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 |   Poetry and Prose about life, family, thoughts & Lesbian concerns of heart |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Come in for a visit. I write about my life as a daughter, mom, grandmother, friend and life partnership with my lesbian wife. You may smile, laugh or cry, either way you'll have learned about life in America since 1938. ANN And, my friend, I understand because all my silent years I was so deep into my church and Christian activities and feared 'sin' and felt shame when 'sex' was mentioned. Nobody spoke of the "horrible" sin they would not name (the rape of a child); At the same time, I watched ministers and deacons and Sunday School teachers sneaking around committing adultery, while I desired and lived 'without sin' as I knew sin to be as I was taught. I thought and studied the Bible and realized how today's preachers and teachers condemn only what they don't do or what a church leader has said to condemn; I've seen the woman run out of the church but not the man; I saw enough, and I knew the heart of love within me, from all through my life had its focus; it was never about 'having sex'. ...Heck, I didn't know about homosexuality until my college years; then I understood my heart and there was never a sexual thought associated with anyone before my marriage to the man who 'chased' me three years then almost murdered me 16 years later as my children heard the physical fight. After that I stayed single Mom, never dated, just had many friends and my children. Finally after raising my grandson, and knowing my own heart would never ever seek love from a man, I acknowledged that all my life, all of my relationship experiences and feelings clearly showed I had a heart that was drawn romantically with deep love that I could not ever express. Then I moved to Portland, came out and you know you can read the rest of the story. I know how God created my heart. If I don't believe God created me as I am, how could I live? It has nothing to do with 'doing' anything at all; it is 'being' as my Creator created me. ............................................................................................................................................................................................................ I retired in Idaho then moved to Oregon to show my pride as a member of the latest hated group across America: I am a lesbian and when I came "Out at Sixty", I came with pride and joy that I no longer had to hold the secret or carry the shame thrown at gay men and lesbians. With that same pride, I accept all persons and their right to be who they are and live with joy, peace, and the pursuit of happiness. I took a writing course at age 69 and began to write short stories, poems, essays, Op-ed comps and I found Writing.com where I am an Advocacy Writer, writing as an advocate for every person to have Civil and God-given rights each day as they pursue happiness for themselves and their families. Yes, most of my writing has been about gays and lesbians, however, I believe every person in the world shares the same heart and spirit to live peaceably with all peace loving people; while seeking to change the minds of those who live with anger, hatred, prejudice, racism and such. |
| Prompt: Interview your favourite fictional character. What questions do you ask and what do you imagine they reply? Superman was "born" the same year I was, so was Donald Duck. That was 1938. So, I would like to interview Superman rather than Donald because I don't speak 'duckie' very well. I would ask him what does he remember about his parents; since he is so powerful I would think his baby memory would be powerful as well and he would tell me about his last day with his parents 'out there' and his first day with his Kansas parents. I would ask him to tell me just when he realized he was 'special' and had more to offfer the world than living on a Kansas farm like I lived on in Oklahoma. I would ask him what was his most memorable moment in helping another person. And, I would ask if he had figured out a way to marry Lois Lane and 'live happily ever after'. I think he would tell me an amazing story about his last days with his parents and his first days in Kansas. Even more interesting would be how he gradually discovered just how different he was from others his age and realized how he could help humankind. He would have hundreds, thousands maybe, memories of individual people he had helped. I think his memorable story would be about saving a baby from harm and then placing her/him in the mother's arms. He was sensitive that way.As for Lois Lane, I think he would tell me he had already told her about himself and they were making plans to marry as Clark Kent and Lois Lane so they could enjoy life and love together. Whether or not they planned on becoming parents would be a most intestesting response from him. I think he would be happy that he could help humankind in so many ways. |
| mAY 20 YOU SPEAK TO ALMA MATER ABOUT THE PATH OF LIFE; WHAT WILL YOU SAY? Fellow Graduates of Fresno State University. Fifty-three years ago I sat where you are one Sunday afternoon. The Cold War was ending, the sixties were coming. Change was coming. Since then our country has spent years and years at war to help other nations keep their freedom from those who would take it from them. In South Korea, we left their land in their hands. In Iraq we tried to leave the people with a democracy; it's weak but with the dedication of the people, it will strengthen. In South Viet Nam, we left the people to their enemies from the North. In Afghanistan, we can't seem to leave at all. Our culture has changed considerably since that day in June 1960. That day, a majority of Americans did not have their rights as guaranteed under the Constitution. In fact, that day right here in Fresno at Woolworth's some of the graduates of my class were boycotting and marching in time with those in the Southern States. In 1965 the Civil Rights war ended with the signature of President Johnson. Sadly, during the recent election for President of the United States, thousands of voters, mostly African Americans, waited as long as eight hours in line to cast their vote because the same people who stood n their way in 1960 are still standing in their way trying to prevent them from voting. Homosexual Americans lived their lives in secret that day in 1960 and thousands died when our government under President Ronald Reagan dragged their feet not providing funding for research for what became a plague around the world. HIV/AIDS was not God's punishment against homosexuals as some religious fanatics shouted; but a horrible disease originating in Africa where the epidemic still rules in spite of all we are doing. In the 1990's hundreds of homosexuals were hurt, jailed and many were killed by police; since that happened America's gays and lesbians have been working together to gain their civil rights in all areas of life per our Constitution. Today, 2013, hungry children, single parent families, America's elderly and disabled citizens are suffering needlessly because the Republican Party is determined to kill all financial and medical aid that has been provided since President Roosevelt's Administration. Now, it is your time to change America. As graduates of 2013, there are serious problems that need to be addressed again and again until America's families find financial support through good jobs, reasonable salaries, and all the benefits desired in a democracy that cares about its people. You can make the necessary changes happen and you can elect governing officials who truly care about growing America's middle class again so that every family can own a home and provide food, shelter and medical care as needed by the family. Graduates of 2013, you can be the generation of citizens who ensure every American receives all human and civil rights guaranteed under the Constitution and the God whom you serve; you can finish opening doors for gays, lesbians, African Americans, our elderly, those disabled, those hungry and in need of shelter. You have the opportunity to re-make America into the best nation that has ever existed on the face of the earth. You can make America beautiful again. I hope you will. |
| a stupid thing I've done? pouring gasoline on a pile of limbs and such to be burned then later striking a match to it; the ball of fire put third degree burns on my leg. I knew better; still don't know why I was so stupid. At our house and my adult kids' homes, the word 'stupid' cannot be used at any time for any person no matter what they do. This rule helps to prevent childish hurtful namecalling because the rule spreads out to cover all such namecalling and descriptions agrily made. The same rule is the reason I named a chicken 'Unique". At three months, her beak began to grow crooked so I named her "Unique" so nobody would use awful words like "cripple, deformed, ugly, ....." you know what I mean. My granddaughter, age seven, told her class about Unique and how kind her grandmother was to feed her every day with a syringe because she didn't want Unique to die. Unique is now nearly four years of age and, though smaller than her sisters, she is happy enough and 'pecks' at things every day as if she can eat. Twice a day she waits at the back door for me to feed her then she marches back to the other hen as if she's 'special'.  |
| May 17, 2013: What's the most significant secret you've ever kept? Did the truth ever come out? {/b} As a woman who never came out as gay until age sixty, I'll have to say that was the most positive and life-altering secret I quit keeping. There was so much freedom loosened inside me the first time I told another person "I am a lesbian"; that freedom to live who I have always been from my heart, brought me joy every day since. On the other hand, the other significant secret I kept from age eleven to age thirty, was the most negative, filled with pain and rage, was that an old toothless uncle sexually assaulted me during my tenth to eleventh year of life. At age thirty, I told my husband of the decade and he then told me his church pastor had assaulted him at the age of nine. Horrible secrets fill the soul with heavy negativeness and can never be positive whether told or not told; too often it's the youngest child in the family with such a heavy burden; to tell it is to cause the hearer to also suffer. In those days before 1950 there were no laws to protect children and if the criminal was found out, there were no laws to keep him out of society. Writing about the horrible secret has helped to relieve the heavy burden carried by the dear child in my being; however the awful memories never, never, leave the mind. I'm now 75 and just last night before dropping off to sleep, my mind replayed some of those horrible memories and thought about how the adult I grew up to be wishes she could have dealt with the toothless old uncle: I could see the young adult 'me' tying a rope around his neck while telling all the family, including his brother my wonderful grandfather, all the ugly things he did to my tiny body, the weakling I was that year and the shy, timid child I was, and I was telling the whole family that they should help me stake him to the top of a red anthill, well stirred into a frenzy with a shovel, pin him to the ground totally naked and leave him on the anthill for a few days/ then I could imagine my father taking an axe to chop off his balls...his cold limpy penis never entered the child but he tried to. THIS IS THE WAY CHILD RAPE CONTINUALLY ASSAULTS THE THOUGHTS OF THE CHILD VICTIM ALL THE DAYS OF HER/HIS LIFE....THE MEMORY IS DAMAGING EVERYTIME. If my reader even 'thinks' a person is just paying too much attention to a child, please ask the child what's happening. I've known all my childhood 'tomboy' being outdoors and loving it, years, that my heart was drawn to girls when my sister's was drawn to boys................and today I have a wonderful , loving wife of 13 years. It's no secret!! |
May 16th Prompt: Star Trek or Star Wars? I liked the years and years of excellent Star Trek and the humor in the movie in San Francisco; but I loved Star Wars even more. That first movie was astounding, the most exciting movie to its time. It had a wonderful 'save the world and all that's good' storyline and wonderful acting along with amazing special effects....all before so much high tech tools for making faux movies we see today wherein there's no real creativity in developing the special effects with technology. The characters of Star Wars were both mythical and real. It was far more my favorite than all the Star Trek's .... the trip to San Francisco was my favorite because of the comic scenes. |
| WHATS YOUR BIRTH NUMBER? Once you have discovered your Birth Number. Put your number in as a comment below for us to know who we are. Have fun! Your birth date describes who we are, what we are good at and what our inborn abilities are. It also points to what we have to learn and the challenges we are facing. To figure out your Birth Number, add all the numbers in the Birth Date together, like in the example, until there is only one digit. A Birth Number does not prevent you from being anything you want to be, it will just color your choice differently and give you a little insight. Example: March 20, 1950 3 + 20 + 1950 = 1973 1 + 9 + 7 + 3 = 20 2 + 0 = 2 Keep going until you end up with a single digit number. 2 is the Birth Number to read for the birth date in the example. # 1 - THE ORIGINATOR 1 's are originals. Coming up with new ideas and executing them is natural. Having things! their own way is another trait that gets them as being stubborn and arrogant. 1's are extremely honest and do well to learn some diplomacy skills. They like to take the initiative and are often leaders or bosses! , as they like to be the best. Being self-employed is definitely helpful for them. Lesson to learn: Others' ideas might be just as good or better and to stay open minded. Famous 1's: Tom Hanks, Robert Redford, Hulk Hogan, Carol Burnett, Wynona Judd, Nancy Reagan, Raquel Welch. #2 - THE PEACEMAKER 2's are the born diplomats. They are aware of others' needs and moods and often think of others before themselves. Naturally analytical and very intuitive they don't like to be alone. Friendship and companionship is very important and can lead them to be successful in life, but on the other hand they'd rather be alone than in an uncomfortable relationship. Being naturally shy they should learn to boost their self-esteem and express themselves freely and seize the moment and not put things off. Famous 2's: President Bill Clinton, Madonna, Whoopee Goldberg, Thomas Edison, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. # 3 - THE LIFE OF THE PARTY 3's are idealists. They are very creative, social, charming, romantic, and easygoing. They start many things, but don't always see them through. They like others to be happy and go to great lengths to achieve it. They are very popular and idealistic. They should learn to see the world from a more realistic point of view. Famous 3's: Alan Alda, Ann Landers, Bill Cosby, Melanie Griffith, Karen Roundbutt, Salv! ador Dali, Jodi Foster # 4 - THE CONSERVATIVE 4's are sensible and traditional. They like order and routine. They only act when they fully understand what they are expected to do. They like getting their hands dirty and working hard. They are attracted to the outdoors and feel an affinity with nature. They are prepared to wait and can be stubborn and persistent. They should learn to be more flexible and to be nice to themselves. Famous 4's: Neil Diamond, Margaret Thatcher, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tina Turner, Paul Hogan, Oprah Winfrey # 5 - THE NONCONFORMIST 5's are the explorers. Their natural curiosity, risk taking, and enthusiasm often land t! hem in hot water. They need diversity, and don't like to be stuck in a rut. The whole world is their school and they see a learning possibility in every situation. The questions never stop. They are well advised to look before they take action and make sure they have all the facts before jumping to conclusions. Famous 5's: Abraham Lincoln, Charlotte Bronte, Jessica Walter, Vincent VanGogh, Bette Midler, Helen Keller and Mark Hail. # 6 - THE ROMANTIC 6's are idealistic and need to feel useful to be happy. A strong family connection is important to them. Their actions influence their decisions. They have a strong urge to take care of others and to help.They are very loyal and make great teachers! They like art or music. They make loyal friends who take the friendship seriously. 6's should learn to differentiate between what they can change and what they cannot. Famous 6's: Albert Einstein, Jane Seymour, John Denver, Merlyn Steep, Christopher Columbus, Goldie Hawn #7 - THE INTELLECTUAL 7's are the searchers. Always probing for hidden information, they find it difficult to accept things at face value. Emotions don't sway their decisions. Questioning everything in life, they don't like to be questioned themselves. They're never off to a fast start, and their motto is slow and steady wins the race. They come across as philosophers and being very knowledgeable, and sometimes as loners. They are technically inclined and make great researchers uncovering information. They like secrets. They live in their own world and should learn what is acceptable and what's not in the world at large. Famous 7's: William Shakespeare, Lucille Ball, Michael Jackson, Joan Baez, Princess Diana # 8 - THE BIG SHOT 8's are the problem solvers. They are professional, blunt and to the point, have good judgment and are decisive. They have grand plans and like to live the good life. They take charge of people. They view people objectively. They let you know in no uncertain terms that they are the boss. They should learn to exude their decisions on their own needs rather than on what others want. Famous 8's: Edgar Cayce, Barbara Streisand, George Harrison, Jane Fonda, Pablo Picasso, Aretha Franklin, Nostrodamus #9 - THE PERFORMER 9's are natural entertainers. They are very caring and generous, giving away their last dollar to help. With their charm, they have no problem making friends and nobody is a stranger to them. They have so many different personalities that people around them have a hard time understanding them. They are like chameleons, ever changing and blending in. They have tremendous luck, but also can suffer from extremes in fortune and mood. To be successful, they need to build a loving foundation. Famous 9's: Albert Schweitzer, Shirley MacLaine, Harrison Ford, Jimmy Carter, Elvis Presley |
May 15, 2013: Are you a person who considers their glass half-empty or half-full? The glass is always half full; whatever is happening or has happened, I know there is always something positive to gain or learn. Being pessimistic and never seeing things as 'enough' would be a sad and lonely way to live. I doubt that any day of my life everything, Everything, has been as good as it could be; there's always room for more. Being positive allows me to have joy and to see something good in whatever happens. Car accident? I survived although hurt and my car totaled. Ambulance called? I'm still alive and it wasn't the Coroner. Spilled milk? I can refill my glass with milk or water. There is always a positive side so why not see it and live it; so half full is my style. It makes me happier each day. ann |
| May 14, 2013: Do you believe in ghosts, angels, or spirits? I don't know what I believe as a whole; at the same time, I know there are people who have had strange and unusual events in their lives. When my grandmother told me about her dying, her spirit floating to the ceiling where she watched the doctor cover her face and her family cry and pray, I cannot tell her she's lying. No, it was her experience. When my beloved pastor spoke from the pulpit about his experience with an angel who appeared to him, talked with him, told him things he couldn't otherwise know, walked beside him leaving large footprints in the snow, I do not say he is a liar. I believe people with such stories are telling the truth, as they experienced it. I guess that means I'm actually a believer in ghosts, angels and spirits. |
| The famous person I would like to have a conversation with is President Abraham Lincoln. I would like to ask him that final afternoon when he was prepared to bring healing to America after the Civil War ended, what were his plans? I truly believe if he had not been assassinated by John Wilkes Booth, that there would have been healing in the land instead of those who took advantage of the poor farmers and freed slaves which desperately took advantage of ordinary people causing great harm that continues in our country. I believe he would have been like General Douglas McArthur who was the overseer of Japan after World War II. Instead of accusing and damning the citizens of Japan for that war, General McArthur ignored the Emperor who would have re-enslaved the people as a backward nation, and formed the country into a new free land where there were jobs, unions to ensure rights and privileges as workers, established democratic institutions that have lasted more than fifty and made Japan a resourceful and free country. That is what I believe President Lincoln would have done for the South, helped all the people there to have freedom, rights, jobs, equality. Like McArthur did for Japan, Lincoln would have done for the South as well as for the North and today America would have been a wonderful place where everyone shared in the bounty of the land without wealth landholders maintaining control over workers. Maybe the matter of race would no longer have been a civil rights problem; all would have been free. I would like to know what President Lincoln would have done for this great country so it would have been more beautiful for all concerned. What a wonderful conversation I could have had if I could have had that conversation. |
May 7, 2013: Do you feel that children should be sheltered from unhappiness? |
May 4, 2013: Do you believe the end of the world will come to pass during your lifetime? No, I do not believe the end of the earth will come in my lifetime. I believe we have enough telescopes,etc to have eyes on outer space and plans for dealing with a space object that could end life on earth as such did the dinosauers. At the same time, I believe that is what will one day destroy human life on the earth. I know, as a Christian, I'm supposed to believe the end of the world can be predicted by war in the Middle East, but I do not believe any such theory. I know that there have already been numerous wars involving Jerusaleum, Christians and Moslems, but they won't bring the end of the worle. I don't even think nuclear war will end the earth; although millions or billions could die in nuclear war, but some will find a way to survive and live longer on the earth and rebuild according to the environment to survive. The firery end proposed in the Bible might happen but not because of Jewish and Muslim people; but because of a space object hitting the earth: thus a firery ending. So, I don't worry about the end of the world or of the earth, not in my lifetime anyway; if so, it's very close, perhaps less than twenty years since I am 75 years of age. annPRIDE FOR WHOM I AM At sixteen I knew my heart The way it loved set me apart. For romance and whom to choose, My choice someone I would lose. My sister's heart chose many a boy; To me they were friends, like a silly toy. My father told me he was always aware Whom mine chose; it gave him great care. He said I was a lesbian; must then be wise, Telling a girl I loved her could be my demise. He asked I keep it secret until much older Then "come out" a day when strong and bolder. I married the man who sought me four years, Divorced in sixteen when he had me in tears. Raised my three children as a single mother; Focused on them and loved no other. Waited 'til sixty to make a choice for me, Came out as lesbian for all to hear and see. Mother believed God would send me to hell. Dear father was dead; him I could not tell. My children hugged me, their love was so true; "We're glad for you, Mom; don't ever be blue. Pride filled my heart as I lived my true life, Ignoring all people who caused me strife. Joy and excitement have filled my heart Pride leads my heart, I no longer feel 'apart'. I met dear Molly whose love came to me; We're living as wives for all people to see. {/b Pride fills my life, no secrets are mine While I live each day with love sublime. |
May 4, 2013: Do you believe the end of the world will come to pass during your lifetime? No, I do not believe the end of the earth will come in my lifetime. I believe we have enough telescopes,etc to have eyes on outer space and plans for dealing with a space object that could end life on earth as such did the dinosauers. At the same time, I believe that is what will one day destroy human life on the earth. I know, as a Christian, I'm supposed to believe the end of the world can be predicted by war in the Middle East, but I do not believe any such theory. I know that there have already been numerous wars involving Jerusaleum, Christians and Moslems, but they won't bring the end of the worle. I don't even think nuclear war will end the earth; although millions or billions could die in nuclear war, but some will find a way to survive and live longer on the earth and rebuild according to the environment to survive. The firery end proposed in the Bible might happen but not because of Jewish and Muslim people; but because of a space object hitting the earth: thus a firery ending. So, I don't worry about the end of the world or of the earth, not in my lifetime anyway; if so, it's very close, perhaps less than twenty years since I am 75 years of age. ann |
| May 3, 2013: What's the one habit you'd change about yourself, if you could simply flick a switch and have it happen? OMG, I hate to answer this.........the habit is 'repeating things three times, each in a different way". That's what I learned in sophomore speech class in high school and reinforced as a habit during my years as a high school teacher: to say it once in the introduction, repeat it a different way with details, finally say it to summarize. It was great for a teacher so you could be sure all students could understand. But it's bad in normal conversation. I'd delete the habit if I could just flick a switch!! Cindy gave us some trivia. I like this one as it fits a poem I wrote today. 1951 – The United States Senate Armed Services and Foreign Relations Committees begin their closed door hearings into the dismissal of General Douglas MacArthur by U.S. President Harry Truman. A NEW JAPAN IS BORN The day on the USS MISSOURI a new Japan was conceived in the mind of McArthur for the defeated empire, when signatures were written on a paper, the empire was smitten. General Douglas McArthur had won. The Emperor no longer held the power with massive armies and fighters; McArthur said, "I can't walk on water" but I will replace the old ways with a new way of life, a New Deal for all, not a few. The war general had a heart, not just to fight, but to build the old Japan into a new place, where jobs, not war, bring change. He became their leader, a clever one, to let the Emperor retain the Sun. The Emperor remained beyond the moat in his palace, not to a prison anywhere to find the spiritual way, not political rule. McArthur led the way to civil rights and jobs across their island home, making it safe for its children to roam. Since those months in 'forty-four when A-bombs exploded in two, removing power from the army stopped the deaths of millions more; so peace could reign for generations. Japan joined the family of nations. In years ahead, changes would come. The general went to fight another war; did it wrong, and by the President's word was fired; so as to never fight again. But his drive to conquer the warring land led to peace, prosperity to people of Japan. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** > > ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
> ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** for showing > yourself,not being afraid to do it:You are inspirational.A.J. Lyle:Ann:honoring "OUT > IN LOVE". You're helping to open the minds against gay's relationships,and > supporting those struggling with their sexuality everyday.Keep up the amazing > work!"Joy |
May 2, 2013: What is your greatest weakness? My answer depends on who is asking. During my career, I was always asked this question when I was interviewed for a position when I was seeking a new job, a new position with a new challenge I always knew I could meet and exceed. My answer was: Because I set high goals for myself, I set high goals for others including those I supervise. That was my greatest strength and also my greatest weakness on every job I held. It applied to my years of teaching jr. hi and high school students; when I served as Volunteer Services Director at Idaho's institution for the 'intellectually disabled or, the good words in those days "the mentally retarded", spoken with kindness., when I was Fund raiser for hospitals and when I was Executive Director of Idaho Nurses Association and Retired Senior Volunteer Program. I excelled in the results of set goals and was criticized for expecting others on my staff to set and reach high goals. (So strange that others hated to have any expectations on them; they created problems for me.) If the question is asked of me as a writer, my answer is "Less than my best won't do", my motto since I was sixteen and that was the title of a speech. How can this be a weakness? Well, it could cause me to so focus on writing that I fail to get sleep or otherwise care for my health; or it could cause me to ignore other people including those whom I love. In family life, it could cause me to expect more from others than they can possibly do; thus, leading to anger, resentment and dislike even in a family: 'mom likes you better than she does me" as so often spoken by The Smother's Brothers to each other in humor before they sang their marvelous songs and shared jokes. My son adopted the same demand for himself and today he is called for when a major responsibility and high goals are set for a project in the U.S.A.F.. I am more proud of him every day for being "THE Man". And, I am proud of the work I accomplished for the benefit of community services resulting from the high goals I set and reached for the benefit of the clients, individuals needing social, health and community services. Perhaps, I sometimes think, I demanded so much of myself because the emotional pain of childhood abuse and the fear it put inside me, caused me to fear that if I did less than my absolute best, something bad would happen. (Sometimes it did anyway.) PERFECTIONISM IS a WEAKNESS. |
May 1, 2013: Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a member of the opposite sex for a day? What do you think life would be like? No, I have never wanted to be a member of the opposite sex. I'm glad I'm a woman and glad I'm a woman who loves a woman as my sweetheart. Oh, let me change that: Every time my payday came I wished I was a man; As my son whom I raised as a single mom, for he and two sisters, still tells his friends who brag about getting a car for high school graduation He says to them: "I Would have gotten a sports car too if my mother was a man instead of a woman who was never paid what she should have been as a professional and if she had received the promotions that a man with her ability and talent would have gotten; she would have retired as a President, CEO or a Vice President but was denied the benefits in her professional career just because she was a woman." He is now 52 and still says that because he knows it is, was, true. (After I put his father through the university and a degree, he has never sought or taken a job that requires a college degree....and never paid $75 per month child support for each of his children). My son, a fine man, retired with USAF after 26 years and now is a consultant on multimillion dollar projects for the government and he knows what happens to women in spite of knowledge, intelligence, talent, ability, because he acknowledges what happened to his mother because she was not a he. I'm glad to be a woman except when taken advantage of just because I'm not male. I don't even want to think what life would be like if I were a man, any man, even a handsome Rock Hudson or 'man's man' as John Wayne. I have wished I could have become President of the United States and all my life that job has been denied to a woman so I never had a chance as a woman. God willing and the creek don't rise, we'll see a woman as President before I die; Gooooo! Hillary Clinton; Be the Woman there first. Hurray for Hillary then Hooray for women!! I was born in 1938, so you can realize how limited my career, as other women's, has been and know we draw a small amount of Social Security now, too small for the work we did in our career, just because we did not get paid appropriately because we weren't born with one of those darn (I didn't say 'effen')  things dangling .... you know what I mean.Thank you God, for giving me the life of a daughter, mother, grandmother, girlfriend, lesbian wife; and for my two wonderful beautiful daughters and very fine son of whom I'm truly proud. Always trusting You, ANN ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** > > ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
> ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** for showing > yourself,not being afraid to do it:You are inspirational.A.J. Lyle:Ann:honoring "OUT > IN LOVE". You're helping to open the minds against gay's relationships,and > supporting those struggling with their sexuality everyday.Keep up the amazing > work!"Joy |
| April 30, 2013: Describe your dreams. Are they liquid, fluid, constantly changing POV? Are they random, or to the point? Long or short? Are you watching a movie or playing a part in it? What format? (i.e. are they cartoons, or real life, or a mix of both?) Interesting that dreams has come as a prompt. My dreams are always long detailed stories. Sometimes in a dream I find myself in some kind of trouble, trapping me as in a spider web. Then I end up shouting so loud that I wake up the house and Molly, now, my daughter earlier, would come running to see what's wrong and awaken me. Many dreams I've had through my life have been of Nazi prison camps; definitely 'trapping' dreams when I've awakened the house. In them, I'm always a prisoner trying to survive. Have always made me wonder if in fact we do live 'life after life on this earth' and if my spirit was once a Polish teenage girl. Who knows? Lately my dreams are stories about family, and me central as a participant in the dream, people I've known throughout my life; elderly grandparents, aunts, sister, brothers, parents, school friends. Some are still alive, most are gone. My mother is always with her dark hair and beautiful features of her young adult years. My father is always good and sharing his wisdom with me as he often did. When I awaken, I think about the dream and wish to remember it, but the memory goes away too quickly. A few of my dreams have had a plot that would make a great short story, but I don't seem to retain them. Perhaps some of them return when I am actually writing a story. I've been wanting to learn to write fantasy; so maybe one of those dream plots will stick with me and I can have a fantasy short story. All of my dreams are as real as any incident in life. I'm grateful for that when I've had a nice visit with my grandmother when she was young, or my favorite great Aunt Oma whom I loved dearly, or my chat with my father or playing with my siblings and cousins. I'm glad they are so real and normal in my dreams. As for "life after life", I'm one of the people of the world who believes our spirit returns to live more than one physical life in order to learn something specific. By learning, I mean like my grandmother who was severely upset when my parents were moving us to California where we would have to be in school with black African American students; however, when she died forty years later, her very dearest friend was a black African American lady. She learned one of God's lessons. MY FAMILY A Happy, Good famly Loves each other. They care sincerely, Helping both mother and father; Overlooking sins of sister, brother. They trust in Him who died at Calvary; Their faith is found in hearts, I wish to say, It's there by God, and no other. His gift, my family. Gone is mother, Sis, Daddy. Brother. Pray. by Ann Patterson. A diatelle has a set syllable count and a set rhyme. The syllable count is: 1a-2b-3b-4c-6b-8c-10c-12a-10c-8c-6b-4c-3b-2b-1a, The rhyme patter is: abbcbc caccbcbba. accbcbba |
| April 29, 2013: What do you think are the three secrets to happiness? What is happiness?I think it's having peace of mind and heart. It means when you laugh, it's a genuine positive experience from your very soul, that deepest part of your being;and you can truly laugh when your heart is at peace. What three things lead to that kind of happiness? I think it's knowing within yourself that you're living well, without hurt and anger inside you. For some, that's felt when they've "trusted Jesus as Savior"; for others it's when they done something kind for another person just to make that person feel good, feel at peace, feel happy. Money doesn't lead to happiness; but having a good job with a reasonable salary so you can provide for your own needs and those of your family. It doesn't mean being wealthy, but having enough money you earn by doing an honest day's work and being paid enough to put food on the table and clothes on your back and those of your family. Fame doesn't bring happiness but being praised by someone you love because you've done something wonderful that made him/her feel important; a father or mother is happy when they know their children have grown into good adults and acknowledge the parent's role in making that happen. It's not fame but sincere appreciation that brings happiness. Being able to look back at whatever number of years you've lived, and knowing you've done your best to provide for those whom you've loved, that you've lived honestly and treated other people with kindness, are the things than can make you happy. May God grant you, my dear reader, great happiness for all your days. ann I WALKED INTO A BAR... It was late afternoon and I was heading out of town, on my way back to Idaho. My Daddy was on my mind that day. Always before, I had driven past the little bar. I think it was called The Hide-away. I walked into the little bar at the edge of town. There wasn't much to it; just a small building sitting by itself on the right side of Highway 99. It was a well-lighted place, plenty of sunlight coming through the window. There were four small tables, a juke box and off to the right was a small bar, maybe six tall barstools waiting for a few patrons to give the place some business. Back in Dad's day, before he died just a couple of years earlier, he'd have been sittin' at the first barstool nearest the door. That's where I sat. A youngish woman, long blond hair, ordinary-looking, not overwhelmingly pretty, but okay, came over and asked me what I wanted. "I'll have a coke and talk about Jack Gross." I propped my head with my elbow and watched her put some ice in a glass and fill it with coke from the fountain. She turned around and set the glass on the bar in front of me. I put a dollar on the bar. She picked up the dollar, then she asked me. "Who'd you say you wanted to talk about?" I said, "Jack Gross." She cocked her head, thought a minute and answered me, "I don't know him. Who is he?" I took a sip from my glass. "Somebody here knows him. Is there a woman in the back office? Go tell her I want to talk about Jack Gross. She knows him." "Okay." She sauntered through the door and I heard her talking to a woman back there. "She said she wants to talk about Jack Gross. She's about thirty years old. Yeah." I waited. I knew someone at that little bar knew my Daddy. He was there nearly every day for about twenty years. I went there one time and he introduced me around, put a quarter in the juke box then danced with me. I smiled at the memory. A woman about my Daddy's age, if he was still living, came walking from the back room and over to me. She smiled. "Jack Gross. It's been a while since I've heard his name. Who's asking?" Before I could answer, she reached her hand and took hold of my arm. "You, you're his daughter. I remember one time when you came to get him for supper. Your Daddy sure loved you." I smiled. "I knew you'd be here. I don't remember your name, but I knew you'd remember Daddy. I'm Ann, his oldest daughter. And, yes, when I came to get him that day. He introduced us. My Daddy was always proud of me. I knew he was that day. That was well over ten years ago." She leaned her elbow on the bar and leaned closer to me. "He loved you. Ann, after that day, he kept me informed about you going off to college, getting married, having a couple of kids. He had a son he talked about too. As I remember, his son worked with him as a cement finisher." She poured herself a glass of water and took a sip. "That was Larry. He drank right along with Daddy; still does, and some day they'll drink together Over There, wherever that is. My other brother went to college." I sipped my coke and listened to her talk about remembering my father. She had lots to say about him like I knew, she would. "Jack," she said, "was a good man. He never hurt nobody; just talked to people about his work and his kids. Ever so often, somebody here asks about him. I do miss him." I knew she did. After all, she and he were a 'number' when he was in California the year he left his family, five of us, back in Oklahoma. He got lonesome for Momma, so he went back and moved us to Modesto. I was glad he did, because it meant I would get to go to college. Modesto has a college not far from the Hide-Away. I asked her, "You got to his funeral, didn't you?" I knew she had because Momma had seen her and was steaming mad that she came; I wasn't. She ducked her head a bit. "Yeah. I went in at the last minute. I just wanted to see him one more time." I reached out and took her hand and looked up at her. "That's okay. I'm glad you did. I don't know how many of his drinkin' friends came that day; but every one of them, and you too, were part of Daddy's life, and deserved to pay your respects. Momma might not have wanted you there, but he would have. That's why I stopped by today; I wanted to tell you thanks for being there and for adding friendship to his life." She came around the bar to give me a hug. Tears filled her eyes. "Thank you, Ann. You don't know how much it means to me to hear you say that; and for stopping by. Your Dad was a good man." I hugged her, then started toward the door. I looked back as she was wiping her eyes. "I've got a long drive ahead of me; but I just wanted you to know I appreciate you taking care of him those evenings after work, while I was cooking supper for him. God bless you. Be happy." "Thank, Ann. Your Dad will be remembered here for a long time. He had a good heart. Drive carefully." I smiled as I left that little bar. It doesn't hurt to be kind to people, all kinds of people. |
| PROMPT: Tell us about the one experience that has changed your life. One experience, well I have to say the worst was the year I was a little girl under twelve when my father abandoned his family of five and during that year the old toothless uncle, my grandfather's brother, who lived with my grandparents, sexually assaulted the small, shy, sweet little girl I was at the time. I was fearful per what he said, of telling anyone but always wished my father had not been 3,000 miles away. That kind of abuse does so many things to 'change the life' of a child; where's trust? hope? God? Help of any kind? None are there and the child so abused feels so alone, ugly, fearful, untrusting, and it takes years of living and therapy to deal with all the negatives it adds to one's personality. Parents must become more aware of abusive, sly, sneaky, ugly, deadly people in their family who has wrong 'eyes' on a child. I'll try for another experience: Well, the other major lifechanger was that Sunday afternoon when I was thirteen that my father was 'mean drunk' by the time the five of us got home from church. Later, after the dishes were done, he got his shotgun and demanded the five of us sit in the living room while he told mother to confess to adultery and who she did it with or he would kill her. For hours the four of us looked down at that 'canon' scared. Mother never would have committed adultery but my father who drank too damn much alcohol, did. Hours later, he sobered up enough to realize what he was doing then got up and left. Years later I learned from Mom that he went to the river to suicide, instead, he threw the gun in the river, and came home a few days later. When a home isn't safe, the life of a child is changed. Well, I'll try for something positive: As a Junior in college I was chosen as one of four College Baptist students to represent the statewide Baptist Student Union as a summer 'missionary' and spent six weeks in Hawaii helping small churches with Vacation Bible School and other activities. Being selected from such a great group, a statewide group as a young student, was a gift that did a lot to make be feel of some value to God and the world. None of us every know what life experiences have impacted our friends and our relatives. Where there's clinical depression you can know there have been hurtful moments. Hopefully, the same person has had something wonderful happen too. ann |
| April 26, 2013: If you could be someone else for a day, who would you be, and why? Hmmm, Actress and Princess Grace Kelly for her beauty and sweet ways, President Abraham Lincoln in the White House for his wisdom and compassion and intellect, Helen Keller for her brilliance and writing, John the Beloved Disciple of Jesus who was always a witness of Jesus' life as it truly was, Hillary Clinton for her brilliance and future success, Eleanor Roosevelt for helping to create the United Nations and loving a woman in her heart even as she loved a great President, Jean Auel for her focus on learning then writing the series "Clan of the Cave Bear" about early humans both types coming together....I loved the series and will read them again. The one who tops my list is Walt Disney; to have a life making children happy; now that's a great goal and opportunity. I was born when Donald Duck was and all my life I enjoyed movie and television Disney Cartoons. Who else lived a life simply to entertain children more than Walt Disney. In America, we can't go a day without having a moment to smile at something Walt Disney created for the 'child we were and the child still in each of us'; that's a great way to be remembered day after day as it was in the earliest days of a young man named Walt Disney who must have enjoyed children and their laughter. Way to go Uncle Walt! How could anyone remember anything less than 'wonderful' when they think of Walt Disney. Around the world, he is known for Disneylands and cartoons and smiles on the faces of children and their parents. To be Walt Disney any one day, with his talent and his smiles for children and the smiles he put into the hearts and on the faces of children...who wouldn't enjoy that? I know I would. |
| {c:blue}April 25, 2013: What does "having it all" mean to you? Is it attainable? I think 'having it all' changes in definition as the decades of life pass. I know it has changed for me. After college and marriage in my twenties "having it all' was good income, the house with the white picket fence', healthy children, friends, faith, peace and love. Until the divorce we did fine; it was attainable. By forty, single raising three children as a single mom with no child support, 'having it all' was good income (Thankful for college degree), precious healthy children, friends, faith, peace and joy. It was attainable with a lot of pride in my children and joy in my work because I helped a lot of people. In my fifties, single, grandchildren whom I totally enjoyed, good health, friends, faith, joy and with good counseling, I found peace from childhood trauma. It was attainable. Then came the sixties, no children underfoot, successful adult children, career retirement after raising over six million dollars for hospitals and nonprofits, serving as an Independent Consultant in fundraising and grantwriting, wonderful friends, improved physical and emotional health, reasonable income, faith, joy, coming out as the lesbian my heart always was, love of a very special woman, successful kids and grandkids with great grandkids on the way, faith strong and real. Oh yes, it was attainable and I was happier than ever. It's amazing when you can be who your heart says you are and you find joy in being who you are and always was. Oh, the seventies, 'having it all' is good health, reasonable S.S. and retirement income, happiness in heart and life, family who show their love, active faith in heart, joy in each day, love of my sweet wife Molly, a writing career begun at WDC still growing toward greater success, friends, brain still working fine at IQ 127 in spite of poor immediate memory, all the best. Only drawback now is the matter of the number of these good healthy years left with the best being twenty-five more; could be just thirteen but that's too darn little. Life does get better as the decades go by, for me anyway. I've still got a lot more living now that I've attained "HAVING IT ALL'; AND LOOKING FORWARD TO MY EIGHTIES, NINETIES AND MAYBE A CENTURY WITH A WORKING BRAIN, MY DEAR LORD WILLING and the creek don't rise. ANN |
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