SuperNova Afterglow: End Of Days

Latest Rant...cracking

I need to find some way I can be me and feel comfortable not having to apologize for it. I need to be able to assert my opinion without the fear of rejection. Too often how I feel about myself is tied to the opinion of others.

My dad made me this way. He got to be arrogant and demeaning to others who stood up to him and played the martyr if we did not go along with his game.

Here I am wandering around in this stream, wanting to appease my father and uphold all that my mother bestowed me with kindness and a strong shoulder for others. Nothing left for me? These two who left this realm more than 10 years ago couldn't have been more divisive influences on my life, and I am about to crack at my foundation.

I want to be stronger and tell people off like I sometimes do and not come back and retract all that my passion will demonstrate. I've had to be a chameleon for so many people, it's a wonder I don't have an identity crisis. Well I do, just not so severe that it has stricken me with insanity.

I desire the company of friends and have hated that I was a phony to get in their good graces only to discover that the friendships were more fantasy than reality. Maybe, I tried too hard. So, I stopped trying.

I want to crack. I welcome it. I hope there is a shiny, resilient new person beneath this flimsy exterior who can grab the world by the tail and fling it into orbit. I desire peace of mind and an attitude that says you're either with me...well, that's it.

Meekly gets off soapbox/pulpit to spend some time in repose to consider his latest rant to the wall.