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Exhortation

         Not a word you hear a lot, I once thought I had the gift of exhortation. Maybe when I first started this blog, a little of that was still going on in my head. I had been through some situations where I did "exhort" someone, and it went well, and won the approval of others.

         So if you're not accustomed to hearing it, it means to use words to encourage someone. You can see the right and the wrong, and offer advice to help them make decisions or just to see the positive in a bad situation. You counsel so as to avoid self-pity or making decisions out of anger or despair that they'll regret later.

         There are weakness to this, like being an excuse to being cold-hearted or not letting someone grieve appropriately. You could disguise nagging or controlling as exhortation. If you see it as a spiritual gift, "exhortation" excuses your impatience and fault-finding. But it does have its strengths. People going through chemo need someone to push them to keep going, and not give up. When young parents are neglecting their children and being self-centered, the kind thing for everyone is to help them face their responsibilities.

         The opposite of exhortation is to sit and weep with someone who is crying. I think sometimes that is the best thing to do, depending on the circumstances. That's a gift, too--the gift of mercy. The person with mercy will hold your hand while you wait for the sentence for your guilty verdict, will sympathize with your black eye and never tell you to leave your abusive husband, or will give you a meal when you've spent your whole pay check on lottery tickets. Mercy is definitely good. Once you've committed a crime, it's too late for a lecture. If your spouse is abusive, your self esteem is so low you need to feel like someone still cares about you. If there's no food in your house, it might be your fault, but you can still use a peanut butter sandwich. 

         Now, I think it's desirable to have a balance between the two. Maybe the real gift is the wisdom to know which to do when and how much. When do you stop the mercy and start the exhortation? These days, I think I'm more balanced. I want to encourage, but exhort with gentleness, tempered with mercy.