Can we talk?

Living With a Cancer Patient

         I know that hardly anyone sees this, so I'm including some personal info today. My brother is in between cancer treatments. He's staying with us until he gets on his feet. He's disappointed that he hasn't recovered faster. Somehow in all the many things he heard, it didn't register that he wouldn't feel normal for a long time after having body parts removed, including a rib, and receiving chemo during the surgery. He gets into a state of panic worrying about himself.

         Yes, he's weak, he's pale, he has no appetite. His muscles have almost disappeared. He does go for walks, he bathes regularly without being coaxed, and he does his own laundry. But going up a stair case winds him; to him, that's devastating. He's tired and sleeps a lot. He's moody. He growls if I ask if he's okay (when he grimaces or looks agonized). I won't know when to call 911, if he gets upset when I try to help him.

         To make matters worse, he left his phone on the plane when he came home. His life is on that phone. Finally, he's gotten a replacement with the same number, so he got all his messages, but he doesn't have appointments or contacts. That only deepens his anxiety. He missed a telephone conference with his lawyer.

         Now he feels like a burden to his children and his friends. I don't know how to help him. I know he doesn't feel good. He's worried. He's looking at a bleak, and maybe short, future if the treatment doesn't help. Nothing we do for him seems adequate to him. I know that when he's better, he'll tell everyone how much he suffered with no one to help him. It's not uncommon for people to feel that way.

         I'll just keep doing the best I can, and hope for the best.