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Paying The Bills and Other Things

         The one in a marriage who takes care of things is not always appreciated. It's not necessarily being taken for granted. The one who doesn't pay the bills may never have done it and doesn't realize what is involved. If a couple gets married when young, and one has never balanced a check book, he or she will never appreciate that the other spouse does it. So one carries the burden and in time may resent it, but the other will never understand what is involved or the time or mental exercise it takes. It won't be credited as a duty within a marriage.

         It doesn't hurt to review the duty list occasionally. Taking out the trash once a week hardly equals washing dishes and sweeping floors and making beds everyday. And unless one actually cleans a toilet, he (it's usually a he) will never understand what a dirty time-consuming job his spouse undertakes for him and the kids doing this on a regular basis. So swapping duties for a day or week isn't a bad idea either.

         This inequity usually comes to the surface when one partner is feeling overwhelmed, taken for granted, and unappreciated. The other may be claiming his duties are bigger and more important. If she makes the bigger paycheck, and he balances the checkbook, she may feel like he is wasting her money. Talking about it is one step, and in some cases is not enough. Cross-training is a good step, particularly if the one who does the job gets sick.