Can we talk?

Recovering From Surgery

         A friend is recovering from a recent surgery and has just moved from ICU to a room. Some nurses he likes, and some just strike him the wrong way. His brother is staying with him, and notes the more efficient and knowledgeable nurses are the ones he's spurning in favor of ones who are unsure and a bit clumsy. When the older nurse, a very attractive one according to his brother, talked with him later, they concluded it's a control issue. Someone who's accustomed ti being in charge at home or at work or elsewhere cannot submit very well to doctors and nurses, even they know what's best. The nurses who are less confident appeal to him because he can dictate to them.

         It's also become apparent that certain drugs are words have the stigma of "crazy". When the nurse asked if he wanted a med for anxiety, which was on his chart as permissible, he got upset with her again. "Here I feel uncomfortable, and can't get any relief, and she says I'm crazy!" She never said that of course, but in his mind, anxiety means crazy. Most people understand that anesthesia, pain medications, and chemo can make you temporarily out of sorts. (He had a "hot chemo bath" while he was cut open.) This friend thinks that if you need one dose or one day's dose of a mood leveling agent, that you must be crazy.

         Personally, I think he's paranoid under the medication. He's not normally like this, but he told his brother, "If I take that medication, I'll be under their control." Doesn't that sound paranoid? He's not rich, he's not a spy, or a politician. Why would anyone want to control him? Having him under his own control might not be bad for a few days until he can get on his feet and get around and feel more secure without meds.

         While we don't want to submit blindly to medical people who could make mistakes, we don't need to fight them either. We can't assume we know as much as they do after all their years of medical training. Our five minutes on the Internet can't compare. We also must allow that either we acknowledge our feelings of anxiety or fear are unreasonable and keep them in check or just take something to calm us down, short term.