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 |  Being a stay at home mom is never as cut and dry as you think it is. |
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Originally my pregnancy blog, now continuing on as the life of a mom and her two wacky kiddos thing till I don't want to write in it anymore  . So come on in and see what's going on in my world for a bit if you like...Be careful where you step, as the kids have all their Pokemon cards out! Feel free to hug a Hello Kitty plush! Come join in the fun, Super Mario Bros. and Hello Kitty style!![Merit Badge in Parenting
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Congratulations on your pregnancy*^*Smile*^*. You already are a wonderful mom to your son and I know this baby will be very blessed also
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In the midst of how you are feeling right now, know that it can be fixed & I'm proud of you for writing the poem that reflects how you feel. The love of your children clearly shines through. *^*Heart*^*](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/genre-Family-584.gif) ![Merit Badge in Journaling
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I'm so glad to be back blogging and reading yours. The kids have grown so much! I'm so glad that you, myself and T are still here journaling together!](https://images.Writing.Com/imgs/writing.com/writers/badges/type-Journaling-2180.gif) the wonderful badges my "Sister", silversara, graced me with. Thanks Sis, I  you! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Thanks to all of you for your support, your comments, your love, your generosity and your time! Never met a greater bunch of people then on here! Besides, who else would want to listen to a rambling crazy mom, both during and especially after pregnancy?
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| Never, in my life, have I had a little kid who loved me so wholeheartedly, who wanted to do everything I do, say everything I say, and be proud of that fact. Never. And I have raised a lot of kids. Granted, only two of them are mine, but... Journey is so much like me. So very much like me. And she looks up to me, and wants to be like me. Personally, I'm not sure how good of a role model I am (I try to be the best person I can be. I help out, and care for others, and try to be a good person who says good, positive things, and does good, positive things. I try to be the very best for my kids. Sometimes I fail, and I'm not a very good person, but I do my best to apologize and fix whatever mistakes I've made. That's all anyone who's human can do, right?), but it really floods my heart with such amazement and wonder. Don't get me wrong; I don't think this is going to last once she hits like, 11 or 12. Once she gets to middle school, she may not think it's so cool to be like Mom. She may want to make her way out to be her own person, even though she's so much like me it's not even funny. And, I will encourage her to be her own person. To do what she wants to do, to listen and learn and be what she wants to be. Trust me, I want them to aspire to be something amazing, something that they've always wanted to be. I don't feel like I'm much, but my kids love me, and appreciate me, and Journey aspires to be like me right now, which means so very much to me. I've never meant so much to kids before. I've always been the cousin or the baby sitter, or the friend, but now that I'm the Mom, my kids look to me to learn the right way to do things, and to learn life lessons, and for guidance and help through this crazy world, and I do my very best to give it to them. Even if I don't know the answers. (Ask Ryan, there have been numerous times when I've answered "I'm not sure...we'll have to google that" ).Journey absolutely savors her time spent with me. She adores that we have Tuesday and Thursday nights together. She loves that I'm her Brownie troop leader. She loves when we spend the weekend together, whether we're doing Girl Scout things or not. She loves that I take her to gymnastics. She loves that I'm always here. She's always so happy and excited to see me, and I love it. (Not to say that Ryan's not, he is. He is definitely a momma's boy, but not nearly as much ad Don was when he was a kid). She's happy to be a part of whatever I'm in. I feel so honored, and so loved. There have only been two times in her whole life that I've been away from her longer than a couple of hours. Once was when Don and I went away for a weekend for our 10 year wedding anniversary, and the other was just this last weekend, where I was gone from 10 am to 8:30 pm (basically the entire day) to get CPR/First Aid training two hours away from us. Both times when I came back, she clung to me, as though she thought I would never come back. She bawled when Don tried to put her to bed on Sunday night. She begged for it to be me, because she missed me so much. We caved, and I was the one to put her to bed that night. She was thrilled to get extra snuggles in with me. She is my shadow, she follows me everywhere. We shower together (because she recently just started showering), we walk together, we go everywhere together. I love it, so very much. I never thought I would be part of a mother/daughter relationship that was so close, so loving, so open, so wonderful. All I've ever known was bickering, and anger, and distrust. I NEVER wanted to be like my mother. I didn't look up to her, because she didn't stand up for herself, or speak her ideas. She just stayed in the corner. I felt sorry for her, but then she would lash out at me, and that feeling would quickly degenerate into anger and uncaring. I was so worried it would be more of the same, her and I butting heads, never seeing eye to eye, her being so different from me that she didn't think I was the person she needed to listen to, or us being so alike that it set her off, wishing she could be like someone else. I've never been looked up to like I am with Journey. I don't want to sound narcissistic, but I truly am her world. That hits me so profoundly. I will do everything in my power to keep this relationship positive, and loving, and strong. Like I said, at some point, she may decide to distance herself from me, and that's alright. I know she just wants to grow to be the person she wants to be, and I have no problems with that. If she continues on the trend and decides she wants to be more like me, and likes being like me, then I'm happy, and I'll continue to be her partner in crime for as long as we both shall live. If she decides that, while Mom is good, but I want to be something more, then I'm all for that too, and I will help her in whatever possible way I can to get her to where she wants to be, and needs to be. I just want this relationship to continue to be loving, and open, and positive, and supportive. I'm here for her, no matter what. Even on the days she thinks "Mom has no clue, I can't believe we're related", I'm still here for her. Probably in the background, away from the spotlight, quietly hiding, but still supportive. That's all I want for both of my kids. I want to love them, and be here for them, whenever they need me. Right now, their need is high; they're still young yet. As they get older, their need for me diminishes, they soon grow independent. But they will still need my support. They will always need my support, and I will always give it to them. My love for them transcends space and time. I will do whatever I can to help them and be there for them, even when they're 43 years old (if I'm still here on this Earth). So, for now, Journey and I both enjoy each other's company, and love each other wholeheartedly, and are supportive of each other, and want to spend as much time as we can together. I dream that we stay as close as we are now, all through to her adulthood, but I can understand if we don't. I just want things to continue to be positive, and loving, and supportive. |
| So much going on these days. Busy as usual. Girl Scouts taking up the most time. We went to Thinking Day, and had a good time. Only 6 of my girls showed up, but all in all, we had an enjoyable time. Bailey is one of the most capable little girls I have ever met. When she takes on a challenge, she really takes it on, and she does whatever necessary to get the job done. I'm quite proud of her! Our board looked fantastic, and the dessert was delicious. Our craft was a hit, and the girls had a really good time, which is all that matters. I'd definitely do it again, especially if I could get the help I got this time. Cookie booths are starting this weekend. We're selling out of cookies really fast. I don't mind it if we have to cancel the last booth, but we need to at least make it to the three booths I have planned for the month. I don't know why the moms are so against the booth sales, I think they're fantastic for the girls to be a part of, a good way to sell a lot of cookies, and it teaches them a lot of great things, like customer service. Seriously, it's a great lesson, but it seems like the moms don't want a part of it. Slightly aggravating. We have a pretty big sign up for the booths so far, so I'm not too worried. We have a lot to do at today's meeting. We need to earn the "Meet My Customers" badge, we need to finish our homework for the "Money Manager" badge, we need to do a cookie tasting, and we have Court of Awards today. I don't know if I should bring a snack as well, since we are taste testing cookies...I suppose we should. We've got our Ocean City vacation booked from April 12th to April 19th. Hopefully we won't have any business to attend to while we're out. I worry that something's going to go on with the Girl Scouts that I won't be here for....but we already did Thinking Day, the cookie booths will be over, and both Encampment and our overnight at Calvert Marine Museum won't be until May, so...I dunno what I'm panicking about. We're taking our faithful car Roz with us to vacation this time around. Now that we've got her all fixed, we think she'll be okay to go to Ocean City. I certainly hope so. Spring pictures are coming in tomorrow, and I'm excited to see them. Hopefully I'll be able to post them on Facebook as soon as I get them, so everyone can see them. |
| Today was another snow day. That makes six. Or seven, I'm not entirely sure anymore. Either way, winter is here and keeps hitting us hard constantly. This is I believe the fourth winter storm that's hit us and dropped at least 4 inches of snow. We'll see what they say about tomorrow being a school day or a snow day. I personally don't care either way, as the most they're doing in school is wrapping up some reading, finishing a math paper, and having a Valentine's party. The school is already making us make up two of the snow days we've had, one on President's Day (which my children will not be in attendance because they have appointments that day that I scheduled, thinking they would have that day off), and one in May that was supposed to be a professional day. I hear if we have another snow day, they're going to take away our Easter Monday (which, I don't know if we'll be here or not depending on our vacation to Ocean City for spring break), but right now Governor O'Malley has declared Maryland in a state of emergency, so I hear those snow days don't have to be made up. Ha, tell that to the county school board. Since we're in a state of emergency, I'd be fine with the kids not having school tomorrow too, and not having to make up for it. However, if they do have school, I'm okay with that too. What I'd really like though, is a late start, considering all the roads are ice. Maybe let them come in at 10:30 am tomorrow, instead of having to be woken at 7:30 am. No thank you. But, again, if there's no school, I won't cry. I won't have happy kids, because they'll want to give out Valentines, but they'll be okay. I'm going to laugh both maniacally and hysterically if we get hit with a blizzard in March. Dump a foot or two on us, see how long their "no snow days without make up days" lasts. Face it people, this year is just not the year for straight school. Sooooo....Journey threw up this morning. All over her pillow and Ryan's bed. We had to wash all the bedding today. It seems like it was just a freak thing, she ate too much mac and cheese and her little tummy wasn't happy with it. I was more concerned that it was a stepping stone to strep. Ryan threw up once before all his symptoms came in to show he had strep. The kids have been exposed to strep recently in school, so I was hoping this wasn't one of those instances. I'm keeping a close eye on her, just to make sure she's okay. If not, we're shutting down this weekend, no going to Jenn's or anything. We'll stay home instead while Journey's not feeling good. We'll see how this all goes. Don and I have a date to go bowling with all his soccer friends on Saturday; we'll see how things go about going. Don's taking off a little early tomorrow from work to go get tires on Roz (hooray Roz!), and then Monday we're taking Roz in to get her brakes and other things worked on. We'll have a healthy car hopefully! Thinking Day for Girl Scouts is coming up quick. I wrote a check to the event coordinator last night, so everything's on board to go. We'll be setting up our board and making swaps on Wednesday, and then one of the moms is going to be making the snack for everyone to taste. We have to go set up at 12:30 pm, doors open for the girls at 1 pm. I'm so grateful that my moms were able to put that together so quickly, and my girls are able to participate. It means everything to me to have this help, support and back up. |
| Cookie season is upon us, and once again my house looks like a warehouse for cookies. I've got cases and cases of cookies in my living room. Eventually, they'll be dwindled down, but for now, the bulk of them are here in my living room, just hanging out, waiting to be delivered. We still have plenty to go for the booths we're signed up for, so I'm waiting for those booths to happen. So much going on. We're finally having our field trip to the bank this coming week after being snowed out twice. Then we have to make everything for Thinking Day that next Wednesday...which just reminds me, I need my other troop mom to go buy the stuff, because my card got scammed at Target, and they had to cancel it. Shoot. I'm without a card until the 12th, if not later. I guess we'll find out. But anyway, we have Thinking Day on the 22nd, and then we have a badge to earn on the 26th, and then that weekend, March 2nd, we have our very first cookie booth. From there, March is fast and furious. Cookie booths every weekend, until March 22nd. I'm going to try and work on the Journey during March, see if I can't get that up and running. I still have to teach the girls about cookies. This is going to take awhile. And the paperwork!! Good gracious!! I guess I never realized there's so much paperwork involved. I have to have permission forms for EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING. If we go anywhere, there needs to be paperwork filled out. Anything other than a troop meeting requires paperwork. I was hoping that we could go on an overnight to the marine museum this May, but I didn't realize just how much paperwork needs to be filled out before I can go. And the paperwork I have to take with me when we go somewhere! I've got to carry around the health history forms, permission forms, anything extra...it's crazy. I mean, don't get me wrong, I understand why I have to do this, it's just, I've never had to do anything so thoroughly with paperwork before. I'm glad I asked what all I need to do before we go, I could've been breaking Girl Scout rules, and that's not good. Valentine's Day is on it's way, and the kids are very excited. They have their parties to celebrate at school, and then we're going over to Jenn's house for the weekend. We're watching all the kids on Friday night while Jenn and Mark go out, and then Saturday night, Jenn and Mark are watching all the kids while Don and I go out. Then Sunday, we're having a special dinner, The next day, either all of us (Don, me and the kids) are off, or just Don is, depending on what the school decides to do since we had all those snow days. We also have to find the time in our busy schedules to take Roz in to get new brakes, new tires, new struts, an oil change and an ERG valve. I hope we can figure out a day that we'll be able to. Roz really needs it. |
| I can't believe it's February already. Time is just FLYING. We filed our taxes a few weeks back. They said they would put them in on the 31st, so I'm hoping they did so and we get them back ASAP. I have a lot of things I have to schedule for, and I need to pay our car insurance on time. It went up by $750 because Don got two speeding tickets. Makes me mad. He needs to check his leadfoot and stop going so fast. I hope he remembers this as he goes around driving these next few months. We need to get the car taken care of as well. She needs new pads and rotors, as well as new tires, an alignment, and an ERG valve, not to mention an oil change. Roz has been a wonderful car for us, far better than anything we've ever driven before. This tax time is mostly about taking care of her, and then we'll think about taking care of us. The kids don't need any clothes right yet, amazingly enough. Ryan's still in size 8 shirts, and size 10 pants, Journey's still in extra small shirts, size 6 skirts, shorts and pants. I have a feeling by the time school starts next year though, she's going to be in size 7 pants, mostly for her height and not her weight. She's very thin, so pants have to be tightened with the elastic waists to sit properly on her. I can't imagine having to get her a bigger pair to fit her in the length and have to tighten it so tightly to fit her in the waist, that's going to be a pain. I wish kids jeans came in the short/average/tall length in legs like adult jeans do. I would definitely get her tall, so they would fit her longer. Her waist doesn't grow, only her legs do. So far so good though, they've stayed the same. I won't have to go on shopping sprees to get new clothes for them, which is good. We still need to plan for our vacation to Ocean City, and also get yearly pictures done. I'm hoping we have enough for everything this year, but Roz definitely comes first. We could also all use new glasses.I've had the ones I have now for the last 5 or 6 years. I think it's time for an upgrade. Don might be eligible for another pair this year, and it's been 2 years since the kids got new glasses, so I think they're due. We'll see about getting them new pairs at BJ's, since their glasses are always on sale. We'll figure this out as it goes along. The first thing that has to happen is we get the money in. Once that happens, then we can start taking care of other things. |
| We had an entire week off from school because of the snow storm that came and hit us. Dropped about 5 inches, which around here means everything closes down. The kids were ecstatic. They haven't been in school since Thursday the 16th. More than likely, Monday will hit hard and heavy, and everyone will be tromping in from the bad weather. I doubt the school is going to take any more liberties on breaks, considering we've used up all our snow days in one go, and we'd be eating into summer vacation if we have another snow storm on the way. It was really nice to get to sleep in all week. I won't lie, I enjoyed it, but I'm also happy to get back to the way things were before the snow. I have Brownie troop things that I need to do, and whatnot. We missed out on a field trip to the bank. We also missed out on Ryan's band concert. I wonder when they'll reschedule that? Things are going to go fast and furious in the next month here. I have two badges for the girls to work on (hopefully in a matter of three meetings or so), and I have to get stuff for swaps to make, and we need to find out how to put everything together for Thinking Day. They're going to have some homework to do after a couple of meetings, but hopefully that's not a problem. We'll try to get to those journey badges before the Cadette troop comes in to help us end it, but I can't guarantee that it's going to happen very well. There's so much missing out of the first part that I'm going to have to condense the second and third part. We still have to do a service project to get the fourth badge, so I don't know how we're going to fit that in with everything. Probably in April, when we have time off. Cookies will be done then, so all the stuff we're signed up for will be out of the way. I have to read up on service projects and see what would match well with my girls. We'll also see about getting another badge on top of the three we already have. Maybe the "Celebrating Community" badge since a few girls went to the Veteran's Day parade this year. Might as well make a badge out of it, you know? We're sloooooooooooooowly working on getting the Christmas tree down from our house. That's the thing about fake trees, there's no rush to get them out the door so they don't rot the way that live ones do. However, that ends up meaning the thing stays up way longer than it should. Journey is happy that it's up though, because she loves it. She's going to cry when we take it down. The only thing I can think is that she loves the lights, and I'd love to find some to put in her room so she has them year round to plug in and sleep under. I think she'd like that. We'll see what this week brings, shall we? |
| Much ado about everything! I'm in a great mood. I think I may be hypo-manic right now. I'm making things, creating, enjoying, organizing, living. Everything is bright and sunshiney, and there's nothing I can't do if I put my mind to it. Even the biggest things don't sound like a chore, which I find very odd. But, I'm glad I'm on the upswing right now, and I'll enjoy it as long as I'm in it, because heaven knows it's a helluva long way down. I was there for two months. It was dreadful. I was so apathetic, I didn't want to do anything. I didn't care if I did anything. Taking a shower, getting dressed. Making dinner was a chore. Taking the trash out was a chore. I despised having to go in somewhere. The only thing I really looked forward to were my Brownie meetings. Everything else was just..."meh." I didn't feel anything. I wasn't happy, but I wasn't sad either. I was just...down. Off. It was terrible. I didn't think anything of it at first, but when I found it was next to impossible to clean the house for inspection, and just how much I could NOT do laundry (Don ended up doing it for us. It was crippling to me), I knew something was up. I honestly don't know how I got to my upswing though. One day I woke up happy and excited, and I've been that way ever since. I think I started back on January 13th. So I've been riding this high for a week. Hopefully it continues for the most part, because I'm finding it fantastic that I can do things again! My birthday has come and gone. I had a wonderful day! The kids and Don make it very special for me, which is why, now that I'm an adult, I look forward to it every year. I had many a Facebook friend that wrote on my wall for the occasion, which I'm very grateful for. We ordered pizza that night so I could take a night off from cooking. Friday, everyone was home that day. I had an appointment with my psychiatrist that afternoon, and after that we went home and hung out. My best friend Jenn said she was unable to make it to my birthday dinner because her daughter got sick. I was very sad, as this is the second time a sick child has cut our time at my birthday dinner short, but I understand that these things happen, and there's not a lot you can do about it. However, my "sister" Andrea (whom I'm very close with, and we've been friends for 15 years, and who moved out here last year by coincidence) said that she would be able to make it. She drove from two and a half hours away to come see my for my birthday! I'm extremely grateful! She bought me a present-a stock pot (because when I make soup, I make it in a large metal mixing bowl...hey, that's what was handed down to me!), and we went out to dinner right as she got here. We had a fantastic time! It was around 8 pm, so dinner was a little late, but none of us minded. We ate, we talked, and we had a good time. I was sad to see her go, but it was around 11 pm when she had to leave, which meant that she didn't get home till well after 1 am. I felt guilty for keeping her that long, but she said it wasn't a problem, and she was glad she came. I hope to either go up the 2 and a half hours to see her, or she come back down here again to see me sometime soon. Journey took quite the liking to her! This is the first time she got to meet her, and she really enjoyed her company. Yesterday we hung out for awhile, went out to dinner at our favorite Mexican place, and then Don and Ryan drove Journey and me to Camp Winona to the mother/daughter lock in for our Girl Scout association. We had a great time! There were four stations and a hiking trail "animal rescue" to do last night. Journey and I started off the night at the birdhouse station and painted a birdhouse. Then we went to the mini camp stoves and made a pot of fudge. Then we went on our animal rescue hike and rescued a stuffed orange tiger named Todd. (Todd is the only other boy than Beary that Journey owns. She usually says her animals are girls. Todd, assuredly is a boy.) We came back in and painted nails, and then we created a scene for a story. We made smores at the fireplace (which Journey didn't eat...just the broken chocolate bar pieces!), and then set up to sleep for the night. Most everyone brought air mattresses to sleep on...Journey and I don't have one of those, because to be honest, we've never been camping before. We DID have an air mattress a few years ago, bought for when my parents or when Gina came out to stay with us for a little while, but when Gina left, we let her take the air mattress with her because she had no furniture. Journey and I slept on the floor in our sleeping bags instead. Journey thought it was good fun, and I must've been comfortable enough sleeping on my sleeping bag, because one of the other leaders had to wake me up and get me to turn the other way because I was snoring so loud! I felt horrible. I think I kept the whole lodge up with my awful snoring...but I slept well. I feel bad that other people probably didn't though. I'm hoping they got naps in today to make up for what they lost having to listen to me last night. Journey and I enjoyed the time together immensely. Don said it was weird sleeping in the bed without me. This is the first time he's ever done that. The first and only time I've ever slept without him in the bed is when he went with Ryan to Elms Beach overnight. Journey joined me in the bed that night, and we went about our day doing everything as normal until the boys came home from the field trip that afternoon. I enjoy when we get these little "you and me" times sometimes. Today I felt so energized, I decided to try making peanut butter cookies. I had Don go to the store and pick up all the baking stuff that I would need in order to make cookies. The boys went out today to do a few things, so that gave Journey and me some more time to be together and do things, so I employed her to help me make peanut butter cookie dough. She did a fantastic job measuring and helping me find which spoons and cups I needed, whisking the flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt in, and throwing various things away. I'm going to have her help me roll the balls of peanut butter dough in sugar before we bake them and put them in the oven. She's a great helper! I'm so proud of myself for making my first batch of cookie dough all on my own! Usually the only place I make cookies is Jenn's house, but my very good friend B bought me mixing bowls, a scoop and wire racks so I could make my own cookies at my house! This is the first time I've actually been able to make cookies, so I bet once B finds out, she'll be thrilled! Alright, I have plenty to keep me busy tonight. I have potatoes that I have to peel for dinner, and the chicken isn't going to bake itself! Off for now! |
| So in 10 days it will be my birthday. I haven't put TOO much thought into it, although I'm anxious to be the age that is my most favorite player's jersey number. I'm sure 33 will feel much like 32, which is fine by me, as long as I don't go through 24 again. Horrible year. I have my birthday dinner planned on the 17th, the kids and Don having that day off work and school. My best friend Jenn and her kids also have that day off school and work, so I'm hoping they can come a little early and hang out before we go to dinner that night. Then, that weekend I'm going to a girl scout event, just Journey and me. I'm hoping we have some fun things to do. I need to get more information on what we're doing, such as if we need to bring sleeping bags, or whatever the case may be. I'm excited for it, I haven't asked Journey if she's going to be excited for it or not. I hope she will be, it's going to be nice to be just her and me. Then, that Tuesday, if I remember to save, I'll be going with Jenn to Red Robin to have my birthday burger. It will be nice. Tomorrow is inspection, and here's hoping we pass. There are boxes that need to go to donation that are all over my house, and I hope they don't count those against us. I did just about everything I could. Granted, some places are cleaner than others, but we'll do our best I suppose. Tomorrow is also supposed to be the coldest day of winter. I heard a few rumors, one being that the school was going to open 2 hours early, one being that the school would be closed tomorrow. Either way, I'm not going out in it. If there is school tomorrow, I'm going to write to Journey's teacher and let her know I won't be in tomorrow because of the weather conditions. Negative degrees with windchill! Haven't faced this since we lived in Colorado! Journey's bi-annual developmental pediatrician appointment is on Wednesday. I'm going to take all the evaluations to him, and the notes from the meeting where she was diagnosed autistic to him, and see what he says. I doubt it will get so much as a second glance, but there it is. We have to wake up at 6:40 in the morning to get ready to leave for that appointment. Hopefully we make it back in time for Journey's occupational therapy appointment, though to be honest I don't know if we're going to have it, because her therapist called in sick today, and she may still be sick on Wednesday. Then we're off to the Brownie meeting, just Journey and I, and then we head home. Don's going to start the lasagna while we're out at the meeting, so by the time we get home, dinner is ready, and then at 6:30 I can go to the SU meeting. Busy busy day, Wednesday. We'll see what we can get done. Cookies are well underway, but Journey and I have yet to go around the neighborhood about it, or send it in with Don to work. I'll be shipping the order form around with him tomorrow, and hope he gets some orders, so that way this weekend we can get it back and go around the neighborhood. We should also take it to our barber too while I'm thinking about it. I'll call her tomorrow and see about scheduling an appointment for Ryan to get a haircut on Saturday. |
| Told Ryan he had to thoroughly clean his room out for inspection. It's years and layers upon layers of things that have needed to be cleaned up and put away for a long time. It's also childhood toys that need to have a decision made about that. Ryan is by far not a sentimental creature like Journey and I are. Journey and I donate clothes to my best friend Jenn for her daughter to wear, who's two years younger than Journey. There are some clothes that Journey will just not give up. She had a little denim polka dot skirt that she loved dearly, and she refused to give it up to Jenn's daughter. She also has numerous Kiki Meow shirts that she won't give up either. I can't say I blame her, they're her clothes, and she can do whatever she sees fit with them. She absolutely refused to give up her Hello Kitty nightgown. Again, not exactly practical, but very sentimental. (She still attempts to wear the Hello Kitty nightgown, even though she's two sizes too big for it...silly girl. I guess she's trying to prove to me that we shouldn't give it away, and she still uses it.) She's that way with stuffed animals too. Even claw machine stuffies she holds onto dearly, as though losing that stuffed friend would be their demise. I don't mind it too much, but it is getting to the point where she's running out of room. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it though I suppose. Ryan however, doesn't hold onto things with sentimental attachment. He started cleaning his room, and asked for a donation box. He's been steadily filling that box for the last two days, and it's breaking my heart seeing what's going in it. All of his Cars collection. All his Curious Georges. Numerous animals that my parents got him throughout the years. Memories from when we lived in Colorado. He's just giving it all away. I've smuggled out his train conductor Curious George and his metal teddy bear jack in the box, and I'm trying with everything in me not to just take an entire box and store it in the storage closet. I'm so sad to see it all go. I know the bigger picture of it all is that this is a sign of Ryan growing up. He's getting rid of old things that he doesn't play with anymore, or has no use for. He's halfway to 11 already, and he's just getting older and older as time passes. Soon he'll have no need for the Ninjago poster that's over his bed, which replaced all the Cars posters that were in his room. He'll outgrow Phineas and Ferb. He'll be a teenager. What do I do then? Time marches on though. There's no redo button, or rewind feature. As much as I want those days when he was 2 back again to relive and enjoy once more, I can't get them back, ever again. The finality of it all smothers me, and I find it hard to breathe through all the tears that accompany it. They say to enjoy every minute of it, but it's so hard to do that when you're living in that exact moment. Sometimes those minutes are unpleasant, or full of illness, or temper tantrums, or long nights. Potty training and then kindergarten homework. Loose teeth and best friends. Soccer trophies and 10 year old birthday dinners. You can try to contain those moments, but they come at you so fast and furious, you don't have a chance to hold onto them, savor them, enjoy being in them, before they're gone. In five months time, I won't ever get to walk Ryan to elementary school ever again. So, another year passed. It seems to come in a jumble, with little jewels hidden between the months, and disappear as quickly as it came. Next thing I know, it'll be New Year's Eve 2014. Here's to a healthy, happy, full new year. |
| Christmas has come and gone. The kids love their things, which I'm very glad about. They've been playing with everything since yesterday morning. Journey made us all some chocolate chip cookies that were actually pretty good from her Easy Bake Oven yesterday. She did not partake in eating one with us. Methinks she just wanted to bake with it, not actually eat from it. Ryan doesn't mind, he'll eat whatever she makes. I wonder if she's going to be like that as she gets older when she cooks...not try anything she makes, but has someone else try it. She prefers my cooking over anything, including restaurants. Ryan's been going nuts building all kinds of projects with his new electronic snap circuits. His big piece was making an AM radio. He was ecstatic. I'm so glad I decided to get that for him instead of another video game. Snap circuits are so much more versatile and you can make so many other projects from them. A lot more fun, I'd say. I know if I were a kid, I'd enjoy the snap circuit set a lot more than a video game, but that's just me. The house is in chaos again, but what else is new? I was going to force the kids to clean it up today, but I thought I'd let them enjoy their Christmas presents first and then tomorrow have them clean up instead. Don's going to say I'm just procrastinating. We were very lucky, and inspection was moved to January 7th. I now have some time to get the kids to clean up a little more and for myself to clean up a little more (even though my bathroom is clean and most of my kitchen surfaces are clean), and then we can call it done. Looking forward, Journey has a developmental pediatrician appointment in Baltimore on January 8th (which we'll miss school for, but we're not missing the Brownie meeting after school) in which I'll show him the autism specialist's diagnosis of Journey and see what he says. I'm almost certain he'll say that she's not, and push it away. No matter, she was diagnosed through the school, and that's all that matters. The school is giving her help, which is what she needs the most. At this point, I'm almost certain I'm not going to get any formal diagnosis from him, so I'm not even going to push. I'll show him what they came up with, and leave it at that. If he agrees or not doesn't matter to me, because what does matter is that she's getting the help through the school. My birthday comes in 3 weeks time. I have a Brownie meeting the day before it, and the day after it, the kids have off from school. I'm asking that Don take that day off as well, and then we can do some stuff for the day. We'll be having my birthday dinner at Olive Garden that Friday night with Jenn and her family, and then that weekend of the 18th and 19th, Journey and I will HOPEFULLY be going to a leader/daughter event for Girl Scouts. I'm really interested to see what they do there, it sounds like fun. The reason I say hopefully is because I can't guarantee that there will be enough interest in the leader/daughter event for her to even do it, but I know my interest is there, and I sent my money in, so if she needs to return it to me because there is no event, that's fine. If she holds the event, that's fine too. I just thought it would be something fun for just me and Journey to do. Other than that, not much else going on over here. Soon it will be back to the humdrum that is school weeks, waking up at 7:30 am, going to occupational therapy every Monday and Wednesday, Brownie meetings every Wednesday...etc. etc. Time marches on. Perhaps I'll come on and wax about the year that was before the new one approaches. We'll see. |
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