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| The current Creative Writing assignment is to find malapropisms on the internet. They were funny enough to share. The following come to you courtesy of the fun with words.com web site. • Dad says the monster is just a pigment of my imagination. • Isn't that an expensive pendulum round that man's neck? • Good punctuation means not to be late. • He's a wolf in cheap clothing. • Michelangelo painted the Sixteenth Chapel. • My sister has extra-century perception. • "Don't" is a contraption. • He had to use a fire distinguisher. • "Your ambition - is that right - is to abseil across the English channel?" Cilla Black • "It is beyond my apprehension." Danny Ozark, baseball team manager • "Listen to the blabbing brook." Norm Crosby • "This is unparalyzed in the state's history." Gib Lewis, Texas Speaker of the House • "She's really tough; she's remorseful." David Moorcroft • "And then he [Mike Tyson] will have only channel vision." Frank Bruno, boxer • "Cardial - as in cardial arrest." Eve Pollard • "Marie Scott... has really plummeted to the top." Alan Weeks • "He's going up and down like a metronome." Ron Pickering • "He's on 90... 10 away from that mythical figure." Trevor Bailey, cricket commentator • "Unless somebody can pull a miracle out of the fire, Somerset are cruising into the semi-final." Fred Trueman • "We cannot let terrorists and rogue nations hold this nation hostile or hold our allies hostile." George W. Bush • "The police are not here to create disorder, they're here to preserve disorder." Richard Daley, former Chicago mayor • "He was a man of great statue." Thomas Menino, Boston mayor • "Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child." Dan Quayle, Vice President • "Well, that was a cliff-dweller." Wes Westrum, about a close baseball game • "If Gower had stopped that [cricket ball] he would have decapitated his hand." Farokh Engineer • "We seem to have unleased a hornet's nest." Valerie Singleton • "This series has been swings and pendulums all the way through." Trevor Bailey, cricket commentator • "Be sure and put some of those neutrons on it." Mike Smith, ordering a salad at a restaurant • "It's got lots of installation." Mike Smith, describing his new coat The Bushism George W. Bush is particularly famous for his malapropisms, and not without good reason. It is thus not surprising to learn that malapropisms (and other similar verbal slips) are often known by the name Bushisms in the USA. Here's a selection of George W. Bushisms: • "Oftentimes, we live in a processed world, you know, people focus on the process and not results." • "The law I sign today directs new funds... to the task of collecting vital intelligence... on weapons of mass production." • "It will take time to restore chaos and order." • "They have miscalculated me as a leader." • "Natural gas is hemispheric... because it is a product that we can find in our neighborhoods." • "I am mindful not only of preserving executive powers for myself, but for predecessors as well." • "We need an energy bill that encourages consumption." • "We are making steadfast progress." The following come from "The other page.org" Miscellaneous Malapropisms (222 entries) Coined for Mrs. Malaprop, a character in the play The Rivals by Sheridan (ca.1775). A malapropism is an accidentally inappropriate (usually that means 'humorous') choice, omission, or alteration of words. The best known practitioner is perhaps Yogi Berra, who elevated the practice to a high art, and is well represented here. Other items in this collection include "spoonerisms" - named for Reverend Spooner, who would frequently transpose words or parts of words from one part of a sentence to another - with humorous results. A well known example, is the Reverend, after pronouncing a couple 'man and wife', saying "It is kisstomary to cuss the bride." Also in the collection are many mixed (and in some cases, mutilated) metaphors - where someone intends to use a metaphor to explain or state something, but gets lost along the way. Sportscasters searching for words of hype and politicians in the heat of debate are known for spouting these in large quantities. A traditional example is that a U.S. senator once said "...and that is a horse of a different feather." --Steve - A - 1. Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours. - Yogi Berra 2. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. - from Student Bloopers 3. Abraham Lincoln wrote the Gettysburg Address while traveling from Washington to Gettysburg on the back of an envelope. - from Student Bloopers 4. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer, but by another man of that name. - from Student Bloopers 5. Although the patient had never been fatally ill before, he woke up dead. 6. The amount of education you have determines your loot in life. 7. An oral contract isn't worth the paper it's printed on. 8. Another tale tells of William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head. - from Student Bloopers 9. Anteaters are generally found at picnics. 10. Antidotes are what you take to prevent dotes. 11. Aarabs wear turbines on their heads. 12. Are you any relation to your brother Marv? - Leon Wood, New Jersey Nets guard, to Steve Albert 13. At Roman banquets, the guests wore garlics in their hair. - from Student Bloopers 14. At least half their customers who fly to New York come by plane. - B - 15. Bach died from 1750 to the present. - from Student Bloopers 16. Bach was the most famous composer in the world, and so was Handel. Handel ws half German, half English, and half Italian. He was very large. - from Student Bloopers 17. Bang, boom, pow! he hissed. - Leo Rosten 18. Barking dogs don't bite people they don't know. 19. Before I start speaking, I'd like to say something. 20. Benjamin Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead. 21. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. - from Student Bloopers 22. The blood circulates through the body by flowing down one leg and up the other. - from Kids Say the Darndest Things 23. The book was so exciting I couldn't finish it until I put it down. 24. The bowels are a,e,i,o,u and sometimes y. 25. The bride was wearing an old lace gown that fell to the floor as she walked down the isle. 26. By the time we got there it was deader than a hangnail. - C - 27. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. - from Student Bloopers 28. The chief is inclined to believe that a crossed wife might be the cause of the fire. - Leo Rosten 29. A census taker is man who goes from house to house increasing the population. - from Kids Say the Darndest Things 30. A city purifies its water supply by filtering the water then forcing it through an aviator. - from Kids Say the Darndest Things 31. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of the dessert are cultivated by irritation. - from Student Bloopers 32. A closed mouth gathers no feet. (does this one really count?) 33. The Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. - from Student Bloopers 34. Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. - from Student Bloopers 35. Comfortable apartment. Short walk to beach. Affordable germs. - Leo Rosten 36. Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and ran into a tree that I didn't have. 37. The congressman stayed after the town meeting and discussed the high cost of living with several women. 38. The conviction carries a penalty of one to ten years in Alabama. - Leo Rosten - D - 39. Damp weather is very hard on the sciences. 40. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. - from Student Bloopers 41. The death of Francis Shaw was a major turning point in his life. 42. The difference between a king and a president is that a king is the son of his father and a president isn't. 43. The doctor felt the man's purse and said there was no hope. 44. The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing. - Dizzy Dean after being hit on the head by a ball in the 1934 World Series. 45. The dog ran across the lawn, emitting whelps all along the way. 46. Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer. - Leo Rosten 47. Don't bite the hand that lays the golden egg. 48. Don't burn your bridges until you come to them. 49. Don't put all your chickens in one basket. 50. During the Napoleonic Wars the crowned heads of Europe were trembling in their shoes. - from Student Bloopers |
| Three strange things are happening on Pleasant Hill this summer. First, we have no flies. Not that I am complaining mind you, but there has been a near-total absence of those nasty things. Right from the spring warm-up when, in other years, they congregate in the windows and buzz up a storm, they have been listed among the missing. Second, there have been NO mosquitoes. . .none! It has been dry of late, but we did have rain earlier in the summer and there have been rains in the past week or so. It is eerie. No flies and no mosquitoes. In addition, we are overrun with swallows. In the afternoons, they congregate on the power lines along our road and others. When I came home this afternoon, both lines were loaded with them, shoulder to shoulder for a good mile. Additionally, the road was full of them. They were just sitting on the warm gravel. I had to slow down to allow them all to take flight. A few had already been mowed down by a neighbor. Maybe that is where all the bugs have gone.  |
| I took my camera for a ride this morning. Here's the pic of the barn mural on Yellowstone Road. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** And some pics of the horses in the pasture to the west of the house. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** The babies are growing fast and getting chunky and strong on mother's milk. |
| Oshkosh, Wisconsin is a small town of 63,000 people located on the west shore of Lake Winnebago. It is a wonderful city and is home to Oshkosh B'gosh clothing, Oshkosh Truck Company, and a large University of Wisconsin regional campus. Perhaps its biggest claim to fame is the annual fly-in at Wittman Field there. It is BIG! This year will be the 54th annual such event and it is the grand daddy of such fly-ins. Wittman Field in Oshkosh is a public, county owned airport used exclusively for general aviation. It has four runways and a control tower. During the weeklong fly-in event, Wittman Field becomes the busiest airport in the world with some ten to fifteen thousand planes coming and going. This traffic volume surpasses even busy O'Hare Airport in Chicago. The city hosts some 700,000 visitors from around the world and every hotel, motel, campsite, and college dorm room is filled for miles around. This year's event began last weekend and is in full swing by now. Some of the highlights for this year's participants are appearances of a SpaceShipOne replica, the daily afternoon air shows that feature the finest civilian aerobatic pilots, wing walkers and war birds, antique and military aircraft. Experimental and innovative aircraft will also be on display. At its core, the Experimental Aircraft Association is about homebuilders. This year the developments that made this movement possible will be featured. This is called the World's Greatest Aviation Celebration and the program this year for EAA AirVenture Oshkosh promised to be as exciting and as much fun for airplane enthusiasts as past celebrations. |
| Yesterday, after supper, T and I took a slow drive. We chose a town road that runs pretty much from nowhere to nowhere. We went east on Yellowstone Road for 8 or 10 miles. It turned out to be an interesting ride. Just around the corner from Rock Inn Road, there was a barn with a mural painted on the end. I will go back with camera and include a pic tomorrow. It was very nice and quite unexpected. A mile down the road, someone had three cattle complete with their horns in a pasture along the road. Because of the danger inherent in handling cattle with horns, virtually ALL calves are dehorned very early. To see a cow with horns in Wisconsin is an oddity. We saw several small herds of horses, some with foals. Then there were two small groups of turkeys in adjacent fields. Each had a clutch of twenty or so chicks. They were still small enough that we could only see heads with a bit of neck moving through the grass. They would have been easily missed except for Tony's sharp eye. Then a blue heron was standing right in the middle of the road. It labored into flight as we approached. Nearly out to Hwy S, we found the Caldwell Farms and their several hundred head of Belted Galloway cattle. They are the Oreo cookie cows, black on each end and white in the middle. Moreover, along side of the barn stood Mr. Belted Galloway, a handsome and striking bull of the same persuasion. More on Belted Galloway cattle at http://www.ansi.okstate.edu/breeds/cattle/beltedgalloway/index.htm Across the road, there was a Sandhill crane and a male ring neck pheasant. It was a wonderful ride. |
| Varicella or chickenpox is one of the common "childhood" communicable diseases. An effective vaccine has been available for chickenpox since 1995 and the incidence of chickenpox has dropped dramatically in areas where the vaccine use is now commonplace. In relation to that information, Merck will be coming out with a souped-up version of that vaccine which, in testing, has shown to be quite effective in the prevention of shingles. It is now known that when one has chickenpox, even if only the mildest of cases, the virus sets up permanent housekeeping in that host body. It lies dormant until such time when conditions are ripe. Then it blossoms forth along one nerve pathway or another creating the painful and often debilitating condition, shingles. If you have ever known anyone with shingles, you undoubtedly know how nasty it can be. The new vaccine that is soon to be released has been shown to reduce the risk of a shingles outbreak by two-thirds. Said another way, one has only one-third the risk of developing shingles than the unprotected, un-vaccinated population who carry the virus. If you have ever had chickenpox and thus, carry the virus in you, you might want to look into getting this vaccine when it becomes available. If you are not sure if you had chickenpox, a simple blood test will tell your physician. If you haven't ever had chickenpox, you might want to consider a chickenpox vaccination now. For more information about chickenpox, visit the National Immunization Program website at: http://www.cdc.gov/nip/vaccine/varicella/default.htm#what |
| One of the small communities near our home is celebrating its 125tb anniversary next week. Among other things, someone is organizing a quilt and other textiles show for next weekend. She hopes to display examples of textiles from that time. I have a number of nice pieces to add to the show and I have been busy typing up an information sheet for each of them. I will be taking three quilts, the ones you have already seen. In addition, I found a fine example of a tatted doily, a hairpin lace doily, and a knit lace doily. I have a lovely sampler dated 1830 and two examples of silk tapestry: a Stevengraph from 1879 and a Neyret Freres tapestry done on a Jacquard loom around 1880. I hope the celebration-goers enjoy these textile examples from 125 years ago. |
| One of our neighbors is a Johnny Appleseed of sorts. Every year for the recent past, he has taken it upon himself to raise pheasant chicks to adulthood and release them in our general area. He follows up his releases by checking with neighbors to determine where and when they have been sighted. Thanks to his efforts, we now enjoy a relatively stable population of wild pheasants in this neck of the world. There is a nesting pair in the low area to the west of the house and each spring, a clutch of young. We often see them along the roadside or under our feeders. They spook easily when someone approaches on foot but seem unafraid of oncoming cars. This possibly could explain why they are occasionally killed on the road. Fifteen or twenty years ago, the State of Wisconsin released wild turkeys into some of the forested areas here. Since that time, the turkey has made a tremendous comeback. There are flocks everywhere now and an annual season for those who wish to hunt them. |
| Aunt Helen was 93 this May. She is still going strong despite a hip fracture three years ago and a stroke this year. She dresses every day in a nice blouse and skirt or dress, nylons, and heels. Yes, heels. Of course, they're not just any heels. She orders them especially from a place in New York, NY where they are made to fit her long, narrow foot. (She is six feet tall without the shoes.) She is very careful with her shoes. She places a stretcher in them in the evening, rotates the use of them, and keeps metal toe and heal tips in place at all times. They make regular trips to the shoe repair guy and he smiles when he sees me coming with a pair or two. Today I dropped off a pair I hadn't seen her wear in the four years that she's been with us. "Just ask him to fix them," she said as I left the house. When I got to the shop with them and took them out of the bag, I could see that the leather had nearly been worn through along the side where the ball of her foot flexes with each step. The repairperson, a kindly old man, looked at them through his spectacles and shook his head. I would have to put a patch over that spot and it will not look nice. "That will never do," I lamented. Then he said that he could try to saturate the area with silicone to remoisten the leather and see if it will give her some additional use. There is also a hole in the replaced sole. We are going to ignore that as it isn't yet worn through. I pick them up next week. I am anxious to see what he has been able to do with them for her. |
| Wren's recent blog entry about her grieving classes has had me thinking. The concept of death and grieving classes is an odd one if you think about it. Society has fractured so over the last half century that we've become unfamiliar with death and how it comes. Families no longer all live together in the same house, or on the same street, or even in the same state or country. Women work outside the home, for the most part, so the elderly are shunted off to nursing care or hospice or hospital facilities when things start getting sticky. Kids no longer are with grandpa and grandma, as they grow old and infirm. Often visits are sporadic trips for limited glimpses. Grandpa Gliss, for example, was a strapping kinglike man who, through my childhood eyes, sat in his grand overstuffed wingback chair as if it were a throne. In his last years, however, I used to think that the chair might swallow him he had become so frail. By that time, we had moved into his home to care for him 'round the clock. I made it my job to be his helper in those years and was with him when his heart quit. He was seated in his favorite chair. Yes, it was sad but it was the "next" thing for him. His death seemed entirely natural to all of us when it happened because we were so intimately involved with him in life. The same held true for all four of my grandparents. It was a part of my life experience. |
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Thanks for these Barbs, we really miss you around here! Update us on everything some time alright! 