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Don't judge a book by its cover... This isn't about tube anemones.
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS SQUIRT THE JUICE INTO THE EYES OF YOUR ENEMIES... |
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **  Plop plop, fizz fizz, oh what a relief it is... I have been such a purposeless, wandering spirit for so long! I can stop writing 'We' instead of 'I', because I'm finally writing for someone elses eyes again! I was looking through my 1,328 emails that I've missed in the last...however long that is...and thought wow, I was there for blog entry #1. Now it's up to six hundred something. I've missed a lot being lost in the looking glass. I missed a lot. So happy I decided to finally do something for myself and start writing again. It seems I always lose myself when I stop. Why do I stop? Because I'm a well used doormat, apparently. And I could say No longer! This is me putting my foot down!...on myself. Because I'm still being used, by those I thought to seek safe haven from. Irony is starting to piss me the fuck off. Anyway, enough of that. The experience has shone a weird rainbow light upon things, and I've found I have a group of strong friends that I didn't even know I had. Do I trust them? Hell no I don't trust them, what do I look like, a mushroom? If anything I've learned that I can't trust ANYONE, not even the one person I thought I could trust with my life. But I do appreciate them, and I will defend them, until the day they turn. Then I will cut off their heads like I would any other zombie. Constant vigilance, instant vengeance. That is how the Spook do. Christ, this is not the direction I wanted to go at all, but I guess I'm just venting because I'm so angry right now. It's okay. This too shall pass, as they say. I really just wanted to say that I wanted to take a picture but laaaaaary (I find it so funny that my phone knows how I say his name that I don't even have to put all those extra a's in there  ) killed it before I could...in the handsink at work, in the tiny little overflow hole, was growing a seedling of either a tomato plant or some kind of pepper. Probably green bell. Mmmm. Yummy. Makes you hungry, doesn't it?  I can't wait for the prompt! Here I come!! (watch it be something that I totally can't even wrap my head around.) |
| We went outside to feed the chickens after the rain today, it's been a great summer, hardly any days above 100°, AND the fair starts tomorrow so you know it's raining...anyway we saw a baby in the igloo, so we got down in the muckety muck and crawled inside. Three more chicks! There are still more eggs, so there could still be more babies. My theory is that if I keep taking babies then the hens will stay on the remaining eggs. It seems to have worked so far. Nine babies in just under or over a week, we forget. The hens are starting to get super pissed though, which is like regular pissed except they get to wear capes. Ha ha. They've posted a sentry, and she seems rough. If any more hatch they may be a bit harder to catch. Libby called today. She was supposed to be back today because it's my day off and blah blah blah. Well now she won't be back until Friday because a 'deal' fell through. We know what it's about as always will so there's no need to go into it here. Last time she said she had a 'secured source' but it was three hours away. I laughed because I was like yeah, as if we'll ever be that desperate. I didn't know at the time where that three hours away was, but after talking to mom, she told me that Libs has been at motherfucking Krissy fucking Dilbecks place in Arkansas. So...that's her stupid secured source, and the thing that pisses me off the most about it is that she came back from Texas with Frannie and then drove to fucking Arkansas to get it when she knows goddamn good and well I needed her. She didn't even stop to say hey, I'm just going to go away again and look for some stuff. Oh and get this, then she says, "I got invited to go camping at someplace called the devils toe, but I thought you might get a little psychotic." So what, now I'm going to ruin your good fucking time? God I could cry. I told her yeah, I might. I can't believe it. We've never been like this. She keeps saying she knows I need her too, and she's not there for me again, what kind of a sister is she, she's a horrible person, blah fucking blah. I'm so mad at her. I've never been this mad at her. For one thing she knows I needed to borrow her car to work so I can fix my car, so I can work so I can help fix her moms car, like I'm just going to let her go carless, and she came back, got her car, and drove it to another state to look for her stuff. So mad. We're here with the junkie asshole, and out of the blue he goes, "Put on your shoes, we're going to do some work on you're car." So we did. We pulled out some junk, figured out what pieces we need to get him running, all that shit. I hate moments that make me not hate him as much. Goddammit. When I came in this morning he was sitting in the living room, no TV, no computer, nothing, he's just sitting there in the dark with a sad look on his face. I said hey, he said hey. Then he all of a sudden jumped up and was like "I got groceries, there's fruit, and this and that..." It was like I said in a way earlier entry, about catching people with their masks off. Vulnerable. The truth in their faces. His truth says he's miserable. As far as I know he hasn't even texted Libs or anything. Not that she would tell me. Everything has changed. I'm miserable. And I do not wear a mask. I must get my car fixed. I must get my car fixed. I must get my car fixed. I hate reality TV. I hate reality TV. I hate reality TV. |
| Remember that stupid show Once Upon A Time In Wonderland? We had such high hopes for that, and they dashed those upon the rocks. I can't believe we even finished it. God, it could've been so damn cool, but no, they had to turn it into the newspaper that the chickens shit on. Speaking of shit, remember Hemlock Grove? I'm getting angry just thinking about it. That was the one with the gypsy werewolf and his friend was some kind of weird vampire thing, and there was the girl who turned into a werewolf by drinking from the guys pawprint. It sucked us in. We were intrigued against our will. The weird vampire guys sister was some kind of angel but she was huge and her hands were mummy like, and she was mute. The vampire guys cousin got pregnant and fell in love with the gypsy werewolf but she ended up dying and then we found out that the baby was the vampire guys! What a weird fucking show. Then in season two some girl showed up and she lactated blood and the baby could kill with its mind...it started spinning out of control, I can't really remember all the details, but then she tried to kill herself and the evil satan baby and ohmymotherfuckinggod the stupid pediatrician was a dragon and he swooped down and saved them and that's when we said I can't believe that's how they ended this shit. We were mad for weeks. In fact, still a little pissed about it. Such creative writing, weird plot twists, like nothing I'd ever seen, and it might have been okay still if it had just been a goddamn dragon, but it had his face, and it just looked so fucking stupid for fucks sake. Errrrrr. Stupid ass show. And Penny Dreadful! Do we even want to go there? It started out okay, even though it was cable so of course there was the required nudity and sex scenes, but hey, fast forward is pretty awesome. Weird story line, I couldn't even follow it, it was basically just a bunch of old horror stories mish-mashed together, but it was pretty cool...until the hero went all apeshit and had sex with Dorian Gray. I draw the line at homosexual love scenes in shows on TV. If I want to see that, there are probably plenty of websites for just that sort of thing. The end. I have no idea how it turned out. Remember laaaaaary? He's saying some really weird shit to you right now. You were joking around, came at him with a rubber mallet, and he said he was so excited he had to go in the walkin. The scary thing is I'm pretty sure it was true. Then later he was taking about how boring his marriage is. I do believe he wants you to add some excitement to his life dear (shudder). But I'm not gonna let him catch me, no, not gonna let him catch the midnight rider. You had a scary talk with Dr Kim today, you know what about. This is just a reminder so that every time you read this you think about it and you don't ever let that happen again okay? Five day rule. You're really into Ben Howard and Passenger right now. Beautiful. Also Birdy, she's pretty amazing. She has one of those voices that never sounds the same from song to song. Its very strange but always beautiful. Starting to get into Florence +The Machine. You need to hear some more of her stuff for sure. Ellie Goulding needs to come out with a new album, as does Alex Clare. I don't know why we're on this whole UK kick right now but its pretty fun. Especially Ben Howard and Passenger. The way they pour themselves into their instruments...magic. Oh that reminds me! Don't ever forget about Ze Frank, as if you really could. But sometimes your mind turns to moldy cheese and you forget important things. His smile makes you feel all warm and gooey inside. His eyes glitter when he gets talking about something passionately, which he does often. You love him. Not the way you love Maynard or Vin Diesel, but like you love people that you know and trust and see and speak to everyday. He's special. Well nothing good came out today but I did get some memories on paper so to speak. I'm losing so many brain cells, its important to have some memories I can look at like photographs. Evidence that things did in fact happen. Holy shit. Remember screwdriver guy? Serious shit, cleaning the front room in that shotgun shack on classen and turned around and there's a huge black man standing in my doorway with a screwdriver sticking out of his neck. I asked if I could help him. He just said no very quietly, turned and walked away. I locked the for and called the police. Don't know what happened after that. Wow. Where did that come from? See? Memories. Bizarre. |
| You want to remember this. You were thinking about this earlier. Remember when you and mike were looking at your car and it didn't really look as bad as you thought at first. Thank God. He said "maybe we can fix up dads truck (meaning Libs dads truck, we have it because sissy was going to sell it because she's lazy). All it needs is a battery and tagged and insurance. I won't make he much money cause its all going to go to gas but at least its something to drive. " I said "well maybe I can borrow moms car again (meaning Libs mom)." I borrowed her car for awhile when I had to get a new transmission. He said oh yeah, that's probably a better idea. So I had Libs call her and it all worked out. I thought"awesome! Things working out for spook! Doesn't happen often." So mom had a doctors appointment on Thursday, and I had one of the greatest, sweetest, most wonderful friends, Andrea Sanders, take me to her house and drop me off. I was waiting, waiting...I hear in the distance a screech, a crash, and I think THAT was a wreck. A few minutes later I hear sirens. Yep, definitely a wreck. Damn, she sure is taking a long time...a little while later I hear SCRUUUUNNNCHHH and I look around the corner ohmygoditsherandherCAR!!! I jump off the porch and run to the driveway as she pulls in, bumper dragging, odor of antifreeze...I tried to yank the door open and it won't budge. She had to climb out the other side. "oh my God! Are you okay?" She falls into my arms. She is a little bitty thing, probably only 100 pounds if that, and she's weeping, clutching me. "yes, I'm fine I'm just so sorry I let you down!" She manages. I had to laugh. For that to be her concern. Not the totaled car. That she could possibly have let me down. Crazy. She said there should be an island for broken people like us to go to where we can't fuck things up anymore. (and every time she curses she looks skyward and says 'forgive me Lord') I agree. An island would be a nice place for broken souls. I had to call Andrea back and have her pick me back up so i've been mostly instore, but she's been letting me use her car when she's not using it, and tonight my boss let me use his SUV. Just so you know, I should never drive anything bigger than a sedan, because I want to squash anything smaller than me and create my own paths. Its hard not to do. But the fact that these people are just like yeah, sure, here are my keys, take my car and drive it...I don't know. It just seems weird. I have a network of caring people that I didn't even know I had. And of course I've been living with my brother the junkie who lives on pop tarts and chocolate chip granola bars, so I haven't been eating, so Andrea made me fried chicken and corn on the cob. I haven't had anything even resembling home cooked food in so long... I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. Do you remember the black dog? Well there are two. There is the one in your peripheral who runs silently beside you at all times, but I mean the one who was obsessed with you and followed you from room to room outside the house, under the house, until you had to put it in the car and drive it away because it was crying and keeping Anthony awake? Don't ever forget that dog. Its the least you can do. |
| I was sort of half paying attention to the news, I don't watch because I don't have room in my head for all that horrible shit, but occasionally some wonderful little tidbit will bypass all the evil and make it worth it. 3D printers are awesome by the way, and they are absolutely the wave of the future. Good or bad is up to us, as is ultimately everything. You can make anything with a 3 D printer. There's a little boy in Hawaii who lost his hand, I don't know how because if course I wasn't paying that much attention, like I said, but in some way it was news so I'm going to be logical and use my imagination and say it was a shark attack. He's only three but hey, three year olds surf, so yeah, I'm going with shark attack. Anyway, there's this guy on the other side of the country who saw this, and printed the kid a new hand on his 3D printer and sent it to him. Worked great. Can you imagine? Maybe there's hope for this world after all. At least someone us spreading honey on the flies. Good job 3D printer guy! Keep using your powers for good, but remember, with great power comes great responsibility. Don't let uncle Ben die just because you're feeling vindictive one day. And could you please print me out a new C3 vertebra? I'll be reeeeeal good! Til later imaginary reader. Have a lovely day. Flies and honey. Oh before I forget, Son (his real name was Omen, you forgot that :( ) died on August 20th, thus another date on the August sucks ass calendar...but I digress. His ashes were supposed to be delivered and they weren't so I was supposed to call last week and I forgot three times, because hey, I'm not doing anything after all...so I PROMISED to do it today. I set an alarm with the phone number and I woke up a little before it went off but I like my sleep don't I? Yes I do. So I had a little dream in between, and it went like this... "Yes, I had my dalmation Son cremated on the 20th and he was supposed to be delivered back to me, but he wasn't. Could you tell me what happened and when will he be delivered?" "Um...I'm not seeing a dalmation on the 20th, ma'am. Are you sure that's the date?" "Yes I'm sure that's the date, I'm looking at the goddamn check I wrote you ON THE 20th!" "Well, I'm sorry, I don't know what to tell you, but we don't have him." (Me shrieking) "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T FUCKING HAVE HIM?! HOW CAN YOU HAVE LOST MY SON!!!!!" "I'm so sorry ma'am, we just don't have record of a dalmation named Son at our facility. Are you sure it was us?" "Oh my bad. Did I say dalmation? I'm such a fucking retard. He's a cat." So you at least woke up with a bit of a giggle. And when you called they were polite and said I'm so sorry we somehow didn't have him down for delivery we'll get him to you tomorrow. And you got your gabapentin called in for tomorrow. Let's see how the rest of the day goes. Oh shit. I just realized tomorrow is the one day I actually have to do stuff. Well que sera, or however you spell that. Life is but a dream. Oh, and I got four more chicks from outside! The chickens were PISSED! Even the rooster attacked me lol. Whatever. I threw the biggest one in the cage in with the big silkies and suddenly he doesn't feel like quite the badass he thought he was. Go figure. |
| I just spent a few very entertaining hours reading all my past entries and I just have to say Damn! I'm talented as hell! No, I'm kidding. I haven't been on here for possibly years, I forgot to check the date on the last entry, but earlier today I thought, you know Spook, its time you did something for yourself. Something cathartic to take yourself away from all this misery and suffering. Something to release the demons that have taken up residence in your goopy, busted up soul. And then it occurred to me that I haven't written anything in a very long time. I started by reading though. As I trailed through half forgotten memories, I laughed until I cried, and I cried until I laughed. Mostly I cried, but I guess that's sort of apparent. Memories here of my mother, my love who I left almost exactly one month ago, and not because I stopped loving him. Memories of my sister and I when we were young and pain free and had the world at our feet. Memories of my children. Memories of past lovers who I thought were THE ONE. Always THE ONE. Then when I had him I set him free. God how I miss him. But what is a journal but just memories made solid and tangible? Only memories. My love. I can barely breathe at the thought of him. He got hooked on that stupid fucking spice shit, fake pot, because he was a trucker and they couldn't test for it. But the thing is, its worse than almost any drug out there. It turned him into someone else. Some weird zombie person who vaguely resembled the man I loved so dearly. I finally couldn't take it anymore. I so hope that somehow his life is turning without my poison in it. I hope he is doing everything he ever wanted. Ok. So then my brother. He has the same fucking problem. And Libs has tried and tried to make him stop and he says I'll never do it again, and then the next day he comes home high. He totalled his car and got arrested for DUI. He'll probably lose his job when that court date comes around because he works for an auto rescue company. He said "I'm done with that shit, it ruined my life", although he won't ant that he blacked out. He says he blew a tire and lost control. Such fucking horseshit. Then guess who came home high three days later? Libs left for a week to make a point and he finally texted her "I love you, I need you in my life, I'm done with this shit." So she came home. Two days later, guess who's high? I live here with them now since I left my love, and when she left she asked me to take care of her animals. That's how fucking retarded this idiot is. They're his animals too, and he can't even be counted on to take care of them. They've been together for 15 years. Anyway, so she flipped out and bam! She's gone again. Who's here? Me. Taking care of her goddamn animals. Now I would literally do anything in the world for her. But this position she's put me in...I feel like what little sanity I may have gained by leaving my love got the fuck out of Dodge. I left the man I love, who still lives in every beat of my bloody, hemorrhaging heart, so much so that I can't even find it in myself to delete our last fight from my text messages because its my only connection to him, and she's my rock. And she left me here for...going on two Weeks now...with a stupid junkie fucking asshole spice head that I hate!!!!! I'm beyond words at this point. I just want her to come back. But the fucked up thing is that I know she's not going to. So...what? What the fuck do I do? She was all I had. I am apparently not all she has. Which is good for her. I'm glad, because in this situation you need support. SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE A PERSON WITH NO MOTHERFUCKING SUPPORT. Lost. I wrecked my car Tuesday so i've been an in store, working for minimum wage. Soul wrecker. I'm worth so much more but I won't get it. And my hands are in a splitting/bleeding phase, so its unbelievably fucking painful to do even the most simple things. Just have to find a way to fix my car. Bought an exacto knife because it has the sharpest blade ever, titanium, and guaranteed not to rust. What could possibly have provoked me to buy it? I don't really know, but I think about it a lot. It would be a shame to put this new tattoo to waste though. Full moon syndrome. Totally unrelated to werewolf week. Well maybe not totally; insanity is insanity after all. A new symptom of my diseases, my gp calls it trigeminal neuralgia but its not that and I'm not sure he'd know the difference between an aspirin and rat poison at this point. Perhaps I should test that theory sometime. It started out like things crawling on the left side of my face and now its like that entire side of my head has been dipped in habanero pepper juice. Excruciating burning at all times, with little bolts of electricity in my eyelid and lip and nostril. Went to a neurologist and his treatment was to throw more gabapentin at it. I called my pain doctor to ask if that was ok and he said hell no. Pain doctor put me on a crazy high dose of prednisone which made me crazy. I spent a week trying to plot the GPS coordinates of thought so you could travel back in time. Then I decided that if I could absorb nano tubes I could hold so much more information, and what's the best way to absorb something directly to the brain? Why to snort it, of course! THEN I thought, hell, it would be a terrible waste to have all that knowledge in this dying body, so I should also absorb nano BOTS! They could assimilate all my cells until I was essentially God. Pain doctor was very impressed with this line of thinking and said somehow the pred had turned on a part of my brain that wasn't usually accessible, and that there was a paper thin line between genius and psychosis. He said Hitler was a genius too, he just broke through the paper. I laughed pretty hard at that. Then he put a note in my file that said 'reaction to high doses of prednisone'. The pain in my face and back either went away during this time or I was too insane to feel it, I'm not sure. He said it would take 4-5 months to go away completely but I have news for him, which I will tell him Tuesday. It hurts just as bad, if not worse, than it did before the crazy pills. I can't even touch my face. Just to brush it lightly with my fingertips feels like rubbing it with sandpaper. I don't know what to do anymore but I feel pretty hopeless right now. What else? Seraquel has finally lost weight now that...my ex love...isn't sneaking her junk food behind my back. She's probably lost two or the pounds, so I'm happy about that. She was starting to look like a little tank. Plus she has this backyard to run around in. The neighbors have doxies and their little piebald just had puppies. Its killing me to not go see them, because I know I'll fall in love and end up with one. The first time Libs left, she came back with this poor disgusting puppy that these idiotic people...Jesus, I guess it had mange and they're total rednecks so they dipped it in motor oil. It was skin and bones and full of worms and had no fur, and was basically just disgusting. So anyway I've obviously been taking care of it. Happy to say its fur has grown back, its worm free, cute as hell, its half chihuahua and half toy fox terrier. Fucking adorable. I named her Dobby because when she was all hairless and gross she looked like him lol. Now we play and have fun and I love her little ass. She's doubled in size. I'll be so sad to see her go but I have either another doxie planned or after smeagol and seraquel go I'll just get one big dog. I don't know yet, but I do know a terrhuahua isn't in the plans. Hopefully I'll talk someone I know and trust into taking her so I can see and play with her all the time. I guess that's all my random thoughts for now, its late and I do need to get up in time to do laundry. Oh, in case something weird happens and future self forgets, you live in the rv in Libs backyard. There are chickens. She still has the sugar gliders, they've had some babies, they've eaten some babies. You lay here at night remembering...and trying to forget. You tried to send Anthony a brain hug a few nights ago and ended up in the land of the dead, remember that? You were in his arms, and suddenly you were in Chris Hines arms. You looked up when the sea of 'little doctors' (scarab beetles) swarmed over a hill and you pulled away because you weren't controlling it anymore. But you were still mostly awake. You could hear the music, feel the pillow under your head, the uncomfortable bed beneath your back. He stepped away and looked away. You thought "I'm in control" but you couldn't make him speak, and the doctors made a circle around the two of you. He looked at you with those incredible blue eyes, like chips of sapphire, just stared, but you couldn't make him speak. Shit started to get really scary when you realized you weren't in control and you could hear the beetles buzzing and clicking and couldn't hear the music anymore. How did you get back? You were NOT in control. Was Chris? Did he send you? The point is, don't mix your pills with that apple beer anymore unless you want shit like that to happen, okay? Flies? Honey? Do I even give a shit about the two anymore? For your sake, imaginary reader, I do. Spread the honey, catch the flies. And then kill them. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Good God! I kept trying and trying to get it out of there, don't even know how it fell into the trash, but I finally got access to a REAL computer and fixed it! I feel like I have a LOT of email to answer. Thanks for birthday wishes, I wasn't ignoring you I promise. I'll be writing again starting tonight! Oh how I missed you Blogging Circle! and just in case I didn't do it right, somehow, though I'm almost positive I did, somebody let me know if they can read this, okay? |
| I had to share these memories before I forget them again, because they are true gems. I said I'd tell you some stories about my mother sometime, right? Well now is the time. She was just as goofy and weird as me, or maybe that goes the other way around, but she was surely a character. She also suffered from terminal illness, kidney disease, diabetes, heart disease, all kinds of crap. I cared for her in the last four years of her life, and got to know her in ways that I never knew her before. One day, she was sitting at the computer, as she often did. I was doing homework, and listening to music. She suddenly turned to me with this expression like a lightbulb was going on somewhere. I raised an eyebrow. Dead serious. "I think I might have prostate cancer." Before I go any further, I have to explain what a practical joker she was. Until I was twelve years old, I truly believed that when you hit puberty, you would periodically shed your skin like a snake, as you grew. She liked to pretend she was dead, and did such a great job once that I actually got as far as dialing 91- before she sat up and scared the hell out of me. She had me convinced that eating undercooked or raw potatoes would kill you, and that if you accidentally swallowed a watermelon seed, a watermelon would grow inside you until you burst. The little fish tank we kept had a single red light. I did not know this. She told me that they were special fish that could only live in blood, and to never stick my hand in it, because thay would burrow through my skin and swim around in my veins and arteries. And people ask why I'm so weird... So anyway, you get where I'm coming from. I've had quite a bit of medical training, and my mom's no dummy. So when she looked at me so seriously and said that she thought she had prostate cancer, I just smiled. Can't fool me. But she continued. "I looked up some symptoms I have, and it all points to prostate cancer." She turned back to the computer. "Mom..." I started. She began listing symptoms. "Mom. You don't have prostate cancer." I went back to my homework. "But I do. I have all those symptoms." I was still waiting for a punchline. It didn't come. I sighed and carefully closed my book. "You don't have a prostate, mom." "How do you know? I haven't had it removed." "You don't have one because you never had one." She just stared at me. I tried to explain it in the best way I knew how. "Do you produce sperm?" " I don't think so." "No. The answer to that is no. You do not produce sperm, and therefore you do not have a prostate gland, and therefore you cannot have prostate cancer. Case closed." She heaved a sigh. "Damn. I thought I had it figured out this time." Then one day, not too long after that, she did the same thing. Turned to me, serious as shit, and said, "My eye just blew out." It was a bit dark in the room. I looked at her. "Like blew out, it's rolling around on the floor, or what?" I was prepared for that to be the case. "No. It just went black." She turned back to the computer. I stood up. "And...?" "Nothing. I just thought that was weird. I'll be fine." She kept playing her game. I put on my coat. "Okay, mom. Let's get you to the hospital..." I don't know why I just remembered that, but the memory made me laugh. I know it's pretty messed up to laugh about such things, but really, she was so odd and funny. I'm glad I remembered. Get this. At work today, it was pretty slow, so the four of us that were there ordered Chinese. We had a good time, and then when it came time for fortune cookies, we all went round and read them. I don't put much stock in fortune cookies, because it usually says some Confucious bit of sage wisdom. Brittnie's said, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you", Kyra's said, "Make it happen", and Josh's said, "Wisdom comes with age." All appropriate, generic fortunes. I cracked open my cookie to read this, "Catch on fire with enthusiasm, and people will come from miles to watch you burn." Whoa. I took this cookie seriously. With my renewed enthusiasm for writing for the joy of storytelling, I take it to mean that by catching on fire with my various projects, that people will see them, and not only that, but seek them, and enjoy them. So my new motto is "Come and watch me burn!" Another cryptic homily. I like things that require thought and explanation. That cookie was meant for me, as a reminder that writing is what I do, and I should always be on fire. Of course, the guys at work took it to mean I should be tied to a stake and burned as a witch. Sigh. The unenlightened children. So my hope is that you, my friends and family, will joyfully watch me burn, and distract those who seek to put out the flames. Come! Watch me burn! |
| The song is Chris Cornell, solo, album titled Euphoria Morning. Not Soundgarden. I told you my neighbor died, right? Well, he had the oddest habit of cranking up his t.v. to static, incredibly loud, and leaving the lights on to sleep. I just went outside, and though the blinds are closed, the lights are all on, and the t.v. is on full blast. Static. I am creeped out more than words can say right now. And at four a.m., still alive so far! Going to sleep though. A lot could happen in the next eight hours... if I don't see you again, we had some times, didn't we? Hope to find you all well this time tomorrow. (((HUGS))) |
| My Santa gave me a really cool sig, but I can't figure out how to put it on here! I used to know how, but my brain has turned to cheese since then. Thank you Santa, whoever you are. Does anyone know if there's a way to display cNote's, or are those beautiful images stuck in my inbox forever? That would make me sad. Alluding to the title of my entry, did anyone watch that movie? Movie review? Sure, thanks for asking! Seeking a friend for the end of the world  Starring Steve Carrell and Kiera Knightly, two of my favorite stars. I will say that it was listed under comedy on Redbox, but it's a pretty dark comedy. Right up my alley. Basically, a meteor is on a collision course with the Earth, they sent up a team to destroy it, they failed, Earth is doomed. It follows the last two weeks of a man's life as he struggles to come to terms with the mortality of man. He meets a girl while on his way to find the love of his life, and agrees to take her to a plane so she can spend her last moments with her family in England. They have many wacky adventures that the lighthearted might not think are as funny as I did. His Spanish maid refuses to stop cleaning his apartment, she keeps thinking he's firing her when he tells her to go home to her family. Each time, he ends up telling her, "See you next week", because she's so hurt that he doesn't want her to come back. I suppose he realizes that if the world is ending, and cleaning makes you happy, then do it. Through the movie, he grows from a sullen, angry, heartbroken man to a happy, carefree soul, who dies with a smile as he gazes into the eyes of his beloved. It's not for everyone, and you might not watch it if you're feeling vulnerable. Probably make you cry. On a side note, the title came from a beautiful Soundgarden song, and I was a little peeved that it didn't appear in the soundtrack. Kind of like that movie 2012 (about today?) that didn't feature Tool's Aenima, though it did in the trailer. Legal issues? Don't know, but I will be listening to that song at least once today, though not with any real conviction. When I really get into it, weird stuff happens. Like hail from a clear blue sky when I was prayin' for rain... Well that was a crazy ass review! The point was, it's a very good movie, and a very good song, and I recommend both to anyone and everyone. Personal victory: I wrote another chapter of that story I started earlier. I'm still satisfied with it, and that pleases me. Actually had a cool idea that connects it to another story, as yet just an outline, but I think it will be pretty cool to do this one first, and then reveal the back story that is hinted at in this story I'm on now. Excited to be really writing again! I've been working on a novel for so long, it's nice to step away and write something else. Can't wait to share it with all of you! Okay. Today's prompt, what would I like others to say about me when I leave this Earth. A grave subject (nyuk nyuk). I don't know if anyone will say anything at all, but if they do, I hope it goes something like this: Anthony: (Sobbing, but smiling through the tears) She was the love of my life. She made me laugh so hard it made my face hurt. And she was so beautiful (voice catching) ...the world has truly lost an angel today. (Uncomfortable laughter from the hundreds gathered at the Georgia aquarium for this private event. Anthony is helped back to his seat by his brother, as Libs takes the podium.) Libs: (face swollen and red) Shanna was my best friend for twenty two years, and we never had a fight or even a real argument. We had so much fun, so many good memories. She helped me through so much loss with her humor, and whenever I felt especially bad, I'd call her up to come by. We were the best medicine for each other. I always felt better when she left. And if I ever needed to know how to spell something, or where a comma needed to be, she was there to help. (More laughter, less uncomfortable than before. The mourners are warming up, remembering Shanna's obsession with properly spelled words and use of grammar. Libs walks back to her seat shakily, and her husband, Shanna's brother Mike, takes her place.) Mike: I remember when she was six and I threw her off the roof. (crowd gasps) She didn't even cry. And then when she was taking swimming lessons, and just dove in. She almost drowned. It was hilarious! (the crowd looks around uneasily. Mike tugs at the collar of his suit.) Uhh... she was funny and brave, is what I meant. (Mike quickly walks back to his seat amidst silence. No one else takes the podium, but a dark skinned Moroccan man stands up.) Kamal: I called her Kapaw, but I don't remember why. I found her bra in the bathroom trash once, and took it home. She was a friend and a comfort, and I loved her. (Kamal sits down, and a young blond man across the room stands up.) Joel: She was like a therapist for me. I talked to her about things I didn't talk to anyone else about. We had staring contests, and I never won. My contacts would dry out. We shared jokes about Family guy. (in falsetto) Free honey for everyone! Yay Mayor Bee! Oh! Done stung myself! (laughter. He sits back down. This goes on and on, people standing up to share funny memories, hilarious things she once said, how she liked to sneak up and scare the living hell out of them, or epic battles they had in the box room, all of which she won. In the end, the whole crowd is laughing. Even the two enormous whale sharks, Ralph and Norton, whose tank the funeral is taking place in front of, have gathered together and squeal with whale laughter. Finally, Anthony stands up, holding a large, grayish piece of fake coral) Anthony: Well, I think it's time to finish this up and get to the partying. (He gestures to Libs, who hits a button on a radio. A Tool song, The Patient, begins to pour from hidden speakers. She joins Anthony at the podium, takes hold of the fake coral, which looks like a Staghorn, and together they make their way to a set of stairs that run up to the side of a coral reef exhibit. The whales watch in awe, as does the congregation. The two reach the top of the stairs, raise the fake Staghorn in triumph over their heads, and then hand it down to a pair of divers in full snorkel gear, who carefully take it to the bottom of the display, amidst hundreds of colorful corals. It looks rather plain there, but as a few fish wander over to check it out, they all smile, knowing that someday, Shanna's ashes, carefully crafted into the coral skeleton, will soon be teeming with color and life, as the living corals and organisms make her final remains their new and hopefully permanent home.) Anthony: Okay! Let the party begin! (a disco ball descends from the ceiling as the Tool song ends, and the Puscifer song Conditions of my parole, begins. Everyone starts dancing, lining up at the bar in the back, and having a great time. Camera comes in on a tight shot of the new coral in the display as a long spined urchin explores it. Fade out) |
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