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 |   Enga mellom fjella: where from across the meadow, poems sing from mountains and molehills. |
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Enga mellom Fjella  Sentinel Marked as if you own me I bow before the Bitterroots and just like you my rocky soil, my withered grass lays prey to the empty sky. © Kåre Enga 2007 "Sentinel"   Reader's Choice of Poems: "'heart's home'" "Where grows the compost heap" "Waterlily" "La Bella Vita" "Drugs sold here" Reader's Choice of blog entries from my old blog "L'aura del Campo" :"Death of Jeannie New Moon" "Doing and don'ting. A scene in 2nd person." "In a garden of roses, baby" "Holy day. Autumn in November. A mole." "Il pleure (poem). We R puddle-luscious, aujourd'hui." FACES     PLACES            Kåre  Enga~ until everything was rainbow, rainbow, rainbow! And I let the fish go. ~ Elizabeth Bishop The Fish |
| 51.675 So many views... ...of so much trash!  Actually, all of it isn't trash. Some old ones are good. My recent blogs have been dreary... ...because I am. In continued pursuit of that dreariness: WHY I SHOULDN'T GO BACK This last visit to Costa Rica was emotionally draining. When I was a student there 40 years ago I swore I'd never go back! And I didn't for 35 years. Why the upsets this time? 1. I'm NOT family. 2. FAMILY is all that matters. The word for friendship in Spanish is amistad. The word for friend is amigo. Ticos don't understand either in a sense that I do. And because of that I feel neither appreciated nor loved when I visit there. I realize that friendship is helped by closeness, time spent together, trust, keeping promises. In Costa Rica none of this matters if you aren't family. So... I always feel frustrated by nice people. Ticos are NICE. Just not trustworthy, intimate or interested in friendships beyond family. Do I bother to go back someday? Yes. But just to travel, say hello, enjoy myself and not expect to ever develop friendships with folks who do not have the concept beyond words that are empty of any nurturing meaning. |
| The last month has been emotionally draining. The trip back was uneventful but tiring. Today I'm just out-of-sorts exhausted. I need a vacation. A vacation in the sense of "vacate". Maybe a trip east to Ontario to visit friends or going to Eureka... I need to: Just hang out, not travel. Have no obligations nor responsibilities. Have no expectations. And there's the rub... visiting friends may come with expectations. Maybe I should visit the Cotswolds, a place I've never been, and do nothing but walk, take pictures and write. A cottage with a resident cat or dog would do well. A quaint village would suit me fine. No tourists, no excitement, nowhere to go or be other than just to be. I may just settle on Missoula. Afterall, I've been on the road for three months out of four. I'm very tired and feeling withdrawn. Yep. I need to vacate. 51,654 |
| In Granada: Amazed how different it is. A colonial town with a vibrant turist scene. Hot. Humid. Horses... everywhere. Carriages and carts. Stray dogs. A pig in the market. Courtyards. I enjoyed the brief rain. But now trying to survive under a fan. I always survive. Nicaragua was plan N. Not well planned at all. Bus trip was long and dusty although talking to Lorraine, age 60 from York, and her young 30 year old travel companion from Perth, was nice. I should come back. ♥ |
| Not sure where this entry will go. I sit on a couch looking at the time and wondering if any of this matters. My blog entries have been mostly bummers. My journal more detailed but less negative. I keep most of my angst here and not on facebook. It would be nice to write an insightful entry. I used to... I used to do lots of things. Passions over the years included gardening. Both as a child (age 9-21) and later when I dressed up the place I rented and when I bought a house (34-51) and occasionally in-between and after. I now have geraniums and jade trees. I read alot as a child after age 10. Now, the opportunities come and go. I have many poetry books. And far too many others that must find new homes. I started writing in 1999. Wrote a lot after 2002. Started my journal in 2003, my blog in 2005. Still write but not much since 2012. I wanted to travel when I was 11. Went on my first roadtrip when I was 19... to Connecticut. Went to school in Kansas and Costa Rica. Lived in Nebraska. From age 26 to 51 I only traveled a bit, mostly by train. Then I moved to Oklahoma, Colorado, Kansas, Montana. I started to travel outside the country in 2009. I started to take pictures... thousands of pictures. Another passion was giving parties. Mostly in the 80s but for many years after as well. The parties ended in 2003. What to do now? I'm not feeling passionate about much of anything. I need to rekindle the old flames or find a new one soon. Life without passion isn't worth living. Intense passion or quiet passion. Either will do. |
| ...off to somewhere, who knows where. Puntarenas was fine. Like the place I always stay in. Good to visit Naomi and Sandra in Jacó. Grecia has been fine too. Hostel is nice; town is nice. Got chance to visit Sarchí for first time after 40 years. I don't really remember our visit there; although I may have bought gifts. Nice stroll around the botanical gardens. So every little thing is nice... Piss on it. I've been stressed, distraught and depressed. Not the trip I had planned. Making the best of it? Sure. But I'm not happy. I still cannot figure out my Tico friends. I'm no longer sure what motivates them. Such conflicting signals. At least the cats I have met have been friendly. Where to now? I dunno. Got 10 more days, a couple if people to see... I'd be happier if I were flying out now except there are fires in the West U.S. and that usually means smoke in the air and having difficulty breathing. No, I'm not happy. |
| I need to write: "The Tales of Juan Shoe and Juan Sock" Just saying... Someday. Not today. Not feeling 100% and the band in the park is rocking the hotel. Not the wonderful quiet day I was looking forward to. Maybe I should've gone to Puntarenas? Just second guessing myself. I did get to Immigration. The guy told me to just lay low those last two days and not worry about it. Actually... going across the Panamá boarder would be just as stressful for me. Crossing into Nicaragua would be interesting though. With that resolved I need to focus on the next two weeks. I have friends to visit in the Central Valley. I could decide on visiting a couple places, relax, look forward to writing when I get back home and planing my next trip. This trip has been trippy. Such a mix of emotions. |
| No. Me: Still not happy although I've calmed down some. Asking for help from friends was a great idea. Getting on the bus yesterday actually helped. It was a proactive decision. Better than sitting around moaning. Tomorrow I'm off once again. Already got my bus ticket. So... it's already late and blogging on my tablet is a pain... Hope to blog soon. |
| Some bad news today but I'll wait to share until I work it all out. Sometimes I do... In general I'm not happy. I saw Johnny, Aristocolis and Alberth today. Ate at the market as usual. Did nothing. Sundays are quiet here and I just didn't know what to do. Therefore... nothing. I even turned on the television! Not a good sign at all. Facebook hasn't thrilled me. Much of the news at Yahoo has depressed me. The Societal Wars drain me. "Relationships" like "friendship" sadden me. I miss the 80s... and that's scary. Ack... I'm getting old. 51.471 |
| Costa Rica versus Holland. Every television will have it on. My Dutch-Tico friends can't lose, but... ...for this small country the game is HUGE. For the people in Perez it's also a bit of personal pride. The goal keeper Navas is from here. Yo: I'm okay. Trying to stay vertical, awake and out of the sun. Still feeling weak. Ate my pinto (rice and black beans) con natilla (a sweet sour cream) with an enyucado (meat wrapped in casava) at my favorite place. Have downed coffee at the hotel. Just ate an avocado. So... I'm okay. I'm trying to edit a poem in Spanish. I'd ask at WDC but I'm not a member of any Spanish speaking/writing group here. time to go looking for one. I need alternative words, help with grammar. The sounds and rhythm of the language are less of a problem. Hope to have something for the Writer's group this evening... if they are meeting! The problem with a country that loves flexibility more than discipline is that it frequently disappoints those of us who need some discipline to encourage our own flexibility. My inner life is chaotic enough that I don't need exterior drama. Oh well. Tomorrow is another day. And there may be a big party. 51.453 |
| ME: One should go on vacation to relax. Not me. I travel and take photos and engage strangers and... wipe out. My trip isn't going "as planned". But, then again, I had no plans! Other than to meet up and travel with Bryan while he was between semesters. Well, he had phone problems, has to work, visit family and... the day we did meet up, he got sick. Spent a few hours with him though and that was good. Now I'm in Perez where I've lived, have friends, hang out. Sound relaxing? I've run into many of my friends. I'm in the same hotel where they know me. Have eaten at Soda El Molino where they know me. Today, I went to the farmers' market... where they know me. Walked around the market and park... You-all get the idea. I should be relaxed! But mostly I'm worn out. Feel weak. I'll go to the doctor when I return to Montana. Yes, one should relax in Paradise. Wish I had enough get up and go to sit down, relax and enjoy it. 51.438 |
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