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My thoughts on writing and other random things as they come up. |
| This is a blog where I keep my thoughts and daily comments about writing and WDC. |
Just a simple wish for a safe and happy holiday - I hope you have time to relax and enjoy the time with your loved ones. And good food - and good weather! Blessings, Sil |
| "If I feel physically as if the top of my head were taken off, I know that is poetry." Emily Dickinson. I'm a soccer mom, or pretty close to one. I am well aware that diversity is lacking in my life, and in my reading, both fiction and poetry. This flattens me as a person, and as an artist. In order to counteract this, I read as much "diverse" works, including poetry, as I possibly can. I don't always understand it, or get it. I also am sort of 'against' anything that feels alarmist or extremely political. I don't like to have my neat little world tinkered with I guess. So I try to expand, carefully. If that makes any sense.... But - today - I got a book on Inter-library loan, and it's flat blowing me away. I'm just kind of walking around shaking my head, and I'm only three poems in. I wonder if it's just me, or if it will open up windows in the soul of other poets as well... New Testament  .GOT to have my own copy. Yowzer. Way to go Jericho Brown! I'm shouting from the rooftops, sharing it with everyone I can. This is a work that will change my life. Best, Sil |
| Don't really need comments on this - just need to get it out I think. I am startled sometimes by the hidden depth of grief. Today, I am uncharacteristically participating in a Christmas party with the next door office suite. First, I'm not all that social when not required to be, and second, I'm not feeling all that much like Christmas. Also - I don't feel all that confident, so it's like I'm not confident enough to not participate. Which is kind of crazy. Anyway - one of my co-workers was helping me look for a extension cord for a crock pot, and I mentioned that I was kind of forcing myself to participate in things, because if I didn't I would be so sad all the time. There was a sharp edge to that, and it sank right into my gut, and it felt so true - almost like it was like it was cutting me, and I started to cry. How can it be Christmas. Why should I make myself try to enjoy it? How come I feel so alone, when I am not the only member of my family going through this? I can feel depression lurking in the wings, and I'm combating it with exercise. I know it's probably NOT only that Barbara passed away. I know it's a combination of things. But it's mourning all the same. And I'm fighting it, the only ways I know how. I read a book yesterday called The Sky is Everywhere . It's a book I would consider a recommended YA read.It's about a young girl, and her sister dies. It's about coping with death, and the magnitude of emotions. It's a little bit angsty, but the overall message was a strong one, and I enjoyed the book. I felt like it helped me in several ways, although reading sad books about death is probably not the best way for me to get out of this pit. Although, in some ways it feels necessary. One line in the book really resonated strongly. To paraphrase, "I will grieve forever, because I will love you forever, and grief and love are inexorably intertwined." That felt very true. And reading the book made me feel a little less alone. Sorry to be such a bummer at Holiday Time. Blessings to you and yours. Sil |
On the Wednesday before Thanksgiving we got learned that my Mom-in-law wasn't doing too well, and was not expected to live much longer. So I gave up on Nanowrimo this year (and we cancelled Thanksgiving). She died last Tuesday (December 2), but I was able to spend a lot of time with her before she passed. Since then, we have been busy with funeral arrangements and tending to each other. I know I was determined to power through, but this was more than I could stand, and I'm glad I let it go. I have a feeling it's going to be a while before I feel much like writing again, but that's okay. I'm glad I had kind of cleared my plate for Nanowrimo, because that made it easier to spend time with Barb. And of course, some things are just more important than writing. She was a great lady and will be so missed. Blessings to you this Holiday, Sil |
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