*Magnify*
    March     ►
SMTWTFS
     
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
17
18
19
20
21
22
23
24
25
26
27
28
29
30
31
Archive RSS
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/books.php/item_id/1993809-Its-all-about-the-Journey
Rated: 18+ · Book · Parenting · #1993809
A continuation of my original blog, "Surviving Motherhood".
Welcome to my world of middle school, high school, and motherhood. The life of a mom is never easy, especially as children grow, and especially when you have a special needs child.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
April 19, 2019 at 7:11am
April 19, 2019 at 7:11am
#956969
Today is something I didn't realize could happen as soon as it did. I never realized we'd get to this point just yet-they don't lie when they say time flies.

I wasn't going to blog anymore, especially when I only renewed my membership for three months to gather all of my things and head out...but I know that if I leave here and try to go elsewhere to start something, I'll lose this moment. I needs to be put here for posterity. For me to look back on, and cry, and smile, and be wistful.

I scheduled an appointment for Ryan to take his learner's permit to drive. He needed to be 15 years and 9 months old or older. He hit that mark on March 25th, so I scheduled him during spring break, and had the car today to take him.

As I sat there and watched the lady put in all his information, from the letter that the school had to fill to prove that he's currently enrolled in school, to his birth certificate, to our lease with him listed as an occupant, I watched from the side, and I noticed how in that scruffy bearded face, and those adult sized glasses that match his dad's, and those long flowing locks, there was my little guy, my baby, right there in front of me. I could see the curve of his cheek from when he was a year old. I could see his big bright smile, as she asked the questions he needed to answer, and my heart leaped and broke all at the same time.

How did we get here? How did my little "Pooper" grow so fast? For the first time ever, I sat there and realized just how much time had passed, and remembered how it used to be when he was small. When he was 6 months old, and would hold special pajama parties with me once I would get home from work at 11:30 at night. The little guy who would wait for us to wake up in the morning, and greet us with a "Haddoh!" as soon as we roused. The little guy who used to run down the hall in his baseball shirt, a bandanna strapped to the back of the shirt neck, running down the hall with his best buddy Ooh-Ooh, laughing and tossing Ooh-Ooh everywhere. The 15 month old who would sit quietly in his crib, counting cars out the window in the dark of the early morning. The kiddo who wasn't even 2 years old yet, who flew to Maryland for the first time, and cried out "OH MY GOD, THEY HAVE PIZZA CHIP!" when we walked into a grocery store. The three year old who called our local classic rock station and asked the DJ to play Twisted Sisters' "I Wanna Rock", and when the DJ asked if he had a twisted sister, he replied "No, I have a baby sister!". The big brother that handed the nurse that wheeled Journey in her little plastic bassinet when she was first born a diaper, and told her "Here, put this on her, we're taking her home now". The precocious 5 year old whose kindergarten teacher was so impressed with his maturity and behavior that he earned Citizen of the Month, which was a hard feat at that time. The 6 year old that impressed his first grade teacher so much with his math and logic skills that she told him in a joking manner that he should teach the class math. The fourth grader that begged me to let him join band, and not only grew to love it, but excel at it. The eight grader who quietly stood up to the bully, stood his ground, and took matters into his own hands of moving himself to a different class schedule in order to avoid him. The 9th grader that really broke out of his shell joining the high school band.

It made me well up. It made me choke back tears. I looked at him, almost a man, but yet still a child, and watched him fill out all his information for a learner's permit to learn to drive.

I will be teaching my son how to drive.

The sheer audacity of it just blows my mind. I taught him so many things so far...colors, shapes, numbers, letters, how to diagram a sentence. How to multiply thanks to Yahtzee, how to tie his shoes. How to shave...that one was hard too. But now, I get to teach him how to keep control of a moving vehicle. I'm giving him yet more tools to become independent, so when that day comes that it's time for him to leave the nest, he'l be ready.

And, I think, that's the point that hits me hardest. All these "BIG" milestones. All the ones that point out the fact that soon, he'll be away from our house, out on his own, doing his own thing. The reality hits. If he decides to go off to college somewhere else, I won't see him every single day like I'm used to. I won't hear his alarm go off so he can take a shower. I won't watch him get ready for his day, walk out the door and say good-bye as he heads to school. I won't see him come home, either right after school ends, or later due to multiple band commitments. He won't be here to help me make dinner. He won't be here for me to remind him to go practice his clarinet, or to bring around the trash bin. He won't be here for Dixon to sit on his lap, or for us to drive around together and talk. I won't be taking him to his clarinet instructor anymore. And that's when it truly breaks me. This motherhood gig is a bittersweet roller coaster. It's not until you get to the end of the "full time living in your house going to school" thing that you realize just how true it is when someone tells you "Don't wish it away...someday you'll miss having them need you". It's my job to teach my kids all the things that will get them through life-all the things school won't teach them. It's my job to help them grow, and become independent, and good citizens of the world. It's my job at some point to just let them travel out the world by themselves, without me holding their hands.

And it reminds me of when Ryan was about 7, and told me he didn't need to hold my hand anymore when we walked to school. "It's okay Mama, I'll be safe", his little voice said. I can almost guarantee those will be the same words on his lips as he pulls out of our parking spot on his way to somewhere for the first time when he has his license. And how my heart will just burst and break at the same time, all over again.

You start to realize, you can't really remember what their little kid voice sounded like. The memories are still there, but now fuzzy. You feel like there were parts you just kind of stumbled through, in a zombie-like state, trying to get from one day to the next. I think, to be honest, that I was almost being prophetic when I started this blog. I wanted to capture all I possibly could. I kind of am angry at myself for the slacking I've done these last couple of years, and I know that my heart will hurt for it when I come back to read these, and realize there's pieces of time that I'm missing, and I wish so bad I could remember them.

But I'm here now, to save this memory. To remember the day that I took my son to get his learner's permit. To remember the day I took him to the abandoned parking lot of a closed down grocery store, and let him get his first feel behind the wheel of a vehicle. I want to keep this in my mind forever if I can. I don't ever want to forget it. I hope I never do.

March 21, 2019 at 5:42pm
March 21, 2019 at 5:42pm
#954712
Much has been going on here in my world. A lot that I just haven't had the time or wherewithal to discuss.

It's not that I don't love this blog-I really do. I would love to turn off the damned reminders to update. I haven't been here in forever, and it's just causing all these pressure issues. I dunno. I don't have much of an audience on here as it is anyway. I can't really add more works here because I'm almost to my limit, and frankly, paying $50 just to keep my works housed and my blogs housed isn't worth it for me anymore. I'm not about to go to the bigger upgrade, as I don't spend enough time on here to justify that. Frankly, all that matters is that my poetry and my blogs get saved. I can easily do that by clicking on that lovely little gear at the top, and walk away. I can start another blog elsewhere...not sure where at this time, but I know that my hands can't really take handwriting much anymore. I'll figure it out. There are still many things I'd like to write about, such as the fact that Ryan is going to be trying for his learner's permit here next week, and is starting to think about applying to jobs, and we're discussing things like AP classes since next fall he'll be a junior in high school. Journey's looking forward to the magical age of 13. No more a kid, now a teenager. That makes her super happy.

It's not that I don't want to tell these stories...it's just that...it's not worth the price I need to pay in order to do it. If I were to let the membership go down, it would take away the things that mean the most, like my blogs. It's not a fair set up, and I'm just oh so tired of it.

My account expires in 10 days. I have 10 days to get all my important things from here, and move on. I'm grateful to this place for the good friends I've made, and I'll always cherish my time here...but I think it's time to end my WdC chapter, and go forth somewhere else. The expense is just too high to justify at this point, and I'm very limited with what I can keep and not, so it's just time to move on.

December 22, 2018 at 4:11pm
December 22, 2018 at 4:11pm
#948003
There's no need to delve very deep to find that Journey is a much younger, smaller version of me. Before she hit puberty, and and after she turned 3, she went into this autism regression stage. She was pretty verbal when she was 2, and then suddenly, it was if she lost that ability. It was so strange to me. She was a little firecracker when she was an infant up till about 2 and a half...but then she went into this shell, and she was a completely different child altogether. It wasn't until around end of 5th grade into now that she's become very opinionated, feisty and sassy, just like her Ma here. I have always loved her, any way she is. It kinda makes my heart squeeze though when I see how much she's got of me in her sometimes.

To me, Christmas has always been about giving. It's never been about receiving. I tell all my friends and relatives and family that Christmas is not about me-it never was. I'm not the one this holiday is made for. This is about me GIVING. That's what it's about to me. I want to find someone a gift (physical, metaphorical, spiritual, experience, time wise, whatever) that speaks so wholly of who they are, and what they like, and are about. I want to give them a smile, and warm their heart. I want them to know that someone gets them, and who they are. I want to give someone joy. THAT'S what Christmas means to me. It's never been about me getting presents. I don't need them. What I need is to spread some kindness in this world, and let people know they're important, and that I care about them. That's what I need.

My biggest personality trait is that I'm a helper-I want to help. I will do anything I can to help. That's why I took on leading my Girl Scout troop. That's why I took on being the Service Unit Cookie Manager. That's why I offer myself up all the time-I want to help. Helping gives me joy, makes me feel useful, like I have a purpose and that I can give someone the things they need, information, assistance, time, space, another set of hands or eyes, something. When it comes to organizing things or doing anything that requires steps or planning, I love to be able to offer assistance. I know how hard it is to put things together on your own, and I would never want anyone to do that, so I will do whatever I can to help. I am a firm believer in the Golden Rule-treat others how you yourself would like to be treated. I hold high expectations of myself to do as much good as I can in this world. I know everyone is human, and there aren't many people who have the time or the patience to do so, but I try to do my part as often as I can. It doesn't cost anything to be kind.

So imagine my surprise when I realized the way Journey operates with things like money and gifts. Most people, when they get money, they think of things they need, and want, and could spend it on for them. And believe me, that's great! Self care is very important, and if you find something you've been wanting to get for awhile that's important to you, or something you need, or something that will help make you smile, do it!! There's no shame in that whatsoever!

Journey and I however....when we're given money, we either like to save it (yes, we're stashers!), or we spend it on other people. I was given a gift of $50 for Christmas, and without thinking, I used it to buy Don and my mom a present each. It didn't occur to me that my gift giver would want me to spend it on myself-I just did what I do naturally, thought of what I could do to make others smile, and used it for that purpose. Was that a bad thing to do? I don't think so. What is a better thing to do than spend it on myself? Not at all. When given the choice, I choose to put it towards someone else though. I feel I have plenty in my life, there's really no reason to keep things for myself when I could give other things to people that need them or want them more.

Journey received a gift from one of her best friends at school-a bracelet making kit. The kit comes with enough beads, clasps and strings to make 2 bracelets.The first thing Journey thought to do? Make and give one of the bracelets back to her friend that gave her the kit, to not only show her appreciation for the gift, but to also give her a smile in return for being so thoughtful to her.

Journey would gladly give you the coat off her back. Journey will let you borrow her gloves. Journey will give you her last dollar if you need it. She will share her last chicken nugget, she'll give you a part of her lunch, she'll gladly hand over things. Now, she's not a doormat-she won't cave to someone that demands things from her. She has a keen sense of when someone is asking kindly, and when someone's trying to take advantage of her. She's quite intuitive that way! But when she sees her friends or family in need, and she realizes she has a way to help them, she's the first one in line to do so.


One day, I was out of something to drink (we had to head to the grocery store that night; we had to wait for Don to get home from work in order to go, as I didn't have the car that day), so she gave me her dollar bill that she had been saving so I could get a tea from the drink machine in the community laundromat. My heart burst. I couldn't believe she was offering this to me. I made sure to pay her back, because to me it was just amazing that she would give that up just for me. It made me feel so loved and important.

To know that I've handed that off to her...that makes my heart swell. Journey truly cares about people, and wants to help. Now, I know....this probably sounds like bragging about myself or something (which I am trying REALLY HARD to not make it sound like this!! I don't like trying to give myself credit for things-everyone does good stuff in the world, and those people should get all the credit as well!), but it's the only way I can think to show just the kind of soul my daughter is, and the kind of heart she has. She takes care of herself, yes; but she also makes sure that others are taken care of too. What a beautiful heart to put into this world. I am so proud of her.

So as this Christmas comes in 3 days, it won't be about anything that pertains to me. I've specifically asked for it not to be. I want it to be about all the others in my family, that I love. With Journey, it's all about her giving to those she notices as well. I love her so much.

December 3, 2018 at 1:07pm
December 3, 2018 at 1:07pm
#946772
Since this summer, Ryan's sights have been on being accepted into the Tri-County Honor Band, which only accepts the top band players from all three neighboring Southern Maryland counties-Charles County, St. Mary's County, and Calvert County. This prestigious band is only chosen every 3 years. The audition is held at a central location to all 3 counties, on one day only, once you have signed in and registered, from 8 am to whenever your number is called. You have to sign an intent form. You must be at ALL practices. You must get parental signatures. It's VERY big business-think, All County (which is just us here in St. Mary's), but BIGGER, because now it's ALL THREE COUNTIES of all of Southern Maryland.

According to Don when he took Ryan, there was a very large number of kids trying out, and considering it's for all 3 counties, and for both a middle school band, and also a high school band, that information doesn't surprise me at all.

Ryan was considering putting a lot of the band endeavors he has running right now all on the back burner to focus solely on attempting to make it into Tri-County. He made it in 7th grade, last time they held Tri-County, and he was the ONLY 7th grader in the ENTIRE SCHOOL to make it. He wanted to rise to occasion and do his best to cement another spot in this prestigious band, so he went to every single lesson we could take him to with his instructor. He practiced and practiced and practiced. He worked really hard, and it shows through EVERYTHING he's done so far, with both the youth orchestra, and his school band, and All County...you can see just how high of a level he's taken it to. It's astounding, and beautiful, and I am so damn proud of him.

Saturday, Don and Ryan headed to the location to register and play an audition for Tri-County. Ryan was much more confident this time around, and said that his mistakes were through the sight reading portion, as he got lost on the rhythm at first, but fixed it more towards the end. We told him no matter what, we were super proud of him, and we know he's worked hard to take his playing to a higher level.

He told us he should find out at latest today if he made it or not. And he did find out.

Ryan is 4th chair for Tri-County Honor Band. I am so proud I could burst!!

To some of you, hearing he's 4th chair may seem not that great of a deal. "Why didn't he try harder to go higher?" you may ask. Let me put this into perspective though-out of 15 PUBLIC high schools, and (I can't seem to find verifiable information) however numerous private high schools in ALL THREE COUNTIES, Ryan is in the TOP 5 of ALL CLARINET PLAYERS that registered in all three counties. Honestly?? That in itself is PHENOMENAL. To apply for this honor, to register for this band, to audition for this band, is an extremely competitive thing for all band students that want to test their abilities and see just how good they are. Ryan is one of the top clarinet players in all three counties.

That smacks me right in the face with just how amazing it is. It's a testament to just how talented Ryan is, and how his hard work has really paid off.

I am so proud. I'm on cloud nine for him. I cannot wait to be in that audience and watch him shine. *Heart*



November 12, 2018 at 3:27pm
November 12, 2018 at 3:27pm
#945425
Our Thanksgiving holiday is right around the corner, and I have to say that I'm very excited about it. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, as there are numerous facets that make it wonderful to me: #1-I get to cook a huge delicious feast for all my family and friends that make it to our place, and I LOVE cooking! #2-I get to spend time with people we don't always get to see. Case in point this year-Don's aunt is coming up for the holiday. We drove down to Florida to stay with her over New Year's Eve at the beginning of the year, and now she's headed our way to spend Thanksgiving with us. I can think of no better thing! #3-It's a holiday built on being grateful for all the great things in your lives, no matter how big or small. Everywhere you look, there's always something that's upsetting, or a let down, or something that's not up to par, something that's broken, or something that doesn't work right. The world is full of numerous complaints. People have begun to take life and all it offers for granted, and it's nice to just take a breath, look around at the ones you love, and realize just how grateful you are for this life of yours, the ups, the downs, the easy parts, the hard parts, the ugly parts...all of it. Without the dark, we don't know the light. Without the bad, we don't know good. Without sadness, we know no joy. Everything plays a balance in our lives, even if sometimes it seems like it's nothing but bad news pouring down on us. At some point, the rain will stop, and the rainbow will come out. One of my favorite sayings is "So far, you've made it through 100% of your worst days. Don't give up". I know for myself, there is always a silver lining somewhere, or a blessing that came out from the pain. My life is very full of love, regardless of if the people I love are with me physically, or in a different state, or in a different country, or in a different realm. Love never fades. I am grateful for so many things, and I always appreciate a holiday that gives us a reason to stop, and remember to be thankful for all the good things that we have. #4-It's a gathering of the people you love. Journey says the reason she loves Christmas so much is NOT because of presents (Ryan agrees, which is fantastic to us. They're great kids!), but because it's about the spirit of giving, and it's about being together with the people you love. That's what Christmas means to her and Ryan. It was never about the presents. There could be nothing but the traditional calendar and a new pair of pajamas, and they would be just fine. The thing that means the most to them is being with us, being home and spending their days off with all of us together. That's what I love most too-being together with the ones I love. That's what November and December's holidays hold for us.

Ryan has 3 concerts in less than a week from each other. It's insanity. He has the All County Honor band high school concert on Wednesday, and then on Sunday, he has his SMYOC orchestra concert, and then on Monday he has his school Fall concert. He's both band and chorale in that. This kid is BUSY. We just finished getting his clarinet back from repair and tune ups, and it sounds as good as the day it was purchased. I know that it's necessary to take the instruments in to get tuned up, so I'm glad I just said go for it when the repair shop asked for my opinion. It was worth it. He has his Tri-County audition on December 1st, which is what I've been looking towards since the year was starting. The last time Tri-County was held was when Ryan was in 7th grade, and he was the ONLY 7th grader in the entire school to make it. This year, as a sophomore in high school, I'm hoping that he can make it again. What an amazing band career that would be for him!! A huge accomplishment! This year in All County, there were 5 clarinet chairs. Last year, Ryan was chair 4. This year, Ryan is chair 2. I am so proud. He's taking his skills and playing to higher levels, and it makes me so happy to know that he loves playing. Him talking me into letting him start band was one of the best decisions we've ever made. Don's aunt will be flying in on Sunday morning, so we'll all be attending Ryan's orchestra concert together, and then she'll be with us to attend his high school Fall concert as well. So happy she'll be seeing these both!

First quarter for school was rough on both the kids. Trying to get adjusted to a new year and new teachers can be difficult, but they're doing well so far. Second quarter is looking more promising than the first did, which is good. Effort is what matters most to me.

Other than that, not much else going on. I got in all the Girl Scout cookie materials that I need to pass out to everyone this year to get them started. I'll be making those packets the weekend of Thanksgiving, with some aid from Ryan (he's always been my packing buddy! Don is always the initial delivery helper with all of us SUCM's, SUCBC's and ACMs. Journey's the face of the operation, and gets people to buy!) Cookie time is always a family affair, and I'm very grateful for it!



October 25, 2018 at 1:07pm
October 25, 2018 at 1:07pm
#944172
Last night, we were driving home from a nutrition class that I'm required to take for my weight loss surgery. To me, the drive is beautiful, very scenic, and I love it. Last night was also the first time we went to the class at night. We usually take it in the mornings, but Don wasn't able to get off that morning to go, so we took the evening class instead.

As we drove home, the moon took center stage in the sky. Almost full and shining so bright, it was a beautiful sight to behold. Both Journey (who came on the trip with us) and I were in awe, and continued to express our love for the navy heavens and the golden moon hanging within them.

I remember very clearly that when I was small, my grandma was in love with the moon as well. She would look out the back porch every night that we would be there visiting at her house, and stare with awe and love. I remember when I was little that I felt the same way as well, and still do to this day. The moon is beautiful to me, and intrigues me. It's one of my most favorite things in the sky, and I'm always on the lookout for it when we're out in the evenings. It seems that Journey, being my mini me, has also had that coded in her genes as well.

I'm not sure why the three of us have such a deep affinity for the moon. We marvel at it when we can see it in the sky during the day, and swoon at it when it's bright and visible in the skies at night. The nights when it's a new moon, and it's not there for us to see, we long for it to come back and visit. The moon has always been my most favorite part of outer space, and it seems that I'm not the only one in my family that feels that way. I honestly believe though that it skipped the generation of my dad (whose mother is the grandma that loved it so), and headed straight to me, and then my daughter.

One of my most favorite patterns are the celestial skies. My kitchen and my bathroom are decorated in celestial things. I have moons, stars and suns hanging from all surfaces, and I adore it. I'm not sure that Journey is into that type of thing, and I'm pretty sure my grandma wasn't, but I am, and I have no shame in it. When I required a new shower curtain, and a new bath mat, I made sure to try and find a celestial one. To me, it's not necessarily about keeping the theme, it's more about adding to my collection really! I have other random pieces of it within the house...bedding, throw pillows, blankets, socks, wind chimes, etc. It's just something that's very beautiful and peaceful to me. I've always been very attached to nature, so this is just one thing that makes me feel more connected.

I love the fact that Journey loves the moon much the same way as I do. We love to gawk at it when we're out and just feel this completeness with it. It's a beautiful orb that brings us peace and comfort, and I love that we can share it together.

October 11, 2018 at 7:03pm
October 11, 2018 at 7:03pm
#943232
Strangely, today was a day that just flew by. Every other day just seems to drag, even if I've spent time doing other things. Time usually does this weird dance, where some days feel like a month, and some months feel like an hour. Sometimes it's warp speed, other times it's a tortoise's pace.

Fundraising for both kids at one time is hard. We're trying to help Ryan earn some money for his account through AVPA, so he can put some money down towards things he needs, while at the same time doing our regular fall fundraiser through Girl Scouts for Journey so she can get some money to go towards her Silver Award project that she's been working on. Every little bit would help them both, but no one seems up for buying, which I find strange, as last year, everyone was willing to buy whatever they needed to help her. This year, not so much. Not sure why, but it is what it is. People go through financial hardships when they do, and mine is not to question why. We do too, so I have no room to talk about what other people can or can't afford. Whatever she gets is what she gets, and there's really nothing else we can do. Same for Ryan honestly.

Speaking of Ryan, he's got band coming out of his ears right now. He's applied for All County, he's currently in the middle of doing stuff for his school band concert set for next month, he's also currently working on SMYOC stuff for a concert next month as well, and now he has Tri-County materials so he can practice and audition for that. The hard part is, his clarinet has a broken rod, so we're going to have to take it in to get fixed. The good news is though, a friend lent their back up clarinet to him, which he's been using for the last couple of weeks, since he hasn't been able to get the clarinet fixed. At first, his teacher said it was just a pad issue, and she was going to try and fix it herself, but then she realized his rod was broken, so she gave it back for us to take into a repair shop, That's some more money that goes out of the Christmas fund, BUT, this one is necessary. He can't keep on using someone's spare until tax time, he needs it fixed as soon as possible. I'm going to attempt to do all that I can to get that done.

I myself am doing okay. There's some turmoil I'm going through, but I'll figure it out. Just some random things here and there. I'm worried I've gained weight again, so I won't really find out until we go to my next nutrition class on Wednesday. I try to make it a point to not step on a scale unless I'm either at a nutrition class or the doctor's office. Otherwise, I'll sit there obsessing over a number for ages, and I don't want to do that. Counting every ounce is just a way to send myself into a spiral, and I don't need that right now. The fact that I've actually lost weight is something astounding to me-the problem is, I just don't know how long I can keep it off without it coming back. I've been going to the gym with my friend to work out more, and start some strength training, which is highly suggested after the surgery, so I'm trying to get a jump start on it now, but I feel like I'm only gaining more weight even when I'm working out. I'm not sure what to do at this point. I guess we'll see and figure it out from there.

School is going okay for the kids-as they get higher in school, the harder it is for them. 7th grade is proving to be a little more difficult than 6th grade was for Journey-I know she had a lot more support last year, and now she has a different caseworker, and different aides, so I don't really get to hear what's going on much. I hear from her teachers sometimes that she's having troubles, so we're trying some techniques to try and get her through. I'd really rather not up her dosage of medicine that she's currently on, even though it seems to wear off faster, and she seems to lose focus even easier than before. I never got medicine when I was a kid (I wasn't actually fully diagnosed with ADD until I was 30), so I had to learn a lot of coping mechanisms as a child to try and keep my focus and find a way through things. I'm hoping to hand off some of those skills to her as well. We shall see. 10th grade is proving more challenging than 9th grade was for Ryan, as his 3 most challenging classes (which one is pre-AP and the other two are AP) are giving him some fits. It's not without its merit though-he's trying to skate by on intelligence alone, and I've told him that's not going to get him very far through life. He needs to put in the work and study, and turn things in. He's a procrastinator, so it makes things harder, but we're trying to break him of that. I've tried so hard to steer him on the path, but there's only so much I can do. This is on him now, not on me. It's his decision to go for it or not; I can't take the blame if he does or doesn't anymore.That pretty much goes for anyone or anything (cats included) that has free will. I can only suggest and try to help-from that point on, the ball is in their court. I have to thank potty training for breaking me of my control freak habit..who knew?

Other than that, not much else going on I suppose. Or, lots of random little things going on that honestly don't make up much to talk about I suppose. (What's with this "I suppose" deal anyway? I need a new phrase...). We all just finished getting over a seasonal cold, which is good, because now we're all able to get our flu shots. Best to get them before flu season starts flying in; heaven knows the flu is nothing to mess with.



October 2, 2018 at 12:05pm
October 2, 2018 at 12:05pm
#942451
It's not usually like me to come on here, bitching about finances, but here we are. It's strange, because we used to be able to do so much more when the kids were littler, and Don was making much less. Now he makes more, and we can only do so many things. We're currently on financial aid for AVPA, SMYOC, Girl Scouts...and yet, we still have no extra available funds. I usually buy popcorn from my "nephew" who's a Cub Scout. This year, I can't even do that, and that bums me out. Usually, I can buy all kinds of things from Journey's Fall Product sale-this year, I can't seem to be able string enough money together from paychecks to do so. That REALLY bums me out. No Christmas presents have been bought, even though the kids have asked for very little this year (they're good like that-they understand our financial strain, and realize they may have to wait to get some of the things they asked for for Christmas. They're good kids that way), and at this point, I'm just banging my head. Rent is going to go up quite a bit these next few months. Not sure what to do about that, except suck it up and pay it. Gotta have a place to live, that's most important, right? *Sigh.* Sometimes I wish life wasn't so dependent on finances. We tend to lack what's asked for most, especially from their schools and activities.

So far, things are going okay. School started off without a hitch for both kids, even though some grades are something to be desired. I don't usually harp on Journey, only because she has a strong work ethic, and she'll bust her tail trying to get the best grades she can. She tries to do all her work on time, and do what she can, and I can't get mad at attempting to do your very best. That's really all I ask of them. Ryan on the other hand...that kid needs to learn some serious time management skills, organization, and drop the procrastination factor quick. College is NOT going to be easy for him if he keeps this up. I know he can pull A's and B's, but for some reason he's turning in late work, or doing poorly on tests and assignments, not finishing things, or completely missing things...it's not that he doesn't have the time to complete these things, and it's not like he doesn't know or understand what's being asked of him, it's more that he has a lazy attitude, and it's very enraging. First marking period interims are happening this Friday, and so far, he has two bad grades in his harder classes. I know he's capable of better, but I don't know how to motivate him to care enough to fix it, other than ban him from electronics and such. He even procrastinated when the internet was out! I dunno what to do with this kid sometimes. It's frustrating to say the least.

As far as health-wise things go, we're all just getting over a seasonal cold. Actually, Journey's the one that brought it in the house, and then I caught it, was out for a week, finally starting to rebound, and Don and Ryan caught it at the same time as I'm finishing it. Nothing says family bonding quite like sharing germs I guess. I can't wait for the weather to cool down so we can open the windows up and air out this germy house. That would be fantastic. Because of this round of illness, Journey has been the only one to get her flu shot so far. I'm going in this weekend to get mine, and I'm going to have to reschedule Ryan's, which was for Thursday, but since he's sick, he can't get it now. Don was supposed to get his at work today, but again, because he's sick, he has to skip it. It's not too big of a problem, as we can go to pretty much any pharmacy and get one for free, but it's more that we have to wait until we're not sick anymore. Who knows how long it's going to be for the two of them. I always tell the kids and Don, the fastest way to get over any illness is to #1-wash your hands CONSTANTLY with warm water and soap. #2-Get rid of/wash off everything you touch that's germy, including paper towels, tissues, disposable cups, or washing clothes, towels, dishes and utensils, etc. to make sure you get rid of all that germy mess before it spreads again. #3-Drink COPIOUS amounts of water. Nothing will clean your system out faster than water, not soda, not milk, not lemonade, not coffee. Maybe hot tea, but that's it. Keeping hydrated is extremely important while ill. #4-Try to get as much rest as possible. When you're resting, your body is able to work harder to try and fight and get rid of the illness. Being awake and doing things tends to strain your system, and your body works overtime to try and get rid of the illness as well as trying to keep you moving and going all day. Rest is very beneficial. #5-ALWAYS take your medicine. Medicine helps you get over everything faster. If you don't take it, you're probably going to end up having this illness even longer. Take as necessary. Because I do these five things when I'm sick, I tend to get over illnesses quicker than most of the household. Because I'm diabetic, my immune system is compromised, but yet I'm the one that rarely gets sick, and bounces back quicker. I know that Don and the kids can't help but be awake most of the day, and the chances of getting copious amounts of liquid and washing their hands is harder in school and at work than it is here for me at home, but if they do all that when they have the time and try to take advantage of the advice, they'll feel better sooner.

On another subject, Journey has decided that school dances are no longer for her. What's made her change her mind, I'm not sure. She's been very secretive and quiet about certain things lately. She also doesn't seem to share her opinion of things much. I'm starting to think her self confidence is starting to wear down. Not sure why. Maybe this whole puberty thing is catching up with her. I hate to see her go through this, being so unsure of herself, and worried about what others might think. I miss the girl from last year that didn't care what others thought, and marched to the beat of her own drum. I feel like middle school is starting to rob her of this, and I hate that, in both thought and fact. I was really hoping she'd carry it all through middle school into high school, but I guess that's not going to be the case, and that makes me sad. I still see it sometimes...but not nearly as much anymore. She's also starting to get somewhat of an attitude on her. I'll remind her of things, and she'll snap back "I KNOW Mama." Yikes! Told her it's not polite to snap at me for no reason, and she wouldn't like it if someone answered her that way. Teenage years coming a year early I guess. Ugh. Don't get me wrong, they're still EXCELLENT kids in comparison to others their age, but getting a taste of attitude, rolled eyes, snapping back, grouchy greetings, being told "I KNOW!" all the time, etc. kinda gets old. I know they're just flexing their independent skills, but at the same time, I don't need defiance thrown my way when I ask them to do something or remind them to do something. Teenagers are teenagers after all I guess. Journey's always been an early developer; I guess thirteen year old snark can come at a twelve year old level. Grrrrr.

Other than that, not much else going on. Hoping Fall weather actually makes it's way here soon. I'd love to stop seeing 80 degree days any time now. I'd welcome being able to wear long sleeve shirts/ three quarters sleeves. That would be fantastic. October looks like it's going to be a busy month. I'll try to come back and keep updating.



September 19, 2018 at 2:59pm
September 19, 2018 at 2:59pm
#941692
It's almost been a month since I've written in here. Let's let that sink in for a bit, shall we?

I know I should be writing in here more. I'm wasting time and blog space and my membership, blah blah blah. I'm considering taking my show elsewhere, due to the fact that I've only got so much more space to create with, and then I would have to up my membership to afford more room that I would require, and I just don't have that kind of money. Ever. I would hate to take the blogs off here, but at this time, all I really do is write in here, I can't do much else, I don't really have time to review people, and I know that's a huge thing here. It's quite the undertaking itself, and unfortunately, I just don't have the time.

Speaking of time...life is speeding by once again. 11 days until October comes, and then what? Just flying by. August and September are slipping away, and I just don't have a lot of time to breathe. This year, I'm actually getting the hang of it though. It doesn't feel as strange or disconcerting as it did last year. The hard part about getting into the swing of things though is you don't really notice how fast time is flying by, and the next thing you know, it's the holidays. I'm ready to cry, because once again, all the extras that Ryan participates in require up front fees, and it leaves me with very little money to work with for Christmas. I have all these great ideas of what to buy, but I feel like I'm never going to be able to do it. His teachers want him to go on a big spring trip this year, but it's just not feasible for us to pay it. I know they really want him to go, but there's no payment plan at this time that I can afford to get him there. There's just not. Doesn't even matter if they ask for $25 a month-we just don't have it. I have groceries to buy, and gas to buy, a car payment to make, rent to pay, bills like utilities, phone, internet, car insurance, etc. I'd love to get the kids some Christmas gifts, but if it's not in the works, I dunno what else to do. I feel bad, but...so many fees, and so many bills, and so much everything, and so little money to do it with. It is what it is I suppose.

I think this year we may be more on schedule with the Girl Scout meetings and such. We have gone in with a plan, and I'm hoping that it will work. At least this year we're not working on a journey again, which took up a lot of our time, and ran out of time actually. I dunno if the girls have put in the letters to their principals that I wrote, but I guess the fact that we put our Take Action Projects into the county libraries already means we may not have to after all. Not sure though. I'll think about it. I scheduled a camping trip at our closest GS camp this December, so that we can work on putting our cookie rally together for the service unit. I hope that's enough time, and I hope we figure out what to do. I'm excited to see what the girls come up with actually.

Journey and Grace are diligently working on their Silver Award project. Right now, we need to find time where the girls can get together to make prototypes of their fidgets, so they have something to take to the meeting when they go see the school staff to get them to agree to let them bring them into the school. I'm excited to see where this goes, and I hope that the girls can finish it before the year ends. That would be fabulous.

School is going well for both kids right now. I'm quite pleased. I know it's only the start of the year, but still, the efforts they're putting in so far is wonderful. Glad to see them working so hard.



August 23, 2018 at 10:33am
August 23, 2018 at 10:33am
#940232
The reason I started this blog in the first place, the reason I'm still here blogging to this day, is 12 years old today. My sweet Journey's birthday is today, and I couldn't be more proud of the young lady she's becoming every day. She's so amazing to me, and I just cannot get enough of being around her. She is my heart, and the light of my life. We are so closely bonded, it's so amazingly beautiful. I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would have a daughter and we would be so very close and love each other so much. She means so much to me.

Lots of things have been going on this past...over a month I guess it's been? Journey went to Girl Scout sleep away camp again this year, and had a great time. She usually does! She was so happy to see me though when I came to pick her up, she had tears in her eyes. I missed her a lot, truthfully, more this time than I have in previous years of her doing it, but we trekked through, and she had an excellent time. That's the reason I keep sending her: she loves it, she makes friends and has a good time, and it gets her outside and doing fun things. I'm so glad she's able to go. It means a lot to both of us.

We finished our Girl Scout journey finally, and we started placing our Take Action Project around the community. We placed a large sheet that had tear away strips of paper with kind messages on them and around 35 homemade bookmarks to give to the local county libraries. The one in the northern part of the county seemed much more enthusiastic about our project than the central and south did. The northern one sent us pictures that they took of us placing the project, and one of their librarians-the other two did not. It kind of upset me, but there's really nothing I can do about it. At least they were placed-at least, I hope in the most southern one, they were. We dropped them off to the branch manager, but I don't know if she put them up or not. My service unit manager said she was in the central library, and she found our tear away sheet posted on the wall, so that's good at least. I don't know where they put the bookmarks though. They were supposed to keep everything together, but it is what it is at this point. All we could do was create it, ask permission to place it, and give them the project parts. It's up to them to place it and where they put it.

School will be starting here in a couple of weeks. They go back on September 4th, which is the day after Labor Day here. I need to spend next week getting them used to going back to bed at 9 pm, and waking up at 6 am. I hope Journey can adjust.

I am currently on the road to starting my weight loss surgery journey. I've already attended a nutrition class, and have had my first consult with the doctor. I need to have all my specialists send my charts and info to the hospital so we're covered for that. Many of the tests they're asking me to take, I already have. I'm already that much farther along, which is great. If everything goes well, I'll be getting the surgery done in March. I'm looking forward to it, because I would love to get off all the medication that I'm currently on. One of the hardest parts was getting off one of my psych meds, but after 3 days of having issues, it finally wore off, and I'm much better for it.



192 Entries · *Magnify*
Page of 20 · 10 per page   < >
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next

© Copyright 2019 Just Jamie (UN: jourie at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
Just Jamie has granted Writing.Com, its affiliates and its syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work.

Log in to Leave Feedback
Username:
Password: <Show>
Not a Member?
Signup right now, for free!
All accounts include:
*Bullet* FREE Email @Writing.Com!
*Bullet* FREE Portfolio Services!
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/books.php/item_id/1993809-Its-all-about-the-Journey