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Tarot is a map of the psychological and spiritual journey through life. Let's explore! |
| Tarot is a phenomenal tool of self development and growth. Within the generally innocuous pictures is the story of every person who has ever lived. Join me as I learn the story of the cards - the story of my life, and yours - and explore the cards' value as a tool of growth. Join me as I seek and discover a truth I am only beginning to glimpse... |
| Well this is interesting... It has been 9 years since I have spent a great deal of time on the site. In that time, I have advanced in my education and career. My kids are growing, although not fully grown. It is refreshing to see these old blog posts, although truthfully, as I read them, I recognize that I can get far too serious! Some things don't change. I have never felt that I had the time that I wanted, to be a stay at home mom. However I am coming to terms with the fact that I made those choices in the best interests of my family. I still read Tarot, and do my best to learn from it. I continue to study the Tree of Life. I have become exponentially more conservative in views and politics (or perhaps, the world has become too liberal for me!) I had a "dark night of the soul" in the last year, as I looked around me and recognized the extreme level of intolerance demonstrated by people who see themselves as loving, as caring, and tolerant. It almost broke me. The vilification of those who chose not to vaccinate against COVID - that almost broke me. But it didn't. I continue to face each day head-on. I continue to experience an awakening and continue to struggle to integrate the things I am learning. I understand, now more than ever, that we, as a population, are so often in a dreamworld. We create our reality without ever really recognizing it! Now that I see the threads, I am trying to understand how to move beyond that, and create what I want for myself. If you have ever tried this feat, you will know - as I now do - that it is actually an incredibly difficult thing, to make a choice. Making a choice on one hand, means leaving other choices on the table. When there is an infinite number of options, it makes it hard to make a choice. Two options is better in so many ways! Next blog will be Tarot, againl Hopefully in a more lighthearted, easy-read, and consistent manner! |
| The next card I pulled on my Tarot journey was the five of cups. In this card, a woman looks toward the viewer, clothed in royal robe, with blue pomegranates decorating her train. Three cups lay on the ground, and two remain upright. The woman stands at the top of the valley with a beautiful lake below her, a swan gliding in the smooth grey waters. A castle sits in a valley amidst rolling stone hilltops on the other side of the lake, far below and behind her. I decided to seek a spot beside water, and chose to sit by the river at our local park. I walked along the riverbank until I found a relatively calm space in the river. Finding a comfortable place to sit in the grass, I dangled my legs over the steep rise of land perched above the rushing river. The water level is obviously higher than I remember it as a child; I used to try and catch crabs on the sandbank which used to sit below my feet. I used to run around, and sit atop, the mammoth boulder which is now only peeking above the river 100 feet from me. The five of cups is an interesting card. It speaks of loss and regret in an emotional, as opposed to a financial, sense. The picture is sad and regretful because hopes and dreams have been broken – life does not always turn out as planned. Cups lay fallen, scattered, at the querent’s feet... but there are still two standing, and the two standing cups speak of hope rising out of the ashes. It has been a long time since I have been a little girl running in the park. The journey has been a long one and I have had my share of pain. I learned a lot of lessons which did not seem great at the time, but which eventually helped me to consider the world with a greater understanding of the struggles in it. Life is not easy, not controllable, and not a fairy tale. Change happens, hurt happens, death happens. As Buddhists maintain, "life is suffering". Yet, a beautiful thing happens when we stop struggling against it and accept these truths. In the moment between breaths, we have an opportunity to appreciate life in a way that is not possible when life is taken for granted. When I have been able to live in the moment, to accept things as they are and not as I want them to be, I have had the opportunity to experience a peace and joy I have had at no other time. Many years ago, I had an ectopic pregnancy, which is where the egg grows inside the Fallopian tube. When the egg gets big enough, the egg can rupture the tube, which can lead to death. I was unaware I was pregnant, and this nearly happened to me. I ended up in the ER in severe pain. Afterwards, I heard that this experience has been likened to childbirth. I maintain that it was much worse. I lay on the ER table barely able to breathe for what seemed like hours, waiting for a surgeon to be called in. I was completely consumed by my pain, or more to the point, struggling to escape the pain. I struggled for so long that I finally gave up the fight, and just accepted it. As strange as it is to say now, the next time a spasm came on, I tried to immerse myself in it - I explored how each fibre if my body was feeling, and when I found pain, I allowed myself to be present in it. I learned something that has always stuck with me. When I accepted the pain and was present within it, the experience was not so bad. In fact, I stopped even labelling it as pain. It had been the running - the attempted escape - that made the experience so excruciating. I am forever grateful for life lessons such as these - although I would not want them repeated! It was not bravery that made me face my physical pain but a lack of options - yet I learned in that moment the importance of acceptance and mindfulness when facing pain inherent in life. The acceptance has helped me confront much difficulty in my life, and I learned that emotional pain is really not much different in this regard than physical. When we are brave enough to face the pain that is an inevitable part of life, we find that it is not as bad as we feared. When we sit in the present, spilled cups and all, we have the opportunity to get past the pain and move forward. Like the castle that is the woman's home in the five of cups, the woman looks back toward home. But we can't ways go back, and even if we did, things would be different. The world does not wait for us, and too often, regret and sadness arise from our attachment to our past. The key to making it through that pain is acceptance of the present, because often, not all the "cups", our hopes, dreams, and wishes, have been spilled. With a last, backward glance, we can survey ourselves and our surroundings, and move forward with hope for the future and a peace that only comes when we accept our present. |
| note: this entry of the tarot journey is a continuing reflection of the first card drawn in the last blog...hope you enjoy! I began a Tarot Journey activity and, with the first card I drew, I was reminded of the nature of journeys - so often, they are personal quests that may look consciously driven, however all quests are influenced at their very core by the values we hold. Travelling to a local church, I had a chance to reflect on my own journey - my journeys - as quests. What quests are these? My primary quest was to see worldly ideals such as peace and equality, accomplished. I highly valued the acceptance of others because of my values of the need for loving kindness. I felt that every person deserved positive regard - that this was the true nature of equality - and that peace could not be found without it. I chose my friends, my career, and my life based on this quest. I wanted to connect on a deep level with others who were nonjudgmental, tolerant, and kind; the kind of person I hoped to become. I tried to be respectful to everyone, and as I grew to a teenager, I would become angry with those I viewed as rich and I perceived as intolerant and judgmental, the people who refused to help the poor person living on the street corner just down from them. My 'quest' led me to the decision to work in mental health, and to feel obligated to spend time volunteering, as I had time, and not money, to give to the cause. I did not want to be a person who wished for a better world but did nothing toward it. As I got older, my ideals matured. I had the opportunity to work with many of these "rich" people I had no respect for, and my eyes were opened to what giving, loving, and kind people many of them were. I worked with people who knew the meaning of "tireless giving" much better than I, and I saw my contributions as truly meager compared to them. I had the privilege of working in government shortly after graduating, and was constantly awed by the civil servant's dedication to their work and commitment to making a difference. I looked around me and really saw the consequence of the church - although there was, and still is, much deserved criticism toward the church, I looked with new eyes at the phenomenal amount of work that was accomplished on the backs of these members, these volunteers. I was inspired by the dedication, commitment, and vision, which was acted out tirelessly each day. I learned that it was not these “rich” people who needed to be less judgemental, it was me. I learned about dedication and commitment, and in my life now, I am on a quest to learn how to move forward with some of the integrity, determination, and strength I saw in the giants around me. I have felt privileged to have had these volunteers touch my life. Sitting in front of the church, I began to have a sense of how much I have grown, and how much I have yet to grow, on my personal quest. I pulled my next card, excited to see where the day's journey would take me. |
| As you may remember from my last blog, I have begun a Tarot challenge as described on tarotprofessionals.com. Challenge number two was to take a physical journey, reflecting throughout on the life journey which has been created to this particular moment in time. Before beginning the day's journey, I sat in my kitchen chair and considered my personal journey, which has helped me get to this point in my life. Wikipedia tells me there are approximately two billion, three hundred million seconds in the average human lifespan. It's amazing that our lives literally happen within the span of those seconds. The moments...the seconds... that have touched our lives, have created them. At any given moment in my journey, a different decision could have been made, a different event could have happened, and I would have been changed by it. Conversely, every event needed to turn out just as it did, to be the person I see when I look in the mirror, wobbly bits and all! Two billion seconds. Some over, some not yet created. Each one a part of the journey. I pulled my card, and drew the Ace of Swords. In this particular deck, the ace shows a picture of roses climbing a sword which is seated, hilt up, in a large grey boulder. The sword itself looks like it is made from glass, strong yet fragile, the hilt topped by a golden crown. A woman in a purple dress reaches out toward the sword, My initial thought was that the card reflected quests - the crown sitting on the hilt of the sword in the stone reminded me, of course, of the legend of King Arthur and his knights. King Aurthur was said to be brave and wise, creating a round table representing equality among peers. The idea was striking because it reminded me that all quests - even "sword" quests that represent the conscious mind, intellect, and judgement - all quests begin in our hearts, touching not only our heart's desires, but also effecting the way we approach our quest, our journey. Values, mores, and ideals all play a role in the way we begin, and the way we go on, in life's journey. Our passions fuel our quest just as the roses climb the sword, journeying toward the crown. Both roses and sword, however, have sharp edges. Quests are beautiful and dangerous things, and our considering consciousness, when paired with our ideals, can create for us a holy grail or an eternal hell. Thinking about my own quests led me to find a quiet spot outside the church I attended as a girl. To me, the church is a concrete outer symbol of an individual's values, attitudes, and beliefs. As a girl, church taught that I was not alone in this world. I learned that equality, forgiveness, and compassion are central to a good life. A dove was engraved and painted into the main arches of this church, and I remember staring at the bird which seemed to be diving from the heavens. That dove was incredibly symbolic for me as a child, apparently made impressionable by the release of doves when the Berlin Wall came down in 1989. That event was monumental, even as a child half a world away, and the releasing of the doves symbolized the potential for peace, harmony, and by extension, a respect for human diversity. The church was the beginning of my journey. Quests.We decide what it is we will pursue in our lives, which quests we will accept and which we will ignore. Yet our minds do not own the initial impulse toward them, or often, the manner in which we pursue our dreams. As thoughtful, intellectual, and conscious as they may be, our journeys always begin in our hearts. Tomorrow I will post part 2 of my Journey adventure - please join me! |
| When browsing online in one of my favourite spaces, www.tarotprofessionals.com, I came across a five day "Shaman's Challenge" where one can connect with their animal spirit guides in a five day process. The exercise seemed interesting and active, just what I was looking for. I was in. Tarot is a uniquely fascinating study. Within the 78 card deck are pictures and symbols which can be used to unlock the past, recognize the present, and discern the future. I could describe myself as a student of psychology; when I came to Tarot, it was with a cautious interest. What I found was that the symbolism which lied within the cards made sense when considering Jung's theory of the collective unconscious. Joseph Campbell wrote about the "Hero's Journey", which is essentially the journey we all go through in our life. I found the Tarot to be a pictorial representation of this journey. Tarot was deceivingly simple and deceptively complicated. I have found that Tarot is a lifetime study, and simultaneously the perfect study aid for a variety of subjects. On this particular day, I lay in bed contemplating the three cards picked for tomorrow's Shaman journey. The challenge was to face my fears. The first card picked, representing those fears, was the four of hearts. The picture shows a boy, with a crown a this feet, on his knees, reaching toward a girl who leans away from him. Initially, I recognized the pursuit of young love, which is often elusive. After considering the symbolism of the Rider-Waite set, which I was not using but am very familiar with, I recognized that the card may somehow be related to my focus on a single objective, to being self-absorbed, to not seeing what is in front of me. I could not understand how that would relate to fear, but I decided to move on. The second card was intended to represent "what I should do about it". The six of wands was reversed, and the picture of the fairies in war attire sitting on their scarabs (horses) with lances drawn, looked like they were about to fall - the ground was no longer underfoot. The answer in this card seemed clear - stop fighting. The third card, the eight of wands, signified travel, progress...moving on. The card was intended to represent the reward - what will happen if the fear is faced. It was an interesting draw. While I was still unsure what I was afraid of in this context, I knew it had to do with my internal struggle and self absorption. I decided to make "stop fighting" the mantra for the next day. I worked to remain pleasant, passive, and open throughout the day. When I felt myself start to get frustrated with my husband and the things he did not do, I took a deep breath, allowed the thought to pass, and reminded myself not to fight the situation. When in session with a client and noticing resistance, I worked to roll with it rather than confront it. At every moment, I worked to remain receptive to opportunities not to fight, and by mid-morning, I had the answer to the cards. I have been struggling with burnout and exploring alternative employment opportunities, waiting for a 3 to 4 day per week job to come up. The job has not come, and while there have been other full time opportunities, I have been hesitant to explore them because I truly love my work and can't help but think that if I can just find the"magic key" - better organization, a streamlined schedule, more administrative support, SOMETHING... then I could remain where I am. I had it set in my mind that I would stick it out no matter what, until the elusive part time job came around. But there is no part time job, and right this moment there is an alternative full time job that would be much easier in terms of workload and my professional skill set. "Stop Fighting". The mantra whirled around in my head while I considered the possibility. Stop fighting to learn all the new skills I need in this job. Stop fighting to conquer a job that is so incredibly taxing. Stop fighting to excel in a position where the workload is double what it should be. Accept what is there - a position that perfectly fits my skill set, with a diversity of practice that I enjoy, and that is reasonable in terms of workload. Yes, it is full time. Yet, sometimes, you have to move out of the world of your own ideals to see the crown that is at your feet. Reflecting on these cards again, the answer to the first card seems clearer. What am I afraid of? Inadequacy. Failure. I believe in working hard for what you want, and there is a sense of failure when things do not turn out the way you expect them to. I needed to stop fighting, stop working so hard, and accept the gifts which life offers but too often are disregarded. So, dear readers, please feel free to share...what is your experience with Tarot? And have you ever found yourself in a similar position, where you had to stop fighting...to move on? |
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