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A random collection of thoughts by a strange character |
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Let the random weird rambling begin! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Something has possessed me. Something..has made me think it's a good idea to not only study again for the first time in 6 years, but to also get my literal ass into literal shape, and oh yes, don't forget that book that I'm apparently trying to write. But this entry on my blog on this writing site is not about writing my book, although I suppose it is about writing of another sort. I'm study Theology, you see, and like the average person studying correspondence I keep promising to keep up with the course material and finish my assignments on time, and then break the promise by letting those damn assignments go all ninja on me. This then leads to 3 weeks worth of non stop writing in a mode of utter panic and doubt that I will ever finish them on time. But this last time was worse. Because I wasn't just a little behind in covering the material, I was way behind. 4 chapters behind on one of the subjects to be exact. Which meant I wasn't just getting annoyed with word counts and incessant in-line referencing, I was also doing the fastest speed reading of my life and dissecting the bits I needed to be able to answer the questions. This last time, though, being the worst, was also the most illuminating. Because as I was sitting in front of this computer screen and keyboard the evening before the final accepted post date with 300 words to go on a 4500 word assignment, with 3 weeks of 5-hours-sleep-a-night and daily overtime at work behind me, I made a realisation. I could have stopped right there and still had an alright chance of passing the assignment. I could have just said 'stuff it all' and printed it and posted it with 2 questions left out. But I didn't. You see, the further you go along a journey, the more pointless it seems to go back or give up. I had obviously gone past the point of no return. That Sunday night was the longest night I can actually remember. And those 300 words seemed to take an eternity. But they also taught me something I will remember for eternity. That it is only pushing ourselves to the edge, and over, that we actually realise that we can go further. It is only when our normal selves cave in that the superior self comes to take over the task at hand. Not the mediocre self that is content with maximum gain for minimum effort, but the greater self that laughs at hardship and disregards it with a 'pff, whatever. Is that all you've got?' I'm carrying that lesson into the ass shaping side of my life and it seems to be working in that area, who would have thought? Now just to get that damn book written. |
| I am the archetypal 'Jack of all trades and master of none'. Perhaps I think there's just too many interesting things on this planet to partake in for me to focus on anything for too long. It's why I haven't learnt to play any musical instrument with any decent proficiency, because I simply do not have the patience to practice for long enough to be any good. About two years ago I got it into my head that I wanted to write, but then another of my traits hampered me, namely my perfectionism and hence fear of possibly writing anything horrible. So for the past two years I've carried on as always, secretly writing my thoughts in my A4 black hardcover notebook and not letting anyone see it. The thing is, the urge to write hasn't subsided, like most of my other fads. I still have this itch to write. So I said 'stuff this, I have to get over myself and start sharing my writing', joined WDC and nervously posted one of my poems as a sort of feeler. Yes, I got one or two critical, and even confusing, reviews, but I have also received some positive and constructive ones. And I'm writing this because I made a discovery. I came home today distracted and conflicted about some news I received, and opened my mail out of sheer habit to find new reviews of my poem. Good and positive reviews. And it made me feel better. Which made me realise that I do really want my writing to be appreciated, and that my writing being appreciated makes me feel appreciated in a way that some of my other interests haven't. So here I am, prepping for NaNoWriMo, aiming to write a novel in a month, and not giving up on it despite intense work and other pressures at the moment. Maybe it's a sign that I'm doing something I feel in my heart of hearts is worthwhile. I really need to start reviewing other members' work on the site, and start spreading some of the joy I have received so far. Ok, now to catch up on my prep work... |
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