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Rated: 18+ · Book · Biographical · #2065153
My blog, where I blog things, it's not needed but it's necessary.
I'll write about cynical things, sarcastic things, life, writing, I don't know, simple stuff, things people won't care about but I'll write about them anyways, maybe it'll become like a journal, where I put my thoughts out there for the world to see. Boy that is a scary thought.
September 4, 2016 at 11:32pm
September 4, 2016 at 11:32pm
#891540
I want to write, I really do. I have so many ideas. I have so much passion for it. I have enough time to do it between school and work. But I am so tired. I have no drive. It is like those people who give up on their hobbies because their work is so stressful. It is much easier to just sit down and watch Netflix and not worry about writing, because sometimes it feels like more than a hobby, more like a third job. It is not because I don't love it. Like I said, I have a passion for it, it is just because I am so tired all the time. I don't have the drive to do it. I wish I had ambition. Some kind of drive, something to push me passed this threshold. On one side there is how tired I am and on the other is how badly I want to write I just need a reason to do it. A muse. If I had something to inspire, to drive me like a race horse, it would make my life so much easier. But when you are tired and you don't have an incentive to do anything more than what you already do, doing anything more is like walking that extra mile after a triathlon. There are writers who inspire me, sure. But I don't want to be like them, I don't want to write their stories and they don't push me to write, all they do is push me to read another book. This website helped for a while. People would review my work, tell me how to improve it, what they liked about it and every aspect of that helped. But after a while, you are overwhelmed by the amount of work it would take to go back and correct all of your mistakes. I just want to write, I wish I could avoid editing. Writing is my hobby, my third job would be editing. I also worry because what if what I write is never seen by anyone. I know what a selfish thing to think, I'm a writer, and it is only a hobby, I should just be doing it because I love to do it. But I am working and going to school full time. And I do write because I love it but I also have dreams. My dream is to quit my job, drop out of school and become a full time writer. To sit behind this keyboard, which I feel is like my paint brush or my chisel or my guitar and type until my fingers bleed and my eyes hurt from staring at a screen too long. I want to get carpal tunnel by the age of 25 and arthritis in my 30s from sitting down for so long. I want my eyes to continually get worse until I need the strongest prescription imaginable from staring at this screen for so long. I want to forget how to walk. I want my brain to be poured out in story after story until it is empty and then I want to fill it up again and pour some more. Like I said I have dreams. I want to weigh over six hundred pounds because all I do all day is eat, sleep and write. I don't just want to write full time, writing is all I want to do. Screw my social life. Screw kids. Screw marriage. I want to forget how to speak with my mouth and I want to only speak with these fingers. When I'm inevitably dying from either diabetes or heart disease, I want my computer and the chair I sit in to be moved with me in it to the hospital, so I can die happy, in front of a keyboard. If I could I would live to 200 just so I can put all of my ideas into stories that I love. I want to produce masterpiece after masterpiece. I want to consider everything I write to be a masterpiece because each word has a piece of myself in it that is irreplaceable. So yes I have dreams. I want to write, really I do. But I am so god damn tired.


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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/books.php/item_id/2065153-Noiry-Tretsinnals-Blog