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A blog about living life in a depressed state everyday... |
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Welcome to my life. I am a pretty ordinary person. I have a home which I am currently sharing with my daughter and her small family IE kid and boyfriend. I work the night shift at a tape factory which means when I am not at work my favorite hobby is sleeping. I am single and hardly date which means not at all. I have a cat, Harley Quinn and a dog, Moose. Though I am single I have been in a lifelong relationship with depression. There have been times when I have willed myself out of bed, and others when I could not even do that. Several years ago I lost my mother and both sisters to different forms of cancer all within a year of each other, one of them dying on Christmas Eve. This did nothing to help my depression and actually was a catalyst in picking up an old addiction that I had laid to rest for nearly two years. The beloved fight with the bottle. Not drinking near as much as I used to but drinking more than I need to. I am the head of my family because all the adults are dead. This means that the kids are running the candy store seeing that those of us who are still here have never really grown up enough to be responsible to head anything. However I am the oldest living relative so that makes me the head. Where as my Mom and sisters would handle things I just try to keep everybody calm and out of jail. For the most part we all do our own thing but we still rely on each other emotionally, that makes us close. I have never been married because I believe men cannot handle my mood swings, well the ones I have known anyway. Yes, I have had my share of relationships, one dysfunctional relationship right after the other. The last one lasted a little over 6 years. It was inevitable it would end for he was just as crazy as me. As I mentioned before I have a child, a daughter who I believe is just as depressed as I am. I say that because she acts exactly like me. She can also be quite the moody little dickens. She and her boyfriend live here with me along with her little girl. Her boyfriend is a good guy. He has a twin brother and both of them have aspirations of being actors. You can scoff and laugh but for living in a little Podunk town like this they have managed to get acting gigs. Yes they are extras but they are getting bigger parts all the time. Cannot go in to any details about their last endeavor, but the casting director asked them to come and film a few days. I know it's not a big part but it is a speaking part and it is something. Like I said, very impressive considering where we live which is right in the middle of anywhere America. I have four nieces and two nephews who will make appearances from time to time in this blog. Unlike most cousins and aunties we all grew up together, because my parents had me late in life when my two sisters were half grown, I am a year and a half older than my oldest niece. This was something I used to hold over her head with great pride when we were younger. I find myself nowadays not mentioning it so much seeing as how I keep getting closer and closer to fifty. My oldest niece and middle niece live here where I do. My other two nieces live in Florida. They are my oldest sister, Janey's kids. I also have two n'er do well nephews who live in Tennessee. They are the sons of middle sister Dana. I don't see them as much as I like but they both live lives of such turmoil, chaos, and drama I find the less I know about what is going on the better. Each of my nieces and nephews have children. They range in ages from 29-7. Some of their children have children making me and 3 of my nieces grandmothers. So why do I feel the need to make this blog. I don't know except that writing has always been cathartic for me. It is a way to let off steam and express myself. A means by which I calm down. My biggest problem with writing is trying to figure out how to wrap something up so I can move on to the next idea. So here it is. My blog, Depressed. |
| The fourth day of the year! What am I doing? Laundry yippee! Not a whole lot going on except the rain, which made sleeping this afternoon pretty nice. Yes I sleep most of the day even when I am off. I work a 12 hour night shift but have had the last 7 days off. I actually have to go back tonight and so ends my little vacation. I am proud of myself for finally getting my laundry washed and dried. Just need to put it away which means it will probably stay in the basket for a while. I had to go out earlier today or should I say yesterday evening when I woke up. It was rainy rainy rainy. But we needed groceries and I needed gas so Out I went. It has been quite wet the past few days, and I have been hibernating so when I actually did venture into the great outdoors my car was not very happy to be running. It seems that whenever it is really wet outside, be it rain or snow the car does not want to run well. Had to drive into town with blinkers on because I was afraid it might conk out on me. Luckily I got our groceries and gas and made it home without any hiccups. Tonight I will return to work. Yuck! Who out there really likes their job? Maybe 1% of us? The rest of us just kind of drag along for a paycheck and benefits. Can't stand my job, but can't stand abject poverty even more. The good news is that I will be getting a raise in January. The bad news is I have about 18 more years of this shit before I can retire. Really wish i had started a retirement plan long before the age of 45. I am looking forward to February because then I will own my 12 year old car! Looking forward to and extra $300 a month. If I get enough back from taxes I am going to pay off a loan that would have been paid off a year ago if I hadn't refinanced last year. What can I say I needed the money. I always need money. The problem is I get used to overtime then they cut it out for a few months and I realize that I really do not bring that much home. Glad to see four days into the new year and my life is just filled with all kinds of excitement! |
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The so called hormones were like a wasps nest inside me. 
