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My blog A place for random thoughts |
| I fell in love with the English language in ninth grade. It was because of my teacher, Professor J.D. Huggins. I even signed up for an alternative course, “Business English,” because he was the teacher. In addition to opening up the language for me, Mr. Huggins constantly affirmed my good qualities. He would make occasional comments on what I was doing right…in life as well as in the class. In my senior annual he wrote these words, “Bob, I have a great deal of respect for you.” To this very day, those words are like precious trophies, lovingly placed in the chambers of my heart. |
| The wise man said, “Know thyself.” That’s more easily said than done. I have done a lot of self reflection. I have jotted down a few things that I see as my strengths and weaknesses. I’ve heard it said that a weakness is a strength taken to its extreme. With that in mind, I have listed these so that each strength is mirrored by a companion weakness of the same number. Strengths 1. Flexibility—I adjust easily to changing scenarios. 2. I’m an idea man and a good team player. 3. I’m great at multitasking. 4. I’m a diplomat and a good negotiator. I sense the spirit of the moment. I am able to diffuse a tense situation. 5. I’m very enthusiastic. I can go all-out when I get involved in something. 6. I am a healer of hurts. I sense your pain and your needs; I desire to give comfort and help. 7. I like to get-it-done! I don’t like to wait on a lot of processing. 8. I’m very pragmatic. I am willing to bend the rules. 9. I have a positive spirit and a great sense of humor. 10. I genuinely love people. I call myself a people person. Weaknesses 1. I tend to be wishy-washy rather than standing up for a firm conviction. 2. I start many things, but I’m not a strong finisher. I am easily sidetracked. 3. I sometimes find it difficult to focus intently on one thing. My mind has a tendency to charge off in all directions. 4. I avoid saying the hard thing. I don’t like to deal with harsh reality. I’d rather tell you what you want to hear. 5. Moderation is not my forte. I’m more likely to take things to the extreme. 6. I have trouble with boundaries. I may let you take too much from me, and I may get too far into your personal space. 7. I’m not a great detail man. 8. I am not strong on integrity. I’m not bound by right and wrong, as long as nobody is hurt by my actions. 9. I tend to see life through rose-colored glasses. 10. I am a bit naive and vulnerable. |
| This is from Northernwrites. You can delete favorites in the Favorites page. You can get there by clicking the hand with string tied around the finger icon in the left hand menu area, or in the LH nav menu under My Account/My Favorites. The x on the right is the delete button, and a confirmation is required. Your favorite authors will be visible on this page as well, possibly in a folder if you have used that option. Or there is a separate page for them under My Account/My Favorites/Favorite Authors. The list on the right column is just the most recently modified favorites. The Manage/More link at the bottom takes you to the main favorites page. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| The “Em Dash: (Thanks to my good friend Winnie Kay  for this information.)That "line" is called an em dash. It is two hyphens with no spaces between them, before them, or after them. To make a solid em dash, you hold down the ALT key on your keyboard and type the numbers 0151 on your number key pad. Here is a link about em dashes: http://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation/dashes.asp An em dash is the width of an m. Use an em dash sparingly in formal writing. In informal writing, em dashes may replace commas, semicolons, colons, and parentheses to indicate added emphasis, an interruption, or an abrupt change of thought. Examples: You are the friend—the only friend—who offered to help me. Never have I met such a lovely person—before you. I pay the bills—she has all the fun. A semicolon would be used here in formal writing. I need three items at the store—dog food, vegetarian chili, and cheddar cheese. Remember, a colon would be used here in formal writing. My agreement with Fiona is clear—she teaches me French and I teach her German. Again, a colon would work here in formal writing. Please call my agent—Jessica Cohen—about hiring me. Parentheses or commas would work just fine here instead of the dashes. I wish you would—oh, never mind. This shows an abrupt change in thought and warrants an em dash. |
| I’m a family of one, so the housework is up to me. I’ve been getting some of my disciplines in good order. I was telling my adult son Tim about it. He’s also a family on one at this point. I said, “Whenever I have some dishes, I ask myself ‘Could there ever be a better time to wash these than right now?’” Tim interrupted and said, “Yeah. Later!” I need to go back over there and punch him in the nose! Now, when I ask myself that question, I hear myself answer, “Yeah. Later.” Making up the bed is another thing. Why do we make up the bed?? I would ask my late wife that question from time to time. She never really answered, only rolled her eyes toward heaven! Do I make up my bed now? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I have, however, figured out why we make up the bed. It’s for a sense of personal satisfaction. So if I’m in the mood for some personal satisfaction, I make up the bed. If not, I say, in the immortal words of my son, “Later!” |
| A first year student in New Horizons Accademy: Hmmmmmm. Worry, worry…sweat, sweat…pace, pace. Think, think, THINK! AHA! Dear Teacher: There once was a student named Bob. He knew he could do a good job. “Hey Teacher! I say, Here’s your apple a day! I hope to stand out in the mob!”  |
| Written for the prompt: an inanimate object and what it means to you. I have a friend who is a rock painter. She doesn’t do huge rocks, but small ones. They fit nicely in one hand. She painted me a big horned sheep. This is one of my prize possessions. The big horned sheep is my “power animal spirit.” I have identified seven animal spirits that have a big part in my life. (See my blog # 24 on my shaman experience including animal spirits.) Of these seven the big horn sheep is the “key player.” He dwells in the high mountains. He helps me to see life from a more lofty perspective than the “average” person. This has been so beneficial for a minister. My friend wrote two words on the bottom of the rock: “Seek balance.” How wise and insightful for me. I can be a person of extremes. My big horned sheep dwells on my computer desk right next to the screen. He keeps an eye on me, and he reminds me to seek balance. Bob |
| Clases started (early) in "Comma Sense." This is partly because the first lesson is a MONSTER. Anyway, if I am a bit scarce in here it's because I'm cramming for exams! Bob |
| I’m the second born of three sons. A little sister was born five years later, but not in time to save me from the “middle child syndrome.” The middle child is likely to have issues of insecurity and low self image. His or her typical question might be “Am I your favorite person today, Mom?” My lot is common among middle children. I had parents who dearly loved me. My siblings knew when to give me a wide berth. I can often be found negotiating for something. I’m the first to see both sides of a situation. I have many excellent qualities, and yet at times I feel inferior, unloved and out of place. To a large extent, I have made my weakness to be my strength. In negotiating for your acceptance and affirmation, I affirm you. I am very supportive-very understanding-very forgiving. Just today a person said to me, “Bob, you are a safe person to be with. People can trust you. You won’t shoot them down. You won’t attack their ideas or their statements.” That made me smile. |
| I once heard that the Mother Goose rhymes referred to the British ruling class. If so, the old woman in the shoe must have been the queen. I can’t imagine what the shoe had to do with anything. Maybe it’s like “These boots were made for walking…one of these days they’re gonna walk over you.” It’s clear the children referred to her subjects. There were so many of them, she had no idea what to do with them all. So she allowed them to eat, very sparingly, then she continued to “whip” them soundly, and let them all go to bed…clearly hoping for a better day tomorrow, which wasn’t likely to come. |
| I got a couple of reviews yesterday that mentioned I make too much use of caps and exclamation points. The reviewers (both) pointed out that italics are better for expressing emphasis…even firm emphasis. Words in all caps are more like shouting. Well! In response to your kind comments I would just like to say, “Nag, nag, nag! I’m an excitable guy! No, seriously, I deeply appreciate your comments. If I’m not here to learn, then why am I here at all? I also confess to a tiny bit of laziness. I didn’t want to go back and learn how to use italics. So I thank you both. Another feature of my writing is that I am a comma-holic. Thus my enrollment in “Comma Sense,” to be taught by the highly skilled Winnie. I am SO looking forward to that class. (Scu’ me. I meant to say “I am so looking forward to that class.”) God bless. Bob |
| Blogging about Wal-Mart...For a Prompt Here I am in Wal-Mart, observing people. This is a pretty easy blog for me, since I do this all the time anyway. Wal-Mart is not only a “grocery run” for me; it’s also a social occasion. Yup, when you’re a family of one and retired, you notice and enjoy the kindness of strangers. I’m not a lonely person. First of all, I enjoy “aloneness.” Aloneness is my friend, not my enemy. Secondly, I have an adequate “touch” with other people. It’s not a large social circle. I don’t want a large social circle. I’ve had that all my life in my career as an associate pastor in large churches. I only moved to Hattiesburg, Mississippi a few years ago, and I didn’t seek out friends. Again, I enjoy aloneness. Sooooooo, here I am at Wal-Mart observing people. I enjoy all people. I observe all people. But there are a couple groups that especially get my attention. Men and women in uniform…they make up the first group. We live near Camp Shelby, so there are always men and women in uniform in the market place. I always walk around until I am strategically placed to speak to them. It’s a brief conversation. “Where do you call home?” (They come here from everywhere.) I make a comment about their home state if I’ve been there. Then my closing comment: “Thank you for wearing the uniform.” And of course my second type of person of interest…the beautiful woman. Again, I watch her long enough to strategically place myself where I can speak to her in passing. I usually say something like, “I can say this to you since I’m too old to be hitting on you. You are a stunning woman.” I get all kind of responses, all positive. Usually there is a radiant smile, sometimes a blush, always a thank you. Sometimes they reach out and touch my arm. I walk on by. My motivation is the radiant smile. I’m NOT hitting on her! Sometimes the beautiful woman is accompanied by her male partner. This is my favorite comment to him, always said with a big smile: “Sir, I hope you realize, you married above your class.” This situation is always a lot of fun. The guy hesitates for a moment, processing what I have said. Then he breaks into a big smile and says something like “You better believe I realize that!” I’ve developed my Wal-Mart strategy down to a fine science! And of course, often I never speak to anyone. After all, I’m in there to get my groceries and stuff too. I advise all my friends, “Never go to Wal-Mart (or your market of choice) when you’re in a hurry. That just takes all the fun out of it.” But that’s another blog. |
| This is my third blog on the subject of guilt. I hope this material will be very helpful in overcoming “false guilt.” Much of today’s blog is inspired by one of the greatest teachers of our day, George Zaluki. Guilty people have an extremely difficult time succeeding at anything. A person who is guilty sees himself as unlovely…unworthy of success. This causes the “self-sabotage principle”: you almost succeed at something; then you do something stupid and blow it! The whole concept of guilt sets up, in your mind, the need for retribution and punishment. So if you have any moral fiber at all, guilt makes you vibrate the world asking to be punched. There is no quality of life when you’re guilty. CLEAN UP YOUR ACT! Then you will stop doing the things that make you guilty. You are the sum total of all the causes and effects you have set up since birth. Who you are today is a perfect fashioning of your own design. You have the power to make radical changes in your life. The person you are today is exactly the person you have settled for up to this moment. John Milton, in “Paradise Lost”, said, “The human mind is a place of its own. It can make a heaven of hell or a hell of heaven.” Brilliant! A person might say, “I would be happy if…” “I will be happy when…” NOT TRUE! Happiness only exists in this present moment! • I am the source of my satisfaction…not others! • I am the source of my dissatisfaction…not others. • I can interpret things any way I please. Guilt has a specific and important function. It prompts you to correct your offense…to put it right. It should also serve as a reminder not to do wrong things in the first place. What I call “false guilt” is a pervasive feeling of unworthiness caused by past offenses. This is totally unnecessary. It can lead to anxiety and depression. Here are a few possible approaches in dealing with guilt: • Seek forgiveness. This is more than a simple “I’m sorry.” Go to the person you have offended and ask their forgiveness. • Make restitution, at your own expense. Put the matter right. • Confess your offense to God. Receive his forgiveness and pardon. • Apply some common sense and reasoning. Realize the guilty feelings are no longer justified…no longer appropriate. Forgive yourself. Then FORGET ABOUT IT! |
This love poem is one of the exceptions to my Shakespearean sonnet craze! These lines have eight beats rather than ten. To me the lines in this poem are just as intense as the sonnet, perhaps even more so. Three things define a beautiful poem for me: the form…personally, I love rhyme and rhythm; the images and word pictures; and finally, the message…I’m a sucker for the romantic! The person who inspired this poem? That’s a bit too close to home to mention here.
Becoming (2) Becoming wondrously aware, a pensive glance, a studied stare, a moment when the sky is blue and every drop of rain is new. When wise men ponder all that’s fair and eagles rise on azure air, when rulers fail in all they do and sages search for what is true, when maidens brush their flowing hair and morning workmen stop to stare, the purest thought, I know it’s true, my endless love embraces you. My soul will find yours anywhere and come to you without a care and bare my loving heart to you, when all my fondest dreams come true. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Guilt is highly overrated! Some people seem to wear it like a badge of honor, like a “sinful-er than thou” attitude. Real guilt is very functional. It has a couple of purposes. First, it prompts you to correct your offense. Put it right. Make restitution. Ask forgiveness. Second, it should serve as a reminder not to do wrong things in the first place. What I call “false guilt” is a pervasive feeling of unworthiness caused by past offenses. Guilt: • the fact of having committed a breach of conduct • the state of one who has consciously committed an offense • feelings of culpability, especially for imagined offenses or from a sense of inadequacy Culpability: meriting condemnation or blame Guilty: • aware of or suffering from a guilty conscience • deserving punishment Remorse: • distress arising from a sense of guilt for past wrongs • self reproach Guilt is an emotional response when a person realizes or believes (rightly or not) that he or she violated a moral standard and bears significant responsibility for that violation. Unresolved guilt can cause anxiety and/or depression. A person SHOULD experience conflict when he or she has done something perceived as wrong…or when failing to do something he or she should have done. The solution is very simple. Clean up your messes! Then you will have no unresolved guilt. Christianity clearly teaches that when a sin is confessed God separates you from the sin as far as the east is from the west. He remembers it no more. So, WHO ARE YOU to drag yourself through life with a pervasive feeling of unworthiness caused by past offenses? |
| Here's an interesting list I just got off the internet. In light of my other blog on lyhing, I thought this might be interesting: Here's the top eight list of suspicious behaviors that suggest a person is lying: • A change in the voice's pitch. • A change in the rate of speech. • A sudden increase in the number of "ums" and "ahs." • A change in eye contact. Normally, one makes eye contact one-quarter to one-half of the time. If suddenly, at the convenient moment to lie, he's staring at you or looking away, beware. • Turning his body away from you, even if just slightly. • Suddenly being able to see the white on the top and bottom of a person's eyes, not just the sides. • A hand reaching, even if momentarily, to cover part of the face, especially the mouth. • Nervous movement of feet or legs It's the truth...I swear! ..  |
| Today I want to blog on the subject of guilt...a helpful blog. But I just posted that sonnet about my own struggles. That made me want to post another sonnet...a beautiful love sonnet. (Or at least I love it!) "Invalid Item"  |
A couple things have happened to me this evening. First, I got a nice review on this sonnet I hadn't thought about for a long time. Then a couple friends commented that I rally DO have feelings of guilt, and that my very blog demonstrated it. This sonnet seems to give credibility to those comments. ..  Anyway, enjoy.Dark Side I sojourned in the dark side of my soul, where right and wrong tell stories in the gloom, where Lucifer is strong and fully whole, and dark foreboding permeates the room, and there did battle with the pain in me, where no Olympic torch enlightens fame, where every human spirit comes to see outcomes of his own primordial game. I overcame the terror of the night and hailed the splendor of a new-born day. Forsaking morbid rage and rabid fright, I chose to turn and simply walk away. And when I chose to live and not to die, I saw you with a twinkle in your eye. |
| Is my blog personal or mostly public? I find myself becoming “preachy.” It’s a natural thing for a retired minister to do. So, again today, I’m being personal. I’m doing a bit of soul searching. I’m taking a look at some of my character flaws. Yesterday I looked at lying…my tendency to “stretch the truth” or to alter the truth from time to time. Today I’m looking at guilt. When I was “assembled” I think they neglected to include the “guilt chip.” Or maybe I have a faulty guilt chip. I seldom feel guilty. I seldom feel remorse for deeds that I have done. Don’t get me wrong. With a few marked exceptions I have a very high standard of personal ethics. But when I violate my own ethics, I do NOT feel remorse. I do not feel the weight of guilt. And let me assure you. I do not feel remorse over that fact, as I sit here before my computer screen today. I can recall only two situations in which I ever felt genuine remorse. I’m sure there are others. I’m not paid to remember ANYthing these days. One of those situations was relatively small; the other, relatively large. There was a kid named Billy. His dad was the music minister in my first church out of seminary. It was in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I was the associate pastor/ youth minister. At one point I visited with an old couple over a period of time. The gentleman was dying. His wife told me that she’d like to give me some tools and some golf clubs after her husband died. Billy also helped them with some yard work. The lady told Billy that she would give him the golf clubs. (Her mind was a bit fuzzy.) There was a fine set of golf clubs, and there was an old worn out set. After the gentleman’s death I made it a point to show up and claim the good set of clubs, leaving the poor set for Billy. Billy’s family moved on. I didn’t see him for years. Then one day Billy came to my mind. I recalled the remorse I felt for the way I had treated him. I was his MINISTER, for crying out loud! So I determined to put this right. I looked him up. It was no small task; it would be easy today with the resources available to us. Eventually I got Billy on the phone. I apologized for my actions. I asked him to forgive me. He said, “Oh it was no big deal! I forgive you. I don’t even like golf.” Whew! That felt GOOD. It released me from a tiny pang of guilt and the remorse that goes with it. The second incident was much more significant and hurtful…to my wife. In the third year of our marriage I took an action that brought deep hurt to her. CERTAINLY I felt remorse. I felt deep sorrow for the pain I caused her. And in the years that followed, I applied all of my love and attention to make it up to her. I remember well the day she came into the room where I was studying. She told me that she was ready to put all of that in the past. She was ready to forgive me and move on. Let me tell you this. That was one of the greatest days of my life. If you have ever been truly forgiven for an offense, you know what I’m saying. But here’s the strange part. I felt sorrow for the harm I had caused. But I didn’t feel any remorse or sorrow for the deed I had done, in either case. Don’t you find that strange…even weird? But it’s the truth. And I’ll take it another step. From time to time I violate the laws of God. We all do. In your case you probably have pangs of guilt and remorse for those violations. Not me. That’s just not the way I’m wired. I have never had to drag myself through days and years feeling guilty, unworthy, displeasing to God…never. Let me continue this in my blog tomorrow. I want to teach you some things I have learned about guilt. Sometimes guilt can be your friend. You steal ten dollars. You feel guilty. You are supposed to feel guilty! This guilt makes you put it right. You return the ten dollars. Now you feel good again. But far more often guilt is your enemy. You feel unclean or unworthy. You feel like you need to be punished. You punish yourself. You sabotage your golden opportunities. You reject yourself. So you vibrate the world with self-rejection. Is it any wonder that you feel rejected by others? To be continued. |
| I was pondering my journal today. I want it to reflect who I am…what I am. So far, I’ve mostly written things that reflect well on me. Short of writing “true confessions”, I want to take a closer look at myself today. I grew up being a gifted liar! That dubious ability has followed me all the days of my life. How does a child begin to lie? How does he take the habit forward? I guess he would continue the habit if it worked for him. Once I sprayed a bunch of room deodorizer all around the room. Mom came in and asked, “Who sprayed the room deodorizer?” Three little boys immediately said, “I didn’t; I didn’t; I didn’t.) She said, Bobby, I think you did it.” I fiercely denied it. She said, “Well I’m heading out to the store for a few minutes. If you really didn’t do it, when I get back, I want you to look me straight in the eye and say you didn’t do it.” Guess what I did the whole time she was gone. I imagined looking her straight in the eye, and practiced saying, “I didn’t do it!” How did that turn out? As you might expect, my mom blew it off. I’m sure she thought it was too inconsequential to fool with. I’m sure moms have a lot on their minds all the time. Was that some kind of a turning point for me? I don’t know. I’ve pondered many times how I can freely lie, with NO qualms of conscience. I have never had even ONE ounce of guilt over telling a lie. I know I’m breaking one of the ten commandments…the one that says, “Thou shall not bear false witness.” My absence of guilt is a second character flaw I have. We’ll address that one in another blog. My willingness to tell an occasional lie is one of the reasons why I refer to myself, from time to time and with tongue in cheek, as a “tainted holy man”. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a blatant liar. With me it’s more the use of “shades of truth”. Why does a person lie…any person? There are several objectives in lying: to stay out of trouble; to present yourself in a more favorable light; to cover an earlier lie; to tell you what you want to hear; to gain some advantage; and others I’m sure. I don’t intend to justify my actions. I realize the Bible says, “You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.” I believe that, no question about it. However, I DON’T believe that the whole truth, and nothing but the truth will set you free every time! Illustration: Mary comes up with a smile and says, “How do you like my new dress?” The dress is hideous! Shall I say, “Mary, the dress is hideous”? I don’t think so. Me? I’d say something like, “Mary, you are beautiful in that dress.” Is it ever right to lie? The easy answer is NO, NEVER! But for me life is not always black and white. Reality sometimes involves shades of gray. Certainly truth is to be desired…even passionately desired. But for me there are situations in which an “un-truth” is the better part of wisdom. ..  |
| How do you treat a check-out girl who messed up your total; or when the line was LONG? (Was that HER fault…the line?) How do you treat ANY person you meet in the marketplace? I have a deep belief that we are all connected. I love this principle of the Unitarian faith: “I will respect the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.” I’ve heard it said, “When a person sneezes the whole universe is affected.” I like that! And how about this one: “Every choice brings change to chosen.” Let’s say I’m driving safely, and I choose a particular street. That street is now safer. Let’s say I’m driving dangerously, and I choose a particular street. That street is now more dangerous! Let’s say I pick up a gum wrapper in the parking lot. Let’s say I throw one down. Get the point? For me? I’d like to leave my little corner of the universe more beautiful as I walk through it. I’d like to leave each person with a smile, not a frown. But that’s just me. .. |
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