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My blog A place for random thoughts |
| I fell in love with the English language in ninth grade. It was because of my teacher, Professor J.D. Huggins. I even signed up for an alternative course, “Business English,” because he was the teacher. In addition to opening up the language for me, Mr. Huggins constantly affirmed my good qualities. He would make occasional comments on what I was doing right…in life as well as in the class. In my senior annual he wrote these words, “Bob, I have a great deal of respect for you.” To this very day, those words are like precious trophies, lovingly placed in the chambers of my heart. |
| I savor the process of reviewing just as much as I do writing, and I write reviews to reflect the truth with emotion...that is to say, I like to include my own emotions in my reviews. Following are my general guideline for writing a review. Up to now I was not interested in giving feedback for correction. I know people deserve that in a review, and grow from it. But my aim was to give them the brief...or lingering...joy that comes from knowing they touched another human being with their words. I still want to do that. But I also want to improve my reviewing skills. So I am learning to give constructive suggestions too. In helping to judge poems for the contest, “Inspirations”, I like to begin my review with this disclaimer: ”When I receive a review, I appreciate specific suggestions for improvement. Sometimes I act on the ideas, sometimes not. But I always learn something. I hope you will do the same. The suggestions made here are only suggestions! Your poem is beautiful, because it is a part of YOU. Feel free to consider my ideas, or to disregard them.“ I learned a few good pointers from “SWPoet": 1. If I review a poem that obviously needs improvement, I might say something like, “Its great, but if you are interested in entering it in a contest or sending it to a magazine, let me know, and I’ll give you more input.” 2. If someone gives me something under a 5, I don't want to read how great it was with absolutely no suggestions. 3. If the poem really moves me, I give it a five. If not, but the form was done really well, I give it a five. If neither of these is true, I give it a 4.5 with suggestions. 4. I look at the person’s number, and when they joined WDC. I take this into consideration. 5. I look at what the average reviewers are giving the piece already. If the average is 5, I sometimes lean closer to that. If it's 4 or 4.5 but I think the piece was really good, I give it 5 to help up their number. If it’s 4 or higher and it really wasn't that great, I may give it the same as the others’ but I will include some good suggestions. 6. Even if something is excellent, we should specify a part of their piece that meant the most to us, OR we should tell them how the piece impacted us. Even 5's are somewhat shallow victories if we don't know what we did right or what impact we had on the reader. I am always grateful when I receive a review…any review. I ALWAYS try to return a review with a review. This, I believe, is part of the true spirit of WDC. One of the greatest gifts we can give each other is ATTENTION! Almost everybody appreciates attention. I certainly do! So, how do you get a review from me? It's pretty easy: go to my port, and review a piece for me...I'll go to your port and return the review. God bless, Bob |
| A Killing Frost Thursday, February 14, 2008 Margery was born and raised in Winona, Minnesota. I met her in Fort Worth, Texas in 1966. We were both students there. On our first date, it was pretty well over for potential suitors on either side. We were in love. One morning it was maybe 28 degrees. Oh yes, all of us from the south came out in terror with teeth chattering. Margery just gave a little grin and said, “What on earth is wrong with you guys?” (You guys…that is Yankee for Ya’ll…she learned this in time.) Anyway she says, “What on earth is wrong with you guys?” I said, “Have you lost your mind? It is 28 out here!” At this point she gave a hearty and genuine laugh. She said, “Try 5 degrees below…for days or weeks at a time.” What could I say? I was out-classed…no argument. This was not the only time I would be out-classed by this woman from 1966 until this very day. Anyway, I walked out of my apartment yesterday and I was literally jolted by the wind. It was 34 degrees, and the wind chill had to be below 15 degrees. I don’t care what the north-born babies say, in Deep South Mississippi this is cold! Then this morning I came out at 5:30 a.m. I volunteer at the hospital today from 6:00 – 8:00 a.m. The first thing I noticed was the fact that we had a “killing frost” last night. It was 29 degrees. “A killing frost”…I have heard that term since I was a young boy. Even when we lived in Washington D.C. (for the first ten years of my life) my mom and dad commented on “the killing frost”. He was a farmer from the mountains of North Carolina. My mom was the daughter of a plantation owner in the Piedmont section of North Carolina. Even in the city, country people remain country people. (Thank God). In the autumn a killing frost is usually good news. Now the bugs have been dealt a deathblow. Now you can trap rabbits and have rabbit stew. (Don’t turn up your nose…it is delicious beyond words.) In the spring a killing frost can be terrible news. Let’s say the fruit trees are in full bloom, and there is a late cold snap, and the land gets a killing frost. The entire harvest can be destroyed by a killing frost. By the way, here in the south the weatherman takes supreme delight in predicting a killing frost. You can watch it…if the weather channel says it will be 29 tonight, the local guy says it will be 23. I kid you not! Last night the weatherman said it would be down to 23. I wasn’t too alarmed…I figured it was possible that we would have temperatures below 30. And anyway, take it from Margery…it wasn’t 15 below for days…weeks at a time, right? One last thought on the “killing frost”. Your sweetheart can give you one…in a blink! In an instant! So be careful, you hear? God bless, Bob |
| It is a time in my life when I am trying not to TALK so much! I am learning to enjoy the moment...to be present in the moment...to realize "this is a wonderful moment." For instance, If I get stopped at the light, I used to fume and fuss. Now I simply realize a truth: "I would not be any happier on the OTHER side of this light. This is a moment to sit still and sort my thoughts. This is a wonderful moment." In my daily relationships this is making an obvious difference. People talk to me and I LISTEN. Then something else happened. A friend of mine asked me a specific question, seeking my help for her problem. She deals with a lot of fear...every day. I let her describe it to me. I told her I would think about it for a couple days, and try to give her some help the next time I saw her. Here are a few thoughts that came to me. A specific thing MAY happen…like a tornado or something bad. It probably will NOT happen. Worrying will make NO difference in whether or not it happens. How many times, in your life, have you worried about specific things? Let’s say 10,000 times. How many times did that specific thing actually happen? Let’s say 10 times…or maybe even 100. It seems to me like you have WASTED a great deal of worry. Did your worrying ever ONCE change anything? Instead of worrying, try this: Be wise, and do your part. Do everything you can to make your family safe. Have an action plan in mind. (Like get your kids home, have a flashlight or some candles, etc.) Focus your mind on what needs to be done. Do it calmly, without panic. If you are a God-fearer, Totally trust in God, for the things you have no control over: Psalms 56:3 “What time I am afraid, I will trust in Thee.” 1 Peter 5:7 “Cast all of your cares on Him, for He cares for you.” 1 John 4:4 “Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world.” 2 Corinthians 12:9 “My grace is sufficient for you.” Realize that survival and security are illusions. There IS no survival! You’re going die! Think calmly about death, and realize that it will do you no harm. Life “on the other side” is good…every time! If you are afraid to die, you are afraid to live. Realize that there IS no security. How often have you had your “security” jerked out from under you? How much money, for instance, would it take for you to be “secure”? The clever cliché says, “Just a little bit more.” This applies to the homeless person on the street, and to the multimillionaire. Security is an illusion, bathed in fear. How long will you stay on a job you hate, because “I have to have the security”? So live your life without worrying about survival and security. They are only illusions. It was Helen Keller who said in 1957, “Life should be lived as a daring adventure or not at all.” Or perhaps you would RATHER fret and worry and live your life in fear. Nobody’s stopping you! That works for some people. G’ Day Bob |
| Latest update: January 30, 2008 8:00 a.m. Shaman Journal A fresh new door has opened for me. It seems to be pretty significant. There was a noted “Shaman” in town for a few days. I secured his services to assist me in a “Soul Retrieval Ceremony.” First a brief disclaimer: Don’t be offended by the concept of animal spirits. Perhaps it is allegorical language or metaphorical language. In any case the concept was very helpful to me. It seems to me that the entire universe is connected…far more intimately than conservative Christians realize. (Ninety percent of my friends are Christians.) The shaman I met is from Portland, Oregon. I heard him speak in a small group meeting. I scheduled a session with him. I did so for two reasons: First, he made a lot of sense to me in some areas of personal concern. Second, he came with impeccable credentials. He is in town for a couple of weeks. He is here to conduct some meetings and to make himself available to individuals. He is being hosted by “Therapeutic Kneads.” The Shaman tradition is from antiquities, perhaps as far back at 30,000 to 40,000 years in the area of Siberia: Tibet. Medicine men are typically shamans. Not all shamans are medicine men. Shamans have a large variety of functions. The present day “seer” or “psychic” is usually a type of shaman. Phil is the name of the shaman I met. He has a variety of functions, or services to offer. The one I chose is called a “Soul retrieval ceremony”. Let me insert an observation here. There are several approaches to the process of emotional healing: · Freud introduced a process including some degree of “catharsis”, going back in your mind to the painful event and processing it. · Hypnosis is used to aid a person in dealing with memories and trauma. · The psychiatrist uses his discernment and training to assist the client. · The Christian “faith healer” lays hands on a person to assist them in healing, physically, mentally or emotional. · In my case the shaman went into “trance” and “traveled the spirit world” in search of missing “pieces” of my psyche or soul. First he attempted to contact my “animal spirits”, and to enlist their help in his search on my behalf. Let me ask you a simple question. If you subscribe to one of the above, do you find it necessary to criticize any of the other techniques? Why? Again, I realize you may have difficulty with the concept of animal spirit guides. You may not believe the shaman actually “traveled in the spirit world”. I’m not concerned with the “technique.” It does not matter to me whether the shaman actually did it the way he described it. I am comfortable with the belief that he was using his gifts. He had great skill in understanding me. That is what is important to me. Here are the four “animal spirit guides” the shaman found for me: The big horned sheep: He is my power spirit. He roams the upper elevations. He can see things that can’t be seen from the lower plains. The male wolf: His specialty is “boundaries”. The wolf pack has incredible strength and efficiency of movement. The vulture: He is able to utilize every morsel of the nourishment! He doesn’t leave un-used meat on the bones. The turtle: The only way to understand turtle is to slow down and get down on ground level. (I see my father in the turtle spirit.) Here are three other “animal spirit guides” I have since become aware of: The eagle: (First Day) I have ALWAYS loved the eagle! He can clearly see the situations on the ground below. He can avoid many dangers and delays on ground level. The she wolf: (Third Day) Her specialty is protection of her young. (I see my mother in the wolf spirit.) The Chimpanzee: (Sixth Day) He is my lifelong sense of humor! Next the shaman conducted a search for the “pieces” that had been lost to me. Think of it as emotional skills or traits that were damaged by trauma, along the “journey” of my life. The shaman did not “name” these. He just described events, with dates, pertaining to the “traumas” of life. His descriptions of my life events were accurate to the point of near amazement to me. And the dates he suggested were never more than two years off the actual dates. I am now in the process of describing each event and giving each “piece” a descriptive name. When a person loses a “piece of his soul” he then engages life with a handicap, to the extent that he “lost” some of his mental/emotional equipment. This is why so many of us experience chronic fatigue…we are “running the race” without all of our gifts and skills. Here are some “Pieces of my Soul” that were retrieved by the Shaman: Holding: (long ago) This means that I try to hold the burdens of the people I care for. This is good of course. But it becomes bad when I don’t know when to turn loose. I tend to assume responsibility for things that are not my responsibility. Boundaries: (age two) It is difficult for me to protect myself with personal boundaries. I allow people to “take too much out of me”. At the same time I am not sufficiently aware of the boundaries of others. Sometimes this weakness causes me to give unwanted attention to the lives of my family and peers. Sexuality: (Age 10 and following) Nobody damaged me sexually. I was able to do a pretty good job of “screwing” myself up. The “rules of conduct” were pretty strict. As I entered puberty and discovered my sexuality I was too intense to “obey the rules” as I understood them. Looking back I can see that the “rules” were faulty. Mission: (age 16-18) I responded to a “call into the Christian ministry.” In itself this was good. It launched me on a very successful and satisfying career. At the same time it launched me into a mental/emotional battle with my belief system. It took me many years to unravel this web of confusion. Relationships: (age 24-25, occasioned by marriage) Surrender: (About age 48) At this point I decided to live with my “doubts” and continue my career without so much stress. In a way I was allowing myself to be employed by a group (the church) whose beliefs were often contrary to my own. I did so because I loved the work I was able to do as a “minister” on staff of successful churches. Grief: (age 60) It wasn’t until my wife was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease that I really experienced serious grief in my personal life. It took me several years (and good support from others) to acknowledge grief, pain and weakness in my own life. Here are some additional “Pieces of my Soul” that I have retrieved on my own, since my experience with the shaman: Humiliation: (First Day) Because of my lack of clear boundaries (for myself and others) I am often humiliated by my own actions. Focus: (First Day) A wise teacher recently said that THINKING is the most difficult thing a person is asked to do. “In many instances,” he continued, “it is almost impossible for a person to focus their mind and THINK.” This has been so true for me. Assertiveness: (First Day) When I hear the word “assertive” I hear the word “aggressive”. I think it is a bad thing. I am coming to see that “assertiveness” is one of the fundamental skills that a person needs in relationship. Appropriateness: (First Day) This is a big one for me. I base my actions on how effective they are in getting my “mission” accomplished. I seldom pause and ask if the action is appropriate for the occasion. Balance: (First Day) “Enough, but not too much”. This is how I define personal balance. I believe it is important to keep some “margin” in every area of life. If I “use it all up” in one area, then I am out of balance in that area. Appetites: (Second Day) To an alarming degree my appetites are able to “drive” my conduct. This is an area of balance that I am working on. Truth: (Third Day) I was very young when I realized I was a gifted liar. I have no idea how I developed the ability and willingness to lie. For most of my life I have told “shades of truth”. And I have been willing and able to tell blatant lies when they seem necessary. Superior vs. Inferior: (Fifth Day) (age 7-10) When I was making my way through the early years of elementary school an interesting thing occurred. It was actually two things happening at once. First, I was able to do things with above average skill. Second, this caused some envy and jealousy among my pears. When my peers “withdrew” from me I concluded that I needed to try harder to gain their approval. This, of course, led them to withdraw further. At the time I could not see what was happening. I sometimes thought I was inferior…I sometimes thought I was superior. Here are some of the benefits I have derived from my shaman experience: (In no special order) It is helpful for me to regard my “animal spirits” as my own little intimate family. There is nothing in my life I have to hide from them. There is nothing in my life I CAN hide from them. As I get the energy back that I always used for hiding, I am able to apply it to the enjoyment of life and meaningful endeavors. 1. Better safety and concentration in city traffic: (First Day) I have better driving instincts. I try to depart early so I will not be in such a hurry. The aging driver can become a danger to those around him, especially if he is an aggressive driver. I continue to be an aging driver, but not so aggressive, and much more focused 2. Improved focus: (First Day) I am not having as many of the “senior moments.” I am “remembering-to-remember” things more effectively. A wise teacher recently said that “thinking” is the most difficult thing we ever attempt to do. It is nearly impossible to command our minds to focus on something and think effectively. This is improving for me dramatically. 3. More power and insight, especially in negotiation: (First Day) I had gone to my phone company twice this week to ask for some special help. I needed something their policies would not allow them to give. They refused me twice. After my shaman experience I thought quietly about my need and their position. An idea came into my mind. I returned to the phone company and they granted my request within five minutes. Nothing I said to them was pushy or demanding. I just presented my need in a way that enabled them to grant it immediately. 4. Benefits for Others: (Second Day) Specific people who are in relationship with me are having better experiences with me. 5. Effectiveness: (Second Day) I am realizing increased results for my efforts. Einstein once said the human mind operates at less than ten percent of its potential. I believe this applies to the physical, emotional AND mental. 6. One-on-one communication skills: (Second Day) I have always considered myself a great listener and communicator. I am beginning to realize how much information I “left on the table”. I was talking too much and failing to listen carefully. My attentiveness has improved. I am able to express my thoughts more clearly and concisely. 7. Personal Boundaries: (Second Day) I am able to protect myself with personal boundaries, and at the same time recognize the boundaries of others. For most of my years I have given too much of myself away. Yes giving is good. But to me it has been extreme. I have not set boundaries to protect myself from allowing others to take too much. At the same time I have not been aware of your boundaries, and consequently have violated them. (Boundaries are the specialty of the wolf. The wolf pack observes rigid discipline. At the same time they are unbelievably strong, swift and effective. They are virtually fearless.) 8. Momentum and personal power: (Second Day) These improve, as become more skillful at setting and respecting personal boundaries, first for myself, then for others. 9. Improved Strategy: (Third Day) As my mental focus is improving I find myself being more creative in task management. 10. Increased Self Confidence: (Fourth Day) This is improving, as I get better at handling my “Superior VS Inferior” concept of myself. 11. Increased Gratitude: (Fourth Day) Here is an example. It is normal to moan and groan when I have a toothache. Now I am trying to remember to be thankful when my tooth feels good…thankful for NOT having a toothache. I am experiencing more peace, joy, comfort and even amazement. 12. Intuition: (Seventh Day: Monday, January 28, 2008) I have always had good “intuition” and I have generally trusted it. The difference now is that my intuition is far more accurate. I find myself being quieter in my spirit, and getting important insights. I find myself saying, repeatedly, “That makes sense”. “That makes sense”. 13. Stillness: (Seventh Day) Late last year I read a book that gave me a lot of insights from Buddhism. It is the book by Thich Nhat Hanh called “Being Peace.” A New Englander pen pal named Brenda recommended it. One of the biggest insights is to live in the moment…to enjoy the moment…to be aware of the moment…to “BE PRESENT” as much as possible. I have been making progress this year in being still. Today I reached a new level. 14. Improved Spaces: (Seventh Day) This morning I had a pleasing insight. I have been gradually reorganizing the “spaces” in my home. Every time I enter a closet, or pass something I have been meaning to “get around to”, I find myself simply doing it. 15. Patience: (Seventh Day…ten minutes ago: 7:15 p.m.) I have never been one for delayed gratification. Oh yes, I understand it and I teach it. But for me? NADA! When I see something I want I go for it with intensity. If delaying is a good strategy then I can delay. But waiting has not been a strong quality in me. I can see that it is becoming a very important quality. 16. Healing: (Seventh Day) I am recovering ahead of schedule from surgery to repair my left rotator cuff…I injured it in a fall. I have always believed the body intends to heal itself. Ones mental-emotional attitude has a lot to do with it. I have a friend who is also a massage therapist, Reiki practitioner and faith healer. She told me I am a candidate for total restoration of this shoulder without surgery. (I in fact believe this is possible.) I opted for surgery, however, and this friend continues to assist me with the healing. The Shaman told me that my left shoulder injury relates to grief. He went on to say this is the feminine side, and I am carrying grief or stress in this left shoulder. Many accidents and injuries relate to a person’s being “overloaded” with emotions, like grief or depression. I firmly believe my overall health is going to improve dramatically, as I get a better balance of the “soul pieces” I am discovering and repairing. 17. Wealth: (Eighth Day 5:01 a.m.) What is your definition of wealth? I’ll tell you mine: wealth is “ENOUGH”. I have had “enough” every day of my life. I just didn’t know it. I have spent my resources with joy. Yes, there was always a little voice inside my head saying, “Are you getting enough in savings? Is your retirement account doing OK? Will you have security in your golden years?” Happily I can tell you the answer is “YES”! But I’m just now realizing this fact clearly. 18. Efficiency of Movement: (Eighth Day 6:45 a.m.) This must be multi-tasking at its best. I’m not trying to multi-task. I’m just noticing that my movements are becoming extremely efficient and effective. (I mentioned this in number 5 above). 19. “Too Much Information”: (ninth day) People who give you “too much information” don’t usually realize it. We must have a “missing chip” in the computer of our minds. Just now I’m getting the feeling I may have given you “too much information” in this journal! If it bores you to death, simply quit reading. You have that option in my written materials. I’ll try to do better next time we talk in person. Let me stop at this point. No doubt these benefits will continue to strengthen me. I will discern more and more benefits every day…possibly for the rest of my life. The Shaman said that a person only needs one “soul retrieval ceremony” in his life, except in extreme circumstances. Part 2 The particular shaman I visited is Phil. He has three primary areas of endeavor, though he does a large variety of things, I am sure. He offers these three functions in private sessions: The soul retrieval ceremony: The shaman, in trance, enters the spirit world on behalf of a client, always with a specific goal, to bring back something to make the client’s physical life better. The function of the “seer”, the medium: The shaman assists the client in resolving questions concerning departed loved ones. The “psych pump”. This is a ceremony designed to assist a person in making the death transition, or in helping the family of a departed love one to deal with issues of passing. In addition to my private session with the shaman, I attended three public meetings he led. One of them was hosted in a place called “The Yoga Room”. I enjoyed the following two quotes. They were artistically written on the walls of the Yoga Room. “What is behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us.” Ralph Waldo Emerson “It is only with the heart that we can see rightly. What is spiritual is invisible to the eye.” Antoine de Saint Exupery This makes so much sense to me. Here is what I think. If I seize a “truth” and clutch it too tightly, then I make myself blind to any contrary idea. If the real truth came and knocked on my door, I wouldn’t open the door…I would be too intent on clutching my own “truth.” I don’t believe that wisdom consists in attaining ultimate knowledge. I believe it consists of always being open to truth as it shows up daily. None of my “losses” along the way were genuine losses. They have only served to make me better. I am coming to believe that there is no accident or coincidence in the universe. Everything is connected. Here’s another tentative theory: There is no evil within itself. Some things are intended for “evil” but the universe makes them work for the mutual good of all creation. (I’m still testing this theory.) I see a person who has done horrible things. Maybe he is a “messed up” person, not necessarily an evil person. Romans 8:28 says, “All things work together for good for them that love the Lord.” This is very very true. In fact I believe you could remove the phrase, “…for them that love the lord”. I believe the statement will stand on its own merits: “All things work together for good.” Period. The Shaman used a crystal in the ceremony and then gave it to me. I hear a lot about the use of crystals. This was very interesting to me. At one point in the ceremony the Shaman held the crystal in one hand and blew through it onto my head. He was “delivering” my lost soul pieces back to me. I can’t see anything ominous or suspicious in this use of crystals. Again, if this is simply another metaphor, then I think it is a GOOD metaphor. It helped me visualize the healing I was receiving. Finally the shaman invited me to select seven different colors of twine, one to represent each of the seven soul pieces that had returned. He twisted these threads together and tied them around my right wrist. This little twine bracelet is to remind me of each of the soul pieces, and to symbolically bind them to me. This too was a very meaningful gesture for me. This is the ninth day since my soul retrieval ceremony. I still enjoy the look and feel of the little twine bracelet. I have no particular time in mind to remove it. For now it is a simple and pleasant reminder of the healing that God has given me through this shaman. In closing I’ll pose this question. What do you think the shaman is actually doing? He uses the terms: animal spirits, trance, going over into the spirit world, and others…much of this is simply the language of spiritualism. I think this is mostly metaphorical. As a client I found it very helpful for me, as I processed some of the issues of my life. I continue to find it helpful, enjoyable and sometimes amusing. So let me close in the same place I opened this piece. Most of my friends are traditional Christians. Some of them are not. There is one main difference I can see. The Christian’s greatest life mission is to win others Christ. Many of the non-Christians I know find their greatest mission, second only to family, as the preservation of the planet. All of the spiritualists I know believe that the entire universe is connected. We should love, respect and protect shorelines, trees, animals, rocks and every “spirit” in the universe. I ask the Christian…can you find any fault in this? And I remind the Christian, if you ever find yourself too lazy to recycle, would you take a lesson from your spiritualist brothers and sisters? God bless, Bob |
| I got into the most interesting discussion a few days ago. An "expert" was explaining that studies have been done to determine what factors contribute to the longevity of those who live to be over a hundred. OK, so I'm thinking what you'd be thinking: don't cuss, don't smoke, don't chew...and don't go with those who do. It was sooooo interesting to me. One of the defining factors is the ability to "let go of the stuff" that has been done to us. Harbor resentment: die younger. Let it go: live longer...MUCH longer. I have usually done this very thing. So I'm looking forward to living to be a hundred! It's good for a retired "holy man" to realize that one of the best things he ever says is "What the hell...who cares?"  Hope this is a good day for you. |
| I have had my left arm in an "ultra sling" for three weeks now, and I have three to go. Driving is not a real challenge...I'm pretty good with my hands. But the fact is, I can't reach the turn signal with my left hand. So I simply take extra precaution in turning, changing lanes, and so on. But guess what. I know in advance I'm forming a habit of not using the turn signals faithfully...like some of the other idiots I encounter in traffic every day. There's something else I know. It takes about 28 days to create a habit...even longer to break a long standing habit. Sooooo I'm investing six weeks in NOT using my turn signals! Wonder if it will take me six weeks to RE-form the habit. We'll see...we'll see. G'Day. |
| Monday, October 24, 2005 I Missed My Daddy Today: My Daddy died last year. He was a carpenter and a farmer, and sort of a “Jack of all trades.” He could figure out anything. If a task needed doing around the house, he’d figure out a way to get it done. He was a marvelous human being. He loved people and always had time for them. He loved children. If he was working on something and one of his children (or any child) approached, he would simply begin explaining what he was doing and how to do it. It was because of this wonderful teaching spirit in my dad that I can do a lot of things for myself. I am setting up my workshop, after retiring in January this year. I am making it really nice. Today I assembled a tool that I hadn’t used before. It is an electric grinder with two grinding wheels, one coarse and one fine. It is a variable speed tool with a built-in work light. It is nice. When I finally got my grinder ready to use, I took an old beat-up chisel. I figured I would learn to use the grinder on an old tool, and then move on to my better tools. My first surprise was how quickly the grinding wheel removed the metal from the chisel! My second surprise was how difficult it is to hold the chisel properly, so that it is sharpened uniformly. My third surprise was an important one. I touched the edge of the chisel to see how sharp it was, and the steel burned my finger! Steel heats up quickly when it is being sharpened with a grinding wheel! My Daddy never had such a fine grinder. His was old and well used. It was a single speed grinder with only one wheel. It had no built-in light. But he was a master with a grinder. He could make a tool sharp with seemingly no effort. I thought how nice it would be to ask him for a few pointers on using my new grinder. It would have been his pleasure to work and talk and show me the fine points of tool sharpening. I have no regrets back toward my Daddy. I loved him dearly and I told him so. He lived to be ninety years old. He died at home with his loved ones at his bedside. No regrets at all. But I missed my Daddy today. |
| What Did We Lose? It has been wisely said that ones possessions have a tendency to possess them. You can understand this quite easily. Say you have an old beat up camera. You toss it in the back seat and drive off without a care in the world. But then you spend about $800 and buy this fancy new camera. You worry about it…will it get too hot? Too cold? Will you drop it? Will someone steal it? Oh yes, your new possession is possessing you! Janet Joplin said it this way: “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose.” I’m not taking it quite that far. But I have learned that one can do just FINE with less possessions! There is a tool shed on the outer edge of my back yard. I had placed a lot of boxes in the shed, pending a time in the future when I would unpack them. Water flooded across my back yard. It did not enter our home, but it pretty well flooded that little shed. Now I’m a good packer! And I’m a good organizer. The heaviest boxes go on the bottom of the stack, and the lighter boxes go higher on the stack. That way the lower boxes won’t be crushed. This is a great concept for stacking boxes. But if you knew a couple feet of water would flood the area, you might do it differently. What is in the heavier boxes? Well books, of course, and picture albums. Yep, I lost two thirds of my library and a LOT of picture albums. I called a dear friend who had lost all of her childhood journals and poetry books, and told her I was grieving for a loss that was small and insignificant compared to what a lot of people lost in this storm. But still it was a loss to me, and I was grieving. She was a wonderful listener; she gave me a lot of sympathy and compassion. But she gave me something far better than that. She gave me “the best advice I ever had.” She said, at length, “Mr. Bob, maybe it’s time to LIVE in the present, rather than embracing the past as it was captured in your pictures.” What a wonderful thought! And how we hoard those ancient pictures, but how often do we get them out and LOOK at them! So I “let go” of them, along with many many books. Guess what: I had READ all those books, some of them over and over! Maybe it’s time to move forward. What’s so essential about owning every book that John Grisham ever wrote? I was able to apply this thinking to many of the other things that were lost and broken. Nobody likes to lose their stuff. But it is only stuff. It is not the “stuff of life.” I didn’t lose a single soul that I love. People…they are the “stuff of life.” |
| Should we go, or should we stay? My family has lived in Texas, Oklahoma and now in Mississippi. We are accustomed to the occasional tornado warning. This was the first time we ever got close to a hurricane. I was concerned as the storm began picking up strength in the Gulf. I asked my son and his wife what they suggested. They said we have hurricane warnings all the time; we never get more than some wind and a lot of rain. They didn’t sound too concerned. I began buying the things that would be needed if the power and water went off. I didn’t want to be in the stores at the last minute, should the storm head our way. Two things became obvious…Katrina would in fact head our way; and we would in fact stay. By now it was too late to do anything else. Looking out the window: Maybe I was too naïve to be terribly frightened of this storm. I’ve never experienced anything like the sound of the wind as it pounded us for several hours. I thought the rain would appear to be much harder, but I’m sure it was hard enough. The electricity went off in the very early minutes of the strong wind. I remember thinking, “It will come back on; this is just an early blip.” The electricity didn’t come back on for two weeks! It was a lot longer in many places. I have come to believe that our electrical power is pretty fragile. As I looked out the window, my biggest concern was the roof of my workshop. It is attached to the main house, and it has a very heavy metal roof. That metal roof was vibrating pretty violently, and I thought it would fly off. This was my biggest concern of the day. I was afraid that all my tools would be ruined. I had just finished moving them into my workshop, out of my garage. The workshop roof held! And it didn’t even leak. A tree hit it a glancing blow, and made a pretty serious dent on one edge, but I can fix that. Might as well take a nap: If we had it to do again, we would do quite a few things differently. We would huddle in the center hall, where we would be most protected. In this case, I said to my wife, “This is going to continue for several hours. We might as well get some rest.” Our bedroom is on the outside wall, and it has a large window. I think we drifted in and out of sleep. Now and then we’d hear a tree hit something. We couldn’t be sure if our house had been hit. Now that I have had a good look outside, after the storm, I know I would be a lot more concerned if we are in another storm! We were exceptionally lucky! The houses on either side of our house had large trees that fell on them and broke through the roofs. |
| I came through Hurricane Katrina on August 29, 2005. I wasn’t in New Orleans. I wasn’t on the Mississippi Gulf Coast. I was ninety miles north of the Mississippi Gulf Coast in a town called Hattiesburg, Mississippi. It is the home of USM, the University of Southern Mississippi, or just “Southern.” We had just moved to Hattiesburg a couple of months earlier. We wanted to be closer to our grandson, so we moved from the Jackson area to Hattiesburg. Our son lived in an area of Hattiesburg called “The Oaks.” The neighborhood featured huge oak trees and pine trees. This is where we wanted to live too. We bought a nice little house about seven blocks from our son and his family. Some of his in-laws live close by too. So there are four families of us within a few city blocks. All of us had towering trees in our yards. My own house is on a huge drainage channel. Hattiesburg built a series of drainage ditches throughout our neighborhood, to control the water run-off. Our house is in a flood zone. I did my homework. I talked to the neighbors and to the city engineers. Yes it was a flood zone, but the house hadn’t flooded in 30 years…not since the drainage system was completed. In fact, when the new city map is published, my house will no longer be in a flood zone. I can say with confidence that my house is not likely to flood! We received torrential rains for 5 or 6 hours during the hurricane. A river of water rushed through my back yard. The water came within a few inches of our house, but none of it came in! We did, in fact get some water inside our house. It didn’t come in from the flooding drainage channel. It didn’t come in through a leak in the roof. It backed up through the bathroom shower. About 8:00 on the morning of the storm I heard a gurgling sound in the front bathroom. I looked at everything and didn’t see any problem. When my wife got up she came to tell me that we had water in part of the master bedroom and in the master bath. That’s when I discovered that the shower stall had about four inches of dark water in it. It was seeping out into the hallway and into the master bedroom. Later it would seep under the wall into the kitchen-den area and flood about a third of that room too. We began to bail water. We worked for nearly an hour filling a bucket and throwing it out the front door. Meanwhile the wind was beginning to blow with a vengeance, and the rain was beginning. I realized that we didn’t have enough strength to continue bailing water. Also I figured it would not be safe to open the outside door for much longer. I suggested to my wife that we give up the effort, and use our time blocking up the furniture, so it wouldn’t be damaged by the seeping water We got all of the furniture on blocks. That took maybe an hour or less. By then the water stopped backing up through our shower. It had entered two rooms and the hallway. None of the rest of the house was effected. Looking back I realize that our efforts with the water kept our minds off of the immediate danger of the storm. We also learned something about atmospheric pressure. It was pressure that caused the water to back up through our plumbing. The same thing happened to our neighbor. |
| What a pleasure it is driving in the city or on the highway if you are not in a hurry. You can enjoy the sights along the way. You can also have a coy sense of humor about the people who are dashing in and out of traffic, obviously stressed and in a hurry. Again, this is part of enjoying the things around you…of living in the present with a sense of satisfaction about the world and your place in it. The greatest one lesson I am learning in my retirement is to live in the present. That means live in the moment. Don’t fret about happened yesterday or what is going to happen tomorrow. Cherish the moment. Have the spirit that says, “I am perfectly satisfied and content to be in this moment…to be where I am right now, and to be doing what I’m doing right now. That contentment includes enjoying what you are eating. Savor the smell and the taste, the texture and the appearance. Be grateful for the food, and enjoy it to the maximum. Don’t simply wolf it down in order to get on to the next thing. |
| We were driving in a light rain, on the way to Virginia. Suddenly the windshield wiper on the driver’s side came loose. It flipped over. It didn’t come off, but it was pinned to the car window in an awkward position. These were new and expensive wiper blades. I pulled off at a quick stop and tried, unsuccessfully to put it back on properly. My wife gestured toward a man who had just entered to store, as if to say, “Maybe he can help.” I went into the store and approached two men at the check out counter. I was holding the windshield wiper blade in my hand. I said, “Are either of you gentlemen mechanical?” One of the men took the wiper blade out of my hand and walked out the door to my car. He and I fussed with it for a few minutes, and it was back in place. He said, “Look at the other blade. It isn’t installed properly; that’s the reason this one came off.” With that he made a quick adjustment on the other wiper blade, then said, “Turn them on and see how they work now.” They worked perfectly. I asked this man his name. He said, “Dale.” I said, “Bob Buckner” and gave him a firm hand shake, saying “You are my hero.” He smiled and walked back into the store. |
A third grade boy was sitting at his desk in abject humiliation. He had wet his pants. He was thinking to himself, “This is the only thing my classmates will remember about me. I will be the laughing stock of the whole class.” Just then a girl named Judy stumbled and spilled the fish bowl right into his lap. The class laughed and called her clumsy and a klutz. As the teacher sent the boy to the gym to change his clothes, the last thing he heard in the classroom was the other kids making fun of Judy. Later in the day the other kids were still making fun of Judy. He caught her eye, and she gave him a little smile. He walked over to her and said, “Did you do that on purpose?” She said to him, “I wet my pants once.” |
| How to Unplug Drains I read a good article in Jackson, Mississippi’s Clarion Ledger on April 15, 2005. It was a column called “Ms. Builder.” It carried the note, “Send your questions to Ms. Builder, 6906 Royalgreen Drive, Cincinnati, OH, 45244, or log on to www.msbuilder.com. A person had written that their house was only ten years old, but their drains were beginning to clog. They were concerned whether the builders had done the plumbing incorrectly. Ms. Builder replied that it would be impossible to make that judgement without tearing into the plumbing. But the fact is houses can be expected to encounter some drain clogging from about the tenth year on. Drains do age somewhat like our faces age. In the case of drains there is a natural buildup of gooey stuff called bio-film. Bio-film builds up slowly over time. It is caused by bacteria acting on food particles, soaps, conditioners, body oils, toothpaste, etc. This black “gunk” is very sticky. It is very sticky, and eventually hardens like creosote in a chimney. Bathtubs are one of the real trouble areas. Long hairs tend to get stuck in the bio-film and form a tough, solid blockage. Bathtubs usually have a fairly long, nearly horizontal drain running under the tub. The water velocity is slow through this area, creating a faster buildup. When you have a clog, you can try the old standard plunger. But it is likely to just pump out a lot of the smelly black gunk. A drain cleaning snake usually works, but it is messy too. If you have sharp elbows in your drains, the snake may not be able to get to the clog. If you DON’T have a septic tank system, a standard liquid drain cleaner is your most effective option. It is also inexpensive. The ones called “thick” are supposed to settle through the standing water and make their way to the clog. Chemical drain cleaners are BAD for a septic tank. They kill the important bacteria. If you have a septic tank, you should only use the enzyme cleaners. If you have a wet-dry vacuum, use it to remove as much of the water from the pipe as possible. This reduces the dilution of the cleaner. Pour the thick cleaner in the drain and let it stand as long as the product instructions indicate. Don’t just turn on the water. Plug the drain and fill the sink. When you remove the plug the water flow will have more force. Drano makes a new foaming type of drain cleaner. This is particularly effective. It cleans the entire inside surface of the drain because it foams and expands. Standard cleaners, even thick ones, only come in contact with the bottom of the drain pipe. For stubborn clogs Drano 1-800-558-5252 and Liquid Plumber, 1-800-227-1860 both have help lines you can call. |
| Recovering: Nicci French is a British author. Her first book to be published in the U.S. is a novel called “Killing Me Softly.” It is an excellent romance, mystery story. Here is a quote: “Pauline had once said to me, after she was through the worst of her stunned unhappiness, that if you behave as if you are all right, then one day you will be. You have to go through the motions of surviving in order to survive. Water finds its way into the ditches you have dug for it.” “Water flows into the ditches you have dug for it.” What a splendid metaphor! And how very true. I believe that Nicci French has given us some of the best counsel I ever heard for people overcoming grief or sorrow. |
| Practice makes perfect? How often have we heard that little bit of sage wisdom, “Practice makes perfect.” Maybe we were taking piano lessons, or violin or flute, and we were discouraged. Our loving mother said, “Just remember, practice makes perfect.” Maybe we couldn’t tie our shoe, and we just wanted to give up. Again we heard those words, “Practice makes perfect.” I was just thinking…practice does NOT make perfect. Practice makes PERMANENT. If you consciously repeat an action over and over again, you should improve your skills in this particular action. But will it make you perfect? I don’t think so. Will it make you “more perfect?” That’s a misnomer. “Perfect”, like “pure” is an absolute. What about faulty practice? Let’s say you are working on your golf swing. Certainly practice is important! But let’s say you get some bad advice from a friend. You believe the advice, and you practice it faithfully for weeks. Does this practice make you perfect? NO. It makes you worse. So maybe we could say “perfect practice makes perfect.” But then if you are capable of perfect practice, I guess you are already perfect. |
| Tool Boxes: You can go to the hardware store these days and select from an unbelievable variety of tool boxes. They have pouches and pockets for every size and shape of tools. You can even buy a tool box designed around a five gallon plastic bucket. It is made of heavy plastic. It has a rounded top to be used as a seat. It has a leather bib all the way around it with pouches on the inside and outside. I prefer a simple wooden tool box that my dad and I built, years ago. It is a double sided tool box about 48 inches long and eight inches wide and six inches deep. It is an open tool box, with a slot handle in the middle. You need to balance the tools in the box so it won’t tilt when you pick it up by this handle. The middle divider has about 20 little slots designed to hold your screw drivers, chisels and nail punchs. These slots are a variety of widths. They are like vertical holes; you can just drop the chisel straight down into the slot. The other day I was thinking about vise grip pliers, wrenches and other tools that are too thick to drop down into these little slots. I was trying to figure out a way to make some kind of a slot for them. Then they could be placed in a vertical position too, instead of thrown loose into the tool box. EUREAKA! This can easily be done with simple banding metal. With two screws and a piece of flexible banding metal I can design a loop for any size tool I like. Then I can just drop that tool down into its loop, and it can be in a vertical position in the tool box. That way it will take up less room. |
| Nail boxes and Shoe Shine Kits: I have two of those fancy plastic cases with many compartments. One is for my nuts and bolts and screws. The other is for my nails. I like the one for bolts and screws, but I am not content with the one that has my nails in it. The little compartments are not big enough to hold a good supply of nails. And the nails are hard to get out of the compartments. A long time ago I built two boxes to hold my nails. One box was for common nails and one was for finish nails. This was a pretty good system. After a while these two boxes were worn out. That’s when I went with the fancy plastic cases. Now I’m going to build wooden boxes for my nails again. I will build them a little bit better than I did that first time. You learn to do by doing. So I have a couple ideas on how to improve the design. The other day I picked something from the shelf where my shoe shine equipment is stored. I knocked a little shoe shine brush to the floor. This has happened a few times before. I had a bright idea. Why not build myself a small, efficient shoe shine kit? I have owned shoe shine kits before, but they are sort of bulky and inconvenient. Now that I am retired I’m going to be doing some woodwork for a hobby. Why not build myself a shoe shine kit exactly the size and design I want? My third little project will be a roll paper towel dispenser. I HATE those stupid, cheap towel roll dispensers. I know exactly how to build one out of wood, using a heavy dowel rod for the roll. I have always enjoyed woodwork, and I’m pretty good at it. In the next few days I’m going to build these three little projects. I will probably work on them all at one time. That way I can best utilize my lumber. I can do all of the sanding at once. And if I decide to paint or stain them, I can do all of that at one time too. I’m planning to do more woodwork in my retirement years. I have acquired excellent tools along the way. They are pretty well set up in my garage, so that I don’t have to build a separate tool shed. I designed my work benches along one wall. This allows me to get two cars in the garage. Then when I want to use my tools, I simple back one of the cars out into the driveway. |
| Unspoken Communication: It’s a well known fact that a lot of our communication is unspoken. I have even heard experts say that 83% of communication is unspoken. Yes, the words convey a message. But the message “sent” is not usually quite the same as the message “received”. The “interpersonal gap” is the difference between what the speaker meant to convey and what the listener actually perceived. This gap can be huge. But for this present article, that’s not the unspoken communication I am referring to. Recently my wife and I made a long road trip with our son, his wife and our 13 month old grandson. We drove ten hours to attend a family funeral in Virginia. We were involved in all of the emotions attached to such an occasion. Our son’s wife did not know most of the people involved. Then we made a five hour drive down into North Carolina where there would be a second funeral service and the burial. Again, our daughter-n-law did not know most of the people there. Then we spent another night, and then made another ten hour drive back to our home in Mississippi. This is a lot of time together in a van. Add to that the fact that our grand son has been sick with lung congestion for over three weeks. He had just gotten better, then had a relapse. He was not feeling real good for this entire trip. Add to that the normal pressures of work, social obligations and being young parents. It is reasonable to conclude that this was a difficult trip for our son, and especially for his wife. How good is your relationship with your children’s spouses? Ours is very good. Still, you sometimes wonder how they are doing with you. You are always courteous and helpful with each other. You share in the joy of their little boy. Yet on a certain level you wonder if they are happy with the relationship; are they just okay with it; are they just barely tolerating it? I have some of these questions concerning our daughter-n-law. Don’t get me wrong. There is no indication of any stress between us, not even any undercurrents of tension. Still I only see her in the family clan setting. I haven’t gotten to develop a deeper relationship with her. So I can’t be one hundred percent sure how she perceives our relationship. The reason for this speculation is a passing incident that occurred on our trip. My wife and son were in the front seats. My grandson was behind them in an infant seat, attached to one of the captain’s chairs, and his mom was in the captain’s chair next to him. I was in the back seat, lying down getting ready to have a nap. We were about half way home on the final leg of the journey. Our kids would have to pick up their van at our home and travel another hour and a half to their own home. Then they would have to get up the next morning and get off to work. I was thinking how tired they must be, and how difficult it was for their little boy to be sick. My daughter-n-law has a beautiful stack of black curly hair. She put her head down on her arm, and leaned over to take a nap. I was looking at her hair. It covered her face in this position so that I couldn’t see anything but hair. My hand was resting just a few inches from her head. I was thinking that I would like to reach over and place my hand on her head in a gesture of love and comfort. And I was wondering if such a gesture would be accepted and appreciated. Or would it be an invasion of her space? I just wasn’t sure. I thought about it for a little while. I decided that it was the right thing to do. I mean we had all been involved in a grief situation and a lot of emotion and exhausting schedule. I simply put my hand firmly on her head, left it there for maybe six or eight seconds and withdrew it. I didn’t really know what to expect. She didn’t raise her head or respond in any way. That felt pretty good to me. She had received the gesture as it was offered, without words. That could have been the end of it. But it wasn’t. When we got home the kids decided to spend the night and get up early to return to their home. That seemed easier than trying to continue the trip that night. We’re a pretty expressive family. Most of the time when we say hello and goodbye I will give my daughter-n-law a hug. Most of the time we say, “I love you.” Neither of these gestures has to happen every time. We have long since established that we love and appreciate each other. The next morning they were loading up the van and getting ready to head out. My son and grandson had gotten into the van on the driver’s side where I was standing. His wife was on the other side of the van getting ready to get in. Then she turned, walked around the front of the van and gave me a hug. When I released her she didn’t let go. She continued to hold me for maybe six or eight seconds. Then she hopped around to her side and got in the van. This is what I mean by unspoken communication. Her gesture spoke VOLUMES to me! It was the best moment of my day, maybe my whole week. |
| Ice Packs: From time to time I suppose most everyone has used an ice pack on painful muscles that have been sprained or otherwise injured. I remember that a doctor once told me never to use heat. He said that heat only increases swelling. You should only use ice packs. (My apologies to Magic Johnson and the “Icy Hot Sleeve.”) Recently I had an injured muscle in my lower left back and hip. Sure enough I was told to use an ice pack. I know you can buy a variety of great products. You just toss them in the freezer for a while and then place them on the target area. But when the injury is healed I don’t really want to store them. It could be years before I’ll need them again. So I dig around in a cabinet and find an old ice pack. It is basically a plastic container with a cloth cover, for comfort. I think to myself, “Hey, this will work just fine.” I have read the instructions briefly enough to know I’m supposed to leave the ice pack in place for 15 minutes out of every hour for a day or two, until the swelling goes down and the pain subsides. This seems like a pretty bad inconvenience. The ice cubes take a while to deliver the cold to the actual muscle. The ice pack is uncomfortable with those lumpy ice cubes in it. But I bravely make the best of a difficult situation. After all there are plenty of movies I want to watch. For some reason, a few days later, I’m glancing over the directions again. I read the next to last paragraph. It says this: “Make the ice pack by mixing 1/3 pint of rubbing alcohol and 2/3 pints of water in a zip lock bag (double bag to prevent any leaks). Allow several hours for this to freeze. When maximum freezing has occurred, there will be shavings of ice floating in the alcohol. Return the pack to the freezer after each use.” GUESS WHAT…the above directions result in a mushy ice pack! You can mold it comfortably to the aching muscle. It delivers its icy cold temperature immediately! I guess reading the instructions is not such a bad idea after all. |
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