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Legal? Profitable? Rational? Ill-advised? Surreal? Whimsical? Ridiculous? |
| [Introduction] ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
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I stared gloomily out the window of our Rent-A-Penguin shop. Almost noon and not a single customer. My partner, Aria, sighed. |
| "You'd think we would have had one customer by now, don't ya?" I looked over at Steve, hands twirling my hair. He merely nodded and pouted. Blowing some loose strands of hair away from my eyes, I moved away from the window and towards the penguins. Silence greeted me. Even the penguins seemed depressed. I couldn't blame them. They had moved here with a pocket full of hopes and dreams - but so far no one seemed to be interested in renting them. "Ah, cheer up penguins! I'm sure someone will come soon!" I had hoped my little speech would make them happy - but they merely lowered their little heads and dove into the pool. Frowning, I turned to my partner, "How are you holding up, Steve?" |
It almost broke my heart the way Aria was concerned about MY well-being instead of her own. "Look," I said, "I'm sorry I got you into this. I thought it would go over big. Penguins! They're so cute!" Aria smiled at me in that lazy, dreamy way she she sometimes has. I know that mood well. It's the mood that means: Sure, life is tough. Things can be difficult. But I'm not going to let it get me down. I'm going to float above it, like a princess on a cloud. I refuse to panic. Happiness will be mine no matter what happens. Aria's smile turned serious. "Steve, sometimes I think you read too much into my facial expressions." She was right. But I over-analyze everything. It's a fault I'm aware of and as soon as I analyze the source of it (probably some traumatic childhood experience) I intend to correct it. Aria held up an empty fish bucket. "I think the penguins really liked those goldfish. Can you get anymore?" "No, those came from Reggie. Remember him? He started The Goldfish Store? It flopped. He gave me the fish." |
I laughed a little. Yea, I remember Reggie...creepy Reggie. Shivering I tossed the bucket over my head. "Ah, thats ok. We got a few more buckets in the back, so the penguins will be ok for at least a week. And hey, I have some goldfish at home!" Steve gasped, "Are you going to feed your own PETS to the penguins? I can't let you do that!" Again, I merely laughed, "I hate the goldfish...all they do is stare at you with their...their big eyes...and their gaping mouths. They have no souls, so its ok!" Smiling, I walked over the register. Still, no customers have come-but I knew they would. After all, a bumpy start means a HUGE success in the end. It always does. Reaching into a drawer I pulled out two brown bags. "Might as well eat right now." I tossed Steve his lunch as I carefully observed the penguins at my right. They tilted their heads and body from left to right like some weird dance. Looking back at Steve, I noticed he still look depressed. He was just sitting there, staring and picking at his lunch. "Aw, no worries Steve!. You're right, these penguins are cute! I'm pretty sure some people are going to come here real soon. Maybe some rich couple who want to make their daughter happy!" |
"Yeah, I guess so," I said. "After all, it's Christmas! What could be more Christmassy than a penguin? They live at the North Pole with Santa!" Aria frowned. "Um... actually they live at the South Pole with nobody." She was so right. It's the story of my life - always getting some little fact wrong. Well so what? Am I an encyclopedia? I picked some more at my lunch. Damn tunafish salad sandwich again! I felt eyes staring at my back and turned around to see Jake and Martha and little Cookie gazing at me from the Penguin Room. I resisted the urge to give them my sandwich. Aria doesn't like it when I give the penguins human food. She thinks human food is full of carcinogens and toxic chemicals. Yeah, that really sparks up my appetite. It felt like a good time to ask Aria about my latest ad gimmick. "You know... Aria... maybe we should make a poster to hang in the window. Something about Christmas and renting a penguin for your kid. Got any ideas?" |
| "Well...you know..even if Penguins live in the south pole, not a lot of people know that!" I grinned at Steve, pausing only to take a bite out of my enchilada. Mexican food is the way to go when working with penguins. "And you said so yourself! It IS the holidays! We can make a poster with Santa! Giving penguins to little children! He can say something catchy too." Steve got this silly grin on his face-and I could almost see the gears turning in his head. "You're right Aria. Not a lot of people know that penguins live in the south pole! And if some scrooge points that out, we'll just say 'Come on buddy, its the holidays!" "There you go! I say, thats what we do Steve...oh, and stop taunting the penguins with your sandwich! Its human food, not penguin food!" |
Aria had set the gears to turning in my head. it was a bit painful but my feeling is "whatever helps you think" - right? I immediately latched onto the fact that penguins like water. "Yo, Aria," I said. "What, Rocky?" she replied. We both chuckled. It was an old joke between us but one that we had revived because the new "Rocky Balboa" movie was opening soon. I got serious. "Here's an idea... Penguins like water. And well-to-do people with enough money to rent a penguin have swimming pools. Now nobody swims in the winter, right? So our gimmick is why waste all that pool space? Put a penguin in it! Get some use out of your pool in the wintertime!" Aria nodded thoughtfully. "Not bad..." "And since you don't want a penguin all year round... you have to RENT a penguin just for the winter! Good idea, huh?" "No, bad idea. I meant my enchilada wasn't bad. It was a great enchilada. But your "penguin in the pool" idea sucks." "But whyyyy?" "Penguin poop." I thought for a moment. The Dynamic Damsel was right again. A pool full of penguin poop might annoy people. Still... "But, Aria, people's children poop in the pool, don't they? The filters take care of that." Aria licked the last bit of sauce off her fingers. "I'm not denying there may be an occasional kiddy kaka released into a pool, but 24 hours a day of endless pooping? I think not." I clicked my tongue. "You're right, you're right. Back to the poster... Should Santa hug and kiss the penguin?" |
| Sticking my tounge out, I urged the gears in MY head to start turning. "I think he should be patting their heads and the penguins should be holding presents." "But Ariaaaa! Why not hugs and kisses?" I laughed a little, "It be WAY too cute. It look like we where...trying too hard you know? Sucking up and such." Steve frowned and lowered his hat over his eyes. "But a lot of other companies do that..." I nodded, even if I knew he couldn't see me. "Yea, but they've established themselves already,so people like it when they suck up. But its ok! That poster idea is pure gold I tell ya!" I turned away from Steve and walked towards the penguins--who where still looking quite sad. Grinning, I started to march around their little pool, "Listen men! We have come up with an AWESOME IDEA! We are going to launch a poster of santa claus petting penguins! After people see the poster, they'll be begging us for penguins like nobody's bussiness. Now, being a painter, I'll need a few penguins to model for me." I paused, a smile on my face. I had them right where I want them. "So whose with me?" All the penguins started jumping and doing those cute little noises. I love those guys. When I was sure I had their approval, I turned back to Steve. "You know...I need a reference for Santa as well..." |
"Well don't look at ME! Do I have a belly like a bowl full of jelly?" Aria raised her eyebrows. "Well..." "No!" I said. "I'm as sleek as a penguin. Okay... maybe not quite THAT sleek, but I'm sleek, baby. I am sleeeeeek." Aria rolled her eyes. "Right. Mister Sleek." I put my palms together. "Sooo... you are going to paint the poster? That's great! I like the way you draw penguins. I'll tell you what. I'll be the model for Santa. You're an artist so you can add the extra pounds when you draw me. Now... who shall I be petting? Who's my little favorite penguin now?" Cookie backed away. Ever since I stepped on her foot she's been avoiding me. I didn't want to pet Jake. He bites. "Hey, Aria! Where's that new penguin? What did we name him?" |
| I laughed. Jake was a real spitfire. It would be mean of me to have Steve pet him. "The new penguin? I named him..." I blushed and looked down at my feet, "I named him...Endymion...um...Endy...for...short." Seconds passed and Steve said not a word. Of course, its always calm before the storm. Suddenly Steve began to laugh, and laugh and laugh until his entire face was red. Tears streamed down his cheeks and I honestly regretted telling him the penguins name. "You...heh, you named him after a SHEPARD??!" I frowned and crossed my arms, "A shepard that was loved by the MOON GODDESS!" Again, Steve burst into laughter, and I had to wait a whole ten minutes before he could speak again. "Aw come on Steve! He's so sweet and cuddly, and great to work with! He'll be great for petting. You'll like him, I promise" "Aria has a boyfriend, Aria has a boyfriend!" |
Laughter rolled through me like an earthquake, shaking me from my nose to my toes. "Excuse me," I gasped and headed for the john. In the rest room I looked in the mirror at my red face and wet eyes. I was still trembling a bit but the major shaking was over. I snapped open my pill case and swallowed an antilaff pill. Thirty seconds later my face was calm, cool, and collected. The new pills were great - Mister Micky's Get Serious Now! chewable tablets - and so reasonable, only $2 for 12 at WalMart. Aria was in the Penguin Room playing jump rope with Endymion, Jake, and Cookie. Penguins love to play jump rope. Aria was doing the chanting: "One potato, two potato, three potato, four!" The rope caught on one of Cookie's big feet and flipped her over. Some loud squawking, but she bounced back upright like an inflatable punch doll. I was going to join them but the phone ring. |
| I could barely hear the phone ring over Cookie's loud squawking. Cookie was such a drama queen sometimes-but she was still a sweetheart. I watched as Steve picked up the phone a bit to calmly. I frowned. Calm Steve-that could only be a side affect of those darn pills he bought at Wal-mart! His lips where moving, but thanks to the fighting penguins I couldn't hear a thing. "Endy, Jake, Cookie, QUIET!" Though the whisper was a little harsh, they obeyed me. I smiled at them as they huddled around me. Petting them, I listened in on the conversation, "Why, yes we do. Of course...Yes...No, never...I understand..." His face was SO stoic.Rocking back and forth on my butt, I bit my tounge until I drew blood. Finally, Steve hung up the phone and I felt my lungs begging for air. "Aria, you'll never guss who that was!" |
"Santa Claus?" Aria said. "No! Not the Ho Ho Man, but you're very close. Want to guess again?" "No, just tell me." "Aw, come on... Guess!" Aria shrugged. "George Bush? Paris Hilton? Mister Micky?" "No, it was Matilda Whackamole and she wants to rent a penguin." "Great!" It was good to see Aria really happy again. She gets depressed when we are going broke. Not me. I just laugh, laugh, laugh. Sometimes I laugh a little too much. Then I have to take a Mister Micky pill. They really focus me and take my mind off of hijinks and hilarity. I rubbed my hands together. "Now, let's see... Who shall we rent to Matilda Whackmeyer? It's for a birthday part - 14 kids. She thought a couple of penguins would make it special. Perhaps Endy and Jake? What do you think?" |
| "...First...how is Mrs. Whackmeyer close to Santa Claus?" Steve opened his mouth to speak-but nothing came out. His face scrunched up, tounge sticking out. "You know...I don't know why...but who cares! We finally have a customer!" I nodded vigorously, a silly grin on my face. We finally had a customer. I looked over at the penguins who where sliding around on their bellies. "Well...I guess all we have to do now is pick...I am 100% sure that we should send Endymion.." Steve started to giggle a little bit. The pills must be wearing off. I frowned a little, "I don't know about Jake...he bites rememember? "Oh yea..." He winced and shook out his hand, "Man he leaves some nasty bruises he does. Cookie is overly dramatic. So I don't know..." I sighed, knowing that what I was about to say would probably cause Steve to go into another fit of giggles. "Look theres this really nice penguin...nicer then Endy even." "Yea? one of the new ones?" "Yes.." "Great! Whats his name?" I exhaled, "HER name is...Serenity." Steve just stared at me for a while. His lips curled into a teasing smile and he let a laugh or two escape. "As anyone ever told you that you are WAY too old to be watching Sailor Moon??" |
Aria shrugged. "I just don't care anymore. I have to watch Sailor Moon so it's not like I could choose not to watch it." "You HAVE to watch it?" "Yes, Steve, I do. I'll get very sick if I don't watch it. It's keeping me alive." "Okay... if you say so. Oh, you asked how Matilda Whackamole is close to Santa Claus? It's very simpe. She has a belly like a bowl full of jelly. Ho ho ho! Hahahahahaha! *gasp* My pills! I need my antilaff pills!" Fortunately, I was able to find my antilaffant pills before I busted my gut or split my pants. When the nice chemical calmed me I asked Aria: "So we'll send Endy and Serenity to the Whackamole birthday party? Good. Do you want to drive them over or shall I?" |
| "Well I think--hey wait! She needs to come down HERE so we can teach her how to take care of them...or is the driver also going to stay at the party?" Steve opened and closed his mouth like a fish. Transalation-he had no clue. "heh, I get ya Steve, I get ya. I think that to be on the safe side the driver should also stay and supervise the party." "Aw, but Aria! I don't want to go alone!" I sighed, "Yea. I think both of us should go....one to keep an eye on the penguins, and the other to keep an eye on the kids. Cause they're trouble makers." "Good idea. But then, who would take care of the shop?" "Thats the problem, isn't it? We can't just leave the shope alone. We would need someone to come down here and supervise the other penguins while we're at the party." "And not an orca?" I smirked and rolled my eyes,"Oh yea...not an Orca. I do have one person in mind." |
Aria was acting weird again so I made a quick decision. "I will take Endy and Serinity to Matilda Whackamole's party and YOU will stay here and mind the store. This is our busy season. Someone has to be at the phone." Aria pulled her head back, tilted it down, clenched her brow, and looked fiercely at me. "What busy season!? If it wasn't for Matilda Whack-a-whatsit we wouldn't have any business at all." "Yeah, yeah, be all pessimistic. Can't you have a positive attitude? The first step to being successful is to believe you are." Aria shook her head. "That sounds like the first step to a delusional personality." "Reality is for people who want to feel miserable. A good delusion can bring happiness and joy. Where's the beak wax? I want to get Endy and Serenity shined up and sparkling for the party." |
| Steve smirked at me and though I was planning on throwing a shoe his way-I had to laugh. Having a negative attitude won't do any good. "I have some beak wax in my pocket. You go and get Serenity. I'll stay here and work on Endymion first. Take Jake and Cookie with you." And with that, Steve's smile faded. Gingerly he lead the penguins to the back by their wings. Lucky for him, Jake was full of fish and treats. I turned towards Endy, laughing at his quizzical look. "Now, Endy you've been rented out to a nice-if not oddly named-woman. Along with Serenity" He nodded as I took out the beak wax. Taking a small rag out of my pockets, I dipped it into the wax and gently cleaned Endy's beak. Endymion merely closed his eyes and purred. "Well, here's Endymions partner in crime." Serenity waddled next to me, beak gently nuzzling my sweater. "Heh, it'll be your turn soon enough, Sere. By the way Steve, when are you going to drop them off?" "Oh, about an hour or so." "Yea? when will you be back?" "Mmmm...I don't know...the longer we stay the more dough though!" "Of course. Just remember...no sugar for you." I could hear the pout in his frown, but it was for the best. After all we wouldn't want to scar anyone else for life. "Fine, fine no sugar." "Good. Hey...what do you say we put little costumes on them? or santa hats?" |
"Santa hats! Great idea! Do we have any Santa hats?" Aria shrugged. "I don't think so. Can you stop by the dollar store on your way?" An hour later I was parking the van in Mrs Whackamole's driveway. Seeing the kids playing tag in the yard set Endy and Serenity to squawking. The kids immediately ran over. "Wow! Is that a penguin? What's his name?" I told them and by then Matilda Whackamole had appeared. We stood watching Endy and Serenity play tags with the kids. It was a pleasant moment. Unfortunately, the pleasantness ended abruptly when little Gina tagged Endy and he whirled around and clamped his beak on her fingers. "My God!" screamed Mrs Whackamole. "You didn't tell me they were vicious!" |
| "Oh...Steve hasn't called. I don't know if thats a good sign or a bad one." I stood over the small pool in the back, supervising Cookie, Jake, and Chibi Chibi our youngest penguin. "Although, I don't know WHY I'm supervising you guys.Its not like you'll drown or something." The pengunins just bobbed their heads. Smiling I stood up and headed towards the storage room. "I might as well get started on the painting. I can pencil Steve in later." As the door to the closet opened, I heard someone slam the front door. "Steve is that you?" Entering the front of the store, my eyes quickly fell on my bussiness partner. "OH my...what in the world happened?!" |
I slapped Endy on the back of the head and he released Gina's hand, but now he was angry and he headed straight for me, beak open, squawking like a... like an enraged penguin. (Metaphors don't come quickly to mind when I am being pecked to death.) Fortunately, Mrs Whackamole was a quick thinker and grabbed the garden hose. A blast of water sent Endy running toward the van. I whistled for Serenity and praised her for being so good. Once I had the birds in the van I praised Mrs Whackamole for her help, hoping she wouldn't sue us, but she seemd to think it was funny. "Like an insane wedding cake groom," she said. "Huh?" I had no idea what she was talking about. She laughed. "The metaphor you were looking for?" "Oh, sure. Thanks!" Lousy metaphor, but I was glad she wasn't upset. "Well... see you later. Call us again if you need a penguin. No charge for today, of course." "Of course," she said. Back at the shop, Serenity hopped out of the van but Endy was still in a foul mood. When Aria saw us stumble in, she gasped. "Oh my... what in the world happened?" "Your precious Endy tried to eat a child." |
| I gasped again-Endy...MY ENDY?! "Steve...thats, thats not possible! Endy would never intentionally hurt a child." |
"Not only did he attack a child but he came after me! ME! The penguin master! I think you better tell me the story of where you found Endymion. I don't see anything in the books about any cash being paid for him. If you recall I was out sick the day you put him in the penguin room. So maybe I better hear just how it all happened." |
| I bit my lip-Busted! Sighing, I motioned for Endy to come to me. He waddled over, head low, flippers gently flapping as if to apologize. Smiling a placed my hand on his back, soothing him. "Well?" "Ok, ok. I didn't BUY him. In fact, I never really meant to get him. I was walking around one day...and...I heard this noise from the alley. I ducked inside it, and to my eternal surprised Endymion was there...crying." I looked up and nearly broke down into laughter at the face Steve was making. "I felt sorry for him so...I...heh....I picked him up and brought him over here....Good yes?" |
"You STOLE a penguin?! Do you have ANY idea what the punishment for that crime is? We have to get him back to his owner right away! My God! They may already have search teams out combing the neighborhood. It's only a matter of time before we go down in a hail of gunfire, victims of an overactive SWAT team. What were you THINKING?!" |
| I quickly moved to my partners side and slapped him in the back of the head-not hard, but enough for him to be quiet. "I did NOT steal a penguin! He was abandoned! The poor little boy!" I clicked my tounge and instanly, Endy dove under my arm, eyes full of adoration and forgivness. "He tried to eat a child!" "Did he leave a bruise? A bitemark? What?" "just a tiny red mark! but still!" "Oh, lets give him another chance! Please?" I did my famous puppy dog eyes routine...and hoped for the best. |
"Ohhhh... all right, we'll give Endy one more chance. Maybe he was just a little nervous." Aria clapped her hands. "Oh goody! I'm so happy now... and I can stop making these puppydog eyes. It's giving me a headache." "Is that what you were doing? I thought maybe you forgot your glasses again.... Hey! I've got an idea." Aria looked at me with expectant eyes. "Yes?" Even the penguins looked at me with expectant eyes. I paused for dramatic effect and then announced: "A PENGUIN PARADE!" All the eyes remained expectant, then became puzzled and perplexed. "A parade?" said Aria. "What kind of parade?" "We'll march them down the sidewalk. What could be cuter than a line of marching penguins? And you and I will hand out flyers and we can wear signs. What do you think?" |
| " Of course nothing is cuter! Steve you really outdone yourself!" Clapping I hugged Endy and twirled him around. I let him go free after I heard, what I thought was gagging noises. No one likes penguins barf. "First, we'll need permission from the city. I can do that lickety split since I have a friend thats "in" with the "in" crowd." "...What?" I laughed at Steve's confused look, " A friend of mine is close to the mayor. I'll give her a call right now. YOU decide what penguins we take and which are the more child friendly. Also, I'll start working on the poster...so you should look for a santa outfit!" "ho, ho, ho!" |
| By Saturday morning we had all our ducks in a row - I mean all our penguins in line. We decided to march them all. There would be no penguin left behind. They looked sharp in their tuxedoes lined up on the sidewalk. Jake was the leader because he's the biggest, then Endy, Martha, Serenity, Sam, little Cookie, and tiny Chibi Chibi. "All right, gang," I said. "Let's waddle!" Aria led Jake down the sidewalk and I was the caboose. I wore a big sign on my back: "Rent a penguin! Low rates! Satisfaction guaranteed!" The sun was shining. I was smiling. It was a wonderful day until we passed the Pet Shop, the one with dozens of big aquariums full of expensive tropical fish. |
| As we passed the pet store, I turned around, facing then penguins. Quietly--but rather harshly--I whispered, "Don't you even THINK about it! You will get food when we get back! Touch one fish here..." I trailed off, seeing that they moved their heads away from the window of the store. Smiling, I looked up to catch Steve's eye's when I noticed something... "1, 2, 3, 4, 5..." I paled, "um...Steve...where is...chibi chibi?" "Who, what it now?" "Our littlest penguin where-" "MY FISH! MY FISH!" |
I knew instantly where Chibi Chibi must be because their was a lot of screaming coming from the Pet Shop. "Aria! You keep the penguins out here! I'll go in!" Aria clasped my hand. "Good luck! And be safe!" "Thanks!" I adjusted my cap and leaped into the store. I could hear splashing and sure enough, there was Chibi Chibi swimming in a tank full of colorful fish while the store owner swung at him with a broom. It's amazing how quickly a penguin can gobble up fish. When Chibi Chibi saw me he rocketed up out of the tank, slid 20 feet across the store floor on his belly, and quickly rejoined the band of penguins outside. I gave the store owner my credit card. "I... um... would like to buy the fish that my penguin just ate. Heh-heh..." |
| "Chibi chibi! You ate a whole bucket of fish before we paraded!" the little penguin merely looked at me, confused. "Oh, Chibi chibi....lets hope those fishes wheren't very valuable ne?" It wasn't long before Steve came back out...cap barely on, face pale, and eyes wide. "Oh man...they where really expensive wheren't they?" Steve said nothing. His mouth opened and closed like a fish but no sound came out. He did an excellent fish interpretation. So much so that I had to remind the penguins that...Steve wasn't a fish. "Steve come on man! Your totally freaking me out! SAY SOMETHING!" "...the guy at the store gave me a huge discount..." "Steve thats great!" "NO! NOT GREAT!" The penguins. We were all thinking the same thing..."Steve is off his rocker." "Why is not great?" "CAUSE HE WANTS ME TO TAKE HIS SISTER OUT ON A DATE!" |
Aria crinkled her brow. "Date his sister? What kind of strange request is that? Do you know him?" "I never saw him before. Or his sister. Oh well. If it will save us some money, why not?" "But, Steve, why in the world would he want you to date his sister?" "I don't know. I guess I just look like a nice attractive guy and his sister is lonely and he thought he'd help her out." Aria shook her head. "No, no, no, that can't possibly be it. In the first place he doesn't even know you. You could be a serial killer. And in the second place you're not a nice attractive guy." "Hmmm... You made two good points. So now I'm wondering. Why DOES he want me to date his sister? Any ideas?" |
| "....Maybe she's a goth girl who is really REALLY lonely and no one else wanted to date her so he chose you!" Steve lost all color when I said this, "...what?!" "Ok, ok, maybe she is a cheerleader...I'm telling you though....she is going to have one major flaw." I saw him nodding out of the corner of my eyes. Smiling, I once again turn to Chibi Chibi, "You see what you got Steve into?" He merely shook his wings and smiled. If penguins can smile I suppose. "What am I going to do?! What will I say? What will I do?! WHERE WILL I TAKE HER!?" "STEVE! Your upsetting the penguins and potential clients!" I smiled at a lady that was walking by as I handed her a poster. She just looked at me and Steve like we where crazy. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry Aria...I just don't know what to do!" "don't you worry Stevie...I'll help you so you don't make a fool out of yourself!" |
"Oh thanks. Help from the person who falls down the stairs at least once a week. But okay, I'll take any help I can get. He said he'll call me tonight about it. Look out!" Aria had been walking backwards to talk to me (we're leading a line of penguins down the sidewalk, remember?) and she backed into a fat man and almost knocked him over. Fortunately, he was so large that a dump truck backing into him would have trouble knocking him over. "Oops!" said Aria. The fat man took her arm to steady her. "I'm so sorry, young lady. Please allow me to introduce myself..." |
| I stared. My eyes could not be wider and my mouth nearly dropped out of my face. My God that guy looks so much like Santa. I saw his lips moving. He was obviously saying something but I couldn't hear a word. But boy, oh boy was he huge! How much did this guy eat? "Miss? Miss did you hear everything I just said?" "huh? What?! Oh yea, sure, of course." "...Then your answer is?" I don't know why I said yes, but I did. It wasn't until he left that I realized that I had no clue to what I had just agreed to. "STEVE! OH MY GOD! What did I say yes too?" Steve smiled-a cocky smiled. I went pale and nearly wailed. "TELL ME I DID NOT AGREE TO SEE THAT GUY ROMANTICALLY!" "WHAT?! No of course not!" He laughed, " Although that would have been SOO funny!" "Gah! EW! Steve!" Pushing the penguins out of the I glared into his eyes. "Steve Nancy Ellen, you tell me this minute what I said yes to!" |
"That was Mr Moneybags from the Monopoly game." "Huh?" "You know... the little guy in the top hat?" Aria frowned. "Steve, that guy was not little. He was big as a Lincoln Navigator." "He looked like the model for the figurine. I think I'll grow one of those big snow-white walrus moustaches." "Quit fantasizing about your facial hair and tell me what I said 'yes' to!" "He just asked you if you could forgive him for being in your way." Aria shrugged. "I should have asked him if he wanted to rent a penguin." "Yeah, I didn't think of that either. Maybe I can catch up with him. Look! He's just now turning the corner. Wait here with the penguins. I'll chase him down." |
| " Oh sure! Leave me here again alone with the penguins!" I turned to the penguins, laughing nervously, "Not that I hate you guys or anything. I love you all...but maybe I wanted to chase after the walrus guy...I didn't but he could have asked!" Chibi Chibi and Endy nodded. Serenity just flapped her wings and purred at some random stanger. I advised the penguins to look cute and purr a lot. A lot of people where taking posters and I had high hopes for the future. As I handed the last of the posters, something ran into and knocked me down... |
I caught up with the fat man at the corner of Serendipity and Main. "Hey, mister! Wait! I have something wonderful to tell you!" "Wonderful?" He had a bit of a German accent so it sounded like "Vunderful?" "Yes. This may be your lucky day. I rent penguins. You can make your next dinner party a unique experience with penguins! They are delightful and charming and never fail to amuse." He scratched his chin. "Hmmmm... Maybe you might be talking something there. So these penguins... tricks they do?" "Uh... no, not really any trick tricks, but just their natural behavior is very entertaining." "Vell, it's something to try. Here's my card. My assistant, Miss Purdybottom, will arrange the details with you." "Thank you!" I glanced at his card. "Thank you, Mister Moneybags!" Geez, who would have thought that would be his real name? The coincidence was a good omen, I thought. I raced back to Aria with the good news. Who was she talking to? |
| "HEY!" "Oh, I am so sorry!" "Oh...thats ok." I got up easily, dusting my jeans and shirt. I looked up to see a fairly young girl, perhaps my age looking at me nervously. "Reall, I am SO sorry-" "Nah, thats ok. Its fine." She smiled and then nodded at the penguins, "Those are some pretty cute penguins." "Oh, heh, thank you!" Akward silence followed as we continued to stare at each other. For some reason, this girl seemed to know more then she let on. There was a crazy glint in her eyes--one that I didn't much care for. "Well...sorry again. I have to, uh, go inside this store to meet my brother. See ya!" |
| Aria was dusting herself off when I reached her. "Who were you talking to, Aria?" "Oh, just some girl with a crazy glint in her eyes who ran into me and knocked me over and then stared at me for a moment." "I once knew a girl who had a crazy glint in her eyes." "Yeah? Where was that?" "In a land far away in a time almost forgotten now there once lived- " "Wait! This isn't going to be one of your long boring 'imaginative' stories, is it?" "It could have been... Oh look. Your crazy-eyed friend is staring at us through the store window." |
| "Through the PET store window...Steve...I think that girl is your date!" Steve looked at me,then at the girl. Me, girl, me girl. It lasted only for a few minutes before he started blushing like mad and rushed the penguins and I back to the store. "Well...she's not Ugly...I don't know if she's crazy or not though" "Well,no..um, not ugly...(laugh) yea, um not ugly...uh fishes and..." My eyes widen. Steve was blushing so much that a tomato looked white by comparison. The penguins gathered around him, each one lightly pecking at him to grab his attention but he kept on stammering. "Steve...when was the last time you where on a date?" |
"Oh... haha... it's not what you think. Cookie keeps sticking her beak where she shouldn't. Cookie! Stop that! You're worse than a dog." Aria grabbed Cookie. "Go say hello to your date, Steve." "Well, we're not sure that's who she is, but I'll go in and check." I walked into the store and over to the girl staring out the window. She looked at me and said, "Penguins! I love penguins!" "That's great," I said, "because I am a penguin master and have seven of them. I could see she was impressed by the way she said, "Oooooooooo!" "Are you the sister of the Pet Shop owner?" "Yes." "I'm Steve." "I'm Judy, your date." She was actually kind of cute. Short hair, small but curvy body, nice smile. Her eyes were a little spooky with all those glints in them, but nobody is perfect. "Would you like to pet my penguin?" She grinned. "On our first date?" "Sure, why wait. Especially since all seven of them are out there staring at all these fish in here." She pointed at Aria. "Is that your wife?" "My wife! Hahahahaha! How could I go on a date with you if that was my wife? I don't have a wife. Everything is okay. That's Aria, my business partner and friend." "Oh. She seems nice." "She IS nice. Come on and I'll introduce you." |
| I felt my eyes twicth as Steve brought over his date. The penguins merely continued to oggle the fish, and I had to hold on tight to chibi chibis flipper so he woudn't escape. "Aria, Meet Judy. Judy, Aria" I extended my hand out, "Hi Judy" "Hi Aria...I'm so glad to meet you...and REALLY glad your not attached to Steve in a romantic way!" "Um...yea...me too..." She smiled at me. I simply nodded. "Aw, that guy your holding is SOOO CUTE!" "HE's the one responsible for you date." "Oh, well, guess I should thank him!" |
Chibi Chibi didn't mind being passed around like a football. He loved the attention. I kicked Cookie away before she could surprise Judy with an unexpected beak nuzzling. All the penguins were getting restless. They were waddling around in circles. "C'mon, Judy, and join our parade. We're taking the birds for a walk down Main Street." Laughing and squawking, depending on whether we had feathers or not, we resumed our march, three humans and seven penguins, enough to found a post-apocalyptic colony in Antartica and replenish the earth. Judy asked Aria, "Why penguins? Did you think about renting anything else before you chose penguins?" |
"I wanted Tigers...but no one can own tiger cubs unless they have a billion degrees and such. that and they grow to big tigers and they are just too impractical." "What about you Steve?" "I wanted Elephants!...but Aria quickly squashed that dream." I could see Steve pouting from the corner of my eyes. I could also see Judy looking at me in a way I didn't much care for. "Aw, poor Stevie. I would have let you have your elephants!" |
"We also considered sharks. At the time there was a wave of unwanted pool crashing going on. Mostly teens, of course. They would just roam through the neighborhood swimming wherever they pleased. You could come home from work to find your yard had been invaded, your pool tainted with teen sweat and God knows what else. Some people had to drain their pools and refill them before they were willing to use them again. Think of how useful a shark would be. Just let him swim in your pool while you were away. No one would dare to use your pool. Unfortunately, we couldn't think of any way to allow the pool owner to swim in his pool either. And then there was the anteater experiment. Remember the anteaters, Aria?" |
| "NO! SO...many ants...no more mommy no more!" I quickly covered my mouth and blushed. Judy, Steve, and all the penguins just stared at me akwardly. "I mean...heh, yea of course I do! how could I not nancy? So glad we abandoned that plan. We also had a parrot plan. But no one seemed to want a bird who didn't know when to shut its yap. There was also the just as equally succesful koala plan...but have you EVER been clawed by one? Ouch thats all I have to say." "So...then, how DID you come across penguins?" "Funny story really...It was a dark and boring night..." |
| "... the wind was not howling: there was no storm outside: it really wasn't cold enough to light a fire in the fireplace. Worst of all: nothing but reruns on TV. It looked like sleep was about the most exciting thing to do... but then a tiny sound entered my consciousness. It was like the chirp of a cricket, but really tiny and far away. Brrrp... brrrp! I walked around the house trying to locate the cricket. Brrrp... brrrp! But I couldn't find it. Outside? I got my flashlight. In the yard the sound was a bit louder. Over by the oak tree? Yes! A cricket! I stomped him flat with my heavy hiking boot. I went back inside, but the hunting of the cricket had been the highlight of the evening, so I went to bed. I dreamed about the cricket. In the dream he was as big as me and could talk. He asked me if I liked Elvis Presley and I said I had never thought much about it although I knew who Elvis was. Then the cricket sang "Love Me Tender" the way Elvis sang it. I was impressed and strangely moved. I told the cricket I was very sorry I had killed him. There is something you can do, said the cricket, to make amends, to make everything right again. What, I asked. I'll do anything. Save the whales, said the cricket. No, I said. Anything but that. I hate whales. They are way too large and I just don't see the fun of them. As far as I'm concerned, let them become extinct. The cricket was sad about that and started to tune up his guitar for another song. Wait, I said. How about the penguins? What with global warming and the melting of Antartica, aren't they threatened? Yes, said the cricket, but not like the whales. I hate whales. The cricket threw down his guitar. So save the penguins, then. Obviously the Animal Kingdom is lucky you're willing to save anything at all. I woke up in a sweat. Could I really save the penguins? Then I got to thinking. Hmmm, maybe there is some money to be made here. And fortunately, my buddy Aria is also an environmentalist like me. The rest of the story is recent history." |
| "Oh! Thats so kind of you!" "Yes, that WAS rather kind of me, Judy." I simply rolled my eyes. "He didn't mention that the next day we did find an impossibly small guitar next to his bed...sadly we also found a small leg..." "Thats just your imagination Aria!" "NO! I did not imagine that. It was as real as that clown over there! The one with the red and orange aura with the floating whales above his head!" |
For a moment I thought I actually saw the clown, but I shook my head vigorously and my vision cleared. Sometimes Aria's hallucinations become so strong that they are just a hair from becoming real. That would be a frightening thought if it wasn't for Aria being such a gentle person. Her visions are never threatening. Who couldn't like a clown? Okay, yes, I've seen the psycho clown movies, but that's the movies. I'm sure real clowns are just nice ordinary people who like to wear red rubber noses, fright wigs, floppy shoes, and squirt each other with water. Judy touched my arm. "Steve? You didn't really kill the little cricket, did you?" The memory flashed in my mind of his last chirp as my boot came down for the final squash, but I said, "Of course not! Haha! It just made a good story. Sex and violence, you know." Judy squeezed my arm. "I'm glad you didn't kill him. But there wasn't much sex in your story." I put my hand over hers and smiled. "The story's not over yet." Aria cleared her throat. "Ahem. We've handed out all the flyers, Steve. Is the parade over?" It was getting close to lunch time. "Sure. Let's take the penguins back and then the three of us can grab some lunch. What do you want to eat?" |
| "Well, I vote for Italian!" "But Ariaaaa! They have plastic over their furniture!" "American Italian Steve...last time I took you to an authentic Italian place you got terrible heartburn...don't you remember?" "Oh yea...so does my doctor. Lets not have that again." "Oh I love Pizza!" I laughed, "So do I Judy." I looked over at the penguins smiling, "Of course we have to drop off these little guys first because they aren't allowed at restaraunts and second...because of that one incident..." "Oh yea...heh, where Jake tried to peck at that-" "NO! Don't say it! Its too...painful!" I put my hand to my head, and posed dramatically for effect. Judy simply nodded and Steve rolled his eyes. "Really, you should be a drama teacher or something." |
We waddled back to the shop. Well, some of us waddled, some of us strolled. Judy was impressed by the penguin room. "Wow, Steve, you even have little artificial icebergs for them and it's so cold in there!" Aria closed the gate. "We want them to be happy." "And the cold air keeps the smell down," I added. "Now, let's go to Luigi's and get some lunch." Luigi himself came to our table. "Ah, itsa Steve and Aria, my favorite customers. Anda their beautiful friend. What would you like today?" |
| "Well, you know my usual Luigi..." "Of coursa! Lasagna, 2 pizza slices, meatballs, cheesbread with extra marinara sauce and some alfredo pasta!Mama mia." "Amen Luigs." I turned to Steve and Judy. Steve simply smiled and shook his head, "You do realize that you won't be able to eat for days right?" "Life is short, Steve..." "WOW! I can't believe you can eat all that Aria! heh, you surprise me!" "Why thank you, Judy. I do love surprising people." "What will you have Stevie?" "A meatball sub." "And the young-a lady?" "Oh, I'll have the same!" Its then that judy started to giggle. A school girl giggle... |
At first Judy's giggling amused me, as giggling should. But as it continued on for longer than a TV commercial, I became uncomfortable. I glanced at Aria and she gestured toward my pocket. I knew what she meant. I slipped a capsule of Antilaff in Judy's glass of water. I know, I know, I should have been more straightforward and offered it to her, but I was flustered from all that giggling. I was afraid she was giggling so much that she would just refuse and the situation had become critical with people turning in their chairs to see what was going on at our table. "Here, Judy," I said. "Better drink some water. Haha!" She took a sip, then a gulp, and the transformation was instantaneous. Her face relaxed and she wiped her eyes with her napkin. "Excuse me," she said. "I don't know what came over me. I don't usually giggle like that. I giggle... but not like that." "That's alright," Aria said. "Maybe you got a penguin feather up your nose." For a moment I was afraid Judy would start giggling again. I made a stern gesture at Aria meaning no more jokes! but Aria ignored me. "Once," she said, "I giggled so much I blew milk out of my nose. Did you ever do that?" "Oh God yes!" said Judy, and I could see the slight quivering in her shoulders that precedes a giggle so I slapped her on the back. She spat her water out on the table and started coughing. "Are you okay?" I asked. "You seemed to be choking..." "Well, I am now!" she gasped. Apparently some water went down her windpipe when I slapped her. I patted her back some more until she stopped coughing. Luigi appeared. "Is uh everything okay here?" "Sure! We're just excited about that good food we're going to eat." "Thatsa good. Itsa coming soon." |
| "Aw, don't worry about Steve Judy...see its...uh...a South Carolina tradition so pat people like that! It means he likes you! A LOT!" Judy's glare softened and she looked at me, hope in her eyes, "Really?" "Psh, oh yea, trust me. I don't lie." Thats when I felt a horrible pain in my foot. I girmaced but quickly got over it. I looked over at Steve and found him with a silly grin on his face. "You know whats a BIGGER expression of love in his state?" "No, what?" "You ever see that Disney movie? With bongo the bear?" "Yea?" "Well...a girl has to SLAP teh guy, not too hard, but not too easy to show her love!" |
Judy laughed. "Oh, I couldn't slap anyone. I'm just too nice for that." I patted her back some more. "You certainly are." She shrugged away from me. "That's enough patting, Steve. Now that I know it means you want to marry me I think I should discourage it." "That's not what it means! Aria!" I glared at my business partner. "Oh," she said. "I thought that's what it meant. I could be wrong." I grabbed the menu. "What did I order?" "A meatball sub. Heh-heh. Meatball." Aria was getting on my nerves. I knew how to get on hers real quick. Just bad mouth Sailor Moon. But I knew if Aria and I got into one of our Sailor Moon shouting matches then Judy would think I was weird. I was, of course, but that isn't something you want to reveal on a first date. The silence was getting oppressive. I thought about playing Itsy Bitsy Spider on Judy's hair, but that seemed tainted with weirdness to me. Judy broke the silence. "I like rain," she said. I glanced at the window. Nope, no rain, just sunshine. I looked at Aria. |
| "I like rain too. So...calming..." "I know just what you mean! I love standing outside when it rains and just...letting the rain engulf you!" I laughed with Judy, trying to liven the mood. I would never admit it, but I felt sorry for giving Judy a wrong idea abuot my bussiness partner. "Judy, you sound like a very intelligent woman...I'm glad we both know we where joking about that back rubbing thing." At first Judy looked at me oddly. I admit, it was not the most subtle thing in the world, what I said. But I was a woman, damn it. I knew how to fix things. "Heh, I was afraid you wouldn't catch that joke about South Carolina, but you caught it and ran with it!" Judy, finally got my meaning and started to nod. "OH yes, of course! I've heard that hundreds of times now!" She smiled at Steve. Steve smiled at me, and I knew that my Sailor Moon lunchbox was safe... |
Once again happiness filled our little kingdom of three. I was the king, of course. But I noticed a guy in his early twenties looking at Aria and then he came over to our table. "Aria?" Aria looked at him in a puzzled, confused way. He laughed and said, "Aria! Don't you remember me?" |
| I laughed too, even if I had no clue who the guy was. I looked over at Steve and judy, but they where busy talking and laughing. Steve kept glancing at me, as if asking, "Who the heck is he?" "Actually, no I don't have very good memory so...did we go to high school together?" "Yea! Remember I was that guy in the band!" "There where a lot of guys in the band...are you the one that ate 2 dozen cookies for 5 cents?" "Nope..." I thought long and hard about who this mystery(and frankly, sort of creepy) guy was...but nothing came to mind. "No, I'm sorry...I got nothing..." |
He laughed again. "I can't believe you've forgotten me. I'm Frank, the trombone player." Aria blushed deeply. "Oh! Frank. Yes... Frank. Frank the trombone player. Um... what are you doing these days?" He shook his sad sadly. "I can't believe you have forgotten how we-" "Frank!" said Aria. "I'm remembering it now. Let's not bore everybody with our memories, hmmm?" I was intrigued. "We're not bored. What happened?" |
"Nothing Happened!" "Oh but it did rememember that one time, in the bus you-" I quickly put my hand over Franks mouth, "Trombone players should be seen not heard!" "Why Aria,"Steve smiled at me, winking. I could practically see his mind rolling down the gutter. "STEVE! I didn't do anything perverted!" "Are you sure? Cause Aria sounds like a porn name to me..." Judy and Steve laughed, and I could feel my face burning like a sunlit tomatoe. Groaning I removed my hand from Franks mouth, "Frank, join us and explain to my partner here that it was nothing PERVERSE!" |
Frank pulled out a chair. "But it was kind of perverse..." "It was NOT!" Aria said. "It was just a simple misunderstanding." Frank shook his head. "So you still claim you didn't know I was-" "Do we really have to talk about this?" Aria turned to me. "Steve, don't you have any disturbing memories that you don't want to relive in public?" "I used to," I said, "until you told the world about them." She sat back. "Oh, is that what this is about? Revenge? Big old Steve is just so upset that poor little Aria told a tiny funny story about him that now he has to stomp on poor little Aria and destroy her?" I grinned. "I wouldn't express it in exactly those words but... yeah!" Aria crossed her arms. "Fine, Steve. If you want to hear the whole sordid story of me and the trombone player, if you want to embarrass me in front of Judy, then that's just fine." Judy jumped in. "Oh, Steve, if she doesn't want the story to be known then we shouldn't make her tell it. I've certainly done things in my life I don't want anyone to know about. Frank is a trombone player, for God's sake! There's no telling what she did with him?" "Who says we did anything?" Aria said. "You're making it sound worse than it was." "It was pretty bad," Frank mumbled. "That's enough!" Aria shouted. She took a deep breath. "I'll tell you exactly what happened..." |
| "It was my freshman year his sophomore...my second band trip. I was polishing my flute-Steve I saw that smirk!" Pausing I swiftly kicked Steve in the shin-that got rid of his annoying smile. "ANYWAYS...I was polishing my flute, so it can be all shiny for the show. Only the bus was very very bumpy. We where getting close to teh stadium, so I got up with the cloth to put on my uniform properly. I was wearing shorts underneath, so I took of my pants and put on the overalls. Only, there was a lot of potholes in the area...and before I knew it, I was tossed into the seat in front of me-" "And right into my lap!" I blushed and saw red. But not before seeing Steve and judy break into laughter. "heh, it was hilarious! Especially since her overalls wheren't zipped and I was just in my shorts..." "It was an accident! AN ACCIDENT!" "heh oh, sure it was Aria sure it was." I was about to slap Steve when Franks interrupted, "Wouldn't be the first time a girl landed on my like that...of course, it was usually after she saw my trombone..." |
We were all laughing so much that I instinctively reached for the pocket containing my Antilaff pills, but then the food arrived and everyone's attention immediately focused on that. "Ooooooo," said Judy, "this looks wonderful!" The waitress brought Frank's meal over to our table and we settled down to some serious chow time. |
| I thanked God that the food was here--and that I had survived yet another embarrassing chapter in my life. Steve and Judy where enjoying their meal and I had to admit that they did make a pretty cute couple. Frank was inhaling his cannoli, occasionally looking at me and whispering "Hand check" I swear that if my food didn't look so appetizing, I would have slapped him...but I needed the strenght first. Licking my lips, I digged into the food |
After a few moments of intense chewing and slurping, my initial hunger was satisfied and I paused to regain awareness of my surroundings. Frank was inhaling his cannoli, an unusual way to eat it, but not that uncommon in my town. He didn't look like a trombone player to me. I wondered if he was lying, but then I realized if anyone would know whether or not Frank really was a trombonist then Aria would know and judging by her blushes he was. Judy started to giggle, but quietly. "What's so funny?" I asked. "I don't know," she said. "Maybe it's the meatballs." "Meatballs make you giggle?" "These do. Italian ones. Swedish meatballs don't make me giggle." Her giggling intensified to a socially irresponsible level. Houston, we may have a problem. The alternatives seemed simple enough. Feed her Antilaff or dope-slap her back to reality. But I was just clever enough to come up with a third alternative. "Stop giggling!" I said in my sternest voice. Judy exploded into a frenzy of giggling. I grabbed some ice out of my drink and put it down the back of her dress. "Godzilla!" she yelled and jumped up, grabbing at the back of her dress. "Are you crazy?" I smiled at Aria and Frank and said, "I guess we know who the crazy one is, huh?" Aria stood up. "I'll go with you to the ladies room, Judy, and get the ice out." They left and I shook my head at Frank and said, "Women!" |
| "I don't know why I'm giggling....I think its because I forgot to take my medication today." I looked at Judy through the mirror in the girls room, my eyebrows hitting my hairline. "Meds?" "Oh yea...if I don't take my medications everyday I just go insane with giggles and I start to jump up and down...oh and I bite men.." I just stared at her, dumbfounded....boy was Stevie in for a surprise |
When Aria and Judy returned from the girls room, Judy was still giggling and Aria had an evil smirk on her face. What now, I thought. The waiter was back to see if we wanted dessert. I did, so I ordered some lemon meringue pie. Judy wanted ice cream. The waiter turned to Frank and Aria... |
| "Naw, not today Luigs....I'm already full to the brink." "Itsa ok. What about you my fine gentleman?" "I'll have some apple pie." "Ah, excellent. I'lla be right-a back" I looked over at Judy and saw that she had stopped giggling and jumping up and down...which meant that pretty soon she would start biting people. "You know Aria...you never did apologize for your sudden-" "Frank...I would advise you to remain quiet...capiche?" |
I had just taken the first bite of my lemon meringue pie when Judy started growling. I though she was being funny, of course. Even when she sunk her teeth into my arm I was still in joke mode and grinned, but then there was pain and blood and I screamed, "My God! What are you doing? Get off!" She was like a bulldog clamped to my arm and I tried to stand up from the table but we both fell to the floor and people were pointing at us. I didn't want to hurt Judy but pushing her away was not working. She just kept growling. I saw the flash of silver as the waiter swung a big serving tray at her head and heard the loud BONK! as it connected. Judy's eyes rolled up, she released her grip, and fell over unconscious. I looked up at Aria and said, "So now we know why her brother has to scrounge up dates for her." |
| Hours later, after Judy's brother had taken her away and frank had gone to the hospital due to some laughter related puncture wound, Steve and I went to mingle with our penguins. "Boy, that sure was interesting wasn't it Steve?" "Oh yes very! I got chewed on by a phycho! What if I become a phycho? A vampire?! WEREWOLF?! "Steve calm down! All you'll get is a bruise...and you can say it was thanks to a hot date!" I winked and nudged him. After he was done frowning, I went to the back to check on the penguins. Specifically I wanted to check on Serenity, cuase this morning she had wobbled funny. I kneeled in front of her little "house" and opened the door. Out of nowhere Endy attacked me. "OW! ENDY! What the hell is wrong with you?!" After I said that, he let go...and looked at me with sad, ashamed...and frightened eyes. "Endy, what was all that about? and what are you-" And thats when I noticed that Serenity had something between her legs and tucked in under her stomach...something oval, white and with freckles... "OH MY GOD! ENDY IS GOING TO BE A DADDY!" |
"This is a good thing," I told Aria. "It's like getting a new penguin for free. Now if we could only rent out the ones we already have." "Aw, don't worry, Steve. Business will pick up. And think of how cute the new chick will be. When people see it they will be overcome with a cuteness attack and just have to have a penguin." "Maybe," I said, "But meanwhile we can't rent Serenity or Endy. Say, how long does it take to hatch a penguin egg?" |
"A little over a month. But Steve! Endy and Sere aren't married!" "Aria...you DO realize that they are penguins and not humans?" "Oh...heh, right of course" I laughed awkwardly while I petted Endy. A baby penguin! "Oh, but we'll need to monitor it everyday...weight it...make sure its eating enough." "Oh thats ok...we'll take turns. But I guess, for now, Endy and Sere cannot be seperated, and I guess we have to bring their food to them and-" And it was then that a big gust of wind blew at us, and a booming voice greeted us with gusto. |
One minute Aria was petting Endy, the next minute she was lying on her back with her eyes rolled up in her head, trembling and mumbling. "Aria!" I shouted. "What is it? Are you hearing the Voice again? Try to remember what it says this time!" Even though we were indoors it felt like a wind was blowing. A shiver went down my spine. The penguins squawked nervously. "Aria! Why is it taking so long? What is the Voice saying? Can you hear me?" But Aria was kicking her feet against the floor and singing some weird Spanish song. If it hadn't all happened so many times before I would be frightened. I just hoped that this time she would have some memory of the experience. It was so frustrating when she returned to reality with a blank stare and said, "What just happened?" |
| "It called to me!" I stood up, accidentaly smacking Steve. He rolled around on the floor, cursing and nursing his bruised ribs. "Tap dancing goddess!" "Sorry, about that Steve! But I got it! I got the solution to our Renting problem!" Steve looked at me through teary eyes. His hands where clenching and unclenching and think I heard a whimper or two. But that was ok...Steve always bounced back. "Get ready for a totally genius plan my friend!" I paused dramatically and pulled in a huge breath-so much that my lungs burned. "KINDERGARDEN!" |
I stared at Aria. "Kindergarden? You mean the little school before the big school? You mean Sesame Street and Big Bird and Ernie? You mean Tickle-Me Elmo? I don't get it. What is the genius plan? Are you sure you aren't still under the influence of whatever it is that comes over you when you do that fall-on-the-floor thing? How about a drink of nice cool water?" |
| I bonked Steve on the head, "Don't you get it? Don't you see the pure brilliance in it? We could rent the penguins out to Kindergarden classes! Maybe even for 8 year olds! Why didn't we think of it before? Elementary school!" "...Oh man...your so right! How come we didn't think of it before?!" Steve got up off the floor and grabbed his jacket. "Where are you going?" "To the schools!" "Um Steve...you do know that its Saturday right?" |
I put on the brakes. "Oh yeah, right. But it's still a good idea even if your timing is terrible." Aria beamed with pleasure. "Thank you, I'm glad you like my idea. It makes me feel truly alive when you like something I do." "You're so needy." Aria's smile vanished and a mean look took it's place. "I'm not needy. You're so stingy with your compliments that if you happen to finally let loose with one it seems like the circus has come to town. I should have known that you would immediately cancel it out with some piece of sarcasm." I was shocked at Aria's emotional instability. True, it was Saturday and once again Aria did not have a date, but why take out her anger on me? However, I refrained from pointing all that out and decided just to soothe her frazzled nerves. "Hey, I have an idea. Let's give the penguins a bath." |
| "Ok!" I laughed and turned my back at Steve. It was so fun to make him believe I was emotionally unstable. Very gullible, that man. Getting the tub ready I took out a few sponges from the cabinets. "Ok! All penguins except for Sere and Endy, in line for a nice bath!" |
"Can't Sere and Endy take turns? Only one of them at the time has to stand around with an egg on their feet." I unrolled the garden hose and dropped a couple of tabs of Penguin Cleaner into a 5 gallon bucket. "All right, birdies! It's bath time!" The sound of the hose water hitting the side of the metal bucket inspired the birds into a frenzy of happy squawking. "They loves their baths, don'ts they?" The penguins crowded around, jostling to be first. "Hey! Form a line!" |
| "Yes, they do love their bath. Love-not loves. Since when do you talk like a southerner?" "Since I slipped." "Of course" While Steve filled up the bucket, I tried to get the penguins to form a line. "Jake you quit trying to bite cookie! Cookie you quit being mean to Chibi! and Chibi, thats NOT a fish!" After I had pried the small metal object from Chibi chibi, I aligned them all in a neat little row from big to small. Jake was first, of course. "Aria...I don't want Jake to be first! He's going to bite!" "Aw, he doesn't bite so hard." "Thats not what my doctors said!" |
But Jake was a good boy for a change, although I made sure it was Aria who washed him. Penguins love a good bath. It makes them feel so fresh and frolicky. We fluffed up their feathers with the hair dryer. Aria braided Cookie's top feathers and I spiked Jake's. I had clicked on my hair clippers to give Chibi Chibi a buzz cut but Aria grabbed my hand, saying "No, Steve, that's going too far. They are penguins, not little adopted orphan kids from Somalia." "They look too formal in black and white Tuxedos," I said. "Why don't we dress them differently? Do you still have all those Sailor Moon costumes? We can put them on the penguins." |
| I blushed "Um...yea, they're in the closet. Oh, I have the perfect comstumes for ALL of you!" Grabbing the costumes from the storage closet I once again lined the penguins and told Steve to close his eyes while I dressed them. He whined but I insisted that it had to be a surprise. Fifteen minutes later, I was done. I would have been done sooner, but Cookie got all high matience on me. I swear that penguin gets on my nerves at time. "Ok open your eyes!" "Oh man..." Steve merely stared at all the penguins, mouth opening and closing like a fish. "Ok, so Jake as you, is wearing a white suit an indigo pattern! He's Prince Diamando, cause he was bad, but good at the same time." Jake gave Steve a regal looked and fluffled his feathers, which I thought was pretty cute. "Martha is Sailor Venus, cause she's sweet and forgetful and Cookie is Sailor Mars cause...she was the most...um...special." At this, Cookie pecked me-not hard-but it still hurt. "Sam here is sporting an apron cause he's the arcade worker that everyone loves! And chibi chibi...is Sailor Chibi Chibi!" I laughed when Chibi Chibi extended her flipper like wings and danced around Steve. Steve smiled at all the silly antics as he shook his head. "Well...at least they seem happy. No costumes for Endy and Sere?" "Well, I"M not bothering them while they're taking care of their egg! They can attack me or something..." |
The costumes were hilarious. Sailor Chibi Chibi was just sooooooo cute. Almost annoyingly cute. "You know, Aria, we're gonna have to march these guys in costume for our next Penguin Parade. People will love them." "Well... I don't know," she said. "My Sailor Moon costumes... I would hate for anything to happen to them. They are kind of a legacy I intend to leave to any children I might have in the future." "Oh, I understand," I lied. "We don't have to use these particular costumes. I just like the whole 'penguins in costume' concept." "Whew!" said Aria. "That's a relief. My Sailor Moon costumes... If anything happened to them-" "Yeah, yeah, I understand. Legacy." Cookie squawked and I remembered something. "Hey, guess what, guys! Guess what I have?" Aria said, "What! What!" "Penguin candy!" "Huh?" "Yeah, look at these! Fish-flavored candy! I had to go to Chinatown to find these. Very rare and exotic. Look, this one's an almond goldfish and here's a little chocolate squid..." |
| "And I hope you aren't suggesting we EAT THAT!" "Not you! The penguins!" "Oh...heh right of course of course." Rubbing the back of my neck I carefully tiptoed to Endymion's domain. Making sure I was 2 feet apart, I looked into the box. Endy looked back at me, cautious and happy. Serenity was asleep, happy to have endy baby sitting. Moving away(and avoiding the fight for the candy) I looked at Steve and sighed, "You know...I don't think I'm ready for a baby..." He looked at me scared, hands going limp. "Well...then don't get preganant!" "A baby penguin! Jeez get your mind out of the gutter!" |
"It's not in the gutter. I just had this vision of me having to take care of these penguins by myself while you stayed in bed with a watermelon in your stomach." Aria shook her head. "Oh, Steve, you could hire somebody to help out." "That would take money and if we don't rent some penguins then we won't have any more money." "You worry about money too much. Sailor Moon never worries about money." "What DOES she worry about?" |
| I thought about the question for a while. Apart from the monsters hell bent on destroying the world or guys dressed like girls(or girly guys, or just plain girls) trying to steal her boyfriend, there was little she worried about it. "She worries abuot tests!" "So do you!" "Yea well...school is hard. The science test yesterday was so confusing. It beat me up badly. It was like in another language or something!" I took out the crumpled paper from my pockets and showed it to Steve. "You see?" "The only thing I see is that this looks like a German test..." "....oh crap..." |
"Maybe it was about Albert Einstein's theory of relativity..." Aria shook her head sadly. "No, it's not in German. My teacher uses a Medieval Gothic font on his tests." I studied the paper. "That's odd. You would think a nice clean modern font would be easier to read and understand. And some of these words are misspelled." "They are? Well, he's a science teacher, not english." "It doesn't matter. Spelling is important. I think you should get him fired. He's obviously incompetent." "Do you really think so, Steve?" "Yes and that's the reason you are not learning science well. You have a lousy teacher with crummy spelling who uses an unreadable font to confuse his students into thinking he knows what he is doing." "But he doesn't!" "Exactly!" I said. "You have to get him removed and replaced with a better teacher." |
| I wailed, "But our schools are in HORRIBLE condition! Where in the world are they going to find a proper english teacher!" ".....don't you mean science?" "Science, english whatever!" Steve put his hands up in defense, but I continued on my rant anyways, this time climbing on top of a chair "Why must teachers make our lives SOOO miserable? Do they enjoy my misery?! Do they enjoy my frustration and my annoyance? I say we send them all the venus!" "Aria, your scaring the pen-" "Where they will suffocate on rain! Pure rain that will rain down for 7 years!" "Wha? I don't think thats-" "And they will be blinded by the sun when it shines for an hour everyday!" "um-" "And the world will be at-" Before I could reach the climax of the story, something knocked me off. I turned around to shuot at Steve, but someone was covering my eyes... |
Aria suddenly had her hands out, groping as though she couldn't see. "Who is that?" she said and giggled. "Who is who?" I said. I was a little worried. This was a new manifestation of Aria's general flakiness that I had never seen before. "Steve! Who has their hands over my eyes?" She had her eyes clamped shut and she was stumbling around. I wasn't really sure what to say. I decided I better try to snap her out of it so I said the most ridiculous thing I could think of, hoping to shock her back to normal. "It's Santa Claus!" |
| "Santa?!" I stood up and ran in a random direction-which introduced my face to an iceberg. I fell to the ground hard-but at least I was back to normal. Well as normal as I could ever get anyways. "Oh...sometimes I think I'm not like most people." "Really? Wow...you could have fooled me!" Steve had earned himself a smack with his sarcastic tone, but I decided I was too lazy to give him one. "Your lucky that one of the seven deadly sins has visited me." "...huh?" |
"Yes," she said, with a dreamy look in her eyes. "One of the Seven Deadly Sins has visited me!" "Oh Lord," I murmured, "please don't let it be Lust." Aria whirled around like a ballerina, then grabbed Cookie's flipper and started dancing with her. I racked my brains trying to think of the Seven Sins. What were they again? Sleepy, Dopey, Grumpy.... No, no, NO! Those were the Seven Dwarfs. Aria began to sing a lullaby. All the penguins were staring at her and Cookie. I wondered what they were thinking. And I wondered which sin had overtaken Aria. Was dancing a sin? I seemed to recall there was some religion that forbid dancing. Gluttony! That was one of the sins. Hmmm... Hate, anger, envy, jealousy, spite, murder, theft... There were so many sins to choose from. Which were the Magnificent Seven?" Aria had added a hop and a skip to her dance routine with Cookie. It was really quite pretty if you were a big fan of 5th grade dance recitals. "Aria," I said. "Which Deadly Sin has visited you?" |
| I yawned, both amused and a little annoyed that Steve hadn't figured out my sin. "Sloth of course...a wave of laziness just hit me-poof...just like that. Never know when that sin will strike." Again I yawned and I felt myself falling to the floor-but I managed to remain upright and walk over to a couch that was nearby. "Hey! You can't sleep Aria! We have work to do!" "I'm not going to sleep! Its sloth! Sleep takes work...sloth doesn't like doing work..I'm just going to lie down for a while." "But we have work to do!" "Tell you what...you give me five or ten minutes, and I'll personally take care of our next customer..." |
As Aria's "ten minute rest" stretched to an hour and her buzz-saw snoring filled the store, I busied myself dusting off the shelves of penguin-related merchandise that we carried. The penguin storybooks. The stuffed penguins. The penguin squeeze toys. The Penguin Monopoly, Penguin Clue, Penguin Parchesi, and the Penguin Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? The penguin sheets and pillowcases, blankets, comforters, straw hats, bath towels, beach towels, flip flops, tote bags, blouses, bras, panties, long johns, pajamas, night gowns, bermuda shorts, handkerchiefs, bandanas, scarves, and jockstraps. The penguin jockstraps sold suprisingly well. I don't know why. The bell over the entranceway tinkled as a customer walked in. "Is Aria here?" he asked. |
| "Aria...Aria..." "Five more minutes Luna..." "Aria!" "guh? OH, Steve? Has it been ten minutes already?" Steve rolled his eyes and gave a smirk, "Oh yea, ten minutes plus 50. Anyways, this customer is looking for you." I groaned and buried my head into the pillow. "If its Frank, tell him to get lost." "Its not Frank." I removed my face from the comfy cushion and looked Steve in the eyes. I wasn't expecting anybody from another state. No friends or families. And I KNEW it wasn't a law enforcement officer. "Oh man. Well ok. Lets go see this guy." "Excuse me? WE? He asked for you!" "But...but Steve! He could be a phycho! Or worst." Steve looked at me funny, "What can be worst then that?" "I've no clue...but your coming with me...pretty please?" |
The visitor was a tall skinny man with big ears and a red nose. Although he didn't look very old his hair was completely white, even his eyebrows. His eyes were so blue they looked artificial. They were too blue. They were a deep blue, very unnatural. I think I was zoning out on his strange blue eyes when he said, "Hello, Aria, we've never met before in real life, but you know me from your dreams." Aria's eyes were wide with childish wonder. "Are you my muse?" "Of course not! I'm Icky Poo Muck Muck, your imaginary childhood friend." Aria frowned. "Huh? Icky Poo Muck Muck? I never heard that name before. Are you sure you have the right Aria?" "Of course I'm sure. How many Arias do you think there are in this town?" |
I looked the man over again, bewildered. I've never in my life had a male imaginary friends. Just sailor scouts and bunnies. I thought long and hard about the situation. Steve was zoning out on the guys eyes, which, I had to admit where creepy. Almost as if they looked straight into your soul...trying to pry your deepest darkest secrets. "Come on, Aria G.! It's me!" "Aria...G?" "G! Your last name starts with G!" My eyes widened at this and a blushed settled on my cheeks when I realized who this imaginary man belonged to. "Um...Look...I think you're looking for Aria Genovea... the, um... *cough* ... adult film star..." |
My ears perked up at the words "adult film star". Did my little Aria spend her evenings curled up with a good porno DVD on the tube? It seemed inconsistent with her artistic sensibilities, her love of nature and animals, her devotion to bubblegum music and girl's anime. I stared at Aria and when she noticed me staring the blush deepened on her cheeks. "I read the name," she said, "on a DVD cover that someone dropped at the checkout counter of the rental store. I picked it up for them. I couldn't help but notice. The name stuck in my mind. Because her first name was Aria. Stop staring at me! I do NOT watch porno!" "Hey, it's okay," I said. "I don't care what you watch." "But I DON'T watch it." "Me thinks you doth protest too much." |
I blushed deeper and nearly spasmed with anger. "Steve...wipe off that smirk or I will knock it off for you." Steve nodded and tried to hide the grin, failing miserably. I was about to smack him when the now crimson red imaginary friend interjected. "Um, really? Well...um...wow. Wasn't expecting her to grow up to be that. She always wanted to be a doctor!" Steve said, "Well she DOES play a doctor in one of the movies, that counts." "And how would you know that Steve?" Ah, the look on his face was priceless. His mouth went dry as he kept trying to talk in coherent sentecens, but only a few words came out that were remotely understandable. "Right, sure, ok, Steve...whatever you say." Icky Poo Muck Muck said, "Well...I guess I'll need to go find her then... Can I buy some stuffed penguin toys? They were always her favorite." |
I held off Aria with one arm while I grabbed a stuffed penguin off the shelf with the other. "Sure! We have some great toys. How about this one, Mr Muck Muck?" He looked at it and tossed it back. "Not that one. Something more sensual." "Sensual? That word doesn't seem to describe penguins very well. I heard a naturalist say that watching penguins mate was like watching bowling pins mate." Aria's eyes widened. "Bowling pins can mate?" "They can neck and spoon a little but they are all sterile. No babies." Her nose wrinkled. "I still owe you a smack in the head, you know." Icky Poo Muck Muck slammed his fist on the counter. "Why does your attention keep drifting away from ME!" I put up my hands. "Heyyyy. Whoa, dude. You're just a minor character in our drama. It's a bit part. Don't get too big for your britches or we'll-" He grabbed my shirt collar and shoved his red face into mine. "Or you will what?" I loosened my collar with a finger so I could breathe. "Or we'll have to get you a bigger pair of britches." He let go and I fell to the floor. I shook my head to clear out the cobwebs. A tiny spider ran across the floor. Aria said, "What are britches exactly? Are they like trousers and pants? And aren't trousers and pants the same? Why are there so many words for the same thing?" Icky Poo Muck Muck and I stared at her for a moment, then we looked at each other and shook our heads sadly. |
| I looked at the imaginary man and steve. "It's a valid question!" They only stared at me more oddly, and losing a bit of my temper I smacked Steve-but not too hard. "Look here Mr. Friend, Steve is right. Penguins aren't really sensual creatures." "Well, they have babies! They must be!" I rubbed my hands over my face and sighed. "Look...a lot of animals just "do the do" to reproduce. Thats all they want. To pass on their DNA. I don't even think they get much pleasure from it!"' Icky Poo Muck Muck was getting mad-his face was turning pale and his eyes where like knives. He was snarling and I was all ready to use Steve as a human shield. "FINE! OK WHATEVER! JUST GIVE ME THAT PENGUIN DOLL SO I CAN GO NOW!" Dumbfounded by his non-violent answer, I quickly snatched a random stuffed penguin and handed it to him. Muttering Icky Poo muck muck threw the money on the counter and left the store, stuttering something about penguins. "um....Have a good day...sir" |
I turned to Aria. "Takes all kinds, doesn't it?" She laughed. "I guess so." I sighed. "I wonder what my own imaginary childhood friend is doing now..." "Uh, Steve, if he was imaginary then he's doing whatever you want him to be doing." "That's true," I said. "He's probably writing novels. I'll bet he's a successful writer with lots of money - three houses, four cars, and five wives." "Why do men have to quantify everything? Isn't one really good thing better than three or four so-so things?" "Maybe. But wouldn't three or four really good things be better than just one really good thing?" "No, because then your attention would be divided and you could only enjoy each thing for a fraction of the time." "But maybe it would get boring if you had to concentrate on just one good thing 24 hours a day." |
| "Not if you really love that thing. I swear, this attitude of yours is probably the reason you can't get a steady girlfriend." "Hey, I'm not a one woman man. It would be....SELFISH of me to only limit myself to one female! I mean really..." I rolled my eyes but laughed anyways. "You're right Steve. God forbid you stay with only one woman." Steve nodded frantically, smiling like a fool. For a moment there was silence as Steve got lost in his fantasy about who knows what-and frankly I didn't want to find out. I was starting to fall asleep when Steve's voiced jarred me awake, "Hey Aria, what was your imaginary friend like?" |
Aria forced her sleepy eyes open. "I don't know, Steve. Can I tell you later? It's my sleepytime." "But Aria, it's the middle of the day and you're at WORK!" "But it's my sleepytime. My sleepytime is important, Steve. You know that." "ARIA!" She frowned impatiently. "Steve, please stop bothering me. Do I have to go to the penguin room to sleep?" "No sleeping on the job. You PROMISED me!" "Oh for goodness sakes! You forced that promise out of me. It wasn't given willingly." "It's still a promise. Tell me about your imaginary friend. That will help you stay awake." |
"Ok, Ok" I shook my head of all the wonderful dreams that had been waiting to hatch and settled my gaze on the stuffed penguin. "It was a huge bunny--about 6 feet I would think. It was so cute and fluffy and it had the prettiest pink eyes and white fur. He had a little pouch in the front, sort of like a kangaroo. He used to carry me in it when I got hurt or just wanted to have fun." I sniffled and put my hand over my heart, "But alas one day! He was gone! GONE! I looked everywhere but he was gone, never to return! OH how I cried! how I screamed! How I-" "Yea, yea ok I get the picture. Mr Rabbit left and you where heartbroken..." "Indeed I was..." There was an akwards silence between us-but only for a few seconds. "what about your imaginary friend Steve? was she some super model? olympic runner? |
"Noooo... not exactly. I remember he had a chainsaw. Actually, that whole time of my life was hypnotically suppressed by my psychiatrist. He said I was better off not recalling any childhood memories. It would only upset me." Aria's mouth fell open. "Steve! That was a bad psychiatrist. They're supposed to help you REMEMBER, not help you FORGET!" "But the doctor said they were bad memories and I would go insane if I recalled them too much." Aria put one hand on her hips, moved her head side to side, and shook her finger at me. "That's just not true, Steve! The path to sanity leads straight through the repressed memories of childhood. You have to go back and relive it all and see it for what it really was." My knees trembled. "But Aria... all that blood and gore. It's a scary place. I don't want to go back there. I don't want to remember." "You HAVE to remember, Steve! Now what was your imaginary friend's name? That's a good start." "F-F-Freddy, I think." "Freddy! Excellent. Friendly Freddy. That's a nice name. Don't you feel a little better already?" My stomach was a little queasy. The trembling was so bad I had to sit down. "He wasn't friendly, Aria. He was mean. One day he killed a bunny!" Aria scratched her chin. "A bunny? What do you mean he killed a bunny?" "A huge bunny. Six feet tall. I'd never seen anything like it. It had pink eyes and white fur. It was crying, begging for it's life, but Freddy cranked up that chainsaw. Wuk wuk wuk wuR-R-R-R-R-R-R-rrrrrrr! The bunny began screaming hysterically and then Freddy-" "STEVE! Stop! I don't want to hear anymore." "But I'm starting to feel a little better..." Aria was pale as if she'd seen a ghost. "No you aren't. You must forget. It never happened... Forget... Forget... You have no memories... There was no childhood... You remember nothing... When I snap my fingers you will awake and feel refreshed and have no memories of your imaginary friend. 1-2-3-wakeup!" I rubbed my eyes. "Oh, Hi, Aria. What's happening? I feel so refreshed." Aria said, "Whew! What a day." "What were we talking about?" Aria looked at me for a moment. "I just told you I needed to take a nap and you said try to hold it to an hour." I nodded. "Oh. Alright, I'll wake you up in an hour." |
| "Actually I don't much feel like sleeping now..." "Oh? what do you feel like then?" "I feel like-" The bell above the door jingled and a huge but friendly shadow fell upon us. "Hello! I'd like to rent-a-penguin!" |
Aria and I looked at each other in gleeful greedy anticipation. A customer! "Hello, sir," I said. "You've come to the right place. We can meet all your penguin-related needs." "Oh, good! I need two penguins for this coming Saturday. My daughter LOVES penguins and she's having a party." "We have just what you need. What do you think, Aria? Cookie and Sam? They haven't been pulling their share of the load. Time for them to earn their fish, eh?" |
| "Cookie and Sam? Yea sure shouldn't be a problem!" "A girl and a boy penguin eh? Oh, how wonderful! My niece and nephew will adore the penguins!" "Thats why we are here sir,to please penguin loving people!" I nudged Steve to go pick up the penguins while I rang up the services for the gentleman. He seemed very nice, well polished and clean. I got a good feeling about this guy-that or I was hungry again, but I sriously doubted that last scenario. "Here you go Sir! Cookie and Sam at your service!" "Marvelous!" "Now, as a rule, I, Steve, will accompany the penguins to keep watch. I'm the supervisor!" "OH yes that won't be a problem!" |
"Good!" I said. "Now if you'll just fill out this form - name, address, method of payment - then we'll be done. Would you like to see the penguins?" "No, I know what a penguin looks like and I trust you. You'll have the penguins at the party by 1pm Saturday afternoon?" "Certainly! Good-bye! I'll see you then." I turned to Aria. "Well! That's a good sign." "Yes, it almost feels like we're a real business now." "It does, doesn't it? Say... did you notice anything funny about that guy?" |
| I stared at Steve funny. "Funny? you mean ha-ha funny, hehehehe funny or "get away from my baby" funny?" "That last one." "Mmm..." I bit my lower lip as I thought about the man that was here but a few seconds ago. He seemed decent enough. Khaki pants. green sweater. Glasses. And he did say that he had kids... "I don't think anyone with kids can be evil. I think its your imagination." "Nu uh!" "Yea uh! Its the cricket all over again!" |
The cricket? Aria had an annoying habit of bringing up things best forgotten. But at least she didn't pick her nose or fart a lot. We should be greatful for the small things in life and not be always wanting other people to be perfect. But I was surprised she hadn't noticed the stranger's tattoo. It was right there on his forehead. A blue cricket, about an inch long. But if I said anything about it, Aria would think I was "doing the cricket thing again". So frustrating. I smiled at her and said, "Well, maybe you're right. Just my imagination..." Aria nodded smugly. "Of course I'm right. I'm glad you noticed." "Yeah, whatever. Hey! Did you start a new drawing yet? I really liked that last one of you as a mermaid being pulled from the ocean by Johnny Depp onto his pirate ship." |
| "Oh I finished the poster actually! Want to see?" "Yea!" I ran to the storage room, only falling once or twice. After retreaing the painting and nursing my new bruises I showed it to Steve, pride shining in my eyes. "What do you think?" "I think the penguins look sweet! And all that snow!Brr...I'm getting a cold just looking at it." "what about santa? you like santa, cause I kind of used you as a reference!" |
"Really?" I looked closely but could see no resemblance at all between the big-bellied man in the red suit and myself. I seldom wear red. "You mean he has the same color eyes as me?" Aria laughed. "He IS you! It's like you in a Santa suit." I shook my head. "No-o-o, I don't see it. But it's a great poster. Let's put this up where a lot of people will see it. Any ideas?" |
"....how about in that huge window? Everyone looks into our store. Maybe if they see the poster, they'll be like-" "Oh look santa has penguins!" I nodded as Steve finished my sentence He catches up quick sometimes. Other times it takes days, maybe even weeks. "Exactly! And everyone knows Santa can't go wrong!" "Ok, I'll put it up and we'll see how we do with it. Here's hoping we get more customers." "heh yea...here's hoping Steve." |
"Did you see this letter?" I said, holding it out to Aria. "No, read it to me." "You are so lazy. It just says 'I can't wait to see those penguins! Arriving Saturday!' and it's signed 'Morgana'. Do you know someone named Morgana?" Aria scratched her neck. "No, I don't think so." I scratched my head. "I don't either... odd." Aria tugged at her ear. "It doesn't ring a bell..." I tickled my chin. "Something funny about it..." Aria lifted up strands of her hair. "Strange..." I squeezed my nose. But before I could express myself the door flew open and in walked a blonde. |
| "Penguins!" I shrieked happily at the top of my lungs, walking into the Rent-a-Penguin shop. There were two people in there who stared at me with their mouths open. What? I shrugged. They'd never seen a happy blonde before? "Uh, sorry," I said anyway, to seem more normal. "I just really like penguins!" "Okay," the guy said, nodding. "You must be Morgana." "How could you tell?" I asked suspiciously, squinting my eyes at him. "Are you stalking me?" "No!" he disclaimed, raising his hands up in a self-defensive posture. I seemed to do that to all the guys. "Well, okay," I said, mollified. Maybe he wasn't an evil alien stalker from Pluto. It could happen. "How much is it to rent a penguin?" |
| "Oh well not that much really. Probably as much as it cost to rent a boyfriend-although the penguin would probably be more affectionate." Morgana gave out a long and hearty laugh at my comment. I laughed too-its not often I get to make a funny. "OH well thats great! Penguins are sooo cute. I have a whole sketchbook full of penguins." "Oh...thats...great." Steve was looking at Morgana oddly. Damn him and his paranoia. "Well, its really not that much to rent one of our little guys or gals. How much you want?" It was then that Sam came out from the back and started waddling before going behind the curtain again. Morgana let out a loud whoop and followed him "Hey! you can't go back there!" |
I hurried after Morgana as she entered the sacrosanct Chamber of the Penguins. She stopped short at the entrance and said "Oh. My. God." "You shouldn't be in here," I said in hushed tones. From the skylight high above us came rays of sunshine that produced dazzling effects in the ice and water. The effect was a gorgeous stage setting for a penguin opera. Serenity held her egg on her toes. Cookie splashed into the pool. The other penguins came waddling over. There was a tear in Morgana's eye. "I had no idea it would be so... so... beautiful!" Aria walked in with a bucket of dead fish. "Alright, me birdies! Who wants a fish?" |
| I squeaked and stepped back. She surprised me with her bucket of fish and the coarseness of her language. Didn't she understand how beautiful, how precious, how wonderful the penguins were? They were elegance personified-they even wore permanent tuxedos! "I never want to leave," I breathed, staring at all the beautiful penguins. I'd waited so long for this moment...so long...I started to drool. Then I noticed the proprietor staring at me funny again so I quickly wiped my chin and essayed a bright smile. |
"Never...want to leave?" I said. "NO! DON"T MAKE ME LEAVE!" Morgana gave Steve a ferocious hug and refused to let go. Steve stuck his hands in the air and screamed, "See where my hands are?! NO TOUCHY!" "Ok, ok, OK!" I sighed and slowly rubbed my temples. Man, where was coffee when you needed it? "Look Morgana...this bussiness is still very new. And we haven't been doing so great. You look like a great person, but I just don't know if we can-" "Pretty please with chocolate fudge? I'll do anything...ANYTHING!" |
I shrugged. "Am I sensing you want to be part of our little store?" "Yes!" said Morgana. "Ever since I was a little girl I have wanted to live with the penguins. When I was seven my parents took me to the zoo and when we passed the penguin exhibit I could hear voices in my head. It was the penguins talking to me! Morgana, they said. Morgaaaaaanaaaaa.... I wanted to climb over the wall and join them but my parents wouldn't let me." "Haha! Cute story," said Aria. "But wait! There's more! For days afterwards I could talk of nothing but penguins. My parents were easygoing people so they went along with my obsession and bought me penguin toys - pull penguins, plush penguins, wind-up penguins... In fact, I recognized every one of the toys on your shelves out there from my own collection." "That's very interesting," I said. "I'm surprised you didn't try to go to Antartica." "I did! When I was 9 years old I ran away from home... but the police found me the same day and brought me back. That's when my parents began to think my obsession may have become too extreme so they... " She paused, a faraway look in her eyes. "So they what?" I said encouragingly. It was obvious this was a part of her childhood that was difficult to remember. |
| "They-they," I hiccuped. "Yes?" Steve said. "They-they-they-they-they..." He hit me on the back, and I stopped. "Thank you. They told me that...that penguins were ugly!" "No!" the two gasped in unison, looking shocked. "And--and then they made me live on an ice floe until I was 18!" I wailed. "They-they said if I liked penguins so much, I should-should go live with them!" I crumpled to the floor, crying like a toddler. Tears poured down my face, sadly carrying away all of my carefully applied makeup. Yeah, right, it's waterproof, I thought as Steve and Aria tried to comfort me. Cheap Revlon garbage! "Please let me stay here," I finally pleaded. "I really will do anything. I love penguins. They're...they're like part of my soul!" |
| I sighed and ran my hands over my hair. "Ok ok! You can stay and help us take care of the-" Morganas suddenly enveloped us in a group hug and I foudn myself short of breath. VERY SHORT of breath...I swore I saw a cat on Steve's head... Finally she realeased and wiped off all her tears. She gave us a dazzling smile, "GREAT...so...what do I do now?" |
"That's a good question," I said. "We seldom know what to do ourselves." "Speak for yourself," said Aria. "There's plenty to be done around here." "You know what would really be helpful is a good penguin trainer. We lost a customer because a penguin bit his kid. That shouldn't have happened. These penguins need training. Or muzzles." Morgana nodded sympathetically. "Maybe they aren't getting enough to eat." "What!" shouted Aria. "Let me show you something." She grabbed Jake's belly and showed us a big roll of fat. "That's why penguins can't fly. Too much insulation." "Yeah," I said to Morgana. "They just bite people because they're lazy and don't want to play with the kids. I think they need a little discipline and instruction. Think you could handle that?" |
| "Are you kidding?" I squealed at the top of my very high range. I think the windows almost shattered. "Of course I can handle that! I would love to! It would be wonderful! It would be-" "Okay, we get the idea," Steve said, holding his hands out in a slow-down gesture. I think his ears were starting to bleed a little. Oops, I thought. "Sorry," I whispered, blushing. Slow down, I reminded myself. Just because they run a penguin shop doesn't mean they're as obsessed as you. "What was that?" Aria asked and I realized that I'd said that out loud. "Er-nothing!" I said brightly. "I didn't say anything!" Perhaps it was the forced gaiety of my tone, or the pink still flushing my cheeks, or the way I was crossing my fingers rather obviously in front of me, but Aria and Steve didn't look like they believed me. "Well, I'll just get to work, then, shall I?" I said, picking up a small penguin. It felt like heaven in my arms. "Watch out, that one bites," Aria started to say before the penguin started nuzzling my arms. Needless to say, I melted. "Ahhhh," I cooed, stroking the penguin. It felt so nice and...and right in my arms. And then it bit me. |
"Ow!" Morgana threw her right hand into the air waving it frantically. "Told you...thats Jake...he's a biter. The rest are pretty ok." Morgana giggled as she put Jake down. I shook my head and proceeded to introduce her to all of our other penguins. "This here is Cookie and-" "AWWW!" I looked at her weirdly, but she didn't seem to notice - so busy in stroking Cookie's belly she was. "Anyways, she's a sweetheart....sometimes. Other times she acts like a diva." "Oh, I'm sure we'll get along!" "This is Martha. Total sweetheart. This here is Sam...also a total sweetie." "OH! I want to hug them all!" I sighed,"Yea, yea I know...finally this is Chibi Chibi....heh, our resident ham and-" Morgana's voice sqeaked and she lunged for Chibi Chibi. She threw him up in the air laughing and talking baby talk. Chibi didn't seem to mind however. " Ok, first--Chibi Chibi is the ONLY penguin you can get away with doing that since he's small. Second, there are two more penguins. Serenity and Endymion, but they are guarding their egg so for the moment i don't think-" "BABY!" Morgana ran to where Serenity and Endy where, while I chased her, "Hey! What did I just say about them?!" |
I could see disaster ahead so I shut my eyes and could only hear. "Ooooo, look at the pretty egg!" "Don't touch that or the penguins will-" Then the human voices were drowned out by loud penguin squawking. Keeping my hands over my eyes I edged away from the noise and fell over backwards into the penguin pool. "Aiiieeeee!" I screamed, "Ice water!" Aria yelled at me. "Steve! This is no time for swimming and playing! Get out of the pool! It's Condition Red over here!" |
| Oops. Okay, in retrospect, charging toward two nesting penguins was a really bad idea. But it just seemed so wonderful! Really, it did! And the egg...I mean, come on, baby penguin! So they charged me. I shrieked at the top of my lungs and fell over, buffeted by penguin wings. You never really think about penguins having wings, but believe me, they do. And they hurt when penguins are attacking you with them. And biting you. "Ow! Okay, okay!" I yelled. "Stop it!" One of the penguins, I think Steve called her Serenity, stopped and looked at me curiously. Menace gleamed in those innocent penguin eyes. "I won't touch the egg," I told her. "I promise." I swear to God she said "okay." Then she and Endymion waddled away back to their nest. "What just happened?" I asked the world at large, sprawled on the ground, covered with new bruises. "Seriously, what happened?" |
| I looked over the new girl, eyes blazing, mind racing, and hands wringing a loose rag. "What happened?! You nearly got mauled by two penguins!" She looked at me oddly before a smile covered her face. "Are they cute?" I just stared at her-half amused half mad. However I decided the case was more amusing, so I giggled a little. But only a little. "Ok ok...that was Endymion and Serenity. As you can see, they are expecting. In a few weeks, a baby penguin will be in our care. During that time, I'll be the only monitoring it most of the time, so you'll probably take over my chores. For now, I think it's your job to feed the penguins." "REALLY?!" "Yea really. I'll train them in the afternoon, and Steve's job is to man the register and to clean up after our little friends." "How come I ALWAYS HAVE TO CLEAN UP!?" "Hehe, cause your the only man around...and its a mans job...you are a man aren't you Steve?" |
I checked to see if I was still a man. Yep! "Okay," I said, "I guess I'll have to man the register because I never heard of anyone womaning the register." Just then the man in khaki pants, green sweater, and glasses stuck his head in the door. "You haven't forgotten about Saturday afternoon, have you?" "No, sir, I'll be there with the penguins. Um... what was your name again?" He drew himself up tall. "Doctor Peabody on Maple Street!" "Yes, of course, Doctor Peabody. I'll be there!" After he left I said, "Cookie and Sam are going on this assignment. We've got to be sure they are in a pleasant, non-biting mood by Saturday afternoon. Plenty of good food food and proper training, right?" |
| "Of course!" I said brightly, nodding like a bobblehead doll. "No problem!" "Good," Steve nodded. I walked over to Cookie and Sam and smiled brightly at them. They looked narrow-eyed at me, assessing my reactions. "Well, I have to train you," I told them, "so you don't bite people. What do you think?" I swear to God Sam bared his teeth at me or something. "Oh," I said in a too-high, scared voice. "You're going to be that way, huh?" The penguins nodded. "Well, too bad," I informed them. "Because there is no way I'm losing this job. I love penguins too much. I love you guys too much." "You're getting a little sappy over there," Steve yelled over his shoulder. "Could you turn it down?" "Sorry!" I yelled back, blushing bright red. "Okay, penguins, you're going to penguin boot camp. Got it?" Sam waddled up and bit me. It seemed like a promising start to our new working relationship. |
| I had to laugh at Sam's attitude. He was a sweetheart really-its just it took time to win their confidence. Penguins aren't stupid. They don't cuddle up to anyone and everyone, no siree. Trust has to be established and earned-I still had quite a few scratches and scars from trying to fit in. But its worth it. And I'm sure the new girl would get the hang of it sooner or later. "Ow! Thats ok. Now, lets try this again-No biting children, cause children are too cute too! Not as cute as you, but-" "Morgana...I think you should use positive reinforment." "...huh?" "You know,"I said, gesturing with my hands" How a puppy starts to obey its master when they get treats for doing the right thing?" |
"Do we have any penguin treats?" asked Morgana. "Sure," said Aria with a smile and handed Morgana a bucket of fresh sardines. "Ewwww. This is a treat?" "To a penguin it is." "Actually," I chimed in, "those sardines are mighty tasty. You microwave a couple of those babies for 60 seconds and stick them in a kaiser roll with lots of mustard, a slice of onion and a slice of tomato, and you've got yourself a great little sandwich." This time Aria joined Morgana in saying, "Ewwww!" |
| Okay, Steve was disgusting. Sardines? For humans? Yuck! But for the penguins...it would work. I nodded my head. Yep. This would do. "Okay, Cookie, Sam," I said, brandishing the bucket of sardines. "Are you going to bite anymore? 'Cause if you do, you're not getting any of these...er....yummy...sardines!" Maybe it was the doubtfulness in my tone, but they didn't look convinced to stop their wayward biting ways and become model penguins. "No biting children!" I told them. "Well? Are you going to bite me?" "Um, Morgana," Aria interjected. "You're not a child." "Oh, yeah. Good point," I nodded. "Okay, no biting people. Are you going to bite me?" Sam nodded, then waddled up and bit me. "Ow!" I yelled. "Okay, no sardines for you! What about you, Cookie? Are you going to bite me?" The penguin seemed to consider it for a moment, then shrugged. But Cookie didn't walk up and bite me, which I considered a good sign. "Here, Cookie! Have a sardine!" I said brightly and tossed him one. |
| I watched carefully as Sam eyed the bucket of sardines, and then the new girl. It was trying to decide what to do, I'm sure. Minutes after his little starring game, he was defeated and started to cuddle up to Morgana, purring almost like a kitten. Of course, Morgana ate it up. She gave Sam sardines, petted him and complimented his coat and I knew there be no biting-well, except for the occasional nip. "AW! HE LOVES ME! HE REALLY LOVES ME!" "Thats great Morgana...keep at it. We'll have to ship these penguins off soon." "oh thats right!" Morgana then dropped the bucket and was at my side at an instant, with puppy eyes. "Can I go? PLEASE?! PRETTY PLEASE?!" "What?! I don't know! ask Steve, he's the one driving there! And its not until saturday afternoon!" |
I thought for a moment. Why not? I could use the help. With two of us we could better prevent the penguins from doing anything stupid. So I said, "Sure! Good idea! Be sure to wear something that is party-like and yet not too difficult to clean up if it's covered with fish juice and penguin oil." "What's penguin oil?" asked Morgana. "Oh, you know, the oil they secrete to keep their feathers sleek and waterproof. Look at your hand where you were petting Sam." Morgana held her glistening hand up to her face. "Ewww! Gross! Penguin oil! Get it off! Get it off!" "Hey, calm down. It's not toxic. Are you sure you have enough moxie to handle penguins?" "What's moxie?" "The ability to get penguin oil on your hands and not freak out." Morgana shuddered. "I'm okay. I just wasn't expecting that. Kittens don't have oil." "Well, kittens don't dive into the ocean and catch fish in their mouths." Aria became bright-eyed. "And penguins don't chase little balls of string around the room!" I stared at Aria. "Um, yes, that's right." But Aria wasn't done. "And kittens don't lay eggs!" she added. I had to put a stop to it. "Yes, yes, penguins and kittens are different. I think we've established that." Morgana jumped up. "Oh, I've got one! Kittens purr but penguins squawk!" "Good one!" said Aria. "How about-" "STOP!" I yelled. |
| "Sorry," Aria and I said in unison, then started giggling. Steve didn't look amused. "So I'm going with you?" I said again to make sure. "YES!" Steve yelled, looking exasperated. "You are coming with me and the penguins. Okay?" "Okay," I said in a small voice, then got happy again. "Wait a minute..." my voice trailed off as the utter calamity hit me. "Oh NO!" "What? What is it?" Steve and Aria said. I turned big, tear-filled eyes on them. "I don't have anything to WEAR!" I wailed. |
| "Don't worry. We can go shopping. The shop closes in a an hour or so! we can go shopping, and we can find you something nice to wear" Morgana sniffled, "Really?" "Really! In the mean time...keep training them penguins." She nodded vigorously and went right back to work. Steve shook his head and said something about "crazy girls" but I knew he was just joking. Call it the italian food-or the Mexican food...but my gut said something good was coming our way. |
I felt a brief craving for Mexican food. It was strange how I got sudden hunger pangs at work. At home I never did. Must be something in the air. Aria and Morgana wanted to leave early and go shopping so I locked down the shop myself - just a matter of balancing the cash register (not too hard with no sales) and making sure the penguins were set for the night and then locking the doors. As I drove away from the curb and headed for home I had a brief moment of self-doubt. Was renting penguins really "all I could be"? Maybe I should have joined the Army... Naaaa. I wondered if Morgana and Aria would find anything to buy... |
| I was in Clothes Heaven. Clothes as far as the eye could see...I wasn't even aware my jaw had dropped open until Aria reached over and shut it for me. "Thanks," I said. She nodded. "Well?" Aria asked. "Pick something out!" "But--but there's so much!" I sputtered. "I can't just pick something out!" "Why not?" "Um..." I didn't really have an answer. "Because!" Before she could point out the idiocy of my argument, I sprinted off into the racks of shirts, skirts, pants, and dresses, in a strange delirium of excitement. "How's this?" I asked Aria, pulling out a brilliant purple poufy concoction. "Uh, no," she said. "It would make you look like a cupcake. A diseased cupcake." "Oh." I was off again. "How about this?" "No," she repeated. "EW!" Okay, so it was lime green, fuchsia, and fluorescent orange mixed together in a psychedelic swirl with fringe, but I still think it would have looked cool. "I FOUND IT!" I squealed at the top of my lungs. It was a black dress with a white part in the middle, and the black was almost like a jacket part. "Um, Morgana, it will make you look like a penguin," Aria pointed out. I beamed at her. "I know! Isn't that so cool?" |
| I raised my eyebrows in an odd way, but nodded nonetheless. "Yea, I guess that works. Heck, maybe even Sam and Cookie will listen to you more." Morgana nodded, "Sweet. I'm gonna go and try it on to see if I really look like a penguin." Again, I nodded and took a seat next to the dressing rooms. Normally, I was not very fond of clothes shopping-but it wasn't for me, so I could tolerate it....for an hour anyway. "Are you done Morgana?" "Almost!" Tapping my fingers on the table next to me I stared at some random point, a thousand ideas swimming through my mind. 'why are apples called apples?' 'what is Steve doing?' 'Ireland's flag is 1/3 orange'? Of course, the one question I didn't want to let out,was the one that escaped. Typical. "How did you get straddled with the name Morgana?" |
In the big glass globe that sits on a stand in my study the tiny figures of Aria and Morgana were searching the racks of Clothes Heaven for that perfect outfit. Although it had cost me a small fortune to purchase my Oz Ball, I considered it money well spent. Not that I spied on people's secret lives, because the Oz Ball had a built-in filter to prevent that, but as long as they were in a public place... A question of Aria's caught my attention. How did Morgana get her name? I myself felt it probably derived from the delivery room experience. I could hear that little machine they have in hospital rooms beeping. Most likely Morgana's mom had been unable to decide on a name. She hears the doctor call out, "I see the head. Nurse, hand me the forceps, sponges, and some more gana." The little machine starts beeping faster. Sweat is on the doctor's brow. "Nurse! More gana! Hurry up!" Beep-beep-beep-beep! "More gana!" Beep-beep-beep-beeeeeeeeeee... Then mom woke up several hours later with a beautiful baby girl - Morgana. |
| "My name? Um..." I trailed off, sweat breaking out on my forehead. "Oh, you don't really want to hear that old story..." "Yes, I do," Aria insisted. "Er..." How to explain this? "Have you ever heard the story of King Arthur?" "Uh-huh," Aria motioned for me to continue. "Well, you know the enchantress? Morgan le Fay?" "Yes," Aria said, clearly impatient. "Well, I was named after a Welsh variant of that," I said, thinking please don't ask why, please don't ask why... "Why?" Aria of course asked. "Um...I, uh...I can kind of do magic," I blurted out. "My mom figured it out when the doctor's head turned into a pumpkin." "Are you serious?" Aria choked, starting to laugh. "Yes!" I insisted. "The problem is...it's only pumpkins. I can turn things into pumpkins. And occasionally sardines--another reason the penguins should love me." |
| I scoffed but I was willing to be amazed. After all, faeries exist, so this shouldn't be too weird. "Ok....prove it." Morgana's face paled and she started twitching and playing with the hem of her dress. "I don't know Aria...I mean, what if we get caught, or what if I mess up and accidentaly send us to another dimension, or what if I-" "Look,"I sighed and rubbed my temples. Man that girl can ramble like a pecan pie on tuesday, "just...just turn the chair I'm sitting on to a pumpkin!" "but Aria-" "Do it!" No sooner had I uttered those words that I felt my seat growing much shorter...and much...clicker and wetter...and...and... "EWWW! SARDINES! I SAID PUMPKIN!" "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I freaked!" I was going to giver Morgana a shouting too-but I stopped at stared at the sardines, eyes wide as saucers. "Oh...my...THAT IS COOL!" |
I gasped at the scene in my Oz Ball. Morgana could turn furniture into sardines! We could feed the penguins and not have to pay for sardines anymore! But wait... We would have to buy furniture. Damn! Or would we? People were always throwing out old furniture. How many times had I seen an old sofa by the side of the road? But then I'd have to find a way to lug the sofa back to the shop. I wonder how many sardines a sofa would make? And all that lugging furniture around would get tiring. It was looking as though Morgana's magical gift was no gift at all for me. I returned my attention to the Oz Ball to hear what Morgana was saying. |
| "Really? You think so?" I brightened up. Aria nodded violently. "Yes, that is so cool! We won't have to buy sardines all the time anymore!" Aria said excitedly. "Wow, nobody's ever thought it was cool before..." My eyes started to water. "What do you mean, Morgana?" Aria asked. "I--I showed my best friend b-before when I w-w-was in t-third grade a-a-a-and she c-c-c-c-called me a freak!" I wailed. "Well, if you're a freak, you're a really cool freak," Aria reassured me. "It's awesome you can do magic!" I slumped in happy relief, then remembered I was still trying on the penguin dress and straightened up. "So, uh, you think I should get this dress?" I asked, smoothing out the skirt. |
| "Psh, oh yea for sure." It was a half-lie. Sure, the dress looked great, but truth be told I also wanted to go home. We could have looked at other stuff and gotten something much, much better-but I was tired. And excited about not buying sardines anymore. "But...I...kind of need to you know...turn SOMETHING into sardines." "Oh, thats easy. We can get the trash and you can turn that into tasty sardines. I mean, having it start out as garbage won't affect it will it?" Morgana paused and tapped her fingers to her chin. "Nope, they be just the same, taste the same." "There we go! And think of all the good we'll be doing for mother earth!" Morgana nodded and headed back into the dressing room so she could buy the dress. I stared at the sardines, smiling. Soon after, I kicked the floor of the shop and whispered, "You hear that earth? We are trying to save you!" |
I gazed into the Oz Ball and scratched my chin. Soooo... anything! Morgana could make sardines out of garbage. That put a different spin on it. Except that I would probably be the one who would have to go find the garbage. Still.. that would be cheaper than actually paying money for sardines. I stretched out on my black velvet bed with my hands behind my head and contemplated my image in the mirror on the ceiling. "Steve," I said, "This could be the start of something big." *** Saturday morning I was at the shop bright and early. I had such a big smile for Morgana when she walked in that she turned around to look behind her to see who I was smiling at. "It's Saturday," I said. "Remember we have to take Sam and Cookie to Doctor Peabody's party this afternoon. Are they ready?" |
| "Uh...yeah," I said, still looking around. Why was he smiling so big? It was kind of creepy. "They're fine. Ready-teddy." "What?" Steve asked blankly. I flushed. "Er...they're ready. That's what that means," I explained. "Uh, okay," Steve said, looking at me funny. Oh, well. At least he wasn't smiling in that big creepy way anymore. "How you doing, Cookie, Sam?" I crooned, walking over to them. I was in my new pretty penguin-dress...hey, maybe that's why Steve was smiling so big. Because I looked like a penguin. The penguins smiled at me--or at least, that's what it looked like. "You're not going to bite anybody, are you?" I asked, lightly petting Sam. He shook his head. "Good boy. "So, are we ready to go yet?" I asked, nearly bouncing up and down with excitement. |
| I stepped into the shop, yawning. Boy, I tell ya-if it was up to me, mornings wouldn't exist. I was still half asleep and I swore I saw a few rocks smiling at me. "So, are we ready to go yet?" I winced at Morgana's loud voice. "Ready to go where?" "THE PARTY!" "...The party is,"I consulted my watch and groaned," in five hours. We still have plenty of time-well I mean you still have plenty of time." Morgana sniffled, " But I already have the dress on!" "And she looks great in it!" I nodded at Steve's compliment, somewhat surprised. It was rare for him to hand them out. "Fine...you'll man the register and not work with the penguins until party time, so you don't get messy. Right now, I think I'll have a strong cup of joe and some...nice...yea..." |
Aria poured herself a cup of Joe from her special Joe pot while Morgana and I sipped on a cup of coffee. Finally Morgana said, "Steve, why don't you get your own cup of coffee? I don't really like to share my coffee." "Okay," I said. I could understand that. She hardly knew me. I was just so accustomed to mooching off people, stealing food off their plates at restaurants, sipping from their drinks. It's a bad habit, I know, but you would be surprised how much money you can save that way. The morning whizzed by and then it was party time. "Ready, Morgana? Let's load the penguins in the van. Aria, will you be okay? Remember, don't lock the door and take a nap this time. There could be a customer, you know." |
| I bounced up and down in excitement. It was time for the party! And the penguins! "Okay, I'm ready!" I told Steve, squealing. He winced and held his hands over his ears. "Sorry." I carefully helped load the penguins into the van, treating them like delicate glass figurines. "Uh, Morgana?" Steve said. I turned to look at them. "They're not going to break." "Sorry," I said again, flushing. "I just don't want them to get hurt!" "Okay," he said, raising his eyebrows like he didn't believe me. "Let's go then. Put your seatbelt on." I did, very carefully, so I didn't wrinkle my prettiful dress. "Let's go then!" I said brightly. "Can I get in the van first?" Steve asked. "Oops-yeah! You're the driver," I said. "That would probably be good." |
| I waved at Steve and Morgana as they headed out. I was smiling on the inside, but frightened on the inside. As soon as they where out of sight I went to the resgister and took out a picture I had drawn of a penguin that resembled a God. "Dear Penguin God...I know I don't normally pray to you....heck, sometimes I even doubt you exist! But if you find it in your heart to let this go well....sqawk once!" I closed my eyes and waited for a response. Nothing. Nada. I put the picture back and huffed, "See if I ever ask you for ANYTHING again!" |
Doctor Peabody had a big house in a plush neighborhood. That was good. He would probably pay his bill. I wheeled the Penguinmobile up the long circular driveway and scrunched to an impressive stop throwing gravel across the yard. Morgana said, "Whew! I'm glad we made it here in one piece." I grinned. "I'm still laughing thinking about how that guy kept honking at us after I cut him off at the freeway exit." "Yeah, that was... funny." I could see a tent on the side lawn and kids playing and a table set up. "That must be the party over there," I said. "Come on, Sam! Come on, Cookie! It's party time!" The penguins hopped out of the van and looked around. I knew they would head straight for the swimming pool so I let them find it for us. Doctor Peabody met us halfway there. "Ah, the penguin man! I'm glad you're here. The kids have been asking about you." Morgana smiled. "Is it okay if the penguins cool off in the pool?" "Of course! Care for a dish of ice cream and cake?" "I do!" I said. |
| "Me, too!" I added. I love ice cream and cake! And better yet, if Steve asked first, it meant he wouldn't be eating off my plate. I settled Cookie and Sam into the pool. They paddled about happily, drawing several of the kids over to stare at them. I could see a dumbstruck look in the face of one girl. It looked similar to my own at that age. "What do you think?" I asked her softly, taking a big bite of ice cream. "Penguins..." she said in a daze, drool coming out the corner of her mouth. "So...beautiful..." "What's wrong with her?" Steve asked with his usual tact, ice cream dripping down his shirt. "Ssh!" I told him, stuffing a bite of my cake in his mouth so he'd shut up. Well, it worked! "What's your name?" I asked the girl. "Appaloosa," the girl replied. I looked at her in bewilderment. Her parents had named her after a horse? |
| Tap, tap, tap tap....no matter how much I tapped my fingers on the glass window, time kept on creeping amazingly slow. "I hope I judged the penguin God wrong...I hope Steve won't do anything Stupid. I hope Sam and Cookie don't bite...and I sure has heck hope Morgana doesn't convert any one!" |
"Why are you named after a horse?" I asked the cute little drooling girl. She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and said, "I'm not a horse, I'm a pony." "Ahhh, that's nice," I said. "A pony. Like My Little Pony?" "You have a pony?" "No, I mean the cartoon show My Little Pony. On TV." But the little girl just stared at me. Morgana pointed at the penguins and said, "Their names are Cookie and Sam." "Cookie," mumbled the girl named Appaloosa and a tiny drool drop dripped down her chin. I pushed my plate toward her. "Are you hungry? Want some of my cake?" Then I snatched it back. "Well you can't have any! Hahaha!" Morgana frowned. "Steve... Look! Over there. I think someone's calling you." "Huh?" I said, turning around. "I better go see what they want." As I walked away I could hear Morgana asking Appaloosa, "Do you have any mysterious powers?" |
| "I don't know," Appaloosa shrugged. "Stuff happens around me, if that's what you mean." "Yep," I nodded eagerly, grateful that I had gotten rid of annoying Steve. Well-today, he was being annoying. Normally, he wasn't that bad. "What kind of stuff happens around you?" I asked. She stared at Cookie and Sam for a moment, drool still trailing down her chin, then replied. "Well, sometimes things just...turn into other stuff..." she trailed off doubtfully. "Really?" I blurted into her ear, making her jump and look at me funny. "Er--really? I didn't know that. Like what?" I leaned forward to catch every tiny nuance of her reply. "Um, could you stop leaning over me like that?" Appaloosa asked. "You're creeping me out." "Sorry," I said insincerely. "So--like what?" |
| Lunch time had arrived, so as usual I got out the sardines from the freezer. I had fogotten to tell Morgana to leave some sardines behind, but lucky for me, there was enough to feed them for one more week. Things where peaceful without Steve. I wanted to sleep so badly. Closing my eyes, I was about to off to la-la land when the phone stared to ring. |
I was talking to Doctor Peabody when the first bat flew by. "Did you see that?" he said. "It looked like a bat." "I believe it was," I answered as the second and third bats made their appearance and then the sky grew dark with bats. Children screamed. I ran toward the van. Someone grabbed my arm and stopped me. It was Morgana. Her eyes were supernaturally bright. "She does bats, Steve! Isn't that amazing? Bats!" I pried Morgana's hand off my arm. "What are you talking about?" A bat landed on Morgana's head but flew off when I tried to swat it. The air was filled with strange squeakings and flapping noises. "Appaloosa!" Morgana had to shout over the bat noises. "She's a soulmate! She can transform things into bats!" I knocked a bat off my own head. It fluttered to the ground, squeaking, but then recovered and flapped away. The horde of bats was circling higher now and then suddenly they flew off toward the West. I shook my head. "Whew! That was scary for a moment!" Morgana's eyes were shining with tears. "Isn't it wonderful, Steve? I'm not the only one." "Uh... yeah, that's wonderful. I hope the penguins didn't freak out. I don't see them anywhere." The children quickly recovered from their panic. Now they were excited and chattering about the bats and pointing at the sky. I didn't see Appaloosa among them, but my attention was focused on finding Cookie and Sam. |
| "Don't worry, they're over there!" I yelled, pointing. Sam and Cookie were huddled under a bush, looking suspiciously at Appaloosa. "Thank GOD!" Steve shouted, falling to his knees beside them and hugging them both. I hugged the other side of the penguins, looking into their adorable little faces and realizing it was amazing that Appalooosa hadn't transformed them, too. "Am I in trouble?" Appaloosa asked in a tiny voice, fidgeting beside me. "Of course not," I reassured her. "Just no more turning things into bats right now, okay, honey?" "Okay," Appaloosa nodded happily. It was then I realized a large thorn was stabbing me. "OW!" I yelled, falling forward over the penguins. "Oof!" |
| "Get up! Get up!" I screamed, mostly just to hear myself scream. My doctor said a good scream can be emotionally refreshing. But I didn't feel refreshed, just distraught, anxious, and out-of-sorts. Morgana and the penguins sat staring at me. "Oh," I said. "I guess I better stop screaming now. Well... This has been quite a party. Maybe we should leave now." "Will we still get paid if we leave now?" Morgana asked. "Hmmm... good point. Okay, mingle with the guests. I'll find a phone and call Aria. The phone rang and rang but no answer. Damn! Did Aria leave the shop? And she promised to stay there and watch it. I knew she'd get bored and wander off. She has the attention span of a flea. But otherwise a very nice person. Just fidgety. Morgana and the penguins were playing dodge ball with the kids. "Sam! Not so hard!" I called. Sam balanced the ball on his foot like it was an egg and tossed it at a little boy who caught it and threw it at Morgana. She seemed to be a favorite target. The penguins were too good at dodging while Morgana was getting smashed every time. I hoped she wouldn't get any bruises. |
| I knew that I was getting covered in bruises, the way the little monsters kept throwing the ball at me. Weren't the penguins supposed to be the focus of dodge ball? Not me? "Ow, ow, ow," I yelled as the ball hit me for the gazillionth time. "Come on-why don't you throw it at Steve?" "What?" Steve yelped. The children looked at him with evil intent in their eyes. "Sic him!" I yelled. The children converged on Steve, who looked trapped. They threw the ball at him, which hit him and rebounded, whereupon they hit him again. I started laughing hysterically, cheering. "Get him! Get him!" I chanted. Sam waddled up and nodded at me. I nodded back. "This is so unfair!" Steve shrieked like a girl. I clapped my hands. This was actually turning out to be a pretty good party... |
| "Man!" I groaned as a dial tone answered me. I missed the call, and I really hope it wasn't from Steve. Or Morgana. Or a penguin in distress. Shaking of the sand of dreams, I went to once again feed the penguins. "Come and get it!" No need to tell them twice. They came flocking to me, like starving gold fish. Only, penguins have souls. Endy and Serenity had buckets of fish at their doorstep so I needn't worry about them. Again, the phone rang. Flinging the rest of the fish towards the pool I ran to it. "Rent-a-Penguin this is Aria" "where you asleep?!" "NO! I was just busy Steve!" "Huh, yea sure..." I slapped the table, wishing it was Steve. Memo to me-hit Steve. "Hows the party?" "Oh great! No biting!...although the kids did beat the crap out of me.." "Ah, I'm only sorry I missed it. You almost done?" "Yep...we'll be there in like 45 minutes. DON"T FALL ASLEEP!" Steve hung up the phone and I stuck my tounge out at him-well, as best as I could seeing as he wasn't there. I looked up at the ceiling, smiling. "Perhaps you heard me after all, Penguin god...don't screw it up!" |
Riding back to the shop was painful for Morgana and myself. We were bothered with bruises. "That tall little girl really had a strong arm," I said. "The one the kids were calling Anne the Man." "I know," moaned Morgana. "I ache all over. At least the penguins behaved and we got paid." "Yeah, that's the good part." I switched on the radio and found my favorite jazz station. Everytime Aria uses the van she retunes the radio to her weird station featuring bands I never heard of. Suddenly an announcer's voice broke in... This is an Amber Alert. Missing child. Girl, age 9. Name, Appaloosa Jones, last seen wearing... Morgana gasped. "Omigod, Steve! Appaloosa!" "I wonder what happened?" I said. "I hope she's okay. Maybe she got scared after the bats and hid somewhere." "I saw her after that, but then you pushed me into that stupid game of dodge ball and I don't remember seeing her again." I eased the van into the alley behind the shop. "Home, guys!" I called and Sam and Cookie started squawking happily. And I was sure I also heard a little girl's giggle. I looked hard at Morgana. |
| "She couldn't have..." I trailed off doubtfully. "I think she did," Steve answered, his voice grim. We raced into the shop, barely stopping to grab Cookie and Sam. Well--I grabbed Cookie and Sam. Steve just let me struggle along holding both penguins. Same old Steve. Appaloosa sat by Aria, giggling and talking to her while petting Endymion. "Appaloosa!" Steve and I yelled in unison. She looked up, and guilt spread over her expression. "Hi, guys," she said in a tiny voice, waving. I set Cookie and Sam down and they waddled over, seeming to chastise her with their expressions. "Appaloosa, there's an Amber Alert out for you," I said sternly. "Why are you at the Rent-a-Penguin Shop?" "I'm sorry, I just...I love penguins, I couldn't help myself!" she cried uncontrollably. "It was so...so tempting." "How'd you get here, anyway?" Steve asked, and we all turned to Appaloosa to hear her answer. |
| Poor little girl! She couldn't stop crying enough to explain. So being the kindhearted woman I was, I stepped in to rescue her. "Its like this. See, Appaloosa got one of the fliers we handed out, and being he smart little girl she is, found the adress all be herself. Now, she entered the shop-and much like Morgana-practically ran into the back room. Lucky I was there to stop her and explain the rules. Then Endy came over, and he seemed to take a liking to her and...heh we'll here we are!" "*sniffle*...heh yea...what she said!" Steve and Morgana looked at me, their expressions grim if not slightly angry. "Look, its not my fault the kid got away from the party. Those be be pretty lousy parents to not notice her gone-" "But they did!" "Well, they didn't notice when she went did they!" Steve rubbed hsi temples, but Morgana was now playing with the girl and the rest of the penguins, not really caring about our conversation anymore. "Fine, ok ok...we need to call her parents or the cops, or someone..." |
"That would be the responsible thing to do," I said. "Or we could just let Appaloosa live here with the penguins and become a penguin girl who could speak the penguin language and be an interpreter for us." Aria nodded. "And that would be the irresponsible thing to do. Now, let's discuss jail time and who will watch the shop while we are incarcerated." "I will!" beamed Morgana. Aria and I stared at her. "No, really, I will! You know I love penguins. I'll keep watch until you two get out of the slammer. And if it's going to be like, years or something, then I'll help you escape." "Yes," said Aria, "that's certainly one way events could unfold, but I really believe I want to cast my vote for calling the police." "Awww," I said and exchanged a shrug with Morgana. "Aria always wants to be the grown-up. And yet she's the youngest. It's ironic, isn't it?" "Very," said Morgana. "Hey!" I said. "Where did Appaloosa go? Wasn't she right here a minute ago?" |
| "Not again," I groaned, looking wildly around. "Appaloosa? Where are you? We're not going to call the police," I promised. "Hey-what do you mean?" Aria demanded, but I ignored her. Sam waddled over to me, and pointed his head toward the back. Taking that to mean Appaloosa was back there, not that I was going crazy thinking penguins were talking to me, I headed back there. "Don't send me back!" Appaloosa wailed, draped in penguins. "I don't want to go back! I want to be with you-and the penguins!" "Aw...that's so touching," Steve said, coming in behind me with Aria. "Ew, what do you mean? Don't touch me!" Appaloosa squealed, inching away from him. "That's not what he means, honey," Aria explained. "He just thinks it's sweet." "Yep," Steve nodded. "Do you want to stay here and be our little penguin girl?" I asked. "If Steve and Aria go to jail, I'll bake them a cake with a file in it, and I'll go steal you back." "Gee, thanks," Steve grumbled, but I wasn't listening. "Really?" Appaloosa said. I nodded. "Yay! Of course I want to stay and be your little penguin girl!" She jumped up and hugged all three of us at the same time. |
"Don't panic," I said. "If we play our cards right the coppers will never catch us." Aria rolled her eyes. "Steve, you can't even win a game of UNO. How are you going to play your cards right?" "Forget the cards then. We'll play checkers with them. You know I'm good at checkers, right?" Morgana was frowning. "Am I missing something here? I get the feeling you people are treating this whole thing like a game." "No," I said. "It's no game. This is deadly serious. It's a matter of life or death." Aria rolled her eyes again. "Aw, c'mon. It's not THAT serious." "It's serious enough," I said, a grim, fatalistic smile on my ruggedly-carved features. "I want some cereal," Appaloosa said. "Some Cheerios." I waved her off. "So wiggle your nose and make it happen, Bat Girl." "Steve!" admonished Morgana. "You don't have to be rude to Appaloosa. It's not her fault she's a little batty." "You only say that because you're a little fishy." Morgana drew herself up tall. "You're just jealous because you can't turn anything into anything." I decided not to bring up my well-known ability to turn beans and cheese into methane gas. She would hear about it soon enough. |
| "We have to stop stabbing each other in the back and figure out a plan," I said, glaring at Steve, who held a sardine pointed at my back. He shrugged and looked innocent. "What?" Aria asked in a panic, fluttering her hands. "Don't do that," Steve told her. "It makes you look like you belong in Gone With the Wind." "Well, what's wrong with that?" I chimed in. "Hello? Classic! Er...I mean, we have to start figuring out a plan if the cops find Appaloosa." "Like what?" Steve asked, gesturing toward the little girl. "If anybody comes in here at all, they're going to figure out who she is." "Not necessarily," Aria suddenly said with determination. "I have a plan..." |
| Coughing, I looked at my co-workers and the little girl. "We can keep her here, and dress her as a penguin girl! And we can exploit her! Saying she's some sort of...half girl half penguin...thing!" "....That's sarcasm isn't it?" "OF COURSE STEVE! We CANNOT keep a child here without her parents suing out butts and landing us in jail and then who KNOWS what will happen to the penguins!" At this, the girl started bawling and the penguins ran for cover under the water. "I...I don't, don't wanna...go home!!!" "We can't keep you here! We'll get in trouble!" "Oh come on Aria!" Morgana hugged the girl and looked at me with puppy eyes. Shaking my head I slapped Steve's head, needing to get out my frustrations in some way. "Ok ok!...Look...how about we call her parents, and after they are reunited, they can let her visit or something?" |
"Shhhh!" I said. "Do you hear something?" Aria put her hands on her hips. "Are you referring to the noise of vehicles pulling up outside, the sound of car doors slamming, the tramp of booted feet, the heavy knocking on the door?" "Yes, that's the noise. What do you think it is?" A loud voice boomed through the door. "Open up! Police!" "Well, " I said. "It looks like it's decision time. Are we going to hide Appaloosa or give her to the Men in Black?" "Steve!" screamed Aria. "Wake up! Come to your senses! A SWAT team is about to storm through that door. It's over! They win!" "Not necessarily. Morgana? How fast can you run carrying a child hidden in a laundry bag slung over your shoulder?" |
| "Not very, but I can try," I admitted. "Why can't you do it, though?" "I have a back problem," Steve lied. "You do not," Aria accused. "Whatever, just give me the kid," I interrupted. They settled Appaloosa on my back in a laundry sack. "I hope nobody went around back," I muttered to myself apprehensively. "Of course they did," Aria said reassuringly. "We're all doomed." "Sssh, Aria," Steve said. "You'll freak Morgana out." "Too late," I said. "I'm already freaked out." I peeked out the back door. Nobody was there. I sighed quietly with relief and slipped out, wishing that I was wearing better shoes. High heels aren't very conducive to running a marathon with a child on your back...a child who was becoming heavier by the minute. I took off down the street, my hair streaming back like I was Aphrodite in that race for the golden apples...or something like that, I didn't pay very much attention in Mythology. "Hey, you, stop!" I heard a voice yell behind me. I wasn't going to stop! I put on a burst of speed, feeling Appaloosa bounce all over my back. You're going on a diet, honey, I thought. The instant the cops aren't looking for you. "Stop or I'll shoot!" the voice yelled. Oops. |
Morgana escaped out the back door with Appaloosa on her back in a sack. I heard a muffled "Wheeee!" come from the bag. The door started splintering as the cops rammed it open. I embraced Aria. "This is it. At least Morgana and Appaloosa escaped to freedom." Aria shoved me away from her. "You idiot! This isn't the Cold War! You're aiding and abetting a kidnapping!" The door smashed open and men in black with helmets and guns poured through. "Freeze! Put up your hands! Where's the kid!" One of them raced for the back door and yelled, "Through here! They're getting away!" Half the cops squeezed through the back exit ("Get out of my way! I was here first!") while the other half held their guns pointed at Aria and me. We reached for the ceiling. From outside came the sound of three gunshots. "Oh no!" cried Aria. "They shot Morgana!" But after another 15 minutes the cops stumbled back in, puffing for air, sweat on their faces. "Man, that chick can run!" said one of them. "Yeah," said his pal. "Did you see her leap that fence? It's like she was WonderWoman or something." I winked at Aria and whispered, "They made it!" Aria shook her head sadly. "You pathetic deluded fool. You don't even know the trouble you are getting us into." |
| "I can't believe I jumped the fence," I whispered to Appaloosa. I was holed up in a raggedy old back yard somewhere. Appaloosa was so off my back, she was so dang heavy. I swear I ruptured something. "When do you think we can go back?" Appaloosa asked. I started laughing maniacally. "Go back? We can probably never go back! A-ha-ha-ha!" "Uh, Morgana? Stop laughing. It's scaring me," Appaloosa said. "Oh. Sorry. Well, we can probably go back in a few hours. By then, hopefully they'll have realized Steve and Aria don't have you, and also hopefully they won't be in jail." "Okay," Appaloosa nodded. We settled down for a long, boring couple of hours. |
| "Alright Miss! Both of you on the ground now!" Sighing, I struggled briefly against the officers until they let go. Running a hand through my hair I faced what I think was the leader. He was about my height and his beady eyes where as black coffee. "Look Officer-" "Meyer." "Right, Officer Meyer. There's been some sort of misunderstanding, you see-" "You kidnapped a child!" "We did NOT kidnap the kid ok? Look, I was working with the penguins, and this little girl shows up ok? I had no clue where she came from, and I figured her parents where outside or something." "A likely story! Arrest them!" Steve started whimpering Anger filled me and I found myself cursing Morgana and that girl. Why, oh why do these things keep happening! "No look here officer! We have cameras in this store, so I can PROVE that the girl just walked into the store!" I looked Officer Meyer in the eye, silently challenging him. Seconds turned into minutes, and I think minutes turned into a very akward hour. Finally, the Officer backed down. "Very well...call back your other co-worker and I'm sure we can all work this out..though the child still needs to be returned." "Good!" I picked up Steve by the scruff of his neck and pointed a finger accusingly at him. "NO...MORE...MISHAPS! You call Morgana on her cell, and tell her to come back here WITH the kid! Don't mess this up Steve! our whole SHOP depends on you doing this...I'll stay here and see if I can get any of these cops to rent penguins...got it?" |
I debated the pros and cons of following another one of Aria's screwball "let's do everything legally" plans. True, the security camera tape would show Appaloosa entering the store under her own power, but then how to explain Morgana running out of the store with Appaloosa in a sack on her back? Hmmmm... Then I realized there was no sound on the tape. No one would know it was my idea for Morgana to run off with the kid. On the tape it would just look like when the cops came to the front door Morgana stuffed Appaloosa in a laundry bag and ran out the back door. So really it was up to Morgana to come up with an explanation for her actions, wasn't it? She couldn't just say, "Steve told me to do it." Who was I? Her daddy? No, of course not. I was just some poor schmoe in old khaki pants who ran a rent-a-penguin shop. It's not like I was the Godfather or something. "Okay, Aria," I said. "I'll call Morgana on my cell, but I sure hope she doesn't get into any trouble for running off with Appaloosa when the cops came." Aria glared at me. "If you guys had listened to ME there wouldn't be any trouble." Into the cell I said "Hello? Morgana?" |
| "Steve?" I said anxiously. "You need to come back," he whispered into the phone. "It's okay. We're not being accused of kidnapping anymore." "Come on, Appaloosa," I prodded the half-asleep girl at my side. "We have to go." "Okay," she muttered. We trudged back, holding hands. I was about to fall over; everything hurt. You try carrying a kid on your back and leaping over a fence. I was just thanking the stars that I wasn't a guy, or I would have died or something leaping over the fence. The instant I came through the door, the cops grabbed me. "Hey!" I protested, outraged. "Why are you grabbing me? Steve said it was all right!" "You stuffed the kid in a laundry sack and took off," the main cop pointed out. "But-but, Steve told me to!" I spluttered. "Steve says he didn't," the cop countered. "Ha! I know full well he did! And I have proof!" I yelled, pulling out a tape recorder and pushing "Play." "Stop or I'll shoot!" echoed through the store. I blushed. "Er...I have to rewind it," I said, suiting actions to words. "How fast can you run carrying a child hidden in a laundry bag slung over your shoulder?" Steve's voice said. Steve turned bright red and looked around, trying to hide. "Not so fast," the cop warned. "You lied!" "Yeah!" I chimed in. "Shame on you, trying to get poor little me arrested!" "Stop fighting!" Appaloosa wailed. "This is all my fault!" And then all heck broke loose. |
| "MY BABY!" I was RUDELY pushed aside by some woman and guy who grabbed Appaloosa and got her into a bear hug. "My poor, poor baby! What have these EVIL,VILE, PEOPLE DO TO YOU!?" "Nothing Mommy and Daddy! I-" "Oh, our child is dilussional!" "Mr. Ellen, we need you to go down to the station with us." So many voices where swimming through the store that I tought the penguins would get over excited and then, all hell really WOULD break loose. I climbed on top of a random chair and whistled loudly. "OK LISTEN UP!" I pointed to the parents "your girl just walked in here and we did NOT kidnap her, and we have evidence of that, so quit trying to brainwash her!" I then pointed to the cops who I noticed where shaking a little, "AND YOU!...STEVE was merely trying to protect the girl EVEN when I told him to not tell Morgana to leave with her! We are not criminals, we don't kidnap little girls and-" I clapped my hands loudly, so much so that everyone jumped and whimpered as they cornered themselves by the register. Chibi-Chibi came waddling in and jumped into my arms. I gently stroked his back and got on my "please-don't-hate-me-but-love-me-look" "I mean*sniffle* nobody evil can take care of penguins..." |
One of the cops had a tear in his eye. "Yeah. *sniff* Them penguins is the cutest little things I ever saw." "Shut up, Morris!" bawled a big, beefy cop. "How many times have I told you not to get sentimental when we're busting criminals?" "Sorry, Dan," Morris said, pulling out a handkerchief and wiping his eyes. "Now the way I see it," said Dan, "is that Mister and Misses Jones here have there daughter back. She apparently came here under her own power. The penguin people may be a little strange but they didn't harm the kid. So I say the whole thing breaks even and we should all go home now." "But officer-" began Mrs Jones, but her husband interrupted her. "Martha, we have Appaloosa back and it's probably best that we leave now before anything happens." "What do you mean... anything happens?" "You know," he said. And flapped his arms like bat wings. "Ohhhh," she said, nodding her head. "Right... Well, thank you officer. You did a splendid job. We're so happy to get our daughter back. We have to go now. It was nice meeting you penguin people." "Thanks, I said. "Bye-bye!" |
| I waved sadly to Appaloosa. Tears were swimming in her eyes, almost like little translucent fishies. "Wait!" I said, suddenly struck by an idea. My head hurt for a little bit. "I have an idea! Since Appaloosa loves penguins so much, what if she came down to the shop on weekends or something to help?" "Hmm..." her mother mused. Her father made flapping bat wings again in her peripheral vision. "Sure!" her mom agreed hastily. "Appaloosa can come help sometimes." "Yay!" Appaloosa cheered. "I get to be with the penguins!" |
| I waved good-bye to the girl and her family. And the numerous cops pouring out. When all was said and done, I turned back to my co-workers, an evil gleam in my eye. "THIS...would have been so much more BETTER...if you had ONLY listened to me!" "How much fun would that have been?" I had the urge to smack Morgana...but I only reserved that for Steve. "GAH! Well, next time, we will do what I say. The only reason I'm letting you guys off the hook is because a policeman wants to throw a party for his co-workers...and he wants the penguins to go." "NEAT! I can't wait to go! Oh, Steve we will have so much fun and-" "Morgana, I think this time I will go with Steve. And you will stay with the penguins." Morgana frowned and sat down. "aw, why?" "Cause I don't want todays little stunt repeated. Now, its not until 2 days from now, so we have time to find the penguins some uniforms." Steve cracked his fingers cowboy style and walked over to the register. "Well, then I guess we better get crackin!" |
I pulled out the small bag of Ritz crackers I had hidden in the cash drawer, opened it, and munched on a cracker while I gazed at the ceiling. "Is that the best cracking you can do?" asked Aria. "I can crack pecans," I said. "I'm from the South. I can crack a pecan shell and leave the meat perfectly intact. And not using a nutcracker either. Just by squeezing two pecans against each other in my fist." "That's fascinating, Steve. Another one of your 'skills', huh?" "Yes," I said proudly. "I have many skills. What about you, Morgana? I mean... besides the sardine thing. That's very impressive, of course, but it's not really a skill, is it? You were born with it. You didn't have to learn it. I had to learn my skills. That's why I'm so proud of them. I hope I don't seem too proud?" |
| "No, not at all," I said dryly, a neat feat considering my eyes were all soggy. "I can sing, I guess," I considered after several moments. "You have to learn to sing properly. And I can fix motorcycles." "What?" Steve asked, looking bewildered. "I can fix motorcycles," I repeated. "It's because of my neighbor. He had a whole cavalcade and it was fun to help him. Somehow, it reminded me of penguins." I trailed off, staring into the distance, as if I could see a penguin on that old motorcycle... |
| I shook my head. Why, oh WHY is this happening to me? Out of frustration I grabbed Steve's crackers and threw them to Chibi-chibi, who gobbled them all up. "Why did you do that?" "Cause I'm still mad at you!" Steve pouted and started to sulk on his chair, grumbling something about "not my fault the girl came here." Sighing, I looked over at Morgana, who was daydreaming about...something. "Morgana.....the penguins are hungry." She looked at me a little weirdly. "Um...ok, but I already fed them yesterday." I rolled my eyes and tried my best to impersonate a sardine. She got my cue and slapped her forehead. "Ouch...oh, yea! Heh right...so um...what are we going to use?" |
"What kind of uniforms?" I asked. "Wait a minute, Steve," Aria said. "I'm working on a sardine problem now. One thing at a time." "Sorry. I'll think it through for myself." "No!" said Aria. "Don't do that! Something bad always happens when you do that. Let's all think it through together. And please value my input this time." "I always value your input." I rummaged around under the counter looking for another package of crackers while Morgana and Aria discussed the sardine problem. |
| "Well, I need something to turn into sardines," I pointed out. "I can't just turn air molecules into sardines--I have to be able to see what I'm changing, and frankly, my vision sucks." "Yeah, no kidding," Aria muttered under her breath. I squinted at her suspiciously. "Did you say something?" "Oh, no," she instantly declaimed. "Nothing at all." "Really," I murmured, still suspicious. "Okay, so what can we afford to lose? Steve?" "Hey!" he protested, standing up, mouth full of crackers. "Ew!" Aria and I exclaimed in chorus. "Shut your mouth!" "Sorry," he said indistinctly, disappearing for more crackers under the counter. "Okay, so turning Steve into a bunch of sardines is out," I said, still grinning at his muffled cry of outrage. "Why don't we look in the alley for garbage," Aria suggested. "Okay," I nodded. "Sounds good." |
| Before strolling out into the alley I made Steve promise me he wasn't going to taunt the penguins or do something that would call the wrath of wind upon us. "Man! There are a ton of bags filled with garbage here!" "Yea, and all of them are waiting to be turned into Sardines by you Morgana! So grab them all!" Morgana looked at me with a sheepish grin on her face, "Um...can you grab them? I sprained my back carrying the little girl--well...RUNNING with her hitting my back really..." I shook my head and smiled "Nope! Thats what you get for listening to Steve. Come now, the penguins--they need to feed!." |
Aria and Morgana dragged a couple of bags of garbage in from the alley. I was very interested in exactly HOW Morgana did her sardine magic, so I sat down to watch. Morgana dumped the garbage out on the floor and then extended her arms out over the pile. Her eyes rolled back until the whites were showing. She opened her hands and waved her fingers. In a deep voice she chanted, "Come, little fishies, come to me. What once was garbage, now fish will be. Fly through the sky and swim to the sea. Come, little fishies, come to me." The garbage began to vibrate and clatter around on the floor. "Omigod!" I said. "This is EPIC!" Suddenly there was a flash of light and a loud clap of thunder. A voice boomed from the sky, "You have exceeded your bandwith allotment for the month. Please try again later." Morgana slumped to the floor, a little drool at the corner of her mouth. I rushed over. "Morgana! Morgana! Are you alright?" Her eyes fluttered open. She tried to focus on me. "Steve... I..." Then she fell back in a faint. Aria looked at me, concern in her face. "What happened? Where's the sardines? "I think something went wrong," I said. Morgana's eyes fluttered open again and she tried to sit up. |
| I opened my eyes to reveal the blurry images of Steve and Aria leaning over me. "Ow," I moaned, trying to sit up. They both rushed to help me. "What happened?" "Uh..." they exchanged glances. "You found out it was a lot less mystical than you thought, didn't you," I sighed. "Sorry. Don't worry, I'm not an alien or anything. It's just--my mom had some very interesting contacts in her youth. That was one of them." "Really," Aria said skeptically. I nodded. "Well, how are we supposed to feed the penguins?" "I don't suppose they like pumpkin?" I joked weakly. |
"No," I said. "They don't like pumpkin, but are you saying you can make pumpkins, too? Hmmm... I'm seeing profit potential in that. Come Halloween... But that's a long way off. Our immediate problem is to stay alive for a few more seconds." "Huh?" said Aria and both of the women stared at me. "That's always top priority, isn't it? Staying alive?" Aria frowned. "You're not going to sing disco now, are you?" "Ha ha ha! You know I can't sing. I've got a BeeGees CD right here!" I popped the CD in the player and the BeeGees' falsetto voices filled the room with "Unh unh unh unh - staying alive!" Morgana grabbed her ears. "Omigod! Turn it off! Turn it off!" I flicked the switch. Morgana rubbed her head. "What WAS that? I thought my brain was going to explode." |
| "It was the BeeGees," Steve said huffily. I heaved an exaggerated sigh and slumped down, still rubbing at my head. "I think my ears are bleeding," I told him. He looked offended. "Hey!" I sat up with a sudden brilliant thought. "I have an idea on how to feed the penguins!" "What?" Aria and Steve chorused. I put my finger to my lips. "Shush! They might hear you! Come closer," I said. They came closer. "Closer." Again. "Closer!" "Is this close enough?" Steve asked, his voice muffled by a mouthful of hair. "Ew! Okay, you can back up a little," I said. "Well, what is it?" Aria said in a hushed voice. "What if," I took a quick look around. Satisfied, I continued. "What if I went into the alley, where none of the penguins could see, and I turned a bunch of stuff into pumpkins, but then we shaped the pumpkin innards like sardines? Do you think that would work?" |
| I sighed. "No, no! They don't eat imatation sardines. They eat the real thing!" Morgana looked down at her feet, looking deppressed. Steve stared at us back and forth humming some song I've never heard of. "I'm sorry Aria..." Again, I sighed. "Ok, ok, we can fix this...we can fix this. Does anything make you concentrate on making sardines? ANYTHING?" At first, morgana shook her head-but in mid shake, she starting nodding as if her life depended on it. "Yes! There is one thing!" "Well, what is it? The penguins...they grow hungry!" Steve started dragging his foot around in Igor style. So i gave him a little nudge. "Quiet! well...what is it? We'll do anything to help!" Morgana's smile turned into a cheshire grin, "Who want's to be the carpenter, and who wants to be the walrus?" I stared at her, shocked. It wasn't until the words fully sunk in that I lifted my hand up into the air, as I was taught in grade school and shouted, "I want to be the carpenter!" |
I backed away slowly. "I'm not going to be the walrus again! All through school I had to be the walrus. It was always: Hey, everybody! We need a walrus! Oh! Steve's here! Steve can be the walrus!" I raised my fists high. "And then one day I vowed: Never again! I am through being the walrus! My walrus days are over! You'll just have to-" "Steve!" Morgana shouted. "Just calm down and listen to my simple plan..." |
| "You're going to be the walrus," I stated firmly. Steve started crying like a baby. "Oh, stop it," I retorted. "You're acting like a child." "I don't wanna be the walrus," Steve said, sticking his lower lip out. "Just think they're like penguins, okay?" I said. "Okay, now. We've all read the Alice in Wonderland books, I hope?" "You mean with the lobster quadrille and everything?" Aria piped up. I nodded. "Exactly. Okay, you also remember the part about the walrus and the carpenter?" "Yes," Steve sniffed. "Well," I drawled. "Here's what we're going to do..." |
| "We are going to re-enact their little scene!" "Wait, wait wait!" I walked up really close to Morgana and looked her straight in the eye. "The movie version or the book version?" "Which you you prefer?" "The book really. Makes your imagination work more you know?" Morgana nodded and I smiled. I grabbed a hammer from our closet of tricks, while Steve continued to cry about always being the walrus. Eventually, I got him to fashion tusks out of papers and his crying settled down. "Alright," I said, eager to get started, "Let's get on with it then!" |
As I plugged the paper tusks into my nostrils I felt a transformation sweeping through my body. By golly, I really WAS a walrus! "Argh! Argh!" I barked and Aria looked at me with questioning eyes, but it was true, I was a walrus. Unfortunately, the penguins noticed, too, and began waddling around in a panic. With my new walrus senses I knew what they were squawking: "Walrus alert! Walrus alert! We are under attack! Man the defenses!" Within seconds they had constructerd a snow fort and a 3-hour supply of ice ball ammunition. The first shot was fired and I let out a mighty "Arrrrgh!" of pain when they scored a direct hit on me. I charged the fort, arghing loudly, and was almost upon it when I slipped on the ice, fell flat on my face, and knocked loose my paper tusks. "What happened?" I muttered as my feeling of humanity returned. |
| "The penguins attacked you," I said with chagrin. "I didn't foresee that. They thought you were a real walrus." "You have got to be kidding me," Steve groaned, sitting up. "Oh my God!" I shrieked. "You're bleeding!" "I am?" he said, wild-eyed, his face turning white as a sheet. "Yeah, on your forehead," Aria said helpfully. Steve put a hand up to his head, looked at the blood on his fingers, and fainted. "Nice going, Aria," I said. "You shouldn't have told him that." "Well, you're the one who told him he was bleeding in the first place!" Aria defended herself. "That's because I was surprised," I said, albeit weakly. "We need to wake him up," Aria said. "The penguins are looking restless." I grabbed a cup of water, not ice water, just regular room temperature water, and dumped it over his face. He woke, sputtering indignantly, that I had just thrown ice cubes on him. "I did not," I said, flicking more water at him. "See? It's just room temperature." Steve didn't seem to appreciate the difference. "The penguins still need to be fed," I remembered. "What do we do now?" |
| Groaning I swiftly hearded the penguins into the next room, locking the door. Before I could blink, and before the earth could move, I had settled the garbage in the middle of the floor. And even quicker, so much more quicker that the sun missed my move, I had put Steve's tusk back on, "WE ARE DOING THIS NOW AND BY GOD THERE BETTER BE A LOT OF SARDINES WHEN I'M DONE!" I drew in a long breath-so long I'd thought I would implode! "The sun was shining on the sea, Shining with all his might: He did his very best to make The billows smooth and bright-- And this was odd, because it was The middle of the night. The moon was shining sulkily, Because she thought the sun Had got no business to be there After the day was done-- "It's very rude of him," she said, "To come and spoil the fun!" The sea was wet as wet could be, The sands were dry as dry. You could not see a cloud, because No cloud was in the sky: No birds were flying overhead-- There were no birds to fly. The Walrus and the Carpenter Were walking close at hand; They wept like anything to see Such quantities of sand: "If this were only cleared away," They said, "it would be grand!" Here I drew another breath, although Steve was barking and arfing and not paying much attention. Morgana, who had just stared up until this point started smiling out of the corners of her mouth, so I thought it wise to continue "If seven maids with seven mops Swept it for half a year. Do you suppose," the Walrus said, "That they could get it clear?" "I doubt it," said the Carpenter, And shed a bitter tear. "O Oysters, come and walk with us!" The Walrus did beseech. "A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk, Along the briny beach: We cannot do with more than four, To give a hand to each." The eldest Oyster looked at him, But never a word he said: The eldest Oyster winked his eye, And shook his heavy head-- Meaning to say he did not choose To leave the oyster-bed. But four young Oysters hurried up, All eager for the treat: Their coats were brushed, their faces washed, Their shoes were clean and neat-- And this was odd, because, you know, They hadn't any feet." Four other Oysters followed them, And yet another four; And thick and fast they came at last, And more, and more, and more-- All hopping through the frothy waves, And scrambling to the shore. The Walrus and the Carpenter Walked on a mile or so, And then they rested on a rock Conveniently low: And all the little Oysters stood And waited in a row. Morgana was starting to giggle, and I knew that soon we(meaning the penguins) woudl have a feast! That or a great calamity. "The time has come," the Walrus said, "To talk of many things: Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax-- Of cabbages--and kings-- And why the sea is boiling hot-- And whether pigs have wings." "But wait a bit," the Oysters cried, "Before we have our chat; For some of us are out of breath, And all of us are fat!" "No hurry!" said the Carpenter. They thanked him much for that. "A loaf of bread," the Walrus said, "Is what we chiefly need: Pepper and vinegar besides Are very good indeed-- Now if you're ready, Oysters dear, We can begin to feed." Morgana was full out laughing and rolling around in the trash-but I could smell sardines! I drew in a short breath and went to the finale!But then I stopped short as I looked around. By then, the room was FULL of sardines! beautiful smelly sardines! Removing Steve's tusks(which was hard because he was blubbering like a baby and flapping around as best he could) I crumpled to the floor--tired and almost out of voice. "well....glad...*gasp* it....*huff* worked!" |
| That night as I lay in my bunk recuperating from my exhausting experience of being a walrus, I wondered why I was still sleeping in a bunk bed. Why not buy a real bed like normal people? I'd been sleeping in that bunk since I was a little boy and it was starting to smell bad. "A new bed..." I murmured as I drifted off to sleep. During the night I dreamed I could view my life from a distance, could see myself as a character in a story, and would write down the experiences of that character so others could read about them. When I woke up the dream was forgotten and I leaped/lept out of bed and into my pants/trousers, grabbed a cup/mug of coffee/tea and put the key in my auto/car to drive/pedal to work/play at the shop/rec hall. Morgana and Aria were already at the store. They had their heads together discussing something. When I walked in they stopped talking, so after I said "Good morning!" I asked, "What were you talking about?" |
| "Nothing!" I said quickly. How could I tell him we were planning a party for his masterful performance yesterday? It was supposed to be a surprise! Just the three of us...and the penguins, of course. The lovely, lovely penguins... "Are you okay?" Steve asked. I shook myself from my reverie and smiled brightly at him. "Of course I am!" I said. He looked a little freaked out and started backing away slowly. Dang it! I thought. "What are we going to do now?" Aria asked. I looked at her in puzzlement. "What do you mean?" "Well, we fed the penguins for now..." she said. I looked around at the sardines draped over every available surface, raising an eyebrow at her. "And for a while!" she added defensively. "But what about when the sardines run out?" |
| "psh, that'll be in a few weeks!" "Yea, no sense worrying about it now...oh, by the way, we'll need a cake to celebrate you know who's performance." "Oh, what kind, Aria?" "CHOCOLATE!" Morgana made a face at me, much like the face one puts on when introduced to a lemon. "Yea, Steve gets really funny when you feed him chocolate!" "Oh, I see....should we give him a gift?" I smiled that catty smiled and licked my lips. "But of course...but thats a secret only I can keep" |
It felt odd listening to them talk about me while I was standing right there, but I endured it stoically. Suddenly I remembered the dream where I was a character in a story that I was writing myself. My life was simply a reading of the words as they came into existence on the blank paper. But who was writing the words? "Are you okay, Steve?" asked Morgana. "You had that faraway look on your face that you sometimes get which makes everyone wonder if you are not all there." "Everyone?" "Perhaps not everyone. Maybe only me." I was seeing Morgana in a new light. "Are you saying what I think you are saying?" She shook her head. "I doubt it. I've had a bit of experience with your thoughts, now, and it's unlikely that you would ever hear anything I say the way I actually intended it." "That's sad," I said. Aria picked up a lamp. "Hey, who bought the new light?" |
| "It wasn't me," I denied. "I don't like light. It makes my eyes hurt." "Like what? A vampire?" Steve joked. "No!" I said, my voice shrilly innocent. "I'm not a vampire! What makes you say that?" I nervously felt at my mouth. "I was just kidding," Steve said, giving me a strange look. "So who bought the new light?" Aria insisted, brandishing it in one hand. Steve and I both hit the floor, cowering. "What?" "You're kind of holding that light like you're about to hit somebody and I don't want it to be me," I informed her. "Oh," she said blankly, then stared at the lamp in her hand. "Oh!" she exclaimed in comprehension. "I wasn't going to hit anyone. I just want to know where the lamp came from." "I didn't buy it," Steve instantly declaimed. "And I didn't, either," I said, feeling nervous. The hair on the back of my neck stood up. Unfortunately, so did the hair on my head, making me look like I had just stuck my finger in an electrical socket. "Did you just stick your finger in an electrical socket down there?" Aria asked me. "No!" I said. "Okay, if I didn't buy the lamp, and Steve didn't buy the lamp...and since you're asking, Aria, I presume you didn't buy the lamp...who did?" |
| "I know! IT WAS THE IMAGINARY GHOST!" I looked at Steve and Morgana, whose faces looked both perplexed and scared. "Nah, I kid. I don't know who put it here, but oh well." I threw the lamp over my head-completly forgetting that lamps had a tendency to break. Glass shattered behind the desk and I looked at Steve who, I think was about to blow a gasket. I made a quick decision then and there. Steve rarely got angry. But broken glass, for some reason or another, always made him lose his temper like a McCoy "Well-Steve-me-and-morgana-go-to-run-to-the-store-be-back-in-a-little-while-ok-bye!" Grabbing Morgana's hand I flew out of the store right as Steve started yelling. |
I swept up the broken glass, chuckling to myself. I've tried chuckling to other people but they just frown and back away. So now I pretty much wait until I am alone to chuckle. If I chuckle long enough I can usually work myself into a fit of manic laughter. That's what happened. I let loose with a loud "Mwahahahahaha!" The penguins squawked and all dove into the pool. "That's alright, guys," I said. "Nothing to fear. Just relax." I sat down at my desk, opened up the newspaper to the comic section, and began to read. Apparently Beetle Bailey was having trouble with Sarge today. What was it with those two? Was there no counseling available in the modern army? There was 5 cent psychiatry available in the Peanuts strip but I could see no way to get Beetle and Sarge to it. These comic strips were like little insular worlds with impenetrable barriers between them. A lot like people, I thought, setting down the newspaper. I opened a drawer, pulled out my yellow "ideas" pad, quickly jotted down "people like islands - need boats", put away the pad, and resumed my reading of the daily news. |
| "Where are we going?" I panted as Aria dragged me along. "Away," Aria said. "Steve can get kind of mad sometimes..." "Like the Hulk?" I asked, interested. "Um...not quite," Aria said, a nervous smile playing on her lips. "Uh, could you stop staring at my mouth? It's making me nervous." "Sorry," I said. "Didn't mean to. So what happens if Steve gets mad?" "Well," Aria fidgeted. "He, uh..." "Yes?" I prompted. "He..." |
| My lips quivered a little. "Nope. Can't say! My phychologist say that if I utter anything about it, I will become like a sea gull!" Morgana stopped us at our tracks and looked at me as if I had sprouted extra arms and legs. "A seagull?...A SEAGULL?" I looked at Morgana and rolled my eyes. This is exactly why I didn't tell people such things. "Tell it to my doctor ok? Not lets go pick up that cake and get back! Steve must be over his little episode by now." |
Aria and Morgana bounced back into the room, full of smiles and giggles. Aria sat a box down on the desk and whisked off the top to reveal what might be a chocolate cake, although a strange one. "For you, Steve!" she chortled. "What is it?" I asked, for the cake was obviously meant to be something. It's lumpen shape was neither circular nor rectangular and there were two white things protruding from one of the lumps. "It's a walrus!" beamed Morgana. "Isn't it cute?" "A walrus?" I said, puzzled, because it looked more like someone had tripped, dropped a cake in the street, and hastily swept it back into the box, trash and all. "Oh, a walrus. Yes, yes, I see it now! A walrus! Hahahahahahaha! That's cute. A walrus. Why does it look like a walrus?" |
| "Because we ordered it special that way, silly," I giggled. "Because of your wonderful performance when we fed the penguins!" Steve stared at it blankly. "Great! Thank you!" he said quickly. I felt myself drooping. "You don't like it, do you?" I said in a tiny little-girl voice. My eyes started to tear up. "No, I do, I do," he said hastily. "I love it, it's wonderful..." "You don't like it," I wailed, tears pouring down my face. Aria started patting my back and glaring at Steve. |
"Oh, don't cry. Please don't cry." I gently took hold of Morgana's shoulders. Her face was so wet it was all blurry and distorted. In a soft voice I said, "Please don't cry, Morgana." She sniffed and wiped her eye with the back of her beautiful hand. "Okay... I won't... because you asked me not to." "Thank you," I said, pulling her a little closer, wondering what I was feeling. She was so vulnerable now, so in need of kindness, love, and understanding. She smiled at me through her tears. "I'm glad you like it, Steve." "The cake?" I said. "Everything," she said and her smile was like the smile of an angel lighting up the empty unused rooms in the mansion of my heart. Okay, maybe not a mansion, but at least a 3bdrm, 2 bth, heart with an attached garage. The point is, for the first time in years I felt I had a buyer for my real estate. The potential for love hung heavy in the air like the lingering scent of one of those strong-smelling jungle plants that only bloom one night out of the year. I looked into Morgana's eyes and the world around me vanished. It was just she and I and the pending closure on the real estate - magic time - I could hear our heartbeats trying to become synchronized. Hers would slow down, mine would speed up, but they overshot each other and I grabbed my chest. "Are you okay, Steve?" Morgana said. Panic was in her eyes. "No! It's alright! Just a little ventricular fibrillation! I'll live! Let's get back in the moment, the mansion, I'll close the deal, two hearts..." I grabbed her shoulders again. "What are you talking about, Steve?" She wiggled her shoulders loose from my hands. Aria looked over, a piece of cake in her hand, crumbs on her chin. "Why are you wiggling like that?" |
| "I thought I felt something," I lied. "But nope, there's just me in my clothes!" "Uh...huh," Aria said, looking curiously at me. It was clear she didn't believe me. I turned back to Steve. He stared back at me, reminding me of a penguin caught in headlights. "So are you all right?" I asked, trying to reassure myself. My fingers were ice cold, like I was back on an ice floe in the Antarctic. I had the strange feeling that something very momentous was happening, or had just happened, or something like that... |
| I looked at Steve, then at Morgana. Steve, Morgana, Steve Morgana. I could talk for hours about this--because they stared at each other for hours. Seriously. I couldn't get them to snap out of it. So, as they where off in loony ville with no signs of a pit stop in reality, I simply did all the chores and dozed of for an hour or so. I woke up at around lunch time...and STILL they where staring at each other. The penguins had long ago formed a half circle around them...waiting...just...waiting. "Oh, for crying-" I grabbed a handful of hair from both of them and gave a playful little yank. "OW!" "Owie!" "Ok, I don't know whats going on here! But you guys are starting to creep me out! ME!" "Oh, um, well...heh, you see um...I need to go...come penguins! Swimming time!" Morgana ushered the penguins to the back, a blush ever present on her cheeks. Steve was mumbling something about a mansion and almost closing the deal. I just shook my head, "Steve...what WAS all that staring for?" |
I stared ar Aria. "Huh?" She shook her head in disgust. "You need a brain transplant, fella." "Fella?" "Fellow. Dude. Man. Is your internal dictionary stalled out again?" "I think I just short-circuited my heart." "Sounds painful," she said. "Is that why you and Morgana were making goo-goo eyes at each other?" "Is THAT what we were doing? I didn't know WHAT was happening. Somehow when you put a name on it the mystery goes away. Goo-goo eyes. I should have known that's what it was. You're right. My internal dictionary is not flipping all its pages." "Mmmm-hmmm," Aria said. I found Morgana in the penguin room, a blush on her cheeks. "Sorry about all the goo-goo eye," I said. She ran back out into the office and stood beside Aria. I followed her there. "No, really," I said. "That was way too much goo-goo eye." Morgana looked at Aria and pleaded, "Aria?" Aria cleared her throat. "Steve... It might be best if you keep your distance from Morgana for the rest of the day." I was shocked. "What! A little goo-goo eye and suddenly I'm a pariah?" "Ahhh," Aria said. "I see your internal dictionary is sputtering along again." "Indubitably so! And I resent the inference that my innocent goo-goo eye episode now renders me unfit for human consumption." Morgana shivered. "Aria, make him stop." Aria shook her finger at me. "Steve, you're scaring the third half of our trio." "Bah! Words can't hurt you. Morgana! Look at me and say 'I am strong. I will not be afraid.'" |
| "I...I am s-s-s-strong. I w-w-will n-not b-b-be a-af-afraid," I stammered. Then I burst into tears. "It's okay, Morgana, it's okay," Aria soothed, patting my back and glaring daggers at Steve. "It's...it's not him, Aria," I managed to sputter out. "It's...it's me." "Huh?" Aria asked in confusion. "I like goo-goo eyes!" I wailed. "I never did before, but now I like making goo-goo eyes! I can't help it! What can I do?" "Um..." Aria was at a complete loss for words. |
Oh yea....AKWARD. Thats the word. "Akward...um...yea.." I let go of Morgana and slowly made my way to Steve. "You...and...her...are...so...odd..." I walked behind them and motioned the penguins to get into the pool. That done, I stared at my partners, trying to decide what my feelings were. On one hand, it was sort of cute -- akward, but cute. On the other, we were partners in a business now, and maybe things wouldn't end up so hot. "Ok, look, you two. You can make goo-goo eyes at each other, that's fine. And no, Morgana, it's not bad as you long as you don't let it get in the way of work and-" Both Morgana and Steve had snuck up behind me and gave me a huge bear hug, which nearly caused me to toss my cookies. Seriously -- I had brought 34 cookies with me and I almost lost them! "Yea, ok ok, get off! Back to work, you two!...on the shop...not...on each others...eyes....yea..." |
I looked at Morgana. "I don't know about you, but now that we have permission to make goo-goo eyes it doesn't seem like nearly as much fun." "I know what you mean," she said. "It's lost the thrill of the forbidden. If it's not taboo, why bother?" "Exactly! We need to push the limits, to crash through social barriers and defy conventional standards. That's where the real fun is!" Morgana's eyes were glowing like that little piece of uranium Homer Simpson keeps losing. "Keep talking!" she said. "You are putting my thoughts into words." "Mine, too!" I squealed and we clasped hands and danced in a clumsy circle until Aria yelled, "No circle dancing in the shop!" I stopped dancing. Only because Aria used her gruff, Army sergeant command voice. But that was okay. We had done a forbidden thing and Morgana and I exchanged a knowing smile. "We'll circle dance again when she's not looking," I whispered. |
| I nodded, smiling from ear to ear. "Um, Morgana?" Steve whispered. "You kind of look like a bobblehead when you do that." I stopped nodding, a faint blush coloring my cheeks. "We could dance with the penguins," I suggested in a tiny voice. "When Aria's not looking." "Sure!" Steve agreed. Aria went outside to take out the garbage or something, and we instantly put our plan into action. Scooping up Sam and Cookie, as Steve grabbed two more penguins, we instantly started a line dance. Kicking out wildly, I have to admit we'd never had more fun until... |
| Crash! THUNK! OWWW! Dumping the pile of boxes I had I ran back into the shop-and promtly tripped over Sam. "OW! SAM! What are you doing here?" He merely flapped his wings at Steve and Morgna, squawking loudly-wailing really. "Morgana and Steve Dancing with you and Cookie? My my...what an interesting..." I looked up to my partners, and decided to let it go. After all, no one was hurt...well, at least this time. "Ok, ok Sam...go back to the pool with Cookie.. and YOU TWO...go...go...go get some shoes!" Morgana sqealed "I love shoes!" "I hate SHOES!" Said Steve as he kicked an incisible bucket. "Oh, good cause I was joking around. What I mean't to say was get to work cause I got a feeling today is our lucky day!" |
I knew exactly what she meant. "Do you have that feeling, too? I found a four-leaf clover in my yard this morning,and look at this -- a rabbit lost his foot in one of my gopher traps." She turned up her nose at the bit of flesh and fur in my hand. "Are you sure that isn't the foot of a cat? That would be very BAD luck, you know?" "Yeah, especially if it was old Ms Stevens' cat. She doesn't like anybody taking parts off her cats." "Ewww," said Morgana. "Can we talk about something more pleasant?" "Sure. Want to see my lucky carrot?" "No. Not really. I had a lucky penny once, but I lost it." "So it was an unlucky penny." Aria rolled up her sleeves. "Let's get to work guys. There's lots to do." "SOkay," I said. "I like to work. So... Morgana, did you watch any TV last night?" |
| "Uh-huh," I nodded. "There was a penguin special on National Geographic." Aria rolled her eyes. I glared at her, hands on my hips. "What?" I demanded. "You don't love penguins as much as I do?" "Yes, I do," Aria tried to pacify me, but I refused to be pacified. Especially when she was trying to stick a baby bottle and a pacifier in my mouth. "Calm down, Morgana," Steve soothed. "It's all right." "But she's trying to stick a pacifier in my mouth!" I protested, trying to get away. Steve wrapped his arms around me, trying to hold me in place. It would have been nice, if he hadn't been forcibly keeping me there! |
| Either way, the pacifier made it to her mouth, and she calmed down considerable. Another job well done! "Ok, enough chit-chat! Steve, you and Morgana check on all the penguins. I'm gonna go check on our little family-" " OH! Can I check them pelase, please PLEASE?!?" Morgana clung to my leg tightly, and I had to shake it fairly hard for her to let go. "Don't you remember what happened last time Morgana? Nope! I'm going to go check on them and thats final!" I went over to where the penguins where, and before closing the door, I heard Morgana cry out "but its not fair!" |
Morgana whirled around to glare at me and threw down the pacifier. "It's just not fair!" Her blue eyes were blazing and I thought she looked beautiful. Kind of like an enraged Alice-In-Wonderland, one of my favorite stories. I wondered if she owned one of those blue dresses with the white apron that Alice always wore. "I know," I said. "Aria can be a cruel taskmaster, but it's worth it in the end." "How so?" asked Morgana, her faced scrunched up in a whimsical quizzical way. "Because... because that way things actually get done. You need somebody around who will crack the whip." Morgana shook her head sadly. "Oh, Steve... no, I don't think so... Oh, that's so sad. You have so little motivation that someone has to whip you to get you to do anything?" I hung my head in shame. "Yes... I guess so." The door popped open and Aria shouted, "Hey! Get to work in there!" "Yes, Ma'am!" I mumbled and grabbed a broom to sweep up the penguin room. I couldn't look at Morgana but I could feel her eyes on me. |
| I stared at Steve, my emotions overwhelming me. The poor man. It was so sad that he needed to be whipped for motivation...although I suppose he could have just been saying that, and just really liked to be whipped for another reason. Eww...I wrinkled my nose. No matter what I felt about Steve, that image did not belong in my head. I felt dirty already. "I know, Steve!" I said in sudden inspiration. He turned to look at me, suddenly wary. "I can help you get motivated without being whipped!" "Are you sure?" he asked doubtfully. "Sure!" I nodded confidently. "I trained the penguins not to bite, remember? It's got to be at least that easy to train you to be motivated!" |
| "Poor, poor morgana." I shook my head as I heard through the door. She just didn't realize that Steve could get motivated on his own. But he also needed the whip once in a while. Heck, we ALL Need the whip once in a while. "Ah, well, as long as they work!" Standing, I walked over to where Serenity's nest was. However, no sooner did look at it, did a very enranged Endymion came lunging at me, head going side to side. I put my hands on my hips and scolded him gently, "Tut, tut Endymion! You know I won't hurt your baby! I just want to make sure you and Serenity are ok!" He stopped for a while, and looked me in the eye. Grunting he noded( or I think he nodded anyways) and led me to his little nest. |
"Are you sure this is the best way to train humans?" I asked Morgana. She was holding another sardine over my head. "Open your mouth, Steve. Who's a good boy? Huh? Who's a good boy? YOU are! Yes you is. You're a GOOD boy!" I swallowed another sardine treat. I prefer canned over raw, but the praise from Morgana was worth it despite any squeamishness I might feel in my belly. And I felt plenty. One more sardine and I'd have to make a run for the john. "I think I'm self-motivated now," I said. Morgana clapped her hands. "Don't you feel better about yourself?" "Yes, I do. Excuse me!" I ran to the john. When I returned, Aria and Morgana were conversing in low hushed tones. I hate it when they do that. It seems so secretive and I feel excluded. |
| "You've really done a good job motivating him," Aria said, barely sniggering at all. "I'm sure he loves sardines now." "You think?" I asked, smiling. "I think it could be the way to train him for everything...just give him sardines..." "What?" Steve croaked, his face a light green. "What are you thinking of doing?" "Giving you sardines to help you with more stuff," I said brightly. Steve's eyes widened and he passed out at my feet. "Was it something I said?" I asked in bewilderment. "No, no," Aria said soothingly. "He always faints at this time of day." "It's just his head is on my foot," I said, "and I don't really want to kick him in the head or anything." |
| I gently nudged Steve out of the way, making sure I didn't hit his head-it didn't need anymroe damage. "Ok...I don't know whats up with Serenity and Endymion, but I could BARELY take a look at their egg, and I need to check that its ok! So...we....and by we I mean all three, are going on the offensive!" Steve paled, but Morgana nearly clapped her hands and jumped for joy. Poor deluded fool. Taking this to my advantage, I grabbed them both and dragged them into the back. Sure enough, when Endymion saw us, he started coming towards us. So I put my plan into action! "QUICK STEVE AND MORGANA! CREATE A DISTRACTION FOR ME!" I Threw them at Endymion and sneaked all the way to the nest box...where Serenity was waiting....beak drawn...eyes glinting... |
Morgana grabbed one of Endy's wing flippers and I grabbed the other and we tried to entice him into doing a circle dance but he wasn't having any of it. He squawked and tried to get loose from us. "It's the music!" I gasped. "Hit the skip button!" Morgana held on tightly to Endy's flipper wing and stretched her other arm way over to the CD controls. The inspiring sounds of Somewhere Over the Rainbow were replaced by I Will Survive. Endy only struggled harder. "Who's mix CD is that? Pop in a differernt CD!" "It's not easy to change a CD with one hand!" Morgana snapped at me. "But it's not impossible. Just try." |
| I scrabbled frantically at the CD controls, managing to eject the CD. It spun off wildly in the air. I grabbed another one. "What's this one?" I hollered. "I don't know!" Steve yelled back, getting clobbered by a flipper over the head. I managed to put it in. Thrash metal sounds assaulted the air, making me wince and try to put my shoulders over my ears. "NOT THAT ONE! NOT THAT ONE!" Steve shrieked at the top of his lungs. "I KNOW!" I yelled back. Endy was attacking him more than me, but it still hurt to be shaken about like I was a Shake N Bake chicken. I frantically ejected it and slammed in another one. Celtic music filled the air. "How's this one?" I asked. Endy looked like he was calming down, so I relaxed a little. "Um..." Steve looked at Endymion thoughtfully. "I don't know..." |
| I was ignoring, or trying to ignore the their pleas for help and random shouting.Not to mention that horrible music they where playing. I had problems of my own, you see. "OW! Serenity! That hurts! Get off! bad bird! your the one thats always sweeter!" Apparently not today. She kept on going, and going-attacking me and yet somehow still protecting her eggling. When I looked up to the heaves, I thought nothing could make this worst. Of course, I should know that as soon one says that, something ever worst will happen. And if not at least very akward. That said- Through the loud swquaking and yelling, I could hear that someone had entered the store. Groaning I yelled at my co-workers- "Go see who it is, both of you! I'll hold them off!" I didn't need to tell them twice-they bolted towards the door, leaving Endy confused for a moment or two-but then he dove into the nest, and for a moment, serenity stopped her attack. "Oh come on guys! I just want to make sure your egg is ok!" Penguins don't understand humans...at least I figure, because they still kept trying to peck me! |
Frosty the Snowman had entered the store. Ha-ha! Not really, of course. It was a fat gentleman dressed in white. "Is you boys the ones that rents them penguins?" he asked. "I'm not a boy," said Morgana. "Oh, excuse me, little lady. I don't have my glasses on. What about you, son? Is you a boy?" "More like a man I would say." "Oh, alright then. A man and a lady. But is this the place where you gets the penguins?" "Yes sir," said Morgana. "It certainly is. How can we help you?" "I wants to rent 200 penguins for the May Day parade." "Two hundred!" I think my eyes must have popped out when I said that. "We don't have 200 penguins." "Well we could probably get by with a hundred." I wrung my hands. "We only have seven." "Seven! How do you stay in business with only seven penguins to rent?" "It's not easy. But 200 penguins? How could we house and feed that many? The demand for penguin rentals is not that big." The Snowman started laughing. "Har! Har! Har! I'm just pulling your leg, son. I don't need 200 penguins. Two penguins will do just fine. Or maybe three." |
| "That's good," I gasped, massaging my heart. I was pretty sure it had stopped for a second. Steve took the man away to discuss all the "details." I didn't care. I'd rather go do anything else but talk business. Or my ears would start bleeding or something. "Hi, Aria!" I said cheerfully to the bedraggled one who was still being attacked by penguins, albeited only lightly buffeted by their wings. "How's it going?" She glared at me, murder in her eyes. "Just great," she exclaimed in a saccharine sweet voice. "Oh, good," I said. "How's the..." "DON'T SAY IT!" she yelled at the top of her lungs. Endy gave her a bat over the head with a wing. "Please...don't say it." "You mean, the e-" |
| SHE JUST HAD TO SAY IT! But my lighting reflexes served me well! "Serenity, Endymion! Morgana is trying to steal your egg!" "WHAT?! I AM-" NO sooner had I utter that sentence did both parents lunged at my partner giving me the view I had wanted. My eyes went wide--my jaw slacked and could have fallen to the ground if it where possible. There was a small hole in the egg...and I could see it rocking back and forth!...which meant...which meant... I grabbed Morgana's hand and ran out of the storage room. After shutting the door I let go of her and stared at Steve. "Aria? Whats wrong? whats happening?!" "Egg! going...hatch...protective...can't check it..." Depspite my babbling and energitic jumping, my co-workers got the gist of it. "Aria, thats awesome! A NEW BABY!" Morgana hugged Steve, and he gladly hugged back. "YES! A BABY PENGUIN!" |
We all joined hands and danced around in a circle singing "The egg is hatching! The egg is hatching!" Even Frosty the Fat Man was beaming. "Why that's better than I hoped. A baby penguin. What could look better on my May Day float than a mama and a poppa and a little baby penguin. Son, I'll pay you five times your usual rates if I can get those penguins on my float." I dropped my partners' hands and rushed over. "Of course you can! What a wonderful idea! A penguin family on your float. Uh... What's the theme of your float?" "It's called Global Warming Ain't All That Bad." "Huh? But Global Warming will destroy the penguins' natural habitats. Why are you putting penguins on your float?" He pulled out a white handkerchief and wiped his brow. How could he sweat in our penguin shop where we all had to wear sweaters? "It will encourage people to adopt penguins, son. It's the only way we're gonna save them. Mass emigration to the pet shops of America." "And the world!" said Morgana. "Sure, why not? A penguin in every house." Aria rubbed her chin. "I don't know... Your idea seems kind of-" "Aria!" I said. "Surely you can find nothing WRONG with our new customer's wonderfully idealistic desires to save the penguins?" |
| "Of...course not!" Aria said in a patently false voice that nevertheless Steve didn't see through. I shook my head sadly. Sometimes Steve was so...Steve. "Why don't you come here for a minute," I said in a syrupy voice to Aria. I dragged her away by her hair, smiling brightly and saying, "Didn't you know? Treating people like you're a cave man or something is all the rage these days?" "Ow!" Aria said, rubbing her head. "Why did you have to pull my hair?" "Um...because it was fun?" I offered. "Aria, I don't like his thought either, but maybe then we could rent more penguins! You want to rent more penguins, don't you?" "No!" Aria wailed. "I want to keep them all for myself!" |
| Morgana gasped and I mentally slapped myself. "Aria!" "Well....what I meant to say was I want the baby all to myself!...apart from Endy and Serenity, cause babies need their parents and such and-" "ok, ok ok! Aria, this is good bussiness! The polar ice caps will melt, and then the poor penguins they'll have no where to go! So if we put them in homes-" "No!" I grabbed a nearby chair and shouted for the whole world to hear!...if not at least the block! "PENGUINS SHOULD NOT BE IN HOMES AS PETS! WE HAVE OUR PENGUINS BECAUSE THEY WHERE BORN IN CAPTIVITY AND COULD NOT BE SAFELY RETURNED! BUT DAMN IT I SHALL NOT STAND FOR THIS FLOAT IDEA!" So, I jumped off the chair and stared at the man, brows knitted and eyes shooting sparks. I expected him to run. I expected him to faint-heck I would have settled for him to pant out of fear! But the darn man smiled...and not just smiled! he even gave out a hearty laugh! "My dear, my dear! the float is purely sarcasm! Do not fret! We will have helpers going out t the crowd handing out envelopes to help the penguins. Do not worry." And as if to add insult to injury, he had the gall to pat me on the head as if I where some 5 year old child! |
The Fat Man patted Aria on the head. "There, there, little lady. Don't get your feathers all in a fluff. I like to make my little jokes, but my heart is in the right place... right here between my lungs. Har! Har! Har!" I laughed appreciatively. "That's a good one! Hahaha!" With a laugh like that he had to be worth millions. Or else he was a drunken bum doing an impression of a millionaire. Hmmm... Human nature is mysterious. Was he a generous philanthropist or an evil imposter? Morgana grabbed my arm. "Isn't this wonderful, Steve? We're going to be parents!" "Huh!?" "The egg. The new baby penguin." I slapped my head (a little too hard, as usual). "I forgot all about the egg hatching! We've got to see the new penguin chick emerge into the world. Aria! How's that hatching coming along?" |
| "Great," Aria said sullenly. I shook my head in sadness. Even though she was right--the penguins should be able to stay in their natural habitat--it still wasn't becoming to scowl about it. Didn't she ever have to take finishing school? Apparently not, since she glared at the man who I was now privately called the Marshmallow Fluff Man. It just seemed to fit somehow. "Come on, Steve," I said excitedly, seizing his arm and dragging him toward the nest. He squawked-almost like a penguin-and dug in his heels, but it didn't matter. I had the strength of a thousand penguins! He could not break free of my awesome penguin mightiness! "Um, Morgana?" he asked. "You have that funny look in your eyes again." "Sorry," I blushed. "But look! We're about to have a baby penguin! Isn't that exciting?" "Yes," Steve said patiently, "but why are you still holding onto my arm?" "So I can hold myself up," I said. "My shoes are killing me!" |
| After a while, I stopped glaring, and arranged the festivities with the puff puff man. He left with a jolly laugh and I turned to my co-workers-who where no longer there. "No" I told myself..."They can't be that dumb to actually go into the next to try and catch a glimpse of the baby...they couldn't..." A loud scream, a thunk, and some serious sqwaking told me that yes-yes they where that dumb. I ran into the back, and pushed aside the other penguins who seemed to be enjoying the show. Steve was on the ground, as was Morgana. Endy was on top of them, flippers hitting their mark every time, and his beak trying to pick at their eyes. "Endy! back to Serenity!" To my eternal surprise, he listened to me. Waddling, he went back into the box-however he made several grunting noises before going in, which I could only guess meant "Stay away!" I looked down at my co-workers, and tried not to laugh....TRIED. |
"I saw the baby!" Morgana screamed. "Ooooo, he's so cute!" "It's a he?" I asked. "Um... I don't know. Aria?" Aria scratched her chin. "I didn't check that." "How could you not check that?" I said. "How are we going to name him or her if we don't know whether it's a boy or a girl?" Morgana snapped her fingers. "Ooo! Ooo! I know! We could give it one of those dual-use names like Bobby or Tommy!" "I thought you had to spell them different for boys and girls?" "Never mind that," said Aria. "I'll just go peek and see what it is." "You would do that?" I said, once again admiring Aria's determination, stamina, bravery, courage, and foolhardy tendency to risk extreme danger. |
| "Of course I would," Aria said. I thought she sounded very noble...although very stupid, as well. I wouldn't dare go back in there! I almost got my eyes pecked out! Steve and I waited anxiously outside, clutching hands. I stared into his eyes worriedly...his big concerned eyes...pretty... "Morgana, why are you staring at me?" he whispered. "I like your eyes," I said dreamily. "Pretty..." "Yes, thank you, but now we're kind of concerned about Aria," he said. I nodded. Yep. Aria. Had to remember Aria... There was an ominous silence from the other room. Then Aria sauntered nonchalantly out. "Well?" we chorused impatiently. "It's a..." she paused for dramatic effect. "Tell us!" I shouted, my eyes starting to glow red. "Sheesh," Aria muttered. "Okay, it's a girl!" |
| Steves eyes popped out, "REALLY?!" "No, not really. I don't know...see, penguins look...the same in a certain region...and only a blood test can determined if its a girl or a boy in a few months...but we'll call her a girl anyways!" Morgana and I started to dance around, but Steve didn't look very ammused anymore. "That wasn't very nice, Aria..." "Ah Steve, cheer up! We have a healthy baby penguin, and we have a new job to look forward too...relax, take a chill pill..." The bell over the door rang and we all looked at it, hoping for new bussiness....but...no one was there. We looked at each other, as if to say "wicky, wicky, what?" Then I heard it...a small, voice...a very small...miniscule even. "Do you hear that?" Morgana put her ears on the floor as did...but Steve looked frightended...after a few moments, I could finally hear the voice clearly.. "Save the whales...save the whales..." |
| . . . THE END . unless someone adds an epilogue (Aria? Morgana?) . . . Um... if anyone is reading this besides Aria and Morgana (Anne, Destiny, are you still there?)then thanks for joining the sleigh ride. Morgana, it was wonderful. I think we should get married now. Aria, that means I'll have to divorce you.  Aria will get the last word as usual so I have to be nice to her.  It was fun! Steve |
Epilogue It was bright and clear, the day Steve and I were supposed to get married. The penguins were carefully groomed, and they were perfect just the way they were, in their natural tuxedos. "I'm so happy," I sighed to Aria in the mirror. I was wearing the dress that reminded me of a penguin. So it was a wedding, and the dress was partly black. Big deal. "Yes, I know," Aria said sourly. "You've said it fifty times in the past ten minutes." "Sorry," I said. "But I can't help it! I'm just so..." "Happy, I know," Aria finished. "Um...the wedding march is starting. Don't you think you should go out there?" "OH MY GOD!" I shrieked, dashing for the entrance. I tripped over my heels and went flying, landing in a group of penguins. "Oops," I said weakly. Everybody was staring at me. "Can we start over again?" "Sure," the minister sighed. "Whatever you say." I got up and started decorously walking down the aisle. Steve was up there, looking uncomfortable dressed as a giant penguin, but still happy. The ceremony was a whirlwind. I can't even remember if he kissed the bride...although it might have been difficult with the penguin beak attached to his face. "Shall I cut the cake?" I asked him. "Sure," he said gallantly. "Um...why are there sardines on top?" "Because it's a cake for the penguins, silly," I said. "Our cake is the one shaped like a walrus." "Oh," he nodded. "That makes sense." "Yep," I said. "My walrus..." The REAL End |
| I couldn't think of a better ending then that so here is something totally random about what will happen in the future for Steve and Morgana Ellen, and the shop... Mr. and Mrs. Ellen live in total harmony and end up having a little girl who is obssessed with both penguins and walruses. The shop thrives so much that we can afford to house 20 penguins who can't be returned to the wild, though our orginal 8 (counting the new baby) are still our favorites. Serenity and Endymion decided that one little chick was enough. Lucky for us, it was indeed a girl, whom I named Chibi-Usa. But please remember that we should do everything in our power to help the environment! For the penguins, and all the other animals and plants in the world! I say we all go out and try to find a solution to pollution and everything we are doing wrong! SAVE THE WHALES! Thanks to all who followed the story, and thanks to Steve for letting me be a part of it, and thanks to Morgana for bringing a different type of crazy...Domo arigato Mr. robato! |
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