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Insane, diabolic, goofy, egomaniacal... they are all here |
| [Introduction]
A fiend at work! ... ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** In this campfire each chapter will be about a different mad scientist created by a different campfire writer. There are many different kinds of "mad scientist". He could be: insane diabolical goofy animal hating world destroying egomaniac utopian etc... Each writer is responsible for defining the "mad scientist" of one chapter. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Click here for #1 Victor Feral .... by Twiga  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Click here for #2 Otto Maniacia ... by Hertzman ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Click here for #3 Pinkus Pinko ... by BIG BAD WOLF is hopping  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Click here for #4 Becky Vivisectanius ... by jdstephens ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Click here for #5 Julius Grabb ... by Steev the Friction Wizurd ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Click here for #6 Sylvester Schnozz ... by Hertzman |
| Science can be a wonderful thing when it's in the right hands, the hands of reasonable, ethical men and women. But sometimes Science falls into the wrong hands... |
| "Which creature to work on?" Feral asked, as he looked around his collection. |
| "Ah yes!" He approached a tank containing an angry-looking wolverine. "What could be more fitting than the fearsome..." He swung around behind the cell to a much smaller enclosure. "Marmot!" ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| But the marmot looked angry also. "Hmmm," said Dr. Feral. "What's with all these angry creatures? Otto! Have you been feeding these guys some decent chow?" Otto waddled over. It suddenly occurred to Dr. Feral that Otto had been putting on a few pounds, but since Otto ate all he wanted at the same kitchen as Dr. Feral, he couldn't possibly be stealing food from the caged animals. "I feed them just what is on their schedule," Otto said. "The reason they are angry is because they are in a cage." "Oh. You're right. I guess that would induce anger. I'm not good with emotions. Don't really understand them. Let's install some speakers in here and play music for them. Maybe that will help." "Why do you care whether they are angry or not anyway?" Otto asked. |
| "Because I don't want their hormones to be imbalanced when I experiment on them." Feral said "If they are two tense things could go wrong, and I can't let that happen! I'm on the verge of creating my immortality drug! It lays somewhere within these creatures...And Otto I know you love Chef Lapointe's Black Forest Cake but ease up a little? I don't want you getting diabetes." (OK, I'm going to create my Protagonist animal with the roll of the dice Steve you are free to delete all these Stats later as I'm writing them down on paper, I'm just going to say! I LOVE DECISIONS BY DICE THROWING! This is a gift to indecisive people every where!) Table: 42 Forest Animal Species: 65 Skunk Intelligence: 6+2+5=13 (IQ of 130) Willpower: 6+ 1+3=10 Charisma: 4+2+3= 9 Strength: 6+2+6=14 Agility: 4+6+2=12 Endurance: 5+6+3=14 Beauty: 6+4+4 =14 Speed 1+2+3= 6 Sonja Tinker, was the name given to Striped Skunk Number 22, by Karl, the Mutated Rabbit who got promoted to assistant by Feral because he toadied up to him, and Karl was quite the sadistic Rabbit, who delighted in tormenting the other Animals and was quite lecherous to any Females he could get his Grimy Paws on, he lusted after the Beautiful Skunk but couldn't get near her because of her stink defense. Sonja was a bit different from the other Lab Animals, she remembered her premutated life before she had been captured and sent to Feral for experimentation, she always knew Humans did bad things to the Animals they caught but she thought this was too much! All she did was eat some chickens! Sonja fiddled with her control collar, Feral had them surgically installed to all the Lab Animals except Otto, and Sonja suspected the Rat named Igor, Feral's other Assistant had secretly deactivated his own. |
| "Things are going to get crazy around here," said Sonja, as she looked at her collar. |
| "Hey," Sonja called to the grumpy mutant meerkat in the next cage over. "What do you think they're going to do to us next?" "Beats me, Stinky." She grumbled back, shifting in the endless search for a comfortable way to sit in the cramped cell. |
| "Quiet in the cages!" Karl yelled. "Oh, shut up, Karl!" Sonja said. "You're nothing but a kiss ass traitor. Nobody likes you." "I don't want them to like me! I want them to fear me!" Sonja laughing sarcastically. "Ho! ho! No one is afraid of you, you ugly dumb rabbit! You're a jerk!" "Stop it! I'll have you punished!" "Karl," Sonja said, in a threatening voice. "You hurt me and Dr. Feral will be very mad at you." "I don't care!" Karl said. "Do it, Karl," said the meerkat. "We want to see Dr. Feral kick your ass back into a cage." |
| Karl had to stop as he heard Dr. Feral come back into the rooms. "I'm going to a lecture in California." Feral said "I'll be gone for three days...Karl, you and Igor are in charge of the Lab until I get back." "Yes Dr. Feral." Karl said "Otto." Dr. Feral said "Time to go to the Golden State." "Can't wait to get a bite of the Avocados." Said Otto as they walked out. As Karl turned to Sonja, Sonja gave the Rabbit a taste of her spray and he was incapacitated for the next 10 Minutes |
| (Okay, my turn to come up with an animal, sense I don't know table or species numbers like Twiga, I'm going for Tiger.) Intelligence: 2+4+6=12 (IQ of 120) Willpower: 5+2+4=11 Charisma: 3+6+1=10 Strength: 5+4+6=15 Agility: 6+3+4=13 Endurance: 6+5+2=13 Speed: 5+4+4=13 Suddenly, Sonja felt a huge hand grabbing the tuft of her neck and soon she was face to face with an angry tiger "You will pay for what you did to Karl." He said, Otto says "Ivan, what's going on?" Ivan(the tiger) says "Sonja here just sprayed Karl, and incapacitated him." |
| She thought it repeatedly as she lost her breath at high velocity, courtesy of Ivan's fist, a loss closely followed by multiples teeth. *Beep* Intelligence: 4+4+4 = IQ 120 Willpower: 4+6+2= 12 Charisma: 3+2+1=6 Strength: 5+5+3= 13 Agility: 2+1+6=9 Endurance: 5+5+6= 16 Beauty: 5+5+6= 16 Speed: 4+3+1=8 *Boop* From inside her cage, Iskra the meerkat winced as Ivan pressed his surprise advantage home with a fury of blows. "Ivan! Hey, Ivan!" She called, rattling the bars of her cage. "Don't kill her! If anyone dies, the Doc will kill us when he gets back." |
| Otto and Dr. Feral were riding to California in Dr. Feral's big BMW sedan. Otto was driving. "This is one sweet ride, Doc!" Dr. Feral pointed at the highway. "You just keep your eyes on the road and no speeding." "What's your lecture about?" "Recombinant DNA Stuctures in Polynumerase Suspensions." "Oh," Otto said. "I hope Igor and Karl don't have any problems back in the lab." "Igor, I trust," said Dr. Feral. "Karl, I'm not so sure about. Rabbits seem to mutate poorly and become unstable. I don't know why." |
| Meanwhile Igor was looking at a Fax Dr. Feral sent "Hey Karl." Igor said "Look at this." Karl read the Fax "To Karl I feel there is the need for more muscle in the Lab while I am away, therefore I attached a mind control device to Ivan, to keep the other animals in line, I notice Ivan has a tendency to attack the mouth, so if he knocks any teeth loose you are to replace all of them with my patented replacement teeth, I want all my subjects to be able to chew their food properly, If you don't do as I say there will be consequences." |
| Karl then showed Ivan Dr Feral's fax, "Okay okay, I'll go easy on the experiments." He said in a Russian accent. He remembers how Dr, Feral found him, he was on one of his overseas trips to Russia and he found this abandoned circus tiger, so he took him home, mutated him and made him is security guard. Lately he has been punishing the experiments when they misbehave. |
| "Yes, Boss," Ivan sighed, stomping away from Sonja's body. Iskra slumped in her cell, letting out a sigh of relief. |
| Ivan was in the lab's kitchen, heating up a bowl of borscht for a snack. "What is that crap?" Igor asked. "Borscht! Very good. You don't know? In Russia we eat all the time. Even me, a carnivore. I eat and it's veggie! Hahaha! Funny, no?" "Yeah, hilarious," Igor said. "Did Karl read Dr. Feral's fax to you?" "Yeas, he read. I do what Dr. Feral want. No problem." "Good," Igor said. "Can I have a sip of that borscht?" |
| Ivan lets Igor have a taste of his Borscht, "This stuff is surprisingly good, what are the ingredients?" Ivan says "The main ingredient is beetroot, but sense Dr. Feral didn't have any, I used tomato paste which is a good substitute, potato, cabbage, carrots, onion, smetana and salt, plus I added in some beef tips and some spices to liven it up." Igor says "You should give this recepie to Dr. Farel, he may like it." Ivan says "You think so?" Igor says "I know so," he smacks his lips, "I should remind him to improve on the water filtration system, I just drank a glass of water that tasted real funny." Ivan looks at the glass "Err, that was not water, that was Vodka." |
| Sonja looked at Karl. "Is all this really necessary?" "This will hurt you, a lot," said Karl. Sonja groaned. "Just get it over with." |
| "My pleasure," Scowled Karl, eyes a solid red from his skunk-spray dousing earlier. He hefted a probe that looked like it had come out of the dark-ages and was suffering an infuriating case of jet-lag. Away in her cage, Iskra shivered at the screaming noises coming out of the operating room, rising and falling in pitch as Karl presumably attached tooth after tooth. Of course, being strapped to a table while Karl was in the room, well, Iskra suspected that yells of excruciating pain were inevitable, dentistry or not. The fact that Stinky had just sprayed him earlier -and hardly for the first time- probably wasn't helping matters, either. |
| Igor paused with a spoonful of borscht halfway to his lips. "Do you hear screaming coming from the cage rooms?" "What's a little screaming?" Ivan said. "Sometimes they are quiet. Sometimes they scream. I pay no attention." "I better go see what's going on." Luckily for Karl, he was through with his reverse dentistry work by the time Ivan entered. Sonja was already back in her cage, lying in one corner and whimpering." "I heard screaming," Ivan said. |
"I finished putting in all that's Skunk's teeth just as I was bid." Said Karl Later that night a storm brewed up on the East Coast of the U.S. the rain poured down so hard, the thunder boomed and the lightning crashed, even deep in the underground lab the animals could hear the rain and thunder, Karl, Ivan and Igor quickly went to bed, hardly any of them remembered what the sky looked like and every time the thunder boomed they were filled with a certain unnameable fear imagining a great beast in the sky, roaring at them, ready to swallow them, because deep down all of them knew what they were doing was evil, and even though they did not even know the words for 'God' 'Heaven' or 'Hell' deep in their subconcious they feared the judgement of some greater being |
| Ivan couldn't sleep, due to the thunder he keeps mumbling the following. "Ostav' menya v pokoye bol'shuyu zverya, pozhaluysta, ne yesh'te menya." (Translation: Leave me alone great beast, please don't eat me.) |
| Iskra wished that her cage was big enough to pace in. The ongoing thunder-storm was making her nervous, and her cell was too cramped for the meerkat to even stand up properly. Of course, on the other hand the only time she was leaving the cage was when the Doc decided to cut her open or something... We've got to get out of here, She thought, rolling over as thunder cracked overhead. |
| Characters in this episode (so far) ------------------------------------------------------- Doctor Feral ... a mad scientist who manipulates genes Otto ... a humanized rat, the result of Feral's work and now his bodyguard and companion Igor ... another rat, not so humanized, who is Feral's lab assistant Karl ... mutated rabbit, also a lab assistant Ivan ... tiger, another assistant Sonja ... a skunk in one of the cages Iskra ... a meerkat in a cage |
| Iskra had a small pouch that she kept under her collar, there she kept things she pocketed without anyone's knowing She took out a pain killer reached her hand into Sonja's cage and popped it in her mouth |
| Sonja felt the pain subsiding after taking Iskra's painkiller, "Thanks, I really needed that." Iskra says "No problem." as she puts her pouch back under her collar. In the morning, Karl is serving breakfast to experiments while Ivan is in the kitchen with Igor making their own breakfast, Ivan has eggs, milk, white bread, cooking oil and salt on the counter, Igor asks "What are you making?" Ivan says "Grenki, a Russian breakfast dish." |
| Sonja looked at the door to the cage she was in. "Hey Iskra. Do you have something that can fit in these locks?" "I might," said the meerkat. "Why do you want to know?" "Because I want out, and so do you, and so does everyone else," said Sonja. "Listen, they always stick something into these locks to open them. If we can get something like it -" "Then we can escape," Iskra finished, having caught onto the idea. "I'll take a look." |
| In the kitchen Igor says, "Your Grenki looks a lot like French toast." "Well, it is not French," Ivan says. "It is Russian. Yes, when you make it sweet, then maybe it is ooh lala like French toast maybe, but I like my Grenki savory with garlic. Very Russian." "Make enough for two," Igor says. "I never turn down anything with garlic in it." Karl walks in. "Make that three. Looks yummy." |
| Iskra says softly to Sonja "Listen, I need something before we leave...I need to instructions on how to deactivate the control collars we can't leave unless we do that." |
| Iskra looks closely at Sonja's collar and finds something wrong. "Err Sonja? It appears we got a problem." Sonja says "What sort of problem?" Iskra says "It seems that the Doctor has thought of everything in these control collars, there's some kind of receiver attached to the collar's power supply and buckle." "Receiver, to what?" Iskra looked around and sees a bullhorn-like siren just above the door, and Iskra point to it. "That. It looks loud enough to wake the dead, and I can't tamper with these collars without setting that off." "Could you at least try?" In the kitchen, Ivan, Igor and Karl are all enjoying the Grenki Breakfast. Karl says, "This is very good, have you ever served this to Dr. Farel?" Before Ivan could respond, a Klaxton alarm goes off, Karl falls to the floor at the sudden sound, Igor says "That's the Alarm! Quick, let's go to the lab and check the experiments!" |
| "Okay, that didn't work," Sonja muttered, as the alarm started to blare. "Quick, get to the other side, and act like the alarm woke you up." The meerkat moved, just as Sonja began scratching herself, like she had a bad itch. "Smart thinking," Iskra said. "Let's hope it fools them into thinking it was an accident." |
| Karl, Igor, and Ivan piled into the room, tripping and swearing indecently -though luckily the commotion was drowned out by the alarm. "About time you got here!" Yelled Iskra, doing her best to look like angry and sleepy. "Shut that damn thing off, would ya'?!" In her cage, Sonja made a show of rolling over and fighting to get back to sleep. "We're trying!" Snapped Igor, flustered over the aggravating technical issue. "Where the heck is the breaker?" He shouted, more as something to drown out the klaxon than as a hopeful answer. |
| Finally the alarm was silenced and the Three Stooges returned to the kitchen to finish their Grenki. "Did you hear that?" Iskra said. "The breaker! It must be a way to turn the alarm on and off." "Yes," said Sonja, "but how can we get to it without setting off the alarm first?" For a long time Iskra thought, then she said, "Sonja, I have an idea that is just crazy enough that it might work." "I also have an idea," said Sonja. "Shall I tell mine first?" |
| "What's your idea?" Asked the Meerkat "I fill the Room with so much Stink that they have to let us out of our cages to clean the room." Said the Skunk "I don't think that will work." Iskra said "Here's mine...You let Karl have sex with you." "What?!" Exclaimed Sonja "Don't yell." Said Iskra "You won't get pregnant because he's a rabbit and you're a Skunk, I've had sex with him in the midst of heat and nothing happened. This is about getting him to trust you." |
| In the Kitchen, Ivan says "Unbelievable, a false alarm." Igor says "Must be a malfunction, remind me to tell Dr. Feral to run a diagnostic on the alarm system when he and Otto gets home." Karl says "What was the question you asked Ivan before the larm went off?" Ivan says "I remember, not yet, but if I give Otto the Grenki recipe, perhapse he'll make it for him, he is the Doctor's personal chef among other responsibilities." |
| "I think we try different idea," said Sonja. "Let's see who else wants to escape, and see if they can get to the breaker." |
| "What? My idea is perfectly sensible!" Sputtered Iskra indignantly. "I am not having sex with Karl. I've been trying to get him to keep his hands off of me for months! He's revolting!" "Oh yeah? Well, you're a snob! Come on, Sonja; you can't possibly complain that he smells bad. And he's actually pretty easy to please; it wouldn't take long. You just need him to let you out for a little while." "I don't care. He's horrible. Didn't you hear him trying to 'fix' my teeth after that jerk Ivan attacked me? The animal's a sadist." "Well, he'd be nicer if you just had sex with him! Come on, when was the last time you slept with anyone, hunh? You know you want to." "Hey, if you're gonna sleep with anyone, do it with me," Growled another inmate. "Either that, or shut up! Some of us are trying to sleep here!" "Sorry," Said Sonja contritely. "By the way, you wouldn't happen to be able to get to the breaker would you?" |
| "No," said the wombat, "but I also have a plan." Sonja and Iskra exchanged glances with each other and rolled their eyes. "Very well, Marvin, let's hear your plan." "It's simple," Marvin said. "We keep causing the alarm to go off. They keep coming to check it and nothing is wrong. They conclude that it is malfunctioning. Finally, they get so frustrated that they disconnect it or at least turn it off." "I don't think they would do that," Sonja said. "Besides, they would probably put guards full time in the cage room if there was no alarm." "So?" Marvin said. "We can figure a way around that, too. We should at least try my plan." |
| "Sonja..." Iskra said "...There is something I have that can help you get revenge on Karl for what he did to you." She pulled something out of her pouch "This is laxative chocolate, if you can get him to trust you enough, you can 'split' this with him, you hide your piece under your tongue, but he will swallow his and while he is 'indisposed' you can get what we need!" "Well..." Sonja thought and thought "...Well all right if only, to slip Karl a laxative." |
| In the kitchen, Ivan is washing the dishes while Igor wipes the table, Karl stands up "Thanks for the interesting breakfast, but I need to check the experiments, I hope to see if none of their collars are tampered with." Ivan asks "Why don't I go with you?" Karl says "I've seen the way you treat the experiments. Sorry, I don't want to use reverse dentistry from your work." A small bell goes off. and Igor says "Not again?" Ivan says "Relax, it's only phone." |
| "Well,at least your 'chocolate' idea will be a lot better than your idea of having sex," Sonja said, with a shudder. "Now to wait for someone." |
| "Come to think of it," Sonja scratched her head. "How did you even get chocolate? All I've ever managed to find around here is gruel." "Oh, Igor." "What? What'd you do to Igor?" "Apparently something that wasn't satisfactory- since he gave me laxative chocolate instead of regular chocolate like he'd said he would." "Yeah; he's a jackass." |
| A loud bray came from several rows of cages over. "You speciest bitches!" "Oops," Sonja said, and giggled. "I forgot there was a donkey in one of the cages." |
| "OK..." Iskra said "...I know you don't want to have sex with Karl, but for him to let you out of your cage you have to at least act like you want to have sex with him." Meanwhile in California there was an Earthquake and a Flood at the same time, Feral and Otto called from their Hotel Room and said they would be in California for a couple more days |
| Ivan says "No Problem Dr. Farel, we'll just see you in a couple of days. You may have to check on the alarm system in the cage room, it went of this morning and when we got in there all the animals are in their cages in which I do not understand why the alarm went off." |
| "Heck, a bug? Who am I kidding- I cheeped out on that thing," Mused Feral aloud. "In fact, you might as well just turn it off completely, if it goes off again." |
| "Oh, alright!" Sonja said. "I'll pretend I want to have sex with him." "Good!" said Iskra. "Shhh! Here comes Karl now." Karl hopped into the cage room. Sometimes his old instincts took over when he was preoccupied. "How you doing today, Stinky?" he said to Sonja. "Want some painkillers for your mouth? Hahaha!" Sonja concealed the laxative chocolates behind her back. "Good morning, Karl. You're looking good today." "Huh? Me? Looking good? What makes you so nice this morning?" Sonja fluttered her eyelashes. "Oh, you know how it is, don't you? It's been a long time since I... um... had any fun... if you know what I mean." Karl narrowed his eyes. "I smell some kind of prank... or worse. Don't think you can fool old Karl, Stinky. Hey! What's that you are hiding behind your back?" "Nothing." Karl opened Sonja's cage and roughly grabbed her arm and spun her around. "Chocolates! Where did you get these?" "Please, Karl!" Sonja said. "I love chocolate. Don't take them away." Karl snatched the chocolates. "You think I don't like chocolate? Thanks for the gift. Hahaha!" Sonja started crying. |
| "Karl!" She said"I'm in heat! I am in such a fantastic heat I'll die if I don't have sex!" Karl heard that and remembered Feral wanted all his creatures alive when he got back "Oh all right I'll do it." He said |
| Ivan came in to test the alarm, and sees Karl taking Sonja out of her cage. "KARL! BOZHE, O MOGUCHLY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH HER!?" |
| Sonja screamed. Iskra screamed. Ivan stood panting over the prostrate Karl. "Shut up! Stop the noise! Igor! Come help me with Karl!" Igor looked at the rabbit lying on the floor. "What happened?" "I had to knock him out. He was trying to rape the skunk." "Ew," Igor said. "That is one crazy rabbit." Karl's eyes blinked and he sat up. "What the hell? Why did you punch me out, Ivan?" |
| Sonja who was already out of her cage, sprayed all three of them full blast, while the Rat, the Tiger and the Rabbit were coughing and unable to see or smell, Sonja took the ring of keys and opened Iskra's cage "Let's go!" Sonja said "What about the others?" Asked the Meerkat "There's no time to free the others!" Yelled Sonja "Just grab what you need before the spray wears off!" Sonja found the manual of the control collars under Igor's pillow, the two of them ran upstairs, the unlocked the door with the ring of keys and entered...The kitchen. "Quick!" Iskra said "Out the window before anyone sees us!" They ran and they ran, out of the massive garden climbed the fence into the woods surrounding Feral's mansion. "Before we go any further." Iskra panted, she looked at the instruction manual and deactivated both Sonja's Collar and her own. |
| Back at the lab, Igor, Karl and Ivan are still choking from the skunk spray as it starts to wear off as they started breathing easier. Ivan says "Karl? What got into you? Why would you want to rape a skunk?" Karl says "Stinky says she was in heat. Isn't that right Stinky?" No answer. Karl says "Stinky?" They all looked around she was nowhere to be seen "Oh no, she's gone!" Igor says "You just fell for the oldest trick in the book Karl." Ivan says "The skunk isn't the only one who's gone, the Mink's gone too!" Karl says "Dr. Feral isn't going to be happy when he hears about this." |
| "Someone will be redecorating the master's bedroom," said Igor. "Only they won't be buying a rug, they'll be the rug." |
| (Author's Note: hertz was spot on; Iskra is in fact a deformed mink who very strongly resembles a meerkat) "We have to get them back!" Said Karl, trying to strike a determined pose and falling over, still a bit woozy from his close relationship with Ivan's fist. "Agreed -to the Poachmobile!" Cried Igor, pulling a net-gun out of pocket and cocking the trigger. |
| But Sonja and Iskra had managed to hitch a ride with a rabbit. And not a crazy mutated rabbit like Karl. This was a young college-age rabbit with a fast car and a cool haircut. He winked at Sonja. "Where are you going?" Sonja was still breathing hard from the escape. "Just get us as far away from here as possible." "My name is Tad Spiffy," said the rabbit. "Did you two rob a bank or something?" Meanwhile Dr Feral was on his way back to the laboratory with Otto, the faithful assistant and companion, once a rat, now a man... but still a lot of rat in him. A frown crossed Dr Feral's face. "Otto, I sense a disturbance in the Force." |
| I think now is a good time to end Feral's Chapter, he'll get his comeuppance in another story but I think he's had a longer chapter then most Felcanrod villains! And let's say this story takes place in the seventies The Rabbit Tad told them he had 'gone public' and people were willing to accept him since he was a cute rabbit Mutant and he was a student in Edmonton Alberta "I can take you girls there." He said "There Mutants can become citizens." They rode singing this song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMR5JVo21wQ |
| As they stopped for gas, heard whooping laughter as Tad knew who it was, then two hyena mutants came in "There you are Tad, you think you can escape from us?" Sonja says "Who are these two?" Tad says "Abbot and Castello. Assistants to Dr. Jacob Bellbottom, a disco loving mad scientist. He wants to experiment on me and never takes no as an answer." |
| "So, what do we do?" Sonja asked. "The good news is, these guys are easily distracted." Tad then shouted out, "Hey guys! The butcher shop is tossing out their expired meat! I suggest you go now if you want a free lunch!" At this, the hyenas took off running. "Easily distracted." |
| "Shouldn't we increase the ransom?" his second-in-command asked. "I mean, a billion dollars is a lot, but there's like a hundred Billion dollars worth of oil in those tankers." "Mmm, you have a point," said Otto. "Perhaps I should increase the price." |
| "That was a very helpful recommendation, Phil. I'm glad to have your input," Said Dr. Maniacia. "Oh, well, thank-you, sir." "I am less glad, however, of your questioning my commands!" The Doctor howled, slapping a button on a nearby console. A steaming mug of coffee popped out of a slot in the wall. "Sir....?" Still howling, Otto slapped down an identical button next to it -and laughed manically as a colossal boot on a mechanical arm emerged to boot Phil over a guard-rail and send him plummeting down, down into the heart of the volcano. |
| Dr. Otto isn't just into Robotics, sometimes he dilly dallies into some Genetic Engineering as well. Case in point, his own Fiancee Sasha, who has the upper body of an attractive Human Woman, and the Lower Body of a...Black Widow Spider...Which unsurprisingly made things in the bedroom more complicated but Otto said he was into it...Sasha believed him |
| One night they were making love when Sasha accidentally bit him. "Oops!" she said. "I hope you have some resistance to spider venom." "Not to worry," Otto said. "That was one of the first things I thought of when I created you for a mistress. In fact, spider venom is like an aphrodisiac to me and arouses me to even greater heights." "Why didn't you tell me before!" Sasha said. "I could have been biting you all along." "Because I wanted our torrid affair to build from a small beginning to greater and greater ecstasies before it ends forever." "What do you mean," Sasha said, "by ends forever." "It's like the reverse of the old black widow trope. Instead of the poisonous wife killing the husband, the maniacal husband kills the wife. Hahahahaha!" "No! You wouldn't!" "Well... not yet," Otto said. "Because I think we can still take this affair even higher. What do you say? Bite me again, baby, and let's rock all night!" |
| Meanwhile, Tad, Sonja and Iskra stopped at a building just a few miles short of Niagra falls. "What are we doing here?" Tad says "Getting you two registered as Canadians, I have a friend here that can help us." As they came in, they saw a moose mutant, Tad says "Hello Louie, I have a couple of friends who want to be Canadians." Louie looks up and sees Tad, "Bonjour mon ami, and I suppose these two beauties are your friends." The TV in the background is currently broadcasting the news about a fuel shortage due to current events. Iskra says "How many Mad Scientists are there? First we just escaped Dr. Victor Farel, then we have heard of Dr. Jacob Bellbottom and now this Dr. Otto Maniacia makes the news." |
| "Sir! Sir!" As the door rattled, Dr. Maniacia almost choked in the middle of something indecent. "Sir! We're under attack! The nations of every country on Earth (including North Korea) have each sent ten of their top troops to attack us! There's like, 1,960 of 'em!" No, it can't be... Dr. Otto rolled off the bed. "I thought I executed you earlier?!" "That was my brother, Phil, sir! I'm Philbert." Groggily, Otto yanked at a lever next to the door, listening to the satisfying sound of a trap-door opening and Philbert plunging to his 'depth' in the heart of the volcano. "Ugh, that's better! Now, where were we gorgeous?" |
| Otto was not despite being a Mad Scientist was actually not that smart. Meanwhile China was releasing it's secret weapon, a genetically engineered Man-Snake Hybrid named Agent She (Chinese for Snake) Had deadly venom and was able to crawl through places normal humans couldn't squeeze through. Since She was a Sea Snake, he was released from a Boat, sent to swim toward the Island |
| The snake swam lazily toward the island humming the jingle that went with his syndicated TV show: He is She of the Sea! See She! He's in the sea! Doctor Otto Maniacal, the not-so-brilliant mad scientist whose ultimate goal was to take over the world, was blissfully unaware of the sinuous serpent's serpentine movement. Otto was making love to his spider mistress Sasha. "Weave a web around me, baby! Wrap me in silk!" "God, Otto, my silk glands feel like the udders of a cow that wandered into a refugee orphanage." "Oh, baby, I know you have lots of silk. I love silk!" "Arrgghhh!" said the spider woman. "Now I wish I didn't bite you. You're bad enough when you are normally excited, but you are worse when you are hyper-excited." "When I'm bad I'm good, baby! And when I am very bad I am very good! Wrap those eight legs around me and do the spider dance!" |
| While Dr. Maniacal is busy with Sasha, Agent She made it to the island but without notice as two henchmen gave her an almost unpleasant greeting by pointing their pistols at her, she quickly wrapped them both with her tail and with a lift, knocked them to the ground knocking them out. A sniper in a tower aimed his rifle at her but something swooped down from the sky, picked him up and drop him in a nearby tree, the impact knocked him out as he hits the branches. Agent She looks up and sees a Man-Eagle hybrid hovering almost 10 feet in the air. "You must be Agent She, the beautiful but deadly hybrid from China." Agent She says "Who are you and give me a reason why I shouldn't bite you and fill you with my deadly venom?" |
| "Because we have a common enemy at the moment," said the Man-Eagle. "That and there'll be time enough to figure out if we have to kill each other later." "Good enough for me," said She. |
| They darted further up the island slopes, dispatching guards at full tilt as they closed in on the entrance. |
| (Hertz I think I made Agent She a male, She wasn't referring the female but was Chinese for Snake, but whatever I'll say She can spontaneously sex change for the same reason the Dino's of Jurassic Park can." "I thought you were male." Said the Eagle Man "I can be Male or Female." She said "Depending on what I need to do, I'm stronger when female and faster when male." |
| "Good show!" said the Man-Eagle. "If I had that ability I would suddenly find myself back on the nest laying eggs. I'll stay male, thank you!" When Man-Eagle and Agent She reached the entrance to Dr Maniacal's volcano hideout, Man-Eagle said, "Wait! The entrance is too obvious and will be well-guarded. Let's go down the ventilator shaft." |
| The Eagle man says "By the way, call me Agent Harpy. I'm with MI6." Agent She says "A British agent? The way you look, I thought you were American." |
| Casually, Harpy ripped the grate off the ventilation shaft. Both of the intrepid spies flinched at the gusts of rank air that welled up out of the cavity. "Well, I guess if the air smelled nice, they wouldn't need to vent it out," Mused She. "Well, then... Age before beauty," Harpy bowed, tucking one wing across his chest. "No time for that!" She twisted, neatly knocking the surprised agent down the tunnel. "Geronimo!" With an un-stealthy whoop, She leapt in after him. |
| "Perfect!" said Harpy. "You can hide in the laundry cart and I'll put on an attendant's uniform and push you." "We have no time for such childish play-acting," said Agent She. "We must find the control room and locate the self-destruct switch." "Wait. Are you telling me this place has a simple on-off switch that will totally destroy it?" "Well, the switch doesn't destroy it. The switch turns on the timer that counts down to the detonator that sets off the tons of explosive and THAT destroys the base." "But why even have such a switch?" asked Harpy. "I don't know," said Agent She, "but I have never been in a villain's hideout yet that did not have a self-destruct switch." "It says something about their suicidal tendencies, doesn't it?" "To me," said Agent She, "it just says KA-BOOM!" |
| Meanwhile Dr. Maniacia fell asleep around Sasha's shoulders "It's about time that sleep venom kicked in." Sasha said to herself, she is actually a double agent working for MI6, offering information for her freedom. She carefully tucked in Dr. Maniacia in bed and sneaked out. "I hope Agent West sent his winged companion here." She takes out a headset and puts it over her ear placing the microphone over her mouth, "Charlotte to Big Bird, Charlotte to Big Bird. Can you read me Big Bird?" |
| "What was that?" She asked. "We have a double agent in here," said Harpy. Meanwhile, The other Super soldiers were talking to each other. "You see what that man does whenever we tell him something important, or give him an idea," said the Current 2nd-in-command. "He kills us. We suggest increasing the ransom, he kills us. We tell him we're being invaded, he kills us. We interrupt his love-making, he kills us. We fart in the wrong direction, he kills us. I'll tell you guys, it's getting to the point we might as well defect to the other side, or, at the very least, negotiate a truce with them, and turn Maniacia over to them." "So, if say, two enemy agents have come in to abduct/kill him, you'd have no problems if we didn't tell the Boss?" asked the guy on the security cameras. The 2nd-in-Command took a look, and saw the bird and the snake creatures. "I don't see any assassins, and neither shall the others. Maniacia has kill the last one of us he's killed. See to it that these two are assisted, silently. Tell the sentries to ignore them, and to make their infiltration easier." |
| "What if they hit the self-destruct switch?" Asked one of the soldiers. Phillis, Number Two thought his name was. "I hear that those are really tempting to secret agents." "That would entail the unnecessary destruction of a lot of life and property, including an entire island." Said Number Two flatly. "I'm sure that they'll take the Doctor and leave us alone. Everyone else here is too stupid to be a real threat to global security." "Oh. I guess you've got a point..." Said Phillis. |
| "I have reason to believe they will pull the self destruct switch." Said a Robot who mostly did the Laundry "While was plugged in recharging my batteries they explicitly said they were looking to pull the switch...I didn't make myself conspicuous because I didn't want instant death." |
| "Good work, Robot," said Phillis. "When this is all over I will submit an application requesting you be upgraded to full autonomy." "Thank you, sir," said the Robot. "It will feel good to get out from under the heel of the man." "Don't get too uppity, Robot. You don't have full autonomy yet." "Sorry, sir." Number Two looked worried. "Now what should we do? If this place self-destructs we'll all be out of work and I still have seven payments left on my Escalade." Phillis did a double take. "Cheese whiz, man! You drive an Escalade? On our pay? Why didn't you get a Tahoe or a Santa Fe?" |
| "It was something the other previous Second-In-Commands had, and it, and the payments, got passed on down," said the Second-in-Command. |
| The self-destruct alarm began to blare. "Clangclangclangclangclangclang!" "Stay calm, everyone," Number Two held up a hand as he yelled. "I know what that sounds like, but its really the 'laundrie's done' klaxon! They're often mistaken! Right, Robot?" "Ex-cuse me; I have a name. It is Philbot two-seven-" Number Two hit a button on a remote. "Right, Robot?" "Actually, the laundry chime is more of a clang...clang...clang....clang noise, sir." "Nonsense -it's actually a clang-clang, clang, clang-clang-clangclangclang sound." Said Phillis, hands cupped around his mouth. "And that's what it sounds like, right?" |
| "Sir," said Philbot 27, "I don't like to state the obvious just to win an argument, but there wasn't any laundry being washed, so it would not make any sense for the laundry-done alarm to go off." Phillis and Number Two stared at each other. "It's the self-destruct alarm!" they both yelled together. Meanwhile, Harpy and Agent She were racing back up the ventilator shaft trying to get out before the whole place exploded. "This is the part that always makes my heart pound!" said Agent She. "I know!" said Harpy. "It's why I'm in the business! God! What an adrenaline rush!" |
| "Wait a moment," said Number 2. "This is the Command Center. That means there's a button to shut off the Self-Destruct right here!" |
| Number 2 did find the button, but it was marked, Out of Order due to I haven't installed it completely yet, Dr. Otto Maniacia. Number 2 sighed in frustration "This is what I get when you work for wackos." Everyone scrambled to the escape pods. Sasha is carrying Dr. Maniacia on her back tucked in a web blanket, She was alarmed by her appearance and bared her fangs. "Relax," Harpy says, "This is the double agent I told you about, I see you got the doctor asleep, I hope he doesn't wake up before we reach England." Sasha says "I have him injected with sleep venom, he'll be out for days." She says "Come on, let's get off this island before it blows up!" |
| The intrepid trio trekked out the shaft and back down the mountain. Around them, the base was in chaos, with henchmen and super-soldiers running every which way as sirens blared. Several saw the fleeing three and opened fire. Behind them, the mountain began flaming and exploding at random points, lava starting to trickle down. Running and running, pursued by gun-fire and a cresting wave of lava, dodging random explosions, She, Harpy, and Sasha jumped off a cliff over the bay... ....And fell straight into the side of a black helicopter as it swung by, trailing rockets, gatling guns blaring. |
| Safe in the helicopter, they watched as the island exploded behind them, not one big explosion, but numerous smaller explosions, sometimes spectacularly colorful and shooting up sparks and flares. The volcano was erupting, it's lava flows triggered by all the explosive shocks. "I hope someone got a picture of that," Harpy said. (Who wants to create the next mad scientist? I think it's your turn, BBWolf.) |
| "Of course." Said the Henchmen...Right now he was thinking about how much he wanted stiff hard drink |
| (Now this is just plain silly) Pinkus looked over his notes, "Let's see, my clothes turned pink when my brother's red shirt got mixed in with white clothes. Perhaps I can work with something like that." |
| "What I need to try," thought Doctor Pinko, "is a natural pinking agent. All organic. Like mulberries or beets. But then I would need to buy a beet farm. Beets are expensive. Hmmm... mulberries grow wild. And wild cherries! I should hire a botanist to help me out on this." He turned to one of his henchmen, Dave, a college student working as an intern in the lab. "Dave, get me a list of all the professional botanists for hire in the area." "Yes, sir!" Dave said. He was eager to prove himself useful. |
| "If you're thirsty, head to the bar," said Pinkus. "That is, unless they kicked you out last time." |
| The Henchman went to the Bar...The Soggy Henchman While ordering his usual he saw what looked like his brother, but something had changed about him, he had longer hair and had lost weight and had a nose piercing |
| Dave said "Larry? Is that you?" The punked out henchman looked up "Dave, judging by the way you dresses, no doubt you work for Dr. Pinko." Dave says "Yeah, speaking of which. When does Dr. Bellbottom dresses his henchmen like tat?" Larry shakes his head "I don't work for him anymore, I work for Dr. Ian Punk now. He's working on a new music. Genre, he calls it Punk Music." |
| Sitting next to Larry was a girl with pigtails and a good smile. "Hi, I'm Lana Rainbow. I'm a henchman too! Well, a henchwoman, I guess." "Really?" Dave said. "Whose your mad scientist?" "Willy Wonka. Have you heard of him?" "The insane chocolate manufacturer? Who hasn't? My, you're lucky to get that job." "I know!" Lana said. "I just hope I don't get as big as a house because I love to eat chocolate." Meanwhile Doctor Pinko was getting impatient. "Where the hell is Dave? It doesn't take two hours to get a list of botanists for hire." |
| "Uh, sir, you said he could go to the bar," said another henchman. "Oh, right," said Pinko. "Call him up, and tell him to get to work on the list, or I'll have him dyed pink." |
| Dave cellphone rang "Hello? Oh, the list. Almost forgot about it. I'll get on it right away." Larry says "What list?" Dave says "I have to make a list of professional botanists for Dr. Pinko's experiment." |
| "I thought he just wanted to turn everybody pink?" Asked Larry. "What does he need a botanist for?" "He thinks he needs an organic agent to permanently stain everyone and everything pink." Sighed Dave, slumped against the bar. "Otherwise, he keeps making everyone dissolve or die or grow extra limbs when he tries to pink-ify them." "Ew," Said Lana. "Makes me glad I just work in a chocolate factory. Nothing bad or bizarre ever happens there. Though, we are giving a promotional tour to a group of winning kids in a few weeks..." "Really?" Said Larry. "I thought Wonka was a major recluse. That doesn't sound like him." "Yeah- and it's making the squirrels and puppets and Oompa Loompas nervous as-" "Sorry to interrupt," Said Dave. "But do either of you know any botanists? Preferably greedy, insane, or evil ones?" "Hmm..." Larry cupped his chin. "Well," Said Lana. "There's this one girl from Gotham with a thing for green like your boss likes pink, and she's really into plants. Hold on- I'll see if I can remember her name..." |
| Lana consulted her ipad. "Ah, here it is: Poison Ivy." "Cool name," Dave said. "As long as you have that ipad here, how about Googling professional botanists in Central City area for me?" Lana handed him the ipad. "You have hands, don't you?" "Only three botanists for hire," Dave said. "Thanks! I'll see you guys later!" "Dave!" Lana said. "What?" "May I have my ipad back, please?" "Oh! Sure! Sorry!" |
| "Boss," said one of the Henchmen. "Why are we focusing on making people pink?" "Because those who try to take over the world will inevitably come across resistance, and get their butts handed to them," said Pinkus. "I want to be taken as a joke, at least at first. Much safer that way." "So, is there a monetary ploy to this plan?" the henchman asked. "Oh yes - the restorer, to revert the cloth back to it's previous color," said Pinkus. "Charge a nice price for it, and the people have to keep using it, or the cloth will become pink again." |
| "That's it my lovelies." She said, "Eat up, and soon you'll grow so you can protect yourselves from the horrors of mankind. Plants will once again reclaim their place in the world, no one, not even Batman will stop us." |
| "But, sir..." Asked a henchmen. "What if people don't actually mind everything being pink? What if they complain, but don't care enough to pay to make it stop?" "Don't be silly," Pink polished a beaker. "Everyone but me hates pink. Only I appreciate it for its beauty. The macho-men of this world will pay through their noses for my Restorer." |
| Poison Ivy was watering her plants when the maid came in. "Miss Ivy, there's a gentleman on the telephone who says he wishes to consult with you." "Didn't you get his name, Gravy?" "Yes, ma'am. It's Doctor Pinkus Pinko." Poison Ivy laughed. "That fruitcake! Bring me the phone!" Gravy handed Poison Ivy an old-fashioned telephone trailing a long cord. "Hello? Doctor Pinko? This is Poison Ivy. What can I do for you?" |
| "I'm looking for a natural non-toxic dye that turns clothing pink," said Pinkus. "I've been informed that you may have knowledge of such a dye." |
| "Why do you want non-toxic?" Ivy asked "After all I love poisoning people." "People in critical condition can't complain much about their clothes." Pinkus said "Or pay ransom fees." |
| Poison Ivy just laughed "That's it? Ransom for unpinking clothes? Not only am I a botanist, I'm also a scientist. I can come up with a better plan then that." Pinkus says "Not just clothes, people too, and what prytell do you mean by a better plan?" |
| "I will make plants everywhere simultaneously erupt pollen, which will absorb into people's skin and eyes on contact!" Ivy fist-pumped. "It will make everyone turn pink and -and if they somehow manage to cure it and get it out, then they'll still see everything as being pink! It will be beautiful!" |
| "It sounds like a case of Pink Eye to me," said Doctor Pinko. Poison Ivy laughed. "Pink Eye! Good one! I can see you are not just mad but have a sense of humor as well." "Well, I don't want you to think I am a jokester. I have serious work to do." "I want half the profits," Ivy said. |
| "How about ten percent?" Pinkus suggested. "I have employees to pay, the shipping, transportation, the advertising." |
| On the phone in his lair, Dr. Pinko was sadly ignorant of the threatening gesture. "Nothing above 35%!" He shouted into the phone. "Nothing under 45%!" "Hmm..." |
| "Alright, alright," Pinkus said. "Obviously we can compromise at 40%. Deal?" "42%" said Poison Ivy. "Oh, for heavens sakes! 41%, and that's my final offer." "We have a deal," said Poison Ivy. "Now, let me be sure I am clear. You want to be able to turn everything pink and you want to be able to reverse that, but the method of reversal must be so difficult that only you know how to do it. And it all has to be safe and nontoxic. Have I summed up your desires correctly?" |
| "And further more, the victims have to keep using the cleaning solution, or the cloth will turn pink again," said Pinkus. "After all, it's not much good if we can only do this once - we want to keep making money after all. Call it Job Security." |
| Meanwhile, in Gotham City, Batman just left Arkham Asylum after stopping Scarecrow and ending one of his fear schemes with the help of Robin."Holy nightmares, that was a close call." then Barbara Gordon(Oracle) called in "Bruce, I just intercepted a phone call to Poison Ivy from an outside source, it seem that she struck a deal with a Dr. Pinkus Pinko with diabolical scheme." Batman asks "What kind of scheme are they planning?" |
| There was a long pause. "It appears that this individual wants to turn everyone... Pink." Said Oracle slowly. |
| "Oh wings of fate!" Batman exclaimed. "Did you say pink? Would that include even me?" "I'm afraid so," Oracle said. "A pink Batman?! No! No! That can never be allowed to happen!" "Then I suggest you get your ass in gear and do something about it." |
| "Funny, the plot isn't exactly life-threatening," said Robin. "Sounds more like some sort of scam-job." |
| "Let me guess." Batman said "It's probobly just a ransom for cure to bilk God knows how much money from the population." |
| Oracle says "Nevertheless, I sent all the data about Dr, Pinkus Pinko into the Bat mobile's onboard computer system. Batman says "Got it." He transfers the data onto a DVDR and gives it to Robin "Here, this should be work to the Titan computer. You and the Titans will handle him while I'll go after Poison Ivy." Robin says "Alfred, have my Robincycle ready." Alfred asks "Leaving so soon, master Timmy?" |
| As he stood on one of the many cave gantries, looking out over the abyss of the chthonic metropolis, a breeze stirred Robin's hair backwards majestically. Neither asked where it had sprung from underground. "I'm going to save everyone, Alfred. Everyone." He stood tall. "...From... Being made Pink." He turned with a sigh. "Alfred, please don't tell anyone, okay?" "I understand, sir." The butler nodded. " 'Pink' is a code-word, then? For something so horrible it must be known to the absolute minimum of people?'" "Hmm? Oh, uh, yes. Pink's definitely a code-word for something unbelievably diabolical." |
| Doctor Pinkus Pinko stood at a workbench littered with flasks and test tubes and tubing. He loved chemistry, especially putting together new apparatus. Soon he had assembled flasks and burners and tubing into a complex little chemical factory. Carefully he spooned some blue powder and some white powder into Flask A, then added some red liquid and some yellow liquid and turned on a burner. The mixture began to boil and purple smoke rose to the top of the flask where a tube carried it to Flask B where it condensed into a pink liquid. Doctor Pinko poured that pink liquid into a drying tray where it slowly crystallized into a pink powder. He then put a tiny amount of the pink powder into the food dish of one of his lab mice. |
| "Testing in case water becomes contaminated by substance," Pinkus said into a recording machine. "Testing to make sure that substance will not cause subject harm if ingested orally." The scientist wanted his victims to suffer from embarrassment, not lethal indigestion. |
| (Author's Note: If all these stories are taking place in the same universe, and apparently all at the same time...I'm going to have Mutants immigrating into Gotham...All the Rogues know of is Killer Croc and he's a Human with a skin condition,but they're not aware of Animals who have "Evolved" to Humanoid Form and intelligence let's say...This isn't the Humanimal Universe, this is Batman the Animated Series Universe, fused with the TMNT RPG Universe) Poison Ivy was feeling very good about her the Deal she made with Pinkus, this would be a fun little side project while she was making her plans for Plant Domination...She had no idea what creature had just broken into her greenhouse just for a moment of rest and shelter and an Exodus of Creatures, born and/or created in Manhattan now Pilgrims fleeing to Gotham, because most of them being either very sheltered, or in some cases literally born yesterday, didn't know who lived in Gotham. (Author's Note: In the Episode Joker's Favor, a license plate with Gotham NY reveals Gotham is in fact in New York, the comics stated it's New Jersey but if this is the Animated Series universe let's go with New York) If the Pilgrim Creatures knew the kind of Humans who lived in Gotham, they probobly would have decided to migrate to Albany instead. But back on task, Poison Ivy was feeling mighty fine and dandy...She was planning a Girl's Night Out with Harely in the following weeks and almost all of the Male Rogues were currently in Arkham, perfect time for Feminist Felons. Just then, she heard the sounds of...Crunching, very loud crunching, someone or something was in her greenhouse eating her precious fruit. She got her crossbow ready, in her mind she felt it would most likely be an Animal, but hoped it would be a man so she could torture him a while...Nothing could prepare her for what it actually was. "You made the biggest mistake of your life eating my precious plants. Out the foliage arose a massive, figure built like a tank...It was not Human, but more then a mere 'Animal' it was a Cockroach of massive proportions, was twice as tall as Ivy herself, and the expression on...It's face....Clearly showed an awareness and an intelligence that normal everyday animals don't have. Too frightened to even scream, Ivy launched and arrow in panic, the little arrow bounced harmlessly off the Insect's exoskeleton, and the Cockroach with one of it's...Hands? Could you call those things hands? Brushed the spot on it's body where the arrow struck hit, as if trying to mockingly say 'That tickles!' Without a word it rushed passed Ivy knocking her off her feet, and exited through a hole in the greenhouse it had obviously constructed for itself. A whole two minutes passed as Ivy, for the first time in the life, wondered if something she had experienced was real, or was some illusion of the senses. |
| Back at Dr. Pinko's hideout a small green mouse(Beast Boy) is exploring the place though the airducts, Robin calls in though his communicator, "Beast Boy, have you found anything yet?" Beast Boy says "All I found that this guy is seriously into pink, everything is pink, funiture, carpets and even the kitchen sink is pink." Robin says "You need to find his laboratory. We need to find out how he plans to turn the world pink." |
| Soon, Beast Boy had made it to a grill above the doctor's central laboratory. It seemed that even the lab-mice were pink here. |
| Meanwhile the cockroach, whose name was Kafka, had found a sewer to hide in. He didn't feel very secure because somewhere in the distant tunnels he could hear singing and laughing. On the other hand, even though Kafka might not be alone in the sewer, probably whoever else was down there also had reasons to hide from view. Kafka sat there thinking. He couldn't stay in the sewer forever, but at least he wsn't hungry right at the moment, thanks to Poison Ivy's fruit. At Doctor Pinkus's lab, the doctor was answering a phone call from Poison Ivy. "What? A giant cockroach! No! Of course I didn't have anything to do with it. Was it pink? Did you get any security camera footage? If you did, I would like to see it." |
| Beast Boy was watching in his mouse form, when a mischievous thought came to his mind. If there's a way to make everything pink, maybe there's a way to make everything green like me? Then he shook his head. Nah, that's stupid. |
| (Author's Note: OK I owe it to Hertz, to explain the whole 'Table' thing since I didn't explain it in Feral's story...The Table's are basically how you select a species randomly in the TMNT RPG, so you can see for yourselves, here is where you can see the first pages of one of the books Mutants of Avalon just click 'Full Size Preview and scroll down http://www.drivethrurpg.com/product/61142/After-the-Bomb-Book-5-Mutants-in-Avalo...) So, to demonstrate species creation, roll two ten sided dice for what kind of animal Table:, Ten Tables Dice says 00, One Tables dice says 9, that's the British Mammals Table Now roll for specific British Mammal: 08 That is the Common House Cat We'll determine Origin Story Later, for now Stats: Intelligence: 3+5+5=13 (I.Q. of 130) Willpower: 5+2+1=8+2=10 Charisma: 6+6+2=14 Strength 2+6+3=11 Agility: 4+4+1=9+3=12 Endurance:3+2+2=7 Beauty: 6+3+2=11 Speed: 5+1+1=7 House Cats get Racial Bonuses +2 to Willpower and +3 to Agility. Une, was a Persian Cat Mutant who had seen something of the rest of the world, She was more or less the leader of her collation of 33 Mutants who had escaped NYC and was looking for a safer place to live. She had sent Kafka to scout the new City for possible nest and den sites...That was three days ago. "Scout Kafka must have gotten in trouble again." Une sighed, she turned to her Followers "Hang tight everyone...I'm going to get him." |
| Meanwhile, in Titan Tower. Robin, Cyborg, Starfire and Raven are overlooking Beast Boy's progress through the monitors in which Beast Boy is currently wearing a spycam so they can both see and hear everything, Robin says "Okay, keep your sights trained on those mice. No doubt he's using them to test his twisted scheme. I want to analyze the that pink serum that's in their fur." Beast Boy says "Okay, but dude. This is messed up." Suddenly Oracle calls in "Robin, could you send one of your other Titans to Gotham City? There are reports of a cockroach the size of Killer Croc." Robin says "Could it be one of Killer Moth's creatiions?" Oracle says "It doesn't show any hostility so far." Cyborg says "I'll go, if it is hostile. I got the firepower to put it down." |
| Secure in his sewer hideout, Kafka the cockroach fell into a deep sleep. He dreamed he was a human and didn't have to run away and hide all the time. He didn't have to steal food, he owned a refrigerator full of it. Cyborg arrived in Gotham City. Now where would a cockroach hide? Cyborg decided to lay a trap. In a dark alley he put out a nice picnic feast with assorted cheeses, peanut butter, and some soft candies. If I know roaches, and I think I do, then this will attract him. |
| At this, someone tapped Cyborg on the shoulder. Cyborg turned, and found himself looking at a bear in a suit. "What in the world?" Cyborg shouted. "A bear in a suit!" "Wow, a talking tin can," the bear said, nonchalantly. Cyborg looked at the bear, and noticed that no one was paying attention. "Okay, how come no one is looking at us?" The bear tapped watch-like device on his wrist. "Dulls the senses of most humans," the bear said. "Most only see a big muscular man in a suit. Doesn't work on machines or cameras though, thus why you see me as I am." "Okay, where did you get that?" Cyborg asked. "And how are you talking?" "You might say that both me and the watch are products of two separate experiments," the bear said. "A number of my friends are being held captive by a deranged mad scientist." "How deranged?" Cyborg asked. "Let's just say that I was once human, until my soul was placed in the body of a bear, and the soul of that bear was placed in my body," said the bear. "He's done other things as well - placed the soul of a woman into the body of a cat, and placed the soul of her kind and loving husband into the body of a mouse, and then placed them both in the same cage, to see if the hunting instincts of the cat would win over, and have her kill her husband." "What happened?" Cyborg asked. "Let's just say that even I have trouble believing it, and I saw it." "Did she kill him?" Cyborg asked. "No, it was even crazier," said the bear. "A different instinct occurred, and now she's pregnant, with his kids." Cyborg blinked. "That is crazy." |
| Just for the record dear readers, the Cat the Bear was referring to was not Une, she was born a Cat merely Mutated into Humanoid Form. Here we demonstrate how to roll a Mutant Background, for our purposes, we'll say Une was a product of deliberate experimentation, so All we have to roll now for is education and what kind of place mutated her. Education: 16 Raised in the home of a researcher as a pet, Character will resent Humans somewhat but wil still attempt to find acceptence among mankind, trained instead of educated. Now for the type of organization: 05 Biological Research Facility |
| Oracle calls in through Cyborg's internal communication system, "Victor, whatever your doing, it's working. That cockroach is heading your way." Cyborg says "For the record, the name's Cyborg now. Victor died when my father died. Do me another favor." Oracle says "What is it Vic..err Cyborg?" Can your computer look up Mad Scientists that works on animals and soul transference?" Oracle says "Yeah, why?" I ran into a bear in a suit that is once a man, he says that some deranged mad scientist switched his soul with a bear, now there's a man in that lab with a soul of a bear." Oracle says "Oh, the twisted experiments this scientist conduct. Okay, looking it up. I'll contact you when I find the answer." |
| "Great," Said Cyborg quietly as some loose grains of concrete on the pavement began rattling. Whatever was coming, it was big. "Just great." The grains of sand skipped and boiled, then were joined in their dance by pebbles, then by sizeable pieces of trash- and then the manhole flew off a cover at the end of the alley. Cyborg gritted his teeth at the sound of concrete cracking, solid ground busting and screeching against itself as it was rent. From under the manhole, a revolting head and thorax began to probe. Preceded by weaving feelers, covered in mucus, and liberally coated in concrete-dust, Kafka slid out of his hole, shaking himself as he caught sight of the food at last. He made a revolting chittering sound deep behind his mandibles as he closed in, rubble falling sliding off his pulsating flanks to crack against the ground. Farther down the alleyway, Cyborg grimaced against the smell and readied his sonic cannon, taking aim carefully. |
| "Don't do that," Kafka said. Cyborg lowered his weapon slightly. "It talks! So, you're not a mindless insectoid monster, eh?" "Certainly not. I'm a mutant like yourself." "I was only instructed to kill you if you were hostile. I don't believe you are." "I'm not," Kafka said. "I'm a scout for Une. Ever heard of her?" |
| "Une is the Leader of our Clan of Mutants." Said Kafka "She's leading us Mutant Pilgrims to a safe place that we can call home." Une meanwhile was following Kafka's scent, he had left scent markers on his journey for the others to follow, leaving a different, stronger scent for what he thought was a great food source or nest or den site. The Sun was now rising and Une knew she couldn't be seen in broad daylight, she found a house that looked like it was abandoned, she sniffed, no one had been there for months. She found a bed and started to sleep, she would continue her journey at sunset. Meanwhile, Scarecrow who had been stopped by Batman and Robin just a day ago managed to escape...Yeah it's that much of a revolving door. He made his way to one of his favorite lairs, the windows were blacked out to prevent sunlight from harming his precious books, he restocked the kitchen with groceries, and headed to his bedroom. When he turned on the light, he was not expecting something to be sleeping in his bed. The instant the light was turned on, a figure sat straight up, it looked like a Human Woman but had the Head and Tail of a Cat. Jonathan Crane did scream but anybody would scream if you found a Monster in your bed. Crane was caught so off guard he was ill prepared to defend himself. The Cat-Woman (Who was not Selena Kyle) Made a flying leap at him, pinned him to the ground, tied him up and proceeded to take him, slung over her shoulder much to his chagrin, to the Kitchen where he was placed on the floor. "You don't look like much." The Cat Woman said "Not much meat on you at all...But a little meat is better then no meat...You will do well feeding the children of our clan. Oh fuckity fuck fuck, fuckity fuck. Was what was going on in Scarecrow's head. But he didn't become the Master of Fear by cowering before monsters. "Who are you?!" Scarecrow asked trying not to show fear in his voice or his face "What are you?!" "I was once a perfectly normal, everyday cat." The Creature said as she started rummaging in the cupboards "But now I have been transformed into something more...I have been appointed leader of my small clan of fellow animals who have been transformed by the cruel hands of man...And now we seek a new home...Birds need a Roost, Beasts need a Den, and we have decided this place is the perfect habitat for our eclectic group." Scarecrow's eyes widened "Oh no, no no...You freaks are not going to nest in Gotham City!" "Why not?" Asked Une as she got down a loaf of bread "And keep in mind, you filthy naked apes don't approve is not a viable answer." 'Blast.' Jonathan thought 'This freak is smart.' |
| Scarecrow gets out his mask and a vial of his patent fear gas, "I do have a viable answer" He says as he slips on his mask, "I don't know who you are but call me The Scarecrow and I am the master of fear!" he then tosses the vial towards Une where it smashes open, Une choked on the yellow gas and soon Une stared at Scarecrow wide eyed with fear as the gas took effect. In her mind, Scarecrow is a monsterous being. Then water began flowing out of the tap and drain of the sink. "NO! NOT WATER! DON'T LET ME DROWN! DON'T LET ME DROWN!" Scarecrow says "It seems my feline intruder has Aqua phobia, the fear of water." |
| Maddened with terror, Une swiped at him, staggering against the counter as she simultaneously tried to escape the dripping tap. Scarecrow dodged, lunging in under her arm, driving his shoulder into the feline's gut. With the reflexes of a cat, Une scored a nasty gash down the side of his mask even as she toppled forward. Scarecrow felt soft fur under his clenched fingers as he lunged upwards and grabbed her by the scruff of her neck, seizing her clawing arm with his other hand and yanking her forward. "You come into my house..." He swung the howling feline around, grimacing as his mask grew soggy with blood, even as he smashed the cat's head into the counter. "...Try to eat me..." He growled in excitement as he brought the frantic cat's head down on the counter again, and again, bashing fang-marks in the countertop as plaster flew. Something in Une's head gave way with a crunch. "...And now you want to infest my city?!" He yelped as one of Une's claws raked down his back, but growled and brought her head down with a final retort like lighting splitting a rock. Panting, near blind with his own blood, he knocked on the faucet full-blast, forcing Une's head under the water eve as his knee found her gut once again. "You came to the wrong town!" Insane with fright, Une had long since ceased to do anything consciously, and acted to the limit of her body as freezing, frothing water enveloped her head. Somehow, she got her right arm under her, swiping across and up, trio of claws raking up the Scarecrow's frontside, cleaving red chasms in their wake. The movement was half-done when she twisted her entire body, breaking free of the hold, launching herself halfway across the room as she kicked off the howling man. Panting, heedless of the blood pouring from her broken nose and the sockets of her lost teeth, Une shook wildly, trying to force the remaining water off. Bleeding and cursing, Scarecrow staggered to his feet, hurling a kitchen knife and another phial of fear-gas after her with a vengeance. |
| Une ran out of the house and didn't stop running until she found a dark place to hide. Meanwhile, the Cyborg was thinking about what Kafka had said and not liking it very much. "I'm not sure you and your mutant friends will be happy trying to make a home here." "Oh really?" Kafaka said. "Who are you? The local Happy Living advisor?" |
| "You'd be too conspicuous," said the bear in a suit. "You don't have a means of disguising yourselves." |
| "And who are you exactly?" Asked Kafka "Obviously not the same thing as you are." Said the Bear "I'm a Human trapped in a Bear's Body, you seem to be...A Cockroach trapped in a Giant Cockroach's body." Just then, in an instant, They were both pink "What the ^$@% just happened?!" Yelled the Bear Kafka licked himself "Hmmm I taste like strawberry!" He said Meanwhile, Une was nursing her wounds in a dark abandoned warehouse, she could hardly see or smell anything. "You've had a rough time haven't you?" Came a voice. Une looked around, she saw a Human woman in a leather suit with cat ears "Poor thing..."Said the Woman "...Let me get you cleaned up." "Who are you?" Une asked for some reason she was not afraid of this Human. "They call me Catwoman...But you can just call me Selena." |
| Meanwhile, Beast Boy made it out of Dr. Pinko's house "I'm glad I'm finished here, Pink isn't my color." Robin asked "What did you slip in that serum?" "What else bra, powdered gelatin strawberry flavored and a little bit of water. It'll wear off shortly making Dr. Pinko's extortion scheme fail." Robin says "I got another job for you Beast Boy, and it's right up your alley. A rescue mission." Beast Boy says "As long as it doesn't involve pink, who needs rescuing and from who do I rescue him or her?" |
| "Oracle has just called in- Une is being held by Catwoman!" Said Robin. Beast Boy looked at him blankly. "Catwoman? Okay then... So, who's Une?" "...I was just about to ask Oracle that." |
| "Une is a Persian Cat Mutant," Oracle said. "She's the leader of the group known as The 33 New York Mutants." Beast Boy scratched his head. "Well, what the heck is The 33 New York Mutants? A glee club?" |
| "More like a group of animals who have been mutated to have humanoid forms," said Oracle. "Someone like you might be able to talk to them easier than a normal human would be able to, being that you are capable of turning yourself into various animals." |
| Une however wasn't in any anger, in fact Catwoman was being real nice to Une giving her Catnip Tea and cleaning her wounds. "The nice thing about being a Persian Cat..." Said Une "No one can tell you have a broken nose." "How many Mutants are in your group?" Selena asked "33 all together." Une said as she sipped some of her tea "My two lieutenants are a Wolverine and a Hare...And they...Uh oh..." "What's wrong?" Selena asked "The Hare Mutant has always been kind of 'psychic' she knows when I'm in pain." Said Une "When I got attacked, She and the Wolverine probably set out looking for me..." As the two spoke, Edward Nygma was playing his only version of Five Nights at Freddy's in his own lair Turning on the light, he sees a monstrous Wolverine leaning in the doorway he closes the power door, on the left side a Monstrous Hare peeks in the window "Shit!" Riddler screams closing the other power door "Two of them!" He gasps "Two monsters!" |
| A voice in his head says "Now that was rude." "Ahh! Get out of my head!" Riddler screamed. "Sorry for the intrusion, we were looking for our leader Une, "I don't have this Une, I'm alone here. What is this Une anyway. "She is a Persian cat mutant." "You might want to try Selena Kyle, also known at the Catwoman." |
| With telepathic abilities overpoweringly deficient in comparison to her wolverine comrade, Luthien the mutant hare could only narrow her eyes suspiciously as the psychic conversation ensued. She crouched by the blocked window wearily, keeping aithg t watch down the hallway as she nursed a shiny burn on her calf. Not all of the compound's traps had been disabled so easily. The wolverine leant against the door, head cocked as if listening, growling intermittently as he 'spoke' to the human locked inside. At length, he turned away with a scowl. "This clown doesn't have Une." He growled -or so Luthien thought; everything was some sort of growl with this one. "But he does have an idea where she might be. With some master-thief, named 'catwoman'. She's got a lair down by the docks, and since that's roughly where you felt Une's pain-signature coming from, I think we should head there." Luthien nodded, already breaking into an easy lope down the bleak corridor. The hare's ear waggled, her very own psychic antennae, and she triple-checking her leader's state of being. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed her ally looking at her with rapt curiosity. "She's not really in pain, not right now. Hurts a bit, but it's considerably less." Said Luthien. Not that that's saying much. She left unsaid, trying not think back to the psychic flare that had erupted earlier. When she got her paws on whoever had tangled with Une... The final door almost broke open as the duo raced through, gaining speed with every bound, blurring to nothingness in the night of the Gotham countryside. For all her fear of what had happened to Une, at least it seemed that she hadn't been captured by humans; their greatest fear. |
| Scarecrow was nursing his own woods at his hiding place in a little clearing in the forest. "Ohhh, I don't feel so good," he moaned and fell over. Soon he was deeply asleep. In Titan Tower, Batman and Robin were discussing the escape of Scarecrow. "I can't believe he's escaped again!" Robin said. "Yeah," Batman said. "I think we need to review our security procedures." |
| Meanwhile, Une was still with Catwoman "I was looking for our Cockroach Scout Kafka and..." Une just noticed the world outside the window "Why is everything all pink all of a sudden?" |
| Catwoman says "Because that crazy scientist "Dr. Pinkus Pinko turned everything pink, with the help of Poison Ivy." Meanwhile Poison Ivy is admiring Dr. Pinko's work. "Strawberries? I don't remember giving Dr. Pinko Strawberries. They're supposed to smell like Roses." She gives Dr. Pinko a call. |
| The reception was prompt in the coming. "Where did you get all the strawberry colours?" Asked Ivy, taking a heady whiff of the delicious odour. |
| "That's a mystery," said Doctor Pinko. "An unexpected result. I've been rechecking my calculations and formulas and I do not see how anything could smell like strawberries." "Then it's very suspicious," said Poison Ivy. "Perhaps someone tampered with our work." "You think so? But who?" |
| "Maybe someone sneaked into your lair," said Ivy. "That would be annoying," said Pinkus. "It would have been polite if they had knocked." |
| "Yeah...People trying to sabotage you wouldn't do that." Poison Ivy said "But anyway I'm still trying to find out where that giant cockroach came from and...Hang on...I think I see one of my Fellow Gotham Rouges he looks injured." Jonathan Crane, had wandered near Ivy's lair "It was a good thing he was nearly blind so he couldn't see he was pink like everything else." "Scarecrow." Ivy called "Why are you here...And what's wrong with your face?" "Some...Mutant Cat...Broke into my house." Scarecrow said "Really?" Ivy was now interested "A cockroach broke into my greenhouse a day ago...I'll get you cleaned up and we can talk about it." |
| At his frozen lair, Mr. Freeze is looking at his cryogenically frozen wife, "Oh Nora, how I longed for us to feel the rays of a warm sun together, if only if I can find a cure to your sickness and find a way to reverse my current condition." An alarm just went off "It seems that I have an intruder." Mr. freeze presses a button hiding Nora's cryogenic chamber behind a huge door, then he picks up his Freeze gun off of a shelf. "It's time I give it a cold reception, 50 degrees below zero cold." |
| He tread leisurely down the hall, readying his gun as he neared the corner to the foyer. His base was full of reflective ice sheets for a reason, and he hardly needed a security camera to peer into the room beyond. What he saw gave him pause. Three figures were poking around the far end of the room, resembling to Freeze's mind the Cheetah or one other animalistic associate of his. Curious-how had they gotten in? But if they shared anything with her besides appearances, these three mutants would be formidable. Slowly, Freeze flicked his ray to 'auto'. |
| At the sound of the click, the three mutants froze in place. "Do not use your weapon," one of them said. "We have something important to tell you." "I'm listening," said Mr Freeze. |
| "Why are you telling me this?" Mr. Freeze asked The Feline Creature who in this light looked more like a Persian Cat then a Cheetah said "Someone asked us to tell you, if we did we would be granted safe passage through Gotham." "Who was the person who asked you?" Mr Freeze asked "Selena Kyle." Said the Wolverine "Out of general courtesy." The Hare creature was nibbling something "Shame we have to leave this place." The Hare said "These cookies are delicious!" "Yes but it's not safe here." The Cat said "Selena told me that once this criminal named Joker tried to drop an atomic bomb on the town, what to prevent him from doing it again?" |
| "Most importantly, you have to leave this building," said Freeze, with a dizzying sense of the surreal. "Okay, okay -we're going," said the hare. "Just remember; everything's pink." |
| "Yes," said Freeze, "I understand. Everything's pink. Now get out!" After they left Freeze muttered to himself. "Crazy pranksters. Everything is pink. Ha! Where do they get their weird ideas?" |
| "This is why I don't let you have sugar." Une said "I wish Catwoman hadn't given you those cookies." Meanwhile Poison Ivy had healed Scarecrow's wounds "Why did you put a blindfold on me?" Scarecrow asked "I don't want you to see some of the things I'm working on." Ivy said "Now tell me about this Cat..." |
| "She was humanoid, and broke into my hide-out, and tied me up. She considered eating me, but decided that she'd feed me to her cubs instead. Sounded like there was quite a gang of them on the way." "Ouch. So, how'd you get out of that?" "I didn't break out of a maximum security prison, er, asylum, in just a few hours to be rendered helpless by some knots. I got out, we had a fight, and I managed to hit her with my Fear Gas. She scratched me up pretty good, but ran away after I showed her some running water." "....I see. Do you think she was working with the giant termite that attacked my precious flower-bed?" |
| "Could be," Scarecrow said. "To tell you the truth, the whole thing is a mystery to me. I don't know who's who or what's what." "I'll tell you what I know about it," Poison Ivy said. "By the way, do you have any objection to being pink?" "Pink? What do you mean?" "I mean pink skin, pink hair, pink eyes, pink shoes, pink clothes..." "That's a lot of pink." |
| "Yeah, some nut wants to make everything pink," said Ivy. "Non-toxic of course. He wants to be seen as a nut." |
| Scarecrow took a deep breath "In that case I'm glad I'm blindfolded. One more thing, that Cat said she and her companions were created by the hands of Man, at least that's what she told me...Do you think some scientists are looking for they're escaped experiments and if so...Do you think we'd get a reard for returning them?" |
| Poison Ivy says "I imagine that whoever made them will want them back badly, and scientists like that don't give out rewards like that." Scarecrow says "Too bad, I could use the money. The chemicals I use for my experiments don't come cheap." Poison Ivy uses a damp cloth to wash some dirt of Scarecrow's cheek, as she does she washes more then dirt, as a result his cheek is back to it's pale color then pink, "Hmm, interesting. It's washing off. the Pink skin is washing off." |
| "I bet this client of yours won't be happy." Just then, Ivy's phone rang. "Ivy! What is this?" Bawled Pinko, in the midst of a nervous break down. "It's wearing off! My beautiful pink... everything... is wearing off!" |
| "Oh, for Pete's sake!" Ivy said. "Did you ever stop to consider that this insane desire of yours to turn the world pink might merely be the result of some childhood bullying?" Doctor Pinko gasped. "You are turning against me, too?!" "No, I'm only trying to help you." "You? YOU?! You're a psychopathic criminal? How could YOU ever help anyone?" Ivy hung up the phone. That was really too much. |
| "Sounds like a nut," said Scarecrow. "I think that's what he wants people to think," said Ivy. "Then again, One thing about this stuff was that it was supposed to come back." |
| Is now a good time to start the next chapter So Une led her People out of Gotham to the Great Wilderness up North, but not before sending the flying members of her tribe to send messages far and wide to any Mutants within earshot 'Don't go to Gotham!Whatever you do, Don't go the Gotham! There are greener pastures out there!" |
| With Kafka gone back with Une and the rest of the mutants, Cyborg says "Now let's see about rescue mission until he got a call from Robin "Cyborg, we got trouble! Brother Blood and the H.I.V.E. academy are in Metropolis, they are attacking STAR Labs and they have joined forces with Matello and he has Superman weakened and we sure could use your help." Cyborg says "That is just great. Sorry buddy but Brother Blood and I have issues." Mr. Bear says "But you promised." |
| Doctor Pinko sat by the phone, brooding over what Ivy had told him. Was it true? Was he just trying to get revenge for a little childhood bullying? Was that the mature thing to do? Didn't most people eventually get over their childhood misfortunes and move on with their life? Was he stuck in the past and unable to experience emotional growth? |
| Then Pinkus chuckled. "Well, let's take a look at how everyone looked when they were pink, especially my old high school bullies." |
| Just outside of Dr. Pinko's place, a purple car pulls in front of it, inside Harley Quinn along with the Joker just talks "What are we doing here Mr. J?" Harley says, Joker says "Paying a visit to Dr. Pinkus Pinko. Acording to the map, this is the place." Harley looks at the place, "Oh great, more pink." "Come Harley, we have business to discuss to the good doctor." Inside the house Dave was eating a ham and cheese sandwich when he heard knocking on the front door, he put his sandwich on a plate on the dining room table and went to the foyer to answer the door, when he opened the door he recognized the Joker "The Joker, what do you want?" "I'm here to see Dr. Pinko my good man, is he in?" "Do you have an appointment?" "Oh deer, I didn't realize we had to make an appointment, could I see him anyway?" "Sorry, you can't see the Doctor without an appointment, so I suggest you leave." Joker turns to Harley "Do you smell that Harl?" Harley sniffs at Dave "Ham and cheese." Joker places his left hand on Dave's back "Did you know ham can give you gas?" On cue Joker squeezes his flower on his lapel which gives out a red vaporous gas right in Dave's face. "What are you? *cough* my physicia-ha-ha-ha-ha." Then he doubles over laughing uncontrollably sporting that signature face. Harley says "How do we find Dr. Pinko now?" |
| "146 degrees today," said Worldshaper Dr. Magnus Crimson. A rainbow of holographic lights reflected off his face, splotching it sharply with bands of luminous purple and green in the darkness of the control room. "The average atmospheric temperature should 145.6 degrees. We are late." All around him, tentacles waved and twitched over ethereal readouts. " 'Late?' "queried Dr. Becky Vivisectanius, stepping up beside her colleague. "That's not like us. What is going on?" "It seems that the gas-dust ratio was too high when we installed the atmosphere. Coupled with unusual solar activity, we are receiving more heat than we are venting." "Well, that's not good," Becky cupped her chin. Reasoning her way through verbally. "Normally, we'd have to wait for the solar flares to die down in a few decades, then continue as normal. But the Emperor wants this planet inhabitable now. We'll need a Reflector..." They both could only ponder at that, Magnus's plethora of pseudopods never slowing even as their owner introspected. "....The problem is: Where to get one on such short notice?" Becky nodded. The huge satellites were always high in demand; with the mountain of bureaucracy involved in borrowing one, it'd most likely be faster to wait for the planet to go back to cooling off naturally. But the Emperor had ordered and entrusted them with completing this job quickly, and ultimately they might lack the luxury of dealing with bureaucrats. "I think that we may have to borrow one, without asking in advance," said Becky slowly. "What do you mean by that?" Magnus's spiracles twitched. "Steal one, and worry about the fall-out afterwards." The World Shaper nodded to herself. Their ship was powerful and advanced -it could pull it off. What mattered was ensuring Dr. Crimsons' cooperation... “That’s ludicrous. Dr, if we could start looking at some serious alternatives…” But they both knew that, in this almost empty system so far from settled space, there were none. |
| Dr. Magnus Crimson had not looked forward to working on a World Shaper project with Dr. Becky Vivisectanius. Her reputation for kinky and offbeat behavior was legend. With the two of them being the only two high status humans on the huge World Shaper satellite, it was always possible that natural urges might get out of control. Magnus, of course, took his daily dose of Sex-Be-Gone medication, but he wasn't so sure about Becky. Oops, better remember to call her Dr. Vivisectanius, but Gawd, that was a difficult name to say! She was looking at him now with sparkles in her eyes. "Magnus, I do wish you would call me Becky. It is my name, you know." |
| "Yes," said Dr. Vivisectanius -oops, 'Becky'- with a sultry purr. She leaned forward, unbuttoning her lab coat. "Lets get to it..." "Uh, I meant 'lets get to work on figuring out how to deflect all the solar radiation'." "What?" Becky blinked. "Okay, okay. What do you think that we just go take a Reflector? We'd be doing the Emperor's work, after all..." "Erm.... I don't know. Maybe we could check again, see if there are any passing ice-comets we could redirect into the planet or something..." "Oh, come on," said Becky. She punched a star-chart. "There's one operating right here, in the Blue Nebula! We might not be able to confiscate it, but I'm sure local security has nothing on us. We could cause a diversion, hook it up, and be back here too fast to track." |
| "You sure play fast and loose with the rules, " Magnus said. "I play fast and loose with everything," Becky said, and winked. Magnus blushed. Why the hell did Central have to assign him to work with her? "Alright then, if you think we can get away with stealing a reflector..." "Don't say stealing," Becky said. "We're just going to borrow it for awhile." They exited the huge World Shaper satellite in one of the shuttles. It shot out of a portal like a Boogaroo spitting out a Cankermelon seed. An hour later, they were in the Blue Nebula drifting in close to an unguarded reflector. "This is almost too easy," Becky said. "I was hoping for a little more excitement." Magnus winced. His heart was already racing just from his anxiety over the fact they were stealing a reflector. |
| (Note: Sorry in advance, everyone, if this was a stupid idea. I confess I honestly couldn't think of anything better.) Slowly, the shuttle's grapples spiralled out on their telescoping arms to suction on to the huge satellite. It looked something like a baby ringed octopus molesting a comatose blue whale. Slowly ('slowly' like a turtle tethered to a glacier) but gaining speed, they began to pull away. "You know, we're probably going to need a diversion..." Becky mused. The siren's insides began pulsing red light, keeping time with a screeching siren. "...Since we seem to have attracted some patrol-craft." "Let's buckle up." Magnus sighed, easing the throttle forward as far as he dared. "You know, I went to school for twenty years for this job. I never even thought it would involve measures this weird or stupid." "I know!" Said Becky. She ran her tongue over her teeth, giving him a heavy glance. "Isn't it all exciting?" "Just, try not to throw up. I think your digestive enzymes could harm the civilizations of microorganisms that live on all the crap these seats are covered in." |
(It's a fine idea. Now, Doctor Pinko was a stupid idea.  Sorry, Wolf!)The shuttle shot away like a Prangprang Bat that just echolocated its prey. Fortunately, the "patrol craft" turned out to be just a reflector maintenance ship and had no chance of catching them. Back on the Worldshaper satellite, Becky Vivisectanius shook out her long black hair. "That was fun, Magnus! I'm so excited! You know what would be really good right now?" Silently, Magnus repeated to himself Don't tell me! Don't tell me!. |
| Becky checked her notes, "Let's see if I can get down to business, what shall I do, create a new world from scratch or turn a dead planet into a living world?" |
| As she made her notes, she spotted something out of the corner of her eye, it was one of the Splicer Crew Members, Humans who had been fused with Animal DNA for a verity of reasons, this one was a Skunk Splicer, but instead of smelling bad his scent glands produced a mixture of perfumes and pheromones as he was meant to be a Splicer for Sexual Pleasure. "Who are you?" Becky asked "They simply call me Andre." The Skunk Hunk said "I can see Magnus has been giving you the cold shoulder...Perhaps this humble Splicer can come to your aid." The Skunk swished his stripey tail some more releasing the some more sweet scent |
| "I thought you'd never ask," said Becky, pressing in eagerly. Behind her, Magnus kept studiously looking out the shuttle's holographic window, ignoring the escalating sounds and smells behind him. "So, uh, Becky? What are we going to do now that we have this insanely expensive piece of stolen property on our hands?" He grimaced at a cacophony of moaning noises. "You're right; I'll hook it up, then we'll put it back and this will all be done. Glad to have a leader like you." More moaning noises. |
| Suddenly Becky was behind Magnus putting her arms around him. He jumped, startled by her sudden approach. What was that smell? The phrase "French whorehouse" came to mind. He turned to face her. "What are you doing?" "Oh, Magnus, you jerk," Becky said. "Why are you such a cold fish?" "It's probably my Sex-Be-Gone pills that I take every day." "What?! How DARE you?! Do you know how it hurts a woman to feel unwanted? And you are DELIBERATELY medicating yourself to feel that way? You BASTARD!" She slapped his face with a loud WHACK! |
| Andre chuckled. "Maybe I can help out with that little detail." The skunk grabbed a hold of Magus, and covered him in the scent. |
| While Becky and Magnus were utterly distracted, Andre pocketed the secret plans Becky had in her desk, Andre planned to takes these back to his fellow Splicers |
| "Magnus! You smell amazing!" said Becky. "Watch out -I'm trying to commit grand-theft-satellite here. Go away!" Magnus backed into the control pad. "Oh, I love it when you talk that way!" |
| While Becky and Magnus made mad passionate love (OK, Becky did that while Magnus protested: Stop that! What are you doing?) anyway, while the lovemaking ensued, Andre the Splicer took the plans he stole from Becky's desk and jumped into his space scooter hoping to make a quick, unnoticed getaway. |
| "Well, that was fun," said Andre. "I really ought to help out more couples who have trouble with their lovemaking." |
| When Andre got back to his Splicer Colony, he was greeted by Psi, a Black Cat Splicer with Psychic Abilities and Wanda an Exotic Giraffe Splicer also designed primarily to be a Sex Slave. "I got the plans." Said Andre "Where is Leona?" "In her office." Psi purred licking her lips "You'll come back soon for the feast?" Wanda giggled coyly "Don't worry I will." Andre said Leona the Lioness Splicer and self proclaimed 'Queen' of the Splicers was at her drawing board when Andre came in with the Plans "Very good Andre." Leona said "With these Plans...We can create our own world free from the Humans!" |
| The Reflector was in place and working beautifully. As he pulled back into the mothership, Dr. Magnus could only shake his head to himself. So far, there had been almost no police missives regarding the borrowed machine. The entire plan was working beautifully. "You were great back there, Maggie," drawled Becky in the co-pilot's chair, looking like she might simply melt and trickle out at any moment. "I blame the Splicer," sighed Magnus. "I'll admit I don't even know why we brought a giant glorified sex-toy on a terraforming and research mission." "Heheh, yeah; I should give him a raise," Becky's eyes flicked around the shuttle's single tiny cabin/cockpit. "Hey where is that Splicer, anyway?" |
| Magnus looked around. "I don't know. Strange that he should leave without saying good-bye." "I don't like this," Becky said. "He probably just had an emergency to tend to." "And not even leave a note? Mark my words, something is amiss here." |
| Becky went to her desk "Let me check the plans." As she opened the desk drawer she found her plans missing, "That dirty skunk, he stole my plans!" Magnus says "So that's it, he distracted us so he can steal from you," Becky says "That Splicer is gonna pay, no one steals from Becky Vivisectanius!" |
| As the Feast on the Splicer Colony began to take shape, Leona rung her goblet for attention. "Thanks to our dear Skunk Brother Andre we will now have our own Home world free from Humanity..." Just then a young Chameleon Splicer shouted "Humans coming at Twelve O'clock!" |
| "Quick! Everybody act normal!" Yelled Leona. It was a command which wasn't hard to execute for Andre and several of the other pleasure-splicers -if nothing else, at least the appearance of them all 'practising' together went well with the party atmosphere of the feast hall. As for the others- several construction splicers picked up and moved the furnishings randomly, an electrician began tinkering with the lights, and still more began alternately setting and un-setting the table. A human walked through, bionic implants humming, and never gave the outlandish gathering so much as a spare glance. The eyes of the 'hard-working' Splicers followed it every step of the way. "Well, that was close," Leona resumed her seat at the table, giving the ceiling -and the large human-colony resting above it- a suspicious glance. "Now, as I was saying, all we have to do now is figure out how to build a planet..." |
| "We need to steal one of those World Shaper satellites!" said a young splicer named Gene. Leona aimed a skeptical glance at him. "Steal an entire World Shaper satellite? Do you have any idea how large those things are?" "Yes, but it's all automated. Sometimes they orbit for years with no one onboard except an occasional technician or visiting scientist." "Hmmm, I can see you have studied this. How do you propose to steal one?" Gene was beaming now that he was the center of attention. His voice took on a conspiratorial tone. "We locate an unoccupied World Shaper, one that is just quietly doing its thing. All we need is access to the database that shows where World Shapers are currently at work." |
| "Let's take a look at it, and try to figure out alternative plans for, just in case." |
| Gene who was a Red Fox Splicer started to feel his head swell with pride for years he wanted to be more then just a lowly ornamental Splicer and now was his big chance! |
| "Excellent work, Gene," said Andre. "But only, how do we get the database?" "Well, I think there are two ways," said Gene. "First off, we can spend years hacking into one to get aboard, and hope that the Humans never get wind that we're trying to steal it..." he trailed off. "Or we could just kidnap a technician and force them to give us the plans instead!" "Well, Door #2 would certainly be faster..." Mused Leona. Aloud, she asked herself: "Only, how do we find someone who knows the codes?" |
| Long story short, they found someone, got the codes, and were ready to steal the World Shaper. As luck would have it, it was the same World Shaper where Becky Vivisectanius and her reluctant lover Magnus Crimson were currently dilly dallying. "Did you hear a knock on the door?" Magnus said. "That's impossible!" Becky said. "There is nothing outside but empty space." The knocking came again, louder, more insistent. "I better see who it is," Magnus said, but before he could get up, the door burst open and in piled Gene the red fox and Psi the black cat, both splicers. "Oh!" Gene said. "I didn't know this World Shaper was occupied!" |
| Becky was furious of the intrusion "How dare you? First a Splicer skunk played cupid on us so he can steal my plans, now you two bust in here hoping to steal my SATILITE!!!?" |
| Gene then realized he was way over his head "Oops." He said "Back away!" Shouted Psi as she used a Psychic Force Field to keep the Humans at bay. Meanwhile Leona was in her room when in burst another Psychic Splicer Morgan the Raven burst in. "Gene and my mate Psi are in trouble!" Panted the Bird Splicer "I've got to go after them!" |
| "Get to the Chopper!" yelled Leona, referring to the rather choppy emergency teleport. "And take Andre and Terry with you." Soon, Morgan the psychic raven, Andre the love-inducing skunk, and Terry the super-stretchy chameleon were locked in the teleport chamber, gritting their teeth as blue sparks swirled around them, erasing them atom by atom. Meanwhile, Gene and Psi were getting the worst of it. With a flick of one of Magnus's metallic combat tentacles, the psychic splicer was thrown across the room to crack against a bulkhead. The cat slumped to the floor, lolling and mumbling vague obscenities. Next to her, a similarly battered Gene looked at his pair of heavily modified power tools dubiously. He staggered to his feat, letting the plasma cutters buzz threateningly as Becky walked into the room, hands in fists. The human was fully a head shorter then the splicer and thirty pounds lighter, but as he raised his weapons, Gene didn't doubt how this was likely to end. |
| Morgan, Andre, and Terry arrived in a shower of blue sparks. "Hold it right there, everybody! I've got a bomb!" said Morgan. "What the hell?" Magnus said. "You would blow us all up?" "That's right, infidel," Morgan said. "I'm a member of the Suicidal Splicer Cult. Not all splicers are suicidal. But I am!" He brandished the bomb so they could see it was armed and ready. "Better believe him," Terry said. "We don't intend to fail at this mission. It's success or death." "Oh, let them have the satellite," Becky said. "I've heard about the Suicidal Splicer Cult. It's for real." "What are you going to do with us?" Magnus said. "You are free to go. We just want the World Shaper satellite. Splicers Forever!" The other splicers raised their fists and shouted, "Splicers Forever!" |
| As they returned to the Splicer Colony Leona congratulated them for their fine work. "You have all done well." She said "And Psi, Gene I'll get Mellow to repair the Damages you've been dealt." Mellow was a Healing Splicer of Black Mamba decent, she leaned out of her Nurse's Office smiling a Serpent's Grin |
| "Oh, don' you run away from me, mon!" called Mellow the Black Mamba. "I yam goin' to heel you! Come to mama, baby!" Quick as a flash, Mellow struck and yanked Gene into her office. "Now get out of those clothes and we will fix you up good." Gene's teeth were chattering. |
| "She's only happy when she has some poor soul to torture," said one of the splicers. |
| Mellow bit Gene, her fangs sink deep into his forearm, but Mellow's venom has healing properties, not poisonous. |
| Meanwhile, Magnus and Becky were still drifting in their shuttle. "Well, so maybe we failed the Emperor and in our mission, publicly humiliated ourselves, gotten beat up by a couple of living appliances, and we might have the galactic police after us, but, hey, at least we escaped with our lives. Right?" said the senior World Shaper cheerfully. In the seat next to her, her companion let out another sigh, fresh on the tail of hundreds of equally morose predecessors. Becky shifted uncomfortably at the noise. Looking around for some more substantial good news, she heard a feint beeping and capitalized instantly. She hefted Morgan's bomb. "I also found this weird dood-dad that the Splicers threatened us with. I don't know exactly what it is, but it makes kind of a funny beeping sound... Cool, right?" Magnus turned, and stared deeply into her eyes. After all they had been through; their work, their escapades, their bizarre joint sexual exploits, no words could have expressed his feelings for his comrade as intently as that one long, heartfelt stare, that swapping of souls. I really freakin' hate you. And then the bomb went off and the shuttle exploded. |
| Somewhere in the Nevada desert, lies the underground museum of Dr. Julius Grabb, he looks like the cross between Andy Warhol and Quasimodo. "Ahh, such a fabulous collection I have, don't you think so Raul?" Raul is Julius' personal butler "Yes sir, With your staff of yours. The collection is going to be more fabulous. If I may ask, where did you send that clown you hired?" A door opens and in came Grabb's assistants Crank and Willy, with Dr. Pinkus Pinko ensnared in his party favor trap "Here you go kiddo, Dr. Pinko and I even gift wrapped him for you." Dr Pinko says "Julius Grabb, what is the meaning of this?" |
| "And you said that the colour pink was stupid!" Pinko bawled right back. "It is stupid when you wear it on a leotard like that!" "Not as stupid as my pink-ilyzer! Hahahahahaha! Oh, wait..." Pinko fired the two pink laser-guns hidden in his clenched fists, beams slashing through the trap. |
| "Pink laser beams?" said Julius Grabb with a sneer. "Really, Pinko, how childish. Put him in a cage until we can process him, boys." Crank and Willy carried the squirming Doctor Pinko to the cage room. Meanwhile, Armand the Armadillo was on the phone with Bernard the Bear. "Another one's missing." "Huh?" said Bernard. "Another what?" "Another mad scientist! Don't you follow the news? Doctor Victor Feral. They think he was abducted from his car. They found it abandoned beside the highway." |
| Hired agents, Joque and Jyll came in with both Dr. Farel and Otto in chains comes in, "Here he is Mr. Grabb, just like where you said they would be." Jyll says, Julius says "Excellent, Raul pay them while I show Dr. Farel his new home." Raul says "Yes sir." Dr. Farel says "You won't get away with this Julius. I have loyal assistants that will track me down." |
| "I have reason to doubt that." Said Julius "I doubt your minions are as loyal as you say." "Why are you doing this?!" Feral demanded "Unlike Pinko this isn't what you have done to me, it is what you have done to someone dear to me." Said Julius "As you know I am infertile and could never have children naturally I decided to build a Son for myself, after studying the various martials at my disposal, I decided I would build my Son out of meat, just now Human Meat." 'Oh...' Thought Feral as he realized what this meant as he began to sweat profusely "I chose to make my Son out of a Bald Eagle, so I took an Eaglet, and tinkered with it's DNA until I created I Bird with Human like Hands on it's wings, capable of Human Speech and Intelligence...I christened him Maximillion...And I loved him as my very own...No man could wish for a better Son...Then when he turned 16 I let him go for his first flight...He didn't return...I waited for hours, no sign no word from him, months passed, then one cold winter's night, one of my trained mice I use to spy on the city brought back Max's wrist watch covered in blood and a piece of cloth with the Bio-Spawn logo on it!" Julius's eyes were blood shot "Since the days of our youth I knew you had a borderline fetishistic obsession with vivisecting animals but Max was not for your to dissect...YOU KILLED MY SON!" |
| "It was a bloody mutant bird!" Dr. Victor tried to throw his palms wide in an indignant gesture, only to be rebuked by the chains. "You easily could have adopted a normal child and not let them fly away and stuff." "Hmph. Not with my record, I couldn't," Dr. Grabb reared to his full height grandiosely. "Take them to the cells with the others! I have plans for these miscreants!" The two were lead away, grumbling, and the malformed wax artist turned to his other cronies. "Now, how goes the search for the Big Fish, for Doctor Otto Maniacas himself?" "He's under some heavy guard, Boss," said Crank. "International agents Sasha, She, Sean, and Harry are keeping him under wraps at a secret location." |
| "Good!" said Grabb. "At least we have him. But I want him transferred here so I can process him before my new exhibition opens at the museum." Armand the Armadillo came storming into Bernard the Bear's study. "Another one taken!" "Another what, Armand?" "Bernard, you have the attention span of a mouse. Another mad scientist has been abducted." "Who is it this time?" "Josef Heiter. Remember him?" "Ugh! What a horrible creature. His experiments were outrageous. I hope he's dead." "Bernard!" "Well, it's true, Armand. Someone as evil as that doesn't deserve to live." |
| Bounty hunter, Vance Fontain comes in with Josef Heiter bound in ropes "I have him Dr. Grabb, though I don't know you want him alive on what he did." "I have my reasons," Julius says as he gives him $4000.00, "and here you go as we agreed." As Vance left he looks over Josef "I may not have the grand prize just yet, but you will do." |
| "But right now...I need to replenish my low blood sugar...Now for some pickled eels." Said Grabb |
| Julius Grabb had a peculiar way of eating eels. He grabbed them by the tail and dangled them over his mouth. and said, "Who is going to die in the bottomless pit? Who will be tossed into the abyss? Who will be dropped into the Well of the Underworld? You! You! You!" Then he slowly lowered the pickled eel head first into his mouth. The first time Grabb's assistant Willy saw this performance he almost vomited. But he was used to it now. Although he vowed he would never eat an eel or anything that looked like an eel. Armand the Armadillo and Bernard the Bear were having afternoon tea. Bernard was reading the newspaper and gasped. "What is it that makes you gasp so?" asked Bernard. "Jukius Grabb! He's opening a new exhibition at his wax museum this weekend. It's called Famous Mad Scientists. Don't you find that an extremely odd coincidence considering the rash of mad scientist disappearances lately?" "Not at all." Bernard said. "He knows mad scientists are in the news, so an exhibition about them will get a lot of attendance. He's a smart businessman." "I don't know," Armand said. "It all seems very weird to me." |
| "Let's just hope it's just wax figurines, and not people covered in wax, or worse." |
| After his eel meal, he had Willy and Crank chain, Pinko, Feral and Heiter together and showed them around his museum, Feral sees his lab display and sees on what he thought was Karl, Igor and Ivan. "Thank goodness you three arrived," Feral says "Now get me out of here." There was no response, "Karl, Ivan, Igor, are you listening to me?" "Forget it Herr Feral," Heiter says, "They're only wax statues." Then Feral looked in shock as Otto was added to the display. |
| 'I am not usually a religious man.' Feral thought to himself 'But if there is a God then help me!' For a moment he saw what he thought was a giant glowing hand, he thought his prayers had been answered! Then he saw that the giant glowing hand was giving him the finger and he knew exactly what God thought of him The Bear and Armadillo were watching another episode of Humanimal Hospital, when their secretary a Female Mutant Sparrow named Undine walked in "Guys." She said "You need to rescue Professor Feral...I don't like him anymore then you do...But the Scientist who created Raoul Leroux told me me as one of the richest men in the world, if Feral goes under, bad things could happen to the entire world." |
| "Really?" Bernard said. "I was not under the impression that Victor Feral and his crazy experiments had ever done anything good for the world. I wouldn't worry about it. By the way, have you been to Julius Grabb's wax museum? They have a figure of Doctor Feral on display. It's so lifelike. You could swear it would at any moment say something and walk away!" "How does he get them to look so similar to the real person?" Undine asked. "I don't know," Bernard said. "I suppose he has some very talented wax sculptors on his payroll." Armadillo let out a loud snort. "Hmph! I happened to have checked on that, Bernard. He has some wax sculptors all right, but they are just interns from the art school. What is more interesting to me is that a year ago he had some vats and tanks installed. Big ones. For melting wax." "So? It's a wax museum. They need lots of wax." Armand shook his finger at Bernard. "Mark my words, there is something extremely fishy about Julius Grabb and his wax museum." |
| Sasha and Harpy are over the Navada desert, Sasha says "Good thing you had an undercover agent slip a tracking device on Dr. Heifer or else we'll never find Dr. Grabb's museum." "I got suspecious when he requested a transfer for Dr. Maniacia," Harpy says, "even he should know that our secret holding cell is completely escape proof, how far are we now to our destination?" |
| In the processing rooms, Julius Grabb was supervising the conversion of Josef Heiter from a depraved, but living, human being into a lifelike wax sculture. You had to do it while they were still alive to get it right, but the hot wax soon took the life out of them. However, for a few seconds, their screams of agony filled the chamber. Julius Grabb's assistants wore earplugs to block the sound, but he enjoyed hearing it. The spider woman Sasha and the eagle man Harpy were disappointed when the tracker device stopped broadcasting. They were still 10 miles away from Julius Grabb's museum. "Either they found the device and destroyed it," said Harpy, "or they have gone underground and the radio waves are blocked." |
| "We're ten miles out, so let's keep heading in that direction," said Sasha. "That way we'll have a general search area." |
| Meanwhile Dr. Grabb overlooked his workmanship, he inspected Dr. Heiter's new was form, "This turned out nicely, now prepare the next one while I personally put Heiter on his exhibit." Then he sees something under his belt buckle. "What's this?" He pulls out a shorted out tracker device. "What!? He was bugged!" He pulls out his radio "Attention, we may have unwanted visiters! Keep an eye out for any approaching vehicles by any do gooding agencies. If you spot them, destroy them." |
| Sasha and Harpy were five miles from Grabb's museum when the Mice on Bikes came screaming toward them. "Pull over!" yelled one of the mice in a squeaky voice. "Were we speeding officer?" asked Harpy. |
| Then machine guns came out of the little packs on each of the metallic backpacks on each of the mice's backs "This is private property," the same one said, "and the penalty for trespassing is death!" Sasha yells get us out of here!" |
| Meanwhile Julius Grabb is getting ready to turn Feral into a wax statue when the power went off. "I can't work in these conditions!" Grabb yelled "It's too dark! I can't see anything!" The one who pulled the Plug was Undine the Sparrow, who got into Grabb's lair by hiding herself in a giant box full of Grabb's favorite candy as it was being mailed to his lair |
| Bernard and Armand had dreamed up the plot to smuggle their secretary, Undine the Sparrow, into Grabb's laboratory. Undine got a good look at what was going on and flew back to Bernard and Armand. "I told you something was fishy!" Armand said. "It's so hideous!" Bernard said. "Who could even think of such a horrible thing? Wait a minute. Wasn't there a Vincent Price movie about a mad scientist and a wax museum?" "Bernard! This is not about movies! This is real! We must notify the authorities right away!" |
| Harpy and Sasha flew at high speed evading gunfire from Grabb's killer mice, but they received a transmission "Attention Secret Intelligence Service chopper, land at once and turn of your engines." Harpy says into the radio, "I wish I could but we're right now being chased by hostile forces." The radio says "Trust me, do as I instructed and your problems will be over." Hydra shrugs "Okay." The chopper lands on a sand dune an as Harpy shut off the engines Sasha soon left the chopper hiding behind the dune and Harpy soon joined her but as the mice soon caught up "We got you now." An EMP blast soon hit the area causing the mice bikes to loose power and fall. |
| "Somebody just fired an ElectroMAgnetic Pulse device," Harpy said. Sasha frowned. "But who?" Meanwhile, police were pouring out of the police station and hopping into their squad cars. Soon their sirens were whining and their tires were screeching as they sped off in the direction of Julius Grabb's Wax Museum. (Soon it will be time for the next episode which would be Twiga's turn but since she is also up for the next Felcanrod episode, why don't we make it Hertzman's turn next instead? Got a pic for me, Hertz?) |
| Harpy and Sasha landed in front and what it looks like a temple, and at the same time a sound of sirens approach "More of those killer mice?" Sasha asks. Then almost two dozen squad cars drove up, the police chief steps out of the lead car, Hydra asks "Are you here to arrest us?" The chief says "Are you Julius Grabb?" |
| "No, officer, they're not," said a smooth voice from the temple's main door. Out strode a clean-shaven man in an immaculate suit, untarnished by the faintest traces of dirt or sweat, desert or no desert. He flipped a badge. "Secret Agent Sean West, at your service. These two are innocent bystanders- the man you're after is at a secret bunker located 12.34 miles to the north-east." "Sean... Fancy meeting you here," said Sasha grimly. "Lovely surprise, isn't it?" said Sean, watching the police convoy churning sand to the north. "And you're welcome for the EMP, by the way." |
| "So it was you," Harpy said. "I might have known. You always did go in for the big surprising gesture. One day you're going to get someone killed with your lack of advance warning." "You're just jealous," Sean said. "My career has been so much more impressive than yours." |
| "You only say that because you always seem to bed a different woman on each mission," said Harpy. "What are you up to now? 22? 23? 40?" "Does it matter?" Sean asked. "Not really, especially after your wife finds out about your sex life," said Harpy. "After all, her father isn't called Harry the Hammer for his work in the construction business. All she has to do is tell him, and you'll be short a few things." |
| Sean says "Speaking of which, I have an old friend of yours waiting for us at Dr. Grabb's base. Do you recall that snake gal from the Dr. Maniacia island case?" Harpy says "Yeah, agent She." Sean says "I instructed her to keep Dr. Grabb in the dark, so do speak, so he won't be able to encase Feral and Pinko in wax. We maybe able to save them, they maybe mad scientists but they don't deserve this fate. We better get going, She can't keep him in the dark forever." |
| "I'm sure that that can be arranged," said Sean tranquilly, keying something on a remote in his pocket. A beautiful glossy black limo sped up out of the recesses of the temple, every bit as smooth and immaculate as its owner. "Hop in, you two! This beauty will get us to the museum in eleven seconds flat!" |
| As promised, the limo ride was smooth and fast. They rushed into Julius Grabb's wax museum where they found Julius Grabb already in the hands of the police. "Where is Agent She?" Sasha said. "Down there," said a nearby officer, pointing at the stairs that led to the lower levels where the cages and wax processing machinery was located. "Come on," Sean said. "Let's see if that snake was able to save anybody." |
| "I hope so," said Harpy. "Hopefully there's a reversal, or else there will be a lot of paperwork to do, and I hate paperwork." |
| Soon as Sean, Harpy and Sasha, has freed, Otto, Igor, Karl and Ivan from their wax encasement. Athough their freedom was short lived, they soon are cuffed by the police along with Feral and Pinkus. She says "Ahh, agent Smith, good thing I'm on time here or those four would've been asphyxiated." Smith says "Now all we need is Heiter and our mission is complete." |
| Somewhere in the Tuscany region of Italy, lies a huge castle where Sylvester Schnozz is constructing his new invention, "Ahh, it's finished. All I need to do is to test it." One of his minions, a man named Calvino came in "Dr. Schnozz, boss, they got all of them, Victor Faral, Pinkus Pinko, Josef Heiter and Julius Grabb, they sent them to the same prison Otto Maniacia is kept." Sylvester says "That's all my classmates, though Pinkus' plot was a bit silly but still." Calvino says "In case you want us to break them out, not only that the prison is in a secret location, but we'll be caught as well." Sylvester says "I have a better idea, we'll use my new invention." "But sir, it hasn't been tested yet." "Then I'll test it, on the field. All I need is a target a landmark." "How about the Leaning Tower of Pisa?" "Too close," He consults his map, "Ahh, we'll test it on the Eiffel Tower!" He laughs evilly along with Calvino. |
| Meanwhile in the Town of Burbank California a young Puma Mutant named Violet who had been given extensive Plastic Surgery so she looked like a Human Teenager instead of a Cougar walking on it's hind legs was bored, it was the 4th of July and it seemed the only things open were restaurants, she couldn't go to her favorite comic book store, or to the pet store or even to the shoe store, then she saw something called the Burbank Historical Museum and to her surprise it was open today! She went in, and two old women and an old man greeted her. "Welcome Violet." Said the Old Man "How do you know my name?" Violet asked "We have been expecting you." Said the Slightly Younger Old Woman |
| It was the old woman. "You must be careful, Violet," she said almost sleepily. "Uh... Thanks, I'll watch out." "Someone is going to try to destroy the Eiffel Tower," the Old Man added as an afterthought. |
| "What?!" Violet said. She was beginning to suspect she had stumbled across a group of old crazy people. The Old Man smiled. "I have the Gift." "What gift?" "The gift of foresight, like Nostradamus. Have you heard of him?" "No, what instrument does he play?" "He was not a musician. He lived centuries ago and... oh, never mind. I can see by the glazed look in your eyes that you are not interested." Meanwhile, Calvino was setting up the equipment for Dr. Schnozz's field test. "What do you want the accumulator set on?" "Not maximum," said Schnozz. "Not yet. Let's try it at fifty per cent and see what we get." |
| Calvino says "Accumulator set." Sylvester says "Now enter the following, Longitude 48° 51′ 29.6, Latitude 17′ 40.2." Calvino says "Accepted and set." "Now FIRE!" In Paris, the Eifel Tower is hit by a purple beam, starting from the top, it begins to disintegrate. "Sacre Bleu!" One of the Paris citizens says and an American tourist just stands there shockingly as the famous landmark disappears before his eyes. Sylvester turned on the TV and it shows an Itallian news broadcast where the anchorwoman says "La Torre Eifel è appena scomparso." Sylvester jumps up and down excitedly "IT WORKS! IT WORKS! HAHAHA! IT WORKS!" Calvino says "Congratulations, so what are you going to do now." Sylvester points to Calvino "Prepare the camera, it's time I make my demands." |
| "The Old People had this on their portable TV. "Violet." Said the Old Man "We are part of the Secret Society of Tomorrow Land "We had a hand in creating you and several other Mutant Creatures." The Younger Old Woman put something on Violet's Wrist "Use this to activate your Puma Power to stop this mad man." |
| "You are strange, Violet," said the Old Man. "You have the power to stop this lunatic with the purple disintegrator ray." He turned to his wife. "What did the newsman say his name was?" "They didn't say, dear. They don't know who did it yet. Only you do. It's your Gift." "Oh, right," said the Old Man. "Anyway, Violet, that doohickey on your wrist is called an Energy Seed. When the time is ripe, it grows and blossoms into a killing burst of energy." "What kind of energy? Am I going to be burned alive?" "No, no, no. This will be psychonic energy. It kills crazy people." Violet nodded. "Uh-huhhh, I see. Well, thank you very much for the wrist gadget and everything. I guess I better be going now." "Don't forget, Violet. You are the Chosen One." "Right!" Violet said. "I'll remember that." |
| The news transmission is soon interrupted as a pirated broadcast soon comes on, as it shows a live broadcast of a man with a nose bandage. "For those who wondered what happened to the Eifel Tower, I made it disappear to demonstrate the sample what I can do, I am Dr. Sylvester Schnozz and what I want is simple, recently, some friends of mine got incarcerated and here are the following names: Otto Maniacia Julius Grabb Victor Feral Pinkus Pinko and Josef Heiter I demand their immediate release within 6 hours or the next landmark I choose will disappear. 6 hours." |
| Violet was now in Italy, her new wristwatch beeped "You will not be doing this alone." Said a Voice "The others Creations will aid you." |
| "This is the Voice. I will be your communications assistant during your mission." "My mission?" Violet said. "What mission? What is this?" "Are you not the Chosen One?" "That's what the old man who gave me this watch said. Is this a gag? Am I on TV?" "The Old One is getting sloppy. Let me get back to you after I speak with him." |
| As Violet finished, she noticed a wolf mutant standing in front of her, "Benvenuto Amico." it said, Violet just looked at him quizzically, "Huh?" The wolf says "I said 'Welcome Friend', you need to work on your Italian. Name's Grey, and I along with several others will aid you defeating Sylvester Schnozz." Vilolet says "Where are the others?" Grey says "In a cabin just up the road, come, we've been waiting for you." |
| "I didn't ask for any of this!" Violet protested "You didn't have to." Grey sai not understanding what she meant "You were given it before your born." |
| In the cabin were a raccoon named Tweety and a duck named Scooter. "You have unusual friends," Violet said. "Especially the duck," said Grey. "Since I'm a wolf I make him a little nervous. Right, Scooter?" "Quack! No, I have nerves of steel." "You make me nervous," said the raccoon. "Who's the chick?" The wolf shook his head. "Tweety! How about a little good manners, ok? This is Violet and she is the Chosen One." Tweety went down on one knee and tried to kiss Violet's hand. "I am sorry, mistress. I did not mean to be rude." |
| Violet asks "I don't get any of this, you said I was the Chosen One, chosen for what." Scooter says "Allow me to explain, these events were predicted. You were destined to defeat Sylvester Scnozz and it won't be easy alone. Here, this'll explain it more." He escorts Violet to a table with a console, as he types on it a 3D rendering of a castle appears over the table. |
| "This device tells the future as well," said Grey. "Including who your husband-to-be is." "Who's that?" Violet asked. "Me." "What? I just met you." "Grey's kidding on that last one," said Scooter. "He doesn't know, and neither do I. As it is, this device shows Probable Futures. It's like that one movie about that futuristic cop who was arrested for a future murder of someone, um, Minority Report. Two guys said that the cop would kill the person, but the third person said that the cop wouldn't. After that, the guy goes out of his way to try to prove that he wouldn't kill the person, even trying to save the guy, but it seems that someone had given him a hefty sum of money to allow himself to be killed. Then, at the end, this politician, who wanted the Reports to be legal Proof was forced to make his own choice, when the cop showed up with the evidence about the conflicting reports - two psychics said that the politician would kill the cop, while the third said otherwise. The politician had to make a choice - kill the cop, prove the Reports correct, but go to jail for the rest of his life, or, not kill the cop, and prove the Reports to be fallible. The guy took a Third Option, and killed himself." "Summary?" "A lot of it is your own choice," said Grey. "You decide what you want to do." |
| "And I am telling you guys," Violet said, "that I know nothing about this Chosen One stuff. I never even heard those words until that crazy old man spoke them." "I hear you," Grey said. "Probably you are wondering what's in it for you?" "No, I wasn't wondering that. I was wondering what rabbit hole I fell through to end up in Crazyland." "Well," Grey said, "I will tell you what's in it for you. For one thing, fame and fortune. You're sure to be on TV. There will be book and movie deals. You'll have lots of money, which I do not think you have now. Is that correct?" "Yes, I could use some cash. That's true." "How about lots of it? More than you ever saw before?" "Are you trying to bribe me into being the Chosen One?" Grey chuckled. "You already ARE the Chosen One. I'm just getting you to accept your fate and realize the benefits." Meanwhile, the 6 hours was almost up. Commisioner Branigan studied the list of prisoners that Sylvester Schnozz was demanding be released. Otto Maniacia ... Julius Grabb ... Victor Feral ... Pinkus Pinko ... Josef Heiter "Mad scientists every one of them!" Branigan said. "This Schnozz fellow must be the maddest of them all!" |
| A British male voice says "Perhaps, and somehow I doubt he wants them released for a high school reunion." It was Agent Sean West just entering the station. "Those 5 are incarcerated in a maximum security prison that's in a top secret location that only my superiors know." The Commissioner says "What plans do you think he has for them." Sean says "I fear that things could get chaotic when all 6 of them work together. Think of it, alone, they did things maddening. But all of them World Domination. So Sylvester Schnozz has to be stopped." |
| "What are we supposed to do?" Violet asked "Press the white button on your wristwatch." Said Sean West Violet did so and transformed from a Human Girl who looked like a Puma to an Anthro Puma |
| "Let's test your abilities," Grey said. "Out back is an obstacle course. Along the course are five human dummies, hidden. Run the course while finding the dummies and ripping them to shreds." Grey held up a stopwatch. "Are you ready? Go!" "Wait! What?" "GO! GO!" Violet ran out the back door and saw the obstacle course with START maked with a sign. She took off running, leaping over hurdles and moats, climbing ropes, and finding dummies to shred. Commisioner Branigan looked at Sean West. "You do realize that time is running out?" "Yes," said Sean, in his impeccable British accent. You just had to have faith in a guy that talked like that. |
| In Schnozz's castle, Sylvester looked at his watch "Time's up. Calvino, have they released them yet?" Calvino says "No, not yet." Schnozz says "I suppose they didn't take me seriously, now they will pay the price." Calvino says "So what's the next landmark are you going to destroy next?" "Let's see how fair the United States can do without their iconic Statue of Liberty, keep the accumulator set at 50 percent." "Set Doctor, and the cordinance?" "Longitude 40° 41′ 21, Latitude 74° 2′ 40." "Accepted and set." "FIRE!" On Liberty Island, the purple beam hits the torch of the statue and, slowly lady liberty starts to disintegrate. On a passing cruise ship the passengers just stared bug-eyed as the statue disappears in front of them. In the United Nations building, the world leaders are in a meeting "First the Eifel Tower, now the Statue of Liberty. Do we really have to give This Schnozz chap those mad scientists he demanded?" The British Prime Minister asked. The US President says "I will not give in to terrorists." The Russian President asks "What if he decides to target the Kremlin next?" |
| "I suggest we send a joint-strike force of our best men and women," said the British ambassador. |
| The French ambassador puffed out his cheeks. "And what if Schnozz becomes aware they are coming and goes crazy with that ray of his? Do you realize how much damage he could do? He has already ruined my country's beautiful Eiffel Tower! What will he destroy next? What is so important about these mad scientists that we cannot give them to him?" The British ambassador was calm. "And what guarantee do we have that he would stop? Perhaps he would only make more demands, eh? Good show that! No, the best thing to do is take him out as quickly as possible." |
| As Sylvester is about to make a broadcast, one of his other minions came in with a old lady dressed as a gypsy. "Sorry to bother you Doctor, but Madam Ingrid here insisted on seeing you." Schnozz turned to Ingrid, "Oksy, make it quick." Ingrid says "I can see your future and you don't have much of a future." Sylvester looks at her in dis belief and amusingly says "Oh? What makes you think that?" Ingrid says "As prophecied, the Chosen One will arrive and vanquish you." |
| "We take a little trip," Grey said. "Tweety! Scooter! Is the van ready?" The raccoon and the duck came running. "It's ready!" Scooter said. "Full tank and plenty of food." The four of them piled into the large van and soon were traveling rapidly down the scenic roads of the Tuscany region of Italy. |
| Soon Madam Ingrid was booted out of the castle for wasting the Doctor's time with such nonsense as he said "Doctor Schnozz! You should respect fortune tellers we are precise of warning of upcoming events, they always happen!" The only response was the crash of the metal gates as they close. She went up the road until she was not visible to the castle and then she phase shifted to her true form. A snake mutant named Nichole, she spoke to her self almost whispering and hissing like a snake "Exssselent, I saw the lazssser up clossse and persssonal. Now to head back to camp and wait for the othersss, to show." |
| "That's the signal," Grey said. He drove the white van up to the gates of the castle. Om the side of the van was lettering reading: Luigi's Speedy Plumbing Service. The guard at the gate said, "You guys got here very fast." "We were in the neighborhood," Grey said. "Well, you certainly deserve the name speedy. Go straight into the castle. We have a major emergency in the toilets." |
| As the van parked at the castle lot, Grey says "This is it Violet. While, Tweety, Scooter and I handle the 'plumbing problem' Nichole set up. You have to face Sylvester Schnozz. He always keeps the accumulator or beam intensity at 50 percent, any higher and it will feedback and explode, causing the castle to slowly disintegrate." Violet says "What about us and who is Nichole?" Grey says "Nichole is a snake mutant, you'll meet her later as for us. We'll have time to escape." |
| "But how do I meet Sylvester?" Violet asked. "Just tell a guard you have some information about his plumbing for Dr. Schnozz." "Schnozz came out of his office to see her. "You're with the plumbers?" "Yes, sir. It looks pretty bad." "You think I don't know that when there is raw sewage splattered everywhere?" |
| Violet says "The reason why the plumbing backed up is because the pipes are all rusted, whoever sold this castle to you either neglected to take care of the plumbing, or gave you a lemon deal." Sylvester says "What? All this from rusted pipes? Now I need to have them all replaced." |
| (Author's Note: Hey Steve these campfires have been fun, but I'm starting to get burnout, how about after BBWolf's new addition we end Felcanrod and this is the last Mad Scientist story...I'll make a new campfire of my own if we can cut back a few stories) The smell was awful Violet felt like gagging |
(OK, Twiga.  )While Violet and Sylvester Schnozz were having their conversation, Grey, Scooter, and Tweety found the bathroom closest to Sylvester Schnozz's Destructor Ray device. "There it is!" whispered Scooter. "This is exciting!" |
| Scooter and Tweety found the laser plans hidden in pile of towels, "Here are the plans," Scooter says, "Left by Nichole, according to the attached letter." Grey says "Great, now let's adjust the accumulator to full power and sabotage it so it won't be set back to 50." Tweety says "We better get moving, we have an hour left before Sylvester evaporates the Pyramids of Giza, according to that map in the laser room." |
| "You're not missing anything," Scooter said. "It's nose is broken off and it's really all kind of tumble down. Just a big pile of rocks, really." "Well, I still want to see it," Tweety said. "You can discuss Egypt later," interrupted Grey. "Let's get this thing done." |
| With Grey's help, Tweety set the accumulator to full power and Scooter slyly reprogrammed the readout to 50 percent so they won't notice. "Okay, all done." Grey said, "Now we wait for Violet finish her distraction with Dr. Schnozz and then we'll leave." Tweety says "I can't wait to see the results from camp." Soon Dr. Schnozz's phone rang "If you excuse me, I have to take this." Violet watched as Sylvester answer the phone "Hello? Yes this is Sylvester Schnozz. So, that what happened. Damn that pig farm. I hope you cleared up all that pig manure. Oh good and thanks for bring me the plumbers. What, you didn't? Then who.." He looks at Violet with suspicion "DId? Excuse me." He promptly hangs up the phone and pulls out a luger from his desk and points it to Violet "Who are you? More importantly who sent you? CIA? MI6? Interpol?" |
| "Those guys sent in a kid?" Sylvester rolled his eyes. "And people say that I'm a lawbreaker - at least I don't hire child labor." |
| Violet ran as fast as her high school legs could carry her, expecting to hear gunshots fired at any minute, but somehow the way out was clear and she soon found herself outside the castle and still running. |
| The van then pulled up next to Violet "Going my way?" Grey asked. The van stopped as Violet got on the van, Scooter says "Wow, you ran out of the castle like a bullet. So, what happened?" Violet caught her breath and said "Dr. Schnozz found out that I wasn't a plumber." Tweety says "Good thing we accomplished our end of the mission." Grey says "Now we meet up with Nichole at the camp and watch the fireworks." Back in the castle, Sylvester says "If those world leaders think they can make a fool of me by sending a child to try to stop me, we'll see who gets the last laugh. Calvino, our next target is the Pyramids of Giza. Is the accumulator still set at 50 percent?" Calvino says "Yes Doctor." "Good, Longitude 29° 58′ 34. Latitude 31° 7′ 58." "Accepted and set." "FIRE!" As Calvino hit the fire button, a warning flashed on the readout "WARNING! OVERLOAD!" Calvino says "Doctor, the laser is overloading." The Doctor asks "Are you sure the accumulator is set to 50?" As Calvino examines the accumulator readout, it reads Full power. "No, it's reading full power." Sylvester says "Quickly, set it to 50 percent!" Calvino tried but the controls couldn't respond. "I can't, it's stuck." Sylvester stood up "EVERYONE! EVACUATE THE CASTLE AT ONCE!" Soon the laser spun around wildly and fired at Sylvester and then the castle interiors. |
| From their vantage point, Grey and the others watched as smoke erupted from the castle, then flames, and then... KA-WHOOOM! an explosion so powerful that the shockwave reached them and ruffled their clothes and hair. "I don't think anyone survived that," Scooter said. Grey put down the binoculars he was using. "Good. No loose ends to clean up." "There might be one loose end," Tweety said. |
| Nichole says "Anyway, I'd say Good riddencsss to Schnozzsss." Grey says "Wait, there's a chopper approaching from the west." Violet says "He has an escape chopper?" Grey says "I can see the insignia on the side, a lion and a unicorn. That's an MI6 chopper." At the ruins of Schnozz's castle, Sean West, Hydra and Sasha landed the chopper without resistance, Sean says "Okay, the Italian police just rounded up his personal guards, now we have to get the good doctor himself. I'm sure he wants to meet his friends, but not the way he intends." Hydra says "Another mad scientist to lock away, that'll be 6." He looks around the wreckage, "Look at this mess, are you sure he survived and explosion like this?" Sean says "He must have a secret room, a bomb shelter or something." Sasha says "I found him, what's left of him." |
| "What's left of him? What do you mean by that?" Sean said. Sasha produced a small box. "I'm afraid the explosion was very complete. We'll probably never find all the pieces of Sssylvester Ssschnozz, but I did find thisss." She opened the box. Inside was Sylvester Schnozz's nose. * * * Hey, everybody, thanks for participating! This is one of my favorite campfires of all time. I like the structure of it. I like the way each writer designed a mad scientist. I liked how different the stories are from each other. I like this campfire! Thanks again! Steve |
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