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From Halloween to Thanksgiving to Christmas... |
| [Introduction] Happy Holidays! From Halloween to Thanksgiving to Christmas... ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ..... ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ..... ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Click here for Thanksgiving Click here for Christmas The little city of Camptown is getting ready for the annual Halloween parade when word comes that Freddy Krueger has been sighted in town! OK, maybe it's a guy in a costume, but the costume is really, really good! And teens are starting to have bad dreams. Every horror movie villain that ever lived invades a small town, but that's not all, folks... |
| The hero of this tale is Sandra Bullock. Oops, that's who is going to play her in the movie made from the campfire. The hero's name is actually Sandy Ballcock. Maybe her mom will be played by Jamie Lee Curtis and her dad by that guy who played the Happy Days dad. Sandy Ballcock is the prettiest girl in the only high school in town, the Camptown High School. She has been declared Queen of the Halloween Parade. She will be sitting on the Football Float surrounded by the other cheerleaders. Sandy had a bad dream last night and she wants to tell someone about it. But before we do that, I should mention there is something odd about Camptown. A small group of talking animals lives there. Why they talk and how they came to live in Camptown is a long story that has nothing to do with Halloween. I just thought I better mention that they are there so if one of them turns up in the story you won't be confused. |
| Some say that a beautiful Princess from Disneyland left some of her Animal Friends to colonize the region, others say that the Animals are from a universe where all Animals can talk and they simply fell through a dimensional portal, whatever the reason, the Animals aren't talking. Sandy had made friends with the talking animals and vowed to keep their existence a secret. She went over to the Animal Town and along the way she met Mindy the Mouse, gathering seeds for the Autumn Feast. "Hey Mindy." Said Sandy "Holla Girlfriend!" Said the Mouse (Mindy was always trying too hard to be like the 'cool' Humans) "What's up." "I had a bad dream." Said Sandy "I had one too!" Said Mindy "I dreamed I had found a delicious piece of Devil's Food Cake when SNAP I was caught in a mouse trap!" "My dream was different..." Sandy said "I dreamed that there was a giant mouth with very sharp teeth and a green tongue floating in the vacuum of space every time the mouth opened about a million monsters flew out." |
| "Perhaps it's more of a nightmare." Sandy and Mindy turned around and saw a man in a polo shirt, jeans, and sneakers. Sandy says "What do you mean nightmare?" Mindy says "Who are you?" The man says "Name's Jacob Lantz, I'm here because the monster who killed by brother, Glen, is here, question is are you ready?" Sandy asks "Ready for what?" Jacob says "Ready for Freddie." Both Sandy and Mindy say "FREDDIE?" |
| "That's right," Jacob said. "Freddy is back." "Freddy Krueger?" Mindy said. "From the Elmstreet movies?" "What other Freddy could it be?" "Well, there ARE other Freddies," Sandy said. "Wait!" Mindy said. "Wait! Wait! Wait! Freddy Krueger is a fictional movie character. He can't be here in Camptown." "And I suppose I didn't have a brother named Glenn?" Jacob said. "No, I remember Glenn," said Mindy. "And how did he die? IN HIS SLEEP!" "That doesn't prove anything," Mindy said. |
| "Freddy is coming." Said Jacob "Watch yourselves ladies." With that he vanished...Like instantly! "That was...Disturbing." Said Mindy Meanwhile Bigby Wolf was watching the Cheerleaders practice, when he smelled something...Something dead. He saw a shambling zombie walking over to the tower of cheerleaders |
| His wife, Gertrude, slapped him on the head with her handbag. "Bigby! Why are you staring at the tower of cheerleaders?" With a glazed look in his eyes, Bigby said, "I see a zombie." Gertrude slapped him on the head again, harder this time. "Bigby! Come out of it! You're hallucinating again!" Bigby shook his head. "Uh... what? What happened?" Meanwhile, in the tower of cheerleaders, Pauline, the head cheerleader, was yelling instructions. "Jennifer! Pull it in a little! Tahisha! Don't shake so much!" |
| "Things always get crazy this time of the year," said Pauline. "Hopefully nothing bad happens." |
| A crowd is watching the cheerleaders perform, even Lucky the black cat. Everyone is watching the performance and applaud at it. He saw someone dressed like Freddie Krueger but dismissed it as someone in a Halloween costume, or is it? Note: Before you rant about this Twiga, this is a different Lucky then the one in your recently deleted campfire. |
| (Author's Note: I'm cool with it...It's probobly a better fate for Lucky then that other campfire) Mindy and Sandy were walking in the meadow when suddenly, a Zombie appeared "BRAINS!" Shouted the Zombie "AAAAAH!" Screamed the Human Girl and Mouse Girl as they ran away |
| That evening Mindy and Sandy were on the 7pm TV news telling about their experience. Bigby Wolf happened to be watching the news along with his wife Gertrude. He turned to her and said, "You see? I was not hallucinating!" Gertrude looked up from her knitting. "One zombie. Big deal. It's when you have a herd of them that you have to worry. Sheriff Stoker will get his shotgun and blow the head off this zombie." Sure enough, on the 11pm news there were scenes of Sheriff Stoker standing over the headless body of a zombie and saying, "We found him down near the graveyard. Got him with the first shot." Sandy Ballcock was also watching the news and she hoped the "zombie" wasn't one of her friends in a costume because he wouldn't be much fun to be around with his head blown off. Lucky the cat had texted her a disturbing message about Freddy Krueger. That was twice in one day that someone had told her he saw Freddy Krueger. |
| Jacob Lantz then approached Lucky "Did you see Freddie?" Lucky says "Yeah, over there by the candy shop." Jacob says "Soon my brother will be avenged from his death." As soon as he made it to the candy shop, he found that Freddie Krueger is nothing but a mannequin, a Halloween decoration. |
| Lucky went over to Mindy who was still shaking from her Zombie encounter. "Hey Mindy..."Said Lucky Mindy jumped up and quaked "Lucky!" Yelled the Mouse "Don't sneak up on me like that! I'm having enough of a panic attack already!" "Sorry." Lucky said Meanwhile in the Camptown Library Lester 'Brains' McDorkinale the nerdiest boy in Camptown High, also knew about Camptown's secret Animal Population and was preparing to ask one of the females to the dance (He really was that desperate) He had spied a teenage Frog Girl in the Mystery Section of the library (When in public the Animals disguise themselves like the TMNT with a trench coat and a hat) and thought this might be his big chance, so he went to the mirror to comb his hair and adjusting his glasses when he heard a scream! Since this was a library everyone heard it. The Teenage Frog Girl whose name was Fredrica had been snuck up on by Doctor Jekyll as he was transforming into Mr. Hyde |
| Sandy Ballcock heard about the library incident and decided to start keeping a journal about the strange happenings in Camptown. "It seems the town has become a focal point for monster activity," she mused. "I wonder why. It's such an ordinary little town." The she realized it was exactly the kind of town that Stephen King might write about. She sent a text to Lucky expressing that thought and he texted back: Thinking the same thing myself. This is going to be one Hell of a Halloween. |
| Lucky texted Oh yeah, 3 of them. Todd the fox(no relation to the Disney character), Belfry the bat and Keith the coyote. |
| At that point, something grabbed Lucky, she screamed and dropped her phone, she was in the clutches of Dracula! |
| "Mwahahaha!" said Dracula. Lucky was appalled. "That's so cliché!" "Oh, you're a critic, are you? Too bad. Your blood will taste bitter. But I'm going to neck bite you anyway! Mwahahaha!" Fortunately, Lester McDorkinale had seen Dracula grab Lucky and was now in the process of sneaking up behind the vampire with his largest book held high. WHAM! He slammed the book down on Dracula's head and Dracula collapsed in a heap. "Thanks, Brains!" said Lucky. "We better get out of here before he wakes up. I think he's going to be angry." "And have a big headache!" said Brains. The two friends laughed at that as they hurried away. |
| "Why was he after you?" Brains asked. "Might of been no reason," said Lucky. |
| Brains helped Lucky towards the park where Todd and Keith were waiting, "There you are Lucky." Todd says, Keith says "Come on, Belfry is waiting for us by the gazebo. We're waiting for you to help with the decorations." |
| Meanwhile most of the other monsters were in over their heads, they had finally encountered a monster more horrific then themselves...TRICK OR TREATING TODDLERS CLAMORING FOR CANDY! |
| "Well, it's about as good as any other place," said Dracula. "Find a hotel, then maybe a house that's for sale." |
| Frankenstein says "Good idea, we better start right away. Sunrise is in a few hours, and you know what the sun can do to you." Dracula says "You're right, if I'm exposed to the sun, I'll turn to ash." When they left the Dairy Queen, a tan 1973 Oldsmobile Delta 88 Royale pulls up, "Excuse me you two," the driver says, a black-haired gentleman, in a blue dress shirt and a wooden right hand, "do any of you know where the Camptown motel is?" Frankenstein says "Yeah, just up the road, turn right at the first light and 3 blocks, it's on the left. You can't miss it." The driver says "Groovy, by the way, nice costumes." Then he drove off. |
| Meanwhile a Family of Turkey People were boarding up their windows "Thanksgiving is coming!" Said Mr. Turkey "Lock the door! Get your weapons!" |
| Danny Turkey, 13 years old and a bit cocky, said, "Aw, Papa, it ain't no zombie apocalypse. Every year you go through this routine and we ain't ended up on nobody's Thanksgiving table yet." "That's the point, you little excuse for a bird," said his dad. "If I didn't go through this routine every year you would have had your drumsticks roasted years ago." |
| Meanwhile, Frankenstein did a double-take. "Wait a minute - was that guy Bruce Campbell, that B-Movie actor that did all those campy films in the 80's and now does stupid films with those Asylum guys?" "I think you're right," said Dracula. "Must be a convention." "Or, someone opened up a hole in a television, and his characters are coming through." "Well, if we see a crazy version of himself, from that movie where his fictionalized self fought the Chinese God of War, then we shall know." |
| Author's note: I admit, that was Bruce Campbell. I just saw Ash vs. Evil Dead on Showtime Halloween night and it inspired me to make my last addition. Meanwhile, Bruce checked into the motel as he entered his room, he plopped his suitcase on the bench at the foot of the bed and sits on a chair, then he says to himself "Oh, the things I have to go to in order to promote my new cable series, not only Mr. Raimi has me driving around in that Olds, I have to dress like Ash. At least I don't have to carry around a chainsaw and Sawed-off Shotgun." He looks over his itinerary "Now when is the local convention?" |
| Meanwhile Sandy visited Mindy while Mindy was in the kitchen cooking "That smells good." Said Sandy "Seed cakes." Said Mindy "An old family recipe." "I see the Turkey Family has boarded up their house again." Said Sandy "Like they do every year." Said Mindy as she took the seed cakes out of the oven and put them on racks to cool down." "Mindy." Said Sandy "I was thinking about Halloween and...What happened with the Zombie." "That was scary wasn't it?" Said Mindy as she put away her oven mitts Sandy sat down on the sofa "I was also thinking about my dreams..." Said Sandy "I feel that it's not going to end with Halloween...That something far worse is still coming." Mindy sat down beside her friend "Do you think we should tell our friends?" "I don't think they'll believe us." |
| "But we'll tell them anyway?" Mindy asked. "Of course!" Sandy said and the two girls laughed. For a moment Sandy thought they might get into a pillow fight or even spank each other's tushies, but she knew Mindy was too Puritan for that. "Do you like them?" Mindy asked as Sandy bit into a seed cake. "Delicious! You're an excellent cook." "My mother and grandmother are both good cooks," Mindy said. Sandy sighed. "Nobody at my house can cook anything but microwave pizza, hot pockets, or pop tarts." "I could teach you a few things," Mindy said. "Uh.. well... maybe. Might be fun." |
| "I wonder if there's anything going on," said Sandy. "Like a convention where we might be able to see some hot star." |
| Todd, Keith, Lucky and Belfry was cleaning up after the big Halloween party the night before. "That was a fun party last night." Lucky says, Todd says "You said it, look at all the children attended." Keith says "Not to mention all that candy we all gave away," Belfry held his mouth "I had some of them and I think I have a cavity." He looked and saw someone putting up a poster on the park gazebo wall. "Hey look, there's a convention coming to town." Todd rushed to the poster and read it out loud "Coming this weekend, Fright-con, with special guest Bruce Campbell." |
| Lester was back at the library he had found a great new book on Science Fiction, when he walked by the library pond. Out of the pond popped two yellow eyes, it was Fredrica the Frog who he was going to ask to the dance before Jekyll and Hyde showed up "Fredrica!" Exclaimed Lester "How did you escape Mr. Hyde." "I'm a Frog." Said Fredrica "I shot my tongue into his eye hopped into this pond." "Did he hurt you?" Lester knew already what was going to happen. "No." Said Fredrica "But you could have done a lot more then run to the librarian...Mrs. Woosey is like 90 years old...What's she going to do against Mr. Hyde?" "Sorry." Lester said blushing "Is there anyway I can make it up to you?" "Take me home." Said Fredrica climbing out of the pond "Now that October is over the cold blooded creatures start hibernation, and if I don't get home soon...I'll fall asleep in the open." "I'll carry you there." Said Lester picking the Frog Girl up like a bride, he walked into the woods just outside Camptown where the Animal People lived, they went past the Turkey family house which now looked like a mini-fortress." "Where is your home?" Asked Lester Fredrica yawned "Down by the lake...It's the house made of lily pads." |
| Frederica's house was a neat, tent-like structure made of dozens of lily pads stuck together with frog glue. "Would you like to come in?" she asked. Lester looked doubtfully at the fragile structure. "Will it hold me up? I don't want to get a dunking in the pond." "It's stronger than it looks. Just don't stomp your feet." Inside the Turkey family house it was very dark because of all the boarded up windows. They used candles for light. "Shhh!" Papa Turkey said. "Someone is passing by outside. Be very quiet so they don't know we're in here." Danny Turkey rolled his eyes. "This is so lame. Dad, it's the 21st century. No one is going to eat us." At the convention center, Bruce Campbell was practicing his Elvis impression. Watching him was Elvira, a waitress at the diner next to the motel who was now Bruce's temporary companion. "You aren't serious," she said. "What do you mean?" Bruce asked, adjusting the collar of his sequinned jacket. "An Elvis impersonation? I don't think that's what your fans want from you." "How about Elvis with a chainsaw?" "That has possibilities." |
| "Besides, I've played Elvis before, and a look-alike double that took the real one's place, in Bubba Ho-Tep, where I fought off a mummy that was trying to drain the souls of the people who lived at this Old Folks home," said Bruce. "Now that was fun - acting like I was old, and worried about a growth on my-" "I saw that movie, and I thought that it was a crock of garbage," said Elvira. "And I think you are an egomaniac." Bruce blinked at this. "Tell me you're pulling my chain. I know I've acted like an asshole at times with my characters, especially that highly exaggerated version of myself I played in My Name is Bruce, but when I'm away from the camera, and not required to put on an act, I really am a nice guy." |
| Elvira says "Do you have other films in your belt?" Bruce says "Yes, a lot. Other then the Evil Dead series, I voiced Mayor Shelbourn in Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs, played the Surgeon General of Beverly Hills in Escape from L.A., and I had cameo roles in each of Sam Raimi Spiderman films, the Ring announcer in the 1st., a Snooty usher in the 2nd. and a Maître d’ in the 3rd." |
| (Author's Note: OK, I have no idea what any of this means because I'm not a fan of these things, can we get back to the subject of Holidays?) Late that night a fog came in and covered the whole town. Into the town walked a Dragon, 20 Feet Tall and covered in black scales and bits of silver that made the Dragon seem like she was made of night sky. She came to the Forest Home of the Talking Animals "My subjects..." She crooned in her musical voice "Your time of trial is up...You can come back to Animalia now." One by one the sapient animals came forth, even the Turkey Family |
| Danny Turkey held back. He sensed something was very wrong. "Papa!" he whispered. "Why are you willing to leave our boarded-up house just because this black dragon calls to you? Papa!" But Papa Turkey had a glassy look in his eyes. He showed no fear as he walked hand in hand with his wife toward the dragon. All the animals looked as if they were hypnotized... except Danny. Danny waved his arms frantically. "Stop! Stop everybody! This dragon is evil! Do not listen to its commands!" The dragon turned her glittering eyes in his direction. "Why do you interfere, little one? Come with me to Animalia. You will like it there." Her musical voice almost got to him but Danny was just too ornery. He yelled, "No! No! Something's not right about this!" |
| (Bruce Campbell - star of a whole host of B-movies, supporting actor on several TV shows, guest actor on many more, not to mention producer and director of a few more B-Movies - recently started some sort of continuation of the Evil Dead series, which launched his rise to Stardom - many actually declare him to be the king of the B-Movies, and unlike those who want to be Big Named Stars, he doesn't mind not having the limelight he deserves, as there's less ego to deal with.) Bruce got out of his bed, and looked out the window. "What in the name of Sam Raimi is going on? Is someone trying to prank me with a dragon thing, or is that real?" |
| Soon all the animals follow the Dragon queen's beckoning voice, Belfry flew in followed by Todd, Keith, Lucky and Mindy. At her Lilly pad house, Frederica got out of bed and went to the door. |
| (BBWolf, I'm going to ask, are all your additions going to be nothing but Bruce Campbell for the rest of the campfire? I mean I see your appreciation for him but I think we're moving out of Halloween to Thanksgiving, and...Bruce Campbell is sort superfluous to the plot) Bruce Campbell stepped outside to film the giant Dragon, but the Dragon Queen noticed what he was doing "A Human!" She exclaimed in disgust and stepped on him Bruce wasn't dead but he was injured, Danny Turkey ran to his aid, in his wing arms Danny carried his Baby Twin Siblings Bink and Dink, whom he was attempting to save from the Dragon. The Dragon Queen opened a portal and everyone except Danny and his Baby Siblings walked in, the Dragon Queen was indifferent, what difference did a trio of young turkeys make? "Human!" Danny exclaimed "Are you hurt?" "I think both my legs are broken." Said Bruce |
| "I'll call an ambulance," Danny said. Bruce looked at him. "Say, aren't you a turkey?" "Yes." "Kind of dangerous for you this time of year, isn't it?" Danny made a face. "Well, I'm glad to see you still have a sense of humor in spite of the fact your legs are broken." "I've been in worse shape than this," Bruce said. |
| "Yeah, but this isn't a movie," said Danny. "I still might know a few guys, like Billy Drago - met up with him during The Adventures of Brisco County Jr.," said Bruce. "It was a Weird Western TV show that ran for a season back in the 90's, and he was the main villain of the series." "How is that supposed to help?" Danny asked. "He knows Chuck Norris, and most about what they say about that man is true, minus the really crazy stuff," said Bruce. "He can kick that dragon's tail, no problem." |
| "That Dragon has already gone to an Alternate Universe." Danny said "Does this Chuck Norris have a means of tearing through the fabric of space-time?" Bruce had nothing to say "I thought so." Said Danny "We need help." It was midnight when Mindy's phone rang |
| "Hello?" Mindy said. "This better not be a telemarketer because I already have a 3 year supply of mail-order feminine hygiene napkins." "What?" said the voice on the phone. "Is that you, Mindy?" "Grandma Perkins! Why are you calling me at midnight?" "Mindy, darling, I hate to have to break this to you in such a sudden, brutal way, but I'm a witch." "Aw, I knew that Grandma. You always smell like garlic, you own a black cat, and your brownies always taste suspiciously like toads. What else could you be?" "Well, I'm certainly happy to have such a smart granddaughter. Maybe you will appreciate it when I tell you the existence of humankind is at risk." "Not really, Grandma. That's a lot to get my head around. Are you sure you're not drunk? Why would you call me at midnight with this information?" "Because at midnight ordinary telephones can be made to transmit across the dimensional boundaries and right now I am in the dimension of the Black Dragon." Mindy frowned at the phone. "The Black Dragon? Never heard of it. Grandma? Are you still there?" But the connection had been lost. Mindy sat up for awhile wondering what her Grandma had been trying to tell her, then she fell back asleep. |
| "We still need to figure out something," Bruce said. "Yeah, but you're just a movie star with two broken legs," said Danny. "It's not like you can do anything." "I know some people, who know people who would know what to do," said Bruce. "We call them technical advisers - need a stunt figured out, they do it, need to make a fight scene where the fighters only have wooden sticks sound like a sword fight, they do it. Need to stuff a big guy in a little car, and make him look both ridiculous, and badass at the same time, they do it. If you need someone to build machines to cross dimensions, they can do it." "How would they do that?" Danny asked. "I haven't figured that part out," said Bruce. "Maybe if we hired a witch who needed the facsimile of a device to channel her powers through to make it work for real, then it might work. That's what they did in Elf when the jet-thing on Santa's Sleigh broke down - they got enough people together to believe in the Spirit of Christmas and the sled was able to fly, and Christmas was saved. Maybe that's what we need - belief that whatever device we made would work." "Bruce, I think you lost your mind somewhere." "No; I've played crazy before, had to deal with things that would drive people insane, like this one woman in England named Mary Whitehouse - she was a real nutjob - complained about this one scene way to much for my opinion - granted Raimi himself kind of wished he hadn't made it, as it was a little over the top, but that woman carried on about it too much - and what's even worse is this; she never actually watched the movie, and judged by what someone else had told her." "What movie did she complain about?" Danny asked. "The Evil Dead, specifically, this scene where this woman gets attacked by these trees, and it's fairly graphic, at least by 1982 standards," said Bruce. "Still, that woman complained about anything that had 'bad language', 'sexual overtones', 'homosexuality', 'anti-God', or 'violent'. Hell, most British comedians liked to mock her, and her Clean-Up TV group and later her National Viewers' and Listeners' Association group - but the fact that they don't watch the stuff they complain about is what angers me about groups like them. I mean, I can understand critics who like to point out the terrible acting in some of my stuff, because that means they watched it - you can't judge something if you've never seen or heard it." |
| Mindy realized she was floating in a pitch black void, she wasn't in her house. "Mindy." Said her Grandma "You're almost in the Dragon Queen's Dimension as well "Oh no!" Said Mindy "Mindy...I want you to listen very carefully." Said her Grandma "The way to escape is to....Are you listening...Think Blue, Count Two and look for a red shoe..." Meanwhile Danny was still trying to help Bruce. Two Wolves walked up "Need some help?" Asked Bigby "Bigby! Gertrude!" Exclaimed Danny "How come you two needed follow the Dragon Queen?" "Both of us sleep with ear plugs." Said Gertrude "Why do you talking Animals live here in Camptown?" Asked Bruce "It's a long story." Said Bigby "Long ago our great-grandparents protested the rule of evil Dragon Queen so she exiled them to a land where Animals weren't supposed to talk." |
| "That wasn't such a long story," said Bruce. "I left out a lot of details," said Bigby. Danny gestured for the wolves to pick up Bruce. "Help me get him to a hospital." "Why don't you just call an ambulance?" asked Bigby. "No phone! Do you have one?" Bigby called 911 on his cell, an ambulance came, and soon Bruce was on his way to the little Camptown Hospital, which was pretty small but did have two doctors on its staff who had completed medical school. Meanwhile, Mindy was thinking blue and counting two while she floated in the void. A red shoe drifted by her and she grabbed it. "I've got the shoe, Grandma!" "Put it on!" There was a flash and a bang when Mindy did that and suddenly she was standing on a vast desert next to her Grandma Perkins. "Where are we, Grandma?" "We're in the dimension of the Black Dragon. We're going to kill her." "Kill her?" gasped Mindy. "B-b-but that's murder!" "Shush, child! We're not on earth anymore. Out here there are battles between Good and Evil and there is almost always somebody or something getting killed by it." |
| "Besides," said Grandma. "She's pure evil. She stole my recipe to my Blueberry Muffins." "How is that evil?" Mindy asked. "They were Award-Winning muffins," said Grandma. "Everyone loved them, except for her. Her Blackberry Bagels always came 2nd place to them. Now she's stolen the recipe to them." "I hope there's more to this than just a food fight thing," said Mindy. "She claims that I stole her boyfriend," said Grandma. "Not my fault I asked him out to the dance first. You snooze, you lose." |
| "His name was Marvin." Said Granny Perkins "He was the handsomest Tiger in all the Land...And she only wanted him because he was handsome...I loved him because I saw him for who he was within." |
| "Who was he within?" asked Mindy. Grandma Perkins looked hard at Mindy. "Potentially the wealthiest tiger in the universe." "Wow!" Mindy said. "But not anymore," said Grandma Perkins, "because that bitch of a dragon came sneaking around and stole Marvin back!" "So now he is her boyfriend?" Mindy asked. "Yes, and she has ruined him. Marvin had everything: looks, charisma, talent, charm... but that no-good Black Dragon has destroyed him! Destroyed him, I say! Now he is like a simpering slave boy doing whatever she wishes. With me he could have been so much more!" Mindy nodded. "At least you're not bitter about it." "Not bitter! My guts boil with bitterness. My soul reeks of the foul smell of corrupted dreams and hopes denied. I taste bitterness every moment of my life." Mindy sighed. "I was just trying to lighten the moment with a little humor." "This is not a time for jokes, child! We've got a dragon to kill." |
| "Really, all over a stolen boyfriend and a recipe?" Mindy asked. "Okay, it's more complicated than that," said Grandma. "We used to be BFFs." |
| Meanwhile, in the castle home of the Dragon Queen, the Dragon Queen entered her chambers, "Marvin! I'm thirsty! Get me a glass of Lemonade!" The tiger servant has that look as he's under a spell, "Yes my queen." Is all he said in a monotone voice. |
| Meanwhile Sandy wakes up from a bad dream and finds that her phone is ringing "Who's calling me at 2 in the morning?" Asked Sandy irritably "Sandy, it's me Danny." Said the Voice "As in...Danny Turkey?" "Come to the hospital quick!" Said Danny "I'm here with Bigby, Gertrude, and Baby Siblings and...Some old guy with two broken legs." "What's going on?" Asked Sandy "The Dragon Queen! She returned for us!" Said Danny "Whose the Dragon Queen?" Asked Sandy "I can explain everything if you come to the hospital." Said Danny Meanwhile in Animal Land, Granny Perkins and Mindy was meeting with the last free willed Creatures in Animalia, there was Eclipse, a Vampire Bat whose echolocation could disrupt the Queen's hypnotic voice, there was Tidal, a Sea Turtle who built the underwater hideout, and Pepper, a Skunk who could produce both good smells and bad smells, she was a spy, serving as the Queen's Perfume maker by day, came back with info at night |
| "So you are Emma Perkins' granddaughter," said Tidal. "You look just like her when she was your age." Mindy's eyes widened. "You knew my Grandma when she was young?" "Oh yes, I've lived for centuries, so I've known just about everybody when they were young." "Except me," said Eclipse, the Vampire Bat. "I do believe I'm even older than you." "I won't argue the point," said Tidal. Pepper had little to say, just looking Mindy up and down like she had never seen a mouse before. Mindy tried to be polite. "It must be fascinating to be right there in the Dragon Queen's castle watching every move she makes." "You smell like cheap, discount warehouse perfume," Pepper said. Mindy was taken aback. "Well, I'm not a millionaire." "And you don't smell like one, either." |
| "Could be worse," Grandma said, as she looked into a bubbling cauldron. "You could be poor Bruce Campbell." "You mean the guy from Army of Darkness?" Mindy asked. "You know him?" Grandma asked back. "Saw a few of his movies," said Mindy. "What happened to him?" "Apparently, him showing up outside of his hotel room disrupted the dragon's concentration for a second, and thus she broke his legs as punishment," said Grandma. "Still, said distraction was able to cause some of the animals to break free of her spell." |
| In the hospital, Bruce is laying in bed with both his legs propped up and in casts, when a beautiful nurse came in "Good evening Mr. Campbell. I'm nurse Lola and I'll give you a sponge bath..." but when he looked at the nurse again, she turns out to be a deadite zombie "..then I'll swallow your soul!" Bruce only yelled in fear like Ash J. Williams, but before the nurse was on top of him, he woke up. All a bad dream "Oh, must be overworked." |
| "I'm your nurse," said a tiny, bald 80 year old man who who looked like a Zombie. Sandy came to the hospital. "This better be good!" she said, yawning. "It's a school night." "Sandy," Said Danny, "It's time we came clean about where we came from..." |
| "I'm listening," Sandy said. Danny looked straight into her eyes. "My mom and dad and I came here from another dimension, a dimension where animals can talk." "I always thought you guys were from Europe or something. They have talking animals over there. We read Animal Farm in English class. And Charlotte's Web was one of my faves as a kid." "No, we didn't come from Europe," Danny said, "or anywhere on Earth. We came from a place where there are mighty battles between Good and Evil and we wanted to escape all the confusion and destruction. But it's come here to take us back, Sandy. It's come here to take us back." "What do you mean 'take us back'?" Danny took her hands in his. "A being called the Black Dragon Queen came in the night and hypnotized most of the animals. Only myself and a few others escaped. My mom and dad are gone, Sandy. I'm alone here now." "Oh, that's awful!" Sandy said. "You can come live with us. My mom won't mind. Besides, it's almost Thanksgiving and I heard her say 'I wish a turkey would just walk through that door and' ... Oh! I just realized what she was thinking! I'm sorry!" "It's okay," Danny said. "My dad was always trying to convince me that humans became bewitched late in November and start eating turkeys. I never believed him. But now... now I think anything is possible." |
| "Well, we've got to save your family," said Sandy. "Managed to get a good idea, in that we need to find a witch who can open up a portal," said Danny. |
| Sandy says "I know one, Hilda Voschoff, she was my homeroom teacher. Fellow students called her Broomhilda due to that she resembled a witch, I even saw her cast a few spells." |
| Meanwhile in Animalia, Pepper was making her perfumes when she heard a curious noise. 'Thump Thump Thump' Pepper put her eat to the floor and listened 'Thump Thump Thump' What could that possibly be? Then she saw two servants a Naked Mole Rat and a Blobfish walk by "Why are we the Ones who always have to feed the Monster?" Asked the Blobfish "Because the Queen says we're ugly, and she doesn't want any of her handsome servants to see her latest creation." Said the Naked Mole Rat "Why did she create that thing?" Asked the Blobfish "Rumor has it she plans to use it to conquer other world to form the Dragon Empire." Said the Naked Mole Rat |
| "I think it looks quite handsome," said the Blobfish. "You would," said the Mole Rat, "since you're so ugly yourself every other creature looks beautiful." "Except you," said the Blobfish. "You have a cruel heart and it makes you look ugly." "Oh boo hoo!" said the Mole Rat. "You made me cry... not! |
| Pepper realized something needed to be done! Not content with conquering Animalia the Dragon Queen had to conquer other worlds as well! As soon as it was time for lunch Pepper headed to the cafeteria, there she bumped into...Bumped is not the right word...Collided with the Queen's young Scribe a Goldfinch named Alabaster |
| "Hello, Alabaster," said Pepper. "I hear the Queen has big new plans for conquering other worlds." "It's true," said the Goldfinch. "I wish she didn't, but I'm just a scribe so there is nothing I can do about it." "I agree with you," said Pepper. "Conquering other worlds is not a good idea. It will only get us involved in wars and that will bring about a lot of killing and destruction." "But what can we do?" asked Alabaster. "We're only pawns in the game. The Queen and her cronies have all the power." |
| Alabaster says "If we do that, we'll be branded as traitors. The punishment for treason is death." "How can rewriting the schedule count as treason?" "The schedule change is for the Queen's approval only. she doesn't like schedule changes that she didn't approve." |
| "Alabaster." Said Pepper "I think you should meet some friends of mine." She took the Goldfinch to the secret base once their work was over |
| Mindy the Mouse, Tidal the Tortoise, and Eclipse the Vampire Bat all shook hands (er... wing?) with Alabaster and welcomed him into their group. "You realize you will be putting your life in danger if you fall in with us?" Tidal said. "I understand," said Alabaster, but a life lived under tyranny is no better than death. Down with the Black Dragon Queen!" All of them raised clenched fists and repeated his cry: Down with the Black Dragon Queen! An intense meeting followed with Pepper and Alabaster listening to suggestions form the other three about how they might use their "insider" status. Very late the meeting broke up and Pepper and Alabaster returned to the castle. It so happened that Bragg, the Blobfish, and Nudiecute, the Naked Mole Rat, had been out late drinking and they noticed the surprisingly late return of Alabaster. "That one's up to no good," said Bragg. "I know for a fact he never drinks so why would he be out this late?" "I don't know," said Nudiecute. "Maybe you should ask him." "He would only tell me a lie. I don't trust those golden birds with their pretty faces and fancy ways." |
| "Maybe he found himself a girl," said Nudiecute. "I'd like to find one myself." "Ha, fat chance," said Bragg. "For any girl to like you, she'd have to be dead drunk." |
| Meanwhile, Sandy and Danny arrived at Hilda Voschoff's house, after Sandy knocked on the door, Hilda opened it, "Sandy, nice for you to visit after all these years, and who's your friend?" Danny says "The name's Danny ma'am, I need a portal back to Animalia, my home world. Could you do that Broomhilda?" Hilda just cackled, "I told the class not to call me Broomhilda, I'm not named after on of the Valkyries that lead Norse heroes to Valhalla. As for the portal, of course I know such a spell." |
| "It's called Tella's Time Dilation." Said Hilda "Named after Tella Foam, a Mermaid Spell caster who lived in seventh century A.D." "Mermaid?!" Sandy exclaimed |
| "Yes," said Hilda. "That's a woman who is half human and half fish." "I know what a mermaid is," Sandy said. "I just didn't believe they really existed." Hilda laughed. "Darling, almost everything exists somewhere somehow. If you can think of something, then it has the potential to exist." "Even the most frightening awful monsters I can think of?" Hilda sighed. "Unfortunately it's true. That's why it's better not to spend your time imagining monsters." Hilda worked the spell of Tella's Time Dilation (fortunately, it had the side effect of taking almost no time to happen) and Sandy and Danny found themselves standing in a dreary desert in Animalia. "It's been a very long time since I was here last," Danny said, "and I was only a small child, so I don't really know where anything is." |
| "Is there a map?" Sandy asked. "It would be nice if one fell into our hands." |
| Soon Sandy and Danny found skeletal remains of a striped hyena, wearing tatters of a tunic clutching a map in one boney hand. Sandy asks "What happened here?" Danny found a canteen in a pouch near the body and shook it "Must've died of thirst because this canteen is bone dry. On the plus side we found a map." |
| As they walked they came across something incredibly strange! It was a statue of something that looked like a Giant Brain with three...Tentacle Legs that it stood on "What is this?" Sandy asked "Something out of H.P. Lovecraft?!" Danny instantly knew what it was "A Destroyer!" He gasped "My folks told me long ago in Animalia's History long before any of us alive today even the Dragon Queen...A race from beyond the stars calling themselves the Destroyers came to conquer Animalia, they would have succeeded too...If not for the Legendary Hero Sun-Boy!" "Who or what was Sun-Boy?" Asked Sandy "I have no clue." Said Danny, "Every Species claimed him as one of their own...Some story books say his was a Deer others an Eagle, a Bear...Even a Mole...Sun-Boy sent the Destroyers packing by finding out their one weakness...Music! They can't stand Music! They sound of it will make their enormous brains explode!" |
| "Wow!" Sandy said. "Music! Who would have thought it could be a weapon?" "It's why we have so many music festivals and celebrations in Animalia," Danny said. "Almost every month there is some kind of music-related holiday." "You seem to know a lot about the place considering you left here years ago." "I did leave but I had already completed three years of primary school, so I knew all about holidays." Bragg the Blobfish and Nudiecutie the Naked Mole Rat had been watching Alabaster the Goldfinch very closely ever since his late night return to the castle. They soon noticed that he was now sneaking out of the castle every now and then at night to go somewhere and Bragg's suspicions grew stronger. "I tell you, Nudie," Bragg said. "That Goldfinch is doing something he don't want no one to know about. Maybe we should tell the Black Dragon Queen?" That evening, when Alabaster snuck away from the castle, he was followed by two of it's most ugliest denizens. |
| "I say he's visiting a girl," said Nudiecutie. "Must be the shy type." "Well, I say he's up to no good," said Bragg. "Would you be if you had a girl, and you was doing the nasty to her?" Nudiecutie asked. "You have a point there," said Bragg. "Maybe we should congratulate him, and give him some pointers." "The pharmacy sells condoms," said Nudiecutie. "We ought to give him some. After all, we don't need him catching some cross-species sexually-transmitted disease." "Right," said Bragg. "Those are worse than regular ones - lack of natural immunity, or resistance to them at any rate. He catches something really bad, and he's dead within a week, whereas if he got the kind that evolved with his species, he'd stand a fighting chance." |
| At the hideout, Grandma peered into the cauldron, "We seem to have a problem. Alabaster, Pepper's new friend, is on his way here and he's not alone I'm afraid. Two of the Black Dragon Queen's lackeys is following him at a distance. If they found out that he's a double agent, we're all in trouble." Pepper says "Looks like I have to draw them off, but I need help." |
| Eclipse volunteered "My sonar will confuse them till they can't see their snouts in front of their face!" "Wait!" Said Grandma "Something is happening! Someone is coming out of a building!" Alabaster being a Bird had already flown, and neither the Naked Mole Rat nor Blobfish could fly. Out of the local bar stepped a Female...It was hard to tell what species she was, she had the antennae of an insect the beak of a bird, but with sharp shark like teeth, fluffy white fur all over and long sharp claws on her hands and feet. "%*$$" The Girl Thing swore throwing a beer bottle at the two henchmen "Ow!" Yelled Bragg "Madame! We are servants of the Queen!" The Thing grabbed Bragg's "You raped me last night!" "Madame!" Bragg was now slightly alarmed because the thing was quite strong and had sharp claws, teeth and beak "I fear you must be mistaken...I've never met you in fact...I'm a virgin...Perhaps some other Blobfish." But the thing started jumping up and down on Bragg's head, it seemed the laws and policies the Dragon Queen had made for her kingdom over the years (And some of the experimental creatures she created) Were coming back to bite her bite her in the tail and her kingdom was crumbling on it's own accord |
| Seeing his friend, the blobfish, being beat up, Nudiecutie panicked and ran through the streets looking for a guardsman. "Help! Help!" Finally he found one. "My friend is being murdered by a monster!" When Nudiecutie and the guard got back to the scene, Bragg the Blobfish was just a bloody smear in the dirt. Nudie knelt beside him. "Bragg?! Bragg? Can you hear me?" But there was no life left in the ugly blobfish. Nudie sobbed. "Now that Bragg is dead that makes ME the ugliest creature in the land." Nudiecutie looked at the guard. "A creature covered in white fur did this. She had the beak of a bird but filled with sharp teeth." "That sounds like Flurina," said the guard. "This isn't the first time she's attacked someone lately. I remember when she was a good girl. The whole kingdom seems to be losing its moral values. It's as if everyone is going a little bit crazy." "Do you blame the Queen?" said Nudiecutie. He was still one of her firmest supporters. The guard looked shocked. "No, of course not! Long live the Queen!" "Long live the Queen!" agreed the mole rat. |
| "Still, I hope she isn't behind this," said Nudiecutie. "We were going to congratulate this one young bird for finding himself a girlfriend, and give him some helpful advice." |
| The hybrid creature came up to Alabaster and he says "Nice work, but I asked you to keep them busy, not slaughter one of them." He gives her a small bag "Anyway, here's your payment Alice." Alice accepts the payment, "No problem, as for the blobfish, I had a score to settle with him." |
| "Did he really rape you?" Asked Alabaster "No...But he did bankrupt my family." Said Alice "Meanwhile Sandy was feeling incredibly sad for seemingly no reason. "Why the long face?" Asked Danny "I miss Mindy." Said Sandy "All the times we shared, the food we ate, the benches we sat on." Danny realized what was happening "Oh geez!" he exclaimed "The fog of sadness is coming in! We got to find shelter quick!" |
| "Where?" Sandy asked. "It's all desert!" "Things are not always what they seem," Danny said. "There is a creature that lives in the desert called the See Me Not. It protects itself by projecting a hypnotic illusion that it is invisible." "Isn't that the same thing as being invisible?" Sandy said. "Well, yeah, but I didn't want you to think I believed in magic or something. There's a scientific reason why we can't see it." "So what about this See Me Not?" Sandy said. "Why does it matter?" "Because standing next to one makes you happy. It counteracts the Fog of Sadness." "That's convenient," Sandy said, "but how do we find one of these See Me Nots if we can't see them?" "By running into them," Danny said. "They are everywhere, but they have been moving out of our way as we walk along. Stretch out your arms and run. You're bound to hit one of them because they can't move very fast." Danny and Sandy stretched out their arms as if they were trying to fly and went running across the desert. Almost immediately Danny said, "I hit one! Over here! I have a hold on it's tail." "Are they dangerous?" Sandy asked. "I don't want to get bitten by an invisible creature." "They don't bite. Fell happier now?" "Yes, I do!" Sandy said. "Well, don't get too happy. Now we just wait for the Fog of Sadness to pass. It shouldn't take long." |
| "How long does it take?" Sandy asked. "About five minutes," said Danny. "After that, let go of the See Me Not." "Why's that?" Sandy asked. "Too much happiness can be very addicting," said Danny. "Get too happy and you'll forget about taking care of yourself, which isn't good." |
| Soon the fog of sadness subsided and both Danny and Sandy released the See Me Not. Meanwhile, While Alabaster and Alice entered the hideout, Granny sees in the Cauldron "I see two visitors trekking through the desert of the See Me Nots." Mindy recognizes one of them "That's Sandy, what's she doing here?" |
| "She seems to coming towards us." Said Granny "There's Danny!" Said Mindy "Why is he with Sandy?" Meanwhile the Black Dragon Queen was in her Castle. sitting on her Golden Throne and eating Bon Bons served to by Marvin. "My Monster seems to have taken ill." Said The Queen as she popped another bon bon on her tongue "What has happened to cause my precious monster to become ill?" |
| "Oh, screw you," mumbled Marvin the tiger under his breath. The Queen scowled. "What's that? What did you say?" "I said nothing, your majesty. You are right. I am sick with some foul disease. I hope I have not been cursed by a witch." "Nonsense!" said the Queen. "No witch would dare anger me by cursing my little poopy." Marvin almost growled, but restrained himself. What's wrong with me? he thought. I feel like I want to pounce on something and tear it apart. He handed the Queen another Bon Bon. |
| Sandy and Danny made it out of the desert, but they ran into a familiar face "Welcome to Animalia," Mindy says, "although I don't know why you're here let alone with Danny." Sandy says, "I'm helping Danny free his parents from the Black Dragon Queen." Mindy says "In that case, I know some people that can help, you two please come with me and we'll help with that and perhaps help dethrone the Dragon Queen." |
| Danny and Sandy met Mindy's Grandma, Eclipse, Tidal and Pepper "How do we plan on fighting the Dragon Queen?" Asked Sandy "We have reason to believe that The Dragon Queen has a secret hidden Monster she will use to conquer other worlds." Said Eclipse "We need to find a way to destroy this Monster!" Meanwhile in the Animalia Town of Dragon's Gate, a young female Saiga Antelope, was wandering, penniless and hungry... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saiga_antelope She found a piece of paper fluttering in the breeze, The Saiga Girl watched as it landed at her hooves. The piece of paper read 'To Whom it may concern, The Power of Gold is the secret to the Queen's Power, remove all the Gold and she becomes weak and powerless the Black Dragon used the Power of Gold to usurp the Unicorn Monarchs.' You can find me at the Garbage Dump Slimy Slug' |
| The Saiga Antelope girl, whose name was Tarica, read the paper a second time. Was it some kind of trick? Tarica hated the Dragon Queen and would be glad to help bring her down, but the Queen was known to set snares for the unwary rebel. This Slimy Slug character might be one of the Queen's men waiting to entrap her. Nevertheless, she decided to take the chance. She could run fast and she would go in on full alert. When she got to the garbage dump, there was no one there. Tarica looked around, decided the paper was a hoax, and started to leave. Then she heard a voice, a wet, slimy voice that was coming from under the garbage: "Don't go! I'm down here. I see you have one of my papers." Tarica rooted through the garbage until she uncovered the slug. He was much smaller than she expected, only a foot long, but he was definitely slimy. "You are Slimy Slug?" Tarica said. "I find you somewhat disgusting. No offense." "No offense taken," said Slimy. "I'm just glad someone came. You're the only one." "How many papers did you drop?" Tarica asked. "Hundreds!" Tarica's eyes widened. "Then I suggest we get out of this garbage pile as quickly as possible. Undoubtedly one of those papers has fallen into the hands of the Queen's Guards by now." "Oh! I didn't think of that!" "Climb on my back," Tarica said. "I'll take us somewhere safer." |
| "My brothers always did say I was book smart, but no common sense," said Slimy. |
| As Slimy and Tarica left, few of the Queen's guards marched in "Come on out Slimy! In the name of the Queen, we're putting you under arrest for rebel rousing, and the Queen doesn't take kindly to rebellions." |
| Tarica and Slimy left Dragon's Gate to find a safer place. They passed through the Desert of See Me Nots without incident and found themselves in the Hills of Indifference. By coincidence, they sat down to rest not far from Granny Perkins' hideout. It was Mindy the mouse on her way to the well who spotted them. "Hello," she said to Tarica the antelope girl.. "You look like a weary traveler. Can I offer you a drink?" A conversation followed in which Mindy quickly determined that Tarica was a rebel just like herself so she offered Tarica and Slimy an invitation to join the group of rebels. The invitation was accepted, so now Granny Perkins' cave was getting crowded. There was Granny Perkins Mindy the Mouse Eclipse the Vampire Bat Tidal the Sea Turtle Sandy the Cheerleader Danny Turkey Tarica the Saiga Antelope Slimy the Slug and the two spies who lived in the castle but visited often Pepper the Skunk Alabaster the Goldfinch "It's getting rather stuffy in here," said Sandy. "Can we open a window or something? That slug introduced an entirely new batch of odors into the mix." "Patience, children," said Grandma Perkins. "It won't be long before we make our big move. The people of Animalia are fed up. I believe they have finally reached the point where they will support a rebellion to overthrow the Black Dragon Queen!" They all grew silent thinking of the awesome implications. |
| "We need to remove all of the gold from the Queen's Castle!" Said Slimy "With no gold she'll become weak and helpless." |
| "That sounds like a job for a Goldfinch," Slimy said and everyone turned to look at the little golden bird. "What?!" he said. "Just because the word gold is in my name now I am suddenly an expert on how to steal gold? I don't think so." "But you know more about the gold than any of the rest of us," said old Tidal. "You are the queen's scribe. You have access to the accounting. You know where the gold is kept." "Alright! Alright! I have knowledge about the gold and naturally I'll help as much as I can, but please, give the job of organizing and planning this to someone else." |
| "He's got a point," said Slimy. "What you need is an expert thief, who is good at not getting caught, and is good at stealing things from under the owner's nose." |
| Willie the weasel was at a nearby bar when he saw 2 of the Queen's guards soiled in garbage, "What an unlucky pair," he says to himself, "Let see if they're unlucky enough to loose their gold coins." As the guards pass the bar, Willie sneaks behind the guards barring the stench of garbage and then quickly takes each of their gold purses. "HEY!" One of the guards shouted, they tried to pursue Willie but he had tricks. He left a slippery surprise for them then he acrobatically jumps onto a sign then onto the rooftops leaving the guards completely humiliated. Willie went into an alley as he counted the gold coins he stole "Haha, easy takings. The Queen's Guards are easy to get away from." |
| Alabaster was heading back to the castle 'How did I let them tal me into this.' He thought to himself |
| Willie the Weasel spotted the golden bird walking along and ran over to keep pace with him. "Hello, buddy! Nice day, huh? Are you on your way to the bank?" "The bank?" said Alabaster. "Heavens no. There would be no reason. I'm broke as a sparrow." He noticed the disappointment on the weasel's face. "Why do you want to know? Hey, wait a minute. You're Willie the Weasel, aren't you?" Willie's eyes narrowed. "Why? What's it to you?" "Don't be alarmed. I'm not trying to get you in trouble. I might have a job for you if you are interested." Willie drew back. "Say, just what kind of work do you think I do?" Alabaster laughed. "You can't fool me, Willie. I know you're the biggest thief in Animalia. You're famous." Willie grinned. "Yeah, I am, ain't I?" "So, do you think you might be interested in a special job that will really rest your talents?" "I might be. Tell me more." |
| "Later," said Alabaster. "I have work to do. but, give me a moment, and I'll give you a note on when, and where to meet me. Oh, and I'll be bringing a few friends." |
| Alabaster went back to the hideout and told Slimy about Willie the Weasel. Slimy says "The biggest thief in Animalia eh? Yeah, I heard of him. He might pull this off." Alabaster asks "So he's on the team." Granny Perkins says "Bring him here and I'll explain everything to him." |
| Alabaster's wings were getting pretty tired nonetheless he flew back to get Willie "You give him the full scoop..." Panted the Goldfinch "I'll just...Collapse over there." |
| Willie listened enthusiastically to the rebels' plans. "Blimey!" he said. "I thought myself that the old queen was getting to be a bit of a nag. It's good to find others who think the same way." "Then you will help us steal her gold?" asked Tidal. "That I will do," said Willie, "and of course you will not be minding if I keep a little for myself?" "Keep whatever you think is a fair share for your efforts. The rest we will use to establish a new kingdom free of the Back Dragon Queen's tyranny." "Then I am off to make my preparations. And little gold bird, you would be so kind as to provide me with a floor plan of the castle, right? And indicate where the gold is to be found?" Yes, I can do that," said Alabaster. "I'll give it to you tomorrow." "Good night, all!" said Willie. "Here's to our great success!" "To success!" said the rebels. |
| Willie got home and looked at a locket he has "Soon Wilma, I will avenge your death and the Queen will soon loose power. She will pay for what she did." Inside the locket is two pictures, him and a female weasel. He closes his locket, "Soon as I steal all her gold, the next song she'll sing is her swansong." |
| Although exhausted, Alabaster forced himself to get up again the next morning after only 3 hours of sleep so that he could look through the records before anyone else in the castle was awake. He quickly drew the map that Willie would need, then flew to Willie and gave it to him. "Thankee, little bird," said Willie. "Wish me luck." "My name is Alabaster," said Alabaster. "What?" "You always call me little bird but I do have a name." WiIlie nodded. "I'm sorry, little bird. I'll be sure to use your name from now on." "Good luck then. When are you going to rob the queen?" "It will be a surprise, little bird. It will be a surprise." |
| Alabaster groaned. The weasel had called him "little bird", yet again. Still, war made for strange allies. |
| Willie looked at the map "So, her gold is in a safe in her private chambers eh? Okay, I'm ready. Soon Wilma, the queen will pay for your false execution. So what if she didn't know you were deaf. That doesn't mean you were a traitor." He picks up a pair of earplugs, "Just in case." |
| Sandy was with Mindy "Mindy...I want you to know...I love you." Sandy said "Um...What?" Mindy's ears perked up "I really really do love you!" Exclaimed Sasndy |
| "And I love you, too," Mindy said, " and gave her friend a hug. "What brought on this sudden love fest?" "I don't know," Sandy said. "I was just thinking of how we are probably going to die here and I'll never see my family again and I got to feeling real lonely and then I was so glad that you are here." "Awww," Mindy said and hugged her again. "Don't worry, you'll get home again. You're not going to die here." Willie burst into Grandma Perkins' hideout that night with a big grin on his face. "I did it! Piece of cake! I got the gold!" Yay! "You did good," Grandma Perkins said. "Now that abominable queen is going down." Down with the queen! Alabaster said, "Maybe me and Pepper better stay here, Grandma. I'm not sure it's safe for us at the castle anymore." "Stay here as long as you like." |
| "So, we have the gold," said Willie. "How are you going to handle the queen?" |
| Alabaster says "I imagine that without her gold, her spell over her subjects is broken." In the castle, the Queen says "Marvin, get me more Bon-bons," Marvin only responded "Get them yourself." The Queen looked shock "What did you say?" Marvin says "I said, get them yourself." The Queen says "Get them for me, please?" in her harmonic voice. Marvin says "Sorry, but that golden voice of yours has lost it's charm." Then he got up, the Queen says "Wait! Where are you going!?" Marvin says "If you really want to know Krystal, back to Emma." As Marvin left,, Queen Krystal bellowed out "GUARDS!" |
| The Guards however aimed there arrows at the Queen, one of them, a Black Bear named Cubby aimed one arrow at her sensitive underbelly, the arrow hit the Queen Screamed as blood poured forth |
| At the same moment the Black Dragon Queen died, Danny Turkey jerked awake from his sleep in Granny Perkins' hideout and said, "Something has happened! I feel a great weight lifted off my soul. The death of my parents and sister has been avenged!" |
| Danny says "I believe so." Then the door burst open, Marvin tiger says "Emma, I've come back for you." Granny Perkins yawns "What's going on in this ungodly hour?" That's where she saw Marvin, "Marvin. You came back." Marvin says "I did not come back alone." In came the following, Lucky,Todd, Keith, Belfry and Frederica. "Freed them all from the Dragon Queen's dungeon. Speaking of which, she's dead, killed by her own guards." |
| Sandy approached Grandma Perkins with a request. "Grandma, now that the Black Dragon Queen has been defeated, can I go home to Camptown now?" "Gracious, child!" said Grandma. "Of course you can. Are you ready to go right now?" "I am, but first I better talk with Mindy and see if she wants to go home with me or stay here in Animalia." "And what about Danny Turkey?" Grandma asked. "I kind of think he has no interest in going back to Camptown, but I will ask him." |
| Meanwhile, Bruce Campbell was talking to his buddy, Sam Raimi, on the phone. "It would be a great movie. Evil dragon holds a community hostage, taking their children one by one for nefarious reasons, only for the Hero to come along and blow it up with a rocket launcher." Bruce then listened to his friend on the other end. "Yeah, you got a point there, Sam, most of those Hollywood guys have way too much ego to be involved in a film like that," said Bruce. "Of course, that's why you have me - I don't mind doing a B-List movie, as those are more fun. Hell, we can get Asylum Productions to do it. They like crazy stuff like this." Sam said some more. "Sure. I wouldn't mind being the Hero of the film," said Bruce. "Only, I have to wait about six months or so. I had a little accident." Sam asked a question. "No, it wasn't that kind of an accident," said Bruce. "A, um, tree, fell on me, and I was lucky to only have my legs broken." Sam said some more. "I'm sure we can figure something out for Season 2," said Bruce. "Hell, we could use a Fake Shemp, just like with our first Evil Dead movie. A little bit of CGI, find a guy that can reasonably pass for me, and it should be alright." |
| Soon a new currently unknown evil lurks in the shadows of Clamptown "Soon Clamptown," It said in a dark evil voice. "I will soon make things not so merry this Christmas, the Black Queen maybe defeated but she's nothing compare to me. MUAHAHAHAHA!" |
| "Can we have Pizza tonight?" Asked a small squeaky voice "Eugene! You just ruined my ominous moment!" Said the Booming Voice |
| "Are you ready?" asked Grandma Perkins. "Yes," said Sandy. "And Mindy, you are sure you want to return to earth?" "I'm sure," said Mindy. "Then both of you close your eyes and think of pizza." "Pizza?" said Sandy. "No talking, just thinking," said Grandma. Sandy woke up in her bed in her home in Camptown and stretched. "Was that a dream?" Then she heard yelling and screaming coming from outside. She opened her window and asked one of the people running by what was going on. "Unspeakable evil!" said the runner. "It's coming! It's coming!" |
| Meanwhile, in a barn just on the outskirts of Camptown, Dracula is about to sleep in a makeshift casket in the hayloft while the Frankenstein monster hooked his bolts to a solar powered device to recharge, that's where they heard sleigh bells approaching then he heard the barn doors opening where a Christmas elf enters "Okay big guy, this barn seems empty." On cue Santa's sleigh slides in drawn by two reindeer and drove by Santa himself "Good work Peppermint, this is a good hiding place for my sleigh while we look for him incognito. Get the disguises ready." Count Dracula says "Santa Claus? Aren't you supposed to check both the naughty and nice list at this time?" Santa looked up "Dracula, aren't you supposed to be in Transylvania? As for the list, everything's computerized now." Dracula says "It's complicated, but what's going on?" Santa says "If you really want to know, I'm looking for Krampus." Dracula says "Krampus? Isn't he some creature that supposed to punish misbehaving children around Christmas?" Santa says "Yes, but he's gone mad. If I don't stop him soon, he'll slaughter all the children of Camptown, good or bad." |
| "Oh Frick." Said Dracula "I'm really sleep deprived right now and can't think straight." "I have garlic bread." Said Santa Dracula let out a loud hiss |
| "Me help you," grunted Frankenstein. "Me love kids." "That's alright," Santa said. "I appreciate your offer but I think you might scare them." "Grrrr! Me no scare!" "I didn't mean deliberately. Have you ever looked in a mirror?" |
| Meanwhile, Sandy was wondering that her adventure in Animialia was either a dream or real, that's when he got a phone call from Hilda, "Sandy, did you hear?" Sandy says "About the unspeakable evil? Yeah, sort of. What's going on around here?" Hilda says "Krampus, has arrived in Camptown." Sandy asks "Krampus? Who's that?" Hilda says "Sort of like Santa Claus, but he's a creature that supposed to punish misbehaving children, but he's gone mad. Now he's here to slay all the children starting with Camptown." Sandy was shocked at this "Why? Why would he do such a horrible thing?" There's got to be a reason." |
| "I blame MTV!" Said Hilda "That's your answer to everything!" Shouted Sandy Meanwhile Mindy was looking for any Animals who had come back to Camptown with her, she didn't find many, there was Frederica the Frog, Lucky the Black Cat and...Apparently an Snowy Owl she had never met before "Oh! Hi, Owl-Sir." Said Mindy "I don't believe we've met before." The Owl smiled and he started dancing, a strange Polka like Music started when he started dancing. "Um..." Mindy looked to Frederica and Lucky "Do either of you know this guy." "No." Said Lucky "I only came back because I was worried for Lester." Said Frederica. The Owl took a Drumstick and started drumming on his own belly he started singing in a German Accent "Owl, Fowl,Comes Out to Howl, Blow the Night Away! Sire, Hire by the Fire, this is what I say!" "Um...Mindy." Said Sandy "Who is he?" "I think an escaped Mental Patient came with us when we came back to Camptown "No." Came a Voice, everyone looked up it was one of Santa's Reindeer Cupid, the Prettiest Female of the Reindeer. "The Snowy Owl is Otto." Said Cupid "His singing is the one thing that can defeat Krampus." |
| "No kidding," Sandy said. "Then he is precious indeed." "I am Otto," said the owl. "I like to get blotto and play the Lotto." "Do you rhyme everything you say?" Sandy asked. "It's not saying, it's singing," said Otto. "Aren't your ears ringing?" "There isn't much of a tune to it, but if you can defeat Krampus then--" "I know," said Otto, "then I am precious indeed. Do you always repeat yourself?" Sandy turned to Cupid. "Are you sure he's not an escaped mental patient?" |
| "Sometimes, to defeat insanity, you need someone who is already crazy," Cupid whispered. |
| "Oh, that's mine," said Frederica the Frog. "I accidentally bought rabbit snacks instead of frog snacks at the spaceport. Do you want it?" "Not really," Cupid said. "I prefer my carrots fresh, but if no one else wants it..." "I like cake," Sandy said, "but not with carrots in it, or beets, or celery, or black-eyed peas." |
| Cupid says "Somehow, I doubt they make cakes like that." Sandy says "Thank goodness." Elsewhere, at the Camptown Elementary school, 3 children walked out the front door and school came out for the day. One kid, A blond haired one called Bobby says, "Once again, Christmas is coming. I'm so excited. What shall we ask Santa for?" Peter, the athletic type says "A new skateboard, defiantly a new skateboard. Who knows, I maybe the next Tony Hawk." Kathy, a girl with raven black hair says "Oh, you boys and your toys. I'm just going to get the Malibu Barbie collection." They were followed by something, "Ahh, my first victims." |
| "Did you hear that?" Kathy asked. "You mean that creepy voice saying ah, my first victims?" Bobby asked. "Yeah, I heard it. Maybe someone is trying to prank us." "I don't think so," Peter said. "I think we should run for our lives." "RUN!" they all screamed together, and took off running down the sidewalk. |
| "I'm probably going to feel stupid for asking this, but did any of us see what scared us?" Peter asked. |
| Kathy says, "No, I never got the chance to look back." Bobby says, "Can we just get away from it?" The 3 kids end up running into a fenced in playground, they stop completely out of breath. Bobby says, "Whatever that was, I think we lost it." Then a mysterious force closes the gates, chains fly into the gates and the kids end up locked up in the playground. Heavy footsteps are heard, each one with the sound of bells jingling, Peter says, "Santa? I would like a new skateboard." Mary says, "I want a Malibu Barbie collection," Bobby says, "Just Pokémon cards for me." A dark forbidding voice says, "I am not Santa, I am Krampus and I don't give, I take." He gives a sinister laugh. The kids are shaking like a leaf on a tree. "Wha-what do you want?" Krampus says "YOUR LIVES!!! AHH HA HA HA HA HA HA!" |
| "I want to eat your souls and grind your bones to make my bread!" Shouted the Ghoul. Just then some music started that sounded a lot like Polka "Music!" Shouted the Ghoul "I can't STAND that Music!" The three kids heard something that sounded a lot like an Owl |
| Otto the Snowy Owl landed on a branch and sang... There's a bad guy on this campus And I think his name is Krampus Get out! Get out! We don't want you here! He's an ugly little ghoul Who think's he's oh so cool. Get out! Get out! We don't want you here. Krampus screamed in agony at the sound of the owl's screechy song. Finally he could take it no more and ran away. |
| "Like I said," said Cupid, as the reindeer opened the gate to the playground. "That nutjob has his uses." |
| Sandy says "That musti've been some sort of power song, it's pretty good and pretty effective." Peter came out first, "Thanks, I thought we were goners." Bobby says "Yeah thanks, hey are you one of Santa's reindeers?" |
| "I am." Said the Reindeer "I am Cupid." "Are you Rudolph's Mom?" Asked Peter Cupid was miffed "No, I have no relation to Rudolph." |
| "Is Rudolph an orphan?" Peter asked. "No," Cupid said, "He comes from a race of red-nosed reindeers that are rarely seen. No one knows much about them. I know he left home when he was a teenager so he is not an orphan." |
| Sandy said, "Kids, stop bothering Cupid with all your questions." "Oh, I don't mind," said Cupid. "I'm a Christmas reindeer. I love children. Let them ask anything they like." |
| After seeing the kids home, Cupid, Sandy and the rest continue their search for Krampus. Elsewhere, Belfry, Todd and Keith saved 2 more kids from Krampus using Belfry's echo location trick Eclipse taught him. Todd opens the door to arcade. "Oh, that was scary." One Kid(Frank), says. "Yeah, who was that?" says the other kid,(Kevin), Keith says "That was Krampus." Frank says "Why? We weren't nau..." as he looked at Keith, he cringed "Please don't eat us!" Keith says "Relax, we don't want to harm you or any of the children." Todd says "As for Krampus, he's gone mad. He doesn't care of children are naughty or nice." |
| "Don't worry," Otto said, with half-closed eyes. "I'm not exhausted. I have a million songs to sing. I'll never run dry. Couldn't do it if I tried..." Oh no, I will never run dry My cup is overflowing My songs are like the wind Always forever blowing! "Okay," Cupid said. "Don't let me get you started again." |
| Otto rose up and said "Get me some tea and let's go and see...I need some caffeine, to go to my spleen." |
| Krampus was at the swim shop buying earplugs. "I need the biggest, thickest earplugs you got," he told the clerk." "Try these," said the clerk. "Krampus put them in his ears." "How do you want to pay?" asked the clerk. "Cash or credit?" "What?" Krampus said. "I can't hear you." |
| The clerk pointed at a sign. "Shoplifters get a free ride to the Police Station." Krampus chuckled nervously at this. "Right. Um, do you take gold?" |
| "We accept American Currency here." Said the Clerk At that point one of the Animal Residents of Animalia who came to Camptown after the Dragon Queen's defeat Paki the Babirusa https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Babirusa Saw the Ghoul and didn't like him, Paki was 37 years old so he wasn't a piglet, but he decided on the fly he would kill the ghoul right then and there So he charged and bit the Ghoul's arm and really sunk in his teeth |
| "Ow! Ow! Ow!" said Krampus. "I'm so sorry, sir," said the clerk. "SECURITY!" An old watchman came running out holding a Colt revolver in his hand. "Let go of him, you dad-burned pig or I'll fill you full of lead!" But Paki was determined to chew off the ghoul's arm. Shots rang out and the pig fell over and released his hold on Krampus. "I'm sorry about that, sir," said the clerk. "There will be no charge for the ear plugs." Krampus was already out the door. The old watchman stood over the dead pig with his smoking revolver. "Pretty good shooting if I say so myself." He pulled out his cell phone. "Kate? Forget having fish this weekend. We're having barbecue instead." |
| "You're out of your mind," said the clerk. "We need to call the police, and report this. It's in the Rule Book - Page 163, Chapter 6, Paragraph 9, Section 4." |
| As the clerk called the police, he gets a message that all circuits are busy with other calls, it seems that worried parents are trying to keep their children safe from attacks. Unfortunately, the parents kept the description of the attacker anonymous due to nature of the situation is hard to believe. |
| There's a ghoul runnin' round in our town! [CHOIR: Runnin' round!] There's a ghoul runnin' round in our town! [CHOIR: In our town!] There's a ghoul runnin' round making little children frown! There's a ghoul runnin' round in our town! [CHOIR: In our town!] Somebody needs to mount a good defense [CHOIR: Good defense!] We need volunteers to man the fence! [CHOIR: Man the fence!] There's a ghoul runnin' round Let's fence him in and take him down! There's a ghoul runnin' round in our town! [CHOIR: In our town!] Krampus stole a work shirt off a clothes line and used it to fashion a sling for his chewed up arm. He made sure the ear plugs were firmly in his ears. "Now to get me some kids!" he muttered in a harsh guttural voice dripping with saliva and evil. |
| "Might need a back-up plan," said Cupid. "Sometimes Krumpas is smart enough to realize his weaknesses." |
| "Look!" Sandy said "I see his arm is bleeding! That means he can be physically harmed! Maybe he can even be killed!" Frederica the Frog heard that and...Chucked a throwing knife directly at Krampus, everyone looked at her "What?!" Frederica said "you all knew I came from a long line of Ninja Frogs." "I didn't!" Said Sandy "Ow! My eye!" Said Krampus |
| Krampus stumbled away from the evil frog with her knives and Ninja tricks. He might only be able to use one eye and one arm but at least he had two legs. He could smell little kids not more than a block away. Maybe it was a whole nest of them, like a day care center or a kindergarten. He licked his lips. "Yummy!" |
| "Looks like our problems got bigger," said Sandy. "We need to draw him towards us." |
| Keith tosses rocks at Krampus "Hey you godforsaken ghoul! Only a wimp can go after children!" |
| Krampus growled and made a clawing gesture at Keith. Then he ran off surprisingly fast towards the day care center. "Hey!" Keith said. "I know where he he's going! To the Tender Tots Loving Care Center." "What's that?" Sandy said. "You know. Their slogan is Drop off your kids here and spend your whole day not having to think about them." "Oh, that place. I thought it was an orphanage." Krampus leaped over the day care center fence like he was an Olympic Pole Vaulter. "Hello!" said a toddler. "Are you Santa Claus?" |
| Krampus says "I am Krampus, and each and one of you is my dinner." The toddler ran inside "Ms. Voschoff" It cried. "Ahh, fast food." Krampus says as he is about to run after it only to find himself frozen in place "Wha!?" He found himself in a middle of a glowing snowflake. "What magic is this?" "I knew you will be coming here, so we concocted a little surprise." Granny Perkins came out "It worked, The spell worked." Hilda comes out "Go inside and make sure the children say inside as I talk to Krampus." |
| "What?!" said Krampus, very surprised by the feisty old lady's ferocity. "Eat me! I weigh three times what you do." "Then it's a good thing I'm very hungry. I won't eat you all at once, you moron. I'll freeze most of you to have later in the week. I'll only cook one of your hams today. I'm having people over later." "I know you're a witch," Krampus said. "A good witch," said Granny Perkins, "and smile when you say it. Otherwise I might think you're hostile and kill you before you get a chance to say your last words." "I AM hostile, you senile old spellmaker! If I could get out of this snowflake I would tear you to shreds." |
| "Remind me to invite a wolf over then," said Granny Perkins. "Or maybe some cats, big ones. They like big meals, both canines and felines. The fact that you tried to harm children might make them all the hungrier. They don't mind disposing of evil doers, and it saves me on the clean-up afterwards." |
| The Ghoul was still not budging on anything, So Granny gave a silent signal by wiggling her right ear, and that signaled to Marvin who was ready with a katana that was so sharp and fine it could slice an atom in half and he stuck that sword up Krampus butt! "That's what you get for being so anal." Said Granny |
| "Ugh!" Sandy said. She and Keith had arrived just in time to witness the end of Krampus. "I wonder where he found that ratty old Santa Claus suit?" Keith asked. "Probably stole it off some drunk mall Santa," said Cupid. "I know the real Santa would never give away one of his outfits. He's donating them all to the Christmas Museum." "Maybe we can have a nice Christmas," Granny Perkins said, "now that Krampus is dead." "Grandma?" said Sandy . "You weren't really going to eat him, were you?" "Child, please! Can't you tell when someone is talking trash?" Otto broke into song... We wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas, We WISH you a Merry Christmas and a__ "Otto!" said Sandy. "Please, not now." And so the residents of Camptown went back to selecting trees and buying gifts and cooking fruitcake. It would be an ordinary Christmas after all... or would it? Early Wednesday morning an elf from Santa's Workshop staggered into town. "Disaster!" he muttered before collapsing in a heap on the sidewalk. |
| Bigby woke up, he had seen something awful...Because global warming Santa's toy factory fell into the ocean! |
| Cupid, Frederica, Sandy, Bigby, and the elf named Chilly, sat in Granny Perkins parlor. "Let me get this straight," Granny said. "Santa's toy factory has fallen into the sea?" "Yes!" said Chilly. "We knew the ice was melting, but we didn't realize how fast. We barely had time to evacuate the elves before the ice fractured and the factory collapsed into the ocean." "But how do you happen to be here in Camptown?" Chilly looked down with an embarrassed blush on his face. "I fell out of the sleigh." "The sleigh?" "Santa's sleigh. He was carrying some of us elves to Washington, DC, with him to help him plead his case before congress. We need a billion dollars fast to rebuild." "But Christmas is almost here," Granny said. "There wouldn't be enough time to build a new factory." Chilly laughed. "We have Frosty's hat! The one with magic in it." "Oh no!" Sandy said. "I have a feeling none of the Camptown kids will be getting anything from Santa this year. Sorry, Chilly. I appreciate your optimism, but I just don't think congress will give Santa a billion dollars." "We could make presents," Frederica said. "Yeah!" agreed Keith. "Think of how joyful and heartwarming this story would be if it was about all of us chipping in to make Christmas gifts for the kids instead of being about blood-sucking monsters!" Otto broke into song... There's a blood-sucking monster who lives down the lane; Why I don't move is impossible to explain; When the moon becomes full he takes wing to the sky And I know one of my friends will probably die. "Otto!" yelled Sandy. "Please stop singing." |
| In Washington D.C. as Santa pleads his case, a unknown figure leaves the White House grounds and heads to an office in the Pentagon where a man is observing readout from his computer, "Lt. Varatu. Santa is speaking to the president. His workshop[ ended up sinking into the sea." "Is that right?" says the Colonel, "HAHAHA! It works, I knew he'll launch my solar satellites. That presidential fool thinks they are all for communications when in reality he's melting the ice caps. It will soon be up to me to stop this and I'll soon be president. Think of it, President Nicholas S. Varatu. What do you think?" |
| The Man, Eugene said "I want pizza." "Is that all you ever think about?" Asked the Colonel "Pizza?" Meanwhile, Several Portal from different parts of Animals were opening up to different parts of Earth, they were masses of Animalia refugees, unable to recover after the reign of the Black Dragon Queen. One such refugee arrived in Washington DC his name was Archibald and he was a Woolly Mammoth, he looked at the freshly fallen snow and was happy |
| President Trump listened to Santa Claus's plea and said, "I'm sorry, Santa, but America cannot give you any money. We need that money to build more walls. And besides, you're a LOSER!" Feeling very sad, Santa got back in his sleigh. "Come on, Rudolph. Let's go to that town where Chilly fell out and see if he survived the fall." Sandy was very excited to see Santa land his sleigh in Granny Perkins backyard. "Santa! When I was a kid I wanted so much to see you and now, finally, I get to do it!" Chilly said, "Thanks for coming to look for me, Santa. How did it go in Washington?" "Terrible," Santa said. "President Trump wouldn't give me any money to rebuild the toy factory. I don't know how we're going to make enough toys to have Christmas this year." |
| Hilda says "You should've explained that this is for all the Children of the world, even President Trump shouldn't be that heartless." Meanwhile Lt. N.S. Varatu is overseeing his progress "So, Mr. President. You think Global Warming is a Hoax? When I'm done, your going to change your tune. My satellites are right now warming the planet as we speak, so the forecasts will be hot, unbearably hot. The price is your Presidency." Eugene says "Where's the pizza?" "Oh shut up." |
| Author's Note: It's December, shouldn't the avatar be Christmas now instead of Thanksgiving? Archibald the Mammoth in DC Heard this from his floppy ears and thought "Oy! I came all this way to get away from my hot sweltering other world...I can't let my species become nearly extinct again! I got to do something about this!" |
| But what? thought Archibald the Mammoth. I have no experience in politics or science or warfare. What can I do? Meanwhile, President Trump was making plans to open new hotels. Thanks to the possibility of global warming, the old seaside resorts would soon be under water. New ones must be built. In his headquarters Lt. N.S. Varatu is wondering why Trump will not give in to him. "Maybe he likes the idea of global warming?" suggested Eugene. "Impossible!" said Varatu. "He's just trying to pull one of his negotiation tricks on me. He'll wait until the last possible moment." Sandy, Santa, and Chilly were having a snack party. "More gingerbread men, please!" said Chilly. "Coming right up!" said Granny Perkins. "Who needs their cup of spiced tea refilled?" |
| Eugene looked at Varatu. "I think I have an idea as to why Trump won't listen to our demands." "Now, there's something about you thinking that's bad," said Varatu. "What's your idea?" "That Trump's an idiot." Varatu blinked, and his eyes all but popped out. "Now that's really bad. We'd best shut down those satellites, now!" "Why sir?" Eugene asked. "I did this to make a shitload of money, not destroy the planet," said Varatu. "How am I supposed to spend the money if the planet's underwater?" "That would be a problem," said Eugene. "Of course, you could laminate the money, that way you could use it underwater." Varatu groaned. "Sometimes I think you're more trouble than you are worth." |
| Lt. Varatu pulled out a computer tablet and opened the app to his satellite controls and pressed the shut down feature. "There, the satellites are shut down for now." Archibald felt the weather cooling off "Oh, that's better. Now to enjoy my trip." |
| (Author's Note: On a brisk trot around town I just saw a car accident so I feel I kind of have to put it in) Meanwhile Sandy decided to get lunch at Willie's Bar and Grill she ordered a Double Cheeseburger and Fries, after finishing her burger and starting on the fries, she needed to go to the bathroom, and you had to go to the laundromat next door to use the restroom. After doing her business, Sandy started to get back to Willie's but then she saw something, a black van crashing into a smaller white car! The White car skidded into the corner opposite the bar and grill 'I was on that corner a few minutes ago!' Sandy thought to herself |
| A shiver ran down her back as she realized she could have been killed. What a difference a few minutes can make! A wooly mammoth walked into the restaurant and ordered an extra large chocolate milkshake. Sandy was still so excited from seeing the car crash that she spoke to him without thinking. "Did you see that crash? Wasn't that something?" "Very surprising," Archibald said. "I'm glad no one was hurt." "You're a mammoth, aren't you?" Sandy said. "I thought they were extinct." "I'll admit there aren't very many of us left," Archibald said, "but I strongly deny being extinct." |
| (Author's note: Is there supposed to be a link that says Click here for Christmas?) Archibald says "That's alright." Bigby was just outside to inspect the reason for the accident, and finds a patch of ice. |
| "My, oh my!" Bigby said. "Jewels!" He looked around to make sure no one was looking, then slipped them into his pocket. He walked away whistling a little tune. It was going to be a good Christmas. Archibald finished his milkshake with a huge sucking sound. He noticed Sandy staring at him. "It's the trunk," he said. "It's great for milkshakes. Can I buy you one? I'm going to have another one." "You must really like milkshakes," Sandy said. The mammoth nodded agreement. "I practically live on them." |
| Sandy then got a massive headache and said "I wish I didn't have that milkshake!" Meanwhile Santa was sitting around eating cookies and drinking milk depressed |
| "Cheer up, Santa," said Chilly the elf. "Things will get better." "I don't see how," Santa said. "No toys for Christmas means a lot of unhappy kids." "I'll bet if they knew what happened they would forgive you. We should get on the internet and tell the world what happened to your toy factory." |
| "One problem is that many people believe that I'm just a myth," said Santa. "They might treat it as a scam." |
| Santa looked at himself "My Gods I've gotten fat." "You're supposed to be fat Santa." Said Chilly "I know but...More so then usual." Said Santa "I need some fresh ideas...Who was that guy who kidnapped me one year? Oh right...Jack Skellington...I'll ask him for some ideas." "Why the guy who kidnapped you?" Asked Chilly "He meant well." Said Santa "And I don't know who else to turn to." |
| Chilly twisted his face into a frown. "Yeah... but... that guy is evil, isn't he?" Santa shrugged. "I don't know about evil. That's a strong word. He definitely has a lot of dark in his personality. But you know what kind of holiday Halloween is." "Not really," Chilly said. "Elves are forbidden, especially happy elves." "But surely the Dark Elves are allowed to participate in Halloween?" Chilly shuddered. "Santa, please don't go there. You will make me remember all my childhood nightmares." "Did you dream a Dark Elf was coming to get you? Did you?" Santa poked Chilly each time he said, "Did you? Did you?" "Santa! Stop that!" |
| "Still, that Jack fella might be able to scare up some help or something," said Santa. |
| Chilly says "I remember that, for what I recall he turned Christmas into a horror show. At least he saved you from that Oogie Boogie. What makes you think that it will be different this time?" |
| "Because Jack also saved me the time Oogie Boogie tied me to the railroad tracks." Said Santa (That was in a video game, if people don't know) Meanwhile the recent immigrants from Animalia were having a council in Camptown there were 122 new immigrants from Animalia who had come to Earth. Heading the Council was Granny Perkins |
| "I guess you have all heard," said Granny Perkins, "about what happened to Santa Claus. His toy factory fell into the sea and now he is here in Camptown feeling very blue. I am proposing that we, in the spirit of Christmas, do what we can to help him out." "What can we doo, Grandma?" yelled a long-necked Giraffe. "Good question, Jerome," said Granny Perkins. "What we can do is make some toys! A lot of us have handicraft skills. I know where there is a barn we can use. We can turn it into a toy factory. What do you say, gang?" "Good idea!" yelled the giraffe. "Come on, fellas. Let's help Santa do his thing!" There was loud cheering and calls to get started right away. |
| As Santa made his way to Halloween Town he saw down below President Trump on a giant TV. "We got to do something about these talking animals invading our country!" Said Trump "And I have just the answer...Can you say...MacDonald's?" |
| "Tsk-tsk!" said Santa Claus. "That President Trump is STILL saying outrageous things and he already won the election." When Santa got to Halloween Town, Jack Skellington was nowhere to be found. Finally, a little ghost told Santa, "But Halloween is over, Santa. Jack always spends the winters in Miami where he has some rest and recreation before he starts working on the next year's Halloween." |
| "Nice to know, because I'm going to need his help if I'm going to save Christmas," said Santa. "Christmas? Why, that's a few weeks away!" the ghost exclaimed. |
| "My toy factory fell int the ocean and no one will give me the funds to replace it!" Santa said |
| "Really?" said the ghost. "That's awful. And you wanted Jack to help?" "That's what I was hoping," Santa said. "We make lots of toys here in Halloween Town," said the ghost. "You do? Can you help me out?" "Sure! But you should understand all our toys have a Halloween theme. You know: skeletons, jack-o-lanterns, jack in the boxes, zombie dolls, rubber snakes and spiders. There is quite a bit of stuff in the colors of orange and black." "Not very Christmassy," Santa said, "but beggars can't be choosey. I'll take whatever you can give me." |
| "I mean, if need be, the witches might be able to do red and white," said the ghost. |
| Meanwhile back in Camptown, Granny Perkins and the animals turned the barn into a makeshift toy factory. Even Frankenstein and Count Dracula offered to help. Granny Perkins "I'm glad you two are able to help us." Count Dracula says "No problem, we've been stuck here but we might as well make the best of it, when you told us Santa's workshop sunk into the sea, we felt sorry for the Children." |
| Meanwhile President Trump saw the Animals making toys, and did not care one bit for making toys, He wanted to send them all to the slaughter houses to try his new invention an Every-Meat Burger...Burger made with bits of every species on the planet |
| But the public would be too much against him. Even Fox News was saying, "Trump's plan to eat the humanimals is the worst idea he has had yet. We knew he was stupid, but is he also a cannibal?" Trump protested that eating animals was not cannibalism, but Megan Kelly insisted, "They are not animals! They are humanimals!" The humanimals worked night and day in Granny Perkins' barn to make toys. Santa made numerous trips to Halloween Town, each time bringing back a sleigh load of orange and black toys. The pile of toys was growing quite large. "This looks good," Santa said. "I'm thinking this might turn out to be a pretty good Christmas after all!" |
| Meanwhile, Bruce Campbell was watching the news. "That Trump is an idiot, and an asshole. I should know, lots of my characters are jerks and assholes." He then saw a quick clip about Camptown, it was one of those fluff pieces that lasted thirty seconds - something sent in by a random passerbyer. "Yeah, that might work. Bring in a news team, get a nice story, and plug in a mention for my next movie - Death on Wheels - paraplegic ax-murderer terrorizes his next victims with the sound of a squeaky wheelchair, and only a paraplegic cop can stop him." |
| Down in Miami, Jack Skellington was reading a text message from one of his ghosts about Santa's troubles and how Halloween Town was helping out. "What am I doing?" Jack said. "Lollygagging around here trying to tan my bones when I could be back in Halloween Town helping with the effort?" So he bought a ticket on the next jet out of Miami and texted the ghost: Meet me at the airport. I'm coming home! |
| In Halloweentown, Lock, Shock and Barrel are up to their old fiendish tricks. Even if they are no longer under the command of Oogie Boogie, they plan revenge against Jack Skelington for the death of their master. They heard Santa Claus is in the area "It seems Sandy Claws is back." Shock says. "Oh goodie," Barrel says "He too shall pay for what they did to Oogie Boogie, tell us Lock, what shall we do to them?" |
| In Camptown Santa Came back with Chilly Santa wiped his brow, Then all of a sudden he had a a shotgun in his face. "Human!" Shouted one Naked Mole Rat wearing a burka "You come with us!" "What are you talking about?" Asked Santa alarmed Santa had been captured by the Animalia Cultists The Banded Claw, a group of Animals who continued to believe in the ancient religion of the Pure Ones which demanded that all believers keep themselves hidden from head to toe and that all non-believers be killed, and that Humans be killed weather they be believers or not |
| "I'm Santa Claus, dammit!" said Santa. "I don't care if you're President Nixon come back from the grave," said the Naked Mole Rat. "You're coming with us or I'll blow your head off with this shotgun!" "Alright, ALRIGHT!" Santa said. "I'll come with you. President Nixon? That was an odd choice." "We just got through studying him in my Evil Leaders seminar." |
| At that moment, a car pulled up, and the driver stuck his head out the window. "Hey! Does one of you weirdos know the way to Camptown? My GPS isn't working right, and my map has a big hole in it." Santa's eyes bulged as he recognized the driver. "Bruce, I'll see to it that you get a brand-new chainsaw based off of the one you used in Army of Darkness if you save me from this crazy psychopath!" "Stay out of this!" The naked mole rat yelled, as he pointed the shotgun at the actor. "Shit!" Bruce yelled, as he ducked behind the door, only to pop back up with a .45 Longslide pistol. "Red! If you want to save your tub of lard from that nutso, you'd best move your fat ass." At this, Santa started running towards the car. "He could of used nicer language. Commenting about my weight! I'm down to 300lbs!" |
| The car slid sideways off the road. Bruce Campbell hopped out and couched by the car with .45 caliber Longslide pistol at the ready. "Stay in the car, Santa! I'll finish off this freakin rat!" Taking careful aim, Bruce squeezed off a shot. As the bullet exploded the Naked Mole Rat's head, the rat's last thought was No way he can hit me with a pistol from this distance. Bruce blew the smoke away from the barrel of his gun. "Good thing I carry two spare tires with me. Let's get this car moving again." |
| "You're fairly good shot," said Santa. "Well Red, I might be an actor, but every time I get a role where firearms are involved, I train with the weapons that the character is going to use," said Bruce. "After all, if I'm going to have to fake recoil, I have to make it look good, and it's hard to do that unless you know the amount of recoil you're supposed to receive. That and shooting guns is fun." "I guess so," said Santa. "Still, we might want to call the police. It isn't right to just leave a body laying around." "I just hope that I don't get any negative publicity from this," said Bruce. "I mean, I've killed people in movies and TV shows, mostly aliens and zombies, and bad guys, but this is real life." |
| (I don't Hertz cares about this story anymore) The other members of The Banded Claw gathered round Santa and Bruce ready to kill them, when they heard a blood curdling roar! Jack jumped into the fray and scared them all off "Well that was thrilling." Said Jack |
| "Thanks!" said Bruce. "You're Jack Skellington, aren't you? Heard all about you. I guess you know me from my movies." "Movies?" said Jack. "I don't watch movies." "Oh. Well do you ever change tires? Because we could use some help here." |
| "Seriously Jack, you've got to watch my movies," said Bruce. "A scary fella like you would enjoy them." "I'm short on a television," said Jack. "You don't even need those anymore," said Bruce. "You can use your cellphone." |
| Santa says "Bruce, you can discuss your filmography to Jack later. Let's get the tires changed and help me prepare for my delivery for next week." |
| The Mammoth Archibald saw what was happening and shields the tire changers from the cultists, he even swatted as few with his trunk and tusks |
| After the Naked Mole Rat got killed, the leadership of the Banded Claw was transferred to Trickula, a vampire bat who was also a semiprofessional magician. "Listen up, guys," said Trickula. "We're not going to be able to do much against that mammoth. His skin is thick, his tusks are sharp, he is very hairy, and his DNA is older than dirt." "What are you suggesting?" hissed a copperhead snake. "That we give up?" "Of course not!" said Trickula. "The Banded Claw is not a bunch of quitters. I'm just saying we need a new strategy." |
| "If we really want to scare these guys off, I've got dynamite in the trunk of my car," said Bruce. "Why do you carry explosives?" Santa asked. "Just in case the Special Effects and Demolitions Experts run a little short," said Bruce. "I only have ten sticks though, otherwise I'd be breaking a couple of laws." "Do you have a licence?" Santa asked. "Yeah," said Bruce. "I just don't have one that says I can have more than ten sticks." |
| Archibald turned to the Guys "Are you done changing the tire?" "Yeah." Said Santa "We're good." |
| "Then I suggest you be on your way," said Archibald. "I grow weary of single-handedly battling the Banded Claw and if this goes on much longer they may discover my weakness and overpower me." "What's your weakness?" asked Santa. "Oh, please! Like I just tell anybody who asks me?!" "Sorry. OK, we're leaving then. Thanks for your help." Santa and friends continued on their journey to Camptown in Bruce Campbell's car. |
| "Oh shit," Exclaimed Trickula, "They/re getting away!" "Don't worry leader," said a wolverine, "Our eye in the sky, Ronald is following them at a safe height and distance." Trickula says "Our loyal raven, just make sure he doesn't loose them." |
| Santa looked inside the car. "You seem to have quite a collection of weapons, Bruce." "They're all legal, I assure you of that," said Bruce. "I have all the licenses I need." Santa picked one up. "A saw-off double-barrel shotgun? I'm sure this one is illegal." "Actually, the barrel on that is 19 inches in length, which makes it legal, and it was done by a licensed professional," said Bruce. "And further more, it's not loaded, although the box of shells are in the glovebox." |
| "I have a few weapons of my own." Jack said He reached in his pocket and out the car window threw a handful of dust. The dust became a mass of flying chattering skulls |
| "Impressive," Bruce said. "What do they do? Keep chattering until your enemy is so annoyed he runs away?" "Don't mock me!" Jack said. "That's only one example of my weaponry and yes, sometimes chattering skulls are exactly the weapon you need." "I prefer a chainsaw," said Bruce. "What's the deal with that raven?" Santa asked, pointing at the sky. "What do you mean?" "I could swear he's following us." |
| "Well, as long as it isn't Sunday, and as long as we aren't in a vehicle, we could get out of the car, get off the road, and shoot it," said Bruce. |
| Back at the barn, Grandma Perkins sees what is happening, "Santa and Jack are coming with help, but that Raven is with the Banded Claw." Sandy asks "Who are the Banded Claw?" Perkins responded "A group who's purpose is to spread the Dragon Queen's message sense she fell. That raven is their eye in the sky." Helga says "Shell we blind it?" Granny says "I have just the spell." Then she made an incantation, "To help our allies who's in a jam of log, cover their escape in a blanket of fog." Just then a, fogbank comes up between Bruce's car and Ronald's P.O.V. "Where did this fog come from?" asked Bruce. Santa says "Just gun it, it's helping us escape." |
| Jack was delighted by the fog but Santa was thinking back to when he first needed Rudolph. "The Banded Claw Members eventually found Archibald's one weakness...His butt |
| Finally Bruce saw the Welcome To Camptown! sign and said, "We're here!" "What?" said Rudolph. He had dozed off - long day. Granny Perkins was glad to see them. "Come on in and rest your feet! I've got an apple pie fresh from the oven and all the coffee you can drink!" Chilly the elf was there and shook Jack Skellington's hand. "Thanks for all the toys that Halloween Town has been sending us. It's a big help for us elves at this stressful time." "Glad to do it!" Jack said. "Who knows? Maybe one day I will need elves to help make jack-o-lanterns and rubber spiders." |
| "Well, things are different from the last time I was here," said Bruce. "What's with all the toys?" "My workshop fell into the ocean, and these guys have been helping me out," said Santa. "You mean you built your workshop on the edge of a cliff, and a landslide sent it into the ocean?" "Actually, I built it at the North Pole, and the ice melted," said Santa. "Wait, are you saying that you're the Real Santa?" Bruce asked. "Who did you think he was?" Jack asked. "I thought that he was someone hired for a publicity gimmick," said Bruce. "Either to be a Mall Santa or warn people about the dangers of Global Warming." Jack looked at Santa. "He didn't think that you were the real deal." "He helped me out in a time of need," said Santa. "I'm willing to overlook it." |
| Meanwhile, Trickula was yelling at Ronald "You idiot! How could you loose them?!" Ronald says "It wasn't my fault, I had them in sight until this fog suddenly appeared. It only appeared for a minute as soon as the fog lifted, the humans are nowhere in sight." Trickula is soon peeved "We must find them, that one human shall pay for killing Nudiecutie. And the punishment is death." |
| As the Banded Claw prepared their next attack Santa was ready for some sleep, he was exhausted |
| Fortunately, Santa Claus had brought his pajamas with him, big thick red ones with built in feet and a flap in the back. Granny Perkins gave him one of her handmade quilts to cover himself. The bed was an old fashioned iron frame bed with a big thick down mattress on it. "I'll sleep forever in this warm bed, Granny. Be sure to wake me in the morning." "I'll do it, Santa," said Granny Perkins, then she went to the parlor to serve hot spiced apple cider and gingerbread cookies to the few elves and friends who were still up. Jack Skellington was there, of course, because night time was his time to be most active. "Tell us a Halloween story," said Chilly. Jack said, "I don't know. My stories are pretty gruesome. I'm not sure you elves can handle it." "Yes we can!" chorused the elves. "Tell us a story!" |
| "If you need any help, here's the scripts from my movies," said Bruce. Jack looked at the actor. "Hey, you never know when you need to borrow a line or two." |
| As the Banded Claw Members made their way towards Camptown they started feeling strange "I feel cold."Said one "It is merely getting dark" Said Trickula "Keep moving." "I mean I feel really REALLY cold." Said the Snake "Like I'm going to freeze to death!" Thatwas when Trickula's nose caught a scent a scent that sent shivers down her spine. "It...It can't be!" Trickula exclaimed |
| Meanwhile, Jack had gathered the elves around in a circle and dimmed the lights. "It was late one night," Jack began "a night very much like this one and three little elves were huddled around a campfire." "I'm scared!" said one of the elves listening to Jack. "For Pete's sake!" Jack said. "I've barely started. At least wait until the scary part to get scared." "It gets even more scary?" said the elf, fear written all over his face. Granny Perkins came into the room and pointed at the elf. "Come along with me now. I think it's your bedtime." |
| "So Jacko, what is the story?" Bruce asked. "I hope you don't plan on stealing it," said Jack. "Why would I want to do that?" Bruce asked. |
| "Because I know how you B-list Hollywood people are. You copy, steal, rip off, and plagiarize." Bruce put his hands up. "Whoa! No need to say so many nice things about me." "Don't take it personally," said Jack Skellington. |
| "Say, are you sure you're not mistaking me for my 'My Name is Bruce' counterpart?" Bruce asked. "I'll tell you this, I'm nothing like that guy." |
| The Banded Claw meanwhile was stuck in a freezing fog unable to move, then they heard a roar. "No!" Said Trickula "It can't be!" "IT IS!" Shrieked the other Banded Claw member "It's the Ice Dragon!" |
| "Death to the Banded Claw!" shrieked the Ice Dragon as it moved in for the kill. Over at Granny Perkin's place, Chilly looked up from his cookies and milk. "Do you hear screaming?" "I's only the wind," said Granny. With the help of Bruce and the Halloween Town folk and all the elves, the pile of toys grew and grew until on Christmas Eve Santa could say, "By Jove, I think we've done it! Rudolph! Get the reindeer together! We launch at dusk!" Granny and Bruce and Sandy and Jack and the elves stood in the yard waving as the heavily loaded sleigh lifted ponderously from the ground. "On Dancer! On Prancer! On Donner and Blitzen!" snapped Santa. Just before he vanished into the darkening sky, he called back to the folks in Granny's yard: "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!" The End! |
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