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Its a rant. |
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She Listened to the answering machine.............. and the LONGGGGG drawnnn out message....... IM not interested... Bitch..!Pausee...Rewind.....Static.....now goo.. Thats what angry Obsessed Person might say.... To A person who has absolutely burnt a candle at every end... AND is stilling being fed upon.. as WE SPEAK>... Sooo... Im gonna assume that whatever has happened had to happen... I appreciate not having a cell phone this summer because The more I heard or not heard at certain points the more I could feel small parts of myself slowly start to erode away. Like rotting, maybe even desintegrating away.. Now If your not complementing today, then your offending. If YOUR not with me. well then YOur Just There...OR even worse...non existent... Period.. I could nt learn myself. , Let everyone steal My co-writers ideas. Which its not about plagarism.ITS ABOUT RELEVANCY.I CAN NOT TELL HOW it feels to be. Ive got to make a fuckin phone call. SO im going to run in someone who has a cell phone. sure enough 2 seconds later a cell phone walks in... almost instantaneously. YOu say YOur hurting. YOU say you wanna let me go... So WHILE i was sitting there tearing my consciousness apart so that you could sit there and stare a me with that what the fuck are you doing look in your eyes ... SHe was having fun... Or for all the times . YOu might have felt turned down for all the sex you thought I might through Your way.... I was not the only piece of ass you could've been fucking... I was not the Only piece of ass you will ever have in your entire life. I was the only one with something that maybe gave you a glimmer of hope or excitement. NO... SHe was rogue pretending to be you...But M , I Think were on to something.... IM gonna give you a few days to lay On the Beach.. No.. I mean the real beach.. ANd Soak up a lil He s really sweet because He provides a plat form the stages of Life... YOur One step closer to becoming what you've always been.. I was The multiplex object of many LIONs desire. ANd SO YOu'd been placed in the same position ... YOU may fuck every man you meet on the first offer. I m not there for you.. Run a muck with all the time even though I was there.. alll the time. .. . I WAS THERE TO TEACH YOU HOW TO BE fun friend...One of your main ingredients prepetually keeping us from ever building into any more than just a quick hello... I was there to fertilize your INspirations so they would grow into something everlasting.... I Was not there to teach you or tell you what to like... I f I wasnt YOur cup of tea then .. I m perfectly okay with that. YOU CANT WIN EM ALL..... NO matter how hard you try...... When its those missing pieces of relevancy That gave you a Glimmer of hope that you Be able find a way through the strange dryness of life.. YOU AND I>> THEre must ve have been some misunderstandings that have been swept under the rug. WELL THERE YOU GO . THATs WHAT YOU GET FOR WAKING UP IN VEGAS.... To bring this dream to fruition.. and YOU think/ She THOUGHT she paid for the shit I she'd GONE THROUGH. YES ITS JUST ABOUT EVEN STEVEN. YOUR Not looking Closely enough.. I ll give you a hint. .. This WILL AN EQUIVALENT TO MANY SOME of the MOney YOu feel I may.. owe.. you. BECAUSE NOTHING IS FREE. ANd my ideas and recipes and inspirations and feelings They are most certainly no longer for free... We've reached the Bonus round Double Jeopardy- Ready for the daily double... As far Im concerned... I Mean..> SOme one is listening to me. when I dont even know... I hate the idea that I have NO FUCKIN privacy!!BUT welcome to the 21st century WHERE PEOPLE you dont even care have access your private DOCUMENTs. Subliminal tendencies....NOw you see something familiar it should give comfort. .. I mean... not necessarily.... Something that becomes to familiar even. Start to root itself insidiously.... . NOt even my thoughts seem private.. Now that just DOwn right rude.... I.. AND you even more disconcerting is fact you obviously CAN BE JUST AS IGNORANT AS I AM ABOUT CERTAIN. NOW WERE ALL THE SAME SQUARE PEG. I Didnt ask for my responsibilities.IT TIME> AND TREMENDOUS SACRIFICE. for what I ve been through. I Had A lot emotion. stories. personal secrets discoveries. and tributes THAT YOu had NO FUCK IN CLUE ABOUT> LETTer s . VIDEO S AND EXperiences that cannot be replaced. RECKLESSNESS Is the price to pay... BUT BY NO ARE SO WE CAN BEGIN TO DISCUSS WHAT IS RIGHTFULLY MINE! AND WHAT IS RIGHTFULLY YOURS. YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT. ANything can and will be used against if THERE absolute silence. know who The fuck is in Air. WHo the fuck is hijacking or Putting imposters in to distract and move me further away what is right WHO WHO.I can begin to get more discriptive..I It was as if someone was speaking on my be half .. and taking my information and spreading it around . which i dont mind.. because obviously it has to be used and presented in some type of constructive. manner... Sooo..Or was it that she was connected to soooomany other people without even knowing it. Now I wonder. I put all of those needs for love into blender and fed them too you... You still may never understand how it all these pieces are compartmentalized. Now my best friends YOU and yes YOu who have been with me The throughout the duration of my experiences... Should already know, certain . BUT That s okay<>Because apparently I had stolen a heart or too. But The CONSTITUECIES and circumstances in my life. would Not permit me to any thing really reliable right Now . Unless you planned on giving it all too me... Which as far as CONCERNED WOULD HAVE BEEN a tremendous diservice to the both us.. SO while you never got me to give you all that you ever wanted well trust me WE both landed in the same fucking boat. BUT theres a difference.. I had always incited you to dream and think beyond your circumstances. with inginuoity. I always Encouraged you to expl0re your own interests and although I may HAVE BEEN LONELY> YOU WERE AT LEAST THERE To APPRECIATE YOUR OWN JOURNEY AS MUCH AS MINE.And we always HAVE HAD plenty of food for thought. AS far as im concerned ...WE were just having a fun. OR at least trying too.. The line is sooo BLURRED FOR Us at Times and ITS NOT MY FAULT . NO Im SORRY Not even I COuld take credit for that SHIT.! SOoo... Its not really AN issue of beiing completely heartless it s really an issue of RESPECT For things and maybe a need to just be Unbridled..To Be.... WILLINGNESS TO SEE YOUR OWN VISION THROUGH WHICH NOw forward,,, I was still just as much in the problem and no closer it seemed to any long term solution.... But thats okay. YOu try one thing. You have try other things, in life as well. ... YOU CANT EXpect a New answer sitting in the same cell all the time. I just wish You stayed in a while longer... Then YOur heart would be able to withstand Real tragedy.,.. The Tragedy of Never really being able to Apply All The bread crumbs All the gold that has been left for you ALong the way. YOUR MONEY> YOUR MONEY IS SHYT....Sorrry.. In the eyes her child She picks up your money looks at IS Completely fuckin unsure what to do with it. I mean it might as well be toilet paper.... But you know I like to be fully stocked./.. But YOur fragile Just as I am skinny.. . ... Your Unwilling Just as I am stubborn... Your UNinspired just as I am Frustrated.. You Lack Vision To All the problems of your WORLD BECAUSE your just way too Fuckin comfortable... AND your okay with that.AND you Love me because ALL I EVER STRIVE TO DO Was to want you to Have more for yourself... Why because she sees the shattered pieces of that Sad little window... And she knows You HAd somehow become STUCK IN TRANSLation..Primarily because You ve boarded up that window or tried gluing those pieces back together only to have it reshattered again and again. Or CRawled through by Some (Fuckin Hamburglar stealing expired meats. out your freezer.). You cant describe .witH no name or fuckin face.. Or a HAMburglar imposter. which is even worse.. NO Not lost but Stuckkkkkkk. like chuck. AT A LOSS FOR WORDS >NO LONGER TO MOVE IT FOR WARD. Sooooo........She stood by the fact that THat this was a part of some inherent nature.. or least A portion of it.. AND she OKAY WITH THAT>.....>You on the other still love me... Or so you say... Well if you Really love me.. But I question how familiar you really are with your own terminology...? but The Universal language Of that over used cliche somehow missed me along the way...Or I just grabbed the short bus headed to hell with with the Rest of favorite VHS tapes and cds..... Im like whatever. ... YOU needed it all right away.. well maybe when i get a NEW cell phone and my other funds come in we can look towards a much brighter connection together. WE WANT EVERYTHING ALWAYS ALL AT ONCE> AND Ive taken the time to sit here and fill you in far past anything.... I always suit and show up..... And as for the people who will never be satisfied and were not satisfied with me there or were indifferent. BAR NONE YOUR ODDS Were against you from the start... But if your smart your able to put aside for a minute the ever growing needs of your heart and Begin to allow yourself to be OPEN TO THE UNPREDICATABLE.... No thats not gonna heal your aching heart or my aching heart. But My God it may be all you have When you must learn your Smarter than that. wiser than that. In LIFE You must make sacrifices. worthy sacrifices to balance out other areas.... My heart is mess. But not something that is ever hopeless. I mean after all You helped me make it..... Eye To Eye > well U See eye to EYE. and WHoever the losers are??? the People WHo have no patience for a Truth.That may one day have the power to continue to equalize ..And I was willing to be... ANd at this point neither do I so No harm No foul.. By wed s day you'll.. see. that I have found some other way to reach my goals while still being able to help you ... from a distance..l Hope that you continue to See.she has an irresistable.. |
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