*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/forums.php/message_id/3060474
Printer Friendly Page Tell A Friend
(683)
Rated: 13+ · Message Forum · Writing.Com · #100931
A message forum for general discussion. Please come and chat with others!
<< Previous  •  Message List  •  Next >>
Reply  •  Post New
Jan 19, 2017 at 2:02pm
#3060474
Need help with show, don't tell
by Past Member 'glynisj'
*Dollar* 200 GPs were sent to Writing.Com Support with this post.
I'm working on my first revision. Boy, what a mess. Below is a paragraph that is backstory. I know it's all telling, and no showing. I need ideas on how to change this. Is there anyone willing to try?

         Eddy had met Carol at the race track in Crossville when he was twenty and she was barely sixteen. Before four months had passed, Carol was pregnant with Jolene. He knew he had to marry her eventually, so he quit the job he had in his hometown, Grimsley, and started working at the lumber mill in Pikeville. His father wasn’t happy with the arrangement. It was nearly a three-hour drive from Grimsley south to Pikeville. Mr. Bowen wasn’t about to go down there just to see his son. The relationship between the two men shriveled to greeting cards at Christmas time. Four months into the pregnancy, Eddy had found the house they had been living in ever since.



~ Glynis
MESSAGE THREAD
*Star*
Need help with show, don't tell · 01-19-17 2:02pm
by Past Member 'glynisj'
Re: Need help with show, don't tell · 01-19-17 3:19pm
by KenF
Re: Re: Need help with show, don't tell · 01-27-17 11:01am
by Past Member 'glynisj'
Re: Need help with show, don't tell · 01-19-17 5:24pm
by Eric the Fred
Re: Re: Need help with show, don't tell · 01-27-17 11:08am
by Past Member 'glynisj'
Re: Need help with show, don't tell · 01-19-17 5:52pm
by Past Member 'northernwrites'
Re: Re: Need help with show, don't tell · 01-19-17 6:05pm
by A Non-Existent User
Re: Re: Re: Need help with show, don't tell · 01-20-17 10:08am
by KenF
Re: Re: Need help with show, don't tell · 01-27-17 11:12am
by Past Member 'glynisj'
Re: Re: Re: Need help with show, don't tell · 01-27-17 12:02pm
by KenF
Re: Re: Re: Re: Need help with show, don't tell · 01-29-17 7:27am
by Past Member 'glynisj'

The following section applies to this forum item as a whole, not this individual post.
Any feedback sent through it will go to the forum's owner, Writing.Com Support.
Log in to Leave Feedback
Username:
Password: <Show>
Not a Member?
Signup right now, for free!
All accounts include:
*Bullet* FREE Email @Writing.Com!
*Bullet* FREE Portfolio Services!
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/forums.php/message_id/3060474