Writing.Com General Discussion

I'm in the middle of other work, so I can't give you a paragraph, so instead, here's a strategy.


Here's the cursory facts:
I assume the story is about Eddy, Carol, and Eddy's dad Mr. Bowen.
Eddy got Carol pregnant and took a different job far away.

You just core dumped and that's what I got out of it that is likely important.

Imagine instead, telling me how Eddy pulled up to his mailbox before pulling into his driveway. Bills, junk mail, and the annual christmas card from Dad because he was too lazy to make the three hour drive to see them. Ever since Eddy got Carol knocked up, the new family life, taking a job at the lumbermill really put a strain on their relationship.

Now I got some flavor because you showed me Eddy being tired from working at the mill. And the reasons for the strain on the father/son relationship. And the nature of how the family got started.

BTW, isn't 20 to 16 an illegal combination? 17 is age of consent in my state.