Fortunately/Unfortunately

Unfortunately the DA still had Larson E Shyster's lawsuits to deal with. It wasn't that Larson E was a bad lawyer, which he was, it was his prolific nature combined with his ineptitude that rankled the DA. (Dad )

Fortunately, little thought or concern was given to the DA's rankle. Since it was accepted his little mind became distressed over the littlest of things. (Bobby Lou Stevenson )

Unfortunately, this didn't stop the DA from getting upset and starting a barroom brawl. (Grandma Penguin needs help )

Fortunately, the only damage done in the brawl was Settlemeyer's hair was messing, and his opponent Billy Bob (Red) Neckerson's truck suffered$15 damag (Dad )

Unfortunately, the DA was unable to sneak out of the bar without causing Sellemeyer and Billy Bob to become incensed. They jointly grabbed the DA, removed his pants and forced him to do an impromptu dance on the bar. (☮ The Grum Of Grums )

Fortunately, he danced Swan Lake so well, intrepid entertainment reporter Nell Gipson gave the DA a glowing review in the next morning's edition of the Daily Blab. She even suggested a stage name:. Buddy WaWa (Dad )

Unfortunately, this upset rapper WaWa Buddy., who threatened legal action against Tchaikovsky for allowing Swan Lake to be used to twist his name. When told that Tchaikovsky was long dead, WaWa Buddy burst into tears. (☮ The Grum Of Grums )

Fortunately, WaWa Buddy had never went in public before. The rapping public was used to the macho man image WaWa projected. The burst of tears served to humanize him, and doubled his fan base, increasing it by dozens. (Dad )

Unfortunately, the fan base was entirely made up of broke teenagers and WaWa Buddy soon went bankrupt. (Grandma Penguin needs help )

Fortunately, he consulted his local fortune teller, Madame Zuzu, who told him he would bump into a tall dark rich beautiful lady and his troubles would all be over. (deemac )

Unfortunately, the TDRB lady was married to Carmine Calzone, the most notorious hit man in the Mafia. Not only were his troubles over, so was his life. His fan base, all 36 of them, were devastated. (Dad )

Fortunately, WaWaBuddy’s 36 fans rapidly became vastated, when a visit from WaWaB attended a fan meet, which resulted in 20 more fans. This left 56 (yes, I can do simple arithmetic) fans who clamoured for WaWaBuddy’s attention. (☮ The Grum Of Grums )

Unfortunately, one of the 20 new "fans" was Carmine Calzone in disguise. WaWaB's days were numbered, and the number was 1. (Dad )

Fortunately, he had just enough time left to get a refund from Madame Zuzu on grounds of professional incompetence. (deemac )

Unfortunately, he "died a natural death," natural in that getting shot multiple times by an AK47 naturally makes the heart stop beating, before he could spend his $2.97 refund (Dad )

Fortunately, the $2.97 in question was invested in a four horse accumulator st astronomical odds which returned $12,970.00 to WaWa’s estate. This, inturn,was invested in the Blue Pagoda night club, in which, Carmine Calzone had a major interest. (☮ The Grum Of Grums )

Unfortunately, Carmine's main partners in The Blue Pagoda were Alphonse "Meatball" Spaghetti and Tsyoshi "Knuckles" Aoki, both "well-connected" entrepreneurs. What they lacked in tact, subtlety, and skill they made up for in volume, ferocity and rapacity. (Dad )

Fortunately, when Carmine decided to repaint the Blue Pagoda in a strong shade of um, carmine, his two partners reluctantly agreed, but only on condition that the restaurant served Meatballs and Pork Knuckles. (deemac )

Unfortunately, both “Knuckles” and “Meatball “ were, shall we say, somewhat limited in the brains department. So they started advertising Pork Balls and Meat Knuckles. Not quite what Carmine expected. (☮ The Grum Of Grums )

Fortunately, Pork Balls, while not what the dining public expected, became quite popular. More popular even than a McDonald's Quarter Pounder with Cheese, a large order of Arby's curly fries, & a Dairy Queen peanut butter sundae, combined. (Dad )

Unfortunately, the now famous Pork Balls could not compete with old fashioned fish & chips, wrapped in newspaper and eaten on the go. Davy Jones; Chish and Fippery did a roaring trade. (☮ The Grum Of Grums )

Fortunately, the once-famous but now down-at-heel actor, John Newton-Olivia, was chewing his last chip and screwing up the greasy newspaper wrap when he spied an Ad for out-of-work actors to apply as extras for a remake of 'Grease'. He grabbed his phone. (deemac )

Unfortunately, John Newton-Olivia's fingers were still greasy. His cell phone slipped out of his hand, flew across the room and beaned Jilly Bean, a popular night club performer currently appearing at the Blue Pagoda, damaging her voice. (Dad )

Fortunately, Ms. Bean’s damaged voice was a blessing to the ears of the world. Her once melodic bullfrog sounding voice was replaced with the sound of whispering songbirds. (Bobby Lou Stevenson )

Unfortunately, a disgruntled (or should that be discroakled?) bunch of cowfrogs picketed The Blue Pagoda carrying 'Give us back our sexy Beanfrog or else' placards. (deemac )

Fortunately, Jilly Bean discovered that, while her voice was more pleasing to the majority, she still had the ability to sound like a bullfrog. This increased her popularity (Dad )

Unfortunately, due to her increased popularity the paparazzi were driving her loco. She decided to move to Nunavut to learn the ancient art of Inuit throat singing. (Petra Pansky )

Fortunately for everyone within hearing range (which admittedly isn't a lotta folk in Nunavut) she got a bullfrog stuck in her throat. (deemac )

Unfortunately, the frog in Jilly Bean's throat was a better singer. His version of "How Much is that Froggy in the Window" topped the Nunavut Top 40. (Dad )

Fortunately since there were only 17 hits on the Nunavut Top 40, Philip Thee Frog (no relation to Kermit) received a plethora of royalties from all the repeated air play, which he used to find his long lost cousin Jeremiah. (Petra Pansky )

Unfortunately, he discovered that Jeremiah had moved to the other side of the Pond. He had only done short hops before, so the long haul took too much out of him and halfway over, he croaked. (deemac )

Fortunately, this solved the age-old question, why didn't the frog cross the pond. That left 2 age-old questions:. Why did the chicken cross the road, & why don't you cross a Mafia don about anything? (Dad )

Unfortunately we may never know the answer to one of those age old questions, but let's take a moment to reflect on our sponsors point of view and see if some light can't be shed on the other age old question. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JjHYcd8B-50 (Petra Pansky )

Fortunately, no one cares what little Hallie drinks. (Bobby Lou Stevenson )

Unfortunately, there is more. Addressing those who imbibe fizzy drinks: Coke, Pepsi, or whatever makes no difference. They are all poison. Meanwhile, the Denver Stage just left town with a very mysterious passenger aboard. (Glass )

Fortunately, Mysterious Stranger took all the noxious, life-threatening drinks with her. (Dad )

Unfortunately the stagecoach driver nicked a bottle of the noxious fizz and keeled over just before reaching Las Vegas. (Petra Pansky )

Fortunately, it was soon discovered that Dad, made a mistake in identifying the mysterious passenger as a mysterious stranger and too, when last checked, "she" was a "he". Moving right along... (Bobby Lou Stevenson )

Unfortunately, the Mysterious Passenger was more mysterious than even Bobby Lou thought. For example, the gender fluid passenger identified as "they." (Dad )

Fortunately, Dad was correct in his assessment of the mysterious fluid passenger. Turns out they was a mermaid (merthey? merdweller?) (Petra Pansky )

Unfortunately, our gender fluid mysterious passenger merbeing was in a bad situation, as most merfolk would be in the Nevada desert. Besides that, her seatmate on the stage was a pansexual person named Gail Pat Fox who had a merfolk fetish. (Dad )

Fortunately Gail Pat was also a practical person. They pulled out a cell phone to request a new driver immediately, if not sooner. Destination: The Venetian Resort hotel. (Petra Pansky )

Unfortunately, the new driver was blonde & completely misunderstood his instructions. What? You thought all blondes were female. Well, the driver was blonde, stupid, male, and headed for the Venetian Resort. 8n Venice, Italy (Dad )

Fortunately, the annual Grand Canal Gondola Derby was just getting underway, so Big Blondie hired a team of sea horses to pull the stage and off they went. (deemac )

Unfortunately, seahorses are only about 2 inches tall, and are not very powerful. Try as they might, the team of 8 seahorses Big Blondie hired were not able to budged the stage. So they went to the coral and had beer while BB's men had whiskey. (Dad )

Fortunately Flipper was imbibing a South Seas Shimmy at The Coral. He volunteered his services along with: 3 beluga whales, 2 hammer head sharks, a sawfish, and a bioluminescent jellyfish known as Rudolph. (Petra Pansky )

Unfortunately, the Shimmy left Flipper a brain cell short of a bunch. His plan to hitch the 3 whales to the shafts was too much for the woodwork and the stage disintegrated. Now the hammerheads & sawfish started on repairs and they had a light to see by. (deemac )

Fortunately, the hammerheads and the sawfish worked late into the night. In fact, they made the stage even better than it originally was! It included rich Corinthian leather seats, restrooms, & a parquet dance floor with a bandstand for Saturday nights. (Dad )

Unfortunately, the refurbished coach was not enough to prevent Hallie Butt (the previously mysterious merbeing) from contracting a severe case of "Hardfiskur" shrivel. (Petra Pansky )

Fortunately, a brisk rub of Hallie Butt oil did the trick and they were soon on their way again. Precisely where to, and exactly why, will shortly be revealed by our next ingenious poster. Whip crack away! (deemac )

Unfortunately, before the destination could be revealed, they had to stop at McEarl's, a fast fish food place. Each of the sharks wanted fish burgers and regular fries. The whales wanted a Big Shrimp and fries. The sawfish wanted a Filet O Beef & fries (Dad )

Fortunately, after their leisurely meal, everyone agreed their revised objective was the enchanting city of Dubai. They had a hankering to visit the dazzeling Underwater Zoo, and experience the thrill of sandboarding on desert dunes! (Petra Pansky )

Unfortunately, the Zoo shrimps petitioned to bar the sharks and whales from the Zoo and the sandboards had a notice saying No Carpenters or Sawfish Allowed so our friends decided it was time for the parting of the ways (deemac )

Fortunately, while the whales and the hammerheads and Hallie Butt swam off in different directions, Big Blondie decided he was Jewish, reasoned that Jerusalem was in the Mid East and figured he take a nice leisurely stroll over to see where Jesus was born (Dad )

Unfortunately, as he walked and walked and walked, he found himself all the way in North Korea and got gobbled up by Kim Jung Un. (deemac )

Fortunately, being gobbled UP is better than being gobbled DOWN. (THANKFUL SONALI 17 WDC YEARS! )

Unfortunately, the one being gobbled up, may be unsettling to the gobbler's stomach. (ElizabethHayes-DaughterofIAM )

Fortunately, Kim Jong-Un heard about it and promptly marched Kim Jung Un to the South Korean border, knocked on their door and hastily ran away before they saw him! (Petra Pansky )

Unfortunately, the fat fu...oops,sorry. Unfortunately, the fat dictator was only able to run ten yards before he suffered pulled hamstrings in both legs. (Bobby Lou Stevenson )

Fortunately, the fat fu...oops,sorry, the fat dictator just knew his heroes, John Wayne and Elvis Presley, would be along any time now and rescue him. They'd let him down before, being dead, but he knew this time would be different! (Dad )

Unfortunately, they were going to let him down again. They were expelled from Angel Class for shooting spit balls and thus were busy serving their penance. (Petra Pansky )

Fortunately, their penance was to be served on earth, specifically in Korea. (Dad )

Unfortunately, letting DOWN was worse than letting UP. (THANKFUL SONALI 17 WDC YEARS! )

Fortunately, John & Elvis were geographically challenged and ended up atop Angel Falls in Venezuela. (Petra Pansky )

Unfortunately, they were seen there. (THANKFUL SONALI 17 WDC YEARS! )

Fortunately, no one recognized them. (Dad )

Unfortunately, the ghost of Old Shep was padding by and stopped to pee on Elvis's blue suede shoes. (deemac )

Fortunately, blue suede shoes are naturally pee-repellant due to their inherent characteristics of blueness and suedity. (THANKFUL SONALI 17 WDC YEARS! )

Unfortunately, just as Elvis was breathing a sigh of relief at the pee-repellence of his blue suede shoes, John Wayne's horse stepped on them. (deemac )

Fortunately, Big Blondie didn't recognize John Wayne. Why is this fortunate? Simply because had he recognized The Duke, he might not have...er,ah, *ahem* "explained" to John Wayne's horse that it is "unkind", or perhaps "rude" to step on blue suede shoes (Dad )

Unfortunately, when translated into the neigh-neigh language that horses understand, the words 'unkind' and 'perhaps rude' have a completely different meaning. (THANKFUL SONALI 17 WDC YEARS! )

it didn't matter in the end. The horses ran away. The pond dried up and the village was abandoned. (Aennaytte: Free & Wild in GoT )

Unfortunately, when horses run away, it is very difficult to catch them as they run really fast. (THANKFUL SONALI 17 WDC YEARS! )

Fortunately, that’s a thumbs up for the horses. (Bobby Lou Stevenson )

Unfortunately, Girth Blinkers, the jockey on the leading horse, fell off into a ditch and had to be admitted to hospital with his right thumb stuck up his nose. (deemac )

Fortunately, Dr. Thomas "Thumbs" Fingers, an ear nose throat and hand specialist, was on rotation at the hospital and was (giggle) on hand to examine Girth Blinkers. After an extensive exam, Dr. Fingers was ready to deliver the diagnosis (Dad )

Unfortunately, his other thumb was still stuck up his horse's nose, who was fast asleep in the next bed. (deemac )

Fortunately, the horse's head was still attached to the horse's body! (Dad )

Unfortunately, the head was not amused at the situation. (THANKFUL SONALI 17 WDC YEARS! )

Fortunately, they managed to pull out the thumb, though it was a long process which stretched the horse's nostril by an inch or two. Why is that fortunate, you ask? Well, next time out, the horse won the Kentucky Derby by a nose. (deemac )

Unfortunately, the horse, whose name is Schnozzola, was disqualified because Dr. Fingers used an illegal substance to lengthen Schnozzola's nose. Dr. Fingers did a facepalm when he was caught. The 2nd place finisher named facepalm, became the winner. (Dad )

Fortunately, Schnozzola and Facepalm fell in love and married. They had a nice little stable of their own in which they raised several little foals. (THANKFUL SONALI 17 WDC YEARS! )

Unfortunately, one of the foals, Box of Rox, learned the hard way to do the facehoof gently!. The veterinarian thought the dent in his forehead might heal, but he wasn't sure how long it would take. (Dad )

Fortunately, Box of Rox was a foal, not a fool. He decided that heeling the vet's head would help with healing it. (THANKFUL SONALI 17 WDC YEARS! )

Unfortunately, with all this tomfoalery going on in the stable, Schnozzola and Facepalm's stable relationship became more and more unstable until one night, Schnozzola packed her little haybag and bolted. (deemac )

Fortunately, it was the barn door that she bolted, and just in time, for there was a category 2 2/3 hurricane headed their way. (Petra Pansky )

Unfortunately, the hurricane hurried on with HAY HAY HAY, leaving no hay to eat or roll in. (THANKFUL SONALI 17 WDC YEARS! )

Fortunately, 'tis an ill wind that blows no good. Hurricane Winnie left approximately 6 inches of rain (15 cm), just the amount the parched hay fields needed to grow a new crop And it replenished the nearly empty water troughs the horse family drank from (Dad )

Unfortunately, the horses grew hoarse drinking the cold water. (THANKFUL SONALI 17 WDC YEARS! )

Fortunately, the hoarse horses attracted the attention of a talent agent looking for bass singers. (Petra Pansky )

Unfortunately, the perch, the pike and the trout sang all sang bass, but the bass sang soprano. The talent agent left , dejected, still looking for a bass who sang bass. (Dad )

Fortunately, the agent plaiced an ad. The plaice who answered turned out to be flat, but it certainly sang with sole so he signed it up. (deemac )

Unfortunately, after three days the fish choir began to stink. (Bobby Lou Stevenson )

Fortunately, Emeril Lagasse knew exactly what to do with fish that began to stink. Some blackening seasonings, a hot cast iron pan, za hot stove, and BAM, perfection! (Dad )

Unfortunately, poor Emeril didn't notice that one stinker was a swordfish - (he'd sung the sharp notes in the choir) - and his sword overheated, flew outta the pan, and BAM, perforation! (deemac )

Fortunately, after the swordfish sword left a perfect perforation in his left earlobe, BAM, it perforated the wall behind Emeril, exposing a leaking water pipe he knew nothing about. The pipe was fixed without a problem. (Dad )

Unfortunately, everyone in Emeril's apartment block was wakened in the wee small hours by the screech of an Eightsome Reel tuning up . Seems Emeril's Scottish plumber, Angus McHandymon, had fitted one of his old bagpipe spares by mistake. (deemac )

Fortunately, Emeril was a secret bagpipe aficionado. So much so that he, Gordon Ramsay, Justin Wilson Graham Kerr and several other celebrity chefs formed a bagpipe band, and plan a world tour in 2025. (Dad )

Unfortunately, they've signed up Emeril's Scottish plumber, Angus McHandymon, as their bagpipe maintenance man. For insurance reasons, audiences are being advised to bring umbrellas. (deemac )

Fortunately, the umbrellas blocked the view of the stage, an important consideration when Gordon Ramsay's wild gyrations caused one of the pipes on his bagpipe to snag Angus's kilt, flinging it across the stage, answering what a Scotsman wears underneath (Dad )

Total Displayed: 100