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Review #3624892
Viewing a review of:
 The Sisters   [E]
They were sitting on beach chairs by the water’s edge, holding pink and yellow parasols.
by ChrisDaltro-Chasing Moonbeams
Review of The Sisters  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
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Hi ChrisDaltro-Chasing Moonbeams Please accept this as a courtesy return review. Remember, I'm one person with an opinion.

Overall Impression
I enjoyed reading this story. The plot unfolded slowly, but pleasantly, mainly through dialogue.

I really felt as if I knew both ladies. Their manner of speaking suggested something "off," but we never find out until the end. Well done! *Thumbsup*

Unfortunately, I live in Florida, and have seen first hand the catastrophes these ladies discuss. People lose power for weeks on end, power lines fall down across streets. You can't drink the water. I've seen trees across roofs, and on top of cars. (Never leave your car under a tree in a hurricane.)

Sterling Moments
Your dialogue sounded original, and believable. The sentences below are a few of my favorites.
*Star* “You are far too curious, you know. On the other hand, I’d love to know. I like secrets.”

Considerations *Pencil*
'stripped white and black canvas.'
striped

'terns and seagulls—making them fly away like disorganized little clouds'
This piece is riddled with incorrect punctuation. Maybe re-reading it will help you see the problems.

*Right* I have to comment on em and en dashes, because their frequency distracted me. I am quoting from a grammar book:

"En dash is used for periods of time when you might otherwise use to. It's also used in place of a hyphen when combining open compounds."

*Right* "In informal writing, em dashes may replace commas, semicolons, colons, and parentheses to indicate added emphasis, an interruption, or an abrupt change of thought.

"There are no spaces before of after en or em dashes."

'As I walked toward them I'
Comma needed after them

and my soul, full of warmth, and confidence,
No comma is needed between warmth and confidence.

In the End *Star*
This winsome story needs some editing, especially in the punctuation department. Keep editing and polishing, and you'll end up with a gem. *Star*

An excerpt:
"How can you miss them when you just met them?"








   *CheckG* You responded to this review 11/27/2011 @ 5:19pm EST
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