I have often wondered if all the possible stories about interactions between people within the same world will be exhausted at some point. This story gives me great hope for the future. I like the originality of the situation and the unique twists you have constructed. It seems the flow of the story got better as it went on - the language used throughout from the point at which the rider is first seen is easy to follow and worked to draw me in. Some of the phrasing through the beginning is a bit more awkward- "... and she did not imagine an approaching midnight had ever seen..." this sentence is one example where the phrasing is a little awkward and caused me to slow down and re-read for understanding. Another is: "...with its tinge of hysteria to die the death of a strangled hiccup....". It seems like you have the ability to be clever in your use of metaphors, but I would suggest you be more selective if where they will be most effective in propelling the reader through the story.
No technical issues at all with this one - nice work!
I love how enamored the girl was with the rider and your use of modern worries like YouTube pranks! This was a really cool story and I appreciate your style a great deal!

Beckyl

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