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Review #3697133
Viewing a review of:
The Creature (2nd. Twisted Tales)  [ASR]
It carefully made its way through darkness. (Honorable Mention Halloween Scary Story C.)
by ChrisDaltro-Chasing Moonbeams
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi, ChrisDaltro-Chasing Moonbeams Please accept this as a peer review. I found your story here.  *Right*

"Invalid Item" 

*Bird*
OVERALL IMPRESSION
It's easy to see why this story is favored by the community. It's well-penned, thought provoking, and disturbing. A lethal mixture of horror.

The story is so convincingly told; I had no doubt I was Ollie, a little boy in a dark room with a monster. It made sense his mom had the ability to sense the evil presence, although this wasn't explored much deeper.

You know how to describe some ugly creatures—they nearly come to life! *Thumbsup*

*Puzzle4*
THE PLOT CONTINUES
Great job with the forgiveness vs. the continuing torture by evil creatures feeding and existing on someone else's soul. I never saw the end coming, because I agreed with your philosophical statement. I don't believe in heaven or hell, but I do know carrying negative energy injures the soul.

The little boy tells the monster the dad says there is no heaven or hell, but then asks if the thing wants to burn forever as Lucifer or Satan. I'm looking in mirrors now and out open windows; I must be superstitious.

*NoteV* "hovering over my bed, spying, watching, uncertain"
That string of verbs sent chills down my spine.

*NoteV* "disappearing forever from where he hadn’t existed because he was nothing."
That's an incredible way to express nothing. Impressive.

*Pencil* *Idea*
SUGGESTIONS
It looks like you've edited this intensely, and maybe other reviewers have made punctuation remarks. Sometimes it's a matter of style.

I thought the last paragraph was over the top, but then, I write minimally for effect. One Ha! Ha! Ha! felt sufficient to me.

I probably missed something, but the evil spirit says " but he didn’t even spell it right" I wondered who had spelled it, other than the author? The creature was communicating with him, but not with pen and paper, right?

You might decide to elaborate on what "real big trouble" would be. He's the all-powerful evil—I'm trying not to use specifics, so this won't be a spoiler—and when he's thinking in his own mind, he's still thinking like a small boy.

IN CLOSING
Thanks for the opportunity to read and review this prize-winning story. My comments stem from curiosity and are not meant to discourage you, or downgrade your masterpiece. Take what helps and ignore the rest.


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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/20/2012 @ 11:21pm EDT
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