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Review #3844332
Viewing a review of:
 Beneath A Vanishing Sky (Ch1)  [18+]
A novel that explores the true meaning of family.
by K. E. MacLeod
Review by Bri*Star
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
I straightened up and looked around, thankful to see that there was no one nearby to witness my brief but faltering argument with gravity.

Loved this line; clever and entertaining.


My stupid co-workers, whom I loved dearly, had thought it would be a great idea to bring me there here in celebration of my divorce.

Tense change.


I have seen people addicted to alcohol.


I enjoyed this piece, though it drug on in places. You might consider separating the two chapters into two Static Items.


Your character had a strong voice, it was easy to get a feel for her personality and the reasoning behind her actions. I think your strongest suite here is your dialogue. It was believable and flowed well.

There were a number of places where your tenses changed or wording was missing.

I enjoyed reading this, thank you for sharing.

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   *CheckG* You responded to this review 04/07/2013 @ 3:13am EDT
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