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Review #3846725
Viewing a review of:
 Being a whole person  [E]
What does it mean to be a whole person?
by Thomas Seeker
Review by ~SilverMoon~
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hello there Thomas Seeker,
*Tulipp*

I dropped by your portfolio and was looking around to see what new items you might have and found this. I decided to read and review it.

It's odd that after not being here for a while that I came across this because even today this idea applies to a personal interaction I had earlier.

I only review what causes me to think and feel something. I send this review with the idea of helping and offering encouragement, rather than criticism. Please consider my suggestions and take only what works for you and leave the rest behind. That being said, here is my impression.

First of all, you might want to rate this so it's made public to more members. Your title is rated but the content isn't.

Title: Appropriate.
Premise: The different parts of ourselves that make us a whole person.
Format: Pretty much good. Nice spacing between paragraphs, plus there is some indented lists.
The title was offset more than I thought it might be, but that could be personal preference on the authors part.
Flow: Nice explanation of what this will be about, plus you go into more detail to explain your idea.

*Poseyv* What I liked: The thought process here breaks it down so anyone can understand and also apply it to themself if they want to. A lot of times people try to ignore those parts of themself they feel is ugly or useless. And often times hate themselves for even knowing they exist. It could be something that doesn't serve a person well or vice versa, which also has other feelings with it. It could make the person feel uncomfortable rather than excepting what "is", and either doing something about it like apologizing or letting it go. Instead of labeling it. (at least that's one thing this reviewer got out of this).

*Poseyp* What might need edit and/or revision: I found a few areas that needed editing. It was nothing major though, and can easily be fixed.

The first sentence bothered me for some reason. I think it's because it reads "all their characteristics", but you named two. A few words saying you would focus on those two might make it better, even though you have the two words there.

Here: When you hide away, repress, or bury these impulses see you begin to create your shadow, or your inner monster. (the word 'see' isn't reading right here but it could be that the author is more present like he's saying "see what I mean". In that case, I would add a few commas. one before and one after "see".

Here: We were all force (I think you meant forced)
Here: What I intent (I think you meant intend)

There is a place in this where you used the word 'lot', but I think you meant to write> a lot. (for me it should be one word but the right way is used in two words). I think it's at the end of one of the paragraphs, yet I can't find it now.

There was a need for some commas on introductory clauses, etc. Also some places had commas where it didn't need it.

* If ignored, they will come out.

* Love was the experienced (experience?)

Also I would break that sentence up.
Love was the experience. You grew and

I just noticed the word experience appeared twice in two sentences in the same paragraph. You might want to reword it and maybe make it more concise and then you won't have to use it but once. Think of another word that might be used instead (if there is one).
*Idea* The demonstration about the kitten helped create a visual to understand how different perspectives bring about different actions. The caring/non caring could be labeled as good or bad.

*Burstp* Personal Comments/Suggestions: It makes me think of how many times I've chosen to sit back and let events unfold or develop on their own, yet at the same time struggled with that. Sometimes it's the other way around and I want to prevent something from happening, or encourage it. It's also a frame of mind. We might think things that aren't true at all but unless we can understand we might not know that.

People tend to label things in life. It's hard to see our loved ones making choices or doing things which ultimately affect others in ways that might not serve them well. What do we do? We can't live other people's lives for them, but we can be responsible for our own choices and lives and also allow ourselves to experience ourselves fully.

That means that if we realize that something we said, did, or felt (or something we didn't say, do, or feel?) didn't work out so well for us or someone else, we can always make new choices. I hope that makes sense to someone other than just me, but it is what it is. :)
On a personal note, I had a choice today and decided to voice those thoughts and now both myself and the other person interacted in a more productive way because of it.

Please keep writing. The topics are interesting and informative.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed.

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