Greetings, my name is writingbyjazzy and today I am reviewing your story "Invalid Item" .

First Impressions: The first two lines hooked me in right away, and the whole first verse was fantastic. Really, kissing a frog who doesn't turn into a prince makes for a fantastic story (or poem, in your case). It was interesting and fun and I just had to continue reading to find out if she ever got a frog to turn into a prince. And the title was definitely a plus too. It was what got me reading this poem - and of course, it was my first impression of the piece by the title. The use of the word another in the title really made it better. Another frog? The first one didn't work out? I was confused and that got me curious to read the poem. My first impressions of this piece were good impressions.

Favorite Aspects: I liked how you used the line I kissed a frog today. over and over. The repetition was great. I also enjoyed the last line of the piece, And I certainly don't need to kiss another frog. because it made everything just come together. And this line is a fun line that made me laugh. The the fact that your protaganist found out who she was made me happy as well. Great job.

Suggestions: I would suggest going over your piece while focusing on the flow and rhythm. As I am not a great or fantastic poet in any way, I cannot really make specific suggestions on this for your poem, but if I read it aloud, there are some bumps between the transitions at the end of the lines, and you might want to check them out. For example, the line Cute? But still a frog, - this line didn't really go together with the rest of the poem, and I think it's because of the word Cute in that line, with the question mark. How is that cute? Because they kissed? I would have liked it to be clearer. And that word made a bump in the flow of that verse, because everything else just fit together, and then suddenly in the second line, you show up with the word Cute and a question mark right in the middle of the second line.

Overall Thoughts: This was a nice piece with a great concept. It could use some tweaking on the flow and rhythm, but it was an overall great piece.

Write On!



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .