  Spiritual
This week: A Lifetime of Treasures Edited by: Sssssh! I'm not really here.  
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When the Dust Settles after a loved one passes away, there are so many little treasures left behind. Although one person's treasures may be another persons junk. It all depends how you look at it, and what you can do to share the love that is stored within the cartons of a lifetime. |
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Hello, folks! It’s an honor and pleasure to be your guest editor for this edition of the Spiritual Newsletter. I’ve been getting nostalgic lately, thinking about packing, closing up the house and heading South. That’s quite a task, but that’s not what is nagging at my heartstrings. What leaving for half a year does, is separate me from so many of my mother’s treasures.
When I returned North last spring, I had to face the inevitable -- I had to go through all the boxes that were packed after my mother passed away. It was so difficult when my brothers and I got together to pack her very tiny apartment. I think at the time, we were all still in shock and just mechanically went about the wrapping and filling of box after box.
There were certain items already specified for each of us, but there were so many more things that none of us really needed, but could see our mother’s memories in each precious item.
She loved to cook, and have company come to enjoy her meals. She did this all the time when she was younger and then much less as she got much older. There were boxes of dishes, glassware, flatware, platters tureens and place mats. Pots and pans and baking dishes filled a cupboard to the brim. The closets were stuffed full of box over box of a lifetime of collecting.
When, and this took several trips, we finally emptied everything out of the apartment, we walked around the one bedroom, one combo-kitchen-living room place, and looked out the window at the rental truck, wondering how that woman was able to fit so much stuff in such a tiny place!
When I got home and emptied the rental of all the boxes of her memories that I couldn’t think of tossing out or giving away one of those moments. I just piled them into the dining room, (Mom loved to feed her guests at a table filled to the brim -- perfect choice of rooms.) and visited them each day. I could smell her scent in the air every time I entered the room. It became her room -- I could feel her spirit there and felt she was close by.
A few months passed by and I still had not cleared out the dining room. We closed up the house for the winter and headed to Florida. I grabbed a few of her precious memories and took them with me -- her handwritten recipe books being the first thing to grab for the move.
In Florida, I went through all of those beautifully written jewels in her handwriting with her particular flair; she had beautiful penmanship.
Those books kept her with me throughout my stay in Florida. I spent time copying them and stacking them to make into memory books for my children. I cried many tears while going through page after page, but they were warm tears, the tears of having felt like she was hugging me right at that moment.
When we returned in the spring, I had the emotional strength to unpack each box and separate things, repacking boxes of things to be given later to my children so they too will have some of her lifetime of memories. So, next time you are given the job of caretaker of memories, find the most positive way to dispose of those treasures. You may just be passing a piece of history by creating a family book or shadow box of memories, to those future generations of offspring you will never meet.
May you all have a wonderful holiday season, if we don’t have a chance to meet again before they are here.
Until next time -- learn to appreciate life’s small treasures made warm through the heart of a loved one.
Regards,
WebWitch
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|  | The Fiddler (E)
There was more to this disheveled, mild-mannered man that I remember, than met the eye.
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 Folks, I'm going to post this poem as it was sent to me directly, via email, as we begin to see the responses from my last newsletter on depression and how to be more aware of its presence around us.
andreakine
"I was in a similar situation as robin same time as him... and hearing of his death knocked me down. Hit me hard. And compelled me to write this poem, as I suffer from Major Depressive Disorder along with some other mental illnesses and am trying to recover from Anorexia as well..... it is a hard struggle right now. I wrote this because I know what it is like to live 'what' he lived... I LIVE IT EVERY DAY... "
The Masks I Wear
I know you love me, always have and
I love you and that's why I don't let you see;
all the things that are there inside
I only let you see certain sides of me.
I feel by doing that I am protecting
myself in many ways but also saving you;
from the heartache of seeing how much pain
I am in, knowing there's nothing you can do.
So most days I put a mask on to get by when
I feel blue, lonely, depressed, hurtful or sad;
I will have it on, I will smile, maybe laugh and
continue my day and hope better ones can be had.
Bad part is, when I take that mask off, cant keep
up the charade, the smile falls, and I take off the fake;
that is when you seem to notice a bit, get a bit
confused on thinking I was 'better', ask 'what will it take'.
I wasn't better at all.. never was, I hide it all
to keep you from worrying as you have enough stress;
I always think I can handle it on my own, cope my
own way, but it ends the same- I hide because I'm in distress.
I get ashamed that I can't fix my own life, thoughts
emotions, actions and I don't want to admit I was wrong at all;
Pride gets in my way so many times, so I put my mask on
to protect me, and think I am saving you.. yet again I fall.
Masks allow me to hide behind my fear every day
the fear of not knowing what my diseases will do to me;
where they will take me, where recovery will lead, look like,
feel like, they even let me push people away to just let me be.
They are self preservation at times in order to cope
they are also self destruction at other times which is bad too;
those masks put up walls that block you from seeing WHO
I am, what I am feeling, what I need or what I am going to do.
The mask I wear will never allow me to be honest
the protection layer, the wall is too thick that I have built;
I have worn it too long and have relied on it for too long
taking it off feels wrong at times; wearing it leaves a feeling of guilt.
It turns dangerous to keep it, to keep building my walls
keep myself buried in it all, deep down I hoped you would see;
I was wrong, you never did; my masks just kept changing, walls
got thicker, depression worse, me stuck in all the ways not to be.
I relied on you, when I needed to rely on myself
I should have never put my faith in someone other than me;
no one will notice me, look at me when I need them to, see me
pay attention like others did long ago, I can't make them see.
Mask or no mask... protection or no protection
it is dangerous to hide your feelings, your illness inside;
it has been my mistake to push it all away thinking that I
have been protecting others by pretending that I had to hide.
It does no good, I am protecting no one, only
putting myself in more danger because of those masks I wear;
they will cover up and hide everything that is wrong until it is
too late, I could have told just ONE person when I know they care.
So do you understand now that a smile doesn't always
mean someone is happy, that everything is perfectly grand?
behind that smile that person can be so lost, depressed and so
close to wanting to go away and needs your helping hand.
They may be ashamed to ask for it... they are sad and scared
and a lot of the time they want help but their pride will get in the way;
Don't let them walk away from you... offer help even if they smile
keep asking, stay with them... even if they say that they are OKAY.
That mask they wear is so incredibly dangerous
it serves no good purpose to that person, but to hide from all;
keep them stuck in a cloud of darkness and drag them into hell
grab them, tell them you care... let them hear you... make that call.
My mask I wear never comes off, not when I am so deep
and dark and scary in myself.. it gets too tight, becomes a part of me;
I no longer think as the 'true' me, I am stuck as the sick me and
thoughts are no longer clear or logical, I want at times to just never be.
But when I catch a glimpse of blue somewhere I see
such a difference and I can take off that mask... put it aside;
I want to throw it away for good, but what if I need it again, fear grabs
hold.. so I hold onto it.. but today while I have it off, I ask God to be my guide.
I am wearing no mask today... I feel good today just as I am
if you ask me how I am, how I feel I will probably tell the truth to you;
I have no walls up just now, I am not a danger to myself and the
dark is lighter, in case it doesn't last, today I will be more creative and happy too!
August 16, 2014
Andrea Kine
you can post this on the site if you want... I tried to post it above, but the characters were too high, the word count was ok but it went by characters... :) thank you ...
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Some very beautiful responses from "Spiritual Newsletter (August 27, 2014)" where many people shared their personal stories. Some words need no responses for they speak for themselves. Thus I leave you to read these and perhaps get a better understanding of Depression and its devastating reach.
Prosperous Snow celebrating 
The problem with depression is that it distorts a person's view of reality. Those of us who suffer from it don't see that it's not our fault, especially when we're depressed. Instead of hearing "It's not your fault." we hear "This is all my fault." The internal voice of depression drowns out the voice of reason and pushes us closer and closer to the edge of destruction.
Sometimes all we want is to hear a human voice, so if you know someone who is depressed take a moment to call them. Keep their phone number in your cellphones memory, so that you can call them once in a while.
ANN Counselor, Lesbian & Happy
This true story of my cousin came to mind as I read your excellent newsletter in which you reminded your readers to acknowledge and reach out to the troubled person. If reaching out to them leads them to "just one more day" that's a blessing; if it leads to professional help for clinical depression, that may be "many more decades" now that professional counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists medical physicians and Medical Research provides better help and medication than the years of my cousin's suffering. I know because I am still alive today and am thankful for professional help and medications. Being depressed is not some 'sin' as it used to be considered; it is a medical-physical condition that can be properly medicated when the sufferer, (if the sufferer) finds their way to professional medical help.
Lady K Bear
Dearest WW,
Thank you so much for your writing in this edition of the newsletter concerning Robin Williams' death. It is a dark place we come from, those of us struggling to feel anything other than the darkness that is in us. Drugs only help for a while, and many times our loved ones can say things that sound intolerant without meaning to, just because they don't understand. I encourage everyone to ask questions, seek help, try to seive through the darkness for that one spark of joy that will keep them here. I do it daily; there are so many times it feels like too much a chore and a waste of time. It feels like it would be a much better choice to not have to burden busy lives with my existence. Like everyone around me would be better off without having to see me being mopey and deal with me not being able to express what I'm feeling. I was lucky to have a roommate that saw and understood, to have made friends who were willing to listen even though they don't understand, and to have found two specific outlets for my darkness and pain, one being writing (I joined the site originally as ChrysalisFlayme when it first started up) and the other being paint. Others find their joy in dance, music...anything they can do to get it out helps.
Well that turned into quite a narrative and I apologize, but I do still thank you for sharing your insight into this newsletter and getting some kind of small acknowledgement of the problem out there. Who knows how many lives you may have saved.
 Lady K
Elfin Dragon-finally published 
Thank you for this particular newsletter. You're right about depression being many different types of things for different people. Sometimes it's anger at not just oneself but at the problems one faces which seem insurmountable. Perhaps that is the anger turned inwards, it's difficult to tell sometimes. But then for others there is the exhaustion of pain. It becomes difficult to live with the vast constantness of it. I will be honest(so perhaps readers can understand) that for me sometimes it's both. Those are the most difficult days. But I'm learning to reach out, talk to friends, family and physicians. And with God's help, things seem to be at least staying status quo. I hope this note brings a better understanding of what some of us with depression goes through. 
Elfin Dragon
Steven Alexander
Thank you so much for this newsletter. I had put off reading for the week because of how personal it related to things going on in my life. Keep on keeping on.
COUNTRYMOM-JUST REMEMBER ME 
Thank you for a beautifully written Newsletter - Your words came at the right time in my life, as I still carried feelings of "could I have changed it" when my sister took her own life - years ago. It was comforting to me to read "It's NOT your fault!" I will read and re-read your message. Wise words - I needed that.
Take care and God bless!
RokuWorld
webwitch, really liked your newsletter. I am one of those people suffering from depression and bipolar. always have to put on an act. gets so lonely at times and bored, but actually, THANKS TO this site, writing.com, and people and writers like you, it helps a great deal, thank you . i love the newsletters. and did seek help. amy matz.
Incurable Romantic
WebWitch, your newsletter on depression and related conditions was excellently done. Wonderful choice of words throughout, and including the story of a newcomer to your own neighborhood was a perfect way to show that it can indeed happen to anyone. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this important issue in such a caring and loving way. This needed to be said, and you said it beautifully. - Incurable Romantic
monty31802
You did a great job on this News Letter. You wrote a lot about depression and did it in a great way. I believe Hyper Anxiety can be much the same. Perhaps
one leading to the other.
cmfountain
I am so honored to be an editor's pick for your Spiritual Newsletter. Someone emailed me today that they received encouragement from my piece and saw it in this newsletter. Thank you so much for being an avenue for encouragement. Again, I am greatly honored and humbled. Peace and love to your and yours.
- cmfountain
shepherd46
Your article, "It's Not your Fault" is wonderful and so needed! Your words at the end are words every person who is depressed should hear. I will keep this article in my memory bank and if I see anyone who shows signs of depression, I will do what I can to help.
God Bless and thank you!
Toni Star
drjim
I saw it on a road sign once....two huge black lettered words: "DEPRESSION KILLS". And it does. Depression kills in ways we might never expect or suspect in our everyday living, for the fast-paced nature of who we are and what we do are so intertwined that it is possible to not see the forest for the trees. We, as individual "trees", APPEAR like so many others, yet storms or disease can easily befall us, and with no support from those around us....predictable, tragic things happen.We must do better, we must have confidence in ourselves to go up to another person, a stranger even, and let them know our thoughts are with them.Making that difference CAN bring about change, its that spark that Robin Williams so talked about - that spark he said we must hold closely, and never lose. I remember that bright, cheerful visitor to our clubhouse that night, and I was shocked at the loss of such a kindly soul who was with us for a very brief time. To her family - and the family of Robin Williams - I say that whatever may have been the most painful hurt that made them take their lives, they no longer are in pain, they no longer are haunted by those feelings that we could not see from near or afar. RIP, I say, RIP....
Zeke
For people suffering from depression, professional help a true expressed love are necessities.
Zeke
Thank you folks, for these very enlightening comments. Hopefully they will be taken to heart and remembered long after this page fades away into the archives. Thank you for sharing a piece of your life with all of us.
Let's keep this awareness going folks!
WebWitch
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