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I seem to have gotten my Facebook back (still no clue what "behavior" flagged me as "suspicious"--so to be safe, I'm never sharing anything on there again)...but now COVID-19 has finally hit my state.  Downstate, very far from here, but still. I was hoping it'd take longer...I'm supposed to have all my teeth pulled in a little over a week. And I seem to be prone to infections lately--had 2 UTIs in a row last summer/autumn--since I have a stoma, symptoms are different, and it felt just like the flu--plus another infection (of a kind of personal nature, though I didn't do anything to catch it) I've had for almost three years now, which failed to respond to all over-the-counter and prescription meds so the gynecologist gave up...and told me to go vegan.  (He declared that he'd gone vegan and had lost 10lbs and felt great...last I heard, some time after he'd terminated my case, he retired for health reasons. I guess going vegan doesn't help everything.) Anyway...since NOTHING had worked, I wondered if something might have gone wrong with my immune system. (This particular infection shows up a lot in immunocompromised people.) Since that was the only thing we hadn't looked into. Granted, he showed no interest in finding the CAUSE of the issue, just in treating the symptoms...yet I tried to broach the subject to him--should I do anything about my immune function? By which I meant, have it tested somehow? He just suggested I watch a nutrition documentary, and go vegan. Never mind that one of my meds contains pork thyroid...I'm very skeptical of a doctor who won't look for underlying causes, jokes/brushes it off when you suggest what the precipitating event might've been, and thinks that a drastic diet change, when he doesn't know all my ongoing digestive and vitamin issues, will "cure" me when it obviously didn't cure him. (I think he also mixed me up with another client. That docu he suggested was about diet vs. bariatric surgery. Wha--?? Not once have I ever expressed interest in weight-loss surgery, in fact, I'm against getting it for myself. No clue why he recommended that.) ...So, the "Tl;dr" is, my immune system could be compromised for all I know, but because I had an indifferent doctor, I won't find out for sure until I get a really bad infection, and I sure seem to get them more easily lately. I guess I'll find out the hard way as usual.  |
| And now I'm going to avoid my notebook for a while because that's what I do when I type more than a sentence or two. ;_; Users were nice recently after I vented in the newsfeed and I'm not used to that...so I don't know how to respond. All I can say is, I can't take anybody up on their offers of a listening ear. Both because of my crippling anxiety/total inability to hold a conversation (I've had a lot of very bad social experiences with people who started out kind, then they weren't...they got fed up and lashed out at me or just disappeared, or both...so I expect everyone to be that way, now), and because I'm just so much more full of negativity and misery than anyone can realize. Even professional therapists (more than one) couldn't deal with me. I can't bear to inflict that on anyone anymore. So I vent on a public message board or some such, craving some validation...and then chicken out and avoid if any is given. -_- I don't mean to seem so ungrateful. I (eventually) read the comments and appreciate them. Actually responding, though...I've forgotten how to communicate one-on-one. And it's probably for the best, since I'm far too miserable for anyone to tolerate for long. I believe most people regret trying to get to know me and I can't blame them, I can't stand me, either. So...yeah. Regretting this already. ;_; *creeps out* |
Venting out publicly is pretty intimidating. I get that. I'm guilty of that too sometimes so I replace that habit with blogging all my insecurities and if I can too insecure about my insecurities, that's where the privacy setting comes in. You'd be surprised how many great listeners there are out there though. If you find the right kind of people who can understand you, who have the right chemistry with you (some people say - the right frequency) then never let that person go.  |
| You said you've even had problems with therapists. Maybe consider something like Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART). It's based on EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing). You don't even really have to talk about things that much. Like EMDR, it uses eye movements like when you are in REM sleep to process things and help change your moods and feelings. If ART isn't in your area, look into EMDR. I haven't done it myself, so I can't say as much about how how it works (how much talking you have to do and if it's good for depression, negativity, etc). But since the Army and VA use it, I know it's been proven to be effective.  |
| Called the dentist's office yesterday to make sure my appointment is still on since the governor shut down all schools. They confirmed it, a relief since I feel a new chip in another tooth. Started worrying about groceries, though, since we're supposed to go shopping today. Need soup since presumably my teeth will be gone. Now a few minutes ago on my dad's ambulance scanner we heard a call for a woman in her sixties, coughing, short of breath, needs help. Tested positive for COVID-19. Not far down the road from us. My parents are in their sixties...underlying health conditions. I can't drive, can't live on my own, can't do anything. I have no one else.  |
| Ooooh. Your dad drives an ambulance? You can write and I think your artwork is amazing. I saw your public blog. Love them. |
| That's definitely scary, this current hysteria aside. You should probably start looking into options for the future. Maybe a group home? Or I know the VA has sort of like foster care for veterans who can't live on their own, so maybe there are similar programs for none veterans. I had a quadriplegic friend who couldn't live on his own, so he hired a local college student to be his roommate and help him for minimal pay because he had a free place to stay. Maybe something like that might work for your future. Good luck with this and in the future! |
| Great...for some reason my Facebook is blocked for "suspicious activity." Literally the last thing I did there was post the link previously posted in this notebook, plus a share of a photo from that shelter's Facebook. I have no friends there, no identifying info, and am under a pseudonym due to stalking in the past; I even say on my page that I've been stalked so I prefer not to give out ID info. I've NEVER done anything suspicious. I don't contact anybody through there or anything, either. I've had that account for years with no problems. All I do is once in a great while share a news story. And now all of a sudden, it's blocked? For suspicious activity? WHAT activity? They didn't even clarify. They made me submit a mobile number (I don't have one, so had to use my mother's--God I wish sites would realize WE DON'T ALL HAVE CELL PHONES) and a photo of myself which they said they'd use to "verify" that it's me--um, HOW? I've never posted a pic of myself (for aforementioned reasons) so there's nothing to compare it to! With my luck they'll never unlock it, or even worse, delete it..."suspicious" because I can't give out every identifying detail about myself, since I'm trying to avoid online stalkers. Then there go my connections to various games and groups I had enough trouble connecting to in the first place. I bleeping hate Facebook...only have (had?) it because some sites require it. And now I can't even do that. I wish I had some reassurance that I'd get it back (and not have to post all my identifying info publicly or provide even more--I don't HAVE anything more, except state ID and SSN!), even if I had to wait a week, but all I found about this issue was from years ago, and I know FB cracks down on pseudonyms so I'm terribly worried and down. (How would/do they know I'm using a pseudonym, though...? My page says no such thing.) After I submitted the requested info they didn't even say how long I'll have to wait, just "You can't use Facebook right now." Nothing else. (Can't even submit help requests/appeals to them until I'm unblocked!) I think this "suspicious activity" thing is just an excuse to purge an anonymous account because they gave ZERO explanation. This sucks so much. |
| FB jail can be hard. But your gaming access should open up in about a week if I remember right. I had a hacker I caught in my account and had to deal with my name being wrong for about 61 days. It was annoying but the saving grace I had was that all logins I have sent a record to my email so it can be tracked. I hope they figure out that it is you and you get every thing opened back up the way you want it to be. |
I'm so sorry! That super sucks! I hope they get this figured out for you soon!    |
| Me: "Crud, I'm logged out of Tumblr." *logs in* Tumblr e-mail: "YOUR ACCOUNT'S BEEN LOGGED INTO ZOMFGWSFSJDFSLRSDF hopefully it was you."  |
| Feeling rather sore. Somebody offered me a trade on a virtual adoptable site, several pets for a rare one of mine; one was a hard-to-find pet I really wanted. A couple of others I already had (hadn't updated my wish list). User said I could modify trade if I liked; I usually ignore a trade I don't 100% want, because I'm too shy to offer a trade another user might not want, but I really wanted that rare pet, and they had a common pet I want too, so I modified trade & sent it back. This actually made the trade less fair for me, more beneficial for them. I wanted the rare & other pet enough to take a hit. Waited & waited and no response; logged in today to see it was "automatically cancelled" when another user took it. I don't understand this since it should have "automatically cancelled" BEFORE I sent my modification, or right when I did so, not after, because a trade is auto cancelled only when somebody beats you to it (or so I thought), & the trade was still active when I modified it; if it auto cancelled earlier, I never got notice. Every other time I got notice. Either way, I don't get the rare pet or the common one I wanted. This happens without fail when I modify trades or offer my own. I keep telling myself not to do so, to just ignore trades I'm not fully interested in...I thought maybe this one time it'd work. Guess not. Even if there's a creature I really really want, next time such a trade comes, if I'm not 100% interested in it, I'm just going to ignore it and sadly move on without the pet. Like I have to do now. I know this is a trivial thing to be upset over, just...I really hate putting myself out there & always regretting it. & I really wanted those pets. ... Soon going to start a blog I can whine in so I stop cluttering my notebook. I know I'm very whiny. |
WOW! That really sucks! I'm so sorry!  Maybe there is a glitch in the system. Have you considered contacting the Support team? I've done that here and it turns out it was a glitch. (Almost no one wished me happy birthday and I thought that was weird because I'm pretty social and tend to get a lot of birthday wishes. Turns out something was messed up so 2300 birthdays weren't going to be announced this year if I hadn't said anything so it's a good thing I contacted Support.  ) Anyway, I think you should contact Support. Glitch or not, hopefully they can at least explain what happened. "Soon going to start a blog I can whine in so I stop cluttering my notebook. I know I'm very whiny." You probably didn't mean this to be funny, but I thought it was hilarious! I can be whiny as well. If you do start a blog, enjoy! Personally, I'm too lazy and never keep up with my blog, but maybe you'll do better. Good luck!  |
| I'm sorry. I'm a noob when it comes to trading or whatnot. Are we talking about trading or the Pokemon game? Pets are involved? |
New scanner.  It's wireless so I can scan in my bedroom and get the images on my computer in the living room. I'm jazzed, now I can scan all my old sketches/art. (Except the one drawing which still seems to be missing. ) I have no photo-editing software, so have to do that online (and resize the gargantuan images a bit). Check the differences between an old DeviantArt upload I edited in PrintShop Deluxe back around 2007, and the new 2020 scan edited at Pixlr: Old: https://i.imgur.com/W5IAwzC.jpg New: https://i.imgur.com/YO7PmZH.jpg (Wha, Imgur changed my PNG to a JPG...oh well. Looks better as a PNG, though. ) |
| Slowly cleaning up the formatting on my items. You can add stock art to them now. Looks like a few need updating since they were posted in rough format. Gives me something to do here, at least. That and play games for GPs with the bots in the IM console. (Those weren't around my last time here, either.) Too bad there isn't more actual chat to lurk on (since I'm too anxious to join in). Pondering starting a new blog to replace the current one; have had an intro and entry typed up for a while now. But it's very, VERY negative, and though I need a venting space, I fear it'll make me sound awful and put people off from checking out my port. I don't think I'm an awful person, but when I rant, I sound like I am. And I rant a lot, unfortunately. -_- ...They have GIFs now, too?  |
| Without fail, whenever I post an artwork that I think is actually one of my rarer, well-done pieces on DeviantArt, nobody at all notices it. I posted THREE of them last night...nothing but crickets. -_- I have no clue how people get noticed there anymore unless they constantly spam others with "Please check out my art!" which I refuse to do (mostly because I'm too shy). I don't really get noticed on Reddit or Tumblr, either. I'm not the vocal, sociable type (I have crippling social anxiety disorder), so I have no connections, no network, no one to spread the word, and I guess no matter how much you work at something, you'll never get noticed without a social life to put you out there. Or maybe my art just really is that lousy. I know I'm not very good, but I'm trying to improve. And I've been at it for over a year now. It's just so frustrating to do all this for nothing. My writing gets no significant attention, so I figured, I should learn to draw, since people who can write AND draw get attention. I really thought if I kept at it, people would start to notice, but that's not happening. ...I know I'm whiny but I have nowhere else to vent about things. My parents aren't interested in my art or writing, either, so I don't get much encouragement anywhere and it wears on me. |
| I'm sorry you're feeling like this, Tehuti, Lord Of The Eight! Unfortunately, you are right. To get noticed, you pretty much need to be social. But I see you can reach out online, as evidenced by this post. Try just reaching out to other folks online. Find some art you like/appreciate and contact that person with a couple of compliments. Be specific when you can. Say something like, "Hey blah-blah! I just wanted to tell you how much I admire your artwork! You are so talented! I'm especially impressed with your use of color to evoke feelings. My favorite piece of yours is blah-blah because I feel like I can reach out and touch that snow. I actually feel a little colder looking at that picture. Crazy! I hope to one day be able to do something like that. Thank you for sharing your gift! No pressure, but I'd love it if you took a look at my work and gave me some feedback. I'm still learning, but love it! Thank you so much for your time and for sharing your beautiful artwork!" You can even create a sort of template of what to say... - Greet artist by their name. - Give genuine compliment. - Give compliment specific to them and/or their art. - Mention piece of theirs you really like and tell why. - Make a "no pressure" request for them to look at your art and offer feedback to you. - End with a focus on them--thank them for their time and for sharing their art. You can do it! I know it's not easy, but it is possible. You won't die. Take your time to reach out in a way that feels comfortable and using words that are natural to you. If you start getting too anxious, stop and do something else for a bit. Or perhaps work on a message to 5 different artists at once, but only do 1 part at a time, then take a break for a few minutes...or hours...or days. Whatever you need. Be genuine and let them know that you honestly looked at and enjoy their art. Many of them are probably feeling the same way you are. Even if they aren't feeling anxious (though no doubt many are), I'm sure they are also feeling lost in the sea of other art. You said your writing gets no significant attention. I know that just commenting on other people's stuff can get them to take a look at your portfolio. Post on their newsfeed that you like their portfolio picture. Send an e-mail telling them that you read their bio and it looks like you guys have a lot in common. I assume you don't feel comfortable reviewing, but it gets folks in your port. |
Sorry, I ran out of room. No surprise there.  Anyway, one of the great things about communicating online is that you can do it in your own time and at your own comfort level. I know people that can't go to a restaurant because they can't speak to a waitress. But they can talk online. I know you can too. You already do through your newsfeed and your portfolio. It DEFINITELY sucks that your parents don't encourage you! I'm so sorry about that, but they are just people and people aren't always great at doing what needs to be done for each other.  But it still hurts, I know. You could also consider taking an online art class. There are free writing classes, so no doubt there are free art classes if money is an issue. Just google. Also, there are treatments for social anxiety disorder, just saying. Something to consider. I'm sorry for what you are going through, but I'm glad you reached out! You can do this! It's true that you generally need to be social to get noticed. But you can do it at your own level of comfort. Besides, consider it an opportunity to grow as an artist when you practice interacting with others. I BELIEVE IN YOU!   |
| Oh, and I forgot to mention, post a link on here from time to time. No doubt a few people will click through to check out your work. |
| Forgot about this thing. May as well write to myself where nobody can downvote me. (I hope.) Fantastic that there's absolutely no way to join or contact ASSTR (NSFW) to tell them all the joining/logging in/contact pages on their site are broken. :/ Yet another useful site I waited too long to join, I guess. Somebody from there once plugged my adult writing here, but I can no longer find my link anywhere on her site...sigh. Story of my life. |
| Just popped on to let you know that I'm reading the Ameni Chronicles again. I try to read it at least once a year. |
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