*A Review by Artemis Quill*
CRITERION: I am reviewing your work, as you requested. I have attempted to be respectful, open-minded, honest, candid, direct, positive and encouraging. I have only my judgment to offer. On occasion, I find a morsel of work, I pondered that I might express my senses in this area. It is just my feelings and not meant to hurt or take liberty with the authors work. A. Quill
Hello! I found your story on [insert where you found the story (review request, plug page, random read, etc.)]. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.
Story Review:
Overall Impression:Very intriguing story.
Plot:Thought provoking, yet realistic.
Style and Voice:Smooth delivery.
Scene/Setting: Quite believable.
Characters: Good choicefor story.
Dialog: Satisfactory.
Grammar and Mechanics:*See suggestions below*
Suggestions: Indication of the number of years of formal education that a person requires in order to easily understand the text on the first reading
Gunning Fog index : 5.92
Approximate representation of the U.S. grade level needed to comprehend the text :
Coleman Liau index : 5.94
Flesch Kincaid Grade level : 4.36
ARI (Automated Readability Index) : 3.31
SMOG : 7.12
Flesch Reading Ease : 81.37
List of sentences that you might consider rewriting to improve readability:
When she was pulling her watch in a guard tower, she would stare at the endless expanse of trees and listen to bird calls and the chatter and shrieks of whatever inhabited that forbidden landscape.
Fear had always gripped her heart when they described how a banshee would rip out their throats, or how the powerful claws of a poka could dismember them.
This had cemented their resolve to leave the compound, an idea that had been growing, fueled by their dwindling trust of the leadership.
They had scaled it easily and now they were on the cusp of a decision that would change their lives, forever.
Sanya had risen as a master of the combat art, Sung-Gee, representing her district in the monthly challenge bouts.
The Verdict She should have known better but since the day she met Jan she had started to question all she had been taught.
That night, after the night watch left, Sanya quietly snuck out of the dorm and met Jan at the base of the wall.
" The escapee was never seen again and the Elders denied any knowledge of him.
They had matched each other in round after round, dancing, ducking striking and feinting.
Since then, they met regularly with the pretext to spar but there was more to it.
" She hesitated and glanced back at the compound, her home, the only place she knew.
They could drop from it but they would never reach it if they changed their minds.
She climbed down the rope, hung for a moment and then dropped to the forest floor.
From the guard tower she watched as they disappeared into the forest.
" "Yea, but they always explain why we shouldn't and nobody ever does.
" The elders always said they were the only colony, but were they?
Sanya, looked back at the compound one last time and quelled her doubts.
It was the first time she had seen a patrol of elders leave the compound.
Then a month ago, rumors were rife about someone who had gone missing.
Jan pulled her up from the mat and held her hand up as cheers resounded.
In the moonlight she could see the rope ended a long way from the ground.
We can ask him about the Wild when he has served his punishment.
Each time, she walked away pondering the answers she didn't have.
Sent with a wink and a smile,
A, Quill
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