Overall Thoughts:
I really liked the imagery and I liked the thoughts behind what you wrote about. However, I feel like you could expand upon your thoughts. This could make a beautiful poem or essay.
First Impressions:
Thank you for your correction in regards to the aubade form. Your piece is beautiful and it has to be one of the most vivid aubades I've ever read.
Overall Thoughts:
I love the rhythm and flow of Dawnscape. I love the imagery as well and it really painted a picture in my mind. I found no mechanical errors, however, I suggest this to every writer, it doesn't hurt to proofread it yourself to make sure you're including everything you want to be included.
Hi Shadow Prowler-Spreading Love and Happy Sunday! Thank you for entering "I Love 2000" by Future Mrs. B . I will be reviewing 1999 New Years!; please remember that these are only my opinions and feel free to take them with a grain of salt.
First Impressions:
These are such fun memories! Ah, yes, we were all worried about Y2K weren't we? I learned a lot about you from this fun piece.
Overall Thoughts:
I thought your essay flowed smoothly. I didn't find any errors, but feel free to run over it again in case you are missing something you might want to add.
Rating: ****
Final Thoughts:
Thank you for entering "I Love 2000" by Future Mrs. B and joining me on the walk down memory lane!
Hallo Itchybarn and good Sunday afternoon to you. I'm Future Mrs. B and I'll be reviewing The Infinite Bit Tournament. Please remember these are only my opinions and feel free to use whichever you find the most helpful.
First Impressions:
I'm impressed with this story! You have a lot of talent and your way with words shine inThe Infinite Bit Tournament.
Overall Thoughts: The Infinite Bit Tournament is a fun piece. I love how you introduce the characters right away and the descriptions you use. I feel like I know each character personally. I also like how you begin The Infinite Bit Tournament with the problem at hand. You don't let it linger and sometimes giving the problem right off the bat draws readers in even more.
I like the concept of The Infinite Bit Tournament and this was such a fun idea to read through. You had a clear and consise beginning, middle, and end. I love how you built up the problem and solved it - this was probably one of the best things I've read in a while.
I didn't find any mechanical or usage errors in The Infinite Bit Tournament, however, I suggest this to all writers: go back and proofread to make sure you're not missing anything pertinent.
Rating: ****
Final Thoughts:
Thank you for the trinket. Keep up the great work and write on! ~Jessica
Hello and Happy Saturday, Jacky! I'm Future Mrs. B and I'll be reviewing Perspective that I found randomly through read and review. Please remember that these are only my opinions; feel free to use whichever you find the most helpful.
First Impressions:
I love the imagery of Perspectiveand also the motion you capture.
Overall Thoughts:
I feel like this should be in the middle of a short story, instead of a micro fiction in of itself. I feel like you could introduce characters, a setting, and a plot and I think it would give more life to your piece. I'm not sure if you entered this into a contest and what the contest was about, but I would definitely recommend a longer story for Perspective.
Rating: **
Final Thoughts:
You have a lot of promise in your writing. Keep working at it and write on! ~Jessica
Good morning Kit of House Lannister and Happy Friday! I'm Future Mrs. B and I'll be reviewing I have earrings made of pennies!. Please remember that these are only opinions; feel free to use whichever you find the most helpful.
First Impressions
Ah, yes, I can totally relate to this poem! Not that I ever glued pennies to my ears, but the days of dress up and pretend. This is a cute concept.
Overall Thoughts:
I like how I have earrings made of pennies is free verse because that allows for more room to grow your poem and you took full advantage of the form. I loved the imagery and humour in this piece. You captured the essence of childhood and we can all relate to I have earrings made of pennies. I thought the piece flowed well and it read almost perfectly. I didn't feel bogged down and the read had a light feel, which is awesome for a children's piece.
As I suggest to all writers, it doesn't hurt to go back and proofread to make sure you are capturing everything you want to say. I found no mechanical errors, but it doesn't hurt to reread.
Rating: ****
Final Thoughts:
Keep up the good work and write on! Enjoy the final days of Writing.com festivities! ~Jessica
Good morning Itchybarn and Happy Friday! I'm Future Mrs. B and I'll be writing Ladybug Beach. Please remember that these are only my opinions; feel free to use whichever are the most helpful.
First Impressions:
What a fun poem! I love the way you played around with your word choice and the rhyme scheme.
Overall Impressions:
While this is a fun poem, it's also educational. I learned a lot about ladybugs from this poem, as well as chuckled along with some of your imagery. I admire how you combine the two. The ABAB format works with the theme. The meter was spot on and Ladybug Beach flowed nicely.
I suggest this to all writers because we all miss something or want to add (or subtract): PROOFREAD! I didn't spot any mechanical errors, however, a quick proofread might help you spot something you want to add or take out.
Rating: ****
Final Thoughts:
Ladybug Beach is a lovely first piece! I can't wait to read more of your work. Write on! ~Jessica
Good evening Prosperous Snow celebrating and Happy Thankful Thursday! I am Future Mrs. B and I'll be reviewing Grandma's Green Thumb. Please remember that these are only my opinions; feel free to use whichever you find most helpful.
First Impressions:
My eyes are welling and I think they sprung a leak. Touching and beautiful.
Overall Thoughts:
I really love how Grandma's Green Thumb is free verse because it allows more room for expression. The page is your oyster and you struck a pearl! I really thought the line breaks gave more expression and added to the tone of this piece. The flower imagery is gorgeous; don't all grandmas have green thumbs?
As I suggest to all writers, go back and proofread to make sure you're conveying all that you want to convey. You might discover you're missing something.
Rating: ****
Final Thoughts:
Keep up the good work and write on! Enjoy Writing.com's birthday week. ~Jessica
Hi Rhychus and good evening. I'm Future Mrs. B and I'll be reviewing Death to Pimping. Please remember these are only my opinions; feel free to take them with a grain of salt.
First Impressions:
I agree with your sentiment. I like the flow and rhyme scheme of this piece, the ABAB format works well - short and to the point.
Overall Thoughts:
Although this is a short piece, the language you use makes it powerful. The ABAB format brings your imagery to life; I like how you keep it simple. Simple is powerful and while this has a violent tone, keeping it short also didn't bring out more ferocity, which I think would have turned readers off.
I suggest this to all writers; go back and proofread to make sure you are conveying all that you want to convey. You might find that you are missing something OR you want to add or subtract something.
Rating: ***
Final Thoughts:
Keep up the good work and write on! ~Jessica
Hello TheOneGirl and good morning. I'm Future Mrs. B and I will be reviewing My Truth. Please remember that these are only my opinions; feel free to use whichever ones you find the most helpful.
First Impressions: I want to give you a hug! However, we have all felt like this - hopeless, depressed, like no one likes us. You capture the feelings of despair perfectly.
Mechanics:
However, I feel like you could include more imagery. The imagery you have is good, however, you are telling us what it feels like instead of showing us what it feels like. While despair is concrete, I think you could play around with the aesthetics of this piece so we can assign our own meaning, instead of being force fed a meaning.
I didn't find any mechanical errors, however, as I suggest to all writers, go back and proofread your poem to make sure you're including everything you want to be included. Going back could give you a fresh perspective too.
Hello and good morning. My name is Future Mrs. B and I will be reviewing Childhood Innocence. Please remember these are only my opinions; feel free to take my suggestions with a grain of salt.
First Impressions:
I like the flow and imagery. It's not an exact rhyme, but I do like the rhythm and how to images dance to that rhythm.
Overall Thoughts:
You do have some great imagery, but I feel like you could have added more. There is some rhythm, but the poem only comes half alive for me. I believe you could add more movement to the children to add more life. I believe a few more stanzas with other types of childhood play or behaviour would do the trick. Also, add more rhythm, it's sing-songy now.
I didn't find any grammatical or mechanical issues, however as I always recommend to writers, it wouldn't hurt to go back and proofread your piece to make sure you are conveying everything you want to convey.
Hello and good evening. I am Future Mrs. B and I'll be reviewing Actually The Glass Is Always Full. Please remember these are only my opinions, feel free to take advice with a grain of salt.
Wow! I absolutely loved your essay and as some one who is currently depressed, I needed this. I work two jobs and I start my full-time job early in the morning. One morning I might have to watch the sun rise, even if it's during the weekend. I remember the happiness that brought me when I was a little girl.
I didn't think this sounded like a lecture at all. It was helpful and gentle. I also found no grammatical or mechanical errors, however, it wouldn't hurt to go over this again to make sure you're conveying all you want to convey.
Hi Dragon, I'm reviewing In God We Trust for your birthday treat bag. Please remember these are only my opinions, feel free to use what is most helpful.
Impressions:
What a great thought! I know Atheists question this daily, they feel the pledge violate their right of religious freedom. The Pledge of Allegiance was written during the Cold War and the "God" phrases were added because they believed Americans were Godly people, that Capitalism was Godly and Communism wasn't Godly. If I remember correctly, most communists were Atheists and American politicians wanted to separate "us from them." This is a great debate and I'm glad you wrote this piece.
Mechanics:
I think you should add more spaces between the end of the paragraph and the new paragraphs. I know sometimes Word documents don't copy perfectly into Writing.com pieces. Other than that, I found no mechanical errors; however, it wouldn't hurt to go back to proofread to make sure you're conveying all you want to convey.
Rating: ****
Final Thoughts:
Keep up the good work and write on!
Hello and good morning! I'm dunkelhetster and I'll be reviewing Caught In the Rain for Choconut ~ House Targaryen's raffle. Please remember that these are only opinions, feel free to take the advice that is most helpful to you.
First Impressions:
I really like the alliteration and repetition of Caught in the Rain and the imagery you created with your word play.
Overall Thoughts:
While I thought this piece was beautifully written, one phrase stood out to me:
>>The sun was hid, there was no glow<<
I'd edit it because I don't like the way it sounds. While it makes the line shorter, it doesn't sound or flow right. I'd suggest:
The hiding sun caused no glow
Other than that, I thought the poem sounded great. However, I'd suggest proofreading to make sure you're including everything you want to be included.
Final Thoughts:
Keep writing and experimenting with poetry! You're doing great so far! Write on!
Hallo, iluvhorses and good morning! I'm Future Mrs. B and I am reviewing your poem, Life Links for Lyn's a sly fox 's fundraiser for Simply Positive Group. Please remember these are only my opinions; feel free to take suggestions at face value.
First Impressions:
Hmmm, I'm not sure about Life Links because it seems very short and not much to this poem. I have never heard of the Septolet form and had to look it up. You do follow the form well and you do create a picture, I guess I am just not too keen on the subject matter. Nothing on your part, just on my part as the reader.
Overall Impressions:
With that said, I am glad I chose this piece because I learned about a new poetry style! While this is not my favorite poem, I do like the imagery you use. I also like the flow and it reminds me of a triolet. It is short and the writer must pack a good deal into a short poem, without overwhelming the reader. I think you did this well.
I found no mechanical errors; however, I always suggest to writers to go back and proofread to make sure they are not missing anything that they thought they've put into a poem, but didn't.
Rating: ***
Final Thoughts:
I'll have to try this form of poetry! I hope you do write more in this form because you do have a way with words and creating images. Please keep writing and creating! ~Jessica
Hallo, iluvhorses and good morning! I'm Future Mrs. B and I am reviewing your poem, Ingrate to grateful for Lyn's a sly fox 's fundraiser for Simply Positive Group. Please remember these are only my opinions; feel free to take suggestions at face value.
First Impressions:
I could relate to Ingrate to grateful because I've been there and done that; in fact, I have been feeling that way a lot lately. While this free verse is short, it packs a lot of emotion and thought into what is being read.
Overall Impressions:
With that said, I love the simplicity of this poem. I love how there is a lesson at the end of a transformation. While there wasn't much imagery, I liked how this poem forces the reader to look at their life.
I thought the rhythm and flow was spot on, I found no mechanical errors; however, I always suggest to writers to go back and proofread to make sure they are not missing anything that they thought they've put into a poem, but didn't.
Rating: ***
Final Thoughts:
I thoroughly enjoyed this piece and it gave me some ideas to ponder. Please keep writing and creating! ~Jessica
Hallo, iluvhorses and good morning! I'm Future Mrs. B and I am reviewing your poem, Alcove Window Seat for Lyn's a sly fox's fundraiser for Simply Positive Group. Please remember these are only my opinions; feel free to take suggestions at face value.
First Impressions:
I really like Alcove Window Seat because the free verse is simple, but packs a lot of imagery and meaning. Lately, I've been reading a lot of free verse because sometimes a rhyme scheme takes away from the true meaning of a poem. In this poem, the free verse nature creates some movement of me actually looking from the window.
Overall Impressions:
With that said, I love the imagery and movement you have created. Your words and rhythm create peace and since this poem is not forced into a rhyme scheme, this poem is natural and not forced. These words reflect if someone was looking outside of an alcove window and what the sights do to the view.
I thought the rhythm and flow was spot on, I found no mechanical errors; however, I always suggest to writers to go back and proofread to make sure they are not missing anything that they thought they've put into a poem, but didn't.
Rating: ****
Final Thoughts:
I thoroughly enjoyed this piece. Please keep writing and creating! ~Jessica
Hi Joy and good afternoon! I was perusing through your port and came across your Jottings From Journeys journal. Being the aspiring travel bug I am, I had to check this journal out.
I'm so glad I did! I loved reading about your adventures and the stories about your adventures. I hope you have pictures because I think you should really print out these stories to place with pictures. It's fun to look over where you have been. This would pair nicely with a scrapbook.
I have no suggestions or edits. Everything looks fine grammatically and this was put together well. You have inspired me to make my own journal of this year. Shame I didn't think of it earlier. Maybe I'll put together items in a folder.
First Impressions:
I think CLASH! Original Character Tournament would be a great warm-up exercise to those who will be participating in Octoprep Month Challenge, then going on to write for NaNoWriMo. I feel that CLASH! helps people prepare for their short stories, or novels, or longer non-fiction, especially by giving tips on how create a character that is compelling.
Overall Thoughts:
I think it's important for all writers to have these habits, especially list-making that acts as a profile. I also believe having an introductory story helps and being in a supportive environment is a necessary process in the writing process. CLASH! is a great way to connect with other writers, hear feedback, and obtain ideas from their suggestions on how to make their piece pop.
However, I see you haven't had a tournament in close to ten months. I hope you do continue with CLASH! and more regularly. I also think maybe you should include non-fiction stories: or maybe create another activity similar. :)
Rating: ****
Final Thoughts:
What a great idea and activity, Elle! Thank you for creating a safe space for writers to explore, and by also giving them confidence to write longer pieces with their character/characters. Keep up the great work and write on!
Hello and good morning. My name is Future Mrs. B and I'm reviewing A poem for Chance as part of your prize package from Dragon is hiding's Chinese New Year raffle. Please remember these are only my thoughts and opinions; feel free to use whichever you find the most helpful.
First Impressions:
As a cat mom, especially as a family that adopted a rescue cat, I know these feelings all too well. I'm glad Chance is doing well and thriving. I thought this poem was beautiful and really captured a relationship well.
Overall Thoughts:
I really liked this poem because I like the story behind the poem. As I mentioned, we've adopted a rescue cat (she passed away in 2012... we had her for 4 years; she was 13 when we adopted her in 2008) and we remember feeling these feelings of "will she survive?" She did and I'm glad Chance did as well.
I think the rhyme scheme works well A poem for Chance because it fits the message perfectly. The meter, rhythm, and flow also worked perfectly with this poem. Of course, your imagery was spot on as well.
I didn't find any mechanical errors, but it doesn't hurt to go back and proofread to make sure you're conveying all you want to convey.
Rating: ****
Final Thoughts:
Keep up the great work and write on!
What a powerful letter and I'm glad you mentioned other cancer warriors as well because cancer sucks in general. I thought your letter was heart felt; it had a lot of emotion to it, especially anger and sadness. However, you had a lot of hope in the letter - that we can stamp out cancer and if it is detected in time from all of the very helpful screens out there, it can be fought.
I thought this letter was well-written and empathetic to all those who have fought the battle. I'm glad you mentioned the screenings in this letter as well. Good luck!
Hello Rhyssa and good evening. I'm Future Mrs. B and I'll be reviewing the potassium drip for kiyasama's a very Wodehouse challenge. Please remember these are my thoughts and opinions; use whichever you find the most helpful.
First Impressions:
You did a really good job writing this poem in the parameters of the prompt. Sometimes prompts can be a challenge, but you did a great job with this. I really like your imagery and can imagine the pain ::cringe::.
Overall Thoughts:
I really like how you play with the words and the imagery you evoke in the potassium drip. I could really feel the pain, although I've never had such an experience, because the way you wrote the poem really made the feelings come alive.
I also like the rhyme scheme, although in some areas, the flow is a bit off. For example:
when the nurse makes her rounds
I ask her why I burn.
potassium, she tells me.
she checks the bags, adj
I would cut down the "nurse makes her rounds" a bit or change the wording because it threw the flow off a little. Other than that, the only suggestion I can make is proofreading again. It read fine, but I always suggest it in case the writer forgot to mention something. It's always good to go back and check your work, anyway.
Rating: ***
Final Thoughts:
Great job with the prompt and good job creating your own story! Keep up the good work and write on! ~Jessica
Hello Dr M C Gupta and good evening. I'm Future Mrs. B and I'll be reviewing AN IRONICAL LIFE for kiyasama's a very Wodehouse challenge. Please remember that these are only my opinions; feel free to take whichever suggestions you feel are the most helpful.
First Impressions:
This is a good poem to sum up such a sad situation. I remember this media circus like it was yesterday. I felt bad for Terry and you captured the sentiments well. You present a good argument in poetic form.
Overall Thoughts:
I like the rhyme scheme and flow of AN IRONICAL LIFE; I like the ABAB scheme and the way you played with words. You simplified the conflict, but didn't make the average person feel like they were an idiot while reading this piece. As I said in the first impressions, I really felt bad for Terry. I think they should have let the poor woman die and they did. What a media circus, though.
The only suggestion I'd have for this piece is to proofread to make sure you're conveying all you want to convey. Maybe you could have a part II of this poem for other cases like this? That could be interesting!
Rating: ***
Final Thoughts:
Keep up the good work and write on! ~Jessica
Hallo and good afternoon. I'm Future Mrs. B and I'll be reviewing To Go Around. Please remember these are only my opinions; take whichever you find the most helpful.
First Impressions:
Hmmm... I'm not sure about this poem. I'd say this is an outline of a poem that could be expanded into something bigger. I think if you expand upon ideas, add more detail, play around with the words, this could be a powerful educational tool for pre-teens and teens to read.
Overall Thoughts:
As I mentioned above, this needs to be expanded upon - this is only the tip of an iceberg. I think you should add more lessons, more examples, but also play around with the words figuratively so it's not accusing young adults of certain transgressions. I think by expanding and playing around with this poem, it can be something great.
Hi jackie and good afternoon. I'm Future Mrs. B and I'll be reviewing I Want To Finish This Poem hopeless case for kiyasama's a very Wodehouse challenge. Please remember that these are only my opinions - feel free to take whichever you find the most helpful.
First Impression:
I really like this poem, although the subject is sad - sadly, these types of addictions are becoming more common. I like the sing-songy feeling to this poem because I think more people can relate to it in that format... it makes the "pill" go down smoother.
Overall Thoughts:
I mentioned that in the first impressions because most people associate poetry with the AABB rhyme scheme, which you use in this poem. I think that format, because it's so sing-songy is easier for common people to digest and learn - especially for a topic like addiction to opiates, opioids, or other medications.
I noticed some mechanical errors:
The panic the shakes the nightmares
As long as I had my miracle pills
I thought, Who really cares.
The panic, the shakes, the nightmares--
As long as I had my miracle pills,
I thought, Who really cares.
I also think this poem needs a bit more punctuation... so people can take a little breath. Other than that, I would suggest proofreading some more to make sure you're conveying all you want to convey.
Rating: ***
Final Thoughts:
I hope things have gotten better for you. Please continue the fight and write on! ~Jessica
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I want to give you a hug! However, we have all felt like this - hopeless, depressed, like no one likes us. You capture the feelings of despair perfectly.
