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Review Requests: ON
1,115 Public Reviews Given
1,356 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Disclaimer: I am not good at remembering to do requested reviews. Often I have busy things going on with work and my own novels, so sorry if I decline or don't remember to do a review in the short time given. Just a warning. When I review: Long. Depending on the type of story and reason for review I tend to get anywhere from 4,000 characters to on the rare occasion over 10,000. I will make overall comments, technical points and even offer sources when necessary but a lot is dependent on what I'm reviewing. I can even do a full edit but that's take a lot of niceness and time.
I'm good at...
Ummm let me ask someone and get back to you on this.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy. I read a lot of romance/erotica because of the contest I run. I'm fairly open and will read stories, poems, nonfiction, chapters, almost anything.
Least Favorite Genres
I know less about mystery, horror, some nonfiction topics, and westerns. I also don't care for vampires, sorry but just don't interest me.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories.
Least Favorite Item Types
Probably campfires and interactives. Maybe surveys and polls too though I can always managed to find enough to say.
I will not review...
Shrink or Growth items. I've seen references and yeah, not my type. Erotica is one thing, I can handle most with only few times leaving a story feeling scarred for life, but those two I have no interest in helping. So, unless you want me to say please stop, don't request I review that and if you do, better have it rated appropriately.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello there, Victor Storm .

I found your research piece that relates to cats very interesting and wanted to send over some thoughts/comments in reaction to the article. It's something I wasn't expected to find. However, as an owner of two cats and since I pet sit other people's cats on the side, I found it an interesting concept.

The topic was something I had never heard before. Would not have thought to use a wet toothbrush on a cat. I know some like brushes, whether made for pets or even just human brushes. One of my cats is weird cause she acts calmer when she is wearing little outfits while other cats absolutely refuse. So, it's an interesting premise that the cats would get such results from a toothbrush. I can sort of see the correlation between the bristles of the brush and the sandpapery feel of the cats tongue.

Different home settings for the cats does provide a good showcase of the different dynamics and the possible reasons they may have initial reluctance towards humans. Can see how that would help showcase the results from the toothbrush experiment.

The only part I struggle with in relations to the result is the assertion that the reason it created calm is the memory of the mother. It's a possibility, since they would have the same features, however, that does require an assumption or knowledge that they were around a mother cat long enough to receive those initial sparks. My doubt may be due in part to the fact I work with human behavior but I'm not allowed to list a reason for most of the behaviors that aren't something that can be observed. If the person doesn't say this is why I hit the table, I can list the action but I can't say "he was angry that the card was moved" even if that is a possible reason. Maybe can postulate as a possibility but can put things with certainty as just the data collecting tech. With the cats, I wish I could read their thoughts or have them communicate. Maybe then I will know what JiJi wants when she is being very vocal.

For now, I have a cat napping on my foot as I enjoy the item you provided here on the site. Thank you for sharing something with such a different topic and providing some new information.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
2
2
Review of A girl named Ann  
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello there, Purple is House Florent .

I found this poem through the random reads option and it inspired me to write a little review. It's fun to see a light poem that manages the right amount of humor. I just have a few thoughts overall to share. Thank you for providing the limerick here on WDC and I hope that you've had fun with the GoT challenge that gave the inspiration for it.

Initial Impression: Most of the time, I'm not a big fan of the colorful fonts for items that are submitted in contests or something someone may be developing for publication submission. However, there are times when it does make sense. Aside from prompts that require making sure a certain set of words stand out, I would say you have the other good reason here. Something about a user who goes by Purple Princess using a purple font for a limerick about a girl named Ann just makes sense. I like the usage here and it gives the poem just the right touch of flair.

Technical Side: The limerick is one form that I've only done a couple of times since I'm not very funny. I think you took a good approach in crating a limerick and the prompt made sense considering the approach you took. While it's not the most unexpected, considering the rhyme scheme and the name Ann, but it doesn't need to be something out of left field. Only thing I would maybe suggest is to look at the third line in the stanza. The word "woud" throws me off because my brain tries to change it to wood for the sound but that doesn't make sense in the context of the sentence. Even my autocorrect thinks it should be "would" and that is probably what you meant. However, if you wanted to keep the l out for some reason, maybe put in the little ' symbol which sometimes gets used in words when skipping a letter or two for dialect purposes. Still probably should just be "would".

Other than that, everything looks great. I got a little chuckle out of this poem. It's fun and that's the whole point of a limerick. Nice work and keep writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
3
3
Review of Saint James  
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello there, bonnita. I have come across your poem at random and it draws me it to the point where I would like to share some thoughts as a reader. This is just my point of view with a couple of suggestions that you may consider if you want to develop this poem a little more.

Topic: It is an interesting topic with the description giving enough detail for a reader perusing your portfolio to consider what might be found within the item. This is a good choice in topic that bodes well for something poetic.

Technical: I am actually a fan of some poems that decide not to use punctuation. I will let you know that based on many years experience here on the site, not everyone will feel the same. Some readers may recommend adding punctuation to give it a more formal, sentence structure. While I do have a suggestion in relation to the structure of the poem, I will not be one to say that it needs particular punctuation at the end of a line. Keep that element the way it is if that is a style you prefer to write. Just be aware there may be comments that suggest otherwise.

Form: Free form is nice in that it allows the poet to kind of do whatever they want with the lines and structures. If you wanted to work on this poem to develop it more, there are a couple of things that you can consider that may help when it comes to reading and flow. While, it doesn't necessarily need commas or the like, one thing you could consider is maybe changing the structure. Instead of having a space between every single line, you could play with the idea of stanzas and group certain lines together. They don't all need to be one and they don't even have to have the same number of lines per stanza. That is where you can have fun to play around with this poem. Test out different combinations to see what works best. I think the last two lines in particular could stand together as a 2 line stanza, just for example. Or it could be combined with a couple of the lines that are above.

I also suggest, perhaps, to read the lines out loud. It is much easier to do with short poems compared to novel chapters when editing. Listen to how the lines sound. There may be some repetition of words or a framing of a line that could be written in a stronger way that will continue to show what you want from the poem. Just an idea.


Overall, I hope that you enjoy sharing your work on the site. My rating is based on a personal standard with 5 stars being rare since many of us use the site for rough drafts and don't have as much that is "publication ready" so just to let you know even my own writing is more of 3/4 stars. I hope to see you around the site and maybe check out what more creative bits you have to offer.

Have a nice day.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
4
4
Review of Mall Misadventure  
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Greetings. Scarypotato-doing bettertoday

I am reviewing your story today as part of "I Write in 2024"  [13+]. I hope that you've enjoyed the challenge so far and are having fun with writing.


Initial Reaction: Haha. Well, you did manage something quite well and that was to get me to chuckle when reading this story, which is good considering you were using comedy as the prompt for the contest entered. I do appreciate a good tale about kids and the fun they can create (or terror depending on the point of view). it is fun and fits with the characters presented.


Contest/Prompt: This is a fun challenge because you were given a prompt that focuses on genre but gives some options. It's fairly open in that way, so that you could write almost anything you wanted as long as it fit within the genres as part of the options listed. Picking comedy, of course, is a fun choice. This does read well enough within the genre that it shouldn't have any problems in the contest.


Final Notes and Other Thoughts: The only thing that caused me to struggle would have to be the beginning. It felt like it started, went back some so that I wasn't sure who was the focus and where they were at for the start. I guessed that maybe it was the intention. The kid running away, which happens later in the story does draw the attention of the reader. However, the way it seems to snap to explain a little that the character is wanting to give her sister a break while also making sure the kids enjoy time with grandpa.

Once things get going, it's easier to sink into the story and start to see the characters in their own personality details. It is entertaining and on the light side, which can be appreciated. This is also something that feels realistic. People will be able to relate, or at least those with some kid watching experiences under their belts.

And semi-seriously... Who wears flip-flops when babysitting rambunctious kids when taking them out in public? lol

Overall, nice work and good luck with the contest. Keep writing!


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
5
5
for entry "~ Sky Diving ~" 
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings. ruwth

I am reviewing your story today as part of "I Write in 2024"  [13+] as I have posted in the forum after you. It is fun to see you on the challenge and I hope that you are enjoying the time writing too.

Initial Reaction: Oh, I know this contest. I noticed it a little bit ago in the contest in & out where it caught my attention. It has an interesting premise as a contest and it's fun to see what someone decided to write considering the prompts available. And this is a good choice of topic. You have a fun set of options and really show it with giving both the personal account type account along with the very different instructor account. It is an entertaining set of different viewpoints surrounding a crazy event: sky diving. I like the little quirks added to the characters considering each one had to be limited by a very small word count.

Contest/Prompt: The contest brings about quite the challenge considering it is taking more than one point of view for the same exact scene that is done at a very limited word count. I liked the idea of the contest but most of the prompts were a little too specific for my taste. I have so many characters that I try to find prompts that I can use to work on current ideas instead of creating even more. However, I see there is the addition of the more open prompt, so can see why you decided to go with that one. Okay and the word count is a little too low for me most of the time. Well done in being able to do each section in such a limited allowance. You follow the prompt well and that will qualify just fine for the contest.

Final Notes and Other Thoughts: Overall, you did quite well with this particular challenge. I really liked the little quip that was created with the first person writing out her will and the instructor noticing. And it is also cute the use of "piglet" for the granddaughter, having it attached to her harness. I liked the little touches in each section because that is what really gave the situation flavor and is what will entertain the readers.

Good job with the story and good luck!


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
6
6
Review of Wonderland 2024  
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings. Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk

I am reviewing your story today as part of "I Write in 2024"  [13+] since you posted in the forum before me. It was fun to get to see an entry for part of the Wonderland. I've looked at that one but never entered, so I am enjoying the chance to see some of the challenges that came with that.


Initial Reaction: This one was interesting. It can be hard, at times to do something that is supposed to be historical. But creative nonfiction can really make it something readers will want to check out since it has the read of fiction but involves the fact inside the story.

Contest/Prompt: The contest is a fun one and hopefully you are doing well with the different challenges it presents. I am sure you are managing well. The prompt with the history element does well in this flash fiction story. The addition of the information at the end of the item helps. I don't often put the prompt at the beginning but think that for the particular challenge, it's a good choice.

Final Notes and Other Thoughts: Overall, this was entertaining. Reminded me a little of a story I had just finished listening to in part due to the title but also the creation of the museum. I just read a book about a mystery that had the word curiosities in the title and had clues related to Barnum curious items including a fake "mermaid" that was a taxidermy animal basically. It is interesting to know that Teddy Roosevelt created a little museum of natural history. And I liked seeing it through the character himself showing a little spunk and ingenuity.

Nice work!


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7
7
Review of Contest Entries  
for entry "A Second Friend" 
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with Team Weekly Quickie & Contest ...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi there Angelica- House Florent B & W

Thank you for taking the time to enter the last February prompt for Weekly Quickie and the attempt at Bro Code topics for inspiration. I appreciated you taking the time to present something for the week.


First Impression: A short attempt to showcase the group of friends, a set of friends intermixing in a different setting. This shows support among characters in a particular location with the hopes of trying support a particular element involved.


Prompt: This does focus on the friends. It's a little hard to see the romance with the approach, since it's obviously not an attempt at erotica, for the general purpose of the contest. It does focus on the prompt, at least. We get friends and the providing support even if it's something that isn't in their same beliefs, or in this case the same diet.

Characters/Story: One thing I had been told in writing workshops or conference, something like that, before was to be cautious about character names. It is sometimes recommending to not use the same letters for too many characters or have names that sound similar. While we don't have to avoid some similar sounds all of the time, I think it does show up a bit with your story why it can be a challenge. In the first paragraph you have Joe, Doe and Zoe. I got lost with the names and didn't know who any of the characters. It would work better in a long story where we got to have an introduction to the characters on their own in order to know some detail about them to latch onto in connection with the name. Just makes it a little hard to follow what is going on.

I do like you have the friends in the story and the addition of the vegetarian element. Since most of them follow that diet, except the two (if I read that right) that does provide something to show more character. And the use of the element in relation to the prompt was a nice choice.


Other Notes: I also know that you did this last minute to help give me something for the contest. That I appreciate even if there are some challenges that made it a little difficult to read. It was a good approach to friends. Thank you!


Thank you for entering the Weekly Quickie.


~~Image ID# 1850193's Content Rating Exceeds Item Content Rating~~


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
8
8
Review of Homecoming  
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with Team Weekly Quickie & Contest ...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi there Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk

Thank you for entering one of the rounds in February for Weekly Quickie contest. I appreciated the entry even though it was a month with very few of them. It's always hard to judge how a prompt will go and I know I get wordy in them... Anyways, thank you for the entry with the Ex Mess.

First Impression: This was quite a good Ex Mess situation for a Quickie. I liked that for this particular one, you stuck more to the romance side of the contest instead of the erotica. Seems like a wise decision in this case. Sure, it will get erotic later once they make it past the stairs but for this moment, the reader gets a nice bit of romance.

Prompt: This one does work well for the prompt. While we don't get a lot of the friend part, we get enough information to know that there is a friendship but also a stepping over a sort of boundary. Not sure how the friend will react but that's for a much later scene, if it ever develops more.

Characters/Story: It is kind of interesting that a decent number of stories include a character who does photography and/or photojournalism. Even in the type I read, I've seen a few. One included guys who did the travel thing along with wedding photos and stuff for members of the BDSM community. Others take a different approach as to what they get from the career or if it's a distraction. Granted, we only get a little information into the character in a quickie but it does give an interesting twist and helps make it believable that he was able to hold back by keeping his distance in that way.

Other Notes: Overall, you did a good job with the writing. I often can easily enjoy the stories you create with your writing approach and voice. We get at least some character and story while having the limit under word count requirements. Nice job and I hope the characters get their happy ever after.


Thank you for entering the Weekly Quickie. Keep Writing!


an image made for the contests I host and take part in that are adult orientated


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
9
9
Review of Food  
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings Genipher .

I am reviewing your story today as part of "I Write in 2024"  [13+]. It's nice to get the chance to review someone that I've never had the chance before. Often, I post after some people I know so this is a fun week to read something new.

Initial Reaction: That is one concise gold fish. While it is unusual to have one that talks, it is interesting that you went with one that goes straight to the point instead of spouting off a lot of stuff. You manage to get character with both just in how they spoke and the word choices used. An amusing little piece of flash fiction about a guy who has a talking goldfish.


Contest/Prompt: Ah the good ol' dialogue only contest. Nice choice. It is a challenge when you can't add any descriptive details in order to distinguish between the characters. While we can get the sense of a back and forth conversation, this contests still provides a definite challenge for both the writer and the reader. I didn't know the prompt as I haven't looked at the contest in a while. It's a funny thought, the goldfish that can speak This entry does fit the prompt well.


General Thoughts and Final Notes: Overall, you did a nice job trying to get the story done in just dialogue. I like the voices you created here. The guy was a little flustered, a touch annoyed and yet at ease talking with his fish. I like that you didn't go with the surprise moment when someone finds out the fish speaks. Instead, it was old hat for the two. And the fish might not say much but it clearly knows what is important and has devotion as the pet. It was also entertaining.

I don't know if the round has finished or not yet. I don't see anything that could be changed. It's a fun story and I hope it does well in the contest. Keep writing! *PenO*


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
10
10
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings, 💙 Carly .

I am reviewing your story today as part of "I Write in 2024"  [13+]


Initial Reaction: Based on the contest, I knew to expect something short. Since the daily flash fiction challenge has a low word count limit due to flash fiction part. I didn't know what to expect from the story other than something related to the phrase, which was also the prompt. This is definitely something different and able to paint a picture of a scene within the minimal time (word count) allowed. It's a fun little bit, yet could also go for more.

Contest/Prompt: This is a fun contest since it's very quick due to the short deadlines, kind of like Writer's Cramp. Have a single day to write a very short story. The prompts are often open to interpretation and can create a variety of stories. Your choice does make sense and makes a good use of the prompt, which was necessary and fit within the contest of the characters along with their situation.

Characters: I like the dynamic between the characters. Even though we don't get any information on appearances or details on either of them, it still feels like enough. We do get the sense that they are someone. I didn't mind the first person approach and having limited information on the POV character. It works in this case.

Final Thoughts: I like the approach but am stuck with one question. What were they doing? Like, I sort of get the ideas in the story. They are breaking into the room and using the computer, hacker style. But I don't have the reason. I am not sure on the why for the characters action. So, that leave me feeling a little unresolved. You may be doing that on purpose. Some will appreciate it and other readers may not like missing the information. That is up to you whether it gets added or not. Good luck!



Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
11
11
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with Team Weekly Quickie & Contest ...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello GERVIC 🐉 House Targaryen

Thank you for entering the Weekly Quickie contest during a week that had a fun prompt but you were the only entry. I appreciated you taking the time to write this story. This review is just some of my thoughts as the reader/judge.

First Impression: Happy to have an entry for a prompt and one with an interesting twist. While I am faintly familiar with the VR technology used in training for athletes, it never would have crossed my mind for that to be part of a Quickie story. It isa good start, this entry, with a peek into the lives of the two athletes and their relationship.

Prompt: You hit the prompt with this entry, for sure. All we needed to see was two characters in some type of romantic thing together where they each played a different sport. You've got a fighter and a tennis player. Fun part, there was a story where a hockey player had a sister who played tennis and they had memes made from pictures of how they looked when watching each other due to the sheer boredom. Not romantic but it gave me the idea for the prompt. Can be fun when there is that question of who is superior in regards to the macho world of sports.

Characters/Story: This is a good start with the characters. Obviously, there is some limitation considering the story is less than 600 words in length. We would get more with a longer story. But we do get a peek at not just the characters but the dynamic between the two, which is important.

Other Notes: You did well overall with the flash fiction piece. I always want more, cause I like novellas and novels but can appreciate what you put for the contest. The end is a nice wrap up even if it's more of a tell aspect compared to show. The characters are fun and you did all in meeting the prompt.


Thank you for entering the Weekly Quickie. Keep Writing!


an image made for the contests I host and take part in that are adult orientated


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
12
12
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings Beck Firing back up! .

I am reviewing your story today as part of "I Write in 2024"  [13+] since I posted in the forum after you. Happy to give a review and share my thoughts since we also entered the same contest.


Initial Reaction: It is definitely a fun story, taking the meteorologist route with the contest prompt. You took an amusing take with the characters and the use of names to showcase the animal elements that were required. I was a little torn with how to feel on the approach as part of me liked the more show focus but a little part of me also wanted to be told a few details.

Contest/Prompt: The contest is a fun one with different prompts every single day, which makes it a good choice for the I Write challenge. Granted, not all of the prompts are as appealing but this one caught our attention along with others. This does follow the prompt in that the characters are animals but judging by the names, none of them are the groundhog and are not meant to be humans even if they are human-like with the existence of the news company and weather predictor role. And it works in particular because with some I read, I couldn't even tell the animal referenced. While I wasn't 100 percent sure, since going off cues, we still had enough information to go by with your approach. And it looks like we both went with some type of penguin (maybe, if Pen is a penguin).

Other Notes and Thoughts: Nice work!

I don't have much that I can say against it. I do like that you used hints with the characters, but also a little part of me wanted a confirmation. And I kinda hope Daisy is not a cow and probably should avoid duck cause copyright (Disney might notice, lol), just to not be too on the nose for every critter/person.

One minor suggestion would be to maybe change the title. It sort of gives things away that the move is going to happen so we sort of know the position is given. That takes away a little of the potential conflict and makes the story feel more than just a conversation. Not bad but has potential to give a little more for the reader. Nice work with this story based off the Groundhog Day prompt.

Keep Writing!


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
13
13
Review of The Cleansing  
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings Kåre Enga in Udon Thani

I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt.


First Impression: While I'm not a fan of vampires, the particular approach did make things interesting. I have some medical background and the approach with the return of something, just not the taking of energies/blood is a good idea. You have a creative character and managed quite a bit within the very short amount of words.

Prompt: This type of character is a little obvious from the prompt and the most popular. Even so, you did take the character a different route in how you showed the conflict with the misunderstood requirement.


Other Thoughts: Thank you for the different notes at the end and I like that you did it footnote style with the numbers. That does help and gives a good approach with the kind of information that may be unknown to some readers. Plus the name factor is just amusing to add that as the first note. Well done overall.




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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
14
14
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Greetings Kotori Tachibana

I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt.


First Impression: This is a good start to a story. For me, this is more of an idea and free write to feel things out but not quite the finished product. There is information about the character and some of the struggles. for the life of an atypical vampire but it's very much told to the reader. It has potential but will need some work.

Prompt: This does have the elements requested for the prompt since it required a classic horror character who isn't really the villain, just misunderstood. So, the vampire was an expected choice but one that does make it easy to qualify for the contest. With some work, this could be an interesting vampire for readers to enjoy.

Other Notes and Final Thoughts: While I have a number of thoughts, I am going to limit things here as to not go overboard in one review. If you ever want to chat writing, just send me an email and I'll respond as soon as I can. There are some technical elements you could consider but first I would suggest starting on some work on the tell versus show aspect for writing. I may not care for vampires, but I would have enjoyed the story more if I'd gotten to see things from Raluca's point of view instead of being told about her. And it doesn't have to be first person as third person can have more show.

It feels like the story is missing dialogue and action because of the current method to the approach in story telling. Will take some progress, but I think you can take the character and idea, work on the writing skill and come up with something many readers will appreciate. Sure there are many stories about vampires that aren't the horrible creatures of horror stories, but the character can give a reader a different spin they will appreciate.

Only technical point I would mention is maybe try not to have a really big block of text with the very big paragraphs or the lack of space between paragraphs. A little space will help for the online reader. Just a technical suggestion but will help with an easy fix of an extra return between paragraphs so something that is easier to execute.

Thank you for taking the time to attempt the prompt. I do hope you enjoyed the challenge and keep writing.


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
15
15
Review of Doomsday  
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Greetings Beholden

I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt.


First Impression: I didn't know what to expect with this one. It did have something interesting going on, if I wasn't always able to follow the story with ease. The characters are something to catch a readers attention and the end brings things to a particular point.


Prompt: To be honest, I'm not the most knowledge on classic horror characters so that may have been a downfall for me as a judge for this particular prompt. I can assume it fits well enough to qualify for the contest but I wouldn't be able to tell someone how there was a known villain in the story that was misunderstood. Maybe a note at the bottom along with the prompt would help for those of us less knowledgeable on the topic would help.


Final Thoughts: While I might not have been the best reader for this particular one, I can appreciate the approach taken with the story telling. I also did like that you came up with something different. Even without recognizing the particular character used, it avoided the risk of overdone choices and that I can enjoy. Nice work.

Keep writing *Penw*


Sig I bought to put on my reviews.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
16
16
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings. PureSciFi

I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt.


First Impression: Nice to see some speculative fiction, in any contest, as that's my preferred approach. While I lean to fantasy over sci-fi, with your username and track record, I know what to expect and enjoy the unique approaches you take. This story is no exception to that and was an interesting read.


Prompt: While I am not aware of the deathbringer when it comes to "known" villains, it's easy enough to tell there is a reason for the choice based on the prompt. And it was a nice change compared to some of the other, over expected choices. In any prompt where there is something overly expected, having something different can be appreciated.


Final Thoughts: Overall, this was a good approach in using a character that is shown as one that others view as a villain or bad but that view is misguided. It's different, which I did like. I might not have always understood what was going on, but I could tell enough to appreciate where the story went. The downside, is that with the limited word count and type of story, you had to put in enough information to keep the reader in the loop without going overboard and risk the word count issue. Could use a couple minor tweaks, check out for weak word choices that could be made stronger. Still, it's well done. Good job.

Keep Writing *PenR*


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17
17
Review of Con-text  
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings THANKFUL SONALI 17 WDC YEARS!

I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt.


First Impression: This one was amusing. And it's no surprise when I checked out the author name by the suitcase *Wink* but I tend to look at that last most of the time. The choice in character wasn't the most surprising but the approach made it work with the fun amount and use of context for the story.


Prompt: This took a very expected character and finding a different approach with the use of the prompt. This was a very amusing approach to both the prompt and the character. Made it easy to see the qualification for the contest but also gives room for other readers.


Final Thoughts: My attention was gained from the start. While the vampire approach was overly expected and not my preferred character, it was a great approach considering the prompt and not expected approach taken with the story. You found a way to make the character different and the story one that would stand out among the other attempts. Well done.

Keep Writing *Penw*


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18
18
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Greetings Amethyst Angel (House Mormont)

I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt.


First Impression: While the vampire character is not one I prefer, this story did have some aspects of character and moments where it caught my attention. Even with the first person point of view there is a development of character that some readers will really enjoy.


Prompt: While a vampire character is no surprise with the prompt, that aspect does mean it's easy enough to see the qualification for the contest. While there are a number of tales that show a not evil vampire, it was still a good approach and you managed to find a way to add elements to make it more interesting, which helps move beyond some of the "expected" territory.


Final Comments: The dog part is a nice little touch. Never would have thought to add the pet but it also makes sense. I would want my cat to come with me to into the different life if that was possible. The Dracula book comment is also amusing though may throw off some readers since it's breaks the barrier between the story and the reader. Sometimes having a character day "you" when they mean the reader, some are not fans of that but others won't mind at all. Nice work with the story you created finding a different way to use the vampire character and how you put them to be misunderstood.




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19
19
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings Author Ed Anderson

I am reviewing your story today for the official contest, "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the contest and making the attempt at the character presented by the prompt.


First Impression: This is quite the different take. While I was a little uncertain about the mummy aspect, since I would have thought the mummies are dead but can move, sort of, but that's okay. I appreciated the approach with the character choices and the personality brought into the mix. Plus, you got in some funny little jokes like the sunrise comment.


Prompt: You managed to get a number of characters within the short story that would qualify and okay, sure one is the villain but not all were. Time travel person, vampire, demon, wizard, oh my... *Wink* I liked the approach because you were able to put personality into the point of view character while also giving a different approach than one would expect from a typical, not as surprising choice: vampire. Nice work with the interpretation of the prompt.


Final Thoughts: Overall, this was a nice approach to the challenge with the character contests. You managed to get an interesting cast within a short story. It does have a lot going on and might have benefited from a few extra words but in the end, you did well.

Keep Writing *PenV*


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20
20
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings. H❀pe of House Lannister

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the character focused prompt.


Initial Reaction: It is a nice start though minimal in story and word count. Though it does take a challenge to put something together in the micro-fiction range. However, with the potential of getting to see a non-villain side of known characters, it would have helped to get more.

Prompt: Considering the prompt, doing something related to the characters in Frankenstein does make sense. The story has the options of the monster, the master and the servant. There is even a video game that centers around the characters, Igor, though I don't think I played enough to see what the plot was set up for that one. While this isn't a particular character that comes to mind as a big bad guy, I do see the reason for the pick so no worries in qualification.

General Thoughts: This has potential but felt limited and a little lacking for me when it comes to story. I just wanted more. But I do really like how you started the story and hope that you had fun with the challenge of the contest.


Keep Writing. *PenB*


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21
21
Review by Dawn Embers
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello WriterRick .

My name is Dawn and I'm reviewing your item as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest"  [E]. Thank you for entering the official contest with the character focused prompt.

First Impression: Vampire is something I did expect considering the prompt and the month of the challenge. Represented a challenge in a way, to pick that character out of the options. Viktor makes sense in the options and can see the prompt in how you approached the story, so that is helpful.

Prompt: The character prompt was a fun one for October with the "villain" becoming the focus with the indication that they aren't actually a bad person. With the requirement, this story fits well. Having the vampire from Transylvania be a misconstrued figure, one side characters fear but someone who is tortured due to the "curse" creates his own suffering. In the regards of the prompt and the contest, this entry works well and has some good potential.

Story Thoughts: Prompt part of story conflict was expected but also did make sense and does have more potential. The word count limit may have been a struggle with this story because we are limited on what we got to see of either character: Eliza and Viktor. Would help to get to see more of the story to build the case of why she was able to see past the fear and how they were able to fight the mistrust put into the villain stereotype. It comes off as a little more tell than show in the approach of the story.


Final Comments: Overall, it's a good start with room to develop. Hope that you enjoyed the challenge and the prompt.


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22
22
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi there, Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk

I am reviewing your item for "Twenty-three in Eleven "  [13+]. Nice work in the challenge that we've done over the year. It has been quite the challenge and we're making it to the very end at long last. Well done.

Initial Impression: It is a fun item considering the prompt and that the flash fiction was done in a single day due to the deadline of the contest. Gave me the sort of telling the story, stream of conscience to a degree. Not sure if that was the actual approach or how it seemed to go in my head. Could just be the first person pov that I don't often prefer but I do try to write that too.

Contest/Prompt: I do like the Writer's Cramp for the I Write challenge since there is a chance every single day each month for something to enter. Sometimes the prompts are a miss but that's okay because after 24 hours, they change. Some rounds get several entries and others just a couple, or none. The round you entered on the 18th had some competition. Occult day was a good prompt.

General Thoughts and Final Notes: There were some sentences that didn't quite mesh did come to mind as I read over the item but not that anything was particularly wrong. It did have some good sentences that stood out in the other way too. They helped to give the character a voice and personality. Good luck with a teenage is always a valid offering. It might not have won for the round but I'm sure the judge found it entertaining.


Nice work with the entries and the challenge.


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23
23
Review of Where is God?  
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Greetings Weirdone-Back in the games . I am reviewing your story today as part of "Twenty-three in Eleven "  [13+] since I posted my entry after yours in the forum. Hope that you are enjoying the challenge with entering contests this year for the site.


Initial Reaction: A good question with the title and could draw in a number of readers based off that point alone because they may wonder what approach this could take. Or may have concern but that can bring attention too. I wasn't sure what to expect from the title and the contest, but it made for an interesting approach then I got into the story with the characters. It wasn't expected in a good way.

Contest/Prompt: It is nice the religious contest has the option of following a prompt or going with whatever the writer has in mind. The universe prompt with the options to explain how faith works in the contest on a personal level is an interesting one too. I don't often look at the religious contests but I'm glad I got to check it out thanks to your entry. Your story will very much fit into the contest and I hope it does well.

Technical thoughts: The characters in particular are what stand out for this story, which make the most sense. Even though the topic is important too, with the discussion over the existence of God being a high point, it's what we see in the characters that bring the story to life. It's not as autobiographical as some people might go with this type of contest and it may be what helps the story stand out. The only technical thing I noticed as a reader is that some sections of the story felt a little rushed to me. Then again, there is always a word count limit so I can understand if some things don't make it in the story. It happens, often for me. Not that it doesn't seem complete, as it did work well as a story.

There may be a few readers who aren't too fond with some of the terms used in regards to the younger character. I know, working in my current field, that it can be a difficult subject. But it's also something that is authentic. While not "pc" it's also something that has been used at times, so it's understandable in the choice made for the particular story.

Final Comments: Overall, with the types of characters and how things developed to the ending point, you did a great job. The ending worked well and I'm glad you went that route. I wish you luck and hope that you enjoyed coming up with the story.

Keep Writing!

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24
24
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Greetings, {suserweirdone28:}. I am reviewing your poem today as part of "Twenty-three in Eleven "  [13+]. Hope you've enjoyed the challenge so far and keep putting up entries in contests here on the site.


Initial Reaction: You got quite the question created within the first lines and that will be bound to create some attention. I'm sure the start of the poem will be a good attention grabber for whoever comes across the poem. The short lines also make the poem move quick and to the point to bring the reader down the page to see what happens, which brings up the great point at the end. It is also fun to see the word choices for those that know the prompt.


Contest/Prompt: Well, this is an easy one considering we entered the same contest with the same day, thus the same prompt. It was quite the challenge with having to start every line with a letter from the alphabet. Despite that challenge for the poem in Writer's Cramp, it was also a popular day.


Form: The form is followed based on the requirements to start each line with the certain letter of the alphabet. A couple places are a little bit of a stretch, like the pause to put the x for the Gen X comment. However, the one thing that may cause a minor issue for you with the contest and prompt would be that I don't see the line that starts with the letter "K". Might want to add a line. You only have 25 lines at the moment.


Final Thoughts: I have a couple of other thoughts you could maybe consider. Just from my point of view as the reader but not anything that will change the results. While it's not needed, it may help for other readers (if you keep the poem in your port) to have a description of the form at the bottom or a link to the entry that explains the form. While not required, it does help if you get a random read to explain the form or influence behind the poem.

Overall, nice work and good luck with the contest.

*Peng*Keep Writing*Peng*



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25
25
Review by Dawn Embers
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi there, again. I am reviewing your flash fiction story entered in "Twenty-three in Eleven "  [13+]. I'm lucky in that I get to post after you often, probably because we both procrastinate a little each month with the challenge. lol


Title: It is a fun title. I like the play from the song, which many people will know. It was a good word choice too, adding Midtown for the end instead of trying to put in a different state.


General Thoughts: The title helped to give some expectations since there is a very real limit with the word count for story and character building. And you do a good job in that time frame to do the build up before delivering the punch. Well done. I had to chuckle at the end.


Contest: It is a fun contest even if I struggle with anything under 5,000 words. This one requires very short though not the shortest we have tried. The prompts are nice because they do stuff like the add a line. The one for this round fits in many different situations and in various spots of a story.


Final Thoughts: Nice work in the very short story. It's a fun little bit. Congrats on winning the round with this entry. *MedalGold*



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