My kind of poetry. I like to be able to understand without searching for meaning. This perfectly describes the plight of the dandelion.
I like that you relate it to life as well in the last line. As we all know, it matters not how beautiful you are if someone decides you are different and don't belong.
This was a very engageing story. I enjoyed tremendously and will look forward to The Dragon Riders.
I have to tell you that when I read I often see characters or hear their voices as someone I know of such as actors etc. Every time Whiff called Analia "little lady" I saw and heard John Wayne. I hope you get your book published soon.
In the paragraph; Lord Haut looked at her with resignation.....
The last sentence...As you know there is nothing quite so close to a god as a the battlefield.
The paragraph,"Your hurting me you beast!" Elaine quickly shouted. It is Elise.
This is not about this chapter but in our description at the top beginning of the book the title reads The Long travelor. Also revealed is spelled reveled. I am enjoying the book and all the characters.
In the first paragraph pealed should be peeled and sops should be soups. Also several times toward the end you refer to Nania as Nana. Did I miss that Analia shortened it?
I love that you are tying all of this back to man's unquenchable thirst for power and the failure of so many civilizations before ending in failure due to this. I love a story to have a positive purpose.
I got a little caught up but the only error I found was In the sentence Queen Denize is speaking. We sort of misled him............you niece shoiuld be your.
Khelti is spelled wrong in the paragraph, Peter quickley recovered.
I read this because I believe you are a talented writer and enjoy the story. Thanks for the points but you do not need to send them. Thanks!! Soon I will add my first young adult inpirational story and would just appreciate your comments!
I don't know if you want small corrections but In the first paragraph it should read more and more angry. In the paragraph abut the festivities raisin is misspelled raison. And in the paragraph beginning, At a signal from the cheif referee, Lord Alwathe is spelled Alwthe.
You are taking us on a quite a journey. I feel like this world is actually our future rather than our past. I realize this is fantasy, but it is thought provoking nonetheless.Reading On!!
We have all been there! This is a good start. I am sort of in the same place. It seems like it si easier to write when I have some emotional turmoil going on.
Your poem is heartfelt and real and I certainly hope your scribbles continue. I enjoyed reading your work.
Hello Yellow Rose, I always try to review those who do me the favor and found this poem very moving.
First Impression
It made me think of the poem I wrote called "Blessed Mother." A beautiful poem and wonderful way to tell us about the Lily of the Valley.
Favorites:
I really like the 5th and 6th stanza's because it lets the reader know that life was coming from the pain. So true that in life most of our greatest rewards come from our greatest trials.
Suggested Tweaks:
I like the 4th stanza but I believe it would read better if women was woman and it might flow better if you used to pray.
It is a lovely heartfelt poem and just the kind of poetry I love.
This is a great little guide when I have those senior moments and can't remember comma and apostrophe rules. Sometimes when I am in a hurry it is really hard to remember where to look for these tips so I will make this a favorite so I can find it quickly! I am so glad that this was included in my e-mail notifications this month! Thanks!
This is the kind of poetry that I love! Anyone can understand it and enjoy the message that you are sending. A wonderful tribute to your friend and very well done.
It has good flow and rhyme. I am told that I need to branch out and try harder rhyme schemes but I love keeping it simple!
Very powerful topic and difficult to express the emotion it evokes.
Favorites:
Crevice growing day by day. It is so powerful and expresses so much that the abuser doesn't see. A child is tied emotionally to the adult but the crevice widens as the child grows in understanding.
Suggested Tweaks:
Tears of crimson is a powerful image and running steep doesn't quite do it justice. Maybe now they weep.
The only other suggestion would be that it might be a little more powerful in the last stanza if it were Harm not this child in any way.
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