*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile.php/reviews/irish_hussy69
Review Requests: OFF
1,038 Public Reviews Given
1,623 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I have a very straight forward reviewing style. I will tell you what I liked about the story and what I didn't. I will point out any errors that I noted as I read, but editing is not a strength of mine.
Favorite Genres
Erotica, dark drama
I will not review...
Poetry, non-fiction, Vore, Shrinking fiction, Gore or straight Horror
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
1
1
Review of Witchy Women  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (5.0)
You never fail to grace us with an outside the box take on prompts. Interesting twist combining an old Welsh goddess with our modern plague and the ever-changing new rules of entertaining. The little bits of yourself you sprinkle in your tales never fail to make me smile. I also enjoyed seeing the snooty Letticia get her due.

Well done and good luck!! *Shamrock* *Shamrock* *Shamrock*

~Mara
2
2
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello fyn ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thank you for entering and good luck!

*Shamrock* Use of the prompt:

You too saw a cathedral rather than a castle but then someone did some homework! Holy Moly! Major kudos! Looking at the image it looks like you found the ACTUAL cathedral! Chartres Cathedral. Amazing. Thank you for the delightful stroll through historic architecture. *Heart*


*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

Samantha is one of my favorite girl names. *Blush* A silly observation perhaps, but true.

I absolutely loved your play with illusion vs delusion in both the moon and love.

The star-crossed lovers so close and yet destiny still teases. *Le sigh* I have a feeling there is so much more to this story and hope that you will continue the tale.


*Shamrock*Any errors noted:

Third segment down you made a mistake with your coding/font sizing. A tiny thing that does not take away from a love story for the ages.


*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

I would've liked to see the prompt picture included with your story. This judge thinks it adds to the presentation and feel. *Wink*

Otherwise, none noted.


*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
3
3
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 18+ | (2.0)
Hello Laurie Razor ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest" . Thank you for entering and good luck!

*Shamrock* Use of the prompt:

Both the cathedral and the moon feature in Beyond the Powerline.

*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

Beyond the Powerline was a little difficult to follow as the reader is never quite sure what is real.

*Shamrock*Any errors noted:

The layout needs tweaked to make this tale easier to read. A new line should be used for dialog when switching to a different speaker.

Numerous instances of capitalization issues such as ... She blushed as she backed away from me, "thanks, John." "why should it affect us? "how do we get off? ... The first word in a sentence needs to be capitalized.


"Hi, I'm Shauna," she said with a smiled; (smile}


*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

This story has much potential and would've benefited from a good edit prior to entering it in a contest. I often ask a couple of others to go over my entry prior to the deadline so I can polish. These can be people here on WDC or friends/family. Fresh eyes often catch things we writers don't.


*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
4
4
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello THANKFUL SONALI 17 WDC YEARS! ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest" . Thank you for entering and good luck!

*Shamrock* Use of the prompt:

I love the fact that writers can look at the same picture prompt and see something different. I clearly see a cathedral with the spires and crosses, while you and a lot of others see a castle *Bigsmile* The way you worked the moon in was adorable

*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

Several turns of phrase in this piece made me laugh out loud as I read. The story had a bit of a Dr. Seuss feel.

As a King and Queen, my initial question was where was the royal chef/baker?

I see the doughnut that never was haunting the castle. lol Very clever tale!


*Shamrock*Any errors noted:

Some comma issues. Lord, do I hate those little buggers. lol


*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

With a little editing, this would make a really cute children's story!


*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
5
5
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 18+ | (2.5)
Hello PureSciFi ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest" . Thank you for entering and good luck!

*Shamrock* Use of the prompt:

The moon in the prompt image figures in Almost Four Hundred Years,

*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

I found this story difficult to follow. I couldn't decide if the destruction was happening currently or it was something in the planets past. When creating a new world more description is needed to pull the reader in and make things clear. Perhaps not something that can be done with the limited word count of the contest. If the idea is one you are passionate about you might consider expanding the story into a longer project.


*Shamrock*Any errors noted:

There are numerous grammatical and punctuation errors.

Awkward sentence structure, phrasing, and word choices.

*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

Be careful when referring to the people and the planet in close proximity. Having the same name gets confusing and when you start using "it" the reader is unsure if it refers to a person or the planet.


*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
6
6
Review of The Moon  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello StephBee - House Targaryen ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest" . Thank you for entering and good luck!

*Shamrock* Use of the prompt:

Good use of the prompt with emphasis on the moon.

*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

I've been surprised by a couple of sci-fi takes on this prompt. Proves once again how differently people can view the same picture and where their imagination takes them.

An interesting twist on the identity of Alina's shadow lover.


*Shamrock*Any errors noted:

None noted. I'm an unrepentant pleasure reader. Unless something jumps out at me I don't go looking. *Wink*


*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

I was confused by the fact that the apprentice said Nicholas' injury was just an ankle and then they said it was mortal. Maybe make it a head injury? Something that sounds more serious or uncertain. Just my thought. Thanks for a fun read!


*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
7
7
Review of The Angry Moon  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Quiltingmama ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest" . Thank you for entering and good luck!

*Shamrock* Use of the prompt:

Good use of the picture prompt.

*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

It truly seems like Mike has been through hell and back. He is incredibly blessed to have a friend like Jace.

The change in Jace's perception of the moon from threatening and angry to smiling connects nicely with Jace understanding what his friend needed and thankfully found.


*Shamrock*Any errors noted:

Nothing noted. I'm an unrepentant pleasure reader. Unless mistakes jump out at me I don't nitpick.


*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

This is a personal choice thing, but I felt the story would have flowed better if the revelation of what happened to Kara was moved up with the initial discussion of her and all that had gone wrong for Mike. And then after Mike goes into the cathedral and Jace follows realizing why they are there. Just my thoughts.


*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
8
8
Review of I Owe You My All  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 18+ | (2.0)
Hello Vick Rolling 🏳️‍🌈 ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest" . Thank you for entering and good luck!

*Shamrock* Use of the prompt:

It is funny how people look at the same image and see something different. You and several others see a castle. I see a cathedral with the spires and crosses.

*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

I enjoyed the old man trading the telling of a story for coin. It is always a blessing when one can use their gifts to survive.

The constant dialog tags become a distraction rather than a help to the reader. They take away from your story.

You created this short story on the 15th of July leaving a couple of weeks until the contest deadline. With contest entries, particularly the official contests, you want to put your best forward. In my opinion this is time you should have taken to polish the story. A few read-throughs would have caught a lot of the errors. If like a lot of us you have difficulty catching mistakes in your own writing, try asking for reviews before the deadline and making the corrections they suggest.

*Shamrock*Any errors noted:

There are quite a few errors both in spelling and word choice.

A few obvious examples ...

There sitting by his side is an older man holding a piece of clay fastened into a sturdy cup. (I'm guessing you mean (fashioned) into a sturdy cup. ???)

He even assisted his lover with his choirs so he could accompany him around town.

(chores instead of choirs???)

He watches his son kiss the young stable hand turned cook in shear anger.

(sheer instead of shear)

As he looks into the pooling blood below his feet, he notices his reflection and is applaud by the sight.

(I believe the word you are looking for is appalled not applaud)


*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

I am an unrepentant pleasure reader so not the best person to give you a line review. If you wish to polish this tale I suggest you seek out someone who can give you that type of assistance.


*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
9
9
Review of Moon Cathedral  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Beholden ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Rhythms & Writing: Official WDC Contest" . Thank you for entering and good luck!

*Shamrock* Use of the prompt:

Great use of the prompt image! Your words painted the picture as clear as the image.

*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

I loved how you built the drama with the action of getting up to the cathedral. The little things like the black flies add so much! Your detail of the moon was gorgeous!! I was impressed that you didn't skimp a bit on the building interior. I felt like I was walking in with the characters in hushed awe. I would say you did some research on the parts of a cathedral. Points for that!

The "control room" threw me, but in a good way! What a swerve. The rocket/missing tower was brilliance.


*Shamrock*Any errors noted:

None noted. I was too entranced in the story! *BigSmile*


*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

Don't change a thing.


*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
10
10
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (5.0)
I've seen it first hand. True Christmas joy is alive and well in this family. *Heart* I don't think I've ever seen adults that get so into the spirit and fun of the season. The magic! I'm glad you shared a little of that with the rest of us.

Wishing you and your delightful family a safe and magical Christmas!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
11
11
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I loved the friendship between the characters. Their bantering comparisons on how right they were together were perfect and the victory sweet. Their love is real and simple, the kind that lasts forever. My mind easily travels on, spinning a future for them. One with a dog and a lot of laughter.

I admit when I started reading this story I was picturing somewhere in merry ol' England for some reason. I was surprised to discover it set in the US. I've never been to Maine.

Some of the wording and setting were old-fashioned ... like the pot belly and whatever that was that she put in it. I think that's what made me think England, but that was my ignorance. Some words escaped me. I didn't know what/who Boreas was. Cyanotic was new to me but made sense after looking it up as the heroine is a nurse. Still not sure if chesterfield a brand or style or sofa. And hoarfrost was an unusual one. Extra points for that! LOL

OH! And liked the strategically placed throw pillow during disrobing and how easily that scene was handled. Very professional.

A couple of little typos to take a look at ....

Meteorologists expect two to three inches accumulation throughout the day with sunny skies my mid-afternoon. (by mid-afternoon)

Prim lowered her arms to her sides. "What don't you take off the wrapping and find out?" (Why don't)

Thanks for teaching me a few things and sharing your beautiful words. Good luck in the contest!!

~ Mara *Shamrock*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
12
12
Review of Deletion  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Only another writer is truly going to appreciate this tale! The angst of keep it ... delete it ... cut and save it ... scrap it. LOL We have all been there and the lateness of the house only seems to compound it! I loved it! *Heart* And what writer or reader hasn't had a book follow them into their dreams??? Perfection!

I love how you used the prompt picture to tell a story within the story. Completely unique.

As far as corrections or suggestions I only have one. In the second paragraph I think you are missing a word.

Then she'd answer her phone with a lackluster 'hello, Sam' when her editor, connected by some thin thread known only to those of an editorial bent, (calling) to ask how her writing was going.

Amazing tale! Good luck in the contest! *Shamrock*

~ Mara


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
13
13
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey JACE - House Targaryen ! I saw your letter pop up on my newsfeed and had to take a peek. I'm glad I did! I too, as have most people I think, have been guilty of looking back on past resolutions and seeing a disturbing pattern. That is such a shame in your case. You, my friend, are a talented and creative person. I believe it is truly only a matter of putting it out there that is holding you back. I hope and pray you follow through with your desires and dreams and put it out there in 2016. I will be checking back to assure you do! *Wink* You can't have too many people holding you accountable with a well placed nudge!

*StarB* I believe you have a typo in the first sentence ... This letter marks the eighth straight year din which you detailed your resolutions to write ... (in) in place of (din).

Good luck in the contest and even better luck in 2016! *Shamrock*

~ Mara


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
14
14
Review of Sister Justice  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
You took a difficult prompt ... (Write a story from a villain's point of view, making a believable case for why he (or she) thinks s/he's actually the hero or good guy/gal of the narrative.) and knocked it out of the park. Not only did she believe she was doing the right and just thing, I was nodding as I was reading! LOL Call me a horrible person but I think most would be lying to themselves if they did not admit they'd feel the same way she did! We whine and bitch and sometimes even fantasize about doing something but we never do. Sister Justice did.

BRAVO!!! What a kick ass tale. Thank you for dead on SUPER HERO social commentary masked in entertaining fiction!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
15
15
Review of Phoebe's Hope  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with ♥♥Bear Hugs♥♥  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Flawless, fanciful and fabulous! I couldn't find a thing to nitpick. You pulled me in with your select words and imagery and wrapped me in a special kind of magic. I can see how this tale was awarded first place. What a beautiful and inspiring story! I hope you take this gem to print to share with all the Phoebe's and Sarah's of the world. Hope is a precious thing. *Heart* Thank you for sharing your heart and hope with us!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
16
16
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Congratulations! *Balloon5*

Wow ... you made me tear up with this one. I loved the way you broke up the emotion of the story with the little facts about the bridge itself. The way Kuan-yin made the little jumping motion with her fingers and used the same "no do-overs" was nicely done. The ending was perfect. Kuan-yin's sensitivity and the way "something" told her to talk to him made a big lump swell in my throat... excellently done.

You're so talented! It was good to read your work again. I've missed it. *Heart*

~ Mara
17
17
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Joy , this is a fabulous activity that will promote the little used Product Review function and provide a wonderful boost in support of our published authors here in the WDC family. Thank you for the support and best of luck with ReWA PuB! *Bigsmile*

~ Mara
18
18
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Where is the six star when you need it. This is my new favorite chapter and just when I think I can't be awed further by your beautiful way with words you whip out ....

It is where dreams go upon wakening. It is wishes wished on a summer day. It is blood shed for our fair land. It is all the hopes of all Alyndoria. It is where all dreams take root, where all ideas sprout.

So eloquent! Another plot piece that makes me slap my forehead and wonder why none other has thought of such brilliance.

19
19
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I'm glad that I came back to re-rate this Chapter as I had been reading at work and didn't get a chance to finish my thoughts on the chapter. The concept of the tearsfall is brilliant. Having the tears of the people be an integral part of saving their world is just such an incredible plot. I love your imagination. A child's heart beats in your chest.
20
20
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I'm so loving this story. I can't wait to gift it to my neices and nephews! I loved the "sneak!" Great name and idea. This is one of my favorite chapters. The roots hanging down like matted hair was great description and I don't think I want to know what belongs to the eyes lighting the way! LOL

~ Mara
21
21
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was my favorite chapter yet! Where is the 6 *Star* button? Your poetry stands out as always. I love the way you weave the riddles in and make your readers think. Your descriptions in this chapter were wonderful and I loved how the troll shrank down to size with every step. Of course when I got to the end and saw was written on the scroll ... I just blinked. LOL I can't wait to move on and see what is in store for our princess!

~ Mara
22
22
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good morning, Fyn darling! *Heart*

I've started reading The Eternal Seed and I must say I'm impressed by your fairy-tale style! I can almost feel the book open in my hands and see little faces around me as I read. I love it!

The opening poem is incredible. You must've spent a great amount of time puzzling out the exact words and clues before polishing it to the perfect end product. BRAVO!

My only suggestion for this chapter is a tiny nit-picky thing in this sentence here ...

He was thinking about the words, what they might mean to each of them and how this quest—for it was surely that—would send the three of them out into Alyndoria with each of them having to perform part of something that would save Alyndoria.

I would suggest changing one of the Alyndoria's. Like I said, a nit-picky thing, but with them being so close together it jumped out at me when reading. Perhaps you could change the second to something like ... save their lands ? Just a thought.

I'm off to the next chapter and looking forward to setting off on an adventure!

~ Mara
23
23
Review of Glory Day's  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Endless Enigma ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thank you for entering and good luck!


*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

You did an excellent job of setting the scene as dreary and hopeless. I liked that you didn't go the typical route and make her savior romantic. Gus' motivation was made clear with revealing the details of his wife and daughter. Picking up Basil on her way to a new life was a nice touch. *Wink*


*Shamrock*Any errors noted:

Glory Day's ~ both used in the title and as the name for the trailer park should be Glory Days, no apostrophe.

the red bandanna around his neck is his trademark. ~ bandana

She pulls the blue knitted((,))fringed shawl tighter around her shoulders and lets out a big yawn.


*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

A tiny thing, but I would've liked to know what the smell in the trailer was, be it, rotted food, mildew ... ect.


*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
24
24
Review of Ingeminate  
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello C. T. Hill ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thank you for entering and good luck!


*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

This was a very different take on the given prompt. The premise was good, but I was left with too many questions. Why did his love need saving? From what? Is the old man at the end the old man with all the advice about smiles?

Overall it was unique, just needs expanded on.


*Shamrock*Any errors noted:

I said in attempts to calm myself as I searched for my boots. ~ it would sound better as "in an attempt"

The effect was successful, apparent due to the lack of gunshots. ~ This sentence was confusing to me. Should it be apparently?

*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

You had words to spare in the wordcount. I would've liked to know a little more about his love to better understand what was going on. Was the woman in his bed this love he would do anything for? Who was this old man?


*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
25
25
Review by Mara ♣ McBain
In affiliation with  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon ! I will be reviewing your work today as a judge for "Short Shots: Official WDC Contest" . Thank you for entering and good luck!


*Shamrock*My Thoughts/Impressions:

I loved Zeb right away, and Sparks too. *Wink* The name, the pattern of speech used, the attention to scenery in the set up ... It all rang true. I don't know what you imagined while writing, but Sam Elliot's voice played in my head while Zeb was talking.


*Shamrock*Any errors noted:

None noted!


*Shamrock*Any suggestions for Improvement:

I know you said to keep the groans to ourselves, but I can't. I loved the story ... and hated the ending. *Blush* Now that there isn't a word count standing in your way, maybe ... just maybe ... *looks hopeful* *Laugh*


*Shamrock*Please remember that these are only my opinions as a reader. Feel free to use or ignore them as you feel best suits your story and personal style. You alone are the best judge of what works for you!

A beautiful shamrock signature made for me by the extraordinary Adriana Noir!
292 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 12 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile.php/reviews/irish_hussy69