I was watching – suggest to make some kind of break here for the change from third to first person - *** ### -

this now and - this now, and

room I - room, I

Leave a space between paragraphs.

now?” He - now?” he

question he - question, he

weekend, you’re - weekend; you’re

you, it’ll – you. It’ll

into work, - into work;

Sheila was – new paragraph – change of speaker

Coffee?” She - Coffee?” she

today, she - today; she

clients,” she - clients. She

lot, maybe - lot; maybe

work, you - work; you

Gary, there’s Gary; there’s

up?” She - up?” she

like me, I - like me; I

it.” Mary - it,” Mary

confident she’d - confident she

your encouragement,” - your encouragement.”

questions) , spiky - questions), spiky

days) I – days), I

things I - things, I

Naturally it - Naturally, it

waiting, “ explained - waiting,“ explained

hands we’d - hands, we’d

leprechaun. We’re - leprechaun. “We’re

keepers; apparently, people

forewarned and - forewarned, and

“Yes.” He - “Yes,” he

glow and - glow, and

Leave a space between paragraphs for easier reading.

wild, Ted - wild, Ted'

‘What’ - ‘What?’

Ted, it – Ted; it

him, something – him; something

you’, her – you.’ Her

sofa and - sofa, and

plants, I’ve - plants; I’ve

renting so - renting, so

special and - special, and

rage, it - rage. It

You should change the "intro rated" from Non-e to e.

birds. Only - birds, only

it. As - it as

You can find information on dialogue usage here "Invalid Item" .

human's lives. - human lives.

Machine is dressed - Machine dressed

it and - it, and

watching the rugby - watching rugby

its his - It's his

job and – job, and

empress his - impress his

wears black - wears a black

Door" Frank – door." Frank

on The – on, The

"What..."Frank – "What...", Frank

room. "...is – room, "...is

Frank turns – new paragraph

is "Wait what?!" - is, "Wait what?!"

"Do you – if this is Lithia speaking, it is a new paragraph.

table and - table, and

"That is... - if this is Frank speaking, a new paragraph.

Frank turns – new paragraph

hid himself. - hide himself.

in subordination. - insubordination.

job, we – job; we

ring braking - ring breaking

room Lithia – room; Lithia

here." She – here," she

your happy - you're happy

happy, I - happy. I

be you're - be; you're

here" Frank - here." Frank

"Let's go." - new paragraph

Frank replies - Frank replies.

"This is – new paragraph

in." Frank - in," Frank

Lithia smiles – new paragraph

Machine, breaths - Machine, breathes

guess im - guess I'm

"It ok, Im - "It's ok, I'm

you free" - you free."

Lump?" She - Lump?" she

"Sure." Lithia – new paragraph

ending punctuation goes inside the quote marks.

get there”. - get there.”

executioner”, Jad - executioner,” Jad

Leave a space between paragraphs for easier reading.

dirt. Passing - dirt, passing

The first day – start a new paragraph

Knox”, he - Knox,” he

My days devolved – start new paragraph

My counselor – new paragraph

Early Friday morning, - new paragraph

pole, and – no comma

The what seems – delete 'the'

when out of pushing - when pushing out of

She countered. - she countered.

course am - course I am

calm" She - calm." She

roared "Just - roared. "Just

When am - When I am

it?" She - it?" she

please" Sam - please." Sam

an hawker - a hawker

thriving' Cathy - thriving,' Cathy

if can hear - if he can hear

course" She - course." She

children but - children, but

Sam?" She - Sam?" she

live" He - live." He

family Cathy you - family, Cathy; you

siblings, you - siblings; you

him "Your - him. "Your

impressive, Sam; yet,

probed coolly - probed coolly.

this?" He sputtered "Why - this?" he sputtered. "Why

pregnancy, Cathy" - pregnancy, Cathy."

she explode - she explodes

her "I should - her. "I should

only you - only one you

understand I - understand; I

me yet it's - me. Yet, it's

this but - this, but

is; I am - is: I am

she raced - she raised

him "You - him. "You

Sam let me - Sam; let me

swore fervently - swore fervently.

always think - always thought

father and - father, and

will?" He - will?" he

this but - this, but

decision. I - decision, I

you" he - you," he

violently o the - violently on the

each breathe - each breath

them all” - them all.”

places he – places, he

“Take my – the quote is on same line as {whispers:}

“ I have – I find that italics w/out quote marks for internal thoughts works well. In this quote you have space on both ends to be deleted, and the last quote mark is in the wrong direction.

rapidly escaped – escapes - the rest of the paragraph is using the present tense

he returned – returns - the rest of the paragraph is using the present tense

“ I doubt - “I doubt - I found a few places where there is space between quote marks and the sentence, both at beginning and end.

pieces he – pieces, he

education so - education, so

adrift. Taking - adrift, taking

“ I don’t - “I don’t – the quote goes on same line with {mind,}

Missing,” - missing.”

mortals, he – mortals; he

speed he – speed, he

bag so - bag, so

river he - river, he

emerges, fresh – no comma

meal. One - meal making one

adjustments he - adjustments, he

Rystyk. Staggering, - Rystyk, staggering,

stranger his - stranger, his

instead used - instead be used

agony.As - agony. As

stop and - stop, and

neighborhood and – neighborhood, and

alone?” The - alone?” the

miss.” Rystyk – miss,” Rystyk

stop.” He – stop,” he

street.” The - street,” the

name.” Rystyk - name,” Rystyk

neck the - neck, the

arms Rystyk – arms, Rystyk

ominous ness - ominousness

Suggestion: one space is enough between papagraphs.

boy the - boy, the

milord." A soldier – milord," a soldier

her, it - her; it

energy and – energy, and

gasped, before – no comma

her, and – no comma

screech the – screech, the

stone. Leaving - stone, leaving

"This is - there is no ending quote mark.

boom of lightning – suggest: a boom of thunder with lightening.

situation, however, this – situation; however, this

time, and – no comma

down, faster – no comma

write, and – no comma

as had - as he had

Jeanne, The - Jeanne. The

did then – did, then

prickling – this word does not fit the context.

inclined, and - no comma

wall, and - no comma

cute!"She - cute!" she

floor, and – no comma

door, and – no coma

Suggest to use ! Carefully. Overuse makes it less effective.

Ma'am with – Ma'am, with

crine out - crying out

Of course - Of course.

earlier, it's – earlier; it's

me but what – me, but what

wall the - wall, the

head fragments - head, fragments

Jane holding - Jane, holding

hand crept - hand, crept

good the - good; the

again he – again; he

into there - into; there

home” Pete – home,” Pete

eyes he - eyes; he

sun he - sun; he

rebellion no - rebellion. No

bitterly as – bitterly; as

ahead heat - ahead, heat

forget” he - forget,” he

him her – him. Her

objected to but - objected to, but

trouble two - trouble; two

bruises now they – bruises; now, they

street while there - street; while they're

you we - you, we

said smirking his – said, smirking, his

Ben she – Ben; she

it according - it. According

fan,’ Ben thought – italics work well for internal thought

backup’ Ben - backup” Ben

said lowering – said, lowering

visor he - visor, he

think the - think, the

them get – them; get

mike after – mike. After

pause Ben – pause, Ben

conventual weapons - conventional weapons

Jaco said it - Jaco said. It

teasingly a - teasingly. A

now.” He said - now,” he said

position without - position; without

support we - support, we

“Yo,” Pete - “Yo.” Pete

“Hey were - “Hey where

one thing - one thing.

manipulation, and – no comma

station, and – no comma

Nothing just shadows, and silence. - Nothing, just shadows and silence.

glen, and – no comma

know, and – no comma

weaker, and – no comma

breath, and – no comma

bridge, stood – no comma

fate, and – no comma

dragon, and – no comma

kill him, and - no comma

immobile, and – no comma

the large - the large – missing word here

down, and – no comma

Your the one,” - You're the one,”

out the humans - out, the humans

enemies, and conquering - enemies and conquer

place than - place, then

her, and respect. - no comma

need, and – no comma

up most respect, and - upmost respect and

off, and bitter until - off and bitter, until

closer, and no comma

tall, and – no comma

broad, and – no comma

you?” She - you?” she

life, and – no comma

face.” She - face,” she

yours.” He - yours,” he

grouping,' but - grouping.' But

Except the gun - Except, the gun

step I'll - step, I'll

smiled. 'And - no comma

one, ' he - one.' He

you good. - you good.'

this.' I - this,' I

travelling recently. ' - travelling recently.'

queen,' she – queen?' she

queen, prepare - queen, “prepare

it.” whispered - it,” whispered

wondered how they were – wondered, how were they

room; Its - room; its

mirthless, grin. - no comma

abomination,” the – abomination?” the

queen, “You - queen. “You

smile, “Do - smile, “do

could…but that…that – could … but that … that

“No, that – move to line after “shock”

master,” obeyed – master.” Obeyed

walk out - walked out

room, the - room; the

small, broken – no comma

morning, while – no comma

there is changing from present to past tense. Stay with one tense.

times, her - times; her

you," She - you," she

is teared out - is torn out

my-" She - my--" She

before saying. - before saying, the dialogue moves to this line.

weak." He said, - weak." He reached

Hera.Is - Hera. Is

umping from - jumping from

tree. Hunting - tree, hunting

creature but none - creature, but none

elder woman - elderly woman

trees?" The - trees?" the

a hutt on - a hut on

house you - house, you

coin and - coin, and

door creeked - door creaked

open she - open, she

eyes begaan - eyes began

asked, "Tick - asked. "Tick

soon is feathers - soon his feathers

about?" He - about?" he

maybe," She - maybe." She

here?" She asked. - delete she asked. Speaker is already identified.

here?" He - here?" he

"To explain that - "To understand that – aviod repetitive wording.

out. Destroying - out, destroying

woods, there - woods; there

eachother - each other

run so - run, so

little pact - little pack

shelters but - shelters, but

clearing and - clearing, and

older she - older, she

around he - around, he

mother worried - mother, worried

criminal and - criminal, and

out a thug - out, a thug

shoulder. “ We - shoulder. “We

“stories” - 'stories'

heir.” Bardia – heir,” Bardia

per say. Kedor - per se. Kedor

Blocked by the shield – delete excess space between the previous paragraph and this one.

were." responded - were," responded

was, on it - was on, it

name refers - the story is told in the past tense – stay with one tense.

mission, however, its - mission; however, its


and...well...to - and … well … to

simulations and - simulations, and

Chief?" The - Chief?" the

sir." Williams - sir," Williams

chuckled "Scared - chuckled. "Scared

helmswoman "Helm - helmswoman. "Helm

Chief?" The - Chief?" the

Captain." Williams - Captain," Williams

XO and - XO, and

said "You - said, "You

aye." responded - aye," responded

back and - back, and

faster..." thought – I suggest italics for internal thought.

COH."XO! - COH. "XO!

Report!" He - Report!" he

sir." responded - sir," responded

he paused - he paused.

helmswoman "Helm! - helmswoman. "Helm!

ship is maneuvering - ship's maneuvering

the system." - the system.

"Cheif" he said – "Chief," he said

somberly "Mission - somberly. "Mission

and to transfer - and transfer

idea I - idea, I

Captain." the - Captain," the

ship "All – ship. "All

XO abandon - XO - abandon

salute "Captain, - salute. "Captain,

ship detonated. - ship, detonated.

leave a space between paragraphs

breath and put the car in park and - breath, put the car in park, and

surprise you." I said – 'I said' is not needed – the speaker is already identified.

music...however, - music … however,

raft, or – no comma

years but - years, but

job and - job, and

shoulders and - shoulders, and

pick you up," - pick you up."

couch, and - no comma

explanation and here – explanation, and here

think its best - think it's best

decorated in modern - decorated with modern

scared teo tell - scared to tell

my 2017 Ford Fusion, black, and - my black, 2017 Ford Fusion and

night and - night, and

reward." He - reward," he

tarp but - tarp, but

womans head - woman's head

wrong and - wrong, and

Emma go a head - Emma go ahead

leave a space between paragraphs

already payed - already paid

fee so - fee; so

heartbroken he - heartbroken, he

crowds, a - crowds. A

autograph, Steve - autograph. Steve

boys mom. - boy's mom.

Ma'am" He - Ma'am," he

Tulsa!," Slim – no comma

Houston" Steve - Houston," Steve

cheered he - cheered. He