Wow, that is indeed a dark poem. Displaying such unbelievable sadness, it is a sad tale, and to be honest depressing, but it in no way takes away from the quality of the writing. The emotions you were aiming for come through quite well, by the end of the verse, the reader feels a terrible pity for her. Excellent job of conveying those emotions to the reader.
This is very heartfelt and honest. Your emotion while writing it shines through and the promise of what you intend feels genuine. I liked it a lot. Great job and thanks for sharing something that is obviously very personal.
Your heart is on your sleeve.
And with four teenagers living in one house it is something I never get....Good writing I really like the style you wrote this in. Welcome to WDC, here are some gift points to help you along the way. I hope you enjoy the site, it has some really great people. Great job with the poem...keep writing!
Tim, great use of vocabulary with this piece. I had to read it a few times through, it seemed to me that you were writing on the circle of life and God's involvement theirin. This is a piece that I believe is better served if read slow and taken in, rather than to try and establish a flow while reading. It was very well done, just wanted to pass along my congrats on some nice writing.
Very enjoyable read about the magnificence of Autumn, the changing of colors, and the falling of leaves. Well written, no errors noticed. It was a pleasant read to take in, as the very thing is happening where I live. I really liked the line about the geese, it captured the essence for me.
The geese in the air flying so swift
So much beauty to live for, such a gift,
Great Poll question, I wish there were more folks who liked Westerns on this site. I grew up on John Wayne flicks with my dad, he will always be one of the greatest actors. When I write westerns it is to hard not to want to have that strong heroic character.
Nice sequence of events, your characters were believable and worked well within the time period you were writing. Perhaps including a bit of description of the lawman would have helped...tall/short, old/young...etc
Overall though a good quick read on my very favorite genre...not enough westerns on this site.
This is great, who would not want to live a simple life right on the ocean...tanktops, cargo shorts, and some flip flops, no responsibilities, no cares, sounds like a grand idea to me. I liked the twist at the end, twenty years of being enslaved would not be my idea of life. The rhymes were good, and for longer sentences in each line I thought the flow was really well, it read very easily. It also had a Hemingway-esque them to which I loved. Great Job!
This popped on my random reads, tonight when I logged in. Wow that is an excellent description. Lots of imagery can be taken from these few short words. Good job with this, I can easily see why it has gotten quite a few good ratings. Nothing I could offer would help this already great piece.
Just wanted to let you know that I think this is hands down the best contest on WDC...as well as challenging, it is educational, I have learned several new styles just from your contest.....great job...also wanted to donate some GP's to the bank to help out.
I can just imagine my three daughters in a circle in the backyard picking flowers and singing this when they were little or maybe while swininging from a swingset. It has a sing-song quality and just reaks of innocence. Thank you for sharing, it actually stirred up some memories from quite a few years ago. Great Writing!
Hi Brownchild, thought I would return the favor with a review and saw this in your Port. it's a good little piece with a bit of a self help mantra. Almost like something someone would whisper under their breath during trying and troubled times. A couple errors I noticed in the 3rd set of lines, just some misspellings. Instead of
Hoping emotion don't blind me. Prying to the most high..
It should be...
Hoping emotion doesn't blind me. Praying to the most high...
This came up on the random reads when I logged on, and I have to sayt I really really like it. I think you've read enough of mine through contests to know this theme is one I love to write on.....Boy you nailed it. Syllable count, rhymes, everything was spot on to the structure you chose. The first two lines
The things I cherish are irreplaceable,
the way you laugh, kiss, and always hug goodbye.
really set the mood for this one, just great writing.
Beautiful poem, about such a small but intimate act. I love poems that expand upon a simple thing, as in this case holding hands. The description of porcelain hands, delicate to the touch, is outstanding. Keep up the good writing and thanks for sharing this piece with us.
That was a cool poem, I especially like the first three lines, Kind of cool how you interjected LOLOMG. We've all been there with the smartphones as they are definitely becoming a necessity in today's world. Thanks for sharing this piece, I think you excellently relayed most everyone;s concerns!
Hi I'd like to review your work, as a member of the Poem Benders... What follows are just my opinions so please take them for what they are....my opinions.
Some General Comments:
Hi Sum1...What caught my eye while scrolling through poems to review was that I have a poem with the exact same title...naturally I wanted to check it out. It was a great read. I love how each stanza began with a question and then ended with an answer. Really great wording and flow. And the emotion comes out really well in your writing.
My Favorite Line(s):
If I love you more than life itself,
More than the ocean's wide
Then you must be my heart, my soul,
And we belong side by side
This is just good writing, the syllable count was 9-6-8-7, which is a little uneven, but it read really well.
Suggestions For Improvement:
My only suggestion would be to perhaps tighten up the syllable counts to an 8-8-8-8 or 7-8-7-8........if not it's still a great read
It was a pleasure reading this, please keep writing!
This piece had a great flow to it, almost a "sing along" feel......A couple things I noticed and these are just my opinions, so take em or leave em.......A few lines seemed to have one or two more syllables than needed so it gave the flow a bit of a hiccup, for example here is the syllable count for each stanza 8-8-9-10---8-11-11-10----7-10-11-10---8-10-10-11, perhaps try and re word a few lines to get a 9-10-9-10 count......also your rhymes were good except in two places foot/route and gone/alone...these also took away from the flow of the piece........
I did like this alot, with a little polish and editing it would definitely be a higher rated piece.
First let me say, great imagery, great word choice, and a very lovely read. It conveys the glories of nature well, and describes a singular moment in four short stanzas. In this short amount of writing the scene is delivered well/ Two bits of criticism I would give, and these are just my opinions, are:
1. The piece could benefit from punctuation. Periods and commas direct the flow of the piece, control the tempo, let the reader know when to take pause.
2. The 10th line "as did the bench below", seems out of place, the entire piece is about nature, the colors of winter, caused by the reflecting suns rays, then the part with a bench gets thrown in. To me it seemed out of place, and I didn't really see how or why the bench was needed.
I think this is really good. But in your preview you state it's for close friends you have lost. If by that you mean because of a break up or falling out, then I think the lyrics hit the mark, if by losing close friends you mean by death, that is not the message I felt the piece delivered. You might want to clarify that in your preview. Otherwise it read really well, and depending on your age and musical tastes don't take offense, but it really sounded a lot like the Taylor Swift songs my daughters listen to.
I found this piece on the request a review page. Very nice wording and imagery. It does indeed tell of a much maligned creature, my favorite lines in the piece were,
A Celtic myth upon your breath,
For History is your battlefield,
A lone spectator, watching death
Make waste of man, and broken shields.
I also liked (unless I missed it) there wasn't an obvious Poe reference, which is what I expected when I found the piece. I like the originality of that.
Hi I'd like to review your work, as a member of the Poem Benders... What follows are just my opinions so please take them for what they are....my opinions.
What I liked best:
Such a sad poem of a lonely life. I really liked your imagery, your use of words, and the way you painted a picture of that box in the attic. The poem flowed well and read very easily. Easily my favorite part were these lines:
But I WILL NOT sit here caged like Dickinson
Watching my world begin and end
Next to my companionable dictionary
and myself…only myself.
Again great imagery
Suggestions for improvement:
Nothing
Thanks for posting your work it was a pleasure reading it.
Hi I'd like to review your work, as a member of the Poem Benders... What follows are just my opinions so please take them for what they are....my opinions.
What I liked best:
This was fantastic, I hope you did well in the contest you entered. Very well rhymed, and the story was hilarious. I could imagine the temptress vividly, and sadly while reading I really wished I was the farmer!
Suggestions for improvement:
None! Great read!
Thanks for posting your work it was a pleasure reading it.
Hi I'd like to review your work, as a member of the Poem Benders... What follows are just my opinions so please take them for what they are....my opinions.
What I liked best:
This was absolutely beautiful. The thought of Jesus wandering the Earth as a homeless man, challenging our goodwill and our faith in man. Great stuff. I have been working on a short story for a while, where the central theme is that the homeless are actually angels, waiting to see who will help them, so they can in turn return the favor. Your poem reinforces to me that is such a pleasant thought to think that Christ walks among us.
Suggestions for improvement:
NONE! Absolutely wonderful
Thanks for posting your work it was a pleasure reading it.
Hi I'd like to review your work, as a member of the Poem Benders... What follows are just my opinions so please take them for what they are....my opinions.
What I liked best:
I loved this poem and the questions it asks. Whether your intention or not, to me the weeping willow represented society as a whole, questioning the problems we face. It was like we were asking ourselves how we felt. Really good stuff.
Suggestions for improvement:
None that I could see....Great Job
Thanks for posting your work it was a pleasure reading it.
Hi I'd like to review your work, as a member of the Poem Benders... What follows are just my opinions so please take them for what they are....my opinions.
What I liked best:
Hi Tina, I really enjoyed your collection of poems, in particular my favorite was the one titled "Faith" it really speaks well to one's relationship of God. Very well written.
Suggestions for improvement:
On some poems I noticed some incorrect spellings ie: craddle/instead of cradle and echoe/instead of echo
Thanks for posting your work it was a pleasure reading it.
HAVOC
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