*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile.php/reviews/sgcardin
Review Requests: ON
3,822 Public Reviews Given
4,033 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
1
1
Review of Crashing Waves  
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM

A day at the beach framed between the waves that crash on the seashore.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I loved how the poem progressed to tell a story. Well done!

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is free form poem. There were no set rythming patterns.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/ punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "Dark clouds gather ominously above the scavenging seagulls"

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement. The poem progressed line by line as it told it's story. I could picture everything. I loved how the repetition of the last line, "crash upon the seashore" ties the poem together. Very good storytelling!

Anniversary Reviews email siggie


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
"Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*

Review Signature
2
2
Review of Shadow Over July  
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM

July is a steady month - known for summer and vacations, but as memories fade, just how steady was it?

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the visuals the poem evoked. Simple, yet succinct word play puts the reader in the moment.

*Star* STRUCTURE


This is free form poem. There was no set rythme patterns.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML to make the poem easy to read.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "as the skies cast shadows over July."

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement. With few words the author conveys vivid visuals and evokes emotions well. Everyone thinks of July as summer. It's time to enjoy the nice weather, play, go on vacations, and yet, every so often, carefree summer can be haunted by shadows. While the poem hints at weather changes and life obligations, I think uncertainty can be whatever is challenging you in your own life. It's this juxapostion, well done, that dares the reader to go deeper.

Anniversary Reviews email siggie


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
"Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*

Review Signature
3
3
Review of Storm Music  
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM

The poem tells a story through weather and storms that mirror the highs and lows of our own life.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED


I loved the word play; it deepened the expression of the poem. I felt like I went a journey and discovered my own weathered traveled life.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is free form poem. There was no set rythme scheme.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "Rainbows ribboned across sunlit skies" Great visual with succinct wording.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I have no suggestions for improvement. The title fits the poem well. A great read that challenges the reader to take time and reflect, leaving one on a positive note.

Anniversary Reviews email siggie


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
"Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*

Review Signature
4
4
Review of Light  
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM

A poem about light, the power of it's reflection, and that special something that hovers just above the light.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I enjoyed the word play; it deepened the expression of the poem and made me think of different angles of interpretation.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is a cinquain poem. This a 5 line stanza poem. The lines are 2, 4. 6, 8 and 2 syllables.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. The poem is easy to read.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "light is dancing" -- light is electric, vibrant, and alive. Light gives life.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I loved the flow of the poem and the invitation to give light your own interpretation. Was it a lover basking in the light of lovemaking or simply the early morning twilight breaking out the positivity in one's soul? I enjoyed this poem very much!

Anniversary Reviews email siggie


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
"Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*

Review Signature
5
5
Review of Spring  
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM

This poem deal with nature, specifically spring.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I enjoyed the visual and how it put me in the moment.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is a haiku. A haiku is a short form of Japanese poetry, traditionally with 3 lines, and a 5,7,5 syllable pattern. The poem here matches traditional form.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. The poem is easy to read.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "A cardinal pair" - It was descriptive enough to picture two red birds on an early spring tree branch with green buds just popping out.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The haiku also had a challenge - not to use the letter "E." Very good job writing a visual without that letter! The haiku did a great job capturing the following elements; simplicity, directness of expression and intensity. Well done!


Anniversary Reviews email siggie


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM
"Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*

Review Signature
6
6
Review of Northwoods Summer  
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM

The poem is a relaxing camping experience during the summer at a lake.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I loved the progression of the story in the poem. A succinct use of words had me right there relaxing and enjoying all the day had to offer. A wonderful experience of the five senses.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is free form poem. There were some stragetic rhymes, but no set patterns.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML. It makes the poem easy to read.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "Gliding across glass" when describing canoeing across the lake, but honestly, the poem is full of rich description.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The poem opens with an invitation for you to close your eyes and imagine. It comes full circle when it does the same at the end. Brilliant. The first invitation plants the hint of being transported to another time and place. The 2nd invitation leaves you longing to visit Northwoods. An enjoyable, heartwarming poem!


Anniversary Reviews email siggie


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Image #1229001 over display limit. -?-
7
7
Review of Cupid Slam  
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)


*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.


Thank you for entering the Bard's Hall Cupid Slam Contest for FEB 2024. Since this is a unique contest, here is what I'm looking for:

*PointRight* Must slam that beastly little arrow-flinger, CUPID!
*PointRight* Must be Poetry Only, any form or free verse -- doesn't matter so long as it's just plain AWFUL!
*PointRight* Line Count up to 60 or fewer. Place line count at the bottom of the poem.
*PointRight*This poetry entry MUST be written for this contest, February 2024! If it's a leftover slam from another time and place it will be disqualified.
*PointRight* Remember that "bad poetry" doesn't mean just misspellings. We are looking for the really creative kind of "bad" that makes us cringe and groan over its terribleness!

*PointRight* A ONE-STAR RATING is the ultimate goal, here. We will award the "best" one-starred poems as the winners.

And now... onto the review....

*Reading* THE POEM

Cupid shoots the arrows, spreading the love.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED/AKA CUPID SLAM aka GOOD, BAD, or UGLY:

SLAM: GOOD. Cupid is told to go away until next year.

Cupid is doing what cupid does.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is a rythming poem with the 2nd and 4th lines rythming. The 1st and 3rd lines do not rythme.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

There's not much of a slam. The poem has a nice flow to it. Worthy of a 4.5 Star.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall FEB 2024 Contest. Line count was listed in accordance with the contest rules.





Glowing Steph

Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.


8
8
Review of Ode to Cupid  
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)


*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.


Thank you for entering the Bard's Hall Cupid Slam Contest for FEB 2024. Since this is a unique contest, here is what I'm looking for:

*PointRight* Must slam that beastly little arrow-flinger, CUPID!
*PointRight* Must be Poetry Only, any form or free verse -- doesn't matter so long as it's just plain AWFUL!
*PointRight* Line Count up to 60 or fewer. Place line count at the bottom of the poem.
*PointRight*This poetry entry MUST be written for this contest, February 2024! If it's a leftover slam from another time and place it will be disqualified.
*PointRight* Remember that "bad poetry" doesn't mean just misspellings. We are looking for the really creative kind of "bad" that makes us cringe and groan over its terribleness!

*PointRight* A ONE-STAR RATING is the ultimate goal, here. We will award the "best" one-starred poems as the winners.


*Reading* THE POEM

Cupid is a sweetie as he goes about looking for lovers.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED/AKA CUPID SLAM aka GOOD, BAD, or UGLY:

SLAM: GOOD. Cupid is a jolly fellow with fluffy wings. He smiles and giggles and is a sweet cutie with rosy cheeks.

It's a pretty sweet, kindhearted description.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is a free form poem with no apparent rythme scheme.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

No slam, here, just love little baby Eros. Worthy of a 4 star.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall FEB 2024 Contest. Line count was listed in accordance with the contest rules.





Glowing Steph

Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.


9
9
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM

The poem was a heartfelt way to say "thank you" to Anonymous here on WDC.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the tone of the poem. It was easy to read and it was heartwarming.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is free form poem with 4 line stanzas and a ABAB rythme scheme.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "He comes through like a flasher, just giving me a peek."

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I love the unique graphic signature added at the end. It's a great way to leave an impression here on WDC. A very upbeat poem!

Review Signature


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*
10
10
Review of Oh Cupid My Cupid  
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: ASR | (2.0)


*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.


Thank you for entering the Bard's Hall Cupid Slam Contest for FEB 2024. Since this is a unique contest, here is what I'm looking for:

*PointRight* Must slam that beastly little arrow-flinger, CUPID!
*PointRight* Must be Poetry Only, any form or free verse -- doesn't matter so long as it's just plain AWFUL!
*PointRight* Line Count up to 60 or fewer. Place line count at the bottom of the poem.
*PointRight*This poetry entry MUST be written for this contest, February 2024! If it's a leftover slam from another time and place it will be disqualified.
*PointRight* Remember that "bad poetry" doesn't mean just misspellings. We are looking for the really creative kind of "bad" that makes us cringe and groan over its terribleness!

*PointRight* A ONE-STAR RATING is the ultimate goal, here. We will award the "best" one-starred poems as the winners.

And now... onto the review....

*Reading* THE POEM

Blindfolded Cupid hit his target in an open field.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED/AKA CUPID SLAM aka GOOD, BAD, or UGLY:

SLAM: GOOD. Well, Cupid is blindfolded.

Cupid's arrow is like a heart tipped missile.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is a free form poem with no rythme scheme.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

With an ode to Shakespeare, and a couple of thees and thines, the poem tells a story of a wayward arrow with a bad result. Bad poetry, but the slam is a little tame with a heart tipped missile.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall FEB 2024 Contest. Line count was listed in accordance with the contest rules.





Glowing Steph

Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.


11
11
Review of Without Peer  
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE LIMERICK

A warmhearted Limerick dedicated to the founding of Writing.com

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

A very lighthearted and sincere limerick.

*Star* STRUCTURE

A limerick is a 5 line poem with a AABBA rythme scheme with the 3rd & 4th lines shorter and sharing a different rythme. Most have a comedic spin.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

A really nice limerick that tells the tale of Writing.com. I would use this as an example in showing newer writers what a limerick is and the format.

Reviewed by StephB for the Angel Army.

Review Signature
12
12
Review of Cupid's the worst  
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (1.5)

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.


Thank you for entering the Bard's Hall Cupid Slam Contest for FEB 2024. Since this is a unique contest, here is what I'm looking for:

*PointRight* Must slam that beastly little arrow-flinger, CUPID!
*PointRight* Must be Poetry Only, any form or free verse -- doesn't matter so long as it's just plain AWFUL!
*PointRight* Line Count up to 60 or fewer. Place line count at the bottom of the poem.
*PointRight*This poetry entry MUST be written for this contest, February 2024! If it's a leftover slam from another time and place it will be disqualified.
*PointRight* Remember that "bad poetry" doesn't mean just misspellings. We are looking for the really creative kind of "bad" that makes us cringe and groan over its terribleness!

*PointRight* A ONE-STAR RATING is the ultimate goal, here. We will award the "best" one-starred poems as the winners.

And now... onto the review....

*Reading* THE POEM

Cupid is kinda smelly when he goes into action.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED/AKA CUPID SLAM aka GOOD, BAD, or UGLY:

SLAM: BAD. His best is like a fart that smells worse than the rest. It's descriptive but it's only 1 slam and doesn't quite raise to the level of Ugly.


*Star* STRUCTURE

This is a rythming poem that has an ABAB rythme scheme.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

While intentionally bad, the cupid slam comes off a bit tame. Worthy of a 1.5 star.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall FEB 2024 Contest. Line count was listed in accordance with the contest rules.





Glowing Steph

Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.


13
13
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: 13+ | (1.5)

*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.


Thank you for entering the Bard's Hall Cupid Slam Contest for FEB 2024. Since this is a unique contest, here is what I'm looking for:

*PointRight* Must slam that beastly little arrow-flinger, CUPID!
*PointRight* Must be Poetry Only, any form or free verse -- doesn't matter so long as it's just plain AWFUL!
*PointRight* Line Count up to 60 or fewer. Place line count at the bottom of the poem.
*PointRight*This poetry entry MUST be written for this contest, February 2024! If it's a leftover slam from another time and place it will be disqualified.
*PointRight* Remember that "bad poetry" doesn't mean just misspellings. We are looking for the really creative kind of "bad" that makes us cringe and groan over its terribleness!

*PointRight* A ONE-STAR RATING is the ultimate goal, here. We will award the "best" one-starred poems as the winners.

And now... onto the review....

*Reading* THE POEM

Cupid gets drunk with shooting off his arrows.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED/AKA CUPID SLAM aka GOOD, BAD, or UGLY:

SLAM: BAD. Cupid put on women's clothing as he got dressed.

It's a slam, but could be more creative.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is a rythming poem with an ABCBC rythme scheme.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

While intentionally bad, the cupid slam comes off a bit tame. Worthy of a 1.5 star.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall FEB 2024 Contest. Line count was listed in accordance with the contest rules.





Glowing Steph

Logo for Writing.Com Moderators - small.


14
14
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: 13+ | (1.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.


Thank you for entering the Bard's Hall Cupid Slam Contest for FEB 2024. Since this is a unique contest, here is what I'm looking for:

*PointRight* Must slam that beastly little arrow-flinger, CUPID!
*PointRight* Must be Poetry Only, any form or free verse -- doesn't matter so long as it's just plain AWFUL!
*PointRight* Line Count up to 60 or fewer. Place line count at the bottom of the poem.
*PointRight*This poetry entry MUST be written for this contest, February 2024! If it's a leftover slam from another time and place it will be disqualified.
*PointRight* Remember that "bad poetry" doesn't mean just misspellings. We are looking for the really creative kind of "bad" that makes us cringe and groan over its terribleness!

*PointRight* A ONE-STAR RATING is the ultimate goal, here. We will award the "best" one-starred poems as the winners.

And now... onto the review....

*Reading* THE POEM

Cupid has a history of poor matchmaking hijinks.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED/AKA CUPID SLAM aka GOOD, BAD, or UGLY:

SLAM: UGLY ENOUGH. Cupid has flimsy wings, tattered and fragil. A love guru he's not.

The poet gives plenty of reasons for Cupid to retire.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is a rythming poem with an AABB rythme scheme. Each stanza has 4 lines.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The slams are ugly enough to be ugly, but I've seen uglier. Worthy of a 1 star review.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall FEB 2024 Contest. Line count was listed in accordance with the contest rules.
15
15
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: ASR | (1.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.


Thank you for entering the Bard's Hall Cupid Slam Contest for FEB 2024. Since this is a unique contest, here is what I'm looking for:

*PointRight* Must slam that beastly little arrow-flinger, CUPID!
*PointRight* Must be Poetry Only, any form or free verse -- doesn't matter so long as it's just plain AWFUL!
*PointRight* Line Count up to 60 or fewer. Place line count at the bottom of the poem.
*PointRight*This poetry entry MUST be written for this contest, February 2024! If it's a leftover slam from another time and place it will be disqualified.
*PointRight* Remember that "bad poetry" doesn't mean just misspellings. We are looking for the really creative kind of "bad" that makes us cringe and groan over its terribleness!

*PointRight* A ONE-STAR RATING is the ultimate goal, here. We will award the "best" one-starred poems as the winners.

And now... onto the review....

*Reading* THE POEM

Cupid is back to do his yearly duty.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED/AKA CUPID SLAM aka GOOD, BAD, or UGLY:

SLAM: UGLY. He's a little creep with pudgy cheeks and wears wrinkled Huggies with tattered lace.

Great descriptions! Easy to visualize.

*Star* STRUCTURE

The first 3 lines of the stanza rythme with the 4th line rythming with every 4th line. Subtle, yet catchy.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Well done ugly. Cupid's slams are visual and "ewww" worthy.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bard's Hall FEB 2024 Contest. Line count was listed in accordance with the contest rules. A well earned 1 star!

Glowing Steph
16
16
Review of MEMORIES  
Review by StephBee
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE MEMOIR

A dedication to a beloved pet.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

A very heartfelt memoir that connects on an emotional level.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by an unnamed narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* THEME

For me, I picked out the theme of reflection. A beloved pet touched the author's heart and will be missed.

*Star* EMOTIONAL BEATS
How well does the emotional beat resonate with the reader? *Checkr* *Checkr* *Checkr* Great; *CheckR* *CheckR* Good; *Checkr* Okay.

*CheckR* *Checkr* *Checkr* The author drew a picture of how they've grown from sharing their life with their pet.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. I might suggest spacing between the paragraphs and using WDC ML to make it easier on the eyes to read.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestion as mentioned above. The writing is candid, honest, and sincere.

Bee Hive Graphic
17
17
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with Steph Bee's Bee Hive  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

A young girl has a weighty decision to make between music and sports.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the presentation. Good use of WDC ML to make the story easy to read and understand.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited from Bionna's perspective. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. I would suggest an edit for dialogue tags. Use only "he said" or "she replied" in tags to identify the speaker only, if you have to. Put action in a separate sentence. Put the action first, then the dialogue.

FOR EXAMPLE, AS WRITTEN: "I know why you keep having these bad dreams," said Trionne as she look at her daughter.

MY SUGGESTION: Trionne looked at her daughter with a sympathetic smile. "I know why you keep having these bad dreams."

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

There's enough to set the scenes, but this is something that could be expanded on. I know there's a word count, so I might suggest a strategic edit using a good economy of words and focusing on the five senses. How vivid was the dream? What does the power ball field smell like? What's her sense of touch after the accident?

*Star* SETTING

TIME: futuristic
PLACE: fantasy setting

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Bionna

There's enough here to understand her motivations. She enjoys both music and sports and is torn about a career. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling mistakes. I might suggest a minor edit for punctuation. There's a run on sentence starting with the paragraph, "Several hours later..."

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestions as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader. This is a very creative and imaginative that the reader can empathize with as Bionna goes through her struggles.

Bee Hive Graphic
18
18
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with Steph Bee's Bee Hive  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM

A poem about a flower, how it grows, and how it spreads love.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

There was a nice rhythmic flow to the poem that made it easy to read.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is free form poem with rythming couplets making up the stanzas.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "the windless summers warming heat shines on all your colors."

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

I liked the title and thought it was reflective of the poem. I also liked the ending line where it reinforced the power of nature. A very expressive poem.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bee Hive

Bee Hive Graphic

19
19
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with Steph Bee's Bee Hive  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM

The poem dealt with life's adversatives and offered solutions.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the examples the poem gave as we've all been there - climbed a mountain, visited a beach, watched a sunset. It was a very relatable poem.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is free form poem with couplets as the stanzas. The rythmes worked well.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. The poem is easy to read. Good use of WDC ML.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

I liked: "you can lose yourself in that exhausting pain."

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The end offered hope which I appreciated. This was a nice poem that will challenge the reader to reflect on their own life.

Reviewed by StephB for the Bee Hive.

Bee Hive Graphic

20
20
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with Steph Bee's Bee Hive  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE STORY

Serena finds a remote beach to spend some "me" time, and meets Ryan, but she doesn't really get to know him until there's danger.

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked the connection the characters made. The author did a great job making it feel natural and warm even though they just met.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the third person limited from Serena's perspective. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* DIALOGUE

There's a good blend of dialogue and narration. Dialogue tags were used appropriately.

*Star* DESCRIPTIONS

The descriptions were just right! Great visual description to open up the short story and keep the reader reading. I felt like I was at the beach with Serena and Ryan.

*Star* SETTING

TIME: modern day
PLACE: Unnamed Australian beach

This is something that is clarified for the reader.

*Star* CHARACTERS

Serena and Ryan

They're both private people, and yet they seem to gravitate toward one another on a deeper level. *Thumbsup*

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. I might suggest a spacing between each paragraph to make it easier on the eyes. Font and size were good for reading.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

Suggestion as mentioned above. The opening engages the reader and piques their curiosity.

Bee Hive Graphic
21
21
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with Steph Bee's Bee Hive  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* THE POEM

A poem about a visiting whale.

*Idea* WHAT I LIKED

I love whales. What I liked about this poem was how visual it was and how easy I could see it play out in my mind's eye.

*Star* STRUCTURE

This is an 8 line poem with an AABB rythme scheme.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. Good use of WDC ML to make it easy to read.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

A heartwarming and endearing power about the inquisitive nature of whales.

Reviewed by StephBee from the Bee Hive
Bee Hive Graphic
22
22
Review of Cold  
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* INTERNAL DIALOGUE

A girlfriend takes a boyfriend's treasured possession.

*Star* FOLLOWED PROMPT?

Internal dialogue based on the picture prompt? *CheckR*

Place word count with the item. *CheckR*

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

Loved this metaphor: "Still fresh in my mind like a mountaineer on Everest."

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* THEME

For me, I picked out the theme anger and hurt, and how one deals with those emotions.

*Star* EMOTIONAL BEATS
How well does the emotional beat resonate with the reader? *Checkr* *Checkr* *Checkr* Great; *CheckR* *CheckR* Good; *Checkr* Okay.

*CheckR* *Checkr* I could tell the narrator was upset and anger, but, to me I thought there was a bit of melodrama in his reflections.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The title, "Cold" intrigues the reader. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.

Glowing Steph
23
23
Review of Last Few Moments  
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* INTERNAL DIALOGUE

The narrator comes face-to-face with the end of life.

*Star* FOLLOWED PROMPT?

Internal dialogue based on the picture prompt? *XB*

Placed word count in the item. *CheckR*

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

I liked progression of thought - it reminded me of the stages of grief, which felt natural.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by an unnamed narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* THEME

For me, I picked out the theme of acceptance. It isn't easy to look at your own mortality.

*Star* EMOTIONAL BEATS
How well does the emotional beat resonate with the reader? *Checkr* *Checkr* *Checkr* Great; *CheckR* *CheckR* Good; *Checkr* Okay.

*CheckR* *Checkr* I went through the emotional beats with the narrator.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening keeps the reader engaged. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.

Glowing Steph
24
24
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading*INTERNAL DIALOGUE

The narrator is confused which Wednesday it is.

*Star* FOLLOWED PROMPT?

Internal dialogue based on the picture prompt? *CheckR*

Placed word count in the item. *CheckR*

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

The title is interesting and piques the reader's interest.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by an unnamed narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* THEME

Sometimes we let our thoughts wander and entertain just about any scenario that pops into our mind.

*Star* EMOTIONAL BEATS
How well does the emotional beat resonate with the reader? *Checkr* *Checkr* *Checkr* Great; *CheckR* *CheckR* Good; *Checkr* Okay.

*CheckR* I think the narrator is a bit agitated.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes. If anything, I might increase the font size on the item to make it easier to read.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening intrigues the reader. I can honestly say I was just as confused as the narrator when it came to the next NEXT Wednedsay. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.

Glowing Steph
25
25
Review by StephBee
In affiliation with Bard's Hall Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Note1* My review is based on professional editing points. It is meant to be honest, encouraging, and respectful in accordance with WDC guidelines.

*Reading* INTERNAL DIALOGUE

A young person emotionally deals with the death of a parent.

*Star* FOLLOWED PROMPT?

Internal dialogue based on a picture prompt? *CheckR*

Placed word count in the item? *CheckR*

*Smile* WHAT I LIKED

The ending was very hopeful.

*Star* POV NARRATION/TENSE

This is told in the first person by an unnamed narrator. Good job with narration. Past tense is used appropriately.

*Star* THEME

I picked up on a theme of dealing with loss.

*Star* EMOTIONAL BEATS
How well does the emotional beat resonate with the reader? *Checkr* *Checkr* *Checkr* Great; *CheckR* *CheckR* Good; *Checkr* Okay.

*CheckR* *Checkr* The narrator worked through some heavy thoughts to find comfort.

*Star* MECHANICS

I did not spot any spelling/punctuation mistakes.

*Star* PARTING THOUGHTS/SUGGESTIONS

The opening intrigues the reader by noting the crack the sidewalk which can be a parallel for the crack in the narrator's emotional well being. The writing is candid and sincere. Good luck in the Bard's Hall contest.

Glowing Steph
1,247 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 50 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile.php/reviews/sgcardin