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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item.php/item_id/1214426-New-Years-Resolutions
Rated: E · Monologue · Comedy · #1214426
I wrote this right after the New Year. It's my resolutions.
A New Year, a Fresh Start

Last year my new years resolutions was not to make any. Now that I'm a year older, and smarter, I see where I went wrong. So this year, I'm trying resolutions that have a little more hope. By more hope, I mean like 10 minutes more.


Wear clean clothes...almost every day. I know, I know. I said realistic, and this is really pushing my abilities. I mean, who has time to wash clothes on a regular basis? Let alone CHANGE them when they wake up in the morning? I'm debating a set of plans to make this one happen. The top on my list right now is to buy 365 different outfits.

No more eating off the floor...unless I'm sure it's okay to eat. Now this resolution should be easier to accomplish than the first one. For starters, most food that falls on the floor takes hours if not days to become bad. That gives me plenty of time to see it before I can't eat it anymore.

Think before I speak. Probably a resolution that should have already been in place by now. I'm almost certain I remember most of the adults in my life saying something along those lines. But as with most of my childhood memories, all I can hear them say is, "blah blah blah, I'm an adult, blah blah blah." But from now on, when someone walks up to me and asks a stupid question, instead of humiliating them, I might just pretend they said something really smart.

Use my furniture for what it was built for. I have this serious problem with using furniture for the wrong thing. My bed tends to be my dresser, my dresser is my trash can, and my ironing board is my desk. This is probably going to be the hardest resolution to complete. Mainly because it involves making any effort whatsoever, for the rest of my list this was something I absolutly avoided.

Complete at least 75% of the things I start. This is definitely going to be a challenge. I mean, that means I have to complete at least 3.75 of my 5 resolution list. That's a lot of work. So odds are, of the 1 and a quarter of this list that I'm allowed to not complete, it's probably going to be this one, and that whole speaking before I think thing. I think it counts as being .75 complete if I think, and then ignore the thought I had.
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