Silence

It's never a good sign when the whole house is quiet.  Never.  With only three people in the house, if nobody is talking to each other, walking on eggshells is the best way to proceed.  Last night, my whole family was giving each other the silent treatment.  Me to my mom, because she was frustrating me in her attempts to make me hurry up with my computer project; my sister to me, because I got her in trouble for being sneaky; and my mom to both of us, because I was being quick tempered, and my sister was discreetly insinuating she was being a "dictator". What really happened was this:

I had been working on a project for my animation class for the last two days (Friday and Saturday), and was still not done.  I had also previously worked on it last weekend, for a couple hours.  Last weekend, I thought I was done.  However, I got a progress check on Thursday, with things I should work on and add into the project.  Since my next class is on Wednesday, and the project is due this Friday, I realized that I would need to finish here at the house instead of at school, since Wednesday is Yearbook Distribution day, and I am helping with that all day.  On Saturday, I started working on it around 12 noon, maybe, and finished around 6 pm.  My mom kept hurrying me, telling me the incorrect time as I went on.  (It's already 4 o'clock!  When are you going to be done?) in reality, it would only be 3:30 or so.  Finally, around 5 or so, I got frustrated with her many attempts to hurry me up, and told her, I DONT KNOW WHEN I WILL BE DONE.  AND YES, I AM FULLY AWARE OF THE TIME. This of course, didnt help my case.  She got mad at me.  When my sister came out of the shower, she told me to go take mine.  When I told her I still planned to practice my tap dancing outside, and wished to wait until after then to take my shower, she happily agreed, saying it would make her extremely happy if I did go out and tap.  Around 5:45, I was nearing done, until I realized that I needed to put in sounds alongside my buttons for my project.  I had to re-script some buttons, which took some time, and my mom also came to sit and "baby sit" me, to make sure I wasn't doing anything I wasn't supposed to.  She then told my sister to play piano, around 6.  When she went right away, my mom said, "THANK YOU, for listening to me, unlike YOUR SISTER..." At this point, I was extremely fed up.  I was done taking this stuff from her.  I looked up, glared at my mom, and as sarcastically as I could, told her, "thanks a lot!" She gave me a look of surprise, (maybe disgust?) I really don't know what that look was supposed to mean, but either way, she told me "what?! It's true!  I tell you to go shower, you don't move.  You don't move when I tell you to go tap.  Whatever I say, I still can't make you move."  I think I said nothing at that point, but began syncing my music to my iPad so I could use it to go tap outside, since I had just finished my project.  As I headed up the stairs, iPad in hand, getting ready to go out to tap, she looked up, and simply stated, "no.  Go study your psychology,". Surprised at this comment, I quickly obliged, laying the iPad back down, and going to finish my study guide questions.  As I competed the final questions, my sister came back over from finishing her piano.  Since the weekend piano policy is everything 5 times for the examination, (pieces, scales, arpeggios, exercises), and I only heard the pieces, I asked (kind of innocently, but just because I knew it would get her in trouble), "don't you have to play everything 5 times today?"

Hearing this, my mom agreed with me, saying yes, you do.  And saying that my sister needed to play everything else still.  Naturally, my sister wasn't happy with this, asking if I really had to bring that up.  Rushing through everything and playing poorly, she finished her repertoire, with my mom making comments like, play properly, or slow down, or don't clip the last note.  My sister came back afterwards and asked, "can I just play a half hour from now on instead of everything 5 times?" My mom's answer was a question: "do you not have enough time?"  My sisters response: "no, it's not that.  I just feel like I would play better if I had a half hour to play, so that I don't have to play everything 5 times.  Like if I get the songs on the first go, then I don't have to play them again.  And I can work on my scales, and exercises because I know they're not that good yet."  My mom's response was: "well, your pieces aren't that great right now, either!" After a long, tense silence, my sister asked again, to get her final answer.  "So can I play a half hour instead of 5 times?" My mom's answer was a flat, "no."  My sister probed further, asking "why?" Sounding slightly desperate and frustrated.  My moms excuse was "because I said so."  Once more without emotion or tone.  Now my sister told my mom, "but if it's going to be better for my playing, then shouldn't I do it? And you really can't DICTATE my playing like that!" My mom said something along the lines of "I'm not dictating your playing," before I tuned them out. 

Finishing my psychology study guide, I went to go play piano, therefore ignoring the two of them squabbling.  From there I went back to the living room to drop off my glasses in its case before I went to go take my shower, with a curt "bye" that only my sister responded.

When I got out of the shower, I heard my mom go to bed.  It was only 8:30.  I asked my sister what happened, and she said, "i pissed off mom".

I Skyped my friend to talk to her about what happened, when my mom came back out; seeing me on the iPad, she told me, "play until the sun comes back up, ok?"  I told her steadily, "I'm not playing."  She went back in for all of 5 minutes and came back out, picking up the phone.  "I'm going to call your grandfather and talk to him about confiscating your iPad." I looked at her, half glaring,  "why?!" "Because, you're always doing stuff that you're not supposed to be doing on there.  You're always playing, and IMing your friends."  Well, with a life like mine, who wouldn't need to talk to their friends and blow off steam?!  She continued, "when you're down there, I know you're not always working, in fact, you're usually playing and doing stuff you shouldn't be doing.  Did you know you've worked on that project for 30 hours?! No teacher would assign a 30-hour project."  She picked up the phone again to being dialing. "No!" I exclaim.  She puts down the phone.  "What?! Don't look at me like that." She says.  So I shift my gaze/glare to something over her shoulder.  The interrogation begins. "You're not always working down there, right?  Actually, you're usually playing." "Yes, I'm not ALWAYS working down there, but it doesn't mean that I'm usually playing." "Yes you are." She accuses.  "It's a long weekend, and so far, you haven't had time to go outside to tap ONCE.  How do you explain that?" I know it's a weak excuse but I use it anyways, "piano, school, finals..." She gives out a little "ha", and rolls her eyes.  "Yeah you've played soooo much piano, and I haven't seen you even STUDY for finals yet.  Act like you care about piano a little more, why don't you?" I desperately want to tell her, "I don't care! That's why! I would rather tap all day than sit there and play pieces by dead people!"  I hold my tongue knowing that my preferred reply won't help my case at all, it would just hurt it.  She glares down at my iPad.  "Do you know how many times I've wanted to take that thing and just smash it?!"  I will myself not to cry.  I look down at the iPad.  "You're still not closing it?!" I close it.  "You're still not going to sleep?"  So I take my iPad and bring it down to where my computer is, and where the charger is.  "So now you're going to take 20 minutes to go charge it, and check up on a few things, right?" She remarks.  I sit down and plug it in, not saying a word.  I head into the bathroom, where the tears begin to fall.  After a few minutes, I take a deep breath, and brush my teeth, hearing snatches of  what my mom has to say to my sister.  "Well, why did you have to be so sneaky?  If you weren't so sneaky, that wouldn't have had to happen."  Then, "it's her own fault if she doesn't get into college.  If her brain is affected that much by electronics that she can't get into college, that's her own fault.  And I know you're listening, older sister, which is why I'm saying this so loud." I drag myself into the room and crawl into bed, ignoring my sister's sniffles.  I arrange my stuffed animals once more, and shut my eyes, willing myself to go sleep.  As I do, my mom hugs my sister, saying, "it's ok, don't cry.  If she want to be mean, then let her.  Come on, let's hug.  Shhh. I said don't cry!  If you cry, then you can't play in your tournament tomorrow." After maybe 5 or so minutes, I feign sleep, turning my back to them.  Finally, my mom leaves my sister's bed, patting my feet, saying good night.  Moaning in response, I turn on my side again, and try to sleep.

I wake up this morning, hearing my mom pattering around in the kitchen. I hear the microwave's ding, as my mom's breakfast is done.  I stay in bed, until 7:30 come and goes, and my mom comes in to waken my sister for the tournament.  Outside, I can hear the two of them chattering, and laughing, as if nothing happened last night.  I sit in bed, softly singing to myself, first, Rihanna's "Stay", then Kelly Clarkson's "Because of you".  My mom approaches the room, so I quickly lie down and close my eyes, hoping she'll think I'm still sleeping.  Contrarily, she doesn't pay any attention to me, heading into the bathroom to get ready.  I hear my sister coming in, too, to get dressed.  Her drawer opens and closes with a sharp thud.  "How inconsiderate!", I'm thinking, but I don't do or say anything, as this is normal for me.  Finally, I hear the piano.  Impossible for me to not be awakened, I figure, so I climb out of bed, and and say hello to my mom in the bathroom.  She hears me and says a curt hello back. 

As of right now, my sister and mom have left for the tournament already.  As they left, I told my mom, "bye! I love you!", only getting a short "bye." back.  Obviously, I'm not back on her good side yet, and it would be wise for me to walk on eggshells around her until I am.

Strangely, when they came back in the afternoon, my mom did a 180- turn around.  She came back jovial and cheerful.  She was no longer giving me the "silent treatment" as they call it; instead, she joked around with me, and told me that they had gotten me my favorite dim sum, and that I should dig in.  Shocked by this sudden friendliness, I quietly and suspiciously ate my meal.  I told her what I had done while she was gone-finished studying psychology, vacuumed, and had a small lunch. I didn't mention my little on-the-spot choreography session right before they came back, but what they don't know won't hurt them. 

The hard thing about getting into fights around here is the communication-or lack of it.  Whenever somebody gets mad, the chosen punishment is most likely the silent treatment, and if things get even worse, my mom chooses "go (back) to bed", regardless of the time.  Guiltily, we approach her bed to beg for forgiveness, and if we have seriously erred, she lays the guilt on thick.  "It's OK", she tells us, "it's not your fault, it's mine; I didn't teach you well enough, so you turn out like this." At that point, the best way to proceed is to apologize a final time and walk away, hoping that when she wakes up again, everything will be back to normal.