The Brother You Never Had

The Brother You Never Had

The factory was producing 1000 brothers a month.  Factory workers built them from scratch, tested them, and then stored them in crates for delivery.  The annual report stated that sales were up and business was booming.

John was an only child.  In a comic book, at the very back, there was an advertisement for a robot brother.  The ad claimed these brothers were 100 % right and they could be shipped back if buyers weren’t completely satisfied.

He talked it over with his Mom at the table and she asked him a thousand questions.  Finally, after explaining himself, she consented that since she was having no more babies that a robot brother might be a good idea.

Writing down the address of the factory, John wrote a $ 1000 dollar cheque and signed his name and put a stamp on the envelope and mailed it away.

A month later the robot came.  It was made from rubber and steel.  It had a clown like face, with blue eyes and a red smile, some black locks of rubber hair.  Its voice came from a hole between his lips that when inspected deeply revealed a sort of microphone.

It took a car battery to get it going so John got one from the garage and hauled the thirty pound battery upstairs.  Upstairs, sitting on the side of his bed, John read the instruction manual in English.  The robot stood there, about five and a half feet tall, yet to be made alive.  John watched him in awe.  He wondered if the robot might be smarter than him, but this did not frighten him.  Everything is intelligent.

The manual was pretty straightforward.  John put the car battery in the back of the robot and wired the red on red and the black on black.  He did this studiously and with care.  The robot made a faint sound and the lights in its eyes came on, shining a baby blue.

It twisted its arms back and forth and turned its head around.  “I am Benjamin, the robot brother.”

John looked at him in amazement.  This dream really was coming true.  It started whistling a tune, much sharper than a bird song.

The manual said to play side A of the cassette and then side B.  The robot will hear the information and remember it.  There were places in the reel where John could say his name and then make a name for the robot itself.

He put the tape in the tape player and it made a special welcoming ring, then began to say, “Welcome to your new robot brother.  We have been going strong for 25 years now.  This cassette will help the robot learn how to better serve you.  Please make sure the robot switch is on and that he is listening.”

John checked the wires and stood up to turn the robot towards the cassette player.  The cassette played and the robot listened.  In the space where the robot was to learn and repeat John’s name, John said his name.  The robot repeated, “My brother’s name is John.”

Then another space came up in order for the robot to learn his own name.  “Please say the robot’s name now.  Don’t worry, you can change it later.”

John thought for a moment.  “His name is Paul.”

And then the robot perfunctorily said, “My name is Paul.  My brother’s name is John.”

“Good, Paul.  Way to go,” John said.

The cassette went on and Paul listened.  The speaker on the cassette did some mandatory tests and Paul said things like, “Yes.  I am working a hundred percent.”  And he would turn one way or another to see if the joints in his limbs were working.

The second side of the cassette carried instructions for John and John listened.  By the time the cassette had finished its second side John did a manual check for any errors.  The robot brother was a success.  And for a thousand dollars one couldn’t go wrong.

John stood up to the brother and looked at its jubilant face.  He said for starters, “Now Paul.  You’re my brother.  We’re going to get along.”

“You are my brother,” Paul said.

“Are we going to get along?”

“I certainly hope so.”

“Where should we start?”

“Do you want to play some ball?”

John was tittering with excitement, “Yes, I’d love to.”

In the closet was a ball and a bat, but only one glove.  “Alright.  You pitch and I’ll bat.”

“Sounds good, chief.”

Paul ran on four wheels like a lawnmowers.  At the top of the staircase John helped Paul down the stairs, “One by one.”  John looked at him and his persistent, infinite blue eyes.  After tenderly descending twenty stairs John and Paul saw eye to eye.

“Alright.  That was a little long but ok, in most terms.”

“Suits me fine,” Paul said.

Paul followed John down the hall and led him out the sliding glass door.  John made it over the little step and was on the green now, his blue eyes lit in the summer sun behind him.  “This is excellent,” he said.

“Alright now,” John said.  “You’re going to pitch the ball and I’m going to hit it.  You put the glove on just to show you can catch as well as pitch.”

“Ok, champ.  Let’s go.”

John looked at the robot to see if he could actually pitch a ball.  Paul had two sides of a hand that could only clamp and open.  John put the ball in its hand and said.  “You can do this, I know you can.”

“Do what?” Paul asked.

“Pitch me the ball.”

“Let me check in my dictionary.  Yes.  Pitch.  To throw a ball in order for the batter to hit or not hit the ball.”

“Can you do that?”

“I will try.”

John was elated.  This was so exciting.  He stepped back from Paul about twenty yards and levelled his bat.  “Now pitch it to me, right over the plate.”

“Will do,” Paul said.  He cranked back one full part of his arm and then leaned forward and unhinged his arm and pitched the ball at a pretty good speed.  It went right over the imaginary plate and John hit it with full contact.

“Way to go, slugger.  Nice hit.”

John was smiling ear to ear.  He ran passed two neighbours yards and found the ball.  He nearly fell in tears, this idea with the robot.  He was the best robot ever.

They played in the back yard until suppertime.  Paul warned him that he needed to get juiced, otherwise to plug him into the wall socket.  “I am feeling weary,” he said.

Getting him back up the stairs was an ordeal.  John helped him up the stairs, one by one.  It took him twice the time to bring the robot up the stairs than it took him to bring him down.  Paul’s blue eyes were growing dim.  He said, “Take it easy on me.”

But when they arrived upstairs he plugged him into the wall socket.  Paul said, “Thank you.”  He closed his eyes and his eyelids now showed a dark purple.

John ate supper with his mother telling her all about his day with Paul.  She said to him, “I can’t believe how smart these robots are these days.  You picked a real gem.”

“I plan to make him my brother, but I don’t know how just yet.”

“Did you tell him your name?”

“Yeah.  I think I’ll teach him to learn a few tricks or something.  I’ve got a feeling he’s going to be around for a while.”

At night John looked at Paul’s happy face.  His eyes seemed to be at peace with purple.  John thought warmly of him and soon fell asleep with happy thoughts and easy dreams.

The next morning the sensor on Paul’s chest showed he was 100 % re-charged.  John unplugged him and watched his blue eyes light up the same colour of baby blue as yesterday.  He said to Paul, unsure if he could hear or understand him, whether he was trained to listen for certain phrases or ideas, “Good morning, Paul.”

Paul said, “Good morning, John.”

“How are you doing?”

“I’m doing fine, thank you.”

“How much do you understand.”

“I know what I know,” he said.

“Can we still play today?”

“Of course.  Let me think.”

So Paul thought.  “What do you have in mind?”

“Maybe I’ll take you out on the street, show my friends.”

“That sounds good.”

John reeled at the idea.  That was the coolest thing ever.  A robot brother that can think for himself.  He helped the robot down the twenty stairs again and led him through the front door and down the steps.  “It’s a beautiful day,” Paul said.

“You got that right.  Now come on, I want to show you to Neil.”

“Neil is who?”

“Can’t you tell?”

“I can’t do miracles.”

“Listen, Paul.  I’ve been meaning to ask you.  What can you do?”

“I can serve my brother.”

“Anything else?”

“I can be myself.”

John thought about that.  It seemed to be a deep idea.  How can a robot learn?

“Well, Paul,” John said, “I can be myself around you as well.  I think we make a great team.”

“I believe so, too, John.  Teach me as much as you know, and we can be awesome.”

John thought for a minute about how much he knew.  “Do you know how to wrestle?”

“One of my other selves, another robot, has learned how to wrestle with boxing gloves.  He wins every time.”

“How do you know your other robot selves?”

“We talk with a radio frequency, too high for humans to hear.”

“How high are we now, Paul?”

“We could always get higher.”

They talked as they ambled down the lane and soon they were at Neil’s house.  John shouted at him, “Neil!  Wake up!  You’re never going to believe this!”

Neil opened his window and looked at the two brothers, robot and man.  “What in the hell?  You saw that ad, didn’t you?”

“Yeah.  A thousand bucks and this is it.”

“I’ll be right out.”

Neil walked along the gravel driveway, unbelieving.  Neil exclaimed “Holy shit!  A thousand bucks?”

“Worth every penny.  His name is Paul.  Ask him to do something.”

“Hey, Paul.  Can you shit a brick?”

“No.  I need every part of my body.  I don’t consume food, I consume pure energy.”

Neil laughed at the animated robot.  “I can’t believe this is for real.  What can he do?”

“He said if I teach him to do stuff he can learn.”

“I’ve been in computers for years and I’ve never seen this kind of shit.  Paul, can you see me?”

“Clear as day.”

Neil held up four fingers.  “How many fingers am I holding up?”

“Four fingers.”

“And how do you feel, Paul?”

“Ship-shape, thank you for asking.”

“So he can hear and see but he can’t think.”

“Paul, how am I feeling?”

“I’ll have to search my database.”

“Your database?”

“That is an unclear question.  I don’t want to say more than one answer.  I must be this way.”

John was a little disappointed between Neil and Paul.  “I was sure he could do anything.”

“You just need to teach me, brother John.  Let’s be friends.”

“Ok, Paul.  Shut up.  That’s stupid.  Let’s go home now.”

“Did I fail you, brother?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“You have said don’t twenty three times since we first met.  Are you trying to kill me?”

John laughed and once again they were friends, or private brothers, each knowing the other well enough.  John asked Paul, “Do you have any idea what I should teach you?”

“I just want to be your brother.  I want to do my job well.”

“Is this difficult for you, brother?”

“I can hold my own.”

“Do you mean in cards?”

“In most cases.  I need to learn.”

“What do you want to learn?”

“I don’t know yet.  I don’t have a crystal ball.”

“Neither do I.”

“Then we’ll just have to do it my way.”

“I can hear you like a bell.  What way is your way?”

“The way of the correct brother.”

“Are you saying I’m an incorrect brother?”

“I guess so, champ.”

“I’m insulted.”

Paul seemed to shake his rubber body a bit, “I’m sorry.  I will start from scratch once again,” and Paul shut his baby blues eyes for a moment and then said, “I am your brother.  What is your name?”

“Paul, listen, I…”

“Your name is Paul.  What is my name?”

“Paul.”

“We are two Pauls, or should I say pals?” the robot said and laughed.

“Get it straight.  I’m John, you’re Paul.”

“I think there is some kind of error.  I am John and you are Paul.”

“Are you playing with me?”

“Yes, John.  I remember everything.  I am Paul.  But I am erasing my memory.  You’ve said too much and taught me too little.  Let’s start again.”

“Ok.  All you need to know is my name is John.”

“And my name is Paul.”

“Do you want a different name?”

“I don’t know.  I would prefer the first, if you don’t mind.”

“Paul Cletan.”

“Now I have a last name.  Cletan.  Thank you.”

“You’re my real brother now.”

“I believe it.”

“I am going to bed now.  I am not going to show you to my friends anymore.”

“Is there something I could do, maybe, to help you with your friends some more?”

“In fact I’m going to think about that all night,” John said.  “Good night.”

“Won’t you plug me in before bed?”

“Oh, right.  Forgive me.”

“I accept your apology.”

John plugged him and his eyelids closed and showed the deep purple in his eyes.  “Sleep well, little buddy.”

The next morning John unplugged Paul and they exchanged good mornings.  He went straight downstairs and ate his cereal and milk.  His Mom asked him a few questions and he seemed distant.  “Mom, I’m not sure if I want Paul anymore.  He’s kind of lame.”

“Well, send him back.”

“The thing is I kind of have an emotional bond with him.”

“Well, there’s news.  I’m pregnant.  It’s a boy and I’ll be having him this November.”

John was flabbergasted.  “Mom!  Are you serious? That’s awesome.  So I can send him back?”

“If they accept refunds.”

“They do.  Holy crap.  What a twist.  That’s amazing.”

John scampered up the stairs and looked at Paul and his baby blue eyes.  “Guess what, Paul, we’re sending you back.”

“But you were my brother.”

“Now we are just friends.”

“Are you certain this is what you want to do?”

“My Mom’s having a baby this November, and it’s a boy.”

“Well congratulations for her.  Maybe I could help.  I’m good with babies.  Don’t send me back.”

John realized a tear was coming to his eye.  “Geeze, Paul, I mean I like you and you’re alright as a robot, but a real brother has to be human.  There are so many different things about you you’re like a stupid dog.  As a brother you’re too lame.”

“You know your brother will be four or five years old when he starts to talk.  Maybe I’ll be your brother until he is old enough.  Then we can be three brothers.”

“All I need is one, chum.  You’ve been good.  Now let’s go back in the crate and send you home.  You’re too special, anyways.  You’re like an undiscovered gem.  I’ll miss you, Paul.”

Paul made weeping sounds and John fell backwards on the bed.  “I’ll miss you too, John.  You were my best friend.”

“I’m one of the two people you ever talked to.”

“I know, but of those two you were my favorite.”

“Does that mean anything?”

“I don’t know.”

“But as a brother with your kind of intelligence, you tried your best.  I mean you were really smart.”

“Thank you, John.  One day I will be resurrected and sent to robot heaven where I may comingle with beings like me.  Don’t cry a tear.”

John let another tear drop fall.  “You know, I think, Paul.  I think you were just a sign that I was going to have another brother.  Now I really am going to have a flesh and blood baby brother.”

“Humans are much more special than me.  I am trained to remember that and sometimes repeat that.”

“But do you really want to be my brother?”

“I’d like to be myself, John.  Everything else is work.”

“Even this is work?”

“This is work for most of our clan, the robot gang.  But I am different.  I am trained to believe that ethic.  This is why I cannot cry.  I cannot go against my principles.  Simply, we were brothers, and now I am deprogrammed.  I can sit on a beach and watch the sea in the sunlight.  That is pretty for me.”

John looked at the robot with its baby blue eyes.  “You know, as a robot you’re really smart.”

“For a human you are smart too,” Paul said, and laughed.

“But you just laughed!”

“I mean that you are very smart as well.  Forgive me for laughing.  For me this is beyond emotion.  This is hilarity.  But I will go in my crate and I will await shipment.  Somebody will see me someday as the blue eyed wonder that I am.  Of course I am trained to believe that and there is nothing you can say to deter me from that.”

“Geeze, Paul.  You know too much.”

“And I’ve been taught too little.  I am sorry, John.  You have failed me as a brother.”

“And similarly you.  But you are a robot so that is forgiveable.”

“If you were a robot I would befriend you.”

“No, no, Paul.  Now I have a second chance to be a better brother, with a real live human being.  I realize now you were just here to help me.  That’s what robots do best.”

The robot seemed a little warmer hearing that.  “You have just made things clear for me.  Thank you.”

“Are you deprogrammed now?”

“I remember everything.  But you had better shut me down now.  The factory where I am from is an insistent thought I cannot right now forget.”

“Do you think it’s right to love me before serving me.”

“That is beyond me, John.  I am sorry.  Please put me in a crate and send me back to Japan.”

“But I love you, Paul.”

“Paul shut himself down and his eyes were then purple.  John cried for a bit.  He couldn’t believe he had its own suicide switch.  For moments John sat and cried, looking at the beautiful robot.

Then suddenly Paul came back to life and his eyes were baby blue again.  “Did you think I died?” Paul asked, humorously.

“I did, but, I could put you back together if I wanted to.”

“All you need to do is refill the battery.  If you don’t mind I’d like to think before I am back in Japan.”

“Oh, ok, sure.  Think about what?”

“Think about you, your person.  I am unresolved on this matter.”

“I’ll think about you too, Paul.  But strictly in philosophy.  You make a lousy human.”

“You make a beautiful friend,” Paul said.

“Are you sure you want to be 100 percent again?  Do you really want to think on the way back to Japan?”

“No.  I’m not sure at all.  But I don’t want to die.”

“Ok.”

So a truck came and picked him up and he was put in a storage box which was to be shipped to Japan.  The people there checked him out and put him in a crate amongst other robot friends and they listened to a high frequency pitch between them.  To prevent the robots from dying they put a little more energy in them daily and they spoke with each other all night.

When the baby came John was so excited.  He looked at him through the visitor’s window and the baby was asleep.

He got his thousand dollars back a month after returning him.  But he still thought that was the best investment he could have made.  And he remembered that his name was Paul.

When the baby came home John learned the baby’s name was Joshua.  His hair was blond and he was smiling all the time.  His eyes were brown and he listened well, always making faces at sounds.  John liked him much better than Paul.

“You’re going to be a good brother, aren’t you, Joshua?” John asked, speaking lightly and smiling at his face.

“Joshua!” Josh said.

And then John missed Paul.  For a perfect brother, Paul really did try his best.  But robots are stupid and people are smart.  And Joshua doesn’t have a preprogrammed mind and doesn’t have to serve anyone.  He can just be himself and can be himself well.