Unicorns and Giant Cockroaches

Word count: Approx. 850
Notes/Warnings: Mentions of drug use.

It was a beautiful summer day, so why did I feel so blue?

The sun was shining, the sky was blue, and there were plenty of interesting, fluffy clouds for imagining. I was chilling in the park with my bestest, Radford, watching a happier world go by. Normally my favorite activity.

But today, I was trapped in my own world . . . a world of brooding thoughts and formless regrets.

“—and I told Micah to fuck that shit, I’m not helping him kidnap dogs then return them for the reward,” Radford said, every inch a man of conviction. I glanced over at him. He was laying flat on his back in the grass, his shirt pulled up to reveal a swath of fish-belly white gut that had seen its share of six packs, and would likely never have one.

“What the hell’re you talking about?” I demanded, having lost the thread of Radford’s rant entirely, so wrapped up was I in my own shit. “You’re gonna kidnap dogs for reward money?” I was horrified.

Radford reached up to tip down his shades. He was giving me a look. “No, I’m not. That was the whole point of that scintillating monologue. There’s doing anything for a little extra cash, and then there’s stealing puppies from little old ladies and making them pay to get those puppies back.” Snorting, Radford pushed his shades back up and settled into the grass once more, arms cushioning his head. “Needless to say, that’s my line in the sand. One that Micah has no problem crossing.”

“Huh,” I said, still horrified, but glad that it didn’t have to be at my best friend. “Why’re we friends with him, again?”

“Because he can get his hands on LSD no matter where he is, in five minutes, flat.” Radford snorted again and I lay down next to him in the grass, hoping no ants would get curious and crawl into my ear canal, like last time.

“You’re the one who drops acid, Radford. I just stick with ‘shrooms and pot. The natural stuff.”

“Tomayto, tomahto.” Radford swatted my arm. “You should come to the darkside, sometime. Hallucinating is fun.”

“Noooooo, thank you,” I said, laughing. “I’ll take a pass. I dunno what-all lurks in my psyche, waiting to spill into my waking mind.”

“Probably giant cockroaches and monsters, brah,” Radford deadpanned. I shuddered.

“Not cool, dude. So not cool.”

“Okay, then, unicorns and pixies. Shit, I dunno. It’s your psyche.”

I rolled my eyes up at the sky and immediately spotted a turtle-shaped cloud. When I blinked and started to point it out to Radford, he was suddenly leaning over me, blocking the turtle, shades pushed up into his unruly dark hair. His slightly-baked brown eyes were serious.

“If you ever do wanna try it, I’ll walk you through it. We’ll ride the unicorns and battle the giant cockroaches together,” he promised, and I smiled.

“Thanks . . . I think.”

“’S what I’m here for, brah.” He held up his hand, pinky extended. I grinned and some of my funk lifted as I caught his pinky in my own, in the promise-shake we’d been doing since we were eight.

“Best buds forever,” I said, tugging and squeezing on his pinky.

“Word, biznatch.” Radford grinned back and we yanked our fingers apart. Then he was lying back down.

We watched the clouds go by for a while, pointing out the different things we saw in them, until a companionable silence fell. Then Radford nudged my arm.

“You know, it’s not like Micah would, you know, treat the puppies badly. We’d just be—”

“Tricking old ladies into thinking you ‘found’ their ‘lost’ dogs? And accepting money from them that they can ill-afford?”

“Yeah, yeah . . . okay, it is a pretty skeevy, scumbag thing to do,” Radford grumbled, and I laughed.

“It really, really is. Please don’t be a skeevy scumbag.”

“Fine . . . I won’t.”

“Good.”

Silence fell again for long minutes, during which my blue summer day started to turn almost . . . pink.

“Unicorn,” Radford said suddenly, pointing at a distant, amorphous cloud. “Or maybe . . . a giant cockroach.”

I squinted doubtfully, angled my head a bit. Radford’s hairy arm was warm against my own as he nudged it. “Definitely a unicorn. A mighty battle-steed,” I replied in a languid sort of voice. I felt dreamy . . . almost as if I’d done some ‘shrooms. But I hadn’t. Radford snickered.

“You’d be so fun on acid, brah. No lie. Join me on the darkside. It is your destiny,” he said, ala Darth Vader—it was a pretty good impression, too, in spite of the snickering.

“With friends like you and days like this, who needs LSD?” I nudged his arm back and pointed out another distant cloud. “Bunny rabbit.”

END