... one surprise lighter.

Alright, the pressure of keeping this secret has just been too much! I'm dropping it on your heads.

"Invalid Entry"  = the super secret newsletter being created in secret... secretly.

Some of you got this through the group of the same name, but I'm going to leave that link here for all to see. Then, if you so chose, you may petition for entry into the group. There's a vast induction ritual that you have to undertake which includes collecting a pair of 23 different freshman girls' underwear and then streaking through the quad during lunch. A keg stand usually fits into this somewhere too.

I think I wrote succinctly in the intro of the newsletter the group's goals, the newsletter's purpose and what not, so I won't repeat it here. But do give it a look and the group a consideration.

If nothing else, you should play the games, they're wickedly mischievous
 

... Large Hadron Collider.

You guys know how much I like to do science. I like doing science more than doing football! Well, here is some scienceing for you: Bird drops baguette, halts Collider.

http://news.cnet.com/8301-17852_3-10392917-71.html?part=rss&subj=news&tag=2...

The fact that a bird can carry a hunk of baguette anywhere near the Hadron Collider is startling to me first off. You would think for the $9 billion invested in this thing, someone would put a roof over it. But, what captured my attention most about this article was the other article linked within from the NYT.

The Collider, the Particle and a Theory About Fate
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/13/science/space/13lhc.html?_r=2

Long/short, a couple of physicists have a theory that the Hadron Collider's mishaps and what-nots are being caused by, well... The Higgs particle (or "God" particle if your bashing a bible (instead of your bishop)) would be, these guys say, so abhorrent to the nature of our time and space, that the universe itself, when suffering its consequences, would come back in time and prevent the Collider from working.

Confusing? Not really. You're playing a video game, you save your game at a checkpoint then fall in a pit. You go back to the checkpoint and this time don't fall in the pit. The Large Hadron Collider: Proving Nature Uses Autosave

This theory actually coincides with one of my own, the Zack Theory Of Awesometivity (Or Z=Mc∂ ©, using ∂ = awesome). What this theory states is that you will not die. You, as you sit and know yourself, will live a long life, or as long as your physical body allows. If you went out today and were to cross a street, you may stop just in time to not get hit by a car.

Alternately, as I sit and know myself, I may read that you were hit by a car and I would do crying . Stephen Hawkings a few years back said, in regards to his original black hole theory, that the building blocks of matter and energy could not be destroyed in a black hole, they were simply maintained in an alternate universe. We can only exist in one temporal universe at a time, hence, you may pass in my universe, I may pass in yours, but in one universe we keep on trucking.

You will die, eventually, physically there's only so much the body can do. But consciousness, energy, cannot be destroyed or lost from the universe. If these theories about the branching of time, about parallel and alternate universes are true, then one of you has to live out the full time your physical body will allow. See?

I feel like you're all still thinking about that damned bird. Here, let Carl Sagan's auto-tuned voice woo you back to me:

... your SATURDAY STUMPER


If I were to reside on the Satellite of Love, on what cult, classic TV show might I appear? That's the Satellite of Love.

Good luck to all competitors, many will enter few will win.
 

... doin' work! Good game, one - five!

... can be found, please accept this substitute.

http://www.wired.com/thisdayintech/2009/11/1105back-to-the-future

That's right, on this date 54 years ago, the flux capacitor was conceived. The world has never been the same.

So, fk the Yankees. I hate the Yankees. The Phillies really needed to plan on using Lee three times, the third time would have been last night to get them into game seven. Four day, five day rests can't be had in the post season. Nu-hu, not on my watch.

Bad news, team. The documentary being made about my life Awesome: The Z-Bomb Story has been given an NC-17 rating by the MPAA for, and I quote, "being too god-dned potent, its mere viewing may cause pregnancy and/or restless leg syndrome". Son of a... thankfully though, there is a substitute. I think the following video portrays how I live quite well.

... international translator.

I was talking with a friend of mine from Afghanistan and a girl from China today. The three of us were discussing Chinese politics and then my friend from Afghanistan got a little confused with Pin Yin and, well, English in general.

Her: My second name is Wang.

Him: How is that spelled?

Her: W-A-N-G, it's pronounced Wong.

Him: W-E-N-G?

Me: No, A.

Him: Yeah, E, like elephant.

Me: No, A, like apple.

Him: Oh, wing, like a bird.

Her: Wong.

Him: Yeah, in America we say it like wing

Me: What do we say?

Her: You don't like A do you?

Him: A?

Me: You pronounce it wong, like W-O-N-G.

Him: I knew that...

Her first name is Qiu-ju, pronounced Chu-cho. So to him her name is Choo-Choo, like a train.

Anyhoo, enough about me, let's talk about you... what are you wearing?

... that's how close I am to birthing this secret all over your face. Better boil some water, yo.

You know how a few days ago when I asked what everyone thought WdC lacked, Problematic Content noted that this site needed a midget with a mullet... delivered!

... NaNo, we salute you. A tribute to the NaNo efforts of the WdC-ers.

Ahem -

Oh ye ticklers of the typing buttons!
Pounding out your novel thoughts.
Do ye NaNo for the troops?
Do ye NaNo for the flag?

In morning's dripping dew,
should I turn to you,
for purple prose salvation?

Will yer yarn be of love's fickle farts,
or aliens and space boats?
Will ye spell check at chapters fin,
or after the epilogue?

Will it be by Vistas window,
or by Apple's superior glow?
Will it be a tasty treat,
or simply up and blow?

A month begins,
and by its end,
you'll have laundry finished naught.


Good luck, NaNoMo-ers... you're gonna need it.
 

... pretty bad fight yesterday, but I forgive you. In fact, I reward you:

... this has got to end.

That's right, I quit. I quit WdC forever!

I used to always be like, "No, go say hi to those peeps. I know you want to read books about Narnia, but there will be time for that later"... but there never was! And now there will be plenty of time for books about Narnia! I'm crapping my pants I'm so fking excited about Narnia and st.

So yeah, this is good-bye. Let's not make a thing of it, I mean, it was bound to happen eventually. We were just right for each other in a moment, and now that's passed... and you put on weight, but this isn't about you, it's about me - and Narnia, fking Narnia Forever! You'll meet someone new, I can't promise awesome like me, but certainly new.

Oh, and I really want my Thundercats T-shirt back, cause it's, like, rad and st. Could you just mail it to me? Fine, keep it.

Look, I don't know what you want me to say so you'll stop crying... I'm just going to go. You've got my e-mail if you need to ask me anything about Narnia or something. We're cool right? You're not going to, like, stalk me or trash my car or anything, yeah? Well, whatever. Later.