Yesterday I had the pleasure of reading a really well written, thoughtful, insightful, blog entry. If you have not yet read "An open letter of explaination." , written by Nada , then you really do need to check it out. That entry did a dangerous thing, it got me to thinking and you all know I don't do that well.

Yes, indeed Nada, America does Rock. The problem with that is that it is not a very popular thing to say you know. This country has a complex. You see, many of its citizens feel the intense need to apologize to the world for being who and what we are.

Let me be the first to say: "I ain't one of em."

Nada talked about the dangers to Americans who are traveling in Europe right now, of protesters marching in the streets, carrying signs in support of our enemy, and threatening bodily harm to any Americans they find.

Well I have a few thoughts on that subject....

America did not make an entrance upon the world stage until WW1 and they came fairly late to that party. At the time, our Army was pitifully small, but as has always been the case here in America, its ranks were soon swelled by citizen, volunteer, soldiers who rushed to answer the call of their government and travel thousands of miles across an ocean to help their "friends".

We made a fairly good showing at that particular party; we paid our dues into their "Old Boy's Club" with the blood of thousands of American lives and an aggressor was stopped dead in his tracks. At the end of the day, what did we have to show for it? Well, we were suddenly a player on the world stage, and we had earned not the respect of the rest of the world, but their resentment.

"Who were these upstart Americans anyway? How dare they come in here and throw their weight around to US! After all, we have been slaughtering each other for a thousand years without the help of Americans, why can't they just mind their own business...oh and do you think we might get them to help us rebuild our countries this time?"

So it began, and so it has gone on, more or less unchanged for almost one hundred years now.

They love us when they need us and they hate us when they don't. Now that, in and of itself, is no big deal. I could live with that attitude and not have too much of a problem with it.

What really frosts my balls are the Americans who feel the need to apologize for their country. This country needs no one to apologize for it, thank you very much. Did you know that after 9/11 there was a segment of this country who went around spreading the idea that it was our fault the poor Muslim terrorist had been forced to incinerate almost three thousand innocent lives!

Well the apologies stop here. This old boy will never apologize for being an American nor will I beg forgiveness for the actions of my country. I can almost hear some out there right now:

"What a reactionary, cave-man like attitude! Clearly uneducated and ignorant of World Affairs!"

You would be absolutely right, my friend; that pretty well describes me. But, the thing is....there are millions out there just like me. They go about their lives in relative silence and anonymity. I really think it's time for that to change. It is time for those of us to stand up and repeat those words:

Thursday was my last day at work and, as you can imagine, it was a very emotional day for all involved.

I dreaded going into work that day. When I pulled into the parking lot in the pre-dawn darkness it was with the knowledge that this would be the last time I did that. The rest of the day was like that...full of "Lasts".

As is my habit, I arrived a good thirty minutes before time to clock in. I grabbed a cup of coffee and headed into the Smoker's Lounge to relax a bit before getting into the day. Usually, I read in the morning during this time, but on my last day they would not allow it. They actually took my book away and told me since it was my last day, I had to spend my free time talking to the rest of them...geeze.

So finally, at seven o'clock, I punched in and headed to the front of the store. Thus began the most emotional day of work I have ever experienced. All day long, as different shifts came into work through that door, the employees would all stop and either hug my neck or shake my hand. Even the customers got involved. At one point things degenerated into this huge "group hug" consisting of me and seven or eight other workers....AND A COUPLE OF CUSTOMERS! We blocked the entrance and I finally had to break it up and send them on their way.

Like I said, it was a day of "Lasts"...I took my last first-break, my last lunch; Hell, I'm just glad I didn't work the late shift, I would have felt funny had I taken my "Last Supper".

Anyway...sometime around ten in the morning I hear the operator announce over the Store Loud Speaker: "David, please report to Charles, in the Lounge." Charles is the store manager. I wondered, fleetingly, what I had done now...oh well...off I trudged to see if I was in trouble.

When I walked into the Lounge I was shocked to see it full...standing room only, with people crowded around the door. I pushed my way inside and discovered that everyone at work that day, save the few checkers needed to keep the front end working, were in that room. On a table in the center of the room was a huge cake; chocolate, with white icing and it had this giant smiley face on it, except the face had a big frown and written across the top and bottom of the cake:

"WE WILL MISS YOU. GOOD LUCK AT YOUR NEW STORE."

I was in shock, I think and everyone was clapping and cheering when I walked into the room....everything was kind of a blur. Then one of the ladies handed me an envelope with a card inside that had been signed by almost everyone in the store. The best part....inside the card was $200 which the associates had collected as a going away present for me!

You know what makes this really special? This money came from a group of people, not five of which have ever seen 20k a year in their lives. They all, like me, live from paycheck to paycheck....yeah, that money or actually the idea of the sacrifice some made to give it to me, meant the world to me.

Well as you can imagine, the day went to pot after that. I spent a lot of time drying my eyes and choking back a few sobs. This was especially true toward the end of the day when a lot of my friends were going home...the Last time I would bid them "Have a great day".

Finally 3:30 came and it was time for me to leave. I clocked out...for the Last Time. Then, instead of leaving right away, I made my way over to where the store operator worked and I commandeered the store intercom; I had thought of the perfect way to end this day.

You see, each day, before we go to break or lunch or go home we are supposed to "code out". You announce code 15 for a break, code 60 for lunch, and code 24 when you go home for the day.

I grabbed the intercom mike and said: "This is People-Greeter David going Code-Forever. It has been an honor and a privilege to work with you...........ELVIS HAS LEFT THE BUILDING!"

When I handed the mike back to the operator I could hear scattered cheering and laughter all over the store....now that's the way I like to leave: Leave em laughing!

Yup, it was an emotional day alright.
 

Coming home yesterday from my last day at work, I was listening to my favorite "Oldies" station on the car radio and I heard a song that caused me to do some deep thinking about writing....or at least MY writing.

The song was the 1972 hit by Ricky Nelson: A Garden Party. A few of you "younger" readers out there might not know the story behind this particular song which was also written by Mr. Nelson.

The song stems from an unfortunate episode in his life which took place the year before. He had been invited to sing at a concert at Madison Square Gardens. The event showcased famous singers from the 50's and 60's and they all were paraded out to sing their hits from the past.

Now at this particular time Nelson had gone through some changes in his life and he had begun to rebuild his singing career. His music had taken a decidedly divergent path from what he had done in the past and he had even changed his name. He no longer wanted to be known as "Ricky" but rather, he opted for the more grown-up version of that name and answered to "Rick".

Here is a portion of the lyrics to his song: A Garden Party.

Short blog today...I am wiped completely OUT! My poor calendar shows nothing but black to end Sept since I was in Missouri the past four days. I apologize to all those whose blog I normally read and comment to; I was just too dang busy to spend any time at all on the computer and I promise to get back to reading and commenting as soon as possible.

We are in mid-move. Mel will leave in the morning with a load of furniture in a horse trailer we are using for the move. She will return next weekend for another load. Nothing in this world will prove a middle-aged man's age to him quicker than trying to move a three bedroom house full of furniture across two states!

Now that I have whined enough, I need to take care of some business. The polls have closed and voting is over. As you all know, there was two voting places...my blog and Nada's. Well after a careful canvas of all the votes cast we have....

POOL PARTY...a combined vote of 37 votes

BULLFROG PARTY....A combined vote of 38 votes.

Now on the face of things, you would think we had won the election, and that might have been the case if not for some backroom, shady dealings by the Pool Party.

I received emails today from the other candidates on my ballot and all of them, seeing that they had lost, declared their votes for the Pool party.

The Other Candidates combined votes were.....10 votes.

So, as you can see...the Pool Party won the election by NINE VOTES!!!

At this point I have no choice but to declare CCstring , Nada , and Scarlett as the WINNER! They are the new President/unholy trinity of Blogville!

There will of course be an investigation!

So there you have it...another CC/Tor adventure in the books. For those of you who enjoyed the fun and laughs...thanks for reading. Oh and a special thanks to my own campaign manager: Anyea for thinking up this whole caper in the first place.

For those of you who were growing "Tired of the Bullfrog sh*t", well look on the bright side...it's over now.

Thanks for sharing the laughs folks...I had fun.
 

Okay, this is day two of the elections....the poll is open....so my question is....WHERE IS ALL THOSE POOL PARTY DUDES?

I mean, come on folks, before the election all I could hear was how all these masses of bloggers were vowing to vote for the Pool Party. They all wanted to laze around the pool, eat snacks, drink beer, and ogle the Pool Boys.

Now it's election time...the big Crunch is on. This where the rubber meets the road and what have they got so far? They got a measly 7 votes! HA!

Where is all those supporters now? Well it does look like many of them have jumped ship and headed over to vote for the Brain-Damaged Possum.....now that is appropriate isn't it.

So all you guys who was all giving me grief, better get out there and put your vote where you mouth is and cast your vote for CC and his Pool Party.

But...then again...could it be that now that it is time to vote, you have all suddenly discovered the BEST MAN for the job. Yeah, that's the ticket.

Oh and I have noticed the Pool Party has gone totally silent since the numbers have started rolling in....maybe they are hanging out at the pool having a PITY PARTY!!!
 

Ladies and Gentlemen, drum roll please..........TODAY IS THE BIG DAY! Today is the day you each get to practice your God-given right to VOTE!

You have heard the rhetoric, the mud-slinging, the name calling and you have even heard a few actual campaign promises mixed into all that stuff. Now is the time to make up your mind as to who you want as your fearless leader and/or President.

Of course you have the two main choices:

1. Nada, Scarlett, and CC (Better known as Winkum, Blinkum, and STUPID) who are running...not to mention stumbling...for the Pool Party.

2. Me and Dan, running under the banner of The Bull Frog Party. Two courageous, hard working, honest men who only want to do their patriotic duty and serve the greater good of Blogville!

Now to make things a little interesting, there have been a few "Last Minute" candidates who have thrown their hats in the ring and will be seeking your vote as well. Who knows, if one group does not get a majority of the votes THERE COULD BE A RUN-OFF!!!

The voting will stay open until the last day of this month, at which time all votes will be cast. Oh and to forestall the griping of the Pool Party, any and all dirty tricks and/or campaign messages will be accepted right up until that final day when the votes are cast.

So here it is...Vote the American Way...early and often!


[Linked Poll's access is restricted.]

 

I just wanted to make a short entry today, call it an update of sorts. The move is progressing well. We are headed to Missouri thursday and will return home Sunday. We plan on picking up the keys to our new place while we are there, and moving in a few boxes of stuff.

I would also like to take a moment to thank everyone who left a comment to my blog yesterday and also those who sent me personal emails. I would also like to issue an apology to anyone out there whom I made uncomfortable with said entry. I promise to keep the personal angst at a more acceptable level from now on, but if I have learned anything, this past two years, it is that blog content has a way of forcing itself upon the writer.

It was Mel, of course, who suggested that I needed to write about the subject since she could see that it was eating me up inside...she was right...it has helped. The words you readers left helped even more.

Sooooo....tomorrow, I promise, I will post the "Election Poll" and you will all get the opportunity to "elect" your new "President".

As they say in New Orleans: "LET THE GOODTIMES ROLL!"

Thank you.
 

Having just a few moments ago, finally reached CCstring via telephone I can happily announce that he is feeling somewhat better. He is on the boat until Monday . We spoke at length about the goofy Presidential election we have found ourselves embroiled in and we decided that I will post a “Election Poll” on Wednesday to give anyone interested a chance to “vote” for the candidate of their choice.





Did you know that you can explain big business, politics, and political theory all by using the ownership of two cows? Well you can, and here is the proof!


DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you.

SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?

COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk and then pours the mild down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the 2 cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch. Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the mile. They learn to travel on unbelievable crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don’t know where they are. While am blind around, you see a beautiful woman,. You break for lunch.. Live is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka.. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. You produce your 10th, 5-year plan in the last 3 months. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

POLISH CORPORATION: You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

 

Let me preface this entry by saying that...NO, I do not think ALL lawyers are bad. I actually have a few friends who are lawyers, two I went to school with and the three of us gleefully share any new "Lawyer Jokes" whenever we hear them. There are many different types of lawyers, most of which are needed in this world. It is that particular type...the ambulance-chasing, take anything for a case, get the big bucks, style of lawyer that has clogged our court system and scared the bejesus out of everyone that I refer to when I talk of lawyers in here. Besides, bad lawyers are just a portion of the problem; our own sensitivity and our own greed when it comes to the possibility of making easy money is also to blame.


Now, having said all that, I would like to share with you a couple of topics stemming from that Dept. Head meeting which I was unable to touch upon yesterday due to the "Five Things Rule".

1. We employees of Wal-Mart shall no longer be able to openly discuss ANY movie or video sold at Wal-Mart!

"WTF?" was the general reaction to this announcement. Well the reason this silly codicil was included is simple enough...to them. It seems that not so long ago Wal-Mart was sued by an employee for Hostile Work Environment because that person was in the break room during the time when the topic of the day was the "Girls Gone Wild" video. That person took offense to the conversation so a suit was brought against Wal-Mart!


2. The employees of Wal-Mart are hereby forbidden to discuss the inner workings of the toy, Tickle-Me-Elmo!

Again....all together now...."WTF?" "WHY THIS???"

As before..someone sued Wal-Mart.

Here is the story we got:

It seems that a couple of years ago, after the big Christmas rush, things had quietened down somewhat and one night a group of employees....again in the break room.....it's a happening place, what can I say...found a Tickle-Me-Elmo doll which had been returned and was due for the scrap heap. They decided to take it apart and see what made it do what it was famous for.

Now for those of you who are unfamiliar with this particular doll, it is based on the Sesame St. character, Elmo; a bright, red, furry, lovable little creature that the kids just love. When you mash its little belly the thing starts to vibrate all over and lets out gales of giggling and laughter....it really is cute.

Okay, so this group of rocket scientists decide to see what made Elmo shake so much. The cut its belly opened and took out the mechanical works from inside the beast. What they found was this long cylindrical object which, when contact was made, VIBRATED extremely hard.....remind you of anything?

RIGHT! It was decided that Tickle-Me-Elmo should have been named: Tickle-Me-Bob.

Okay....someone took offense to Tickle Me Elmo's inner workings being similar to a...shall we say...marital aid of sorts. Of course they sued and got money so now they are feeling much better, thank you.

There were a few more examples of forbidden words and or subjects that were mentioned, but those were merely silly and did not fall so directly into the realm of the absurd as these I have mentioned.

In each of the cases I have written about, these past two days, we...the employees of Wal-Mart, are expressly forbidden to use said phrases or discuss said subjects, either to customers or to each other anywhere on the store premises...Now isn't that special!

Thus is the world in which we live today....A sad state of affairs, to say the least. At what point did we as a people develop sphincter muscles tightened to such a degree that all humor is squeezed out of the world?

Makes you wonder doesn't it.
 

Those of you who have read this blog any length of time know that one of my all time pet peeves is the extent to which this country and the world is going Politically Correct. I hate that with a passion.

So you can understand my chagrin when I found out today that the big Department manager meeting all our dept. heads had to attend in Houston yesterday was all about "Diversity"...ACK!

All Dept. Heads from all the stores in our district had to attend this all day meeting and today they passed on what they had been told to all us lesser lights in the store.

It seems that Wal-Mart has decided to address the issue of "A Hostile Work Environment."

To this end they laid out their new company guidelines and today, the Dept. Heads shared the rules changes with a bunch of us at lunch time, back in the break room.

1. It is no longer acceptable for any Wal-Mart associate to use the term: "A Blonde Moment" as that would be detrimental to all blonde's.....or it would be when someone explained it to them!

2. We are no longer allowed to say: "A Senior Moment" either. Again..that would insult anyone over the age of 65...or it would if we woke them up and explained THAT to them!

3. There are certain terms we can no longer use to describe another person in the store. Let's say we wanted to direct someone to a specific person, we can no longer say, "He will be the large, black, man behind the counter in the Delhi." The word "Black" is out. as is the word "White", "Red", "Brown", and "Yellow" to describe anyone for any reason. Conceivably all these would offend the person being described.

4. The word: STUPID is also forbidden. When I heard this, I asked if there was any substitute word that could be used instead of Stupid, cause sometimes you just got to call them what they are! The dept. head giving us the talk was not sure if any substitute was acceptable.

"What did you have in mind" He asked me. (bad move on his part!)

"What about: "Not up to Mensa Standards?" I asked.

"NO!"

"What about: "Honorary Driver of the Short-Bus?"

"NO"

"Okay then," I said finally, "what about 'CC'?"

Silence.

Then he said..."I don't know about that. What is a 'CC'?"

I sat back with this smug look on my face...I had found my substitute for "Stupid".

5. All terms such as "Darling", "Honey", "Sweetie", or even "Dear" are now forbidden. WTF! People, this is TEXAS, almost every man and woman in the damn state will use those terms when speaking to complete strangers. It's just the way we talk. I can not tell you how many times a day I get called all those names by women I have never seen before and it bothers me not one bit. But, we can no longer say any of them.

When he told us this, I raised my hand again. The guy rolled his eyes, gave a big sigh, and said: "Oh God, what now?"

"Well all I gotta say," I told him in a loud voice. "Anybody in here calls me 'Sweet Cheeks' from now on is in a world of trouble...I'M TAKING NAMES!"

The room dissolved into raucous laughter and the talk was officially over! The guy knew well enough when he had lost control of the situation.

Now as funny as all this is...trust me, Wal-Mart is dead serious. I have only included five cause that's the law in Blogville, but believe me, there was many, many, more words and phrases included in this silly talk we had to sit through.

And, you want to know what the saddest part of this whole silly melodrama is? Each and every one of these words and phrases have been chosen because someone, somewhere, at one store or another, has sued Wal-Mart over them, siting "Hostile Work Environment" with the average payout going for 30,000 dollars!

THIS is what Lawyers and over sensitive Liberal crybabies has brought this country to. There was a time when, if you called me a name or used a phrase that I didn't particularly like, I would go to YOU and we would settle it between ourselves....one way or another. Those days have been replaced with the "You hurt my feelings now pay me" mentality of a large portion of our population.

It's like I told the young lady sitting next to me: "Call me a stupid old bastard. I will sue and we will split the money."

Just for a moment I could see it in her eyes..."Hey, that could work!" She looked rather disappointed when I explained to her that was something rare...we call it...HUMOR!
 

I put in a full day at work today. It was hard, hectic and really tested my basic good nature just to make it to quiting time without any major charges being filed. Finally, though three o'clock finally came and I was released to seek the refuge of my humble home.

Now folks, I really don't ask a lot out of life. I expect to work a full day for a fair wage and then, after I get off, all I want to do is go home and relax. Is that so much to ask?

Well obviously it must be.

All I want to do when I come home is change into comfortable clothes and set down at my desk, pull up WDC on the computer and check out the Blog page. Not today though. Nope, I get home and I HAVE NO INTERNET!

The damn thing has been acting up for a few days now. It would be fine for an hour or so, then with no warning I would lose the signal. Then it would come back.....I would rush to the computer....it would quickly turn back off. Off-on, off-on! Finally today it went off and didn't come back on.

Now at this point I have to admit something....I am not a handy guy. No, I have been banned from any electrical home repair by our local fire department and the one time I tried to build a dog house we had to dig the poor dog out from under the rubble when the thing collapsed on top of him.

Mel has threatened to break major bones if I ever again try to do any home repair. All because I tried to fix the toilet. I have no idea what went wrong, but after I "fixed" it, every time you flushed, the doorbell would ring...go figure!

Okay, now the stage is set...I am not handy and when I get home I have no Internet. I know, I know; a recipe for disaster wasn't it.

Well I wasn't going to try and fix the thing. I called Mel and she yelled at me: "Do not touch the dang Modem box you big DUMMY!"

You know me...I always listen to my sweetie. I hung up the phone, stood there staring at the offending computer and just kept getting madder and madder. Finally I couldn't stand it....HEY, I'M A MAN, WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ABLE TO FIX STUFF!

SCREW IT!

I attacked the problem!

I also decided to use the KISS method of diagnosis to discover just what the problem was. The KISS method simply means...Keep It Simple Stupid!

So I thought about how the thing had been cutting in and out and I decided that it must be a loose connection somewhere.

That's when the trouble started. Do any of you know how many miles of loose wire there is behind your run-of-the-mill combination computer-scanner-printer-desk fan-small stereo? throw in the monitor and speakers for computer and you have roughly 23 miles of wire of varying diameter. Of course all these are plugged into one power bar plus the phone jack. Oh...and of course all these miles of wire are BEHIND A DESK THAT WEIGHS ABOUT FIVE THOUSAND POUNDS!!

Said desk, due to excessive weight, has not been moved in about three years now and all those wires are shoved down in a space about six inches wide between the wall and the back of the desk.

Easy....all I had to do was move the desk and start tracing all the wires and checking the connections.

I grabbed the edge of my desk and heaved upward with all my manly strength. Massive biceps bulged, shoulders strained.....desk moved two inches upward and MY MAN PARTS BOUNCED WHEN THEY HIT THE FLOOR!

They were followed in quick order, by the rest of me. I lay curled into a ball next to my office chair. From time to time one of the dogs would wander over and give my face a tentative lick, no doubt wondering what the chances were of me getting off the floor to get them a doggy treat.

Funny thing happened as I lay there in intense pain....I could see under the desk and I could all those miles of wire laying back there, covered in three years of dust and cat hair!

Taking a quick inventory, I discovered that I still had use of my hands and arms so I reached out, grabbed a handful of wire, and began separating them and checking them out. Then, when I finished with those, I used my elbows to drag my body closer to the wall and reach more wires...then I repeated the process.

About an hour later I had finally recovered sufficiently enough to get off the floor and I had also checked all the wires and the connections and had unplugged and then replugged them into their sockets.

I staggered to my feet covered with about six inches of rug dirt, cat hair, both moistened by concerned doggy licks. I looked like Pigpen from the Peanuts cartoon.

I reached out and flipped on the computer and.....BAM! I HAD INTERNET CONNECTION! I WAS BACK IN BUSINESS!!

So there you have it. It was a moving story and an inspiring moment. I made a painful and heroic effort to overcome my technical shortcomings and this time....MAN was victorious over MACHINE!!!

I think this has earned me the reinstatement of my Handy Man's Union Card. In fact, there is this pesky ceiling fan in the bed room which I just might try re-wiring before Mel gets home from work...Boy, is she gonna be surprised!!!!
 

As most of you know by now (cause you've all read Nada's blog) Nada's Hubby is having some rather serious medical issues and so our dear Nada has really not felt up to continuing our political silliness today.

After reading her blog, I have decided to fore go the bashing she and her "running-mates" have so richly earned. Instead I would like to make this entry a sort of homage to the reigning shoe-queen of Southern California.

Now I am sure that all of you would agree, Nada is a woman of many talents. A venerable Renaissance Woman, if you will. What you may not know is that Nada and I are old friends. We have known each other for many, many, years. So, today I would like to talk just a bit about that personal history I have with her and some of the experiences she has shared with me over the years.

I first met Nada, some years ago when she was still involved in her "Guide" gig. She had just hired out to guide some guy named Moses, and his tribes to some place called "The Promised Land". It seems that Moses made our Nada's acquaintance as he and his people were leaving Egypt; she happened to have a booth set up on the side of the road selling copies of "The Map to the Promised Land" to local travelers.

She convinced Moses to let her guide them instead of merely selling them a map. Her payment for these services was that she was to be granted sole rights to a chain of Sandal shops in the Promised Land which she was going to call "SandalsR us".

As for myself, well I just happened to be selling boat rides across the Red Sea at the time. As you can imagine, Moses didn't want to pay my price and he ended up getting "outside" help with the crossing. I made out okay though. I ended up making a killing selling life preserver's to members of the Pharaoh's army!


We kind of lost touch after that. In fact EVERYONE lost touch with Nada for about forty years...something about getting lost in the wilderness. I think it was after this that Nada finally was convinced to give up trying to be a guide.

The next time our paths happened to cross, I met up with her in Paris. She had just landed a plush job as a speech writer for Marie Antoinette! Her most famous line she penned for the Queen to use in a speech was: "Let them eat cake!"

Well you all know how that worked out. Nada was one of my first customers in my own business venture of the time; I was selling peasant clothing to Royals looking to relocate to a more friendly climate. She almost got caught when she insisted on wearing her designer shoes with her matching "poor French Peasant" pants and shirt.


Again we lost touch. Oh I would hear word of her exploits from time to time. Trying to sell Gucci picks and shovels to gold miners in the Great Gold Rush of 1849, being an Usher at Ford's Theatre and showing this out-of-work actor to the President's box...seems the guy told her he wanted an autograph. As you can see, Nada was always in the center of the action throughout history.

There are other stories, but this grows long. Let me just say I was shocked and surprised to find her once again...here on WDC. Now she is embroiled in a hot and heavy quasi-ridiculous run for the White House against me, of all people.

Gee, I wonder if this is going to end up like all our other misadventures?

Time will tell.
 

Pardon me while I don my brand new Hazmat suit and breathing apparatus. I do this for two very good reasons. First of all, today I shall be rebutting that laughable manifesto which was put forth a few days ago by that belligerent Brit, Scarlett as a spokesperson for that goofy POOL PARTY....you know, the one where it takes three of them to run for one office.

Of course the second reason I wear the suit is because I sometimes need protection from the really STINKY blog entries I subject you people too.

Okay, now without further ado, I would like to wheel out the bloated, whale corpse smelling, talking points dear Ms. Scarlett threw at you and I will try to answer them one at a time....

1. . On election we will immediately declare world peace, remove all armed forces, weapons of destruction and reasons for conflict from the planet. We will POOL world resources and riches and share them out globally. Sunshine will be allocated fairly throughout the world. You will see an end to crime and destruction as people learn that life is indeed just a beach pool.

My answer: If you look behind those honeyed words, this is what she is really saying: "We will take over the world, then WE will decide who gets what and how much they get. Not only will we rule the world but we will also take over the SUN and if you don't go along, well, you just better be ready to NOT ever be able to get a tan! " What they are talking about is WORLD DOMINATION FOLKS!!


2. Luxurious pools will be built in all countries, in cities, towns and villages. There will be a pool on every street and everyone (except frogs) will be welcome to spend their days relaxing, sunning, swimming or taking part in our extensive entertainment programme. There will be bars and restaurants of all kinds run by hunky waiters and beautiful waitresses. Steel bands, dancing, pool activities, cheese sammiches, cocktail parties and blogging evenings will always be available to the residents.

My answer: Now look closely here folks, on the surface all looks wonderful with this picture, but I got a question....WHO'S GONNA PAY FOR ALL THE PARTYING? I'll tell you who...they plan on using frogs as slave labor that's what! Oh, and what are all those millions of pools going to do to the earth's water table? Vast regions are going to be turned into deserts to satisfy their gluttonous need for water in their pools. Of course, while this may be acceptable when we are talking about New York and Los Angeles...what about the rest of the world?

3.We care about our people and will ensure children are given the best start in life to develop fair and honest characters – unlike some who just squirt spawn anywhere, then bugger off. Education will be free and given around the pool by our expert teachers. Subjects taught will include swimming, blog writing, cocktail mixing, music and frog dissection. All members of the pool party will work towards keeping our pools clean and running smoothly in return for food, drink, swimsuits, sunscreen and loungers. What more would anyone need? The elderly and infirm will be treated with utmost respect. Each pool neighbourhood will be responsible for fair play and care in the community. All are equal and no one will be mistreated. (except frogs)

My Answer: This is just another ill-disguised attempt at world domination folks...they want to get ahold of our kids and "educate" with their own special teachers. They want the children to grow up as lazy, drunkards who, can at times write a blog. That way they will be easy to control.


4.We are also very conscious of animal welfare and will do all we can to ensure all varieties, (except frogs) on whatever continent will be safe from harm. Ducks will be declared a protected species as they are essential in reducing the amount of frogspawn which they have a habit of swallowing whilst dabbling in water.

My Answer: Here is the most telling of all their proposed plans. They want to discriminate against FROGS! They intend on making frogs second class citizens and they are willing to use the DUCK as their own personal Storm Troopers. Oh the Horror of it all! Where the hell is Al Sharpton when you need him to stand up for your rights?


5.However, anything green and warty or black and wriggly will be exterminated from our pools. No chlorine, bleach or other harmful products will be used in cleaning our pools – our scientists have already invented hygienic, safe materials which are green and friendly. (unlike frogs) We care about the environment so with that in mind we will attempt to reduce the number of useless creepy crawlies on the planet. Mozzies and flies will be our main targets as these are harmful to pool parties and provide fodder for frogs. Any frogs found alive will be transported to France where they will be encouraged to drink French wine and get legless.

My Answer: Now how terrible is that, I ask you folks. They want to do away with the frog's food supply then they want to ship us off in little bitty cattle cars via railroad and ship, to huge concentration camps in France where all Frogs will go toward feeding the French!

Now I ask you, my friends, is this the kind of world you want to live in? Do you want to live a live of decadent leisure around a pool while being supported by the sweat of Frog slave laborers and little tiny trains ship the poor hapless frogs to ports to be sent to France to meet their fate?

Do you really want to be a part of this "Final Frog Solution"? Can you really vote for a group who would set a bunch of savage Duck Storm Troopers loose on innocent tadpoles?

I THINK NOT! No, you must vote your conscience and send these blood-thirsty Pool Party Perverts back to the rock they climbed out from under! Remember, if you don't stand up for the Frogs, who will be left when they decide to come for you?








 

As most of you know by now old Humberto proved to be something of a wus, though it did scare the bejesus out of a lot of people. This storm went from a collection of thunderheads, to a tropical depression, to a tropical storm and finally, to a full-blown Hurricane all in the space of 12 hours or so. This was the fastest forming hurricane that has ever been recorded and absolutely nobody had any idea what the thing was going to do or where it would end up going.

Fortunately for me, the storm slid to the South and East of my location. Beaumont, which is about 75 or 80 miles from me, got hammered. Liberty, which lays about 40 miles to my southeast also got hit hard....I think I got maybe two rain showers. Yeah, I was lucky.

I want to deviate from the Presidential campaign today and write something a little different.

I have said before that I am a lover of history in general, and Civil War history in particular. The thing is, when I discuss the war with others, many times I am greeted by this glazed look in their eyes and a general lack of interest. Most people are unable to connect with that great struggle in history and that is understandable....it happened so long ago and no one living today has ever had the first hand experience of the horror of battle both sides lived through.

Battle during the time of the civil war was much different than what we know as war today. This was a time of massed armies standing and maneuvering in open ground while trading massed rifle and cannon fire from their opponent. This was the most brutal form of warfare you can imagine. As someone who has lived through battle on the modern battlefield, I can tell you that I can not fathom the courage it took on both sides, to stand and fight without running for cover; this is what interests me the most about this particular time in history...how did they get men to do what they did? I am not entirely convinced that I could have done what my Great Grandfather did.

I would like to try something now and I don't know if I am a good enough writer to pull it off. I would like to physically place you in one of those battles in the hopes that you can understand fully the courage it took to wage this war...no matter what side you were on.

Well this just sucks! When I went to work this morning everything was fine. Sure, it looked like rain may fall later in the day, but no big deal.

Geeze, in the eight hours I was at work, this dang storm brewed up in the Gulf, then quickly turned into a Tropical Storm within hours...thank you warm Gulf waters!

So now the stupid storm is barreling it's way directly toward the Houston, Galveston area and of course, right toward me! We were told to expect anywhere from 10 to 15 inches of rain tonight and tomorrow!!

Well I WAS going to do a rebuttal to all that spewage Scarlett spewed in her blog today, but now I have to consentrate more on making sure all the animals are safe and sound from the coming storm.

Does anyone know where I can buy raincoats for goats?

This could prove to be a loooong night!
 

I had thought to do a serious blog today on the subject of 9/11 but thankfully I read both Carolina Blue and PlannerDan 's blogs before I did my own. I have decided that they have done more with the subject and stated the case more concisely than I ever could.

So, that being said, I have decided to go ahead and carry on with my silly Run for the President blog. What the hell, maybe a few of you could use a good laugh and God knows, I am ALWAYS good for a laugh...just ask my mirror!

I would like to draw your attention to the nifty, new campaign button which was made for me by Anyea in my blog intro. I think I have it fixed so that if any of you would like to use it, you may. It's kinda fun passing out buttons!
 

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We interrupt this election fiasco to bring you a sports bulletin.....The Candidate for the Pool Party was unwise enough to send me a challenge this week...."YOU SUCK AND I CAN PICK FOOTBALL WINNERS BETTER THAN YOU CAN!"

That was a direct quote from CCstring to yours truly. So of course, I had to defend my honor and take him up on the challenge.

The net result is...after the first week of football season...the score is....

CCstring ....6 out of 14 (less than 50% by the way)

Tor ....12 out of 14....DA WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION!!!

Just one more clear example of the superiority of the Bull Frog Party over the CessPool Party.

HEY CC....GO GET YOU SOME POM-POMS CAUSE YOU PICK LIKE A GIRL!!!!



We now return you to the political race........
 

Today I wanted to give you a look at one plank in my political platform upon which I plan on implimenting once in the White House.

This plank is simple...it's HUMOR! If elected President, I promise to make everyone laugh, at least once a week and smile on a daily basis. So in the spirit of this first Plank, I thought I would try to give you a few smiles and maybe a laugh or two today...no, I don't have a picture of CCstring , but I do have a few jokes I would like to share with you all...have a great weekend!

I would like to take this opportunity to thank "Anonymous" for the neat costumicon. It is kind of nice to be able to sport a picture of the Alamo for a little while.

I would like to break from the campaign trail and all the fun and tongue-in-cheek humor in this entry.

As some of you may know from reading my blog, we have been in the midst of making a life-changing decision: Whether or not to leave Texas and relocate in Missouri.

Today I made it official....I went online, at work, and made an official request for a transfer to the store in Poplar Bluff...about a thirty minute drive from where we will be living.

Up until today, when I hit "Submit" on the computer screen, this whole moving idea had been merely conjecture, discussion, weighing pros and cons.....talking. Well today the talking ended.

The decision has been made now...I made it. So now, God willing and the creek don't rise, by the end of October we shall be living in Doniphan.

I waited today until about a half hour before quitting time before I made the move. I walked into the Personnel office and directly up to the desks of the two ladies in charge of that office.

"I need one of you to walk me through the new Transfer Policies." My voice was low and serious...no kidding around like I usually do.

Both ladies looked like I had just slapped them. They sit at their desks with their mouths hanging open in a bit of shock, I guess. Finally one found her voice.

"Uh...you're kidding us, right?"

"No ma'am," I replied solemnly. "I need to transfer to the Poplar Bluff store and I need it done within the next 60 days."

I had to repeat that twice before they finally decided that I was not kidding them and then they helped me get to the correct screen and showed me how to make the request. While I was busy on the computer, making my request, I noticed that they both left the office but I thought nothing of it.

Well it took me about fifteen minutes to get the stuff recorded and sent to the proper home office geek. I sit back in my chair after hitting "submit" and I let out a sigh....it was done!

I signed out of the computer, got up and left the office which was empty except for me. I walked around the corner and into the break room to grab a cup of coffee and when I got in there I was instantly besieged by a bunch of my fellow workers wanting to know if it was true...was I really leaving the store?

Dang, now I now where the ladies went when they left the office....off to spread the word. And spread it they did. By the time I clocked out and began my walk to the front door, I got stopped by a half dozen people who had already heard the news. A couple were almost in tears. Hell, by the time I got to my car, I WAS ALMOST IN TEARS!

But it's done. And you know, it's funny but now the pressure is off. Now I can stop worrying about it and just do it. Now the great adventure can begin, I can start making plans for new experiences in a new place. October will find me in a position I have never been in before.....able to have a brand new state to explore. I think me and Mel are going to have some fun....don't you.
 

I would like to take a moment to say a heart-felt "Thank you" to Special Kay for putting on the short story contest: "Invalid Item"  in which my little short story: "Invalid Item"  took second place. Running a contest and judging all the entries is hard work and this lady did an excellent job....I look forward to more such contests from her.


Things have been quiet this holiday weekend on the campaign front. As the sole candidate of the brand new Bullfrog Party, I was invited to the commemoration of a brand new statue in honor of Jimmy Hoffa. I was looking forward to the trip and the photo-ops it would afford me...sorta a chance to get my face out there for the voters to see and try to get a few sound-bites in for the National coverage.

Alas, the thing had to be called off. They could not decide upon the place for the statue. Someone suggested it be cut into many pieces and placed in different landfills around New Jersey, but that idea, though probably more true to history, was voted down.

Good news though, I do plan on having a spirited debate with Hillary Clinton whenever she makes a stop in Houston. Well, to be truthful, it won't really be a debate in the strictest sense of the word, more like I plan on standing on a street corner and when she climbs out of her limo, I will scream: "YOU SUCK!"

You have to understand, I'm working on a limited budget here. I found out yesterday that the fund raiser who ran off with my Social Secretary did NOT make a deposit first. This means I am going to have to start all over raising money for my campaign.

In lieu of actual dollars, I am planning on running my campaign on GP's. Of course this means I am going to be asking for donations from all you readers. Don't worry, I have it on good authority that the GP's you donate will be tax deductible.....as soon as the StoryMaster gets around to TAXING the membership that is.

I even came up with a new slogan to put on posters asking for GPs....