Saint Paddy's Day!

So while everyone waits for the first hint of Spring reflect well on the blessings of the tiny worm once called Herman. Be happy - be lucky - stay true to yourself!

 

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The first thing you will see is the lack of window displays. Highly unusual in today's retail market place. Then you notice that the logo and neon sign are done in the most intense black and aqua. Eye catching you think. Open the door and wipe off your feet on the mat that reads:

Wondering? Step Inside!

No bells tinkle to announce you, no irritating buzzer noise. The carpeting under foot is thick, plush and is again deepest black with symmetrical sprinklings of the logo. You have just entered 'WONDERMENTS, Inc.'.

Why do so many people have a fear of clowns?

Are dogs’ mouths really cleaner than humans’?

How did they figure that there are seven dog years to one human year?

The store's manager greets you quietly and asks if it's your first visit. She hands you a brochure that explains the store's layout, what kinds of products you will find and then she tells you to enjoy yourself.

The first display you come to is a glass case with a miniature set designed from Games-R-Us. The tiny set is dark, but when you press the big silver button, a tiny spotlight shines down on a Game Show.


Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.


Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.


Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.


Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.


Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.


Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.


Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.


Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.


Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you' ll never forget.


Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.


Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.


Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.


Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.


Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.


Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?


Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.


Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.


Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.


Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.


Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?


Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.


Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.



Those were from old episodes of Hollywood Squares, a Game show and the comic's answers were supposedly spontaneous. My laughter was when I read them I'll tell ya that! Thanks for visiting the store - please come back again folks.

...beggers would ride.

Ever heard of that expression? I heard it when I was very young and asked what did it mean. I was told that people always wish for stuff.

"I wish I were wealthy."

"I wish I were young again."

"I wish you would go away."

"I wish I never had to work again."

Since I am just recovering from six days back to back of working, and have no actual blog topic, I made the graphic and am going for it. Lucky peop's!

If you had one wish and it would come true, what would you wish for? The rules are as follow:

1. You can't wish for more wishes - duh.
2. You can't give your wish away.
3. The wish must be used within twenty-four hours of it being granted
4. You can't use the wish to benefit only yourself.
5. You cannot use your wish to harm anyone or anything on the planet.

tick tock tick tock

Clock's ticking! What would you wish for?

Me? I am going to take a nap. I'm still exhausted!

 

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You know how Voxxylady has like three long tablets of intensely organized stuff she keeps? Wow, first of all - wow. That is impressive. Now, you know how Scarlett is a neat freak? Zambozalloopa double triple WOW!

If you give me a tablet of paper and expect me to write down important stuff to do, to remember, to achieve this is what you will get from me.


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Yup I am a doodler. I am infamous for doodling! For example one fine day whilst attending a fair University of Some Kind of Learning I was supposed to be taking notes. Now the class was Theatre and my Professor was giving us a slide show (big mistake number one). The slides were all about Greek Tragedy. This was a huge lecture hall holding over 250 peop's. The Professor turned off the lights so everyone could see the slides. (big mistake number two).

I had opened my notebook, pen poised to take all sorts of remembering stuff when he doused the lights. I closed my notebook, turned it over and began doodling. Oh I was on a roll. Now, my Professor had restless feet and those lil devils started him walking up and down the long staircases while he lectured. It's coming. I had my head down and was concentrating on not falling asleep and filling in a particular design that was actually kinda cool.

B*A*M - my notebook disappeared off my desk top. I looked up in the face of this Prof and in a quiet voice, as he perused my artful doodles, he said, "If you can tell me what I just said, I will return this to you to continue drawing on."

heehee

Now, if he had said I had to tell him what he had said five minutes INTO the lecture I would have lost one perfectly fine notebook. He didn't specify. I quoted his last three sentences almost word for word. Yup - got my notebook back! Of course I promptly blew it by grinning. Did you know they can make you stay after school at a UNIVERSITY? Darn. The ONLY thing that saved me was that my grade was a low 'A'. Whew.

I think a blank piece of paper a fine thing - really I do. Its just that its blank! Boring blank and that requires some real effort to make it not pristine boring anymore. I doodle. I design wacky things and color them in and let me tell I am NO artist. My designs are just randomness all over the place.

If someone put a blank tablet in front of you right this minute, plus a pen with whatever your favorite color ink is, what would you do? Write words, lists or other sundry items? Would you sketch your plans for the upcoming garden? Sketch your favorite candy bar? What would you do? Perhaps, maybe you would leave it blank.

In Life, I think we get a blank tablet of pristine paper to begin our lives with. What we put on that tablet marks our very own history. We tell our story on that tablet. Sometimes the pages fill up so fast we have to use both the front and back of each sheet. Other times there will be blank spots with nothing on it.

Myself I like a well doodled pad thank you very much. I also require multi-colored pens and crayons, finger paints and colored pencils to fill my tablet up. Whatever you do, have a grand time with your personal tablet.

I have heard that some people don't like the over use of Emoticons in blog entries, emails etc. Well I am here to warn everyone about a little known fact. If an Emoticon doesn't get used - it is discarded!

That's right. There are many Emoticons who once had productive lives that are no more. They have been sent to a recycling plant. Don't ask what they make out of unused Emoticons - it fairly makes me shudder.

We have the popular Emoticons around, Mr. Smiley Face; Mr. G-r-r-r-ie, etc, but how many of you have seen this guy?

Thought so! No one remembers him anymore do they? Statisticians did their homework and found that a grey colored Emoticon just didn't work with people. No one wanted to be associated with the use of this poor dude. Some scientists theorize that no one knew when to use this Emoticon. Was it to be used when ill and tired? If you were sick of some situation, did you use this one? Confusion about usage plus the ukkie color lead to this guy's demise. I found his picture tucked away at the back of EMOTICON DAILY NEWS.

Don't know how many of you have read this tabloid but I found dozens of interesting articles written about Emoticons, their history, their proper and improper usage plus cartoons poking fun at humans. It is written by a group of disgruntled overused, overworked Emoticons. You think Mr. Smiley likes to be plastered all over? He was interviewed last year and told his public that it's the humans incapacity to incorporate smiling words in their writing - well he also was bucking for a bigger cut of the profit margin, but you know those celebrity types.

Next time you go to slap an Emoticon into your writing just remember, for a brief second at least, all those forgotten Emoticons who are no longer with us. Let us bow our heads for a moment's reflection.

Now, don't you feel better?

 

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I admit it. I am a Forgetfullner. I am one of the original Forgetfullner's from way back when they came over on, um, some ship - I forget - in the year, um, well nevermind that. I am of hearty stock!

Being one of these family members, I have my own secret methods to remembering! Yup - I write down on a slip of paper what I need to remember then I put it:

IN A SAFE PLACE

Anyone see the problem yet? 'k, let's move on now. The other day, or maybe a week or two or three ago, a friend who used to work with me invited me to her son's Bar mitzvah. I wasn't sure about going as (a) I'm not Jewish (b) I don't own one of those skull caps and (c) she wouldn't tell me what gift I should get - throw a (d) in there cuz she also wouldn't tell me who was catering this thing. Nor would she tell me if chocolate would be featured in some way.

I put the plan on the back burner of my brain, wrote down all the specifics of the event, time, place, date and promptly told myself to:

PUT IT IN A SAFE PLACE

Which I imagine I did. Now, I can't find the paper at all. This always happens and while it doesn't surprise me it does leave me wondering if there isn't some flaw in my plan to remember stuff.

So, I asked my roomie, "Hey you see a piece of paper somewhere with X's name on it plus other stuff?" She looked at me with the saddest eyes and said, "Tell me you didn't put it in a SAFE PLACE!" She knows me.

I then asked her, "Where was my last safe place I used?" She just shook her head and walked away. I bugged her about that and she finally told me, "We can't figure out where any of your SAFE PLACES are!"

Now some of you may be disconcerted by this. It has its down side sure, but think of the UP side to this! When I find my SAFE PLACE or even PLACES, think what goodies I will find there! Myself, I don't know cuz I don't remember now what I put in my SAFE PLACE but I sure hope that extra set of car keys to my roomies car is in one of them. That or I hope she never asks for them back.

Today is Friday and I don't want you to forget - have a great weekend. Don't go putting that in any SAFE PLACE!

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"We want a story!"

"Yeah we do - we want a story."

"Tell us a story pl-l-l-e-e-a-a-s-s-e-e..."

"Shuddup all of you. Oh, and quit following me!"


Isn't it strange how certain animals just cannot get along? Not in a predator vs meal type of not getting along either. On the other hand - isn't it strange how certain different species of animals do get along? Like -

Men and Women.

or

Snakes and Vultures

or

Gerbils and Parrots

You get my drift. There seems to be nothing certain species have in common, or not much anyway, yet they persist in either (A) getting along like PB&J or (B) not getting along like programmers and accountants. Who said that infamous line? Oh, you know the one!

Now that we are in complete agreement on something let's look at the differences between Men and Women. Not the usual physical ones either. Not the mind set nor the missing shopping DNA strand or the primate chest pounding that women do - wha? OH that men do..right, I always get that sdrawkcab.

Ready? Good - here's the story.


"You want a story then? Here is the story. Perhaps you will learn something from it.

There was once a man who was being chased by a ferocious tiger across a field. At the edge of the field there was a cliff. In order to escape the jaws of the tiger, the man caught hold of a vine and swung himself over the edge of the cliff. Dangling down, he saw, to his dismay, there were more tigers on the ground below him! And, furthermore, two little mice were gnawing on the vine to which he clung. He knew that at any moment he would fall to certain death. That's when he noticed a wild strawberry growing on the cliff wall. Clutching the vine with one hand, he plucked the strawberry with the other and put it in his mouth.

He never before realized how sweet a strawberry could taste."

In everyone's Life there should be strawberries. Pick one. Eat it. Enjoy it. Hang on.

P.S. Sorry Sweets - just couldn't resist this. It was just so - so YOU!
 

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Remember I told you all about those killer roaches that come up from the sewers and attack unwary humans? Remember? Yeah, the ones that wait until you are 3/4 asleep then pounce on you as you go to take your morning shower! Those are the ones.

I had a plan to keep them down where they belonged. I closed the drain - when I remembered but soon I forgot to remember. So-o-o-o I put my Duckie in the tub to guard that drain. He sat there and stayed when I told him to.

"Sit! Stay! Don't move now!"

Obedient Duckie he was. >sigh< Yes 'was', but he must have gotten bored on guard duty and went over to play with Mr. Bubble Head or something because this morning -

ATTACK OF THE KILLER ROACH

I hate when this happens. They are so ugly! Where was my Duckie while the battle for supremacy raged? Oh, he was laying on his side, playing dead. I didn't buy it for one tiny millisecond and when the battle was over, soldiers accounted for and wounds healed, I put that Duckie in JAIL! Yes that's right - Private Duckie has been COURT MARSHALLED. The jailer is to give him nothing but bread - no water - that's his fav you see - water, so NOPE, no water for Duckie.

Stoopid roaches. Bad Duckie. New bruised shin. Ow.

Now normally when I take a bath, Duckie and I are a team. He beats up any and all errant bubbles that happen to pounce when they are supposed to just lay there with all the other bubbles. He can take out any submarine I aim him at. Forget about mean washclothes too! He takes em down. The only thing he has not been able to defeat, up till now anyway, has been Lil Ms. Deevil Duckie. She has him stumped. He jumps on her, she throws him off. He dives under her, she floats serenely away from his attack. WELL - let's see how Duckie likes his new jail cell (under my sink). I have closed the drain and put Ms. Deevil Duckie on top to make sure those killer roaches don't crawl up and out ever again. Until the next time I forget to close the drain. >sigh<

Hope all your battles are well fought today, planned for and attack them with gusto. Enjoy the Life you got cuz you can't have mine!

In a still empty station a manager and executive producer wait for the next applicant to make her appearance. The interviews are tough and the choices slim.

A female walks into the booth, boots singing out a beat of their own. The interview begins....

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"Please tell us your name."

"Mah nam is Faye Kinnit an' mah mother's nam is Doo Kinnit."

"Kaye you understand this position as DJ would entail the playing of music. What would you like to have on your musical list?"

"Me favorite music is by clique av boys from oyt west, called de boyz."

"What music would you play on air?"

"We wud be live correct? So oi wud choose waaat de listeners want ter 'ear."

"Our listeners happen to love Country music. How do you feel about that?"

"Oi wouldn't listen ter it if yer forced me ter!"

"How about introducing one of your favorite songs for us now?"

" 'Touch Me Body' a CD single by artist Mariah Carey. We nu from de title waaat Mariah wants us ter chucker."

"We'll be in touch, uh, calling you later Miss Kinnit. Thank you. Next please!"



So we have more questions which need answering to find those perfect DJ's. We have a Whether Grill and the dude doing the electronic stuff but we have to have some perfect DJ's. The following are a list of actual song titles. After reading them, all applicants will pick one that appeals to them the most, and write the first stanza of the song (no peeking on the WWW either now!) We want to see if you can baffle and amaze our Executive Producer!

I Thought She Was Out Jogging,
But She Was Running Around On Me

If the Phone Don’t Ring, It’s Me Not Calling You Up

If Love were Oil, I’d be a Quart Low

At the Gas Station of Love, I Got the Self-Service Pump

and last but not least...

I’m The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised

Let's see how our interested applicants do with this round hm? Have a great weekend all - I'll be hanging out at my favorite waterin' hole - IKEA...

 

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Every new job position starts with an interview. The following was just the first interview in our long line of interviews for the position of DJ on WDUM Radio in beautiful downtown Toad Suck, Arkansas.

The search is on to find a DJ or DJ's (PC: DJette?) for our new Radio Station. If interested please answer the following questions:

1. Your name - not too difficult right?
2. Your prior experience on a Radio Station
3. Why you would be a good fit for DJ on WDUM Radio
4. What will your musical programming include?
5. Ever milked a chicken?

Have to keep our list to FIVE - its a law here. So apply today. WDUM RADIO - the station that has (f)ART.

 

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YO Ho Ho and here I am again. Yeah I was MIB [missing in Blogsville] but it's a boring story so let's just skip to the good part - I HAD A THUNK while I was away.

I am blaming Nada for this condition!

She stated there wasn't enough FUN in Blogsville lately and while I was in enforced non-Webness, I did what any Anyea would do. I started THUNKING. First off, I knew my last entry was out there - leaving that sad note for any to see. I didn't like that I had to leave my blog in that condition either. So, I thunk and I thunked some more. What is that I hear? What did I come up with out of my thunkedness?

Yup - I got an idea. A RADIO STATION with MUSIC and DJ'S and EVERYTHING!...well sorta kinda maybe working on the whole thingie now.

Anyea will humbly [ahem] and gratefully accept all and any suggestions, input and voice-overs. Chocolate will be gleefully accepted. Stoopid customers won't give me theirs - brats. Whatcha think? Like it? Love it? Dubious nah sayers step to the rear of the auditorium if you will. Watch out for that cliff edg...opps...

I also see that an OLDTIMER showed his face again. Welcome back ParteeOfSix...huh? He is still holding at FIVE? Oh man, six months and he should have GROWN...hmmm...well welcome back dude!

To all of you out there - smile darn it! It's just the beginning of a new adventure in wackiness, silliness and FUN FUN FUN - OH OH and I got a rubber band machine gun to play with! nevermind...you have to be here to REALLY enjoy that one! heeheeheehee....

 

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Before anyone says anything - yes I am emotional. I am teeter-tottering between my emotions and my intellect all the time and at 'certain' times of the month [ahem] it only gets worse. This is one of those times so if you don't want to be sucked under - well the door is behind you!

Today, words kept flinging themselves through my brain. Let me explain that when I say this I mean it's as if I have a big motion picture screen in my mind and someone is having a slide show. I see words. Today's word was -

ACUITY

Looked it up to find it's etymology and discovered:

from the French => acuité < ML acuitas < L acus, needle

The word, in English is a noun and means acuteness; keenness, as of thought or vision. You know how sometimes you all have a flash of an idea? Sometimes a thought will burst into your brain and you get one of those "light bulb" moments? Acuity.

So what you ask? Why would you think about that word? I guess it's because I'm severely lacking this component lately. I haven't had any acuity for so long that myself wanted to remind me that it still exists - somewhere, for others maybe - it is still around.

"AhHA!", you will exclaim. "What about your artwork? What about that?"

Hm. To be honest, my artwork is secondary to my intellect. It's like, um, you are watching the news on television but thinking of something different. Part of you is engaged in the screen but your mind is skittering around like a frantic mouse trying to solve a maze. Thus it is with my Photo Shop works. I am learning Photo Shop because I just can't get back into programming right now. Programming is boring but I love computers so much that I have to do something logical.

"ah HA HA HA!!" I heard that. You claim that my artwork is emotionally based, not intellectual? Here's where I will lose some of those who haven't made use of that Exit Door yet. I can detach myself emotionally when working in Photo Shop. I pull back and see what I'm currently working on in a non-emotional, objective manner. Which I suppose is weird. Art is supposed to be about emotions right? Hm.

Well that's my blog for today. I have to go to work now and shut down any attempts at thinking. Trust me, thinking and this job - not a good mix.

Have a great day all and remember - the next time that light bulb goes off - pay attention to what it shines on.