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Item Size: 76 Entries
Created: 11:09am on 04-07-2008
Modified: 2:54pm on 04-21-2010 | |
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This is my blog - I liked the clever title - since my Judaism is a very important part of my life, and though I have changed how I practice it over the years, my belief in God is a major facet of my life. This blog is just about me - and the ways that I feel - they are not necessarily religious in nature - I would love it if you would peruse my blog. 
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| 6. Entry # 6 | ID #578575 |
Posted: 4-9-2008 @ 10:15 pm EDT
Edited: 4-9-2008 @ 10:23 pm EDT |
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I am so excited ! 
I just got an awardicon for my poem
I am getting acknowledgement and accolades for the work that I am doing. I have waited my whole life for this - I am 47 years old - and I never won anything - and that always made me feel like xxxx. I was never like my family and friends - and that always made my mother ashamed of me. I know it was not her fault. I think she was deflecting her own insecurities on to me. Plus which, she raised me as her adopted daughter, when she was at a point in her life that she should have been doing other things. My father on the other hand, loved playing with children - so to him, having a child in the house after he had retired from his catering business was a novelty.
I think that these emotions can be reflected in my most recent piece.
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I now feel like I can do what I need to do to get my life in order if only I pursue my dreams - and believe in myself - I am grateful to my family and friends and to this site for believing in me.
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| 5. Entry # 5 | ID #578515 |
Posted: 4-9-2008 @ 4:35 pm EDT
Edited: 4-9-2008 @ 4:36 pm EDT |
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Today was a really good day, so far. As of now, I am getting discharged on Monday. I am really psyched about that. Worse comes to worse, I will go on Tuesday. I am being trained to walk with a cane - a quad cane it is called. I am doing pretty good with it - I can use it to climb stairs. But I can actually climb stairs just holding on to the railings too. In my room, I am trying to walk without any assistance. I do pretty good, but I do not want to take any chances and fall. I am very nervous about the curbs and the sidewalks in Manhattan - and the broken streets and potholes.
I got a Merit Badge today for Reviewing. I am really excited. Now I have two badges. This place is so wonderful - I feel a sense of belonging and acknowledgement, something that I have yearned for, for so long. I know that is one of the core issues of my insecurity. Finally, something positive about me, that I can call my own. My writing is getting better - and I do not have to continue to compare myself to my friends: one who is an artist, a musican, a rabbi, and so forth.
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| 4. Entry # 4 | ID #578351 |
| Posted: 4-8-2008 @ 7:12 pm EDT |
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Today was a really good day - it appears that I will be discharged early next week - I am really psyched about that - there are so many things that I want to do when I go home - but I know I have to take it slow - my whole perspective on life has changed since I have been here - I do not take things for granted the way I used to. I have met people here with amputated limbs, a woman who is blind, people who have had strokes and men who have fought in various wars. All these peole have inspired me in so many ways. Most of the people are very friendly - there are some who are little ornery, but ....
I have been learning how to use a cane, having transitioned over to a walker. Wow you do not take that walking for granted when you have to use an implement to help you get around.
I hope that I will have as much time to write once I get back to my 'normal' life. My writing has been a godsend for me - it has helped me realize that I am capable of something and getting accolades for it to - I have also met some really cool people here and I do not want to lose that.
I need to work on getting my life in order - I have so often used my Borderline Personality Disorder as a crutch in not doing things - my self esteem is usually on the negative side - and I throw in the towel so often to doing things with my life. But this experience in the hospital has taught me a lot - I believe that it is a blessing in disguise. I keep repeating myself - but I realize that I am only 47, and while I feel old, I could potentially have many years of life left if I take care of myself, both physically and emotionally. I mean I have messed up a lot, and I am not on par with many of those people whom I grew up with, but I can not compare. I have been so prone to comparing, that I have never really come up with an identity of my own. My writing has helped me with that, because it has shown me that I have a skill - and even though I am not Elizabeth Barrett Browning (one of my favorite poets), I can be good on my own level.
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| 3. Entry # 3 | ID #578199 |
| Posted: 4-7-2008 @ 9:40 pm EDT |
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It is Monday evening, and I decided to post - though I do not have a whole lot to say - I am learning a lot about different things here at the site - I just started the Fundamentals to Poetry class at the Academy = and I have submitted my first assignment and some class participation - I am enjoying it immensely. I have so much to learn - I am seeing that different people have different ways of doing things also.
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| 2. Entry # 2 | ID #578145 |
| Posted: 4-7-2008 @ 3:41 pm EDT |
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It is Monday afternoon, and I am back on the computer - my saving grace for the past 2 months here in the hospital - I wish I would have done this when I first entered the hospital - but you can not cry over spilled milk. That being said, I am psyched about going home next week - yet I am really scared. Despite all that has been written in my previous pieces about my hospitalization, I have kind of gotten used to this place. I have my routine. And I am definately a creature of habit. But now that the weather is a lot better here in New York, I will be able to appreciate things more - at least my hospitalization was in the winter, when the weather sucked.
Just for those of you who are reading my blog, these are the pieces I was referring to.
I never quite finished them, but... I have met so many interesting people since I have been here. From the staff (the doctors, nurses, social workers and certified nursing assistants, etc.), to the patients. Each one has a unique story. And being that most of the patients are substantially older than myself, their stories were rich with history.
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| 1. Entry # 1 | ID #578062 |
| Posted: 4-7-2008 @ 11:17 am EDT |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
It is Monday, April 7, 2008 - and I am still in the rehabilitation center that I have been in for the past almost 4 months. I am hopefully going home next week and will be able to spend Passover with my family. I hate being in the hospital for the holidays, though I have been in the hospital for so many of them - Jewish, Christian and secular.
I was in my physical therapy class this morning. They started me using a quad cane. I was so excited. I had been walking with a walker for part of the distances - and using a wheelchair for the rest of it. Prior to that, I was completely wheelchair bound, so ....
I know I need to make major life changes to achieve what I want - but what is it that I want - I know that I need to lose weight - my injury would probably not have happened to the same degree if I was much lighter - though the surgeon says I have a case of arthritis, albeit minor.
I know that being on this site, and writing has been a godsend to me during this hospital stay. I have gotten to know many people and have been inspired by them. I love writing and reading so...
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. I am glad you and your ex are not hating each other, so this is good. I hope your writing is well!
I LOVE THAT BLOG TITLE! You and this blog are supposed to be here.
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