I slept really hard lastnight. I am still tired, even though this time I went to bed at 11:30 lastnight. I had the oddest of all dreams. I dreamt that my balcony door was open and a flock of ducks flew into my apartment and made themselves at home in my bathtub full of water. I can't quite figure out what that dream meant and where it came from, but it sure was weird. I am still thinking about it. I like to analyze my dreams and what they mean, but this one I just can't make sense of.
 

I am so tired today. It must have been the heat yesterday. It was 94 degrees. My skin was turning red and I was dripping with sweat too. I continue to drop more weight as well. My eating plan is going great too. Lastnight at home gave me a headache because my niece was being a pain in the ass. The evening started off pleasant and Jazlyn was being so sweet. Then I noticed that she had dumped most of the fish food into the tank and what was left of it was scattered all over the livingroom carpet. I thought Sheila knew, but apparently not. Jazlyn got a butt whooping lastnight and my sister yelled at her. I wasn't around when my niece made a mess with the fish food. I am kind of conflicted from this situation.

1) Jazlyn is 3 years old and is at the age where she should know better, especially being told repeatedly and Sheila showing her over and over again how much food you give to the fish.

2) Sheila should have kept an eye on her and not leave Jazlyn in the livingroom by herself. Three year olds do forget and you have to show them how to do things until they become independent on doing things by themselves.

*Sigh* This isn't my fault, not by a long shot, because I wasn't there when it happened. I feel that this is just a typical 3 year old thing. Just like my niece knows better than to pee/poop her pants, but does it anyway, and gets a spanking as a result. I don't really agree with hitting children. I guess depending on the parents and how they like to handle their children.
 

I stepped on the scale today and have dropped another 4 pounds! I am so proud of myself! This proves that diets do in fact work. So there! The only reason why a diet wouldn't work is because the person shows a total lack of willpower and nothing more. Dieting is not some powerless thing. You have to have it in your mind that you are going to do it and stick to it. Throw in some exercise for good measure, and voila! It's not really a diet that I am on. I am simply making a lifestyle change. To me, the word "Diet" is a dirty word. It's a lifestyle change that I am making to better my overall health, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I have the ambition and the drive to lose all of this weight. I don't care one bit what other people say. I am going to do what I want, just like always and I will prove people wrong. The only people who have been supportive are Jill, Sheila, Grandma, Grandpa, and my ex boyfriend Jerry, and some of the people on here. I don't need Weight Watchers. I don't need to pay good, hard-earned money that I could be spending on things that I actually need, just to go to sit with a support group and talk about why I am overweight and how much I have lost/gained and blah, blah, blah. I just see it as a ripoff to pay to talk to a bunch of people about my weight. I also see it as a waste of precious time when I could actually be out walking or doing some other form of physical activity. I have my own support system through myself. It only matters what I think, and no one else. I am doing this for myself and no one else. I am proud of what I have accomplished so far, and I insist on reaching my goals. I can't wait to reach my goals. I am so excited over this!
 

There are times when I feel like I am not appreciated. I do things for people and they forget. Take my sister Sheila. I had just crawled out of bed this morning, and was about to cook my breakfast......I had the stove fired up and everything.....Sheila calls me and asks me if she left Jazlyn's backpack. So I looked and saw that it was sitting in the dining room and told her it was here. She asks me, knowing full-well that I had just got up and had my pajamas on, if I could bring it down in the next 5 minutes. I tell her that I am not dressed, I have no bra on under my shirt, and that I am in the middle of cooking my breakfast. She says, "So." I am way too sophisticated to be running down three flights of stairs and outdoors in broad daylight in my pajamas without a bra under my shirt where other people could see. It's embarrassing. She tells me that I never do anything for her and she hangs up. So out of the goodness of my heart, I throw some clothes on with a bra on of course, turn off the stove and dash down to wait for her to get here. She finally arrives and tells me "thanks". I told her to quit being a brat, and she tells me to quit being a brat. *sigh* It's funny how she expects everyone to drop what they're doing just to please her. I always do the dishes and take out the trash, buy toilet paper, dishwasher detergent, and trash bags. Yeah, I never do anything for her......ever. I am just a selfish bitch. I hate ungrateful assholes!
 

Okay, I am getting sick and tired of paying $160/per month during the summer time. This gives me another reason to hate summer. My electric bills during the winter aren't as bad as they are during the summer. I live in Michigan, which can be the coldest or hottest state there is depending on what time of the year it is. I am heat-sensitive, to where I get heat-rashes or have heat-strokes easily, so I can't live without air conditioning. I love winter, because even without the heater I can stay warm. Which in turn, I save tons of money on electricity. My electric bills this past winter ranged from $24-50/per month. The summer causes my bills to be anywhere from $100+ each month, which I find ridiculous. Although, I do live with two more people, who leave lights on throughout the entire place, which contributes to the problem. I will be so glad when I can finally move out and be by myself for a change. I feel that if I live by myself the bills won't be so dramatic as they are right now. I hope that time comes very soon!
 

I have decided to put both of my cats on a strict eating schedule. Especially, Max. He must weigh over 20 pounds.....this is just a wild guess. Jezebel has put on some weight, but isn't too bad. My cats get plenty of activity, especially with the kitten being around. I am only going to fill their food bowls in the morning. They don't seem to care too much about the food at night anyway. But I have noticed that sometimes they will eat it in the middle of the night. When I have the money, I am taking both of them for a visit to the vet and see what I can do about their weight. I want my cats to have long and happy lives. It can't be the food. I only feed them the best food that's all natural with no artificial flavors or colors.
 

I don't know what the problem is, but I keep losing my internet signal. I was finished with my initial blog entry and it keeps booting me off. *sigh* I am going to try this again.

I am just really tired today, so that may be the reason for my crankiness. I moved so much today, that half of it was spent sweating up a storm. I had to catch up on a lot of housework and loose ends that needed to be tackled. My diet and exercise plan is going really well. I have indulged a little so I won't feel deprived, therefore I won't fail. Other people have told me that I am crazy for being on this diet. I have recieved a few put-downs about what I am doing. I am not starved or anything. My diet consists of oatmeal, turkey bacon, ground turkey, deli meat (either turkey or roast beef), fish, chicken, lean steak, yogurt, 100% fruit juice (only in the morning), fat free milk, string cheese, nuts, fruit, tons of veggies, and lots and lots of water. I don't feel discouraged by anything that people say. I am following a well-rounded diet. This will not damage my heart or anything. Geez. I exercise almost everyday. I sleep 8-10 hours every night. I am not doing anything wrong.
 

I've had enough of being unemployed. I have decided if all that's out there is sales positions, then that's what I will have to take. I can't wait for summer to be over with for the school season to start. Plus, I don't even make enough as a substitute teacher to survive anyway. People have told me, and I have even told myself, that I might have to take a job that I don't like just to survive. I have the ambition and drive to put up with any job right now, except for wiping peoples asses, working retail or fastfood restaurants, or slaughter houses. Those are the four jobs that I would hate the most. I have two interviews coming up really fast here for next week. One's in Kalamazoo on Tuesday, and the other would be in Grand Rapids. One is a distribution center and the other is for a telephone company. The telephone company, I can interview for in Kalamazoo, but have the choice to work in either Grand Rapids, Sterling Heights, Oak Park, Livonia, or Troy. These are all good choices and if offered the job would have to choose carefully where I would like to work. I am confident that I will be offered one of these jobs. I have until next week to rehearse and prepare for these interviews. I get nervous and keyed-up over interviews and the weekend will give me a great chance to think about what I want to say and how I would answer their questions. I always feel like I screw myself over at interviews because I get apprehensive in these situations and things come out awkwardly or my voice gets hoarse. I hope I come out of both of these interviews with offers. I am going to pray about it for the next few days. I know that I have the ambition and drive to do whatever I want to do in my life.
 

I stepped on the scale today and found out that I lost 5 more pounds! Whoo hoo! Hopefully, my metabolism can keep burning the fat. I knew that I had lost more weight. Now I know what weight I am losing and why I am peeing all of the time, lol. I believe that the majority of the weight that I need to lose is water. I pray that I lose all of the water weight at a rapid speed. I still have the goal of being at certain weight by the end of the year. I am walking on air right now. I am so happy!
 

Ever since I started this diet, it has gotten to the point where I can only go on a walk 30 minutes per day, instead of my usual 2 hours that I am used to doing. Thirty minutes into my walk I have to pee really really really bad. It drives me crazy. I even use the bathroom before I leave for my walk. I don't know what's happening to me. Usually if I stop my fluids a few hours before my walk, I don't have a problem, but since this new diet, all of that has changed. It makes me mad, because I don't feel like I am getting all of the exercise that I need. Half or more of my day consists of peeing. *SIGH*
 

I hate when my periods put me into ungodly amounts of pain, especially when the cramps end up in my back and uterus! You would think since I laid off of pop, salt, and junk that I wouldn't get these extremely hellish symptoms. Another weird thing is that my cramps started yesterday, but the damn thing didn't start until today. All I know is that I will be glad when it's over with. I can't remember the last time when I had back cramps. I know that I didn't have them last month.
 

I was able to get some more groceries yesterday. I spent all $60 yesterday. I bought, celery, radishes, carrots, green bell peppers, cucumbers, nectarines, boneless skinless chicken, sour dough english muffins, eggs, skim milk, string cheese, oatmeal, lowfat popcorn, Kefir Probiotic drink (yogurt), Minute Maid Pomegranate-Blueberry juice, and spring water.

This diet is going really well. It feels like I am losing weight everyday! I am also continuing on the walking. I drink over 1 gallon of water everyday. My body is craving a ton of water lately. I drink about 6-8 bottles of 16.9 ounce bottles of spring water everyday. My mouth keeps getting dry though. Which I think is very strange. I have never had this kind of thirst before. I haven't had fast food in over a month, and haven't over-indulged on cakes and other sweets. Another great thing is that my ankles are starting to shrink down, which I find exciting! I have gotten used to eating turkey bacon and ground turkey as part of some of my meals.instead of beef, unless it's steak or something. I am allowed to have steak as long as it's lean. The only bread I eat is the english muffin that I have with my breakfast and that's it. Sometimes I will have oatmeal instead. It just depends on what I am in the mood for. I haven't even stepped on the scale in over 3 weeks, which I think is for the best. My sister who is a fitness trainer says that I should weigh myself once a week. I just don't feel that it's to my benefit to weigh myself once a week. It could be detrimental to my cause. I think once a month is good enough, and that is what I am comfortable with.
 

I logged on today and found 4 new merit badges in my email! Thank You: ShellySunshine , Kristi , Cissy- , & Hannah-Paper Doll Gang ! This was a huge surprise that I certainly didn't expect!

I am at my wits-end with my sister's kitten. She doesn't know how to behave. You tell her "no" about something and she keeps doing it. Is she brain-dead or something? I mean really. Most cats can learn things and remember not to do things that they're not supposed to do. Kittens are just as bad as puppies. They chew on everything and are every bit as destructive as puppies. I am so tempted to toss the kitten outdoors. Her personality is too wild for my taste.
 

I have decided never to date again. Every man that I meet isn't my type, or they are too weird for me. Most of the time they just don't live up to my standards. I won't date smokers, drunks, drug addicts, men that are divorced, or men shorter than me. I also have to be physically attracted to them, and I haven't found one yet that I am attracted to. Most of the men on this side of the state are divorced and already have children, or they aren't very good looking. Yeah, I am a total bitch. In my opinion, divorced people should date/marry divorced people. Most divorced people don't want a serious relationship and just want to hump around and do booty-calls. I don't do either of those. I am just tired of all of the losers being attracted to me. I think I am going to give up on finding the right guy. The right guy just doesn't exist in my eyes. People tell me to lower my standards...... Heh! Lower my standards? Do you know the consequences on lowering my standards would be? I could end up with a total loser. I have been told by numerous people to not date men who have a nasty past, including ones that have been divorced. You just never know what you're getting into when you date someone who's been divorced. I know, I am being a bitch. I have also been told by other women that I should have higher standards and be very picky when selecting a man. I know that no one is perfect, and I know that I am not perfect. I think I need to find a job and get my own place and live on my own for awhile so I can decide what I want to do. I still want marriage and babies. I just don't know if that will happen anymore. I think not having a job is getting to me and that's why I am in a crabby mood. It's not like I haven't been trying to find a job, because I have been looking. I have been looking everywhere. Still nothing. I have to keep trying. I know that I will find something eventually. It's so frustrating.
 

I have decided that starting tomorrow, I am going to walk to my grandparents, rather than drive. I will be getting my exercise while saving gas at the same time. I figure this way, I won't have an excuse not to exercise. Also, I will be rebelling against our greedy president and the greedy oil companies/countries. The only time I will need to use my car is for interviews, laundry, and grocery shopping. I like being rebellious. It's fun!
 

I still haven't made a solid decision as to whether I will be voting this election season or my pet name for it, "Dial-a-Dork". I know that I dislike John McCain the most. Obama seems okay. Although both of them seem conceited and arrogant.....John McCain the most. If we vote for John McCain we will probably be in the same spot we are in right now. I mean this as in $5/gallon for gas, and a shitty economy, with me and a lot of others being unemployed. I don't know anymore. I have never been a very political person. I hate politics. I hate discussing them. I get a headache every time I think of or discuss politics. I even change the channel when the news starts to talk politics. Thank God for cable.
 

I haven't walked in almost a week. My left heel and ankle have been bugging me. Almost every step is excruciating. Sometimes my heel will make a loud popping noise, and the popping actually hurts. Both Sheila and Melissa think that I might have a stress fracture somewhere in the heel and ankle. Who knows anymore. The pain obviously isn't going away. I have been suffering with it for almost a month or so. I had ankle weights that actually alleviated the pain, but didn't work out to my advantage because they kept sliding down. If these dumb companies would stop making the "one-size fits all" size, that problem wouldn't exist. One size fits all, only applies to average built or anorexic built people. I also noticed that Target has stopped selling plus size clothing. That store used to cater to women of all sizes. Now they only cater to the extremely skinny or pregnant women. Which to me is not fair. I plan on getting down to an average or slightly above average size. I don't want to become super skinny or anything, that would be gross to me. I like being curvy and luscious. I saw this diet in this week's Womans World mag, it was from this girl that did "The Biggest Loser" competition. She lost 100 pounds in 18 weeks. They had her diet in there, and I can actually follow that menu. The food, I can live with. She actually started at the weight that I am at now, and is now down to 122 pounds. I don't need to get that skinny. I am thinking that 150-155 is better suited for my frame and height. I am around 5'8" tall and have a medium to large bone structure. I would love to be down to my target weight by Thanksgiving or Christmas. I don't think my goals are unrealistic. I just need to work hard at it.
 

I don't know what I did now. Molly isn't talking to me all of the sudden. She didn't talk to me when she came over. She only talked to grandma. I would try to talk to Molly and she wouldn't say one word to me. She gave grandma a hug when she left, but didn't hug me for some reason, which I find weird, because she always gave me hugs. If it weren't anything to worry about, I wouldn't be getting these weird vibes off of her. I am pretty good about reading people. So I know something is up. Sheila even avoids me as much as possible now. This is not me being paranoid either. All three of my sisters are stuck up in their own way. I was talking to my Aunt LouAnn at the family party last Friday, and she asked me if I was still in contact with Jerry. I told her that I was. Jill happened to overhear that part and got on my case about still talking to him, and Aunt LouAnn came to my defense to Jill and said that I have every right to talk to him. Jill was objective about it and muttered some stupid shit that I can't even remember. Yeah. It's okay for all three of my sisters to take back cheating ex-boyfriends, but it's not okay for me to keep in contact with Jerry. Jerry never really cheated on me. We just grew apart because of difficulties with finances and job security. Grow up already, girls! Good God! My three sisters have a lot of growing up to do. Even if I did decide to take Jerry back, it wouldn't be for any of them to say. I think they just don't want to me to be happy. In their eyes, anything that I do is wrong. Like they are such experts with great relationships. Whatever.
 

My fabulous auction ends at 11:59pm tonight! Please drop by and check it out, even place a bid or few if you can! Thanks!

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